The Right Wing vs. Brock Sampson's Fighting Murderflies

I have been appointed by my brethren Joshatu and Ryatu to watch the following Year 2, Week 11 Match: The Right Wing vs. Brock Sampson's Fighting Murderflies.

I have cleared the patrons from the Brewhaus located in Keego Harbor, Michigan so that the combatants may fight without distraction.

I transport The Right Wing to the bar. The Right Wing are Hulk, Scrappy-Doo and Ewok #74. I then transport Brock Sampson's Fighting Murderflies to the bar. The Murderflies are Lobo, Greedo, Ewok #5, Aunt May and Speedy Gonzalez.

Ewok #5 dispels with the battle and immediately jumps behind the bar. He reminds himself of the adage (in case he must fight later): “Liquor before beer, never fear. Beer before liquor, never sicker.” With that, Ewok #5 double fists a bottle of Tequila and Grey Goose Vodka. Aunt May approaches Ewok #5, meaning to confront the Ewok with a form of intervention.

Aunt May: You know #5, I believe you may have a drinking problem. I want to help.

Ewok #5 flips Aunt May the bird in defiance as he tosses the bottles currently in his paws away and grabs for bottles of Goldshlager and Dewars.

May: Listen #5, I want to help you.

Ewok #5: Oooneebeee! Ooogoocha! Beeeeeyaaaaaaccchhhhoooo! [Translation: Help this, b$@ch!].

Ewok #74 hears the confrontation between Ewok #5 and Aunt May. Ewok #74 slowly creeps behind the bar. He has heard enough from his Ewok brother. Not only has Ewok #5 embarrassed his team and insulted his teammate, but more importantly, he has disgraced his species. Ewok #74 finds a microphone stand near the bar and bashes Ewok #5 over the head. He then slides the mike holder off the stand and skewers Ewok #5. Ewok #5 is now an Ewok kabob. Ewok #5 slides down the pole, a bloody, alcoholic, (and dead) mess. At the shock of seeing this, Aunt May has a heart attack and dies.

Greedo is sitting at a table in the bar and finally wakes himself from a flashback of the Mos Eisley Cantina. He knows that this time “Greedo will shoot first!” He travels over to the bar and fires at Ewok #74, instantly killing the furry combatant. Greedo hears “Puppy Power” from behind. He notices Scrappy Doo jump from the top of the bar. The puppy barrels into Greedo and knocks him over. Scrappy Doo takes advantage of having the upper hand and begins to beat on Greedo. Greedo easily swipes Doo off of him. Before Scrappy can gain his footing, Greedo fires his blaster and scorches a hole through the pup. Scrappy Doo falls down, dead. Before he turns, Greedo is met by the right fist of the Hulk. The Hulk’s blow knocks Greedo into the wall. The Hulk then picks up a table and smashes Greedo into the wall further, encasing him in his own sarcophagus. Greedo suffocates and dies, a permanent fixture of the bar.

Speedy Gonzalez races around the Hulk’s feet. The mouse is too fast for the Hulk’s lumbering body. As the Hulk focuses on attempting to squash Speedy, he is struck by Lobo. The anti-hero biker and the Hulk fight with one another. Although the Hulk is stronger, he is more cumbersome in the small bar. Lobo’s agility and the fact that he is more adept in, and used to, the whole bar scene, plays to his advantage. Although the Hulk would probably dispel of Lobo in any other setting, Lobo manages to kill the Hulk in this instance. Lobo looks down at Gonzalez and smiles.

Gonzalez: Gran lucha mi amigo! Hemos expulsado butt! [Translation: Great fight my friend! We kicked butt!]

Right Wing: All dead.

Murderflies: Lobo and Speedy Gonzalez alive.

BROCK SAMPSON’S FIGHTING MURDERFLIES ARE VICTORIOUS!!!!