Brock Sampson's Fighting Nut-busters Vs. The Imperial Commandos????

“I don’t know why we have twice as many teammates, but we have twice as many enemies too, so I’ll take it”!! Screams Rick Grimes to his unlikely ally the Eternian Cyclone. Bullets whiz by them and random fires ignite everywhere they turn, as the two members of The Empire simultaneously dodge danger and look for their next opponent. As this cross-genre, cross-team, cross-league city battle rages on The Populists have enlisted the help of The Nut-busters and The Murderflies, while The Federalists have brought in the help of The Commandos and The Empire. All while the battle is being fought simultaneously in the desert by The Populist Horsemen and The Federalist Highness.

This double match mayhem all began when The Federalists tapped into The Chaos King’s powers to blow up The Watcher’s time continuum reset machine. This allowed The In-betweener, Master Order, and Lord Chaos access to this as well; but also left them vulnerable to the same attack. Although a split second of warning also allowed them an eternity of foresight, thus having them all teleport to their enemy planet Ego to blow up there instead of on The Play-Off Planet.

The Walking Dead Crew and The Spartacus crew meet in the center of town and begin battling wildly, The Circle of Fire, along with Larvox battle with Capt. Marvel and all seven of The Insecticons.

Machete walks slowly towards Ninjor and Leech in all of his B-Movie Awesomeness but finds himself a bit out of his league when Ninjor slashes Machete in half. Sam Axe uses his rocket launcher to blow the El Blanco Tremor to bits while right next to him G.W. Bridge is using a massive futuristic looking gun to stop Rhino in his tracks.

Some white energy vegetative goodness pops out from the cracks in the ground to begin strangling The Mandarin, but not before The Mandarin manages to use his mystical rings to take out Vixon, Arachne, and Ninjor. White Lantern Swamp Thing then enlists the help of fellow “green” lovers Zombie Poison Ivy and Zombie Nick Houslander to reshape the face of the destroyed Play-Off Planet (all while moaning the word “brainzzzz” a lot). But Zombie Godzilla is able to put a stop to White Lantern Swamp Thing before he is able to create the necessary vegetation to take control of the devastated planet. Zombie Poison Ivy and Houslander are not met with such a glamorous death as they are hit by blaster bolts from The AT-ST being driven by LMD #3 with John Moses Browning managing the guns and Ewok #24 sitting in between them for comic relief.

Inside the AT-ST, “Hey, LMD turn over here and get us the hell away from Godzilla will ya. I know he’s our teammate; but damn that dude is scary”. Says Moses Browning.

The LMD replies: “Sure thing sir; but do me a favor and don’t just call me LMD, it is really offensive. I mean I know I am pretty much just a computer program created for one use only in this match and that I am pretty unimportant in the grand scheme of things but it would still be nice to go by my given name, which is Vinnie Johnson”.

“Yeah, I know how it is to just be a common whose name people don’t bother to remember. I mean, I have been on the roster since the Season 1 Draft and a ton of people on the team don’t even realize that my full name is Thomas Millard Fillmore Jefferson-Carver. I mean, most people, even my family just call me Filmy; which is fine but it is good to have people know who you are” says Ewok #24 as Emmett Cullen is being eaten by a Black Dragon about 11 feet from their AT-ST.

“Dude, you can talk”? Says Browning to Filmy the Ewok. While paying no attention to Exal Kresh lightsabering the hell out Equinox outside the cozy comfines of their Imperial walker.

“Yeah, I can talk. I am one of those ewoks from The Ewok Adventure that just randomly learned English after hearing some people talk it for about 4 minutes. It’s a petty cool, random, and unexplainable trait really. Us ewoks are actually a really intelligent people. I think many people think that we just like to spend our time picking dried poop out of our fur and making spears out of everything; but that isn’t true. I mean don’t get me wrong. I love making spears and pickin poop; but there is way more that makes me tick. I also like to read Philip K. Dick novels and am getting my Bachelor’s degree over the phone from a Sally Struthers endorsed University. I am double-majoring in Business Management and Accounting”…… Filmy continues for a tick…. “Was that just Jack Crowe, Jasper, Rosalie, 3 Dark Side Marauders, Sy-Clone blowing up in a random gas main explosion??... Weird stuff man, weird”.

Vinnie Johnson replies: “Wow, Filmy that is amazing stuff. You sound like a GREAT GUY. I had no idea you were such an amazing individual. This is so much fun chilling in this AT-ST while the whole planet blows up around us. Do you guys mind if I turn on the radio. I mean brought all of these Ratt Cassettes with me. And it could help pass the time while we watch everybody on this planet die”.

Such as red lantern movie Blackout who was just ripped apart by Doomsday. Doomsday also managed to take his berserker rage even further by taking out Jared Nomack, the rest of The Cullen family and Vindicator before Superman shows up and engages the grey rock-covered beast in hand to hand combat, which begins to level the city even more.

