American League: Michael Corleone (Head Coach), Superman, Darth Vader, Wolverine, Achilles, Supergirl, Mace Windu, Captain America, Darkseid, Neo, Deadpool, Megatron, Phoenix: Rachel Summers, Mimic, Godzilla, Galactus, Dr. Polaris, Legolas, Doomsday, Iron Man, Carlos Olivera (cannot compete, due to death), Extinction Alice (replacing the late Carlos Olivera)
National League: Napoleon Bonaparte (Head Coach), Silver Surfer, Obi Wan Kenobi, Yoda, Gandalf the Grey, Optimus Prime, Hal Jordan, Thor, Darth Maul, Qui Gon Jinn, Poseidon, Emperor Palpatine, Dave Bowman, Batgirl, Paul Atreides, John McClane, Martian Manhunter, Nightcrawler, Cloverfield Monster, Nick Houslander, and Ron Popeil
It’s a beautiful sunny day in Novi, Michigan. A 2007 Pontiac G6 pulls into the parking lot of the Rock Financial Showplace. Out of the car pours Ryan Poteracki, Josh Houslander, Nick Houslander and Jared Pilkinton. They are all carrying backpacks (except Ryan, who has a man-bag) ready to be filled with comic books, since today is the Motor City Comic Con. “Did you guys know that Galactus was going to be here, and you just didn’t tell me?” asks Ryan. “Galactus? Wow, dude. I think you’ve finally lost it,” replies Josh. “Okay, maybe. But then who the hell is that?!” questions Ryan as he points up into the sky at the Devourer of Worlds, who is standing behind the Showplace. “Okay, well this is new. See and I thought they couldn’t make Galactus a big guy wearing a purple helmet in Fantastic Four 2 because it would be too unbelievable?” says Nick. “Maybe we should get inside?” asks Jared. They all run into the Comic Con. Luckily for them, Bryan Beckerman hooked them all up with advance passes, so they wouldn’t have to wait in line. “Wasn’t that Deadpool waiting in line back there?” asks Ryan. “At this point, I’m just going to say… Yes,” replies Josh. The doors of the Comic Con are then blown open by a massive explosion. The four of them run in and see the First Annual Fantasy Fantasy League All Star Game fully underway.
The Michael Corleone coached American League is squaring off against the National League, led by Head Coach Napoleon Bonaparte. Wasting no time, Yoda, Gandalf, and Emperor Palpatine charge both regular season and playoffs MVP’s, Supergirl and Superman. The lasts of Krypton are caught off guard by this unique alliance, which is exactly what Napoleon was hoping for. Gandalf lays down a suppressing wave of magic as Yoda and Palpatine flip and jump around Kara and Clark at amazing speeds. They never stay with one opponent for too long. Superman and Supergirl are using their heat vision, but are deflected by the lightsabers that the two NL’ers are wielding. The blasts that Palpatine deflects kills multiple Comic Con patrons, but Yoda makes sure the ones he deflects bounce harmlessly off his blade. Gandalf then takes a more aggressive part in the battle. He uses his magic along with the Emperor’s Sith lightning to blast Superman clear across the Con, slamming him into Virgil’s signing booth, killing the ex-pro wrestler. The three of them now focus their efforts on the regular season MVP. Supergirl, though extremely outnumbered, doesn’t back down for a second. She tears through the air and in an instant, snatches Gandalf’s staff out of his own hands and shoves it into his chest. Then in his dying breath grabs a hold of Kara’s arms and yells “Palpatine! NOW!” The Emperor fires an incredible bolt of Sith lightning at Supergirl. The lightning singes her hair and burns her skirt, making it even shorter than before, but does not kill her. She frees herself from Gandalf’s body and turns to Palpatine and Yoda. Using her super-hearing, she hears in the background her cousin flying back into battle. He flies fast back at Palpatine but is taken down out of nowhere by Yoda. The Jedi master jumps into the air and plunges his lightsaber deep into the “S” on Kal-El’s chest. “Kryptonite, my lightsaber crystal is,” calmly says Yoda as he pulls his blade out of Superman. Shocked, Supergirl flies at Yoda in anger, but unfortunately for her, had completely ignored Emperor Palpatine in the process. Both Yoda and Palpatine leap at Supergirl from opposite directions, lightsabers drawn, cutting her into several pieces. Then a rare smile comes over Palpatine’s face as shock and pain wash over Yoda’s. Darkseid has just hit Yoda in the back with his Omega Beams at full power. Yoda is utterly vaporized. “NO WAY! There’s no way Darkseid could kill Yoda like that! He would have sensed that coming a mile away,” shouts some fanboy from the crowd that had formed. Darkseid doesn’t even dignify the fanboy’s cries of protest with words. Instead, he uses another well places blast from his Omega Beams to disintegrate the fanboy. Darkseid walks up to Emperor Palpatine and says “Your powers are great, and your evilness is impressive. We should speak at a later time.” He then turns his back to the Emperor and begins to walk away, but is hit by a bolt of lightning. Darkseid thinks this is Palpatine, but it’s actually Thor flying into action. “Prepare to perish. Thou art evil. Thou art American League,” bellows the God of Thunder. As Darkseid is making his way back to his feet, he is hit with a blow to the chest from Thor’s might hammer, Mjolnir. This sends him crashing through a wall and outside. Darkseid gets back up and grabs a hold of a couple convention goers and throws them at Thor, who’s flying towards him. Darkseid goes to grab another patron, when he realizes that it’s actually Deadpool. “Deadpool? Why are you waiting in line?” We’ve got an All Star Game to win!” yells Darkseid. “What All Star Game? I’m here to get Bea Arthur to sign my bootleg copy of the Star Wars Holiday Special,” replies Deadpool. “Get in there and figh…” yells Darkseid right before he is smashed in the face with Mjolnir. “Ouch… that’s gonna leave a mark,” Deadpool says to himself as he runs inside. “Thou art finished! Now ye evil will cease,” says Thor as he raises up Mjolnir to give the kill blow to Darkseid. “Do you think your puny hammer will stop me and my team?!” shouts Darkseid as he unleashes yet another blast of his Omega Beams. Thor blocks the beams with his hammer. “Your problem, Son of Odin, is that you didn’t come out here with a back up plan,” states Darkseid. At this moment, Thor is blasted in the back by Galactus’s Power Cosmic eye beams. A mighty scream comes from deep within Thor’s husk. Knowing the end is near for him; Thor says an Asgardian prayer to himself and then unleashes an unbelievable bolt of lightning down upon both Galactus and Darkseid. The earth itself shakes and the Rock Financial Showplace begins to rumble and fall apart from the power coming out of these three gods. NL Head Coach Napoleon Bonaparte sees this devastation and acts quickly. “Bowman! Obtenir votre âne là maintenant et avoir mis hors une fin à cette destruction, ou tous sommes finis!” (Which loosely translated is: “Bowman! Get your ass out there now and put an end to this destruction, or we’re all finished!”) screams Napoleon. The Starchild moves in a blink of an eye to the outside of the Comic Con, where Thor still has not fallen to the might of Darkseid’s Omega Beams and the Power Cosmic from Galactus. Bowman merges with Thor to ease his pain. “Go mighty Thor, Valhalla awaits your. I’ll handle this,” the Starchild calmly says to Thor as he dies. Dave Bowman them teleports himself, Darkseid and Galactus to another plane of existence, where their battle may rage until the end of time.
Meanwhile, back at the All Star Game, Deadpool has still yet to join the battle. Instead, he is haggling over the price of New Mutants #98. “Ten dollars? That’s it?! And they say I’m insane! Are you sure you didn’t forget a couple zeroes on this price tag?” rants Deadpool. The comic book vendor replies, “Dude, give me a break, it’s only the first appearance of Gideon and Domino.” “AND ME!!!” yells Deadpool as he shoots the head off of the vendor. He begins to walk away, but turns around and takes the copy of New Mutants #98. “Good thing for this bag and board,” Deadpool says to himself as he wipes the vendor’s blood off of the comic book. Batgirl uses her bat-rope to swing in and dropkick Legolas down by the T-shirt place. They proceed to get into a vicious hand to hand fight. Batgirl tries to keep the fight close so Legolas cannot use his bow and arrows. Most importantly, Batgirl fights like Batman taught her, dirty. She grabs a hold of Legolas’s long blonde hair and gives him a karate chop right to the larynx. She then gives him a hard elbow to one of his kidneys. But Legolas is able to sweep her feet out from underneath her and is able to pull his bow and arrow out. He fires an arrow at Batgirl, but she evades it by firing her bat-rope and swinging high up into the air. She swings around to attack again, but Legolas fires multiple arrows into the air with his Elvish speed. One arrow cuts her bat-rope and the others plunge into several parts of her body. She crashes into the top of the T-shirt place, bleeding to death all over the different 80’s T-shirts that are sold there. The strange thing is, with all of the destruction and fighting going on, most of the attendees at the Motor City Comic Con are so self involved with their own geeky lives, that the most attention they pay to the battle is to snap a few pictures or videotape something for You Tube. American League Head Coach Michael Corleone now releases Doomsday upon the All Star Game. The 501st Legion of Stormtroopers, thinking they are “Billy Bad-Asses” as usual, try to get in the way of Doomsday, with horrific results. Every last member of the 501 is mutilated and dismembered by Doomsday. He is finally slowed down by a powerful cosmic blast from Silver Surfer, who flies in on his board. Doomsday is knocked far back, crashing into the General Lee and destroying the accompanying Dukes of Hazard museum camper. Doomsday then picks up Herbie the Love Bug and launches it at the oncoming Silver Surfer. Ol’ Chromedome blasts it away and drives his board into Doomsday, pinning him against the wall. Doomsday begins to laugh in Norrin Radd’s face. He then grabs a hold of the Surfer’s ankle and whips him into David Finch’s booth, killing the Marvel Comics artist. Silver Surfer then unloads a massive blast of cosmic energy right into Doomsday’s face, which gives the Surfer the chance he needs. He leaps back onto his board, grabs Doomsday, and heads up into the heavens. He flies at the speed of light, to several cosmoses away and launches Doomsday right into a star that was about to go Supernova, thus, killing the evil behemoth.
Back on Earth, at the Comic Con, the combo of Ryan, Josh, Nick and Jared are soaking in all of the carnage that surrounds them. “Dude, is that John McClane fighting Achilles?” asks Jared. “Hey McClane! Kick that Greek pretty-boy’s ass!” exclaims Nick. “Umm, wait, I’m confused. Isn’t that NICK fighting Achilles with McClane??” ask Ryan as he sees Nick Houslander fighting the Greek warrior. Achilles is more or less handing both of them their asses. He smashes his shield right in John McClane’s face, breaking his nose. He then kicks him in the gut, sending him flying over to the feet of Ryan, Josh, Nick and Jared. Achilles races over and runs his sword through the chest of Nick. “WHAT THE HELL!?!” shouts Josh, as Ryan and Jared just stand there in disbelief. Achilles looks down at John McClane, ready to finish him as well, when John says “Yippie-kay-yay M*!#@%&$@*%.” Achilles then gets a basketball-sized hole blasted into his torso from behind. Achilles falls and Ryan, Josh and Jared see Nick Houslander standing there with a smoking 12 gauge shotgun in his hands. “Wrong Nick Houslander, B!@$%,” quips Nick. He then turns to his friends and says “Oh hey guys. Why don’t you take off and I’ll meet you later at BW’s.” “As cool as watching this is, he’s probably right,” replies Ryan. The three remaining guys leave for the bar as Nick Houslander and John McClane race back into battle. Once they get out to Ryan’s car they see that the battle as spilled to the outside and in a big way. Godzilla and Mimic are taking on the Cloverfield Monster. Their path of destruction spreads as far as the eye can see. The Cloverfield Monster has left Twelve Oaks Mall a burning, smoking pile of rubble. I-96 is utterly annihilated. But by some grace of God, Fountain Walk is still intact. Mimic has taken the powers of Phoenix, Poseidon, Dr. Polaris, Nightcrawler, and Wolverine as he attacks the smaller monsters that Cloverfield has spit out. Using earthquakes, flying metal rebar from the demolished buildings and teleportation, Mimic is able to keep the oncoming monsters at bay and in low numbers. Godzilla rips into Cloverfield like a seasoned veteran. He starts off with his patented “fly-on-his-tail double kick” to knock Cloverfield over and then incinerates it with his atomic breath. Godzilla lets out a ferocious roar after this kill. Back inside, Deadpool patiently waits in line for Bea Arthur’s autograph, who is still diligently signing, despite the chaos. Random Expendable Ninja attempts to cut in front of Deadpool, who does not take kindly to line jumpers, and disposes of the ninja with a well placed kitana in the neck. Ron Popeil, who has been virtually unseen so far, walks right into the middle of the Comic Con. He is equipped with the Ronco Instant Black Hole On-The-Go. Ron fires it up, but it goes haywire and opens up a black hole bigger than he desired. It sucks in Billy Dee Williams, Lou Ferrigno, Adam West, the body of Virgil, Bea Arthur, several convention goers, and entire booths. Completely distraught, Deadpool instinctively leaps into the black hole in an attempt to save Bea. But as he’s diving in, he throws a grappling hook around Ron Popeil. “You’re coming with me Mr. Set It and Forget It,” says Deadpool as they are both sucked in. But by pulling Ron in as well, the lack hole collapses in on itself. Over by Tom Savini’s booth, Mace Windu is holding off Hal Jordan, who has made a lightsaber of his own with his power ring. Mace Windu dodges Hal’s lightsaber, but it does take off Tom Savini’s arm. Some random fanboy runs up to Tom and says, “Wow! That is some amazing special effects!” “Arrrggghh! This isn’t a prop, you ass! It’s my arm!” screams Tom in pain. Then in the ensuing melee, both the fanboy and Tom Savini are killed by the twirling lightsabers. Hal Jordan is able to keep pace with Master Windu for a while, but eventually falls to the Jedi’s purple lightsaber. Hal Jordan’s power ring then begins to float in the air in search of a replacement. Now whether the ring chose him or it was his abilities with the Force, the power ring went to Mace Windu. Silver Surfer has returned from the far reaches of space and comes back hard. He flies right through a hole in Godzilla’s chest that he made with his cosmic energy. Silver Surfer flies right past Megatron and Optimus Prime, who have been battling in the parking lot since the early beginnings of this All Star Game. Megatron, always seizing any advantage he can, enlists the aid of Mimic, who with the powers of Dr. Polaris lifts Optimus Prime into the air. This allows Megatron to use his fusion cannon to blow Prime apart.
Inside the Rock Financial Showplace, Qui Gon Jinn squares off against the one he brought before the Jedi Council, Darth Vader. Unfortunately, Qui Gon doesn’t hold up much of a fight, as Vader viciously rips through his once would be mentor. Darth Vader continues his bloody path and slices apart several more Comic Con patrons, one of which happens to be Bryan Beckerman, who tried to ask for an autograph. Another Sith is in the thick of battle as well, as Darth Maul attacks Neo with blinding rage and aggression, with Emperor Palpatine watching closely. Neo ducks and dodges almost every offensive maneuver Maul throws at him. Neo unloads several clips at the Sith Lord, but all are deflected by the spinning double bladed lightsaber and into various passer bys. Neo runs up to Darth Maul, grabs his lightsaber and launches him in the air. Neo then flies up after him and lands an uppercut that snaps Darth Maul’s neck. The Emperor takes this opportunity to fry Neo with all of the Sith lightning he could muster. Neo flies back down towards the Emperor, despite the incredible pain and grabs hold of Palpatine. This move forces the Emperor to electrocute both of them. Their charred bodies both fall to the ground. Megatron charges into the Rock Financial Showplace, but only to be ripped apart by some strange force. Nightcrawler teleports quickly outside and back inside just as fast. Only now, he’s holding Mimic’s head, who was not expecting such a gruesome attack by the one time priest. Captain America, along side Extinction Alice race in to double team Martian Manhunter. Extinction Alice strikes first with her telepathy, but J’onn J’onzz strikes back with some of his own. Captain America is defending himself against potshots taken at him by John McClane and Nick Houslander. Both Alice and J’onn begin to scream in agony as they overload each other’s minds. Captain America throws his shield at Nick and John but they take cover behind pieces of Megatron. Cap then does a back flip behind Martian Manhunter, and catches his shield and smashes the skull of J’onn J’onzz with it. Unfortunately he was too late. Extinction Alice’s brain was completely destroyed by Martian Manhunter’s attack. John McClane is then hit in the back by three arrows fired by Legolas, who was hiding out at the T-shirt stand. “Aww son of a b#$@!, God damn m@%*&@$%!&k$%!” exclaims McClane as he pulls one of the arrows out of his shoulder. “Aww s#!%,” replies Nick. John’s then finished off with a couple more arrows to the chest. Nick is almost hit as well, but Nightcrawler teleports him to safety. Paul Atreides is confronted by Wolverine who has been stalking him for a while now. “May your blades shatter and crack,” says Paul. “Not these blades, Bub,” replies Wolverine as he lunges towards Paul. He is able to evade Logan’s attack and spin kicks him in the back of the head. “Your head… it feels like kicking steel,” asks Paul Muad’Dib. “Adamantium,” replies Logan. Paul Atreides stabs and slices Wolverine at lightning speed causing massive amounts of damage. Wolverine catches Paul’s crysknife between his claws and shatters the blade with a flick of his wrists. He then completely eviscerates Muad’Dib, spilling his intestines on the floor below. Wolverine then falls to the ground as well; letting his healing factor kick into overdrive. Obi Wan Kenobi is defending himself against Iron Man’s repulsor rays with his lightsaber. He uses the Force to knock Iron Man into the concession area. Obi Wan walks over to the fallen Tony Stark, only to receive a face full of repulsor rays at maximum force. This move kills the Jedi Master, but depletes most of Iron Man’s power. Napoleon sees that his team’s backs are up against the wall. So he calls upon Poseidon to level the playing field. Literally. Poseidon creates an earthquake that splits the floor of the Rock Financial Showplace, consuming vendors, celebrities, patrons, and even combatants. Wolverine falls into the abyss due to his extreme exhaustion. Legolas is knocked in as well by Nick Houslander who yells out “Oh darn!” to the falling elf. He is however, hit with an arrow in the throat from Legolas who still manages to get one shot off. Nick falls into the open ground to his death. Iron Man cannot protect himself from the earthquake either, as he is crushed by falling debris. Michael Corleone sends Phoenix after Poseidon to put and end to all of this anarchy. Rachel Summers attacks Poseidon with the Phoenix Force at amazing speed. Poseidon’s control over earthquakes is fairing ineffective against Phoenix. So instead, Poseidon attempts to subdue her with his control over water. The pipes throughout the Showplace burst and the water rushes onto Phoenix. But this doesn’t affect her Phoenix Fire, for it is cosmic. It isn’t until Silver Surfer lends a hand and shows Rachel the true meaning of cosmic power and obliterates her with a blast that rocks what’s left of the Comic Con.
