The Royal Highness Vs. John and Vader's House of Sith Aids

John and Vader’s House of Sith Aids are: Anakin Skywalker, Ahsoka Tano, The Guardians of The Galaxy: Starlord, Groot, Rocket, Gamora, and Drax, Lucario, Desmond Howard, State Farm Agent, Kit Fisto, Snoopy the Dog, and Larry, Moe, and Curly.

The Royal Highness is The Flash (Barry Allen), Batman Beyond, The Blue Marvel, The Thing, Miracleman, Invincible, Batman, Human Torch, Mr. Fantastic, Midnighter, Paul Atreides, Demolition Man, Supergirl (Matrix), Ronan the Accuser, Good Luck Bear, and The Grandmaster.



Welcome all, to the famous sports opening of The Fantasy Fantasy League!! Baseball will be our sport of choice to open up this “purge year”, chosen exclusively, because it requires the most amount of players, and then we get to kill more people because that is what we’re in to here at The FFL (#Isis). In this week’s game, we will be putting Designated Hitters to use; but the pitchers will still be hitting as well in a ten man batting line-up. We are doing it this way, because as I have discussed at length for the past few years, (#The Majors LIVE, #TMSNX Radio) this is the system that I truly wish The MLB would adopt. But don’t worry, for those of you who think this would not work; because I am pretty much the only person on the planet that is for this. So, considering that I am in fact the Watcher in this match, we’ll do it my way, this one time only

Now for the game:

The Sith Aids are the home team today (I flipped a coin, they were tails). Which means that famed Jedi Knight “The Chosen One” himself Anakin Skywalker takes the mound. Anakin can really bring the heat, but he is known more for his control of the ball, basically putting it wherever he wants it. Batters who have faced him in the past have even sworn that the ball even seems to slow down on occasion before it reaches the plate. First up to bat for The Highness is The Flash; no, not Dwayne Wade; but Barry Allen. Here comes the pitch: The Flash bunts the ball right in front of Skywalker, who uses his Jedi speed and reflexes to grab the ball, and turn to safely throw to second knowing that this batter has unheard of speed. But even in his overestimation, Anakin underestimates as The Flash has already turned his bunt into an infield homerun. The score stands one to nothing after the first pitch. Anakin is fuming already as 2nd baseman Terry McGinnis comes up to bat. This young Batman looks BEYOND confused as three quick curve balls zoom right past him, giving Skywalker his first K of the day. The Blue Marvel steps up to the plate next, he watches the first pitch fly by for strike one, then a couple of balls, but then sends one down the line between second and third. The Blue Marvel races around first but Gamora sends it on over to Star Lord to try and catch him on second. SAFE. The Thing comes up next and starts out with a mighty swing and a miss, he then barely catches Anakin’s next pitch but his strength still has it heading for the fences, luckily for Sith Aids, Desmond Howard uses the superior intellect he gained at Michigan, matched with the amazing athleticism that got him in to leap up at the farthest point at center field to rob The Thing of a homer. Leave it to a Michigan man to make a play like that (that one’s for you John). Anakin looks deep into the force for an answer before he decides to intentionally walk Miracleman, putting men on 1st and 2nd; but then gives up a double to Invincible. Both men score. Batman ends up with a strike out for out number 3. Batman then takes the mound as Anakin comes up to bat. Anakin hits what looks like a possible leg-double; but somehow the ball just keeps moving up and out of the park. Homerun!! Groot comes up next and starts talking some smack to the catcher The Thing by saying: “I am Groot”. Batman puts some good spin on his balls and although it takes him 9 pitches to do it, he strikes him out. Drax comes up next and crushes a homer off Batman into deep left field, but Starlord pops out to Miracle Man at center. Gamora hits a ground rule double, but Ahsoka hits into what could have been a double play if the two outs were needed.

End of the 1st: Highness 3 Sith Aids 2

Human Torch, Mr. Fantastic, and Ronan make for a quick 1,2,3 inning for Anakin, while Batman retakes the mound. Lucario pops out to short, while Desmond gets a single. The State Farm Agent strikes out, while Snoopy’s hit is snagged by First Baseman Reed Richards. No score in the 2nd by either squad.

Now, I’m not one of those dicks that thinks that Baseball is boring, but I fully acknowledge that me writing about it probably is, so I’ll zoom ahead a couple of innings and cut to the chase.

Flash continued to do the same thing every time he was up, only running into problems when other people where on base and he wasn’t allowed to pass them on the baseline; while Anakin could hold most of The Highness at bay; but still ran into trouble with some of their power hitters. Anakin pitched through the seventh, until they brought in Starkiller for the 8th which was a bad idea as he let 9 runs in that inning alone. Kit Fisto closed out the game, doing a significantly better job than Starkiller; but still letting in 2 more runs before the game was over. Although he did pop a two run homerun in the 9th, in addition to his pitching performance.

Batman on the other hand, eventually started to tire out by the fourth inning after having to go up against so many super-humans. He was pulled out and replaced by The Midnighter, who did not have a whole lot more luck than Bruce. The power hitters started really coming into their own, and it helped that Snoopy finally realized that he was too short to have a strike zone so he would walk every time as long as he didn’t swing (known to some as The Josh Houslander rule in softball). Letting in 5 runs in the 5th and another 7 in the 6th. Paul Atreides, set to be the closer, came in in the 7th and by the end of the game had the entire crowd chanting “Ooh Maud Dib” as he used his weirding ways to deliver the ball with sheer excellence. He used his Bene Gesserit training to put careful spin on each pitch placing it wherever he wanted over the plate, as well as running Mentat projections before each batter to know in advance the exact probability of how each batter would swing. The lack of depth in The Sith Aids dugout did not do them any favors either (unlike The Highness who had Supergirl replace Human Torch in the outfield and help out in the batter’s box as well). Paul still ended up letting in 3 runs over those 2 innings; but a good switch nonetheless.

In true Fantasy Fantasy fashion, crap got real after the game when Manager Rocket Raccoon decided that the best way to end this match-up would be to kill the other team. This was broken up quickly by the Watcher Joshatu the Great and Powerful; but before his Greatness could intervene, this resulted in The Midnighter, Demolition Man, Batman Beyond, and Mr. Fantastic dying at the hands of The Guardians and a really pissed of Starkiller.

Some Sith Aiders may have died in the skirmish as well; but their time of death is to be labeled as irrelevant in the eyes of this watcher, for all must die on the losing team this week.

Final Score: The Royal Highness: 30 John and Vader’s House of Sith Aids: 25

Season 8, Week 1 Match: Griswold's Nut Busters vs. Layanderletson's Super Orange Kitties and Cats Living Together to Make a New Family

                            
“You know I think it's time to give this game a ride. . .”

-John Fogerty, “Centerfield”

I look upon the teams which will play baseball in this Season 8, Week 1 Match located at Camden Yards.  They are as follows:

 Griswold’s Nut Busters: Black Slacker (SP), Jedi Master 1A (RP), Dark Side Marauder 2 (CP), Even Blacker Slacker (C), Colored Slacker (1B), Dark Slacker (2B), Brown Slacker (3B), Damn Near Purple Slacker (SS), Bill Brasky (CF), Riddick (RF), Weapon XIII -Bad Fantomex (LF), War Skrull 9 (UI), War Skrull 10 (UO), Harley Race (DH), Death Adder Jr (PH) and Bill Lambier (MGR).

Layanderletson's Super Orange Kitties and Cats Living Together to Make a New Family: Warpath (SP), Gary-Jedi Master 1B (RP), Jedi Master 50A (CP), Zak Saturday (C), Brady Hoke (1B), NS5 36 (2B), NS5 35 (3B), Kid Flash (SS), Green Goblin (LF), Quil - Twilight (CF), BL Kyle Houslander (RF), Komodo (UI), High King Peter the Magnificent (UO), Cinderblock (DH), Predator 47 (PH) and Bo Schembechler (MGR).

Play Ball!!!

1^st Inning. . .

Brady Hoke, bat in hand, lumbers up to home plate.  Even Blacker Slacker signals Black Slacker from behind the plate.  Black Slacker throws the ball directly at the head of Brady Hoke.  A loud crash is heard as Hoke’s helmet is shattered.  The ball is firmly entrenched in the former University of Michigan Football Coach’s skull.  Hoke falls to the ground, dead.  The entire Kitties and Cats’ Squad scream and holler at the intentional murder.  Harley Race takes it upon himself to rush toward the mound.  Race is decimated by a well placed goblin bomb thrown from Left Field’s Green Goblin.  The umpire crew contains the members of both squads and the inning continues with the teams not scoring any runs.

