Season 7: Week 4: Layanderlet's Super Orange Kitties and Cats Living Together to Make a New Family vs Mitchy's Luminous Tentacle Warriors

Layanderlet's Super Orange Kitties and Cats Living Together to Make a New Family are Primus, Supergirl, The Silverhawks:  Bluegrass, Quicksilver w/ Talleyhawk, Steelheart w/ Rayzor, Steelwill w/ Stronghold, Copper Kid w/ Mayday, Hotwing w/ Gyro, Flashback w/ Backlash, and Moonstriker w/ Tailspin.,The Black Racer, Krypto the Super Dog, Max, w/ Shark Boy and Lava Girl in The Shark Ship, The Arc Troopers:  Arc Trooper Captain, Arc Trooper Lt. #1 and 2, Arc Trooper Heavy Weapons Master, and Arc Trooper #1-5, w/ Aerial Clone Trooper #1, Vampire Nick Houslander, Nichol Valdez (w/ jetpack, Sith Lavarouk, and blue lightsaber), Dr. Boom Boom Pow, Kyle Houslander (w/ (Devil Lance and Mithril Vest), Zachary Houslander (w/ Demon Rod) (Kyle and Zachary both have 9 deaths) in an Imperial Shuttle, Vampire Assajj Ventress and R2-KT in a Z-95 Headhunter, Flashpoint (Thomas Wayne) Batman w/ (Kingdom Come) Red Robin, Batgirl (Betty Kane), (Kingdom Come) Donna Troy, Jeff Portnoy (w/ Donatello's Bo Staff), and Peeta Malark (w/ Jarnborn (Thor's Axe)) in an Imperial Shuttle, Capt. Jimmy Wilder and Astro-Droid #13 in a Y-Wing, Jacob Black (w/ a Star Sapphire Ring), (Kingdom Come) Alan Scott, (Kingdom Come) Power Woman and (Kingdom Come) Hawkman.

Mitchy's Luminous Tentacle Warriors are Atlas, Aphrodite (w/ a green lightsaber), Deathstorm, Vampire Sinestro, ROM:  The Space Knight, Magik, The Guardians of the Galaxy:  Star Lord, Groot, Drax the Destroyer, Gamora, Rocket Racoon, Major Vance Astro, Charlie 27, Martinex, Yando, Starhwak, and Nikki, Zodak, Black Lantern Rob Bartlet, Lord Dredd, Capt. Panaka, E.T., and HAL 9000 in a Y-Wing Bomber, The Life Lock Robot, The Screen Trax Robot, Immell #6 (Mega-Borg), Immell #11 (Raven Knight), Zombie Flaming Carrot, Anteros, Amon Sur, Hoppy:  The Marvel Bunny, Dr. Impossible, Parademon #1-6, Force Adept #4 (w/ a pokeball) and Baxter the Dog.

The Following is an excerpt from the book, "Impossible Man, Impossible League: The Impossibly True Tales of a Man in the Shadows", co-written by Jonas Lock and Brad Meltzer.

Chapter 4

Lost in Space

            They always say that first days are the worst. First day of school, first day of work, your first resurrection, you get the idea. I wish I could say that my first match was any different but then again, when it comes to me, easy ain't ever in the game plan. To call my first match a disaster is an understatement. That would be like calling Galactus floating above your planet an unfortunate incident. It didn't start there of course as I've already stated earlier, but the fact that I had to wait so long for my opportunity to get out there didn't help matters much either.

            You've got to understand that I'm from Apokolips (despite what some may still be saying); sitting on the sidelines of a fight is not exactly in my nature. Unlike many of the creatures in this league, I was looking forward to the combat. I mean, I volunteered to enter this league after all; the least my owner could do was play me. I road the bench for longer then I would care to admit so when my entire first year went by without a single start, I had anger and aggression to spare without knowing which direction to point it towards

            You see, over the off-season we went through an owner change, which for most of us was a big deal. Not that our previous owner had been that hands on, but lying in limbo for that long tends to leave a team without any identity. We were just hanging around without much of an idea of where we were going. There were rumors of us being split apart and being sent around the league like the original Backyardigan's had been the previous year. There was plenty of whispers about us being disbanded all together, being put back out on waivers, things of that nature. It's the sort of stuff that makes your day-to-day life a living hell.

            Then came along Mitchell and for most part, we were all relieved. It's amazing how the biggest baddest monsters in the universe still just want to feel safe. It's a pathetic thing but it's true. Even I admit that I was excited by the new ownership. My opinion of the previous owner wasn't very high and up until that point I figured what the hell, out with the old. If the old regime wouldn't give me a shot, what could this changing of the guard hurt?

            The first couple of weeks were good and due to the draft it wasn't easy to gauge any real difference, but at least we were still operating as an organization. It was more then most of us thought even a month earlier. As the season got underway I was as ready as ever to finally show this team what I could bring to the table.

Week one went by without a start but then again, I have never played basketball in my life so I didn't take it personally. The same feeling came during Week 2 as well, though I am confidant I could handle my own in the water. Going into Week 3 I was excited. We were 2-0, tied for first in our division and I was finally going to be getting my first start in this league. Not only my first start in this league, but my first start was going to be on a first place team.