Head Coach Corleone brings Dr. Polaris over to him and says “I know it was you Neal. You broke my heart. YOU BROKE MY HEART! You never should have betrayed the American League.” He then kisses Dr. Polaris on his helmet and walks away. Dr. Polaris is then Force choked by Darth Vader. Nightcrawler then begins to rapidly teleporting Napoleon Bonaparte out of harms way. Mace Windu tosses Captain America his lightsaber as Cap races up the rubble. He leaps off the head of Megatron and ignites Mace’s lightsaber. Nightcrawler and Napoleon reappear right in front of Captain America. He uses Mace’s lightsaber to cut Nightcrawler in half. Cap then grabs Napoleon in mid air and throws him down to the ground. Napoleon, bloodied and battered from the fall, looks up to see Michael Corleone standing above him holding a gun and smoking a cigarette. “Nothing personal, just business,” says Don Corleone as he puts a bullet into the French commander’s head. Mace Windu charges after the already beaten Poseidon and ends his misery by using his newly acquired power ring. The last member of the Nation League All Star Team then shows why he was one of the leading vote-getters. Silver Surfer rips through the air, not even attempting to evade Michael Corleone, who is split in two by his surfboard. Silver Surfer blast Darth Vader’s chest, destroying his life support system, killing the Sith Lord. Captain America throws Mace Windu back his lightsaber, who takes to the air. Mace is now outfitted in a cross between his traditional Jedi garb and a Green Lantern uniform. The Jedi Master creates a lightsaber of pure green energy and ignites his purple one as well. Both Mace and Silver Surfer fly head first at each other, and when they hit, they create a shockwave that explodes what remained of the Motor City Comic Con. Once the dust clears, Captain America sees the Surfer coming out of the chaos. Only it isn’t the Silver Surfer, but Mace Windu, bleeding badly, but standing up the surfboard.
THE AMERICAN LEAGUE IS VICTORIOUS!
Sunday, July 13, 2008
Tuesday, July 8, 2008
In Remembrance:
Last week, we all here lost a dear friend/uncle. Kurt was for the lack of a better word... awesome. This past weekend we have told countless stories and shed even more tears, so I'll just keep this brief. We'll all miss you buddy, but more importantly we will ALWAYS remember you.
Saturday, June 28, 2008
Optional Tournament
In the month of October, there will be an optional tournament held for any Fantasy Fantasy teams that wish to participate. The teams will consist of 10 characters, but the characters must fall within the following boundaries.
Player #1: Any Star Wars character.
Player #2: Any Transformer (or Transformer character).
Player #3: Any one Dune or Lord of The Rings character.
Player #4: Any one Dune, Lord of the Rings, Matrix, Masters of the Universe (HE-Man), or G.I. Joe character (cannot be from the same genre as Player #3).
Player #5: Any Marvel character.
Player #6: Any D.C. character.
Player #7: Any Video Game character.
Player #8: Any character.
Player #9: Any real person that has a cost of 9 or less.
Player #10: Any character that costs 3 or less.
There is plenty of time before this tournament, but I wanted to post something before the BBQ so you would be able to think about it and prepare any questions that you may have.
Player #1: Any Star Wars character.
Player #2: Any Transformer (or Transformer character).
Player #3: Any one Dune or Lord of The Rings character.
Player #4: Any one Dune, Lord of the Rings, Matrix, Masters of the Universe (HE-Man), or G.I. Joe character (cannot be from the same genre as Player #3).
Player #5: Any Marvel character.
Player #6: Any D.C. character.
Player #7: Any Video Game character.
Player #8: Any character.
Player #9: Any real person that has a cost of 9 or less.
Player #10: Any character that costs 3 or less.
There is plenty of time before this tournament, but I wanted to post something before the BBQ so you would be able to think about it and prepare any questions that you may have.
Saturday, June 21, 2008
B3 PRESS RELEASE:
Pablo: TEAM, you may have won the FFL. . .
Tyrone: . . . and earned yourself a nice trophy. . .
Uniqua: . . . But you sure can't say any of you . . .
Austin: have ever won. . .
Tasha: . . . an Emmy!
B2: As owner of B3, I would like to personally congratulate the five characters who, although may have died several times throughout the season, have still earned my utmost respect. Pablo. Uniqua. Tyron. Austin. Tasha. Job well done. Congrats on your 2008 Emmy win!!! To all others in the FFL --GIVE THEM THEIR DUE!!!!!
Tyrone: . . . and earned yourself a nice trophy. . .
Uniqua: . . . But you sure can't say any of you . . .
Austin: have ever won. . .
Tasha: . . . an Emmy!
B2: As owner of B3, I would like to personally congratulate the five characters who, although may have died several times throughout the season, have still earned my utmost respect. Pablo. Uniqua. Tyron. Austin. Tasha. Job well done. Congrats on your 2008 Emmy win!!! To all others in the FFL --GIVE THEM THEIR DUE!!!!!
Tuesday, June 17, 2008
PRESS RELEASE:
The Outsiders General Manager Matthew Oblak has issued this statement:
The Outsiders would like to gloriously announce the addition of two new gorillas to our team; Michael Vick and Donkey Kong, which were acquired from Hannah Montana and Barack Obama's Commandos for Duncan Idaho Ghola #4.
With the acquisition of Mr. Vick, we would also like to formally announce a team name change as well. From here on out we will be known as "Michael Vick's Bad Newz Kennelz of Luv."
Thank you.
Saturday, June 14, 2008
The BBQ
The BBQ is July 12th at the Beckerman residence. This date is official, so I hope that everyone can make it. If you can't, YOU SUCK, and I hate you for life. Just Kidding, we will miss you but we can't cater to everyone. There is unfortunetely no magic date that is perfect for everybody, so I hope that all involved with Fantasy Fantasy will be able to do what they can to make it. Please contact me later, by phone for time of the party, and directions. Thank you all for your patience (it is after all a virtue). I will hope to see you all there, and remember live the journey for every destination is but a doorway to the next. Don't say goodbye say good journey............. Well anyway, I could ramble on all night (God knows I've got the spare time) but I'll just wrap this up instead. Peace Out, LATE, Rack Em, and I'll smell all you fart eating chumps later.
Love,
-Josh
Wednesday, June 11, 2008
The BBQ
A LONG TIME AGO IN A BLOG FAR FAR AWAY
Bryan Beckerman has invited us to his home for a BBQ and to save his friends in the FFL from iminent boredom, but the vile gangster Josh Houslander has managed to find ways to screw up when it is going to take place time and time again.
Little does Bryan know that the FFL's sinister agents (Josh & Ryan) have secretly begun construction of a 2nd season that will be even dorkier than the first dreaded Fantasy Fantasy League.
When decided upon, the date of this BBQ will spell certain doom for the small band of dorks struggling to restore their lives back to normal.
Please post a comment as to what days are good for everybody! Thanks,
-Josh.
Tuesday, June 10, 2008
The Universe Bowl: Team Vs. Le' Napoleon Brigade
Team is Superman (designated leader), Unicron, Neo, Trinity, Seraph, God Emperor Leto II, Godzilla, King Kong, Treebeard, Fortress Maximus, The Combaticons, Dirge, Swoop, Shockwave, Astrotrain, Blitzwing, Original Titan #1 & 2, The Evil Paul Atreides Ghola, Bashar Miles Teg Ghola, Space Ghost w/ Jan, Jace, & Blip, Luke Skywalker, Jengo Fett, Griffin Poteracki, Jet Li, Jackie Chan, Sarumon the White, He-Man w/ Battle Cat, The Shining Force, Samus, Sephiroth, & Dozer #7.
Le’ Napoleon Brigade is Gandalf w/ Shadowfax, Wonder Woman & Wonder Girl, Poison Ivy, Obi Wan Kenobi, Even Piel, Skyfire, Alan Scott, Hecate, The Penguin, Duncan Idaho Mentat Ghola #12, Allia Atreides, The Sando Aqua Monster, Jaws: The Shark, Snow Trooper #46-50, Aragorn son of Arathorn, Arwen Evenstar, John Mclaine, Morpheus, Jules Winfield & Vincent Vega, Atreides Soldier #1-6, Catwoman, Evil Lyn, Karg, Skeletor’s Crack Troops #1-6, Marcellus Wallace, Horse #26-31, Vito Corleone, Santino Corleone, Silver Dragon #1-6, Emperor Palpatine, The Riddler, Velociraptor #31-34, Man at Arms & Teela, Robin Hood & Little John, Glinda the Good Witch, Dr. Juliet Burke, James “Sawyer” Ford, Storm Trooper #51-57, Juliet Capulet, Courtney Cox, & Padme Amidala.
The match we have all been waiting for has finally arrived. The battle for the first ever Fantasy Fantasy League Championship. Head Coach Napoleon Bonaparte knows full well that his team’s weakness is space but despite this problem he has assured all members of the media that he has something special up his sleeve to handle the problem of Team’s largest member Unicron. One of Le Petite Corporal’s most trusted fighters Padme Amidala has been chosen to lead the space attack, but other than that they have been very hush hush about what their plan entails. Wonder Woman, in a brief statement before the match simply said “Don’t Worry, Superman is mine”. As she was walking off the stage Wonder Girl approached the microphone and added “She means ours” and then the sidekick followed her off the stage. As the battle begins He-Man and Battle Cat, who were extremely offended by The Oracle’s choice to not start them at all in the first 2 weeks of the play-offs are very anxious to make an impression. They instantly rush over towards the sworn enemies of Eternia, Evil Lyn and her troops. Evil Lyn and Karg are riding on Horses #30 & 31 with their 6 troopers out in front of them but as He-Man and Battle Cat ride toward them the 2 horses begin to rear up. He-Man jumps off of Battle Cat and starts ripping through the Crack Troops with the Sword of Grayskull, while Battle Cat knocks both Karg and Evil Lyn off of their horses, killing the 2 animals. Evil Lyn shoots some sort of evil magic at He-Man but he blocks it with his shield and then finishes her off by throwing his axe into her head. Karg slices the front leg of Battle Cat with his Sai shaped Knife but it simply serves to madden the beast who then rips him apart. The 2 Original Titans have not chosen to go with their largest or most powerful Cymek suits simply because The Oracle wanted them to have the option to go into space if need be. Instead both Titan #1 & 2 have gone with sleek flying Cymeks, that can be useful flying over any terrain (besides 1 week was not quite long enough for the members of Team to fix up the massive amount of damage done to Titan #2’s tank body by The Horsemen of Apokolips in the American League Championship). The 2 of them fly low over the city and blast both Marcellus Wallace and Vito Corleone, who do not like to let each other out of their sight, despite the fact that they claim to be the best of friends. Man at Arms and Teela on the other hand have positioned themselves on top of one of the nearby buildings and in a daring maneuver jump on top of the 2 fast flying Cymeks. Man at Arms had told his daughter Teela not to follow him on this crazy attack but the wild fighter Teela has never been known to listen to her father at times like this. The 2 of them both start using both laser guns and striking weapons to try and break thru the hull of the Titans but they are unsuccessful. The 2 Titans then turn up on their sides and fly in close to one another until they crush the 2 brave yet somewhat foolish warriors of Eternia into one another with their thick metal bodies. Padme Amidala, the leader of the space attack, along with Duncan Idaho, Alan Scott and Juliet Capulet, the star-crossed fighter (is that to much of a stretch?) climb in to Skyfire, who blasts off into space along with the huge Cymek known as Hecate. The 2 large space-ready sentient beings are still miniscule in size compared to the massive Unicron, but they are all more than willing to do what they can to try and stop the massive Transformer planet. Hecate and Skyfire both begin to fly directly at Unicron, who is already moving toward the planet, getting ready to begin entering the planets atmosphere. Once they get somewhat close to Unicron Duncan Idaho establishes a mental link with the massive Transformer that only he could be capable of due to the fact that he is linked with Erasmus and The powerful Evermind known as Omnius. Once the link is established, the noble Duncan Idaho does a mentat calculation to find what would make Unicron the angriest. He expresses these feelings to Unicron mentally just as the brilliant tactician Napoleon had ordered. Napoleon Bonaparte knows that anything, no matter how powerful has a weakness. Even if you take this idea to the extreme point of something being so powerful that its only weakness is not having a weakness. The truth is that Unicron is way to powerful to listen to an order given him by his head coach The Oracle and when the mighty Unicron’s absolute power was questioned by several peons in obsolete space craft he instantly forgot about any little bit of Loyalty he ever had to Team. This is when Napoleon and Padme’s plan begins to work. Just as Unicron breaks away from the battlefield planets atmosphere to engage Hecate and Skyfire the Autobot and former Titan duo blast their jets with as much power as they can muster in an attempt to get away from Unicron. Unicron of course begins to chase after the 2 of them. Padme and the space crew of course know full well that Unicron will eventually catch them but they also know that if they can lure the huge ancient Transformer far enough away from the battle, than they can make him a non-entity in this battle. Superman is flying toward the water where he is going to go in and try to fight the massive Sando Aqua Monster when he is intercepted by his old teammate Wonder Woman and her sidekick Wonder Girl. The Amazon leaps into the air to grab a hold of Superman and then brings him down to the ground where they both hit with enough force to cause a small tremor on the desert floor. The 2 of them begin trading blows with Superman gaining a little bit of the upper hand until Wonder Girl comes in to help out her boss. She knows exactly when to jump in and when to let Wonder Woman take over in the fight which completely evens out the superhero brawl, and makes it plain to see that this fight is not going to be over quickly. Over the last week Team has had much discussion about Gandalf and what he is capable of which is why The Oracle started Sarumon and told him that he can take whatever help he deemed necessary to try to take out the Gray Wizard. Sarumon decided that despite the fact that he has defeated Gandalf before that he needed to take the entire Shining Force with him on this attack. Sarumon and all 30 members of The Shining Force march up toward Gandalf who races toward them atop his steed Shadowfax. While on top of his horse Gandalf rides right over Adam the Robot, crushing his metal skull under Shadowfax’s powerful foot. He then uses Glamdring to kill Kokichi as well as Ed the knight, but with a blast of magic Sarumon knocks Gandalf off of Shadowfax. Shadowfax goes of to crush both Yogurt and Max’s wimpy healer before The Werewolf along with Hanzo the Ninja and the Shining Force Samurai rip the noble horse to pieces. Gandalf and Sarumon get into a powerful battle of magic that is leaving them both exhausted. Sarumon technically has the more powerful magic since it was he who was chosen by the elves and men of old to wield the power of the White Wizard, but Gandalf proves to be more resilient than anything Sarumon has ever faced. Gandalf actually conjures up enough power to begin to overtake Sarumon when the 3 wizards and magic creature come lend a hand by casting 2 Freeze 4’s, Blaze 4, and Bolt 4 on Gandalf, as well as Max, the leader of The Shining Force using the Chaos Breaker to finally due in the Gray Wizard’s power with an amazing assortment of Magic. The drained Gandalf lay on the ground defenseless as the remaining knights and gladiators of The Shining Force are sent in to finish him off. The mighty Treebeard comes trudging thru the grassland ready to fight when the much smaller Poison Ivy simply lifts her finger in his direction and causes the very limbs and leaves attached to the mighty Ent to attack and strangle the life out of the oldest living being from Middle Earth. The huge Ent dies in a matter of seconds but Poison Ivy’s powers are not able to defend her as the even larger King Kong comes running in at a much faster speed than Treebeard would even consider to crush Poison Ivy with his mighty fist. Catwoman is flanked by Riddler and Penguin as she rushes up towards the martial arts trio of Jet Li, Jackie Chan, and Griffin Poteracki and says “try to keep up boys” before she starts flipping around with amazing acrobatic prowess. Penguin tries to light up the 3 of them with his famous machine gun umbrella but all 3 of the “Team” members roll onto the ground dodging the bullets. Jackie Chan and Jet Li work in unison as they sweep the legs of both Riddler and Penguin. They then wrap their arms around the 2 Batman villains and crack their necks while Griffin is simply trying to stay away from Catwoman who is attacking wildly with her claws. Jackie and Jet move in to help but Jet Li is met with a deadly razor sharp finger nail to the neck. Catwoman, although being the most skilled fighter left in this mini battle is outnumbered and all Jackie Chan needed was the split second of her struggling to pull her bloodied hand out of Jet Li’s neck for Chan to karate kick her to the ground, allowing his homeboy Griffin to lay down a super extreme mixed martial arts maneuver that brought his foot down on her neck to finish her off. Sawyer chuckles a bit as he kicks Dozer #7 about 30 yards to his doom. While riding the bench over the majority of the second half of the season Sephiroth has caught up on several modern day earth movies. One of those movies was Jurassic Park which is why he seems more than ready with his huge sword drawn as Velociraptor #31 begins to creep toward him, staring him directly in the eyes. They seem to be doing their same old trick, and he is ready as Raptors #32 & 33 jump at him from the side with the claws on their feet ready to draw blood. Sephiroth quickly moves out of the way and uses his massive sword to cleanly remove the heads of the 2 dinosaurs. Sephiroth is standing on the desert ground proudly when Raptor #34 jumps out from behind him before he even noticed the 7’ tall dinosaur was there. Raptor #31 runs in quickly to help his fellow carnivore devour the Final Fantasy warrior. Glinda leads Robin Hood and Little John as they ride on Horses #28 & 29 toward the recently victorious King Kong. The huge ape is jumping around wildly until Glinda from the air waves her wand and completely freezes King Kong in place. Robin Hood then pulls out his bow and quickly puts 4 well-placed arrows into the neck and mouth of King Kong while Little John scurries up his back and sticks his sword into the back of King Kong’s head. The 3 of them work perfectly together but they find that their weaponry and fighting styles do not work quite as well against The Combaticons, especially as they merge to form Bruticus. Bruticus first smashes the 2 horses with his metal fists and then grabs a hold of Robin Hood and his partner John Little who both go down swinging in a truly valiant fashion before the huge gestalt crushes the life out of both of them. Glinda flies at the Decepticon in an attempt to avenge the deaths of her friends but Bruticus swats the witch out of the air and the steps on her to finish the job. Godzilla moves across the desert toward the water to fight The Sando Aqua Monster and Jaws in their own turf. Napoleon’s Brigade has much confidence in the 2 fierce sea creatures but as they look around the battlefield they see Godzilla as the only real threat to the 2 animals. It is because of this that Morpheus orders Jules, Vincent, and the Storm Troopers to help him try to stop, or at least slow down the huge monster on its way to the water. As they begin to move toward the baddest Mo-Fo in all of Monster Island God Emperor Leto II pops out of the sand to defend his teammate. The Sentient Sandworm easily mows thru the ranks of the Storm Troopers, killing all 7 of them as well as Jules and Vincent, whose 9mm shells do very little to even slow down the 2nd Kwisatz Haderach. Morpheus moves quickly to get out of the way of The God Emperor and uses his tachi to put a small slice into the side of the one who can be many places at once, as well as using his full-auto Glock to put as many shells as he can into the inventor of the Golden Path but once Leto whips back around in the sandy dunes even Morpheus is not fast enough to get out of the way before Leto drags him underneath the sand and consumes him. Astrotrain takes flight but the 6 Silver Dragons take to the air after him. Astrotrain is more of a transport than a battle ready warrior so he at first simply does his best to avoid the blasts of fire from the dragons that are chasing him but once the Decepticon lures them farther away from the battle he begins to execute his true plan. Astrotrain opens up his side hatch and out flies Dirge, Blitzwing, and Swoop. The 3 flying Transformers double back and get behind