Team Sleeping Pussy Vs. Griswold's Nut-busters

**The Team Sleeping Pussy Street Gang has taken over the once peaceful city by force. It is up to Griswold’s to bust their Nuts.

Team Sleeping Pussy is The Warriors: Cleon, Swan, Ajax, Fox, Rembrandt, Coshise, Vermin, Snom, and Cowboy, The Mad Max Crew: Nightrider, Toe-Cutter, Bubba, Johnny the Boy, Mudguts, and Cundalini, Sweep #1 and 2, The WILDCATS: Spartan, Voodoo, Grifter, Zealot, Warblade, Maul, Lord Emp, and Void, Blockbuster, Duncan McLeod, The Starjammers: Corsair Summers, Hepzibah, Raza, Longknife, Ch’od, and Cr’ ee, Sunfire, Fremen #31-40, Johnny Blaze, Western Ghost Rider, Black Cat, Cloak and Dagger, Blink, Victoria (w/ a red lightsaber), SHIELD Agent #3-6, Jonah Hex (w/ yellow lantern ring), Jubilee, Peacemaker, and Nightshade.

Griswold’s Nut-busters are Xenomorph #71-80, Onslaught, Slim and Red Dayspring (w/ shared green lantern ring), (Age of Apocalypse) Nightcrawler, (A of A) Blob), Evan Sabahnur, Jarvis (w/ green lantern ring), Pepper Potts (w/ rescue armor and star sapphire), Ras Al Ghul (w/ green lantern ring), Teneb Kel, maggot, Exl Kresh, Duncan Idaho Ghola #9, The Shining Force: Mini-Pipes, Livewire, The goddess of the Moon, Super-Hero, Cowboy Man, Bear, Stephanie, and P.C., The Super Jackin Power Slackers: The Black Slacker, The Even Blacker Slacker, The Colored Slacker, The Brown Slacker, The Dark Slacker, and The Damn Near Purple Slacker, Dark Side Adept Kyle Houslander, Dark Side Acolyte Zachary Houslander, matrix Agent #2, War Skrull #8, and Skrull #2.



SEGA

1991: All Rights Reserved.


STREETS OF RAGE: FURIOUS IRON FIST

Player Select:

Player 1: Fantomex
Player 2: Cluster

Round 1:

[Enter] Cleon, Swan, and Fox.

Swan: Ugh (that means they’re defeated (after much sprite flashing of course)).

[Enter] Rembrandt, Cochise, Ajax

Fox: Ugh

[Enter] Vermin, Snow, Cowboy.

SPECIAL ATTACK

[Enter] Xenomorph #71-80 (they take damage off of all Team SP characters, and then run off towards the boss; so we’ll just assume they go off to die…. Whateavs, it’s “THE PURGE”).

FIGHT

Cowboy: Ugh

Snow: Ugh

Coshise: Ugh

Cleon: Ugh

Rembrandt: Ugh

Ajax: Ugh

BOSS BATTLE

[Enter] Peacemaker

Peacemaker: Ugh.

ROUND 2

(Alright everybody, I acknowledge: either you played the video game before and this match seems kinda cute and entertaining; or you are totally lost and you think it is even more of a piece of garbage than it truly is (feel free to skip to the end, you people who do that (you know who you are (I won’t tell anybody)))).

[Enter] Hepzibah, Raza Longknife

[Enter] Corsair Summers

Raza: Ugh

[enter] Ch’ od, Cr’ ee

Hepzibah: Ugh

Fantomex: Ugh

PLAYER 1 GAME OVER

Corsair: Ugh

PLAYER 2 GAME OVER
CONTINUE

Player Select:

Player 1 Evan Sabahnur
Player 2 (A of A) Blob

ROUND 2

[Enter] Hepzibah, Raza Longknife

[Enter] Corsair Summers

Raza: Ugh

[enter] Ch’ od, Cr’ ee

Hepzibah: Ugh

SPECIAL ATTACK

[enter] Widget and G.W. Bridge

Corsair Summers: Ugh

Ch’ od: Ugh

Cr’ ee: Ugh

BOSS BATTLE

[ENTER] Duncan McLeod

Blob: Ugh

PLAYER 2 GAME OVER

Duncan McLeod: Ugh


ROUND 3

[enter] Blink
[enter] Blink

[enter] Blink

[enter] Blink

[enter] Blink

[enter] Blink

[enter] Blink

Evan Sabahnur: Ugh

PLAYER 1 GAME OVER

CONTINUE

Player Select

Player 1: Mini-Pipes
Player 2: Livewire
(I mean come on, these guys are based on the creators of The FFL, and The Shining Force Team plus they rule at video games (it’s a great pairing))

