PreSeason: Alice's Wonder Team vs Michael Vick's Bad Newz Kennelz of Lurve

Alice's Wonder Team is:
Afterlife Alice Abernathy, Goblins #6-8

Michael Vick's Bad Newz Kennelz of Lurve is:
Green Lantern #1, Samurai #15

The Danger Room is set to: Feudal Japan.

Goblins 6 and 8 trail behind Alice Abernathy and Goblin #7 as they all travel the countryside, searching for the members of the Kennelz.


Goblin 6: Hey, is it me or are all odd numbered Goblins suck ups? Look at mr "high and mighty" up there kissing up to miss Afterlife there. Thinks she's all great since she's got a proper name. Makes me sick.

Goblin 8: Dude, chill out. It's no big deal. Get on point.

G6: Yeah, yeah. I know. Just kinda bugs me, seeing such blatant apple polishing. I don't see what the big deal is. She's not even wearing what she wore in the movie. Where's the blue dress and the white rabbit?

G8: Wait, what? I don't think that's her. That's the Alice who went to Wonderland. I think she's the singer who sings "Feed my Frankenstien" and "I'm 18"

G6: That makes no sense. Why send a singer into battle? That's stupid. That'd be like sending those humans who wrote that song about me to fight.

G8: There's a song about you?

G6: Duh. Yeah. Far East Movement. You know. "Sippin sizzurp in my ride, like Three 6
Now I’m feelin so fly like a G6 Like a G6, Like a G6 Now I’m feelin so fly " Dude, they wrote that about me.

G8: Flerg off. You're full of...

Suddenly, both goblins fall to the ground holding their heads as a voices screams inside their skulls

Alice: IDIOTS. Shut. Up and get serious. This isn't a game. Pay attention to what's going on.

G 6-8: Sorry.

G8: Way to go, merzelspitz. Now the maid from the Brady Bunch is all upset and thinks we're lame.

G6: Ok, first off. Why would a maid go fight? Think about it. Second. You guys are all just haterz who don't have songs about you and are trying to bring me down, which is really sad. Third. I think these Alice cracks are played out now, time to represent. I'm on point. I'm deadly. I wish those Lurve kidz would show up. I'd be all like "Yo. What's up? You wanna go? Don't start what you can't fini..."


"WONDER TEAM!!!" Samurai 15's voice booms out "We ask you this only once. Surrender to us and avoid the inevitable bloodshed that is to follow"

G6: Oh. HELL. NO. You done lost your mind fool. We got you outnumbered 2 to 1, plus I'm ready to throw down now that you done scuffed my pumas.

G8: Pumas? You're not wearing shoes.

G6: It's an expression. Deal with it later, holmes. It's on now. I'm bout to carve up this fooooool and feast upon the marrow in his bones.

G8: I've still never heard that Puma expression before.

Both Goblins continue to argue as up ahead, Goblin 7 shows that not all Goblins are ridiculous morons that can be used for silly dialogue and begins to battle Samurai 15 as Alice stands back to watch.

Goblin 7 is promptly killed.

Samurai 15 stands over G7's corpse and begins to wipe the blood off his sword when suddenly his mind starts reeling. "You have killed an inferior. You may as well have slaughtered a defenseless child. You have no honor."

"What have I done?" thinks the noble Japanese Warrior? "My blade is stained forever stained with a needless kill. My honor is tainted." "Yes" repeats the voice "You know what you must do."
"Hai" says the proud warrior as he turns his blade upon himself and commits suicide, not realizing that he has committed no sin, but has fallen victim to the telepathy of Afterlife Alice.

Alice: Well, that's half the team. Now for the other half.

Alice begins to telepathically search for Green Lantern #1, the lone survivor of the Kennelz.

"Got you Lurver boy." smirks Alice as she attempts to invade the noble emerald warriors mind as she did his fallen comrade. What Alice didn't anticipate the will power and mental focus it takes to wield the mighty green light of Oan technology and the lantern shakes off her mental attempt.

"My turn" says the lone Vicker and wills himself into a giant robobattle construct which he uses to vaporize Alice as she charges him.


Meanwhile, Goblins 6 and 8 have witnessed this entire exchange from the safety of behind some trees, both taking cover as soon as they hear the crackle of green energy and smelt the familiar ozone scent of willpower being weaponized.

"Oh man. We're so flerged. Like, totally flerged. That waitress from the tv was our only shot. Game over man, game over." cried Goblin numer 8, showing that the ALice cracks are not entirely "played out".

Goblin 6 straightens up. Gets a gleam in his eye, and deftly proclaims "Homie, it ain't over. It's just bout to get boutie boutie, and rowdy rowdy. Check this." The cocky, ghetto Goblin saunters into the open and yells "Yo! Kermit the flashlight!How bout you come on down here and try throwing hands mano e mano with a thug straight outta Moordoor?" The Goblin smirks as he sees the Lantern lands in front of him, his robobattlesuit dissipating as he approaches. The crafty Goblin begins to pull a small dagger out from behind his back, smirking, as he approaches his foe.

"Yo. You 'bout to see how we do it in my hood. Playa. Yeah, Jolly Green. I'm gonna turn you red in a second." he claims as while lunging forward to stab the lantern in the eye.

Almost instantly, a glowing green wall appears between the point of the knife and the mighty Green Lantern, causing the Goblin to break his knife and his face.

As the Goblin lay in a pool of his own blood, the willpowered warrior steps over him and nonchalantly drops a big green safe on him. Killing that jive talking sucka.

"Is there any left to challenge me??!!! " booms the mighty voice of the Lantern. His answer comes in the form of a very distinct smell. The lantern recognizes the odor of Goblin urine, and sees a small stream of it heading uphill being left behind by the surprisingly fast Goblin #7 who is desperately trying to save his own skin.

"Too easy" sighs the Lanterns as a sniper rife begins to form in his hand "Later you, scudder. Seems a shame cause I was amused by you and your buddy's banter".

The Lantern pulls the trigger and the term "he who lives to run away, lives to fight another day" is shown to be false as the Goblins head disappears in flash of bright green light.


Alice's Wonder Team: All dead.

Michael Vick's Bad Newz Kennelz of Lurve: Green Lantern #1 survives.


Michael Vick's Bad Newz Kennelz of Lurve are victorious!!!