the dragons and then blast 2 each out of the sky. The 3 Decepticons and the Dinobot then continue their attack run into the arctic where they use there Cybertronian eyes to spot the 6 Snow Troopers who are blending in perfectly amongst the snow drifts. The Snow Troopers open fire on the Transformers and blow apart the left wing of Swoop which causes him to go crashing into the arctic landscape to his death but the Decepticons then make short work of the Troopers in a single strafing run. Allia Atreides and Trinity begin a fast paced multi styled fight that would make any dork in his parents basement happy for the rest of his life (trust me). Allia swings her crysknife wildly at Trinity but the former computer hacker dodges every strike. Trinity pulls out her Beretta but Allia kicks it out of her hand and then kicks her in the face before even bringing her leg to the ground. She then spins around with unbelievable speed and shoves her crysknife into the eye of Trinity. The unlikely pair of Luke Skywalker and Jengo Fett go racing into the city side by side. Luke uses his green lightsaber to block the bullets from Sonny Corleone’s Tommy Gun before he stabs both him and Sawyer while Dr. Burke gets blasted by Fett on her way to help them out while Fett uses his other laser pistol to simultaneously shoot Courtney Cox. Fett and Skywalker get separated as Jengo flies after Even Piel. Master Piel blocks the blaster bolts with his lightsaber as he attempts to bring the battle in closer and Jengo struggles to stay as far away from the Jedi’s melee weapon as possible. While this is going on Emperor Palpatine leaps toward Luke with his lightsaber already drawn. Luke holds him off for a second but Palpatine takes advantage of the less experienced Luke and destroys Luke’s lightsaber with his own. The Dark Lord of the Sith then puts away his crimson saber and begins to shoot Luke with some extremely potent Sith Lightning. This time there is no one to save the young Jedi as he pays the price for his lack of vision and dies at the hands of his father’s master. Jengo continues to fire at Even Piel but eventually the small-statured Lannik warrior flips toward the Bounty Hunter and kicks him down to the ground. Fett tries to use his jet pack to propel himself up but before he can the Jedi Master stabs his lightsaber thru the both the armor and the heart of Jengo Fett. Godzilla crushes the remaining 2 Velociraptors under his feet right before he begins to walk into the deep waters where Le’ Napoleon Brigade’s formidable sea creatures wait. The Sando Aqua Monster swims up closer to the surface then he usually would go just for a second to pull Godzilla down to an area where he is more comfortable. Jaws swims in to get a part of the meal but as he approaches Godzilla grabs the Great White Shark with his powerful arms and rips it apart. While deep under the water the Sando Aqua Monster begins pulling and biting at Godzilla who although probably more powerful than the monster from Naboo’s planet core is not in any way in his element. As a last ditch effort Godzilla grabs a hold of the long skinny neck of the Sea Monster and attempts to fight back. The Sando Aqua Monster then begins to bite at the chest of Godzilla, but Godzilla, the fellow monster fighting pro that he is returns the favor by biting down on the neck of the Sando Aqua Monster and releasing what little electrified fire breath he can into the body of his opponent and into the water sending a nuclear-like burst throughout the deep sea, killing not only the Sando Aqua Monster but also killing himself as well. The battered Superman has taken a beating unlike any humanoid across the galaxy could endure. Wonder Woman uses her clinched fists to knock the knees out from underneath the last son of Krypton and knock him flat on his back. Wonder Girl then moves to jump on top of Superman but Superman has a clear shot at her while she does this which allows him to completely fry her with a huge stream of heat vision before she can come down on him. A Furious Wonder Woman picks up Superman and throws him about 20 yards. Wonder Woman moves quickly and is already punching the alien originally known as Kal El before he even lands. Wonder Woman then focuses all her strength to come down on Superman but he uses his superior speed to get out of the way just in time. Superman pops up behind his old friend and former Justice Leaguer and uses her own momentum compiled with his incredible strength to drive her face first into the ground with his fist and in the process crack her neck. Unicron now thousands of light years away is within a few miles (practically nothing in space) of the robots he is pursuing. Padme from within Skyfire sees this as well and orders Skyfire and Hecate to turn around and face the massive Transformer who they have led all this way to fight. Alan Scott flies out of the hatch of Skyfire and appears to be no more than a small green spark next to the massive planet in robot form. This small size in no way diminishes the power that he possesses though as he blasts Unicron with every bit of magic green energy that he can muster. Skyfire and Hecate both fly around Unicron as fast as they can and unload every bit of weaponry they have at the massive robot. Unicron turns toward Hecate and blasts her with a tremendous amount of laser power that completely disintegrates the once powerful Titan. Padme still is hoping that if they can only get inside the body of Unicron then Duncan Idaho may be able to work some kind of unexplainable power on the huge being and destroy him from the inside out but her hopes are somewhat dashed when Unicron catches Alan Scott with his finger as he swats at the Green Lantern and kills him. Padme has Skyfire fly toward the head of Unicron thinking that he may be able to get inside the gargantuan Transformer thru either his ear or eye, especially if the Kwisatz Haderach Duncan Idaho can keep Unicron busy by penetrating his brain mentally. These seem like stellar ideas but they are destroyed as Unicron grabs a hold of the flying Autobot with his massive metal hands. Juliet plunges a knife deep into her chest so as not to give her enemy the satisfaction of actually killing her but Padme and Duncan Idaho look at each other proudly knowing that if the rest of the Brigade can take what is left of Team that they have led Unicron so far away from the battle that he will never get all the way back there in time to help them. Seraph, Evil Paul, and The Miles Teg Ghola move toward Aragorn and Arwen atop their favorite horses #26 & 27. Paulo viciously knocks them off of there horses and kills the 2 animals with his imitation ancient Harkonen blade, while Miles Teg and Seraph move against the rightful King and Queen of Gondor. Aragorn and Arwen are both skilled fighters but they simply cannot match the speed of Miles and Seraph. Seraph uses Aragorn to kick himself into the air where he uses both his pistols to shoot Arwen several times. Paulo arrogantly joins the fight and is stabbed by Aragorn’s Elven knife right before Miles Teg punches Aragorn in the head with such velocity that he vibrates loose his internal organs. The Original Titans fly by on a strafing run to shoot The Atreides soldiers but the shrapnel is blocked by their personal Holtzman shields. John Mclaine runs up to Samus and kicks her in the head, knocking her helmet off. “I wasn’t expecting a chick” Mclaine says as he puts 2 bullets into her dome. Mclaine then grabs Samus’ boots and puts them on and then jumps about 25 feet into the air on top of the low-flying Titan #1. “What the F&*k are you doing on the back of this…… never mind John you don’t even know what the F&*k you are on the back of” Mclaine says to himself. Titan #1 begins swerving thru the air in an attempt to throw him off but the tough New York cop hangs on. “Oh, your gonna fly like that, how about we do it this way then Mo*&^rF%$*r” John continues to nervously talk to himself from on top of the huge Cymek by saying “Oh by the way Mo*(&F&^%r you guys are gonna have to get a new F&*ing ice shooting space chick cause I just greased your last one” John Mclaine is saying this as he is unloading the plastic explosives that he is carrying in his infamous backpack and sticking them in the artillery rack of Original Titan #1. Mclaine jumps off of the top of the Titan to the top of a nearby building and says “See you in hell Mo&*^F^%r, that’s enough plastic explosives to orbit The Sando Aqua Monster, and I didn’t even know what the F&*k that was until a couple of months ago”. He then starts laughing uncontrollably as Titan #1 blows up in mid-air. Unfortunately this victory is short-lived as Shockwave decides to put and end to this crazy human’s killing spree by transforming into gun form and blowing up the entire building that Mclaine is standing on. Obi Wan and Allia lead the Atreides Soldiers against The Shining Force. Obi Wan uses the force to pull the last 3 fliers out of the air so the soldiers can stab them to death while Allia mows thru all the remaining knights. Obi Wan believes that they can easily finish off the rest of The Shining Force until he sees Neo approaching and senses that he needs to fight him instead while similarly, the attention of The Atreides Soldiers are diverted to the approaching figure of the freshly transformed Fortress Maximus in robot form. The soldier’s personal shields protect them for a little while but they cannot protect them from an incoming massive metal fist or foot which is how Fortress Maximus destroys the 6 loyal servants to the Atreides banner. Obi Wan comes out of his defensive Form 3 posture to attack Neo with his lightsaber but the chosen one evades every swing of the blue blade. Neo knocks the lightsaber out of Obi Wan’s hand with a right handed karate chop and then kicks Obi Wan in the chest. Even with Kenobi’s Jedi reflexes he is not fast enough to see Neo coming at him after this move, Neo then finishes him off with a series of super-powered punches to the chest which his body, despite Jedi conditioning simply cannot handle. Emperor Palpatine and Even Piel work surprisingly well together as they rip thru the ranks of Team Killing both the weakened Saruman & Griffin and then moving on to Blitzwing in tank form who they cut into from the top down with their lightsabers. Allia is attacked by Battle Cat who jumps on top of the “abomination”. Allia gets out from under the huge tiger and stabs it in its jugular vein to kill it, but He-Man along with Jackie Chan and the 2 Shining Force gladiators Luke and Gort avenge Battle Cat by having to combine their efforts and their weapons to finish off the sister of Maud Dib. Laser blasts from the remaining Transformers cause Palpatine and Even Piel to have to separate but they are still using the force to move rapidly throughout their remaining opponents. Palpatine stands with his lightsaber drawn, still completely confident until both Neo and Superman fly down on either side of him, not to mention Miles Teg and Seraph who run up quickly to help as well. Superman shoots a continuous ray of heat vision at Palpatine which he blocks with his lightsaber and the force but while he is tied up with this: Neo, Seraph, and Miles Teg run in to kill him with a flurry of unbelievably fast punches to kill the Sith Lord. Even Piel quickly cuts thru Jan and Jace before he stands face to face with Space Ghost. Even Piel is confident going into this fight until Original Titan #2 lands behind him as well as God Emperor Leto II who has jumped out of the desert to lend a hand as well. Blip the monkey lands on Even Piel’s head in an attempt to avenge his friends Jan and Jace but Even Piel force pushes him away with ease; but with this distraction, Space Ghost opens fire on the Jedi Master and finishes him off with his laser powered arm bands.
TEAM IS VICTORIOUS AND THE FIRST EVER FANTASY FANTASY CHAMPIONS!
Le’ Napoleon Brigade is Gandalf w/ Shadowfax, Wonder Woman & Wonder Girl, Poison Ivy, Obi Wan Kenobi, Even Piel, Skyfire, Alan Scott, Hecate, The Penguin, Duncan Idaho Mentat Ghola #12, Allia Atreides, The Sando Aqua Monster, Jaws: The Shark, Snow Trooper #46-50, Aragorn son of Arathorn, Arwen Evenstar, John Mclaine, Morpheus, Jules Winfield & Vincent Vega, Atreides Soldier #1-6, Catwoman, Evil Lyn, Karg, Skeletor’s Crack Troops #1-6, Marcellus Wallace, Horse #26-31, Vito Corleone, Santino Corleone, Silver Dragon #1-6, Emperor Palpatine, The Riddler, Velociraptor #31-34, Man at Arms & Teela, Robin Hood & Little John, Glinda the Good Witch, Dr. Juliet Burke, James “Sawyer” Ford, Storm Trooper #51-57, Juliet Capulet, Courtney Cox, & Padme Amidala.
The match we have all been waiting for has finally arrived. The battle for the first ever Fantasy Fantasy League Championship. Head Coach Napoleon Bonaparte knows full well that his team’s weakness is space but despite this problem he has assured all members of the media that he has something special up his sleeve to handle the problem of Team’s largest member Unicron. One of Le Petite Corporal’s most trusted fighters Padme Amidala has been chosen to lead the space attack, but other than that they have been very hush hush about what their plan entails. Wonder Woman, in a brief statement before the match simply said “Don’t Worry, Superman is mine”. As she was walking off the stage Wonder Girl approached the microphone and added “She means ours” and then the sidekick followed her off the stage. As the battle begins He-Man and Battle Cat, who were extremely offended by The Oracle’s choice to not start them at all in the first 2 weeks of the play-offs are very anxious to make an impression. They instantly rush over towards the sworn enemies of Eternia, Evil Lyn and her troops. Evil Lyn and Karg are riding on Horses #30 & 31 with their 6 troopers out in front of them but as He-Man and Battle Cat ride toward them the 2 horses begin to rear up. He-Man jumps off of Battle Cat and starts ripping through the Crack Troops with the Sword of Grayskull, while Battle Cat knocks both Karg and Evil Lyn off of their horses, killing the 2 animals. Evil Lyn shoots some sort of evil magic at He-Man but he blocks it with his shield and then finishes her off by throwing his axe into her head. Karg slices the front leg of Battle Cat with his Sai shaped Knife but it simply serves to madden the beast who then rips him apart. The 2 Original Titans have not chosen to go with their largest or most powerful Cymek suits simply because The Oracle wanted them to have the option to go into space if need be. Instead both Titan #1 & 2 have gone with sleek flying Cymeks, that can be useful flying over any terrain (besides 1 week was not quite long enough for the members of Team to fix up the massive amount of damage done to Titan #2’s tank body by The Horsemen of Apokolips in the American League Championship). The 2 of them fly low over the city and blast both Marcellus Wallace and Vito Corleone, who do not like to let each other out of their sight, despite the fact that they claim to be the best of friends. Man at Arms and Teela on the other hand have positioned themselves on top of one of the nearby buildings and in a daring maneuver jump on top of the 2 fast flying Cymeks. Man at Arms had told his daughter Teela not to follow him on this crazy attack but the wild fighter Teela has never been known to listen to her father at times like this. The 2 of them both start using both laser guns and striking weapons to try and break thru the hull of the Titans but they are unsuccessful. The 2 Titans then turn up on their sides and fly in close to one another until they crush the 2 brave yet somewhat foolish warriors of Eternia into one another with their thick metal bodies. Padme Amidala, the leader of the space attack, along with Duncan Idaho, Alan Scott and Juliet Capulet, the star-crossed fighter (is that to much of a stretch?) climb in to Skyfire, who blasts off into space along with the huge Cymek known as Hecate. The 2 large space-ready sentient beings are still miniscule in size compared to the massive Unicron, but they are all more than willing to do what they can to try and stop the massive Transformer planet. Hecate and Skyfire both begin to fly directly at Unicron, who is already moving toward the planet, getting ready to begin entering the planets atmosphere. Once they get somewhat close to Unicron Duncan Idaho establishes a mental link with the massive Transformer that only he could be capable of due to the fact that he is linked with Erasmus and The powerful Evermind known as Omnius. Once the link is established, the noble Duncan Idaho does a mentat calculation to find what would make Unicron the angriest. He expresses these feelings to Unicron mentally just as the brilliant tactician Napoleon had ordered. Napoleon Bonaparte knows that anything, no matter how powerful has a weakness. Even if you take this idea to the extreme point of something being so powerful that its only weakness is not having a weakness. The truth is that Unicron is way to powerful to listen to an order given him by his head coach The Oracle and when the mighty Unicron’s absolute power was questioned by several peons in obsolete space craft he instantly forgot about any little bit of Loyalty he ever had to Team. This is when Napoleon and Padme’s plan begins to work. Just as Unicron breaks away from the battlefield planets atmosphere to engage Hecate and Skyfire the Autobot and former Titan duo blast their jets with as much power as they can muster in an attempt to get away from Unicron. Unicron of course begins to chase after the 2 of them. Padme and the space crew of course know full well that Unicron will eventually catch them but they also know that if they can lure the huge ancient Transformer far enough away from the battle, than they can make him a non-entity in this battle. Superman is flying toward the water where he is going to go in and try to fight the massive Sando Aqua Monster when he is intercepted by his old teammate Wonder Woman and her sidekick Wonder Girl. The Amazon leaps into the air to grab a hold of Superman and then brings him down to the ground where they both hit with enough force to cause a small tremor on the desert floor. The 2 of them begin trading blows with Superman gaining a little bit of the upper hand until Wonder Girl comes in to help out her boss. She knows exactly when to jump in and when to let Wonder Woman take over in the fight which completely evens out the superhero brawl, and makes it plain to see that this fight is not going to be over quickly. Over the last week Team has had much discussion about Gandalf and what he is capable of which is why The Oracle started Sarumon and told him that he can take whatever help he deemed necessary to try to take out the Gray Wizard. Sarumon decided that despite the fact that he has defeated Gandalf before that he needed to take the entire Shining Force with him on this attack. Sarumon and all 30 members of The Shining Force march up toward Gandalf who races toward them atop his steed Shadowfax. While on top of his horse Gandalf rides right over Adam the Robot, crushing his metal skull under Shadowfax’s powerful foot. He then uses Glamdring to kill Kokichi as well as Ed the knight, but with a blast of magic Sarumon knocks Gandalf off of Shadowfax. Shadowfax goes of to crush both Yogurt and Max’s wimpy healer before The Werewolf along with Hanzo the Ninja and the Shining Force Samurai rip the noble horse to pieces. Gandalf and Sarumon get into a powerful battle of magic that is leaving them both exhausted. Sarumon technically has the more powerful magic since it was he who was chosen by the elves and men of old to wield the power of the White Wizard, but Gandalf proves to be more resilient than anything Sarumon has ever faced. Gandalf actually conjures up enough power to begin to overtake Sarumon when the 3 wizards and magic creature come lend a hand by casting 2 Freeze 4’s, Blaze 4, and Bolt 4 on Gandalf, as well as Max, the leader of The Shining Force using the Chaos Breaker to finally due in the Gray Wizard’s power with an amazing assortment of Magic. The drained Gandalf lay on the ground defenseless as the remaining knights and gladiators of The Shining Force are sent in to finish him off. The mighty Treebeard comes trudging thru the grassland ready to fight when the much smaller Poison Ivy simply lifts her finger in his direction and causes the very limbs and leaves attached to the mighty Ent to attack and strangle the life out of the oldest living being from Middle Earth. The huge Ent dies in a matter of seconds but Poison Ivy’s powers are not able to defend her as the even larger King Kong comes running in at a much faster speed than Treebeard would even consider to crush Poison Ivy with his mighty fist. Catwoman is flanked by Riddler and Penguin as she rushes up towards the martial arts trio of Jet Li, Jackie Chan, and Griffin Poteracki and says “try to keep up boys” before she starts flipping around with amazing acrobatic prowess. Penguin tries to light up the 3 of them with his famous machine gun umbrella but all 3 of the “Team” members roll onto the ground dodging the bullets. Jackie Chan and Jet Li work in unison as they sweep the legs of both Riddler and Penguin. They then wrap their arms around the 2 Batman villains and crack their necks while Griffin is simply trying