Well, to quote The Who, "Meet the New Boss, Same as the Old Boss".

I still remember the feeling of rejection when I couldn't find my name on that roster. I honestly thought it was a type-o. I even asked for a meeting with Coach Elrond. That was humiliating. I actually went in there telling him that there was a mistake on the roster sheet. He (as usual) snidely told me that there was not a mistake and to go back to my room. Too say I was angry does not do it justice. I not only destroyed my living quarters but I completely dismantled an entire section of the gym. That one pissed off more then just a couple of my teammates who were already growing tired of my complaining.

At that point I filed a formal complaint with assistant Elos and asked to be traded. If they were not going to take advantage of my abilities, then perhaps someone else would. I spent the rest of the weekend by myself brooding, drinking and drinking some more. When I found out we defeated Barkley's to start the season at 3-0, I didn't even care. At that time I would have rather been on a 0-3 team and starting, then be part of a winning organization and have nothing to do with it.

Things started to get strange that week though. Nobody had heard anything from management after the victory. It had only been a couple of weeks but we were already accustomed to getting a message from the uppers about the previous week. This time there was nothing but silence. The day went on and people started to get nervous. The next morning is when things started to get fun, that is when the chaos began. First thing on roster day, like 8am or something there was a league mandate delivered (I am not sure what you would call it) to the main offices. We were all asked to come down to the main commons area for a meeting.

Assistant Elladan lead the meeting as he usually did, starting off once again congratulating us on our wonderful start. Naturally at that point I could have cared less about the niceties; I was just waiting to find another bottle to drown my sorrows in. After a minute or so things took a turn for the surreal, now that caught my attention. After unsuccessfully trying to explain what was going on with the week's roster, he finally just came out and said what was going on. He said this week's roster was coming from the leagues top brass, no questions asked.

You would have thought that Elladan said everyone was getting 3 extra deaths this week by the reaction in the room. Pure chaos took over the usual calm; fights both physical and verbal were going on everywhere. I found it funny and interesting at the same time. Though deep down I still didn't care. I am still not sure why I got up and looked at the roster to tell you the truth. I suppose there was still a small part of me that ached for a good fight. When I scanned the roster and saw my name staring back at me, I just about fell over.

Despite all of the chaos and fighting going on behind me, my name was on the roster sheet. My Name, Dr. Impossible was going to get a chance to finally show this league what he was made of. I was over the moon about it. All of the anger and resentment I had been feeling washed away as soon as I saw that sheet. I immediately went back to my quarters and for the remainder of the week I trained harder then anyone I had ever seen. If I was going to start this week, I was going to make sure that I never sat on the bench again.

The only problem with all of this was that I failed to remember that despite my selfish behavior (for good and bad), I was still on a team and the only way you can truly succeed in this league is by working together.

When I got all of my equipment together for the match and finally made it down to meet everyone I found myself completely alone. At first it wasn't that big of a deal. So what, I was early. It made sense. It was my first match and nobody was more eager to get out there then I was. After the first hour I started to get suspicious but still held onto the fact that maybe this wasn't how it worked. How could I have known, I had never started before. Maybe there was some sort of teleportation thing that took you directly out from your quarters? Though that seemed highly unlikely, as I had been witness to multiple pre team exits.

That is when I first started to sense that perhaps the chaos from earlier in the week had not settled down and maybe there really was a problem. A loud speaker message from Elrond came down throughout the entirety of the complex, very sternly letting everyone know that we were not going to be forfeiting this weeks match. Everyone whose name was on the roster sheet was to report down to the main common's area immediately. He did not say it a second time. Elrond was not one for repeating himself and despite the overall disenchanted nature of the locker room at that time, within the next half hour everyone was down in the common's area.

At that point I started to understand how my first match in this league was going to be. Sure, everybody showed up and was going to compete in the match, but that didn't mean they were going to try. Just before we went off I asked Pete (Star Lord for those of you who do not know) what his thoughts were about this entire thing. He basically just said the entire situation was screwed (well he didn't say screwed, but I think you get the idea). He told me that he was happy I was finally getting a chance out there (we had been friends for a while already at that point) but that I shouldn't get my hopes up for the outcome. Without saying it, he pretty much told me that this match was a wash and they just going out there for show.

I tried to talk around that fact and just concentrated on the match itself when he grabbed me by the shoulders and said (and I distinctly remember this) "Look Lock, listen to me. Don't be a hero today all right! This isn't the time or the place to have pride in your team." This really surprised me, even coming from somebody like Pete. He usually acted like he didn't care much, but this time he was serious. I told him that even though I may not have to show pride for my team, I could still have pride in myself. He laughed it off and walked away, leaving me by myself.

Apathy was the team motto that week as we entered the match and nothing much changed once the match started. The only thing that seemed important to anyone was destroying Primus. Everyone and I mean EVERYONE went in to attack him. This naturally left the entire team vulnerable to attack from just about every angle. Captain Panaka was blown up fairly quick by an X-Wing looking thing and Supergirl (from what I remember) was picking off our Black Lantern's one by one. I had always been told that they were quite difficult to kill but she made it look easy. She also didn't stop until they were all dead. Which I believe we had quite a few going that week, though it has been years at this point so I could be wrong. All I know is that once she got going it was best to just get out of her way.

