Season 9 Week 4: Super Kitties and Cats Vs. Charles Barkley's Turrible Decisions

The Super Kitties and Cats are: Bugs Bunny in Jedi V-Wing
Lockdown w/ his ship
Zoom
Supergirl
Powergirl
Damien Darhk
Mr. Freeze
Larfleeze
Ant Man (Hank Pym)
Starfire
Venom
Thunder
Lightning
Nightcrawler
Green Lantern Penguin
Metaknight
Thor
Bugs Bunny dressed as a girl
Zombie Mike Sroka
Dark Side Adept #14
Jedi Master #50a
Super Battle Droid #1 & 2
Vision
Hot Spot

Charles Barkley's Turrible Decisions are:
Spectre
Cyborg Superman
The Butcher + RL Jeff Houslander
Ion + Kingdom Come Jade
Bizzaro Supergirl
Captain Atom
Indigo-1 and Munk
Saint Walker
Goku
Gohan and Goten
SSJ4 Gojeta
Helios
Super Cyborg Charles Barkley
Super Cyborg Michael Jordan
Space Ghost
Jan (w/ Asohka Tano's Green Lightsaber)
Jace (w/ Blue Lightsaber)
Blip - 38
Montross - 28

Greetings, friends! This is FFL Story Critic NFG Mike here to review one of this week's matches. Now, before we begin, I must warn you that this particular tale bears a striking resemblance to a certain movie. Some of that plot may be spoiled, so if you don't care, read on! If you do care, go see said movie and I'll wait here for you. Go ahead, I have nothing better to do.
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Alright! You're back! (Or never left). So let's get into Turrible Decisions v. Super Kitties: Yawn of Justice.
This story has the Kitties cruising around the Andromeda Galaxy in Lockdown's ship, generally minding their own business. Unfortunately for them, some of the beings in said galaxy do not believe that a ship that big and powerful could be used for anything but evil. The powers that be decide to coerce The Turrible Decisions to do something about it. Although nonsensical, this plot line should be fairly straight forward, but, as always with Watcher NuFaGtu, it's never that easy.

For starters, there are WAY too many characters to shove into something so relatively simple, but they all have to be included so their solo plotlines may be explored in a future match. At one point, we are more or less reduced to watching Youtube videos containing each combatant just to fit them in. This is embarassingly lazy and shortsighted, and most of these characters deserve better than that. The true travesty, however, is that time is wasted on a role call, when we could have delved into something that is actually entertaining. The Vision vs. Cyborg Superman battle to see who controls Lockdown's ship's CPU, for instance, was merely glossed over, when it should have been a focal point of the match. Instead, this is overshadowed to name drop such luminaries as Dark Side Adept #14, Jedi Master #50a, and the always bumbling Jan, Jace, and Blip. What a waste.

Second, Super Cyborg Charles Barkley's dream sequences are confusing at best. They bring the match to a sudden halt, and never really explain anything, let alone make sense. The jarring transitions from dream to reality are never explained, and it is hard to tell whether they are in the past or future. Did Super Cyborg Barkley already fight Thunder and Lightning, or did he just get killed by Powergirl? There is absolutely no reason for these to exist, and they are all sloppy and rushed.

There is a lone bright spot in this fiasco, however, and it is the beautifully done battle sequence between Thor and Goku. The action was crisp, well defined, and you always knew exactly what was happening at any given time. The satisfying battle raged throughout Lockdown's ship, and there were many great moments for fans of both characters. We had Thor's warrior madness versus Goku's Kaioken technique, the sheer brutality of Norse combat against a honed martial artist, and the banter between the two was top notch. Thor's deflection of a Kamehameha blast was nothing short of astonishing, but Goku grabbing Thor's hammer out of mid air was jaw-dropping! I'm honestly not sure which moment I liked better. And kudos to the writer for recognizing Goku's worthiness, as this is usually glossed over in other matches to make yet another Dragon Ball Z joke.

Unfortunately, due to the horrible script, this awesome fight is cut short in the most ham-fisted way possible, due to the appearance of a thus far unannounced and completely unwelcomed Spectre. He wasn't mentioned once in the whole story, yet now I'm supposed to believe that he's really the focal point of the whole thing? Moreover, I'm also expected to buy the fact that this guy is bad enough to unite Thor and Goku against him? I'm also not sure why Bizarro Supergirl was crammed in the end to help them against the Spectre. Just because she has 9 deaths I'm supposed to see her as an A-lister now? Please. I guess that's kind of a nitpick, because none of this even mattered at the end of the day. The Spectre was not stopped from slaughtering every member of both teams because they had all sinned at some point. Are you serious? If that's the case, then what was the point of any of this? Why not just do that from the begining and save us all some time and anguish?

What could have been a truly entertaining match was hampered by a rushed script, too many characters, and a penultimate twist that was disappointing to say the least. I'm giving the lion's share of the blame to the so called Watcher NuFaGtu, whose inability to see quality matches has again left us wanting so much more. The sad part is that this could have been one of the all time greats if handled by a more capable Watcher. Instead, we are subjected to the utter rubbish that we have come to expect from one of the League's worst. What a shame.

Official review: 2/10 stars
Hopefully, my next review will be something worth reading instead of the drivel that I barely got through this week.

As always, keep Watching! - FFL Story Critic NFG Mike.