to stay away from Catwoman who is attacking wildly with her claws. Jackie and Jet move in to help but Jet Li is met with a deadly razor sharp finger nail to the neck. Catwoman, although being the most skilled fighter left in this mini battle is outnumbered and all Jackie Chan needed was the split second of her struggling to pull her bloodied hand out of Jet Li’s neck for Chan to karate kick her to the ground, allowing his homeboy Griffin to lay down a super extreme mixed martial arts maneuver that brought his foot down on her neck to finish her off. Sawyer chuckles a bit as he kicks Dozer #7 about 30 yards to his doom. While riding the bench over the majority of the second half of the season Sephiroth has caught up on several modern day earth movies. One of those movies was Jurassic Park which is why he seems more than ready with his huge sword drawn as Velociraptor #31 begins to creep toward him, staring him directly in the eyes. They seem to be doing their same old trick, and he is ready as Raptors #32 & 33 jump at him from the side with the claws on their feet ready to draw blood. Sephiroth quickly moves out of the way and uses his massive sword to cleanly remove the heads of the 2 dinosaurs. Sephiroth is standing on the desert ground proudly when Raptor #34 jumps out from behind him before he even noticed the 7’ tall dinosaur was there. Raptor #31 runs in quickly to help his fellow carnivore devour the Final Fantasy warrior. Glinda leads Robin Hood and Little John as they ride on Horses #28 & 29 toward the recently victorious King Kong. The huge ape is jumping around wildly until Glinda from the air waves her wand and completely freezes King Kong in place. Robin Hood then pulls out his bow and quickly puts 4 well-placed arrows into the neck and mouth of King Kong while Little John scurries up his back and sticks his sword into the back of King Kong’s head. The 3 of them work perfectly together but they find that their weaponry and fighting styles do not work quite as well against The Combaticons, especially as they merge to form Bruticus. Bruticus first smashes the 2 horses with his metal fists and then grabs a hold of Robin Hood and his partner John Little who both go down swinging in a truly valiant fashion before the huge gestalt crushes the life out of both of them. Glinda flies at the Decepticon in an attempt to avenge the deaths of her friends but Bruticus swats the witch out of the air and the steps on her to finish the job. Godzilla moves across the desert toward the water to fight The Sando Aqua Monster and Jaws in their own turf. Napoleon’s Brigade has much confidence in the 2 fierce sea creatures but as they look around the battlefield they see Godzilla as the only real threat to the 2 animals. It is because of this that Morpheus orders Jules, Vincent, and the Storm Troopers to help him try to stop, or at least slow down the huge monster on its way to the water. As they begin to move toward the baddest Mo-Fo in all of Monster Island God Emperor Leto II pops out of the sand to defend his teammate. The Sentient Sandworm easily mows thru the ranks of the Storm Troopers, killing all 7 of them as well as Jules and Vincent, whose 9mm shells do very little to even slow down the 2nd Kwisatz Haderach. Morpheus moves quickly to get out of the way of The God Emperor and uses his tachi to put a small slice into the side of the one who can be many places at once, as well as using his full-auto Glock to put as many shells as he can into the inventor of the Golden Path but once Leto whips back around in the sandy dunes even Morpheus is not fast enough to get out of the way before Leto drags him underneath the sand and consumes him. Astrotrain takes flight but the 6 Silver Dragons take to the air after him. Astrotrain is more of a transport than a battle ready warrior so he at first simply does his best to avoid the blasts of fire from the dragons that are chasing him but once the Decepticon lures them farther away from the battle he begins to execute his true plan. Astrotrain opens up his side hatch and out flies Dirge, Blitzwing, and Swoop. The 3 flying Transformers double back and get behind the dragons and then blast 2 each out of the sky. The 3 Decepticons and the Dinobot then continue their attack run into the arctic where they use there Cybertronian eyes to spot the 6 Snow Troopers who are blending in perfectly amongst the snow drifts. The Snow Troopers open fire on the Transformers and blow apart the left wing of Swoop which causes him to go crashing into the arctic landscape to his death but the Decepticons then make short work of the Troopers in a single strafing run. Allia Atreides and Trinity begin a fast paced multi styled fight that would make any dork in his parents basement happy for the rest of his life (trust me). Allia swings her crysknife wildly at Trinity but the former computer hacker dodges every strike. Trinity pulls out her Beretta but Allia kicks it out of her hand and then kicks her in the face before even bringing her leg to the ground. She then spins around with unbelievable speed and shoves her crysknife into the eye of Trinity. The unlikely pair of Luke Skywalker and Jengo Fett go racing into the city side by side. Luke uses his green lightsaber to block the bullets from Sonny Corleone’s Tommy Gun before he stabs both him and Sawyer while Dr. Burke gets blasted by Fett on her way to help them out while Fett uses his other laser pistol to simultaneously shoot Courtney Cox. Fett and Skywalker get separated as Jengo flies after Even Piel. Master Piel blocks the blaster bolts with his lightsaber as he attempts to bring the battle in closer and Jengo struggles to stay as far away from the Jedi’s melee weapon as possible. While this is going on Emperor Palpatine leaps toward Luke with his lightsaber already drawn. Luke holds him off for a second but Palpatine takes advantage of the less experienced Luke and destroys Luke’s lightsaber with his own. The Dark Lord of the Sith then puts away his crimson saber and begins to shoot Luke with some extremely potent Sith Lightning. This time there is no one to save the young Jedi as he pays the price for his lack of vision and dies at the hands of his father’s master. Jengo continues to fire at Even Piel but eventually the small-statured Lannik warrior flips toward the Bounty Hunter and kicks him down to the ground. Fett tries to use his jet pack to propel himself up but before he can the Jedi Master stabs his lightsaber thru the both the armor and the heart of Jengo Fett. Godzilla crushes the remaining 2 Velociraptors under his feet right before he begins to walk into the deep waters where Le’ Napoleon Brigade’s formidable sea creatures wait. The Sando Aqua Monster swims up closer to the surface then he usually would go just for a second to pull Godzilla down to an area where he is more comfortable. Jaws swims in to get a part of the meal but as he approaches Godzilla grabs the Great White Shark with his powerful arms and rips it apart. While deep under the water the Sando Aqua Monster begins pulling and biting at Godzilla who although probably more powerful than the monster from Naboo’s planet core is not in any way in his element. As a last ditch effort Godzilla grabs a hold of the long skinny neck of the Sea Monster and attempts to fight back. The Sando Aqua Monster then begins to bite at the chest of Godzilla, but Godzilla, the fellow monster fighting pro that he is returns the favor by biting down on the neck of the Sando Aqua Monster and releasing what little electrified fire breath he can into the body of his opponent and into the water sending a nuclear-like burst throughout the deep sea, killing not only the Sando Aqua Monster but also killing himself as well. The battered Superman has taken a beating unlike any humanoid across the galaxy could endure. Wonder Woman uses her clinched fists to knock the knees out from underneath the last son of Krypton and knock him flat on his back. Wonder Girl then moves to jump on top of Superman but Superman has a clear shot at her while she does this which allows him to completely fry her with a huge stream of heat vision before she can come down on him. A Furious Wonder Woman picks up Superman and throws him about 20 yards. Wonder Woman moves quickly and is already punching the alien originally known as Kal El before he even lands. Wonder Woman then focuses all her strength to come down on Superman but he uses his superior speed to get out of the way just in time. Superman pops up behind his old friend and former Justice Leaguer and uses her own momentum compiled with his incredible strength to drive her face first into the ground with his fist and in the process crack her neck. Unicron now thousands of light years away is within a few miles (practically nothing in space) of the robots he is pursuing. Padme from within Skyfire sees this as well and orders Skyfire and Hecate to turn around and face the massive Transformer who they have led all this way to fight. Alan Scott flies out of the hatch of Skyfire and appears to be no more than a small green spark next to the massive planet in robot form. This small size in no way diminishes the power that he possesses though as he blasts Unicron with every bit of magic green energy that he can muster. Skyfire and Hecate both fly around Unicron as fast as they can and unload every bit of weaponry they have at the massive robot. Unicron turns toward Hecate and blasts her with a tremendous amount of laser power that completely disintegrates the once powerful Titan. Padme still is hoping that if they can only get inside the body of Unicron then Duncan Idaho may be able to work some kind of unexplainable power on the huge being and destroy him from the inside out but her hopes are somewhat dashed when Unicron catches Alan Scott with his finger as he swats at the Green Lantern and kills him. Padme has Skyfire fly toward the head of Unicron thinking that he may be able to get inside the gargantuan Transformer thru either his ear or eye, especially if the Kwisatz Haderach Duncan Idaho can keep Unicron busy by penetrating his brain mentally. These seem like stellar ideas but they are destroyed as Unicron grabs a hold of the flying Autobot with his massive metal hands. Juliet plunges a knife deep into her chest so as not to give her enemy the satisfaction of actually killing her but Padme and Duncan Idaho look at each other proudly knowing that if the rest of the Brigade can take what is left of Team that they have led Unicron so far away from the battle that he will never get all the way back there in time to help them. Seraph, Evil Paul, and The Miles Teg Ghola move toward Aragorn and Arwen atop their favorite horses #26 & 27. Paulo viciously knocks them off of there horses and kills the 2 animals with his imitation ancient Harkonen blade, while Miles Teg and Seraph move against the rightful King and Queen of Gondor. Aragorn and Arwen are both skilled fighters but they simply cannot match the speed of Miles and Seraph. Seraph uses Aragorn to kick himself into the air where he uses both his pistols to shoot Arwen several times. Paulo arrogantly joins the fight and is stabbed by Aragorn’s Elven knife right before Miles Teg punches Aragorn in the head with such velocity that he vibrates loose his internal organs. The Original Titans fly by on a strafing run to shoot The Atreides soldiers but the shrapnel is blocked by their personal Holtzman shields. John Mclaine runs up to Samus and kicks her in the head, knocking her helmet off. “I wasn’t expecting a chick” Mclaine says as he puts 2 bullets into her dome. Mclaine then grabs Samus’ boots and puts them on and then jumps about 25 feet into the air on top of the low-flying Titan #1. “What the F&*k are you doing on the back of this…… never mind John you don’t even know what the F&*k you are on the back of” Mclaine says to himself. Titan #1 begins swerving thru the air in an attempt to throw him off but the tough New York cop hangs on. “Oh, your gonna fly like that, how about we do it this way then Mo*&^rF%$*r” John continues to nervously talk to himself from on top of the huge Cymek by saying “Oh by the way Mo*(&F&^%r you guys are gonna have to get a new F&*ing ice shooting space chick cause I just greased your last one” John Mclaine is saying this as he is unloading the plastic explosives that he is carrying in his infamous backpack and sticking them in the artillery rack of Original Titan #1. Mclaine jumps off of the top of the Titan to the top of a nearby building and says “See you in hell Mo&*^F^%r, that’s enough plastic explosives to orbit The Sando Aqua Monster, and I didn’t even know what the F&*k that was until a couple of months ago”. He then starts laughing uncontrollably as Titan #1 blows up in mid-air. Unfortunately this victory is short-lived as Shockwave decides to put and end to this crazy human’s killing spree by transforming into gun form and blowing up the entire building that Mclaine is standing on. Obi Wan and Allia lead the Atreides Soldiers against The Shining Force. Obi Wan uses the force to pull the last 3 fliers out of the air so the soldiers can stab them to death while Allia mows thru all the remaining knights. Obi Wan believes that they can easily finish off the rest of The Shining Force until he sees Neo approaching and senses that he needs to fight him instead while similarly, the attention of The Atreides Soldiers are diverted to the approaching figure of the freshly transformed Fortress Maximus in robot form. The soldier’s personal shields protect them for a little while but they cannot protect them from an incoming massive metal fist or foot which is how Fortress Maximus destroys the 6 loyal servants to the Atreides banner. Obi Wan comes out of his defensive Form 3 posture to attack Neo with his lightsaber but the chosen one evades every swing of the blue blade. Neo knocks the lightsaber out of Obi Wan’s hand with a right handed karate chop and then kicks Obi Wan in the chest. Even with Kenobi’s Jedi reflexes he is not fast enough to see Neo coming at him after this move, Neo then finishes him off with a series of super-powered punches to the chest which his body, despite Jedi conditioning simply cannot handle. Emperor Palpatine and Even Piel work surprisingly well together as they rip thru the ranks of Team Killing both the weakened Saruman & Griffin and then moving on to Blitzwing in tank form who they cut into from the top down with their lightsabers. Allia is attacked by Battle Cat who jumps on top of the “abomination”. Allia gets out from under the huge tiger and stabs it in its jugular vein to kill it, but He-Man along with Jackie Chan and the 2 Shining Force gladiators Luke and Gort avenge Battle Cat by having to combine their efforts and their weapons to finish off the sister of Maud Dib. Laser blasts from the remaining Transformers cause Palpatine and Even Piel to have to separate but they are still using the force to move rapidly throughout their remaining opponents. Palpatine stands with his lightsaber drawn, still completely confident until both Neo and Superman fly down on either side of him, not to mention Miles Teg and Seraph who run up quickly to help as well. Superman shoots a continuous ray of heat vision at Palpatine which he blocks with his lightsaber and the force but while he is tied up with this: Neo, Seraph, and Miles Teg run in to kill him with a flurry of unbelievably fast punches to kill the Sith Lord. Even Piel quickly cuts thru Jan and Jace before he stands face to face with Space Ghost. Even Piel is confident going into this fight until Original Titan #2 lands behind him as well as God Emperor Leto II who has jumped out of the desert to lend a hand as well. Blip the monkey lands on Even Piel’s head in an attempt to avenge his friends Jan and Jace but Even Piel force pushes him away with ease; but with this distraction, Space Ghost opens fire on the Jedi Master and finishes him off with his laser powered arm bands.
TEAM IS VICTORIOUS AND THE FIRST EVER FANTASY FANTASY CHAMPIONS!
THANK YOU! THANK YOU! THANK YOU!
I just wanted to say thank you to everyone who read my matches this season. I hope that they were fun to read and I really hope that I was able to write a good enough story in there to make at least one person mad(I'm pretty sure that happened). I would also like to say thanks to Josh and Ryan for letting me mess with their already vast library of stories and add my little twist to it. Anyways, I hope to back doing the same thing next year so until then, Good Luck. Love to the NL in the finals.
Sincerely,
Nick
Sincerely,
Nick
Monday, June 9, 2008
Note from the Commissioner
Do to circumstances similar to before; the Universe Bowl will be delayed for 1 DAY, and no longer. It will be posted the evening of Tuesday June 10th. I apologize for the delay, and I hope that it adds to the excitement instead of acting as a deterent for the enthusiasm of the event.
Thank You
-Josh
Final Consolation Match-Round 3: Team Fred Vs Brock Sampson's Fighting Murderflies
Team Fred is Compy #29 & Smurf #10
The Murderflies are Ron Popeil
Round 1: Fight! Ron Popeil knew from the start that he had this match in the bag. Though Ron gives off a cool persona, he is actually the most arrogant man on the face of the earth. It basically comes with the territory of always having an answer to all of life’s hardest questions. This test of course would come awfully quick in this match because as soon as he heard the voice say ‘Fight’, Compy #29 had ran over to him and bitten him on the leg. He was able to quickly snap the neck of the pint-sized dinosaur, but the poison in the Compy’s bite was soon taking over his body. He could feel the poison surging through his body like a six-hour energy drink, but before it was able to attack his central nervous system, he was able to administer the anti venom that he had concocted right before his match. You see, Ron is a big Michael Crichton fan and knew that the Compy’s carried a mean poison in their system. After a minute Ron was starting to feel better and as soon as he did he pulled out a can of spray hair and sprayed it all over the face and mouth of Smurf #10, killing it in the process.
Round 2: Fight! This time Ron was going to try not to get bit by the dinosaur and instead was hoping that he could try to capture some of him for his food dehydrator. He had never had Compy Jerky and he was curious to how it might taste. He was also curious to know what would happen if he were to inject the dinosaur with the anti venom that he had created. He was going to have to wait to test all of these queries has he realized that winning the match was the most important thing right now. So instead of trying to be all creative and long winded about the whole thing, he decided to just run up to the Compy and kick him straight in the head, again snapping his head. Ron, who was naturally a creative person was very bummed that he had killed the dinosaur the same way both times. So instead of going straight over to the Smurf, he decided to inject the anti venom into the dinosaur to see if it could re-animate his body. After a minute of waiting Ron realized how stupid this idea was and instead just picked up the Compy and through him into the pit. After a while of thinking of new and cool things to do, Ron got bored with the match and decided to leave. “Hey, what about me. Aren’t you going to try to fight me too?” Ron looked back and saw the Smurf standing there in a tiff. “Oh man, I forgot about you. Hold on, I’ll be right back”. Ron then walked back to the Smurf, picked him up and threw him down into the pit. This ended the match for Ron who left the match unfulfilled and without anything new to bring home. Except of course for that sweet new Go-Cart that he had won. He figured at least one person would get something out of that thing.
Brock Sampson’s Fighting Murderflies are Victorious!
(Editor’s Note: I was going to have Ron Popeil kill the Smurf by putting him in the food dehydrator but I just couldn’t bring myself to do that. The scene in Gremlins where she puts the Gremlin in the microwave and kills him still gives me nightmares till this day so I just couldn’t live with myself by adding to the problem.)
The Murderflies are Ron Popeil
Round 1: Fight! Ron Popeil knew from the start that he had this match in the bag. Though Ron gives off a cool persona, he is actually the most arrogant man on the face of the earth. It basically comes with the territory of always having an answer to all of life’s hardest questions. This test of course would come awfully quick in this match because as soon as he heard the voice say ‘Fight’, Compy #29 had ran over to him and bitten him on the leg. He was able to quickly snap the neck of the pint-sized dinosaur, but the poison in the Compy’s bite was soon taking over his body. He could feel the poison surging through his body like a six-hour energy drink, but before it was able to attack his central nervous system, he was able to administer the anti venom that he had concocted right before his match. You see, Ron is a big Michael Crichton fan and knew that the Compy’s carried a mean poison in their system. After a minute Ron was starting to feel better and as soon as he did he pulled out a can of spray hair and sprayed it all over the face and mouth of Smurf #10, killing it in the process.