Back in The AT-ST John Moses Browning says: “Ya know, I’ve never really gotten to know an ewok or an LMD; and you guys are really pretty awesome people to hang with. And damn I just forgot how GREAT of a band Ratt was. I tell you what I was gonna save these for after the battle, but since there is no chance in hell that we are going to live through this, Do you guys want a beer? The only thing I have is 22 oz bottles of Modela. Oh crap, did you guys see those War Skrulls and skrull just get wasted by Human Torch and Capt. Marvel. We better drink these beers before we are next. And by the way Filmy, you really are right. Compared to most ewoks your rancid fecal smell is not that bad”.

“Thanks Bro-Hammer” says Filmy as he takes a swig of a beer bottle that is about the size of his torso.

Back in the actual battle, Zombie Godzilla continues his reign of terror as approaches the Spartacus/Walking Dead Battle. The ingenuity and toughness of The Walking Dead dudes is beginning to lose out against the sheer fighting skill of The Greeks; but it doesn’t matter because they all get squashed by the lumbering zombie dinosaur anyway.

The Blob is jacking dudes up like crazy as the mid-day sun starts to heat him up. The Blob actually takes out The Blob (A of A); but then Widget, for the love of Populism sacrifices himself by transporting himself and The Blob (movie version, not comics) to the coldest part of the arctic setting where The Blob manages to destroy Widget and his goofy looking body before freezing to death.

Batzarro uses his skills as the world’s worst detective to figure out that he should call Josh Houslander and Ryan Poteracki to see what to The Shining Force are going to do next; but they just ignore them for a decade and the entire team dies off. Batzarro then accidentally suicides himself with a rope from his batarang.

Raven then uses her Trygon gifted powers to do something awesome for her 10th death (because I honestly can’t think of anything awesome she has done in the first 6 and a half seasons and 9 deaths). “Azeroth, Metrion, Zinthoss” Raven screams as she conjures up enough dark magic to show Dark Side Acolyte #3, Nightbrother #8, Black Dragon #3, Ewok Child #1, and The second Matrix Agent the true meaning of the dark side. Although the first Maatrix Agent then pops up behind her in the body of one of the dozens of Play-Off Planet residents that is running to safety and puts a .50 caliber bullet in her head to send her to the graveyard with so many of her original Reign Supremacy teammates. Evan Sabahnur begins growing in size and comes down hard on Capt. Marvel, to take out him and his quantum bands. Superman then sees this feat and flies out from his fight from Doomsday for just a second. Earth 2 Supes flies in out of nowhere, and blasts Even with an intense shot of heat vision to burn him to a crisp and then makes his way back to fighting Doomsday without missing a beat. The Commandos realize that they not only need Superman alive and free from Doomsday to win this match for The Imperial Commandos; but also that it would be a hell of a lot better for their season if Superman was around for a little longer. So, Whizzy the Supercat flies over to lend Supes a hand; but not before the cat rips through the bodies of Jinx, King Tut, and Talon. (Original) Human Torch flies over to lend a hand to The unofficial Commando team captain as well, but not before burning G.W. Bridge to a crisp on the way. Human Torch and Whizzy work as a distraction, while Superman delivers his patented double-fisted Doomsday killing punch to Doomsday to take him out for good.

The fighting Nut-busters seem to realize that they are not in the greatest of positions, so in a last ditch effort they try to put sanctions on Vladimir Putin. This is of course the worst game plan ever and nothing happens. Although Bodikka does manage destroy war bird with his power ring before Capt. Britain proves that not everybody from Europe is a hall of fame pussy by pile-driving the lantern into the ground.

Baby Nightcrawler uses his miniature sword to run Abobo through, Ecthelion of the Fountain avenges his teammate with a sword of his own.

Fool Killer then kills Right Winger and Left Winger for obvious reason.

Larry Reamer: Jedi Master comes racing by on his speeder bike when he begins driving with one hand and ignites his green lightsaber and takes the head off of Aaron Griswold, while running over Ewok #76 before he can decide whether to use his zapper or proton pack first. Larry is then thrown from his speeder as Bill Kelley: Dark Jedi Master blows the motor of the speeder bike by hitting it with a well-aimed shot from his energy bow. As Larry gets to his feet, Larry and Bill then begin yet another epic battle. They both ignite their lightsabers and a blue and green clash is both seen and heard by all, and by all I mean Vinnie Johnson, John Moses Browning, and Filmy the Ewok in their AT-ST who are still sipping Modelo, listening to Ratt, and comparing amazing stories about their favorite philosophers and favorite brands of beef jerky. The two evenly matched force users and former roofer/sider combos parry each other’s moves a few dozen time before Larry attemps a spin move which catches Bill in the gut just as Bill is bringing his saber down through Larry’s neck causing them to join each other in death.