GNB: 0

LSOKACLTTMANF: 0

2^nd Inning. . .

The top half of the second inning proves significant as Cinderblock “accidentally” releases his bat on the backswing.  The bat flies through Bill Lambier’s head. A skirmish is narrowly avoided.    During the bottom of the second, Warpath sizzles smoke by the Nut Busters’ first two batters.  While all focus on the game, Kid Flash takes advantage of the situation, races out from the dugout and snaps the neck of Bill Brasky in center field.  Not knowing what happened to Brasky, Lambier immediately substitutes War Skrull 10 in his stead. 

GNB: 0

LSOKACLTTMANF: 0

3^rd Inning. . .

The Green Goblin hits a solo home run. In response, Colored Slacker, Dark Slacker and Brown Slacker manage to hit singles off of Warpath.  Weapon XIII- Fantomex hits a double and drives in two runs. 

GNB: 2

LSOKACLTTMANF: 1

4^th Inning. . .

As the first half of the inning ends, Gary (Jedi Master 1B) is put in to relieve starter Warpath.  Gary lets up two runs.  Jedi Master 1A replaces Black Slacker in relief as a “slacker” can only go so far into the game.  Jedi Master 1A not only manages to strike both NS5 35 and 36 out, but also destroys them with crushing force pushes into their dugout. 

GNB: 4

LSOKACLTTMANF: 1

5^th Inning. . .

During the bottom half of the inning, Jedi Master 1A releases his lightsaber instead of the ball and slices through High King Peter the Magnificent.  Predator 47 uses its shoulder canon to fire at the relief pitcher.  The blast is deflected and rips through the chest of fellow teammate, Zak Saturday.  Pandemonium breaks out as both benches clear and a full out brawl ensues.  The Slackers grab onto one another and form Mighty Jackin Power Slacker.  The entity manages to crush Bo Schembechler, but is destroyed by Quil, Green Goblin, BL Kyle Houslander and Cinderblock. Black Slacker, Even Blacker Slacker, Colored Slacker, Dark Slacker, Brown Slacker, and Damn Near Purple Slacker are all killed in the melee.  Dark Side Marauder 2, Riddick, Death Adder Jr and the War Skrulls kill Komodo and Quil.   

After the bodies are cleared from the field, the remaining members of each team try to field as best they can.  The game starts again while each diminished team attempts to cover several positions on the field and have enough strength to swing the bat while on offense.  

GNB: 4

LSOKACLTTMANF: 2

6^th Inning. . . 7^th Inning. . . 8^th Inning. . . 9^th Inning. . .

The Nut Busters fail to take advantage while at bat, but the Layanderlets succeed and score 4 runs over the next four innings through the combined efforts of each remaining member.

 

 

Season 8: Week 1: The Empire -vs- Beckerman's Backyardigans Beeyaatches

The Following is an excerpt from Ken Burns’ documentary, “When It Was A Game 5"

Narrator (Peter Coyote)

The game thrived through the better part of the 21^st century, introducing new pace of play mandates such as the pitch clock, the batters clock and even the game clock. No game after the introduction of the game clock ever lasted longer then two hours and fifteen minutes. Die Hard fans of the game considered these changes a death blow to the purity of the sport. Yet despite all of these claims, the game continued on, eventually taking back it’s rightful crown as the past time of the American people.

Despite all of the so-called improvements to the game, there were still naturally a couple blemishes on baseballs imperfect score sheet. The first that every fan remembers is the much derided “Long-stop” experiment that only lasted for one season and was quickly dissolved as the next season began. The idea that there would be a gap to fill in-between the first baseman and the second baseman flew in the face of logic, something that baseball did not always use as a gauge when it came to making the game, quote un quote, better.

The second blemish on its record towards the end of the 21^st century would not even involve active players in the league, in fact, most of the participants were not of this world at all.

The FBC or the Fantasy Baseball Classic still goes down as the biggest disaster since the infamous 1994 players strike that ended with the cancellation of the World Series. The FBC introduced an entire gallery of unheard of creatures that decided they could compete with each other in a supposedly serious game of baseball. Most games are remembered for the incessant fighting and poor play, making Major League Baseball look more foolish as every game was played.

Despite the dismal ratings and attendance, the public outcry for unbalanced teams and human rights violations that persisted throughout the entire series, the biggest highlight was perhaps the game between The Empire and B3. The squad that was put up by B3 was a typical menagerie of nobody’s and criminals, a common complaint among many of the teams in the FBC. It was obvious from the get-go that the Terminator who was the starting pitcher for B3 had never thrown a baseball in his entire life, evidenced by the 11 earned runs allowed before a single out was recorded in the first inning.

Bob Costas: The Fantasy Baseball Classic lays claim to one of the biggest blunders in the history of the sports. Why Major League Baseball, who had been number one now for over thirty years, thought it a good idea to do something like this made absolutely no sense at all.

Al Michaels: Next to making the All Star Game count towards the home field advantage in the World Series, I can’t think of a single event in the history of baseball that caused such a mess for the league.

Joe Buck: The FBC was a disaster for the league. Every game came with it’s unique set of issues. The most damning issue being the truly heinous way the players were allowed to treat each other. It was as if China was in charge of the league for two weeks.

Brian Williams: I remember the Fantasy Baseball Classic quite well actually. People really seemed to enjoy the off-world creatures involved in it. I know I enjoyed each and every game for what it was, the most inventive and innovative idea in the history of sports.

Joe Buck: Honestly, if it wasn’t for Zach Greinke’s perfect game I don’t think Major League Baseball could have survived the travesty that was occurring day in and day out.

Narrator

The backlash was violent against Major League Baseball and for seven straight days the people in the media, government and even other athletes were calling for the commissioner’s head. The United Nation’s even established a committee to talk about the human rights violations that were taking place every single game. Then on the eighth day of play, a savior came to the rescue.

Al Michaels: I have seen a lot of sporting events in my life that I would consider a miracle, but what Zach Greinke was able to do that day on the mound, was nothing short of divine intervention.

Bob Costas: (Pauses) It still boggles the mind to imagine Zach, in the middle of a media firestorm, being able to do what he did.

Joe Buck: 27 straight strike outs, 81 straight strikes. Not a single ball touched a bat that day for him. Unbelievable. (Pauses) It will be forever known as the Golden Greinke.

Bob Costas: Major League Baseball owes everything to him, still to this day. That performance will forever go down as the greatest this sport has ever seen...and will ever see. Just perfection.

Narrator

That perfection ended in a 46-0 victory for The Empire, still a major league record for a sanctioned game. Though the Fantasy Baseball Classic was still viewed as a disaster, it, for one night, might just have been the most magical thing that has ever occurred on the diamond.

Charles Barkley's Turrible Decisions Vs. Brock Sampson's Fighting Murderflies

Charles Barkley's Turrible Decisions are:

-John Zacharski: Starting Pitcher
-Dark Jedi Master #11A: Catcher
-Dark Jedi Master #12A: 1st Base
-Dark Jedi Master #35: 2nd Base
-Dark Jedi Master #36: Shortstop
-Golden Army #34 "The Inge-Bot": 3rd Base
-Dark Jedi Master #37: Right Field
-Dark Jedi Master #38: Center Field
-Dark Jedi Master #39: Left Field
-Bill Walsh: Manager
-Dark Jedi Master #25A: Middle Relief Pitcher
-Dark Jedi Master #26A: Closing Pitcher
-Dark Jedi Master #27A: Utility Outfielder
-Dark Jedi Master #28A: Utility Infielder
-Dark Jedi Master #29A: Pinch Hitter



Brock Sampson's Fighting Murderflies

-Kingpin: Catcher/Manager
-Hawkman: Right Field
-Hawkgirl: Left Field
-Jack Reacher: Designated Hitter
-Energizer Bunny: Starting Pitcher
-Black Lantern He-Man: 1st Base
-The Wu Tang Clan!!
-Rakwon: 2nd Base
-RZA: Closing Pitcher
-GZA: Relief Pitcher
-Inspectah Deck: 3rd Base
-Method Man: Shortstop
-U-God: Pinch Hitter
-Cappadonna: Pinch Hitter
-Ghost Face Killah: Center Field
-Mastah Killah: Utility Infield
-Ghost Face Killah :Utility Outfield