Round 2: Fight! This time Ron was going to try not to get bit by the dinosaur and instead was hoping that he could try to capture some of him for his food dehydrator. He had never had Compy Jerky and he was curious to how it might taste. He was also curious to know what would happen if he were to inject the dinosaur with the anti venom that he had created. He was going to have to wait to test all of these queries has he realized that winning the match was the most important thing right now. So instead of trying to be all creative and long winded about the whole thing, he decided to just run up to the Compy and kick him straight in the head, again snapping his head. Ron, who was naturally a creative person was very bummed that he had killed the dinosaur the same way both times. So instead of going straight over to the Smurf, he decided to inject the anti venom into the dinosaur to see if it could re-animate his body. After a minute of waiting Ron realized how stupid this idea was and instead just picked up the Compy and through him into the pit. After a while of thinking of new and cool things to do, Ron got bored with the match and decided to leave. “Hey, what about me. Aren’t you going to try to fight me too?” Ron looked back and saw the Smurf standing there in a tiff. “Oh man, I forgot about you. Hold on, I’ll be right back”. Ron then walked back to the Smurf, picked him up and threw him down into the pit. This ended the match for Ron who left the match unfulfilled and without anything new to bring home. Except of course for that sweet new Go-Cart that he had won. He figured at least one person would get something out of that thing.
Brock Sampson’s Fighting Murderflies are Victorious!
(Editor’s Note: I was going to have Ron Popeil kill the Smurf by putting him in the food dehydrator but I just couldn’t bring myself to do that. The scene in Gremlins where she puts the Gremlin in the microwave and kills him still gives me nightmares till this day so I just couldn’t live with myself by adding to the problem.)
Consolation Match-Round 3: The Outsiders Vs. Better Than All of You
The Outsiders are "The Golden Boy" Justin Oblak
Better Than All of You are Cobra Viper #1 & Dozer #4
Round 1: Fight! Justin instantly knows he is outmatched in this one. That is until he realizes that a Dozer is not actually a life-sized dozer. Once he realizes that a Dozer is literally a hard to see puppet from Fraggle Rock he starts to feel a bit better about his chances. That of course is until he sees the Cobra Viper and starts to worry again. This whole thing naturally takes less than a second of actual time, but I thought that it was important for everyone to know. Anyways, as the Cobra Viper began his approach Justin thought it would be cool to throw him off balance by starting to talk about random things like what was his favorite grocery store, you know, stuff like that. It worked for a little bit but not for long. The Cobra Viper finally made his way up to Justin, who by this time had found himself up against a wall. This put the Viper in the best position to begin his attack, which started and ended with several kicks to the face. Sure, Justin did get some good hits on the Cobra Viper, but it was not long before Justin was lying down dead on the platform above the pit.
Round 2: Fight! “Fine, talking not your thing, I see that now. I guess I’ll just have to kill you with my other form of kindness, my fists”. The Cobra Viper did not laugh as he is a humorless foot solider and has been trained to have no personality. That and probably the fact that what Justin said was not really funny. Justin then ran his fastest over to the soldier and kicked him straight in the balls. “Hells yeah baby, that’s how we do it at CC”. Then the Viper soldier stood straight up and round house kicked Justin straight in the head, “That’s how WE do it in the CC. You know Cobra Camp”. Justin though very hurt, still laughed a bit, as he now knew that this Cobra Viper was just a human being after all. As they both stood up Justin knew that he had the upper hand. He didn’t really know why he had the upper hand but he just had a feeling that he had it. Justin then decided that he was going to go for it as he dropkicked the soldier straight to the ground. The kick from Justin was surprisingly powerful, especially since he knocked the Viper right on top of the Dozer, killing it. The Viper realizing that he had killed the Dozer looked back to see what the crunching noise had been when he landed. Before he even had time to look back though, “The Golden Boy” landed another kick straight to the throat of the soldier, collapsing his airway, therefore killing him.
Round 3: Fight! The soldier this time ran at top speed and knocked Justin right to the ground. With Justin on the ground, there was not much he could do. Justin took a massive beating and passed out. The Cobra Viper was quite pleased with this outcome and without even waiting for the FINISH HIM to come out from the sky; he decided to knock Mr. Oblak into the pit. This of course was a big mistake on his part because Justin was not actually dead yet. The Cobra Viper walked over to Justin and started to push him over the side of the pit. Justin continued to lie motionless until the moment was right, which in this case came right as he was about to be put directly into the pit. Justin was just about to be pushed over the edge when he quickly grabbed onto the side of the ledge and with one swift move, grabbed the leg of the soldier and pulled him straight down to the bottom of the pit. Justin was ecstatic about this but was wondering why the match had not ended yet. Though he had killed the Cobra Viper, he was still severely beaten and was not going to be able to hold onto the ledge much longer. Then seemingly out of nowhere, Dozer #4 came over to “The Golden Boy” and started to stomp on his fingers. This naturally had no effect to Justin, as the feet of the Dozer basically did nothing to him. So instead of trying to wait this thing out, Justin did the only thing he could think of at the time. He decided with one last push to grab the Dozer with his left hand and pull the little guy down with him. As both Justin and the Dozer were both falling to their doom, Justin looked at the Dozer and said, “Sorry little guy”, and crushed him in hand, killing him. The next second Justin’s head hit a spike and killed him instantly but at least he would leave this pit a victor.
The Outsiders are Victorious!
Better Than All of You are Cobra Viper #1 & Dozer #4
Round 1: Fight! Justin instantly knows he is outmatched in this one. That is until he realizes that a Dozer is not actually a life-sized dozer. Once he realizes that a Dozer is literally a hard to see puppet from Fraggle Rock he starts to feel a bit better about his chances. That of course is until he sees the Cobra Viper and starts to worry again. This whole thing naturally takes less than a second of actual time, but I thought that it was important for everyone to know. Anyways, as the Cobra Viper began his approach Justin thought it would be cool to throw him off balance by starting to talk about random things like what was his favorite grocery store, you know, stuff like that. It worked for a little bit but not for long. The Cobra Viper finally made his way up to Justin, who by this time had found himself up against a wall. This put the Viper in the best position to begin his attack, which started and ended with several kicks to the face. Sure, Justin did get some good hits on the Cobra Viper, but it was not long before Justin was lying down dead on the platform above the pit.
Round 2: Fight! “Fine, talking not your thing, I see that now. I guess I’ll just have to kill you with my other form of kindness, my fists”. The Cobra Viper did not laugh as he is a humorless foot solider and has been trained to have no personality. That and probably the fact that what Justin said was not really funny. Justin then ran his fastest over to the soldier and kicked him straight in the balls. “Hells yeah baby, that’s how we do it at CC”. Then the Viper soldier stood straight up and round house kicked Justin straight in the head, “That’s how WE do it in the CC. You know Cobra Camp”. Justin though very hurt, still laughed a bit, as he now knew that this Cobra Viper was just a human being after all. As they both stood up Justin knew that he had the upper hand. He didn’t really know why he had the upper hand but he just had a feeling that he had it. Justin then decided that he was going to go for it as he dropkicked the soldier straight to the ground. The kick from Justin was surprisingly powerful, especially since he knocked the Viper right on top of the Dozer, killing it. The Viper realizing that he had killed the Dozer looked back to see what the crunching noise had been when he landed. Before he even had time to look back though, “The Golden Boy” landed another kick straight to the throat of the soldier, collapsing his airway, therefore killing him.
Round 3: Fight! The soldier this time ran at top speed and knocked Justin right to the ground. With Justin on the ground, there was not much he could do. Justin took a massive beating and passed out. The Cobra Viper was quite pleased with this outcome and without even waiting for the FINISH HIM to come out from the sky; he decided to knock Mr. Oblak into the pit. This of course was a big mistake on his part because Justin was not actually dead yet. The Cobra Viper walked over to Justin and started to push him over the side of the pit. Justin continued to lie motionless until the moment was right, which in this case came right as he was about to be put directly into the pit. Justin was just about to be pushed over the edge when he quickly grabbed onto the side of the ledge and with one swift move, grabbed the leg of the soldier and pulled him straight down to the bottom of the pit. Justin was ecstatic about this but was wondering why the match had not ended yet. Though he had killed the Cobra Viper, he was still severely beaten and was not going to be able to hold onto the ledge much longer. Then seemingly out of nowhere, Dozer #4 came over to “The Golden Boy” and started to stomp on his fingers. This naturally had no effect to Justin, as the feet of the Dozer basically did nothing to him. So instead of trying to wait this thing out, Justin did the only thing he could think of at the time. He decided with one last push to grab the Dozer with his left hand and pull the little guy down with him. As both Justin and the Dozer were both falling to their doom, Justin looked at the Dozer and said, “Sorry little guy”, and crushed him in hand, killing him. The next second Justin’s head hit a spike and killed him instantly but at least he would leave this pit a victor.
The Outsiders are Victorious!
Sunday, June 8, 2008
Consolation Match-Round 3: Beckerman's Backyardiagans: Beeyatches Vs. The Right Wing
B3 is Tyrone, Austin, & Tasha
The Right Wing is Nick Houslander
Round 1: Fight! “Wow, you guys are really kinda cute. The only thing that would make you cuter would be to see your dead bodies lying on the ground of the pit.” The not so subtle Nick was saying this as he was pumping Tyrone, Austin and Tasha full of 12 gauge shells from his double barrel shotgun that he always has with him. Flawless Victory!
Round 2: Fight! Nick once again began to fire his weapon off at the animals, which in this case only killed Tyrone. Austin and Tasha knew that they had to not only be quick but work as a team on this one. Austin made a run for it as Nick was firing and missing at the Kangaroo, who was now behind him. Nick then turned around and unloaded a quick shot to the face of the now dead Kangaroo. Nick was very happy by this until he felt a sharp pain in between his legs, as Tasha had kicked him directly in the crotch. Nick fell to the ground in blinding pain but before Tasha was even able to do anything else Nick threw something at the yellow hippos face. She looked down at the item, which looked like a bag of Halls Mentho Lyptus Cough Suppressants. “What was that for Nick?” Tasha said.
“Nothing, but it got you to look away for a second which is apparently all it takes you stupid little freak.” Nick then pulled the trigger of his gun one last time and blew the now dead hippo off of the ledge, sending her down to an even bloodier death then her friends had already experienced.
The Right Wing is Victorious!
The Right Wing is Nick Houslander
Round 1: Fight! “Wow, you guys are really kinda cute. The only thing that would make you cuter would be to see your dead bodies lying on the ground of the pit.” The not so subtle Nick was saying this as he was pumping Tyrone, Austin and Tasha full of 12 gauge shells from his double barrel shotgun that he always has with him. Flawless Victory!
Round 2: Fight! Nick once again began to fire his weapon off at the animals, which in this case only killed Tyrone. Austin and Tasha knew that they had to not only be quick but work as a team on this one. Austin made a run for it as Nick was firing and missing at the Kangaroo, who was now behind him. Nick then turned around and unloaded a quick shot to the face of the now dead Kangaroo. Nick was very happy by this until he felt a sharp pain in between his legs, as Tasha had kicked him directly in the crotch. Nick fell to the ground in blinding pain but before Tasha was even able to do anything else Nick threw something at the yellow hippos face. She looked down at the item, which looked like a bag of Halls Mentho Lyptus Cough Suppressants. “What was that for Nick?” Tasha said.
“Nothing, but it got you to look away for a second which is apparently all it takes you stupid little freak.” Nick then pulled the trigger of his gun one last time and blew the now dead hippo off of the ledge, sending her down to an even bloodier death then her friends had already experienced.
The Right Wing is Victorious!
Consolation Match-Round 3: Legion of Doom Vs. George Washington's Slaves
Legion of Doom is Rebel Trooper #1 & Treasure Troll #5
George Washington's Slaves are Ryan Poteracki
Round 1: Fight! Ryan instantly ducks to the ground as the Rebel Trooper began to shoot towards him. Ryan then made a mad dash, which included the accidental crushing of the Treasure Troll. Ryan then swept the legs out from underneath the Trooper, knocking the gun out from his arms. Ryan quickly grabbed the weapon from him and shot him in the head. Flawless Victory!
Round 2: Fight! The Rebel Trooper shot Ryan directly in the head, killing him. Flawless Victory!
Round 3: Fight! Ryan once again dropped right to the ground and said, “Well let’s not do that again”, in reference to the last rounds quick ending. This time though the Rebel Trooper was not going to go so easily. He started shooting at Ryan, even clipping him in the left arm. This didn’t hurt Ryan as much as it just pissed him off. He then made a mad dash for the Trooper when the green haired Treasure Troll suddenly tripped him down to the ground. “Did that really just happen” Ryan said when suddenly he looked over to his right side and saw a broken bottle of Jack Daniels lying next to him. “Where the hell did this come from? Oh well, here we go”. Ryan then once again swept the legs out from underneath the Rebel Trooper, kicked the blaster away from him and jammed the broken bottle into the face of the Rebel Trooper. With the Trooper now dead he walked over to the blaster and picked it up, he then walked over to the Treasure Troll and said, “Nice hair you little shit head”. He then shot the troll a half dozen times, killing him. FINISH HIM OR REALLY THEM! Ryan quickly went over to the troll and ripped his head off of his body, “Man, I’ve always wanted to do that”.
George Washington’s Slaves are Victorious!
George Washington's Slaves are Ryan Poteracki
Round 1: Fight! Ryan instantly ducks to the ground as the Rebel Trooper began to shoot towards him. Ryan then made a mad dash, which included the accidental crushing of the Treasure Troll. Ryan then swept the legs out from underneath the Trooper, knocking the gun out from his arms. Ryan quickly grabbed the weapon from him and shot him in the head. Flawless Victory!
Round 2: Fight! The Rebel Trooper shot Ryan directly in the head, killing him. Flawless Victory!
Round 3: Fight! Ryan once again dropped right to the ground and said, “Well let’s not do that again”, in reference to the last rounds quick ending. This time though the Rebel Trooper was not going to go so easily. He started shooting at Ryan, even clipping him in the left arm. This didn’t hurt Ryan as much as it just pissed him off. He then made a mad dash for the Trooper when the green haired Treasure Troll suddenly tripped him down to the ground. “Did that really just happen” Ryan said when suddenly he looked over to his right side and saw a broken bottle of Jack Daniels lying next to him. “Where the hell did this come from? Oh well, here we go”. Ryan then once again swept the legs out from underneath the Rebel Trooper, kicked the blaster away from him and jammed the broken bottle into the face of the Rebel Trooper. With the Trooper now dead he walked over to the blaster and picked it up, he then walked over to the Treasure Troll and said, “Nice hair you little shit head”. He then shot the troll a half dozen times, killing him. FINISH HIM OR REALLY THEM! Ryan quickly went over to the troll and ripped his head off of his body, “Man, I’ve always wanted to do that”.
George Washington’s Slaves are Victorious!
Consolation Match-Round 3:Alice's Wonder Team Vs. Built Ford Tough
Alice's Wonder Team is Goblin #1 & Treasure Troll #3
Built Ford Tough is Harrison Ford
Round 1: Fight! Harrison Ford took his bottle of Jack Daniels, slammed it and then shattered it on the ground of the ledge. He then ran over to Goblin #1 and sliced open his throat. The Goblin fell to the ground with blood pouring out of his throat. Unfortunately for the Treasure Troll, he was knocked over by his teammate and fell face first into the pool of blood that ran from the Goblin’s neck, drowning him in a pool of blood. Flawless Victory.
Round 2: Fight! Harrison Ford did the exact same thing as he did in the last round because neither of his opponents were smart enough to realize it. The only difference was that this time Harrison was able to finish off both of his opponents by pushing them off into the pit. Double Flawless!
Built Ford Tough is Victorious!
Built Ford Tough is Harrison Ford
Round 1: Fight! Harrison Ford took his bottle of Jack Daniels, slammed it and then shattered it on the ground of the ledge. He then ran over to Goblin #1 and sliced open his throat. The Goblin fell to the ground with blood pouring out of his throat. Unfortunately for the Treasure Troll, he was knocked over by his teammate and fell face first into the pool of blood that ran from the Goblin’s neck, drowning him in a pool of blood. Flawless Victory.
Round 2: Fight! Harrison Ford did the exact same thing as he did in the last round because neither of his opponents were smart enough to realize it. The only difference was that this time Harrison was able to finish off both of his opponents by pushing them off into the pit. Double Flawless!
Built Ford Tough is Victorious!
Consolation Match-Round 3: The Brotherhood of Evil Midgets Vs. The Syracuse Valley
The Brotherhood is Bill Kelley
The Syracuse Valley is Fire Bros. #1
Round 1: Fight! The Fire Brother began to shoot a constant stream of fireballs at the sider/roofer, which caught his clothes on fire. Bill rolled around on the ground but because of the constant attack from his opponent was unable to put it out. Eventually the fire consumed Bill and soon enough he was just a heaped of flesh lying on fire. Flawless victory.
Round 2: Fight! “What the shit was that” a very pissed off Bill Kelley said. The Fire Brother once again began to shot fire at the tough as nails Irishman but this time Bill was able to duck from the fire. While on the ground Bill looked at his tool belt around his waist and saw that he had his straight blade and a tape measure. As soon as he saw these tools he knew what he was going to do with them. The Fire Brother had stopped shooting fire, just like they do in the video game, which gave Bill the time he needed to get back onto his feet. Once on his feet again, Bill grabbed his tape measure out of his pouch and stretched it out to the neck of the Fire Brother. Once the tape measure was caught on the neck of the Fire Brother, Bill yelled out “Get over here” as he reeled the Fire Brother over to himself. Once he had the brother right in front of him he took out the straight blade from his pouch and sliced his neck open, which killed him. Bill waited to hear the flawless victory tag until he looked down at his boots and realized that they were both on fire. Making this a victory, just not a flawless one.
Round 3: Fight! “Well let’s end this now. That last one took way to long” Bill said as the match began. “In fact, let’s do this shit like they did it in the 80’s”. Bill then ran up to the brother and jumped on his head, which as you know kills him. FINISH HIM! Bill looked confused because the fire brother had already disappeared like they do in the video game, “Um, I think I already did”.
The Brotherhood of Evil Midgets is victorious!
The Syracuse Valley is Fire Bros. #1
Round 1: Fight! The Fire Brother began to shoot a constant stream of fireballs at the sider/roofer, which caught his clothes on fire. Bill rolled around on the ground but because of the constant attack from his opponent was unable to put it out. Eventually the fire consumed Bill and soon enough he was just a heaped of flesh lying on fire. Flawless victory.
Round 2: Fight! “What the shit was that” a very pissed off Bill Kelley said. The Fire Brother once again began to shot fire at the tough as nails Irishman but this time Bill was able to duck from the fire. While on the ground Bill looked at his tool belt around his waist and saw that he had his straight blade and a tape measure. As soon as he saw these tools he knew what he was going to do with them. The Fire Brother had stopped shooting fire, just like they do in the video game, which gave Bill the time he needed to get back onto his feet. Once on his feet again, Bill grabbed his tape measure out of his pouch and stretched it out to the neck of the Fire Brother. Once the tape measure was caught on the neck of the Fire Brother, Bill yelled out “Get over here” as he reeled the Fire Brother over to himself. Once he had the brother right in front of him he took out the straight blade from his pouch and sliced his neck open, which killed him. Bill waited to hear the flawless victory tag until he looked down at his boots and realized that they were both on fire. Making this a victory, just not a flawless one.
Round 3: Fight! “Well let’s end this now. That last one took way to long” Bill said as the match began. “In fact, let’s do this shit like they did it in the 80’s”. Bill then ran up to the brother and jumped on his head, which as you know kills him. FINISH HIM! Bill looked confused because the fire brother had already disappeared like they do in the video game, “Um, I think I already did”.