Archie the Octospider then makes the full mental transition into becoming a warrior and loses his healthy emotion altogether. He knows that through his culture even if he survives this than he will have to euthanized for making the full transition. But one of his last rational thoughts is that there is no way he will survive this. The Rama Octospider makes his last stand by using his speed and tentacles to take out The Nut-busters Star Sapphire as well as Thrasher, Cluster, and Fantomex. But Weapon XIII is able to jump in with a back flip and pump Archie full of enough lead to finally send him to The Graveyard.

Judah Ben Hur is still able to make even less sense of his white lantern ring then he is the random wrist watch he is wearing. As he stands there tapping it and trying to make it do something he is jacked in the dome by some nun-chuks by Roper which crack open his skull (sorry guys, I just still don’t see the whole Ben-Hur/white lantern connection (I know, I’m a jerk)).

The Insecticon/Circle of Fire battle has raged on since the beginning of the match, until only Bombshell and Shrapnell have remained. The rest of The Nut-busters form up and begin to hope that their new found allies in The Murderflies will help to bail them out. But The Murderflies are preparing to form up for their last stand as well. The remaining Nut-busters look to Slym and Red for leadership as they are joined by Ernie Harwell, Jack Reacher, Sam Axe, and The Energizer Bunny. Zombie Godzilla is too busy being bombarded by Silver Surfer, Red She Hulk, Capt. Britain, Magius, and Mother Askani. The AT-ST crew are a bit busy as well, as they just stopped at a gas station to fill up and grab a few snacks and Auto Traders.

The Sorceress of Castle Grayskull leads the slow charge that surrounds the remaining Nut-busters and Murderflies from The Empire side, while Superman leads the Commandos.

Zombie Godzilla uses his zombie cosmic lightning breath to vaporize Mother Askani and Magius, but not before the stun the beast with their own brands of mystical forces. This last act by them both opens up a spot for Capt. Britain to do a mid-air fastball special with Red She Hulk that allows both of them to land on the shoulders of Godzilla and begin laying the monster’s neck to waste. As Godzilla begins to scream in zombified pain, Silver Surfer releases the power cosmic into its chest and the three of them finish it off.

The final battle begins with Tracksimus Prime proving his worth as a carrier of the matrix by taking out both of his former Autobot friends Pipes and Fizzle in one quick motion. Dexter Jettster catches Foolkiller with a blaster cheap shot and Bombshell and Shrapnell, though somewhat damaged from their battle with The Circle of Fire Lanterns crush Ecthelion of the Fountain and Roper. The Sorceress of Castle Grayskull doesn’t like it, but she teams up with Yellow Lantern Hordack and Fakor to battle with Slym and Red Dayspring, which ends in a cosmic/mystical/magical/phoenix force powered explosion that reverses all polarity crossing the streams style (random uninvolved Ghostbusters reference). This wicked explosion stops all space time for a full micro second and not only takes out all combatants involved but actually stops The Energizer Bunny and even shuts up Ernie Harwell.

Things are definitely looking bad for The Fighting Nut-busters, so bad in fact that John Moses Browning and his two brilliant homeboys charge up the weapons on the AT-ST and begin moving towards the battle, ready to fight.

Jack Reacher and Sam Axe team up and are able to use their brawn to take out Leech; but they are then fried by the Silver Surfer, who is showing up a bit late to the party after being a little busy with Godzilla. Despite what 13 year old Ryan would argue, Nightcrawler was not able to BAMF into Superman to sacrifice himself to take out the Man of Steel, and instead Superman caught him right after a teleport and broke his blue neck. Pepper Potts used her Armor to counter-measure the hell out Nicole Des Jardins, but Joan Jett yelled to Human Torch who double-backed to take out Pepper with some android heat action, while Joan hates herself for loving killing Jarvis…. Old man had it coming. Teneb Kel, Maggot, Exal Kresh, Weapon XIII make their last final final last stand by all leaping on top of Tracksimus Prime and combing their strengths to extinguish the spark of The newly crowned Autobot leader, but once Silver Surfer, Superman, Whizzy, Red She Hulk, Capt. Britain, and Azeem come down on them they are all done.

Except for…….


“Sir, this is Dora reporting in. My team set the explosives some time ago”.

“Have you been able to obtain any useful intel”. Says the voice on the other end of the com.

Dora responds: “No sir, these three are complete idiots, the original intel was wrong, they don’t know anything that can help us”.

“Proceed”.

Dora then jumps off of the back leg of the AT-ST and and her and Boots run to safety. Boots looks at The Map while Dors pulls the detonator out of Backpack. Boots nods and Dora blows The AT-ST to bits killing all three people inside. Dora picks up her com and says: “Mission accomplished sir”.

“Excellent work, I would love to work with you again young Dora, you proved yourself very useful. Good luck to you”. Says Vladimir Putin as he puts away his communicator.