Welcome people to today's latest feature the mass slaughter of someone's team is infinitely happening today. We have the CBTD's vs the MF'S of Brock Samson ( somebody call Samson) no line up call today so you can all feel fagknuckled! Ha ha I love this shit! CBTDs has home field today so they'll start the field now these boys been waiting to meet these MFs. First up is kingpin. Is he a pimp or what. He's eyeing john zacharski. John winks and kisses at him, throws the ball. Ooh he took his fucking head off. Well I guess he was aiming at his intelligence but he wasn't smart enough to get outta the way. Hawk girl fills in on first as the runner. Next up is jack reacher. As short as he is I'm surprised he can reach anything. Swing and a miss. Oh he's pissed now. Strike two on jack. Jack said fuck it and left the building. What the hell was that. Damn dude never seen some shit like that before. Here comes the energizer bunny. He's been under investigation for using drugs and juicing. Which is probably why he seems so jacked all the time. Oh he took john deep going going going damn he just got a mouth full of aids by DJM#37 thought that was gone but it was taken away to bad. The bunny is now hemoraging . To much juicing now he's being carted off the field. Hold on hawk man got skipped in the line up. Where the hell is he. This just in. Hawk man shit down by hunter on the way to the game. He'll be out for the season. CBTDs turn to bat. John zacharski is up to bat. Some say he is the master giver of giving aids. Swing, and it's gone he wrote aids all over that ball. 1-0 is the score. DJM#11A is up. Ground into left safe on first. DJM#12A pop fly to center. Ghost face kill ah up to catch oh to bad one out. DJM#36 hits a double to the right . DJM#37 sacrifices scores two. Two outs now. Golden army #34 Inge bot sent that one flying score is now 4-0 CBTDS winning. DJM#38 sends a line drive to third damn right through the chest of the gza. I guess that was a heart stopping hit for a single. The doc says that was a career ending injury. DJM#39 pops one out to short stop. The MF'S are batting again. Though their team is looking a little slim. Black lantern he-man comes up. Strike one thrown by john. Strike two by john. He-man gets pissed. Strike three as he runs back to the dug out he slips trips and lands on Raekwon's dick. Now Raekwon is out with a dick contusion. It's the rza. What the hell is he doing. He's taking the rest if the wu-tang clan and leaving the field. They said we aint no ball players we rappers we going back to New York. CBTDs has no one left to play. The MFs dugout is empty. Well I guess that's it. Those MF'S just wasn't enough for the aids giving, ass drilling, fagknuckling CBTDs. Sounds like a big STD giving orgy given to these MF'S

First Ever Consortium Match

TEAM Vs. Team Sleeping Pussy

TEAM was Indigo Lantern #2 (utility), Yellow Lantern #3-4 (relief pitchers), Heishiro Mitsurugi (catcher), Fred Baker (w/ Orb of Light) (batboy), Mr. Miyagi (w/ Shining Force Katana) (Player/Manager), Blood Eagle (1st), Jedi Master #32A, 16B, 38B-40B, and #8 (left, 2nd, short, 3rd, right), Jedi Councilman #2 (starting pitcher), Nova Corps Nathan Storey (pinch hitter), and Failed Jedi Bran (mascot).

Team Sleeping Pussy was Bullseye (w/ a red lightsaber) (starting pitcher), Ash (w/ mandalorian armor) (catcher), War Skrull #35 (1st), Wildcat (2nd), Blink (short), Bill the Butcher (w/ a blue lightsaber) (3rd), Jubilee (right), Hanover Fiste (center), Toro (left), Sam Malone (middle relief), Captain Boomerang (closer), Blockbuster (DH), Captain Guts (utility infield), Western Ghost Rider (utility outfield), and Quicksilver (pinch hitter).


In an unanimous vote of 6 to 0:

TEAM SLEEPING PUSSY IS VICTORIOUS!!

The entire TEAM squad was executed quickly by the merciful Watchers after their losing performance.

Bill the Butcher was killed during the course of the game after starting a fight with the two yellow lanterns.

Bullseys, Ash, War Skrull #35, Wildcat, Blink, Jubilee, Hanover Fiste, Toro, Sam Malone (w/ an MVP Performance), Captain Boomerang, Blockbuster, Captain Guts, Western Ghost Rider, and Quicksilver all survived to celebrate their victory where everybody knew their names.

One Last Thing

Everyone should have received an email from Ryan with the new team submission sheet for each week. Also there was the attachment for the weekly death list for all watchers to fill out.

For everyone's convenience, I have added these as downloads right here on the homepage!

Over on the right, you will see the friendly "Downloads" section.  The weekly submission sheet and Watcher Death list form are both there now. So no excuse for losing the email!

Using the submission sheet will help the watchers assure your players are played with the appropriate attributes and receive the proper love if they are "9 deathers".

Using the Death Sheet is mandatory after writing your match. This will keep the rosters accurate each week.

If you have any questions, just write them down on a piece of toilet paper and wipe your ass with it.

Good Luck!
Fizz

Season 8 Begins!

Good Luck to everyone in the purge this year.

I have added new links to the right.  Season 8 schedule, The weekly extra commons you will have added to your team, and also, this post will be added as "Watcher Email Addresses" because it has the updated list. If anyone's address is wrong, let me know.

-----------------------------
Watcher Email addresses
-----------------------------
Josh - joshhouslander [at] gmail [dot] com
Ryan - ryanpoteracki [at] gmail [dot] com
Bryan - bandtbeckerman [at] wideopenwest [dot] com
Nick - nickhouslander [at] yahoo [dot] com
Seeney - tragichero182 [at] yahoo [dot] com
NFG - mgwell79 [at] gmail [dot] com
Fizz - cbartrip6 [at] yahoo [dot] com
Ed - thisisntmyemailaddress [at] yahoo [dot] com
Goof - archr5 [at] gmail [com]
Dave - dcarterparks [at] gmail.com

TO EVERYONE:

EVERY week deals 2 deaths for each character that doesn't make it out of the match.  Week 5 deals 5 deaths and week 9 is 9 deaths per character.

REMEMBER to email your watcher your team each week.  They are due by NOON on Tuesday (I think).  Don't know it, email it to Josh.

TO WATCHERS:

Everyone will be watching at least one match this year.  The match needs to be posted by Sunday night/Monday Morning.  You MUST EMAIL RYAN with a list of who died each week.  He has the huge undertaking of keeping the rosters in order and he does it out of the kindness of his heart.  Lets all make his job easier.

Good Luck and COMMENT!  Watchers spend a lot of time and effort on these matches and love to see a comment on their matches.  A simple "Great Job" means a lot.  It means you read their work.

If I forgot anything, just drop it in the comments below.

Later,

Fizz

A beginning of endings

Cotton McKnight enters his good friend Pepper Brooks hospital room and closes the door. He hasn't missed one day of visiting, not since Peppers tragic run in with a cliff last year.

"Hey, Pep. How ya doin?" he asks, once again getting no answer.

"Buddy- If you can hear me, don't go hurrying up to wake up on our account. I just got the word "Spoiler Sport" is no more. There's been a huge fight between cable stations and ESPN, and there's not one outlet who will carry us anymore. I just got the news today" Cotton's eyes well up with tears, but he chokes them back-vowing to stay strong for his comatose co-worker/best friend

"Things *sniff* things are getting dark man. They're calling this year "The Purge" and promising MORE bloodshed, if you can believe that. I guess there's some new policy enacted where a bunch of random commons have just been assigned teams all willy nilly- you can imagine how that went over with Dusty Rhodes. He's saying that as the voice of the common man, that his people deserve better than to be bullet catchers to help pad teams for the play offs. That these Watchers are lazy, not bothering to take the time to get to know his people. He said that every common has the ability to become the next "Butterscotch" but who really gives a hoot when Superman from Earth 742X-3, or Hal Jordan: Chartreuse Lantern approach these owners about coming to the Big Leagues"

Pepper's heartbeat monitors continues to beep, as Cotton gathers his thoughts

"Did you hear the other news? They found one of the Watchers dead. Krisatu. No one knows how or why. It seems like everything is...." Cotton trails off, an idea starting to brew.

Suddenly- it hits him.

"Oh my god. Pepper. Pepper, buddy. You're not safe. None of us are safe. It's happening. They're-"

Suddenly- there's a flash of light and a mysterious figure appears.

"Ah-ah. That'd be SPOILING SPORT." the figure laughs as Cotton McKnight is gutted like a fish. He collapses to the floor. Watching helplessly as his attacker strides over to Pepper's life support machine.