The Brotherhood of Evil Midgets is victorious!
Consolation Match-Round 3: Reign Supremacy Vs. The Horsemen of Apokolips
Reign Supremacy is Jared Pilkinton
The Horsemen are Julie Artrip
Round 1: Fight! The ninety-nine second timer starts while Julie and Jared are just standing there on the ledge above the pit. “I feel kind of weird standing up here with you. Are we really going to fight each other”? As Jared says this he is hit in the head with a pink cell phone and then is quickly kicked right in the balls by the vicious nurse. Jared looked up at Julie and said in between kicks to his Kidney, “O.K, I guess we are going to fight.” Jared was still lying on the ground while Julie was kicking him when she jumped over his body and crushed his head in with her foot. Flawless victory.
Round 2: Fight! “What the hell” a very angry Julie shouted, “I didn’t know this shit was a best of three.” Jared now looking at her with a smile on his face and revenge in his heart made his way over to the much smaller Julie Artrip. Julie made a quick kick towards his stomach but Jared backed away from it. She then tried to punch him in the face, but he easily caught her fist and threw it down. He then kicked her in the knee, which dropped her for a moment. He then gave her an upper cut to the chin that sent her flying through the air. He walked over to Julie was lying on the ground dazed and he put his hands around her neck. Julie tried her hardest to break free from Jared’s grip, but Jared continued to squeeze harder and harder until the nurse was no longer fighting him. As Julie finally died Jared let go of her neck and gave a worried look as he looked down at her hand, which was holding a scalpel in it. “Oh shit, I really hope she didn’t bring more of those”. Flawless Victory.
Round 3: Fight! “I can’t believe you chocked me to death. You know how much I hate that,” a very irate Julie said. “Oh yes, and you know how much I enjoy getting my head crushed in. Give me a break Julie. Let’s just get this thing over with.” Jared then walked towards Julie as she gave out a big scream and ran towards him as well. Jared’s plan was to knock the nurse down as she ran towards him, but before he was able to do anything she dropped to the ground and while he was running over top of her she jammed a scalpel into the inner part of his thigh. This naturally caused Jared to fall over in pain as he felt the scalpel dig deep into his leg. Julie got up quickly and started to kick Jared in the side, but this time Jared was not going to go quietly. As he was being wailed in the side by he sadistic nurse, he pulled the scalpel out of his leg and swept Julies feet out from underneath her. She fell to the ground and received a punch to the gut from Jared. She coughed up blood due to the hit but was still able to block Jared’s attempt at putting the scalpel into her gut, which surprised her much bigger opponent. Julie was then able to knock the scalpel out of his hands, but as she did this Jared got back onto his feet and said, “I think your going to need one of your tech’s to get out of this one”. Julie, who was now on her knees looked up at Jared and said, “For the last time, I do not need a god damn tech”. As she said this she pulled out another scalpel from her nurses gown and threw it into the gut of Jared Pilkinton. Jared looked down at his now bleeding stomach and before he even had time to pull the scalpel out, Julie had run over to him and sliced open his entire stomach, spilling his intestines all over the ledge. FINSH HIM! Julie answered the ominous voice with “It would be my pleasure”. She then pushed his body off of the ledge and watched as his corpse pierced the metal spikes. She gained much pleasure from seeing this sight, proving to herself that as a nurse she was able to take anything that came her way.
The Horsemen of Apokolips are victorious!
The Horsemen are Julie Artrip
Round 1: Fight! The ninety-nine second timer starts while Julie and Jared are just standing there on the ledge above the pit. “I feel kind of weird standing up here with you. Are we really going to fight each other”? As Jared says this he is hit in the head with a pink cell phone and then is quickly kicked right in the balls by the vicious nurse. Jared looked up at Julie and said in between kicks to his Kidney, “O.K, I guess we are going to fight.” Jared was still lying on the ground while Julie was kicking him when she jumped over his body and crushed his head in with her foot. Flawless victory.
Round 2: Fight! “What the hell” a very angry Julie shouted, “I didn’t know this shit was a best of three.” Jared now looking at her with a smile on his face and revenge in his heart made his way over to the much smaller Julie Artrip. Julie made a quick kick towards his stomach but Jared backed away from it. She then tried to punch him in the face, but he easily caught her fist and threw it down. He then kicked her in the knee, which dropped her for a moment. He then gave her an upper cut to the chin that sent her flying through the air. He walked over to Julie was lying on the ground dazed and he put his hands around her neck. Julie tried her hardest to break free from Jared’s grip, but Jared continued to squeeze harder and harder until the nurse was no longer fighting him. As Julie finally died Jared let go of her neck and gave a worried look as he looked down at her hand, which was holding a scalpel in it. “Oh shit, I really hope she didn’t bring more of those”. Flawless Victory.
Round 3: Fight! “I can’t believe you chocked me to death. You know how much I hate that,” a very irate Julie said. “Oh yes, and you know how much I enjoy getting my head crushed in. Give me a break Julie. Let’s just get this thing over with.” Jared then walked towards Julie as she gave out a big scream and ran towards him as well. Jared’s plan was to knock the nurse down as she ran towards him, but before he was able to do anything she dropped to the ground and while he was running over top of her she jammed a scalpel into the inner part of his thigh. This naturally caused Jared to fall over in pain as he felt the scalpel dig deep into his leg. Julie got up quickly and started to kick Jared in the side, but this time Jared was not going to go quietly. As he was being wailed in the side by he sadistic nurse, he pulled the scalpel out of his leg and swept Julies feet out from underneath her. She fell to the ground and received a punch to the gut from Jared. She coughed up blood due to the hit but was still able to block Jared’s attempt at putting the scalpel into her gut, which surprised her much bigger opponent. Julie was then able to knock the scalpel out of his hands, but as she did this Jared got back onto his feet and said, “I think your going to need one of your tech’s to get out of this one”. Julie, who was now on her knees looked up at Jared and said, “For the last time, I do not need a god damn tech”. As she said this she pulled out another scalpel from her nurses gown and threw it into the gut of Jared Pilkinton. Jared looked down at his now bleeding stomach and before he even had time to pull the scalpel out, Julie had run over to him and sliced open his entire stomach, spilling his intestines all over the ledge. FINSH HIM! Julie answered the ominous voice with “It would be my pleasure”. She then pushed his body off of the ledge and watched as his corpse pierced the metal spikes. She gained much pleasure from seeing this sight, proving to herself that as a nurse she was able to take anything that came her way.
The Horsemen of Apokolips are victorious!
Consolation Match Round 3: The Untouchables Vs. Hannah Montana & Barack Obama's "Best of Both Worlds" Touring Battalion of Commandos
Representing The Untouchables is Teresa Oblak
Representing the Commandos is Hannah Montana
Neither Teresa nor Hannah is very comfortable on the narrow ledge over the pit as they begin to walk near each other. As they get closer and closer Hannah says in a bubbly voice "Hey You, nice to finally meet you in person". She then directs a big smile toward the person that she is about to attempt to send to a brutal death on the pit's huge spikes. Teresa replies to the Southern charm with a small smirk not unlike the one that her sister Amy gives to Ryan after he has had about 9 Beers and starts dancing on a random couch. Teresa starts to feel very nervous walking on the ledge and starts to get down low on her knees. Hannah starts to rush her to take advantage of her apparent fear of heights when the new "dirtiest player in the game" Teresa Oblak pulls a small test tube out of her jeans pocket and throws it at Miley. On impact the small test tube which contained a green bubbly liquid causes a small explosion. The explosion does not cause any real harm but it does serve to distract the multi-talented star for a split second. In that time Teresa jumps up from her crouching position and runs over to Hannah Montana, she then crouches down and hears a mysterious voice out of nowhere yell "Finish Her" (The words also appear above her in scary red lettering). Teresa then lands an uppercut on Country Music's favorite daughter and sends her sailing off of the ledge to her death on the spikes below.
THE UNTOUCHABLES ARE VICTORIOUS!
Representing the Commandos is Hannah Montana
Neither Teresa nor Hannah is very comfortable on the narrow ledge over the pit as they begin to walk near each other. As they get closer and closer Hannah says in a bubbly voice "Hey You, nice to finally meet you in person". She then directs a big smile toward the person that she is about to attempt to send to a brutal death on the pit's huge spikes. Teresa replies to the Southern charm with a small smirk not unlike the one that her sister Amy gives to Ryan after he has had about 9 Beers and starts dancing on a random couch. Teresa starts to feel very nervous walking on the ledge and starts to get down low on her knees. Hannah starts to rush her to take advantage of her apparent fear of heights when the new "dirtiest player in the game" Teresa Oblak pulls a small test tube out of her jeans pocket and throws it at Miley. On impact the small test tube which contained a green bubbly liquid causes a small explosion. The explosion does not cause any real harm but it does serve to distract the multi-talented star for a split second. In that time Teresa jumps up from her crouching position and runs over to Hannah Montana, she then crouches down and hears a mysterious voice out of nowhere yell "Finish Her" (The words also appear above her in scary red lettering). Teresa then lands an uppercut on Country Music's favorite daughter and sends her sailing off of the ledge to her death on the spikes below.
THE UNTOUCHABLES ARE VICTORIOUS!
Saturday, June 7, 2008
Friday, June 6, 2008
2008 FFL ALL STAR GAME
Date: Whenever the FFL BBQ FINALLY takes place
Location: Rock Financial Showplace, during the Motor City Comic Con
AMERICAN LEAGUE
Head Coach: Michael Corleone (AWT)
Superman (TEAM)
Darth Vader (B3)
Wolverine (B3)
Achilles (HoA)
Supergirl (HoA)
Mace Windu (Out)
Captain America (RS)
Darkseid (HoA)
Neo (TEAM)
Deadpool (Untouch)
Megatron (Untouch)
Phoenix: Rachel Summers (Fred)
Mimic (Fred)
Godzilla (TEAM)
Galactus (Out)
Dr. Polaris (Untouch)
Legolas (Untouch)
Doomsday (B3)
Iron Man (RS)
Carlos Olivera (AWT) *cannot compete, due to death*
Extinction Alice (AWT) *replacing the late Carlos Olivera*
NATIONAL LEAGUE
Head Coach: Napoleon Bonaparte (LNB)
Silver Surfer (RW)
Obi Wan Kenobi (LNB)
Yoda (GWS)
Gandalf (LNB)
Optimus Prime (GWS)
Hal Jordan (BTAoY)
Thor (GWS)
Darth Maul (SV)
Qui Gon Jinn (HMaBOBoBWTBoC)
Poseidon (RW)
Emperor Palpatine (LNB)
Dave Bowman: The Starchild (HMaBOBoBWTBoC)
Batgirl (BSFM)
Paul Atreides (LoD)
John McClane (LNB)
Martian Manhunter (GWS)
Nightcrawler (SV)
Cloverfield Monster (HMaBOBoBWTBoC)
Nick Houslander (RW)
Ron Popeil (BSFM)
Wednesday, June 4, 2008
Consolation Match-Round 2: The Brotherhood of Evil Midgets Vs. The Untouchables
The Brotherhood is Meriadoc Brandybuck & Wicket the Ewok
The Untouchables are Horatio Caine & Dozer #11-14
“Horatio, Horatio, where are we going today. Horatio, Horatio, won’t you come and play” is what Merry is singing to Horatio Caine as he is getting into the mini-bus. Horatio is obviously annoyed by the small hobbit, but he tries to ignore him as much as he can. Horatio is naturally driving the bus, as he is the only being in this match that can actually reach the pedals and see over the steering wheel at the same time.
As soon as everybody has entered the bus, the doors lock and the glove box opens up. Merry, who is in the front seat grabs the piece of paper and begins to read it aloud.
The doors have been locked in the bus, so good luck trying to escape. Also, the windows have been fitted with bulletproof glass, which should prevent Horatio from getting out of this thing alive. The most important thing that we should tell you about is the fact that an odorless gas has been emitted into the air. It should take less than two minutes to kill all but one of you off. Once this occurs, the doors will be opened and the match will be over with. Sorry about being short with this one, but the other bus matches just took to much time. Good luck to everybody on board.
-FFL
Wicket instantly takes his spear and throws it Horatio Caine’s right hand, knocking the gun out of it. Horatio screams in pain, as the spear is now stuck in his hand. “It looks like I now longer have the upper hand, especially since I can’t even move mine right now.” Horatio then gets a firm grip of the spear and pulls it out of his hand. He winces in pain and then quickly fires it back at the now dead Ewok. Merry is naturally bummed out by this chain of events, as he was hoping for a nice leisurely trip in the bus today.
“I guess now it is my turn Mr. Caine.” Merry walks over to the Dozers and starts to step on them. He kills Dozers 11-13, but right as he is trying to step on Dozer #14, he is clubbed in the back of the head by Horatio Caine’s gun.
The hobbit is knocked unconscious, which considering the fact that he only has mere seconds to live anyways, is not looking to be a very good thing on his part. It has been two minutes since they read the letter and now Horatio is starting to lose control of his reflexes as he falls to the ground. He tries to reach out for his gun but it is too late. The toxin in the air has taken its full effect on the Miami detective, who finally takes his last breathe. Merry wakes up for a couple of seconds before the same toxin that ended Horatio’s life, takes his as well. In those few seconds though, Merry is able to see Dozer #14 still walking around, obviously small enough for the toxin to not reach him yet.
As soon as the hobbit takes his final breathe, all of the doors open on the vehicle. The small Dozer is pleased with this outcome as he carefully makes his way out of the mini-bus and back to The Untouchables headquarters. He thinks to himself that it is fitting that the shortest match of the week also awards the smallest player in the game.
The Untouchables are Victorious!
The Untouchables are Horatio Caine & Dozer #11-14
“Horatio, Horatio, where are we going today. Horatio, Horatio, won’t you come and play” is what Merry is singing to Horatio Caine as he is getting into the mini-bus. Horatio is obviously annoyed by the small hobbit, but he tries to ignore him as much as he can. Horatio is naturally driving the bus, as he is the only being in this match that can actually reach the pedals and see over the steering wheel at the same time.
As soon as everybody has entered the bus, the doors lock and the glove box opens up. Merry, who is in the front seat grabs the piece of paper and begins to read it aloud.
The doors have been locked in the bus, so good luck trying to escape. Also, the windows have been fitted with bulletproof glass, which should prevent Horatio from getting out of this thing alive. The most important thing that we should tell you about is the fact that an odorless gas has been emitted into the air. It should take less than two minutes to kill all but one of you off. Once this occurs, the doors will be opened and the match will be over with. Sorry about being short with this one, but the other bus matches just took to much time. Good luck to everybody on board.
-FFL
Wicket instantly takes his spear and throws it Horatio Caine’s right hand, knocking the gun out of it. Horatio screams in pain, as the spear is now stuck in his hand. “It looks like I now longer have the upper hand, especially since I can’t even move mine right now.” Horatio then gets a firm grip of the spear and pulls it out of his hand. He winces in pain and then quickly fires it back at the now dead Ewok. Merry is naturally bummed out by this chain of events, as he was hoping for a nice leisurely trip in the bus today.
“I guess now it is my turn Mr. Caine.” Merry walks over to the Dozers and starts to step on them. He kills Dozers 11-13, but right as he is trying to step on Dozer #14, he is clubbed in the back of the head by Horatio Caine’s gun.
The hobbit is knocked unconscious, which considering the fact that he only has mere seconds to live anyways, is not looking to be a very good thing on his part. It has been two minutes since they read the letter and now Horatio is starting to lose control of his reflexes as he falls to the ground. He tries to reach out for his gun but it is too late. The toxin in the air has taken its full effect on the Miami detective, who finally takes his last breathe. Merry wakes up for a couple of seconds before the same toxin that ended Horatio’s life, takes his as well. In those few seconds though, Merry is able to see Dozer #14 still walking around, obviously small enough for the toxin to not reach him yet.
As soon as the hobbit takes his final breathe, all of the doors open on the vehicle. The small Dozer is pleased with this outcome as he carefully makes his way out of the mini-bus and back to The Untouchables headquarters. He thinks to himself that it is fitting that the shortest match of the week also awards the smallest player in the game.
The Untouchables are Victorious!
BREAKING NEWS: Horsemen of Apokolips fire Vandal Savage
NOVI, Mich. (AP)—Horsemen of Apokolips fired Vandal Savage and put their players on notice, marking the beginning of what could be a busy offseason.
President of fantasy operations Ryan Poteracki also publicly put his entire lineup on the trading block, less than a week after the Horsemen lost in the American League finals to TEAM.
“I’m not going to sit here and make Vandal the scapegoat,” Poteracki said Tuesday. “Everybody is in play.”
“There are no sacred cows here,” Poteracki said. “You lose that sacred-cow status when you lose to TEAM twice in one year. I’m sorry, but there is just no excuse for that.”
Poteracki then followed with, “Vandal will stay part of the Horsemen organization, but in what capacity is still uncertain.”
Under Savage, the Horsemen went 8-2 in the regular season, including handing Beckerman’s Backyardigans Beeyaatches their only regular season loss. However defeats in Week One to TEAM and another in the American League Finals were too much to be ignored.
“Savage and the Horsemen at a whole made several mistakes in the A.L. Finals against TEAM. Tripticon, the Stunticons, the Dinobots, and most of the Myrmidons were all benched in this pivotal battle. Achilles and Supergirl, though killing major members of TEAM, both made mistakes that cost them their lives, and maybe the match,” said a frustrated Poteracki.
Now speculation is starting to swirl throughout the league as to who else is next on Poteracki’s hit list.
Scarlet Witch seems to be the player most likely to be dealt because of her one-year contract, inconsistent play and powerful personality that lifts her teammates and drags them down depending on her mood.
Poteracki finished his press conference with this statement, “Everyone on the Horsemen of Apokolips knows their role on the team, and I will show them EXACTLY what this means in the upcoming offseason.”
President of fantasy operations Ryan Poteracki also publicly put his entire lineup on the trading block, less than a week after the Horsemen lost in the American League finals to TEAM.
“I’m not going to sit here and make Vandal the scapegoat,” Poteracki said Tuesday. “Everybody is in play.”
“There are no sacred cows here,” Poteracki said. “You lose that sacred-cow status when you lose to TEAM twice in one year. I’m sorry, but there is just no excuse for that.”
Poteracki then followed with, “Vandal will stay part of the Horsemen organization, but in what capacity is still uncertain.”
Under Savage, the Horsemen went 8-2 in the regular season, including handing Beckerman’s Backyardigans Beeyaatches their only regular season loss. However defeats in Week One to TEAM and another in the American League Finals were too much to be ignored.
“Savage and the Horsemen at a whole made several mistakes in the A.L. Finals against TEAM. Tripticon, the Stunticons, the Dinobots, and most of the Myrmidons were all benched in this pivotal battle. Achilles and Supergirl, though killing major members of TEAM, both made mistakes that cost them their lives, and maybe the match,” said a frustrated Poteracki.