I wish I had something positive to say about that day but it was all pretty bleak if memory serves me correct. I guess there was that bit where Sinestro beat the snot out of The Black Racer, which made me laugh because at the time I thought he was immortal. I think he also might have killed that werewolf fellow with the ring but I might be getting that confused with Amon Sur. Whatever, either way the Wolf was killed by one of them. Naturally Sinestro ended up being killed by Supergirl, just like Amon Sur, ROM, Magik...you get the idea. She killed a lot of us that day.

I suppose the only upside to that day and I don't mean to brag (well except for the fact that I do) was me. Do to my team's lack of any sort of plan (unless you count the suicide mission to attack Primus, which I don't) I had the fortunate luck to be able to fly under the radar. Which gave me the opportunity to take out quite a few opponents that day. My favorite of which was when I stole what I believe was a Y-Wing from, well, whoever it was who I stole it from and then crashed it into that ridiculously ugly looking shark ship, whatever it was. They didn't see it coming at all, it was pretty funny.

I got into a fight with Hawkman and I killed him. If you don't believe me go back into the league records, it's in there. I also got into a fight with Krypto, that one I didn't win. Though I was able to get out of there in time as it became obvious pretty quickly that not only was he more then I had planned on, but that Power Girl and Alan Scott were not too happy about the Hawkman outcome. Once I was able to escape that situation I hid out for a while until I realized that my team's obnoxiously stupid plan was actually possible, albeit only if I helped them out.

This still might be what I am most famous for which is pretty sad if you think about it. I never quite understood that concept, you know, like when an author or a director's first book or movie is everyone's favorite. It's like you have worked your entire career, a career that you think has been good and worthwhile, filled with ups and downs (hopefully more ups then downs) and yet still, all most people remember you for is that first thing you did. This is something successful people complain about I suppose, so for that I apologize.

Back to my first and possibly greatest moment in this league (Was that arrogant enough for you Pete?) I decided that I could try something that in theory might work so I met up with "The" Star Lord, as he loves to be called and let him know what I was going to do. He didn't seem to buy into my plan but went along with me nonetheless. I told them to all stop attacking Primus just for a moment, to give me a chance to get inside the thing. I used my Fatherbox to summon a hush tube, which took me directly inside the massive robot.

Once inside I tried something risky. I once again used my Fatherbox, this time though I used it to cease control of Primus. To my surprise, it actually worked. At first I wasn't even sure what to do with it because I had not honestly thought much about that part. After a minute or so, I decided to see what I could do. I used Primus first to blow up an Imperial Shuttle and then I took out the X-Wing looking thing. It did take a while to understand the concepts behind it, which as it turns out was ultimately my downside. The damn dog and his other friends caught onto what was happening fairly quickly and before I knew it they were there inside the belly of the beast with me.

I knew that I could not win this fight but as they were heading towards me I realized that was exactly how we could win this thing. All I had to do was make sure that my Fatherbox was not destroyed. After I made sure of its safety I stood my ground and said something ignorant like "Come and Get It!" and waited to have one last great fight. The idea was that once they killed me my Fatherbox would self-destruct, taking everything including Primus with it. Well that as you all know in fact happened. Unfortunately for me I didn't realize that Pete had lead everyone into the center of Primus to give me a hand. Which admittedly was a nice gesture but also quite foolish as once my Fatherbox detonated; it not only destroyed Primus but also everyone inside of it. Which just so happened to be every single person on my team.

It is a unique feeling being remembered for something that helped and hurt your own team. Sure, I was able to destroy one of the most powerful creatures that the league had ever seen, but I also murdered 33 of my own teammates at the same time. So I guess it depends on how you want to look at "Greatness". You can of course solely concentrate on the actions that make one great, which has been done regularly with the stories of heroes and Kings throughout the ages. I prefer to look at "Greatness" as a concept that comes with many consequences and loads of baggage. Many people dislike this approach, which is fine, but it is the only way that the idea is even remotely interesting to me at all.

Given, the idea that I refer to my own actions as "Great" in the first place could be considered ridiculous, obvious and arrogant all at the same time. All of those qualifiers are probably accurate in their own ways, which is why the concept of "Greatness", whether you agree with it or not, will always be a popular subject to discuss.

With all of that being said, trust me when I say the last thing on the owners mind that next day was whether or not my actions of massacring his entire team should be considered "Great". That whole week was an interesting one. Though if I remember correctly, I did get one of the top stars of the week. Not too shabby for my first time out there. Luckily for me though, it wasn't my last. There is so much more to this story then that first match and let me tell you, it is one hell of a ride.

To read more of "Impossible Man: Impossible League: The Impossibly True Tales of a Man in the Shadows", co-written by Jonas Lock and Brad Meltzer." look for it this coming Tuesday anywhere books and ebooks are sold.