"Hee hee. So- they pulled the plug on your little show? Well I'm pulling the plug on Pepper! Hee haa haa haaa"

As Pepper flat-lines, Cotton struggles to crawl to the hall to get some help- cursing himself for literally closing the door on his chance for survival.

"Well, well reporter man. I gotta run. The sight of blood makes me a bit queasy if we're being honest. Toodles" he drops an orb to the floor and vanishes.

His throat filling with blood- Cotton tries to gurgle his famous sign off line for the very last time, as the plasma grenade violently explodes incinerating  Cotton McKnight and Pepper Brooks.

All Star Game Slash Preseason Extravaganza

Preface:

I personally feel as if there is very little difference in competitive sports between an All Star Game and a Preseason game.  One usually gets watched by more people but has less importance, the other is probably more important, but no one watches them.

Now I do apologize to you all for not doing the All star game this summer, but after a tremendous Universe Bowl, I just didn’t want to upstage Nick by dropping a masterpiece on y’all (like I am about to do now).  Also, Josh JUST got me the roster list like 6 months ago.  How am I supposed to write 2 paragraphs in just under half a year?!

So I hope you all enjoy this warm up to the new season whilst paying tribute to the old.  Hopefully this gets my creative juices flowing and I will have all your favorite characters decapitating each other in no time!  Enjoy them now, because The Purge is coming, and everyone will be rotting in the graveyard soon!

------

The “National League” is:  Superman, Batman, Wonder Woman, Vladimir Putin, Silver Surfer, Earth 2 Superman, Barack Obama, Santa Claus, Darth Shemalya, David Koresh, Darth Vader, Aquaman, Magneto, Emperor Joker and Agent Coulson.

The “American League” is:  Red Son Superman, Captain America, Doomsday, Dr. Impossible, Tigger, Pre-Suit Darth Vader, Care Becks, Supergirl, White Lantern Yoda, Peeta Mellark (w/ Jarnborn), Dr. Manhattan, Odin, Mogo, Yoda and Good Luck Bear.

The NL ship transporting the combatants sets down gently on the playoff planet.  The once vivid landscape is now a shattered, desolate wasteland.  No more forests, rivers or cities.  The team looks out the windows of the ship at a charred black mess of long winding cracks and crevices in the surface of the planet that make it look like the last kernel in a bag of popcorn, that almost burst out of its shell.  

“Nice flying Kringle” says Supes.

“I’m thinking we turn this thing around and fly right out of this place.  The UB destroyed this place.  This is no proper setting for an All star game.  Or even a preseason matchup for that matter.” says our Commander and Chief.

“c’mon Mr. Free world!” stammers a hammered Putin, “You spoiled Americans.  This looks better than Sochi!”

The team all agrees that this place sucks now but they should go out and investigate and at least look for the AL.  Agent Coulson tries to open the hatch but it won't budge.  They notice that the ship begins to get incredibly warm all of a sudden and the NL begins to panic.

Outside, Supergirl and RS Supes are heating the hull of the ship attempting to cook the NL inside.  The rest of the AL waits outside ready to attack whoever comes running out.  By the time the NL is able to break open the hull, Coulson, Koresh, and Santa are not able to survive the intense heat.  The rest of the NL is able to escape and goes on the offensive.  Batman shoots his grappling gun into the eye of Pre-Suit Vader and reels him in.

“GET OVER HERE!” Batman growls.  He holds up his limp body and lets the real Vader remove him of his head.  Captain America and Supergirl jump in to take on the duo.  Supergirl burns off Vader’s last real hand with her heat vision and kicks him to the ground.  The Captain rips Vader’s helmet off and bashes in his skull with his shield.  Darth Shemalya steps in to avenge her fallen master and attacks Supergirl.  Batman jumps onto the back of Captain America and chokes the life out of him.

Supergirl is no match for Shemalya… wait.  I’m not Becks.

Supergirl easily kills the most powerful Dark sith lord Shemalya.  Batman takes off to help out Silver Surfer.  As the Silver Surfer flies around the two of them are able to defeat both Dr. Manhattan and Dr. Impossible but not before the two doctors dispatch of the Caped Crusader. While coming back to join the fight, SS is knocked off his board by Tigger who unknowingly bounced into his own death.  The Surfer falls to the ground and before he can stand up, gets his head bashed in by Doomsday.  Doomsday looks around and sees Earth 2 Superman and Wonder Woman holding their own against both Yodas and Odin.  Odin falls to Wonder Woman and as E2 Supes kills WL Yoda, the Real Yoda look outnumbered.  Doomsday comes in and dispatches of E2 Superman but not before Wonder Woman can get her lasso around him.  The real Superman swoops in and briefly looks into the eyes of Doomsday.

“Payback, Friend” says Superman as he punches into the head of Doomsday and removes his brain (and a little bit of spine).  Wonder Woman looks grossed out but then sees the lightsaber of Yoda tear into her chest.  Supergirl lands next to Yoda and Superman is beginning to feel outmatched.  He retreats and Yoda and Supergirl do not give chase for now.

Aquaman falls over dead because there is no water on the planet anymore.

Mageneto and Emperor Joker fight with Yoda, Supergirl and Mogo while The 2 Superman go punch for punch.  Putin and Obama have are trying to fight off the two care bears but Good Luck bear keeps being in the right place at the right time.  Care Becks keeps fighting dirty, grabbing everyone’s junk and swearing like a sailor.  He goes to punch Putin in the nuts but hits steel.  We all know Putin has balls of steel. Obama takes down Peeta and kills him by pressing his thumbs into his eye sockets and bashing the back of his head on the ground.  He picks up the Jarnborn and skewers the two bears.  Magneto shoots the sword with the two bears into the sun.

While preoccupied killing teddy bears, This lets Yoda get the upperhand on Magneto and sneaks his lightsaber under his protective helmet.  Emperor Joker turns Yoda into rabbit and then rips his giant ears off and bites off his head Ozzy style.  He grabs Yoda’s lightsaber and is able to ignite it just enough time to stab it into Supergirl’s chest. She grabs him tight and is able to push both herself and Emperor Joker into the NL ship.  She uses her heat vision to explode the ship killing them both.

Everyone regroups.  Superman, Putin and Obama facing off against Red Son Superman and Mogo.  In a wicked turn of events, Putin pulls out a knife and stabs the pres in the neck and then turns it on Superman and lands a near fatal wound as well.  Barack bleeds out and Red Son and Mogo are able to overtake Superman and crush his chest.  

Mogo is confused by what happened.  He stares dumbfounded as Red Son Superman helps Putin to his feet.

“You did Mother Russia proud today my Son”  says a beaming Putin to Red Son Superman.

“Too bad about this planet though.  It had a good run.  Not sure what we will do this year.” says RS Supes.

“I can help,” says Mogo, “But the planet will not be exactly the same after I am done with her.  There is still a life force inside her, and I can bring it out, but things will be… different than they were before”

“Go for it. What’s the worst that can happen?”  says Putin

“Violent tides followed by nothing but desert. Unbearable cold and then scorching heat.  Complete darkness and blinding light.” Mogo goes on to explain,  “The planet will no longer be stable.  It will produce terrains you are used but also, some you could never have dreamed of.  The landscape of the entire planet will change at once, sometimes lasting for months or years, or quite possibly just a matter of minutes.  ANYTHING will be possible here from now on.”

Mogo takes a knee and, using his ring, bores a hole into the core of the playoff planet.  The ground begins to shake and an explosion is felt.  Mogo sacrificed his life to bring a new life to the playoff planet. Suddenly RS Superman and Putin watch as new life emerges before their eyes.  They are standing in a rolling field.  Grass that never looked so green.  Putin swoops down and picks a flower and gives it a smell.

“We did good today” says Putin  “Mogo did his part, so I will do mine. There has to be a winner.”

RS Supes nods in agreement and reluctantly snaps the neck of the Grey Cardinal.

Random Commons For the Win!!

As promised, here is the randomly selected commons (mostly commons that is), that will be added to your teams for free each week. As posted previously this is a way to add some extra power to teams in what is going to surely be a rough year, and to simultaneously clear out a good chunk of the waiver wire in true purge fashion. I will be sure to notify your respective watchers from each week in regards to what characters are supposed to be added to your squads; so you will not have to do any extra work to make sure that you get your extra bullet catchers from week to week; but feel free to take a look at who you will be taking with you for free that week, in case you wish to play vehicles, items, or weapons with them, or to see if they can play into a potential discount. Good luck everybody, See you all on Feb. 7th!!