Now speculation is starting to swirl throughout the league as to who else is next on Poteracki’s hit list.
Scarlet Witch seems to be the player most likely to be dealt because of her one-year contract, inconsistent play and powerful personality that lifts her teammates and drags them down depending on her mood.
Poteracki finished his press conference with this statement, “Everyone on the Horsemen of Apokolips knows their role on the team, and I will show them EXACTLY what this means in the upcoming offseason.”
Consolation Match-Round 2: Built Ford Tough Vs. The Right Wing
Built Ford Tough is Harrison Ford & Barry Sanders
The Right Wing is Nick Houslander, Bear, Scrappy-Doo, & Smurf #3.
“Oh my god, it’s Harrison Ford. Bear check it out, we are in the same bus as Indiana Jones, Jack Ryan, I mean it’s Han Solo for god’s sake”.
“Wa Wa, I can’t believe that we are in the presence of such greatness.”
“I’ll tell you what Bear, I can now die a happy man.” Just as Nick says this, Harrison Ford ask’s Nick if he can check out his double barrel shotgun that he has with him.
“Of course you can Mr. Ford, you can do whatever you want with it.”
“Is that right kid, anything I want with it huh. Well, I’m glad you just said that, because now I won’t feel bad about this.” Mr. Ford, who was only abiding by Nick’s wishes, shoots Nick right in between the eyes.
This naturally anger’s the remainder of The Right Wing’s team, who is now charging the loaded gun of Mr. Ford and the retired Detroit Lion. Barry Sanders who is driving the car has naturally not said a word during this entire ordeal; in fact he actually has his father on a two way Nextel phone, just in case Barry needs to say something.
Scrappy-Doo runs up to Harrison and kicks him right in the shin. This really pisses of Mr. Ford, who then quickly kicks the annoying dog right in the head, breaking his neck. Smurf #3, now fearing for his life hides himself in the very back of the bus away from everyone else.
Bear is now furious and goes into a rage. “How dare you kill by best friend. It is time for you to pay the price Mr. Ford. Oh and by the way, your new Indy movie sucked balls”. (Side note: I actually thought the new Indy movie was sweet, but I figured in a moment of rage, stuffed animals, just like people say things they don’t mean.) As Bear finishes off his ill, he goes into a super Bircle run and hits the aging movie star through the front window of the bus. Harrison is now lying on the hood of the mini-bus, which is of course not very big.
“Hey dad, Harrison is in big trouble, what should I do?” Barry says into the cellular phone. “Barry are you an idiot, just slow the van down and help him get back in.”
Barry begins to listen to his father, but before he is able to slow the bus down he sees Bear climbing outside onto the hood, trying to help Mr. Ford get back into the bus. You see, when Bear gives someone a super Bircle, he instantly has the utmost respect for that person. This unfortunately even goes for people who have just killed his best friend. Now that Bear is on the hood of the car, Barry is again confused on what to do.
“Dad, now Bear is on the hood. I don’t want Harrison to die but I also don’t want to save Bear’s life. I don’t know what to do”.
“Damn son, you might have been the second best running back of all time, but you are the dumbest son of a gun that I have ever met. Regardless though, just start driving crazy and knock both of them off of the bus. All that matters is that you win.” Barry listens to his father and begins to drive erratically down the road, which sends Bear tumbling off of the hood of the mini-bus. Harrison then slides down the front of the bus in an attempt to save the poor stuffed Bear. He is too late as Bear touches the ground and instantly dies.
It had always been rumored that the only thing that could kill a Bear of his species was a fall from a moving vehicle. It looks like this rumor was true, because now the only member of The Right Wing’s team that was still alive was Smurf #3. Barry Sanders was thrilled that his crazy maneuvers behind the wheel had worked. He was telling his father all about it, bragging to him about how he is the best driver in the world. “Second best maybe Barry”, Harrison Ford says as he kicks in the driver’s side window of the bus, knocking Barry Sanders out of his seat and onto the ground.
“What the hell was that for Harrison. All we have to do now is kill that stupid little Smurf and we got this thing.”
“That was a bad thing you did back there by killing that Bear. He was trying to save my life and you made him pay for it with his own.”
“So what you washed up has-been, as long as you win who cares what happens.” Says Mr. Sanders from the Nextel on the dashboard.
“Well, as a matter of fact Mr. Sanders, I care.” Harrison then picked up the phone and threw it out of the window. Barry in horror quickly followed the phone out of the back door of the bus. He took a pretty hard hit as he hit the ground but instantly got back up and retrieved the phone from the ground. “Dad, Dad, are you still there. Don’t worry, I got out of the bus to find you.”
“You got out of the bus to find me, this is a @#%#ing cell phone Barry. It’s not like he threw me out of the bus.”
“Well anyways, what should I do now?"
“How about you turn the phone off.”
“But then I won’t be able to talk to you anymore”.
“Exactly”. Barry’s dad then hung up the phone while Barry stood there in confusion over what he should do next.
Harrison looked back and thought about picking up the former #20, but decided against it. It was right then that the bus started to slow down. This as he knew was the signal that the match had ended, but as Mr. Ford knew, there was still one member of The Right Wing alive somewhere. He looked around the bus and searched it inside and out. Then out of the corner of his eye he saw something blue lying on the ground behind him. He walked the several hundred feet that it took him to get to the blue object and when he finally reached it he realized that it was Smurf #3, lying down on the ground and very hurt.
Harrison knelt down and asked the little guy if he was all right. He replied with a very faint “No” and explained that when Barry Sanders had opened the back door of the bus, he had been leaning on it, which made him fall out of the back. The Smurf was very injured and was not going to make it much past the next hour.
“Would you please just kill me Mr. Ford. It truly would be an honor to die by a man of your stature.”
Harrison obliged the poor smurf but also found it quite disturbing that so many people not only did not mind dying by his hand, but actually looked forward to it. He thought long and hard about this as he made the long walk back to Barry Sanders, who was just sitting in the middle of road waiting for someone to tell him what to do.
Built Ford Tough is Victorious!
The Right Wing is Nick Houslander, Bear, Scrappy-Doo, & Smurf #3.
“Oh my god, it’s Harrison Ford. Bear check it out, we are in the same bus as Indiana Jones, Jack Ryan, I mean it’s Han Solo for god’s sake”.
“Wa Wa, I can’t believe that we are in the presence of such greatness.”
“I’ll tell you what Bear, I can now die a happy man.” Just as Nick says this, Harrison Ford ask’s Nick if he can check out his double barrel shotgun that he has with him.
“Of course you can Mr. Ford, you can do whatever you want with it.”
“Is that right kid, anything I want with it huh. Well, I’m glad you just said that, because now I won’t feel bad about this.” Mr. Ford, who was only abiding by Nick’s wishes, shoots Nick right in between the eyes.
This naturally anger’s the remainder of The Right Wing’s team, who is now charging the loaded gun of Mr. Ford and the retired Detroit Lion. Barry Sanders who is driving the car has naturally not said a word during this entire ordeal; in fact he actually has his father on a two way Nextel phone, just in case Barry needs to say something.
Scrappy-Doo runs up to Harrison and kicks him right in the shin. This really pisses of Mr. Ford, who then quickly kicks the annoying dog right in the head, breaking his neck. Smurf #3, now fearing for his life hides himself in the very back of the bus away from everyone else.
Bear is now furious and goes into a rage. “How dare you kill by best friend. It is time for you to pay the price Mr. Ford. Oh and by the way, your new Indy movie sucked balls”. (Side note: I actually thought the new Indy movie was sweet, but I figured in a moment of rage, stuffed animals, just like people say things they don’t mean.) As Bear finishes off his ill, he goes into a super Bircle run and hits the aging movie star through the front window of the bus. Harrison is now lying on the hood of the mini-bus, which is of course not very big.
“Hey dad, Harrison is in big trouble, what should I do?” Barry says into the cellular phone. “Barry are you an idiot, just slow the van down and help him get back in.”
Barry begins to listen to his father, but before he is able to slow the bus down he sees Bear climbing outside onto the hood, trying to help Mr. Ford get back into the bus. You see, when Bear gives someone a super Bircle, he instantly has the utmost respect for that person. This unfortunately even goes for people who have just killed his best friend. Now that Bear is on the hood of the car, Barry is again confused on what to do.
“Dad, now Bear is on the hood. I don’t want Harrison to die but I also don’t want to save Bear’s life. I don’t know what to do”.
“Damn son, you might have been the second best running back of all time, but you are the dumbest son of a gun that I have ever met. Regardless though, just start driving crazy and knock both of them off of the bus. All that matters is that you win.” Barry listens to his father and begins to drive erratically down the road, which sends Bear tumbling off of the hood of the mini-bus. Harrison then slides down the front of the bus in an attempt to save the poor stuffed Bear. He is too late as Bear touches the ground and instantly dies.
It had always been rumored that the only thing that could kill a Bear of his species was a fall from a moving vehicle. It looks like this rumor was true, because now the only member of The Right Wing’s team that was still alive was Smurf #3. Barry Sanders was thrilled that his crazy maneuvers behind the wheel had worked. He was telling his father all about it, bragging to him about how he is the best driver in the world. “Second best maybe Barry”, Harrison Ford says as he kicks in the driver’s side window of the bus, knocking Barry Sanders out of his seat and onto the ground.
“What the hell was that for Harrison. All we have to do now is kill that stupid little Smurf and we got this thing.”
“That was a bad thing you did back there by killing that Bear. He was trying to save my life and you made him pay for it with his own.”
“So what you washed up has-been, as long as you win who cares what happens.” Says Mr. Sanders from the Nextel on the dashboard.
“Well, as a matter of fact Mr. Sanders, I care.” Harrison then picked up the phone and threw it out of the window. Barry in horror quickly followed the phone out of the back door of the bus. He took a pretty hard hit as he hit the ground but instantly got back up and retrieved the phone from the ground. “Dad, Dad, are you still there. Don’t worry, I got out of the bus to find you.”
“You got out of the bus to find me, this is a @#%#ing cell phone Barry. It’s not like he threw me out of the bus.”
“Well anyways, what should I do now?"
“How about you turn the phone off.”
“But then I won’t be able to talk to you anymore”.
“Exactly”. Barry’s dad then hung up the phone while Barry stood there in confusion over what he should do next.
Harrison looked back and thought about picking up the former #20, but decided against it. It was right then that the bus started to slow down. This as he knew was the signal that the match had ended, but as Mr. Ford knew, there was still one member of The Right Wing alive somewhere. He looked around the bus and searched it inside and out. Then out of the corner of his eye he saw something blue lying on the ground behind him. He walked the several hundred feet that it took him to get to the blue object and when he finally reached it he realized that it was Smurf #3, lying down on the ground and very hurt.
Harrison knelt down and asked the little guy if he was all right. He replied with a very faint “No” and explained that when Barry Sanders had opened the back door of the bus, he had been leaning on it, which made him fall out of the back. The Smurf was very injured and was not going to make it much past the next hour.
“Would you please just kill me Mr. Ford. It truly would be an honor to die by a man of your stature.”
Harrison obliged the poor smurf but also found it quite disturbing that so many people not only did not mind dying by his hand, but actually looked forward to it. He thought long and hard about this as he made the long walk back to Barry Sanders, who was just sitting in the middle of road waiting for someone to tell him what to do.
Built Ford Tough is Victorious!
Tuesday, June 3, 2008
Consolation Match-Round 2: Alice's Wonder Team Vs. Better Than All of You
Alice's Wonder Team is Kimbo Slice
Better Than All of You is Ric Flair
“We should do this more often man, this has been great” a very delighted Rick Flair said to the rough, but sensitive Kimbo Slice. “I know man, I know I should want to kill you right now, but I just don’t feel the need to resort to violence at this time” Kimbo said to Flair.
“I know what you mean man. We’ve been in this bus for hours now and I still do not want you dead”.
“Hey, has anyone ever told you that you look like the dude from 48 hours?”
“You mean Nick Nolte? Yes, I get it all the time. You know what is funny though?
“What Rick?”
“Is the fact that you look like Nick Nolte as well. The funny part is that you look like him from that mug shot photo.”
Both of the fighters laugh out loud and keep on carrying on like the oldest of friends.
“Hey Rick, I have an idea, let’s just both concede the match and take a draw”.
“You know what Kimbo, that is a great idea. In fact, let’s just do it”.
Just then the glove box opened up and a piece of paper flew out of it. The paper reads as follows:
Hey Rick and Kimbo, it sounds like you’ve been enjoying your ride a little too much so far. We heard about your idea of making this match a draw and after very little consideration, we’ve decided to make a draw impossible. To make sure that this draw does not occur, we have taken over control of the bus, locked all the doors and in approximately 5 minutes you will smash into a brick wall. We know that this sounds like suicide for the both of you, but we are fairly confidant that one of you will come out unharmed. Anyways, I hope you both enjoy the remainder of your trip. Good luck to the victor.
-Josh and Ryan.
Both Kimbo and Flair looked very disappointed by this letter, as they did not want to fight each other.
“Well this is a bummer, I really didn’t want this to end bloody”.
“Either did I Rick, I really hate it that Fantasy Fantasy League always has to resort to violence. I wish that it was more about the mind of the members instead of just the physical aspect of them.”
“I couldn’t agree more Kimbo. In fact, we should just both crash into this wall together and just leave it at that.”
“You know what Rick, I’m with you. I mean, they put air bags in this thing so we should both survive the crash.’
“You’re right Kimbo, alright, let’s do this.”
Rick and Kimbo both buckle their seat belts and brace themselves for the crash that is coming up very soon.
“Kimbo, I think I can see the wall now. I would just like to say that I had a really great time today. We should do lunch sometime.”
“Absolutely Rick, in fact I can’t wait for it.”
As the mini-bus raced towards the brick wall, Rick looked at the dash in front of him and noticed something that had a key slot on it. He read it more closely and it noticed it said, “Passenger Air Bag Shut-Off Switch”. Rick thought to himself about whether or not he should turn it off and let Kimbo die but he just couldn’t do it.
“Well, I’ll see you around sometime Rick” Kimbo said to the retired wrestler.
“Yeah you will, though I have a feeling you are not going to be too happy to see me”
Just as Flair says this he stick the bus key into the Air Bag Shut-Off Switch, disabling Kimbo Slices air bag from turning on. Kimbo takes a look at this and gives the former heavy weight champion a look of fury. The look didn’t last very long as the mini-bus crashed into the brick wall. Kimbo Slice smashed his head on the dashboard, which broke his neck in the process. Flair was knocked out by the collision and both of his legs were broken, but after a couple of minutes he woke up and looked over at his short-lived friend.
“Well Kimbo, I guess that is what you get for trusting one of Vince’s boys. I’ll see you on the other side.”
Flair then crawled out of the bus and crawled his way back to his teams’ headquarters. It was be a long trip home, but a very satisfying one at least.
Better Than All of You is Victorious!
Better Than All of You is Ric Flair
“We should do this more often man, this has been great” a very delighted Rick Flair said to the rough, but sensitive Kimbo Slice. “I know man, I know I should want to kill you right now, but I just don’t feel the need to resort to violence at this time” Kimbo said to Flair.
“I know what you mean man. We’ve been in this bus for hours now and I still do not want you dead”.
“Hey, has anyone ever told you that you look like the dude from 48 hours?”
“You mean Nick Nolte? Yes, I get it all the time. You know what is funny though?
“What Rick?”
“Is the fact that you look like Nick Nolte as well. The funny part is that you look like him from that mug shot photo.”
Both of the fighters laugh out loud and keep on carrying on like the oldest of friends.
“Hey Rick, I have an idea, let’s just both concede the match and take a draw”.
“You know what Kimbo, that is a great idea. In fact, let’s just do it”.
Just then the glove box opened up and a piece of paper flew out of it. The paper reads as follows:
Hey Rick and Kimbo, it sounds like you’ve been enjoying your ride a little too much so far. We heard about your idea of making this match a draw and after very little consideration, we’ve decided to make a draw impossible. To make sure that this draw does not occur, we have taken over control of the bus, locked all the doors and in approximately 5 minutes you will smash into a brick wall. We know that this sounds like suicide for the both of you, but we are fairly confidant that one of you will come out unharmed. Anyways, I hope you both enjoy the remainder of your trip. Good luck to the victor.
-Josh and Ryan.
Both Kimbo and Flair looked very disappointed by this letter, as they did not want to fight each other.
“Well this is a bummer, I really didn’t want this to end bloody”.
“Either did I Rick, I really hate it that Fantasy Fantasy League always has to resort to violence. I wish that it was more about the mind of the members instead of just the physical aspect of them.”
“I couldn’t agree more Kimbo. In fact, we should just both crash into this wall together and just leave it at that.”
“You know what Rick, I’m with you. I mean, they put air bags in this thing so we should both survive the crash.’
“You’re right Kimbo, alright, let’s do this.”
Rick and Kimbo both buckle their seat belts and brace themselves for the crash that is coming up very soon.
“Kimbo, I think I can see the wall now. I would just like to say that I had a really great time today. We should do lunch sometime.”
“Absolutely Rick, in fact I can’t wait for it.”
As the mini-bus raced towards the brick wall, Rick looked at the dash in front of him and noticed something that had a key slot on it. He read it more closely and it noticed it said, “Passenger Air Bag Shut-Off Switch”. Rick thought to himself about whether or not he should turn it off and let Kimbo die but he just couldn’t do it.
“Well, I’ll see you around sometime Rick” Kimbo said to the retired wrestler.
“Yeah you will, though I have a feeling you are not going to be too happy to see me”
Just as Flair says this he stick the bus key into the Air Bag Shut-Off Switch, disabling Kimbo Slices air bag from turning on. Kimbo takes a look at this and gives the former heavy weight champion a look of fury. The look didn’t last very long as the mini-bus crashed into the brick wall. Kimbo Slice smashed his head on the dashboard, which broke his neck in the process. Flair was knocked out by the collision and both of his legs were broken, but after a couple of minutes he woke up and looked over at his short-lived friend.
“Well Kimbo, I guess that is what you get for trusting one of Vince’s boys. I’ll see you on the other side.”
Flair then crawled out of the bus and crawled his way back to his teams’ headquarters. It was be a long trip home, but a very satisfying one at least.
Better Than All of You is Victorious!
Sunday, June 1, 2008
Consolation Match-Round 2: Reign Supremacy Vs. Brock Sampson's Fighting Murderflies
Reign Supremacy is Paul Coffey, Ewok #49, & Ewok #51.
Brock's boys are Mystery Inc: Fred, Daphne, Velma, Shaggy, & Scooby-Doo, w/ Scooby-Dumb, & Ewok #5.
In the most monotone voice you have ever heard, Paul Coffey continues to drive his point home to Fred, that he should be the one to drive the van. He explains to Fred that since he owns many car dealerships in Canada, that it is only natural that he be the one to drive the 68’ Volkswagen Mini-Bus. Fred of course being the pilot of the Mystery Van thinks otherwise. “Come on Fred, just sit in the back with me and Scoob. I mean, like who cares who drives this thing. As long as I can have my marshmallow and bbq sandwich, I don’t care who drives” a very laid back Shaggy says to Fred.