[enter] Blink
[enter] Blink

[enter] Blink

[enter] Blink

[enter] Blink

[enter] Blink

[enter] Blink

Mini-Pipes: Ugh

Player 1 Game Over

Livewire: Ugh

Player 2 Game Over

(fiercely grip controller)…Continue

Player Select

Player 1: Slim Dayspring

Player 2: Red Dayspring

[enter] Blink
[enter] Blink

[enter] Blink

[enter] Blink

[enter] Blink

[enter] Victoria

[enter] Blink

[enter] Blink

Victoria: Ugh

SPECIAL ATTACK

[enter] Batwing and Talon in Landmaster

Blink: Ugh

BOSS BATTLE

[ENTER] Cloak and Dagger

Cloak: Ugh

Red: Ugh

Player 1 Game Over

Dagger: Ugh


ROUND 4

[enter] Fremen #31-40

Slim: Ugh

Player 1 Game Over

CONTINUE

PLAYER SELECT

Player 1: goddess of The Moon

Player 2: Stephanie

“Friendly Fighting”

[enter] Fremen #31-40

goddess: Ugh

Player 1 Game Over

Stephanie: Ugh

Player 2 Game Over

CONITNUE

PLAYER SELECT

Player 1: Bear

Player 2: P.C.

[enter] Fremen #31-40

[enter] Western Ghost Rider

Bear: Ugh

Player 1 Game Over

P.C.: Ugh

Player 2 Game Over

CONTINUE

Player 1: Dark Side Adept Kyle Houslander

Player 2: Dark Side Acolyte Zachary Houslander

[enter] Fremen #31-40

[enter] Western Ghost Rider

[enter] Johnny Blaze

Fremen #31: Ugh

#32: Ugh

#33: Ugh

Zack: Ugh

Player 2 Game Over

#34: Ugh

Kyle: Ugh

Player 1 Game Over

CONTINUE

Player Select

Player 1: Cowboy Man

Player 2: Super-Hero

[enter] Fremen #31-40

[enter] Western Ghost Rider

[enter] Johnny Blaze

Cowboy Man: Ugh

Player 1 Game Over

Fremen #31: Ugh

#32: Ugh

Super-Hero: Ugh

Player 2 Game Over

CONTINUE

Player Select:

Player 1: Teneb Kel
Player 2: Maggot

[enter] Fremen #31-40

[enter] Western Ghost Rider

[enter] Johnny Blaze

Fremen #31: Ugh

#32: Ugh

#33: Ugh

#34: Ugh

Maggot: Ugh

Player 2 Game Over

Kel: Ugh

Player 1 Game Over

CONTINUE

{This similar scenario repeats for Players 1: Exal Kresh and Matrix Agent #2, and Players 2: Ras Al Ghul and Duncan Idaho Ghola #9}.

CONTINUE

Player Select:

Player 1: Onslaught
Player 2: The Super-Jackin Power Slacker (w/ Mystical Energy Broken .40 oz Bottle).

[enter] Fremen #31-40

[enter] Western Ghost Rider

[enter] Johnny Blaze

Fremen #31: Ugh

#32: Ugh

#33: Ugh

#34-40: Ugh, ugh, ugh, ugh…………

SPECIAL ATTACK

[Enter] Nova

Western Ghost Rider: Ugh

Johnny Blaze: Ugh

[enter] Black Cat

Black Cat: Ugh

BOSS BATTLE

[ENTER] Sunfire

Sunfire: Ugh

ROUND 5

[enter] Nightrider

[enter] Toe-Cutter

[enter] Bubba

Toe-Cutter: Ugh
[enter] Johnny the Boy

Bubba: Ugh

[enter] Mudguts

Johnny: Ugh

[enter] Cundalini

SPECIAL ATTACK

[Enter] Superman and Batman (actually War Skrull #8 and Skrull #2)