Griswold’s Nut-busters
2 Treasure Troll #17, Mummy #11-12, Goblin #42-48.
3 Vampire #31-40
4 Xenomorph #71-80
5 Aerosmith (Steven Tyler, Joe Perry, Tom Hamilton, Brad Whitford, & Joey Kramer), Tick-Tock, The Gump, Jack Pumpkinhead, Belinda, Wald, Starship Trooper #82-87, Skeleton #7-10
6 Sardakaur #40-49.
7 Sardakaur Terror Trooper #29, Navy SEAL Chief #2, Navy SEAL #7-14
8 Go-Bot #3-5, Marine #63-69.


Charles Barkley’s Turrible Decisions
2 Borg #1-10
3 Guns N’ Roses (W. Axl Rose, Slash, Izzy Stradlin, Duff McKagen, Dizzy Reed, and Matt Sorum), Trey & Corazon, Ron Jeremy, and Goldmember.
4 Sardakaur #30-39.
5 Nexu #2, Marine 70-78, Skeleton #1-6, Ewok Child #2-5
6 Moritani Soldier #12, Little Goomba #8-16
7 Navy SEAL Chief #3-4, Navy SEAL #15-18, Metroid #9-12
8 Giant Hammer Bros. #8-10, Fire Bros. #10, Boomerrang Bros. #5-10


TEAM
2 Mummy #1-10
3 Vampire #11-20
4 Compsagnathid #41-50
5 Seperatist Commando #1-6, Sardakaur Terror Trooper #25-28, Ewok #51, Naboo Soldier #2-7, Zombie #1, Skeltor’s Bodyguards #1-2
6 Predator #46, Marine #79-80
7 U.S. Navy Sailor #94-98, Kree Soldier #45-49
8 Dark Side Adept #13, Little Goomba #17-25.


The Royal Highness
2 Goblin #11-20
3 Horse #5, 7-11, Navy SEAL Chief #11, Navy SEAL #33-35
4 Xenomorph #56-60, Dark Jedi Master #7A-10A
5 Marine #88-90, Futar #1-2, 7-10, Balrog #5, Skeletor’s Crack Troops #2-5, 14-15, Storm Trooper #84-87
6 Jedi Guardian #3, Jedi Padawan #37, Little Goomba #26-33
7 Vampire #21-30
8 Gondor Soldier #19, Pirate #1-8, T-Rex #16


Brock Sampson’s Fighting Murderflies
2 Goblin #21-30
3 Navy SEAL Chief #12 & 13, Navy SEAL #36-43
4 Elephant #4-6, Cave Troll #1-6, Guild Navigator
5 Treasure Troll #27, Starship Trooper #1-6, Giant Hammer Bros. #5-7, Velociraptor #44-48, Jedi Master #3A-7A
6 Jedi Knight #2A-5A, Ninja #13-15, Ninja #1-4
7 Xenomorph #61-70
8 Elephant #9-10, Ape Soldier #1-6, 24-25.


Layanderletson’s Super Orange Kitties and Cats Living Together to Make a New Family
2 Goblin #8-10, 41, Vampire #75-80
3 Navy SEAL #44, Votari #6-10, Purple Dragon #3-6
4 Wookie Soldier #46-50, Dark Jedi Master #1A-5A
5 Navy SEAL Chief #5-6, Droid Fighter Ship #3-6, Knights of Solamnia #7-10, Jedi Master 8A-15A, Duncan Idaho Ghola #2, Horse #26
6 Hammer Bros. #4-10, Boomerang Bros. #2-4
7 (book) Arachnid #11-20
8 Jedi Master #18A-27A


John and Vader’s House of Sith Aids
2 Vampire #41-50
3 Purple Dragon #1-2, Fremen #43-50
4 Dark Side Master #6A, Sith Lord #13-14 (at one point were Darth Dark & Dark Seid), Thinking Machine #1-3, Elephant #1-3, Fremen #42
5 Reaper #7-8, Velociraptor #5-7, Uruk Hai #15-19, Horse #27-36
6 Fire Bros. #7-9, Kree Soldier #38-44
7 Kree Soldier #28-37
8 Jedi Master #28A-31A, Ninja #5-10, Magwai #3-4, Ewok Baby #3-4


Team Sleeping Pussy
2 Vampire #61-70
3 Elven Soldier #1-10
4 Fremen #31-40
5 Red Dragon #23, Sardakaur Terror Trooper #58-66, Horse #37-40, Jedi Knight #23A-27A, Storm Trooper #50
6 Warg Rider #1-4, Rider’s Warg #1-4, Marine #91-92
7 Jedi Knight #28A-29A, Silver Dragon #15, (book) Arachnid #44-50
8 Kree #18-27


Beckerman’s Backyardigan’s: Beeyatches
2 Fremen #51-54, Elven Soldier #11-12, Xenomorph #81=84
3 Jedi Master #37C-38C, Green Dragon #29-30, Gold Dragon #1-2, Fremen #41, Col. Bitter #1 & 2, General Heartland
4 Compsagnathid #37-39, Fremen #23-24, Blue Dragon #15-19
5 Green Dragon #1-2, Marine #93-100, Storm Trooper #46-49, 75-80
6 Kree Soldier #8-17
7 Vampire #51-60
8 Jedi Padawan #38-39, Army Soldier #133-136


Commandos
2 Vampire #5-10, 71-74
3 Evil Dwarf #1-6, Compsagnathid #51-53, Xenomorph #55
4 Pink Muscle Man #1-5, Sgt. Malt and Sgt. Hop, Mac & Blue, Cheese
5 Blue Dragon #13-14, Sardakaur #50-57, Skeletor’s Crack Troops #7-12, Duncan Idaho Ghola #12, Sand Trooper #1-5
6 Tlielaxlu Master #1-2, Marine #55-62
7 Phibian #11-20
8 Fedayeen Shadow Warrior #1, Army Soldier #131-132, Gold Dragon #10-12, 14-15, Smurf #3, Gondor Soldier #18


The Mickey Mouse Grindhouse
2 Moritani Soldier #2-11
3 Gremlin #1-2, Snow Trooper #10-17
4 Starship Trooper #62-71
5 Jedi Master #38-39, Velociraptor #36-43, Mandalorian #1-10
6 Fedayeen Assasin #1, Sand Trooper #6-9, 21-25
7 Little Goomba #34, U.S. Navy Sailor #62-70.
8 Critter #8-12, Navy Sailor #99, Kree Soldier #50, Moritani Soldier #13-15


The Empire
2 Army Soldier #141, Snow Trooper #18-24, Pirate #9-10
3 Jedi Master #28A-31A, Ninja #5-10
4 Sith Lord #15, Snow Trooper #1-9
5 Gondor Soldier #10-17, Elephant #7-8, (book) Arachnid #41-43, Kobald #1-7
6 Elite Storm Trooper #1-10
7 Navy Sailor #71-80
8 Goblin #88-90, Mummy #14-18, Jedi Lightsaber Scientist #1-2


The Horsemen of Apokolips
2 Elite Storm Trooper #11-20
3 Purple Muscle Man #1-5, Pink Muscle Man #1-5
4 Atreides Soldier #1-6, Blue Tech Guy #1-2, Horse #41-42
5 (book) Arachnid #21-40
6 Sardakaur Terror Trooper #1-10
7 Navy Sailor #81-90
8 Ape Soldier #21-23, Wookie Soldier #31-36, Jedi Master #49


Real Man’s Rabble Rousers
2 Elite Clone Trooper #32-33, Snow Trooper #32-37, Starship Trooper #98-99
3 Skeletor’s Crack Troop #13, Army Soldier #116-124
4 Storm Trooper #52-61
5 (book) Arachnid #1-10, Ewok #75, Yuzzem #15, Sand Trooper #10, Treasure Troll #26, Sardakaur Terror Trooper #11-12
6 Scout Trooper #31-33, Goblin #49-50, 61-63, 86-87
7 Navy Sailor #91-93, Critter #1-7.
8 Elite Clone Trooper #22-31


The Midgets
2 Goblin #51-60
3 Jedi Master #42-49, Starship Trooper #96-97
4 Army Soldier #101-110
5 Storm Trooper #62-71, Sand Trooper #11-20
6 Failed Jedi #1-10
7 Navy Sailor #21-30
8 Scout Trooper #21-30


George Washington’s Slaves
2 Jedi Padawan #33, Starship Trooper #88-96
3 Army Soldier #111-115, Jedi Master #31-33, 36-37
4 Storm Trooper #72-74, Silver Dragon #8-14
5 Sand Trooper Officer #1, Battle Droid #100, Avian #2, Ancient Sith Lord #8-14, Scout Trooper #1-10
6 Scout Trooper #11-20
7 Pirate #16-20, Valkyrie #3, 5-7, Navy Sailor #20
8 Starship Trooper #72-81

Season 8: The Great Purge: Official Post

Hello my fellow nerds, here is your opening post for what will hopefully be a fun and crazy, transitional year in the world of Fantasy Fantasy (it will surely be an interesting one if nothing else).