After another couple of minutes of arguing, Fred finally concedes the point to the four time Stanley Cup winner. The seating arraignment in the van is quite cramped, as there are a total of ten people in this contest. Paul Coffey and Fred are in the front two seats while Daphne and Velma are stuck in the back with Shaggy, both Scooby’s and the three Ewoks who have instantly forgotten that they are on opposite teams.
As soon as the van takes off Scooby and Shaggy take out a glass bong that has been molded into the shape of Scooby’s annoying cousin, Scrappy Doo. They light the bong up and soon enough they begin blowing the smoke into the faces of the Ewoks. The Ewoks, who up until this point had been jumping up and down in the back of the van, were now lying down on the floor, staring up at the ceiling.
The two up at the front of the van were having a very uninteresting conversation about hockey, since that is all Paul Coffey knows about. All of a sudden though, Paul Coffey lets go of the stirring wheel. Fred looks at him like he crazy, but then he looks at the wheel and notices that it is still steering. Just as this happens the glove box opens up and out drops a white piece of paper. Paul Coffey looks down at the letter and looks at Fred in the most boring manner possible and says, “What is it?” Fred picks up the letter and reads it to Coffey, who is hoping was is the latest sales reports for the first quarter from his dealership. The letter read as follows:
Hello folks, I am sure by now that you realize that this van is no longer being controlled by anyone of you. From here on out, it will be driven by us. If that is too vague for you, we are sorry, we’re not explaining anymore about the logistics of how this van can control itself. Anyways, we would just like to tell you that the object of this trip is have all but one of you die. Yes, you are going to have to kill each other. That also goes for people on the same team. The match will not end until there is one person left. Good luck to all of you and have a nice trip. Oh, by the way, the weed that is being smoked right now has been laced with special chemicals that have some pretty nasty side effects. Two of which being rage and death. Again, Good luck to all and have a very safe trip.
-FFL
“Huh” says an emotionless Paul Coffey. “I guess this means we are going to have to kill each other. Should we tell everyone else about this?” Fred looks over at Coffey and gives him a look that suggests he should not utter a word of this. “We need to keep this secret, we are going to cause a panic if people hear something like this” a very disturbed Fred says to Coffey.
“I don’t know if that will cause a panic Fred, though I’m pretty positive that this will”. Just as Coffey says this to Fred, he jam’s a sharpened down mini hockey stick into the neck of the ascot wearing Fred. Fred begins to violently jerk around in his seat while blood is gushing out of the side of his neck. Fred instinctively gets out of his seat and falls onto Velma who is screaming while blood is pouring over her entire body. “Why the hell did you do that Mr. Coffey? I can’t believe that you killed Fred” Daphne says in a rather unfazed tone. “Though now that the front seat is open, I might as well join you up there.” Daphne gets up and moves into the seat where her former lover was sitting.
When she gets into the seat she sees the piece of paper and says, “What’s this? Ooh, it’s a letter. I wonder if it mentions me in it?” She reads over the letter and looks back at Velma, who has finally pushed the now dead body of Fred off to the side and says, “Velma, I don’t need your help or anything, but if you could read this letter for me and explain it to me I don’t think I will be confused anymore.” Velma first looks at her with disgust and then snatches the letter from her hand and reads it over. “If this letter is correct then we are all going to have to kill each other and Shaggy, Scoobs and the Ewoks are all going to go into some sort of Bezerker rage in the next coming moments.”
Daphne still looks at Velma with a confused look on her face and says, “I still don’t understand, what does it mean? Velma looks at the very good-looking red head and says, “It means I finally get to kill you, you dumb red headed bitch.” As soon as she finishes saying this to Daphne, she grabs the Scrappy Doo bong that Shaggy was smoking out of, breaks it on the ground and with one of the pieces of glass from it, slices the throat of the extremely stupid Daphne. In fact, she sliced her throat and then repeatedly stabbed her in the stomach until Shaggy grabbed her hand and pulled her away from the very dead Daphne.
“Like what did you do that for? Daphne didn’t do anything wrong.” Exclaimed Shaggy.
“Oh like she didn’t have that coming. But listen to me Shaggy very closely. Somebody messed with your stash. You smoked some bad stuff a while ago and very soon you are going to lose your mind and very possibly die. So you need to concentrate really hard and try to stay with me. If you don’t we are all going to die". As soon she says this, an Ewok runs up to her and sticks his wooden spear into the shin of Velma, who lets out a shriek that can be heard through out the fantasy fantasy landscape. She falls to the ground and passes out.
Paul Coffey who has remained in the drivers seat has managed to stay out of this match, despite the fact that he is the one who started it. Things were about to change though as the effects of the weed were about to completely take over the rest of the van’s passengers. Suddenly, all of the Ewoks, who were now all naked as they had taken all of their clothes off, started to lose their minds. They all started chanting unreckagnizable words at the top of their lungs. Scooby himself also started to foam at the mouth and lunged himself at one of the Ewoks. Scooby then began to violently tear apart the Ewok, who was not lucid enough to even react to the crazed dog. Scooby then began to eat the dead body of the Ewok, spraying blood everywhere in the van. “Well that’s what I call a Scooby Snack,” a still coherent Shaggy said.
Scooby then looked over at his cousin Scooby dumb and bit him in the neck. Scooby dumb then fell to the ground. Out of nowhere an Ewok threw one of his spears at Scooby Doo but he missed, smashing the back window out of the mini-bus. Then Scooby picked up Scooby Dumb by the scruff of his dead neck and threw him out of the moving bus. Scooby Dumb’s dead body fell out of the bus and hit the ground, splattering blood all over the pavement. The sight was enough to make even the most avid animal hater to cringed in horror.
Then out of nowhere Shaggy was hit in the back of the head with the butt end of Paul Coffey’s sharpened hockey stick. As soon as Shaggy fell to the ground, another one of the crazed Ewok’s ran over to Shaggy’s head and started to stab it with his spear. Shaggy was close to death when Scooby noticed this happening to his best friend. Scooby, though crazed, still knew who Shaggy was and went over to help him by literally biting the head of the Ewok off. Scooby then fell to the ground and dropped the head of the Ewok onto the ground as the body still stood there, while blood was pouring over top of where is head once sat. Scooby then knelt over his friend Shaggy and with what little sense he still had turned him over to see if he was still alive. Shaggy then opened his eyes and screamed at his best friend and with one swift move, grabbed the spear out of the Ewoks hand and stabbed it into the chest of Scooby Doo. The now crazed Shaggy had a severe head wound, which was going to limit his effectiveness, as he was most likely going to die in the next coming moments.
The stab to the chest of Scooby Doo shocked the now dying dog, wondering how his best friend could ever do such a thing. Scooby, now realizing that death was now becoming him as well fell to the ground and cried his final minutes out as he looked into the eyes of Shaggy who was lying right next to him. With both Shaggy and Scooby now dead the very confident Paul Coffey got out of his seat to over look the wreckage that had overtaken the bus. Paul walked in the back of the bus when he saw an Ewok still standing in the back of the bus. He took out his sharpened stick and charged at the Ewok. The Ewok saw this attack coming and picked the head of the dead Ewok up and threw it at Paul Coffey. The head hit Coffey square in his nose, knocking him over. Coffey saw stars on the hit but soon enough, he was back on his feet looking for the Ewok. He saw nothing but soon felt a sharp pain in the back of his leg. He looked down and saw a piece of glass sticking out of it.
He reached over to pick the piece of glass out of his leg, but as soon as he did this he saw the Ewok out of the corner of his eye. He then made a quick move to his left but it was to late. The Ewok had already thrown one spear at the washed up Hockey player, piercing his once powerful thighs. This knocked the former Hartford Whaler to the ground, setting himself up perfectly for one last spear through the eye. The silver lining to all of this though, is that right before he received the spear to the eye, he noticed that the Ewok coming at him had a #51 branded onto his leg. This look familiar to him, as Coffey knew that he was a member of his team. This came as a relief to him, since despite the fact that he was going to die, he at least knew that his team was going to win. The Ewok then dealt the final blow to ex-Phoenix Coyotes assistant coach, which gave Ewok #51 the victory Reign Supremacy needed.
Or so he thought.
The bus should have stopped but it kept on going. The Ewok not being in the right state of mind did not understand what was going on, therefore never knowing that he should be excited because of his apparent victory. It was then that the Ewok started to go into convulsions and started to foam at the mouth. This went on for a good minute before Ewok #51 died, chocking on his own foam and vomit. The Ewok then fell to the ground, leaving the bus silent and devoid of life. Just then the bus started to slow down and come to a stop. All of the doors swung wide open and nothing happened. Then after several minutes of silence, there was movement right behind the front seat of the passenger’s side of the bus. Velma sat up in agony, but very far from death. She still had the spear sticking out of her shin, but she was very much alive. She woke up during the Shaggy and Scooby fight, but decided to stay down due to the fact that she knew the poisonous weed would eventually kill everyone off anyway. As she scooted herself out of the van and onto the ground, she smelled the sweet spring air and breathed in a big sigh of relief, knowing that once and for all her brains were the reason why she had survived the blood bath.
Brock Sampson’s Fighting Murderflies are Victorious!
Brock's boys are Mystery Inc: Fred, Daphne, Velma, Shaggy, & Scooby-Doo, w/ Scooby-Dumb, & Ewok #5.
In the most monotone voice you have ever heard, Paul Coffey continues to drive his point home to Fred, that he should be the one to drive the van. He explains to Fred that since he owns many car dealerships in Canada, that it is only natural that he be the one to drive the 68’ Volkswagen Mini-Bus. Fred of course being the pilot of the Mystery Van thinks otherwise. “Come on Fred, just sit in the back with me and Scoob. I mean, like who cares who drives this thing. As long as I can have my marshmallow and bbq sandwich, I don’t care who drives” a very laid back Shaggy says to Fred.
After another couple of minutes of arguing, Fred finally concedes the point to the four time Stanley Cup winner. The seating arraignment in the van is quite cramped, as there are a total of ten people in this contest. Paul Coffey and Fred are in the front two seats while Daphne and Velma are stuck in the back with Shaggy, both Scooby’s and the three Ewoks who have instantly forgotten that they are on opposite teams.
As soon as the van takes off Scooby and Shaggy take out a glass bong that has been molded into the shape of Scooby’s annoying cousin, Scrappy Doo. They light the bong up and soon enough they begin blowing the smoke into the faces of the Ewoks. The Ewoks, who up until this point had been jumping up and down in the back of the van, were now lying down on the floor, staring up at the ceiling.
The two up at the front of the van were having a very uninteresting conversation about hockey, since that is all Paul Coffey knows about. All of a sudden though, Paul Coffey lets go of the stirring wheel. Fred looks at him like he crazy, but then he looks at the wheel and notices that it is still steering. Just as this happens the glove box opens up and out drops a white piece of paper. Paul Coffey looks down at the letter and looks at Fred in the most boring manner possible and says, “What is it?” Fred picks up the letter and reads it to Coffey, who is hoping was is the latest sales reports for the first quarter from his dealership. The letter read as follows:
Hello folks, I am sure by now that you realize that this van is no longer being controlled by anyone of you. From here on out, it will be driven by us. If that is too vague for you, we are sorry, we’re not explaining anymore about the logistics of how this van can control itself. Anyways, we would just like to tell you that the object of this trip is have all but one of you die. Yes, you are going to have to kill each other. That also goes for people on the same team. The match will not end until there is one person left. Good luck to all of you and have a nice trip. Oh, by the way, the weed that is being smoked right now has been laced with special chemicals that have some pretty nasty side effects. Two of which being rage and death. Again, Good luck to all and have a very safe trip.
-FFL
“Huh” says an emotionless Paul Coffey. “I guess this means we are going to have to kill each other. Should we tell everyone else about this?” Fred looks over at Coffey and gives him a look that suggests he should not utter a word of this. “We need to keep this secret, we are going to cause a panic if people hear something like this” a very disturbed Fred says to Coffey.
“I don’t know if that will cause a panic Fred, though I’m pretty positive that this will”. Just as Coffey says this to Fred, he jam’s a sharpened down mini hockey stick into the neck of the ascot wearing Fred. Fred begins to violently jerk around in his seat while blood is gushing out of the side of his neck. Fred instinctively gets out of his seat and falls onto Velma who is screaming while blood is pouring over her entire body. “Why the hell did you do that Mr. Coffey? I can’t believe that you killed Fred” Daphne says in a rather unfazed tone. “Though now that the front seat is open, I might as well join you up there.” Daphne gets up and moves into the seat where her former lover was sitting.
When she gets into the seat she sees the piece of paper and says, “What’s this? Ooh, it’s a letter. I wonder if it mentions me in it?” She reads over the letter and looks back at Velma, who has finally pushed the now dead body of Fred off to the side and says, “Velma, I don’t need your help or anything, but if you could read this letter for me and explain it to me I don’t think I will be confused anymore.” Velma first looks at her with disgust and then snatches the letter from her hand and reads it over. “If this letter is correct then we are all going to have to kill each other and Shaggy, Scoobs and the Ewoks are all going to go into some sort of Bezerker rage in the next coming moments.”
Daphne still looks at Velma with a confused look on her face and says, “I still don’t understand, what does it mean? Velma looks at the very good-looking red head and says, “It means I finally get to kill you, you dumb red headed bitch.” As soon as she finishes saying this to Daphne, she grabs the Scrappy Doo bong that Shaggy was smoking out of, breaks it on the ground and with one of the pieces of glass from it, slices the throat of the extremely stupid Daphne. In fact, she sliced her throat and then repeatedly stabbed her in the stomach until Shaggy grabbed her hand and pulled her away from the very dead Daphne.
“Like what did you do that for? Daphne didn’t do anything wrong.” Exclaimed Shaggy.
“Oh like she didn’t have that coming. But listen to me Shaggy very closely. Somebody messed with your stash. You smoked some bad stuff a while ago and very soon you are going to lose your mind and very possibly die. So you need to concentrate really hard and try to stay with me. If you don’t we are all going to die". As soon she says this, an Ewok runs up to her and sticks his wooden spear into the shin of Velma, who lets out a shriek that can be heard through out the fantasy fantasy landscape. She falls to the ground and passes out.
Paul Coffey who has remained in the drivers seat has managed to stay out of this match, despite the fact that he is the one who started it. Things were about to change though as the effects of the weed were about to completely take over the rest of the van’s passengers. Suddenly, all of the Ewoks, who were now all naked as they had taken all of their clothes off, started to lose their minds. They all started chanting unreckagnizable words at the top of their lungs. Scooby himself also started to foam at the mouth and lunged himself at one of the Ewoks. Scooby then began to violently tear apart the Ewok, who was not lucid enough to even react to the crazed dog. Scooby then began to eat the dead body of the Ewok, spraying blood everywhere in the van. “Well that’s what I call a Scooby Snack,” a still coherent Shaggy said.
Scooby then looked over at his cousin Scooby dumb and bit him in the neck. Scooby dumb then fell to the ground. Out of nowhere an Ewok threw one of his spears at Scooby Doo but he missed, smashing the back window out of the mini-bus. Then Scooby picked up Scooby Dumb by the scruff of his dead neck and threw him out of the moving bus. Scooby Dumb’s dead body fell out of the bus and hit the ground, splattering blood all over the pavement. The sight was enough to make even the most avid animal hater to cringed in horror.
Then out of nowhere Shaggy was hit in the back of the head with the butt end of Paul Coffey’s sharpened hockey stick. As soon as Shaggy fell to the ground, another one of the crazed Ewok’s ran over to Shaggy’s head and started to stab it with his spear. Shaggy was close to death when Scooby noticed this happening to his best friend. Scooby, though crazed, still knew who Shaggy was and went over to help him by literally biting the head of the Ewok off. Scooby then fell to the ground and dropped the head of the Ewok onto the ground as the body still stood there, while blood was pouring over top of where is head once sat. Scooby then knelt over his friend Shaggy and with what little sense he still had turned him over to see if he was still alive. Shaggy then opened his eyes and screamed at his best friend and with one swift move, grabbed the spear out of the Ewoks hand and stabbed it into the chest of Scooby Doo. The now crazed Shaggy had a severe head wound, which was going to limit his effectiveness, as he was most likely going to die in the next coming moments.
The stab to the chest of Scooby Doo shocked the now dying dog, wondering how his best friend could ever do such a thing. Scooby, now realizing that death was now becoming him as well fell to the ground and cried his final minutes out as he looked into the eyes of Shaggy who was lying right next to him. With both Shaggy and Scooby now dead the very confident Paul Coffey got out of his seat to over look the wreckage that had overtaken the bus. Paul walked in the back of the bus when he saw an Ewok still standing in the back of the bus. He took out his sharpened stick and charged at the Ewok. The Ewok saw this attack coming and picked the head of the dead Ewok up and threw it at Paul Coffey. The head hit Coffey square in his nose, knocking him over. Coffey saw stars on the hit but soon enough, he was back on his feet looking for the Ewok. He saw nothing but soon felt a sharp pain in the back of his leg. He looked down and saw a piece of glass sticking out of it.
He reached over to pick the piece of glass out of his leg, but as soon as he did this he saw the Ewok out of the corner of his eye. He then made a quick move to his left but it was to late. The Ewok had already thrown one spear at the washed up Hockey player, piercing his once powerful thighs. This knocked the former Hartford Whaler to the ground, setting himself up perfectly for one last spear through the eye. The silver lining to all of this though, is that right before he received the spear to the eye, he noticed that the Ewok coming at him had a #51 branded onto his leg. This look familiar to him, as Coffey knew that he was a member of his team. This came as a relief to him, since despite the fact that he was going to die, he at least knew that his team was going to win. The Ewok then dealt the final blow to ex-Phoenix Coyotes assistant coach, which gave Ewok #51 the victory Reign Supremacy needed.
Or so he thought.
The bus should have stopped but it kept on going. The Ewok not being in the right state of mind did not understand what was going on, therefore never knowing that he should be excited because of his apparent victory. It was then that the Ewok started to go into convulsions and started to foam at the mouth. This went on for a good minute before Ewok #51 died, chocking on his own foam and vomit. The Ewok then fell to the ground, leaving the bus silent and devoid of life. Just then the bus started to slow down and come to a stop. All of the doors swung wide open and nothing happened. Then after several minutes of silence, there was movement right behind the front seat of the passenger’s side of the bus. Velma sat up in agony, but very far from death. She still had the spear sticking out of her shin, but she was very much alive. She woke up during the Shaggy and Scooby fight, but decided to stay down due to the fact that she knew the poisonous weed would eventually kill everyone off anyway. As she scooted herself out of the van and onto the ground, she smelled the sweet spring air and breathed in a big sigh of relief, knowing that once and for all her brains were the reason why she had survived the blood bath.
Brock Sampson’s Fighting Murderflies are Victorious!
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