This season will have the same set-up as the past few years, except for the fact that every match will be a total, and with no exception, absolute deathmatch, meaning that every member of the losing team will die (whether the Watcher writes it that way or not). In addition, every match during the regular season this year will deal at the very least double deaths to the characters that do not make it out of the match (a few matches will be even more (see the schedule below for more details on that)).

There are parts of this season that will be very different. It is designed to be a fun and transitional year. Some of these things will most likely work out and some will not. Some of these ideas may sound good to you and some not. I assure you that I share your skepticism when it comes to some of this stuff. I just ask that people do their best to enjoy it and have fun with it, and that the issues that will undoubtedly arise will be altered completely or changed back to normal next year. This is after all just supposed to be a fun release from the more serious things in life.

New Rules and Changes:

There are very few new rules being instituted this year.

-The only actually new rule is that any time an owner plays a Star Wars Vehicle, they can now play a Droid with it for FREE. With this, the amount of vehicles being played with out necessary or near necessary droids to pilot them should be brought to a minimum, and when it does come time to play these vehicles, owners will not be required to waste much needed playable points in that match. With this change, I for one will openly say that several Watchers, including myself will have very little love for owners who still play vehicles without a droid in them, I cannot speak for the other watchers though. There are astro-droids available on the waiver wires for those who need them.

-The most notable change this season will be that one of the matches played each week during the regular season will not actually be watched. It instead will be brought to a vote by the active Watchers, which will be known as a Watcher Consortium. This is an attempt to mix things up a bit and to bring in a new objective approach to some of the match outcomes. If the vote is close, than the winning team will have less characters survive the experience. If the vote is a blow-out, then more characters will survive (more to come on this later, feel free to direct questions, comments, or suggestions to me via email). As of right now, we have no idea if this idea will work out or not. We are just going to give it a shot for one year and see how it goes.

-Another change will be, one that was suggested a few years back. Every non-Watcher in the league will be asked to watch at least one match throughout the year (See the schedule to find your week). Over the years there have been many people who have said that they did not think they were up to doing this; which is why we are not asking anyone to do anything more than they think they can handle. If the Guest Watcher for that week wishes to write a story in the traditional way that we Watchers have in the past, than that would be great; but it is NOT necessary. If the guest watcher would rather simply look over the two teams and give their opinion as to which one is better, than that is okay too. Some creativity would be appreciated, but the only thing that is required is that whoever judges the match please remain completely fair and unbiased. Not unbiased towards characters, terrains, or their own unique nerd ideology, just simply unbiased towards the two owners involved in your particular match. I ask that people please just have some fun with this, and if you have any questions or concerns, we Watchers are there to help. Please do not hesitate to ask.

-Also, in an attempt to ease the paper trail of this league, and to add a potentially fun variable into the mix; in each match from week 2-7 every team will be randomly assigned a group of ten nine death commons will be added to your roster each week for free. I am unsure what exactly the watchers will do with those each week; but perhaps it will be a surprise to us all. This will hopefully add a new and unique aspect to the matches this week, as well as emptying out the common waiver wire. In week 1 each team will be given two additional unique characters from the waiver wire to add to your Baseball Roster, and in Week 9 each team will get one additional unique character off the waiver wire (just for fun (if there are enough commons left to fulfill this need))! These will be posted at a later date.

-There will not be prizes this year, they will return in Season 9.

-The last idea will be held to a vote. I personally think it would be cool if for THIS YEAR ONLY, in an attempt to further purge the league that we up the number of teams that make the play-offs from 8 to 12 (with the four division winners receiving a bye to the second round). Feel free to vote on this issue to me personally through any means that you find convenient, or in the comment section of this post.


The Schedule:


Week 1: This will be our annual sports week. This year, you will be asked to pick 16 characters. There is no point limit, the only requirement is that you choose characters that can fit in the batter’s box. If you wish to pinpoint what position each of these characters plays, that would be better but it is not necessary. For those of you who do not know baseball well, here is a rough breakdown of what positions the characters could play (some of these could be mixed up a bit, or made more specific if you wish):

1. Starting pitcher
2. Catcher
3. 1st Baseman
4. 2nd Baseman
5. Shortstop
6. 3rd Baseman
7. Right Fielder
8. Center Fielder
9. Left Fielder
10. Manager (can be player/manager if you wish)
11. Middle Relief Pitcher
12. Closing pitcher
13. Designated Hitter
14. Utility Infielder
15. Utility Outfielder
16. Pinch Hitter

-TEAM Vs. Team Sleeping Pussy (consortium)
-Griswold’s Nut-busters Vs. Lanyanderlet’s Super Orange Kitties and Cats Living Together to Make a New Family (Becks)
-John and Vader’s House of Sith Aids Vs. The Royal Highness (Josh)
-The Sisterhood of the Traveling Midgets Vs. Real Men’s Rabble Rousers (Fizz)
-The Horsemen of Apokolips Vs. George Washington’s Slaves (Guest Watcher: Adam).
-The Mickey Mouse Grindhouse Vs. Washed up Ho Miley Cyrus and The Imperial President Barack Obama’s Best of Both Worlds Touring Battalion of Commandos (Mike)
-Beckerman’s Backyardigan’s: Beeyatches Vs. The Empire (Nick).
-Brock Sampson’s Fighting Murderflies Vs. Charles Barkley’s Turrible Decisions (Guest Watcher: Aaron).


Week 2
Setting: The Forest of Hyrule
Points: 300

-Griswold’s Nut-busters Vs. The Royal Highness (Fizz)
-TEAM Vs. Charles Barkley’s Turrible Decisions (Pogo)
-John and Vader’s House of Sith Aids Vs. Team Sleeping Pussy (Becks)
-Brock Sampson’s Fighting Murderflies Vs. Layanderlet’s Super Orange Kitties and Cats Living Together to Make a New Family (Dave)
-The Traveling Sisterhood of Evil Midgets Vs. Robin Thicke’s gross toy and Constitution Burning President Barack Obama’s Best of Both Worlds Touring Battalion of Commandos (Guest Watcher: Ryan)
-The Horsemen of Apokolips Vs. Real Men’s Rabble Rousers (Consortium)
-Mickey Mouse Grindhouse Vs. The Empire (Nick)
-Beckerman’s Backyardigan’s: Beeyatches Vs. George Washington’s Slaves (Josh)


Week 3
Setting: Section Z
Points: 500

-TEAM Vs. The Royal Highness (Dave)
-Griswold’s Nut-busters Vs. Charles Barkley’s Turrible Decisions (Nick)
-John and Vader’s House of Sith Aids Vs. Layanderlet’s Super Orange Kitties and Cats Living Together to Make a New Family (Mike)
-Brock Sampson’s Fighting Murderflies Vs. Team Sleeping Pussy (Pogo)
-The Traveling Sisterhood of Evil Midgets Vs. The Empire (Becks)
-The Horsemen of Apokolips Vs. Miley’s Ol’ Used Up A** and King Obama’s Best of Both World’s Touring Battalion of Commandos (Josh)
-The Mickey Mouse Grindhouse Vs. George Washington’s Slaves (Consortium)
-Beckerman’s Backyardigan’s: Beeyatches Vs. Real Man’s Rabble Rousers (Guest Watcher: Goofjuice)


Week 4
Setting: The Streets of Rage
Points: 700

-TEAM Vs. Layanderlet’s Super Orange Kitties and Cats Living Together to Make a New Family (Nick)
-Team Sleeping Pussy Vs. Griswold’s Nut-busters (Josh)
-John and Vader’s House of Sith Aids Vs. Charles Barkley’s Turrible Decisions (Guest Watcher: Ed)
-Brock Sampson’s Fighting Murderflies Vs. The Royal Highness (Fizz)
-The Traveling Sisterhood of Evil Midgets Vs. George Washington’s Slaves (Becks)
-The Horsemen of Apokolips Vs. The Empire (Mike)
-The Mickey Mouse Grindhouse Vs. Real Man’s Rabble Rousers (Dave)
-Beckerman’s Backyardigan’s: Beeyatches Vs. Miley and Barack’s Blah blah blah (Consortium)


Week 5
Setting: The Play-Off Planet
Points: 999
**5 Deaths (yes, that is 5 deaths) will be given to every character that does not make it out of this match**

-The Traveling Sisterhood of Evil Midgets Vs. Layanderlet’s Super Orange Kitties and Cats Living Together to Make a New Family (Fizz)
-Real Man’s Rabble Rousers Vs. TEAM (Josh)
-Pop-Former Star Hannah Montana and Barack “Don’t Care about Montana (and the fly over country) Obama’s Best of Both World’s Touring Battalion of Commandos Vs. The Royal Highness (Becks)
-George Washington’s Slaves Vs. John and Vader’s House of Sith Aids (Guest Wathcer: Ryatu the Great and Powerful)
-The Mickey Mouse Grindhouse Vs. Brock Sampson’s Fighting Murderflies (Consortium)
-The Horsemen of Apokolips Vs. Charles Barkley’s Turrible Decisions (Mike)
-The Empire Vs. Team Sleeping Pussy (Pogo)
-Beckerman’s Backyardigan’s: Beeyatches Vs. Griswold’s Nut-busters (Dave)


Week 6
Setting: Doky Doky Panic Desert
Points: 450

-The Empire Vs. Brock Sampson’s Fighting Murderflies (Consortium)
-Real Man’s Rabble Rousers Vs. Charles Barkley’s Turrible Decisions (Mike)
-Pop-Superstar Layander and President Brock Sampson’s Touring Battalion of Commandos Vs. Team Sleeping Pussy (Josh)
-George Washington’s Slaves Vs. Layanderlet’s Super Orange Kitties and Cats Living Together to Make a New Family (Pogo)
-The Traveling Sisterhood of Evil Midgets Vs. Griswold’s Nut-busters (Guest Watcher: Eric).
-The Horsemen of Apokolips Vs. TEAM (Fizz)
-The Mickey Mouse Grindhouse Vs. John and Vader’s House of Sith Aids (Dave)
-Beckerman’s Backyardigan’s Beeyatches Vs. The Royal Highness (Nick)

Week 7
Setting: Level 7-2
Points: 350
**You may only play 1 Unique Character in this match, the rest must be commons**
-The Mickey Mouse Grindhouse Vs. The Traveling Sisterhood of Evil Midgets (Becks)
-Beckerman’s Backyardigan’s Beeyatches Vs. The Horsemen of Apokolips (Josh)
-George Washington’s Slaves Vs. Pop-Superstar Hannah Montana and President Death Panel’s Best of Both World’s Touring Battalion of Commands (Mike)
-The Empire Vs. Real man’s Rabble Rousers (Fizz)
-Brock Sampson’s Fighting Murderflies Vs. John and Vader’s House of Sith Aids (Pogo)
-Griswold’s Nut-busters Vs. TEAM (Guest Watcher: Laya and Alex)
-The Royal Highness Vs. Charles Barkley’s Turrible Decisions (Consortium)
-Layanderlet’s Super Orange Kitties and Cats Living Together to Make a New Family Vs. Team Sleeping Pussy (Nick)

Week 8
Setting: Ice Climber Mountain
Points: 250

-Layanderlet’s Super Orange Kitties and Cats Living Together to Make a New Family Vs. Charles Barkley’s Turrible Decisions (Josh)
-The Royal Highness Vs. Team Sleeping Pussy (Fizz)
-John and Vader’s House of Sith Aids Vs. Griswold’s Nut-bsters (Consortium)
-Brock Sampson’s Fighting Murderflies Vs. TEAM (Becks)
-Non-Superstar Miley Cyrus and “If only the other 2/3 of the country would have voted” President Barack Obama’s Best of Both Worlds Touring Battalion of Commandos Vs. Real Man’s Rabble Rousers (Guest Watcher: John)
-George Washington’s Slaves Vs. The Empire (Pogo)
-The Traveling Sisterhood of Evil Midgets Vs. The Horsemen of Apokolips (Nick)
-Beckerman’s Backyardigan’s: Beeyatches Vs. The Mickey Mouse Grindhouse (Dave)

Week 9
Setting: The Pit 2
Points: 75
**9 Deaths (yes, that is 9 deaths…. (no, you didn’t read it wrong the 2nd time either, that is 9 deaths)) will be given to every character that does not make it out of this match**

-Charles Barkley’s Turrible Decisions Vs. Team Sleeping Pussy (Pogo)
-Layanderlet’s Super Orange Kitties and Cats Living Together to Make a New Family Vs. The Royal Highness (Consortium)
-John and Vader’s House of Sith Aids Vs. TEAM (Nick)
-Brock Sampson’s Fighting Murderflies Vs. Griswold’s Nut-busters (Becks)
-MSNBC-Superstar Barack Obama and Persistent Miley Cyrus Best of Both Worlds Touring Battalion of Commandos Vs. The Empire (Dave)
-George Washington’s Slaves Vs. Real Man’s Rabble Rousers (Josh)
-The Mickey Mouse Grindhouse Vs. The Horsemen of Apokolips (Guest Watcher: Fred)
-Beckerman’s Backyardigan’s: Beeyatches Vs. The Traveling Sisterhood of Evil Midgets (Mike)


The Draft List:

As you will see below, the draft list for this year is very small. It will only consist of exactly three rounds, with no off list picks (other than the ones listed on the draft list itself). After this season, with the league healthily purged of many characters, there will be a very large draft, reminiscent of years of old, making in the words of Darth Vader: “The Circle now complete”.
Here is the list:

1. John Zacharski (6)
2. Dark Side Adept Kyle Houslander (14) and Dark Side Acolyte Zachary Houslander (14) (22 total)
3. Asgardian Matt Oblak (10) and Dementor Teresa Oblak (14) (22 total).
4. Nova Corps Nathan Storey (20) and Failed Jedi Bran (8) (26 total).
5. Dark Side Marauder Robert Hudson
6. Black Lantern Kyle Houslander(6) and Zombie Zachary Houslander (6) (10 total).
7. Black Lantern Matt Oblak (6) and Black Lantern Teresa Oblak)(6) (10 total) w/ Zombie Robert Hudson(6).
8. Zombie Matt Oblak (6) and Zombie Teresa Oblak (6)(10total), w/ Black Lantern Robert Hudson).
9. The Star Wars Rebels Team: Kanan Jarrus(25), Ezra Bridger(15), Zeb(22), Sabine Wren(22), Hera Syndulla(15), and Chopper (C1-10P)(6)(70 for whole team) w/ The Ghost.
10. 2 Marvel Characters and 1 Marvel Vehicle.
11. 2 D.C. Characters and 1 D.C. Vehicle
12. 2 Star Wars Characters, 1 Star Wars Vehicle, and 1 Star Wars Weapon.
13. Marvel Grab Bag (1 Random character)
14. D.C. Grab Bag (1 Random Character).
15. Star Wars Grab Bag (1 Random Character).
16. Grayson (20)
17. Lockdown w/ his ship
18. Pax’s Team (Orion Pax not included): Hardhead and Garnak (30 each, 58)
19. Manbearpig (7)
20. Battra (44)
21. Earl Butz (6)
22. An Ion A-5
23. Faora (58)
24. Jor-El (35)
25. Devil Dinosaur (33)
26. Thunderclash (36)
27. Fred Garvin: Male Prostitute (6)
28. Blacnket Hood Man (6) and Bobert (6) w/ Towel Cape Boy (3)(10 total) w/ Bobert’s Triple White Chrysler Lebaron.
29. Earth 2 Batman (34) and earth 2 Catwoman (24)(55 total).
30. 30 Resurrection Points and 1 Common Vehicle
31. 60 Resurrection Points and 1 Retired Vehilce
32. Zombie Kyle Houslander(6) and Black Lantern Zachary Houslander (6) (10 total).
33. Off List Pick
34. Off List Pick
35. Off List Pick
36. Off List Pick
37. Off List Pick
38. Off List Pick
39. Off List Pick
40. Group Off List Pick
41. Any 2 Vampires from the league
42. Build Your Own Character.
43. Build Your Own Team (Up to 6 Characters)
44. 1 Zombie
45. 1 Vampire
46. 1 Black Lantern
47. Verminard (38)
48. (movie) Galvatron (50) w/ Galvatron’s (comic book) team: Nova Prime(30), Dreadwing(30), Jhiaxus (30), and Waspinator(25) (90 for whole team).

Season 8: The Great Purge: Prologue

After millennia of vicious in-fighting over what to do with the over-crowded rosters and waiver wires; the mighty Watchers have decided upon the holding of a season where the clubhouses will be knee deep in blood, the battle field will be a place of near constant extermination, the rosters will dwindle in size, and the graveyard will become overcrowded with new combatants.....

You shall all be witnesses.

The Great Purge like years gone past will provide champion; but can a team truly win when the stakes are this high??

All may be defeated when confronted with The Great Purge......




Coming soon...

Hey, I hope that everyone enjoyed the Universe Bowl this year. I know it took a while for everything to get posted but I really wanted the story to be as good as it could possibly be. Congrats again to both Layanderlet's Super Orange Kitties and Cats Living Together to Make a New Family and the Sisterhood of Traveling Midget's. Both of you put up great squads this year that played perfectly into my goofy story that I had been planning since late April. 

I first and foremost would like to thank every single person who helped me write this year's Universe Bowl. Every time I felt like the story just wasn't adding up, all I had to do was read one of your post's and it completely energized me into writing more. I really appreciate the fact that we were all able to write out of our comfort zones and come up with something that was much different then anything we have done in the past.

On a more selfish note, I would like to thank the Commish for starting Zufa Cenva. I still wasn't quite sure how I was going to end this thing but as soon as I received both team's rosters and saw her name,  I knew who my workhorse was going to be in this match.

I do hope everybody enjoyed it and my hope for whoever writes next years Universe Bowl is that they have as much fun as I ultimately ending up having with it this summer.

I will see everybody this Sunday at the Commish's house and for now, this is it!

See everybody on the site in 2015.

Sincerely,

Nick

Universe Bowl VII: Epilogue

Epilogue

The once fiery planet had since calmed to silence. The Chaos and Mayhem that used to occupy this space was now filled with dormant tranquility. As Mr. Mxyzptlk stared down at the now peaceful planet he wondered how Zufa and Yoda had done it. Wondered is a strong statement to credit the Imp with, more of an amused complacency that came over him as he looked down at his ring. “A fun little guy indeed. Okay then, nothing more to see here.”

He spent one more moment looking down at the planet before saying, “Kltpzyxm”, thus disappearing for good.

Universe Bowl VII: The Principium...

Scorched earth…that would be an understatement to say the least.

Despite the warnings I have read about the state of this place, nothing could have prepared me for what I have seen with my very own eyes. Destruction beyond anything I have ever imagined, a true to life Apocalypse unfolding right before me.

What I first took as unseen attacks turned out to be nothing more then the planet coming apart. How it has lasted this long I do not know.

The first combatant I see is the Beast itself; a Dark Cloud emitting all colors of the spectrum in every direction imaginable. It knows this battle is almost over and yet; it shows no signs of slowing down. The Eradicator flies above, firing down energy blasts at a consistent rate. The Beast fires back with blasts of Red and Yellow energy at times, though it does not seem to be taking the attacks very seriously.

This scene goes on for a while until a tiny spec of white light appears right next to the Artifact of Krypton. The spec spends a good minute keeping up with the Midget but after a while, the spec continues its climb until it is well out of the planets quickly deteriorating atmosphere. The Eradicator continues it attacks on the Beast, yet still stays high in the sky.

This constant and almost muted fight continues between the flying Midget fighter and the Beast, but all at once, this calm comes to an end. A bright White Light appears from what is left of the ground below, a light so bright that it is impossible to see what is going on. The Beast makes no sudden movements but is plenty aware of the incoming force.

The light wanes slightly but is still clearly holding the Beast at bay for the moment. It is obvious that the Eradicator has been joined by someone else high in the sky, someone that I have to assume can be no one other then Supergirl. The Artifact does not seem pleased with the company though as he instantly changes his attack trajectory from the Beast below to his fellow Kryptonian. Supergirl whose experience in this match has been non-existent up until this point is having little difficulty fending him off.

She continues her flight around her opponent, clearly trying to avoid him, though I am not quite sure how long she will keep this up.

On the ground the light stays bright, though with the Beast not far off, I have to wonder who is going to go on the offensive first. Suddenly the ground shakes and an eruption of lava shoots straight into the sky, covering everything within what has to be a fifty-mile radius. This temporarily blinds my visibility, turning this place into nothing more then a living hell.

After several minutes the planet calms down a bit only to see the Beast making its first move towards the Light. Red, Yellow, and Green you name it; they are all firing at the Light with everything they have. The Beast is not holding back as it sends everything in its power at the Light. Yet despite the intensity of the attacks, the light does not seem to be wavering.

Up above, Supergirl and the Eradicator continue their stale mate, as the Midget does not seem to be cooperating with whatever Kara Zor-El is trying to accomplish. One has to wonder how long she will attempt this strategy before a counter-attack is made on her behalf.

The Beast’s blasts toward the Light are not subsiding in the least despite the strong hold that it is keeping. This all changes in an instant though as it seems Kara’s patience has run out as she finally makes contact with the Kryptonian Artifact, sending him into a free-fall towards the ground. Supergirl is no longer holding back as she sends blast after blast into the Midget as he careens directly into the belly of the Beast.

It is unclear whether or not this was her plan the whole time, as the Eradicator continues his decent until he is completely engulfed in the black cloud below. Supergirl slows her flight but does not waver her attacks, which are now pointed only at the center of the Cloud. Though the Beast continues blasting the White Light, it is obvious that the Kryptonian has diverted at least a small amount of attention.

The blasts originally concentrated solely on the White Light now begin to erupt towards Kara Zor-El, putting her on the defensive despite her continued attacks on the Beast. She flies higher up into the sky, attempting to keep as much distance between herself and the obvious enemy of this battle.

What happened next is still unclear, though the outcome became immediately apparent.

Out of nowhere, the White Light disappeared. This sent all of the Beast’s multi-colored projections deep into the planet’s core, creating a chain reaction that caused a planet-wide earthquake to begin. Volcanic eruptions are the consequence of this action, which now cover nearly everything in sight. This is the first time the Beast has shown any sign of faltering, despite its onslaught on the Kryptonian high up into the sky. Regardless of this action’s planned design, the blasts fired upon Supergirl were just too much for her to take as her defenses were not strong enough to handle them, killing her in the process.

The White Light appears once more, though this time it is much smaller in appearance. It is now obvious that it is Yoda harnessing this light, with Zufa Cenva right next to him. The Beast was still on the attack at this point; yet regardless of its incredible size, it is clear that the remaining combatants in the fight know its vulnerability.

Which is where the Beast’s ultimate flaw came into play. Despite its incredible ascent to power over the last couple of months, the Beast like so many Omnipotent beings before it, failed to realize its faults. Sure the Beast or “Thing” commanded the full color spectrum, it had harnessed the residual power of the Chaos King and up until this point, no creature in this fight had made a dent in its armor. All of these things lead it to believe that it was invulnerable to attack, which is exactly where its weakness lied.

The Demigod that Bill Duer had become could never understand the power behind the White power ring. Instead of wondering why it could not harness its power, it just left it alone. Assuming that if it could not take control of it, it was not worth having. A flaw, as simple as it may be, is the reason behind its failure.

The Beast continued making its violent attacks in every direction, bringing the planet’s destruction closer to its finality. Though the attacks were relentless, it never saw what Zufa had in store for him all along. Through her immense Physic abilities and Yoda’s understanding of the White power ring, they discovered something that Bill Duer never saw coming.

With the full use of Zufa’s Physic Attack, she pulsed every ounce of it towards the White Ring in which Yoda had been living through since his spirit had been reanimated. Through multiple trial and error tests of this power, Yoda was able to extend her attack via the rings power. Once this compounded action took place on a full-scale attack, the Beast was left defenseless despite its great power. The explosion from this was so great that the white light extended outside of the planet’s atmosphere, being contained only by the White Power ring being wielded by the fifth dimensional Imp.

Once everything subsided and the event had finished, a calm came over the planet. The eruptions that once consumed the entire planet had stopped. The body of the Supreme Sorceress of Rossak lied dead next to the now dormant White Ring that once kept Yoda alive.

For the first time in ages, this planet knew peace. The calming silence filled the air with the possibility of a future, a future that only moment’s prior did not exist. The silence seemed to breathe new life into the world, a world that become alive once more with the footsteps of a man whose perseverance had not only given this place a future, but the chance at a new beginning.

THE END