Cundalini: Ugh

Mudguts: Ugh

Nightrider: Ugh

(super big) BOSS BATTLE

[ENTER] Sweep #1 and 2

Sweep #2: Ugh

Sweep #1: Ugh

ROUND 6

[ENTER] Nightshade

[enter] SHIELD Agent #3-6

SHIELD Agent #5: Ugh

[enter] Jubilee

#3: Ugh

#4: Ugh

#6: Ugh

SPECIAL ATTACK (lantern edition)

[enter] G.L. 7177.6, Larvox, Star Sapphire #3.

Nightshade: Ugh

Jubilee: Ugh

BOSS BATTLE

[ENTER] (yellow lantern) Jonah Hex

Mighty Jackin Power Slacker: Ugh

Player 2 Game Over

Jonah Hex: Ugh:


ROUND 7

[enter] Spartan, Voodoo, Grifter

[enter] Zealot, Warblade, Maul

Voodoo: Ugh

[enter] Lord Emp, Void

Warblade: Ugh

Zealot: Ugh

Onslaught: Ugh

Player 1 Game Over

(FINAL) CONTINUE

Player Select:

Player 1: Doomsday
Player 2: (A of A) Nightcrawler

[enter] Spartan, Voodoo, Grifter

[enter] Zealot, Warblade, Maul

Voodoo: Ugh

[enter] Lord Emp, Void

(final) SPECIAL ATTACK

[Enter] Green Lantern Jarvis and Rescue Armored-Star Sapphire Pepper Potts

Void: Ugh

Lord Emp: Ugh

Zealot: Ugh

Warblade: Ugh

Maul: Ugh

Spartan: Ugh

Grifter: Ugh

BOSS BATTLE…….. (Wait a tic…. There is no boss battle in Round 7…. I was testing you. Jeez, am I the only one that has EVEN played this game (or am I just the only one still reading this match??))?

(final) ROUND 8

BOSS BATTLE

[ENTER] 9 DEATH BLOCKBUSTER

…………….
…………….
…………….

Nightcrawler: Ugh

………………
………………
……………….
…………………………………………………………..

Battle ends…………..

“Thank you Doomsday for destroying The Crime Syndicate, now we can live in peace again”…..

S8W4: Empire Vs. Horsemen

The Empire is: The Orphan, Grayson, Abe Sapien(8) w/star wand, Madman, Weirdwolf, Monzo, 4-LOM, Zuckuss, Revan, Catarine Towani(8) w/pokeball(Jiggypuff), Jeremitt Towani w/Laser sword, Gorax, Magius, Vigo the Carpathian, El Blanco, Karg(8) w/Indigo Lantern ring, Bill Kelly: Dark Jedi w/Blue lightsaber, Energy bow, and his trusty plumb hammer(9), Eugene "Butch" Aaron Griswold w/his trusty Estwing hammer(9), Mike Huckabee w/Green Lantern ring, Moltar, Sy-Klone, Leetch, Ninjor, Forrest Gump w/Proton pack and zapper, Zombie Nick Houslander w/Yellow Lantern ring, Teddy Tear(8) w/Yellow Lantern ring, Predator #50 w/Green lightsaber, Christopher Robin w/2 green lightsabers, Cybertronian Guardian #8, Kid Gladiator, Movie Wheeljack(Que), Riik #2, Ballistic, Sith Lord #15, and Snow Troopers #1-9.

The Horsemen of Apokolips are: Eson the Seeker, Professor X, Cyclops, Phoenix Jean Grey, Iceman, Archangel, Beast, Scarlet Witch, Hope Summers, Dazzler, Gene Simmons, Paul Staley, Ace Freley, Peter Criss, Deathstroke wLuke's lightsaber, Witch King of Angmar, Zuul w/spirit of Gozer, Vince Cortho, Dalton, Wade Garrett, Miho w/Plo Koon's blue lightsaber and green lightsaber, Sea-man, Gipsy Danger(Pilots: Raleigh Becket and Mako Mori), Striker Eureka(Herc Hanson and Chuck Hanson), Coyote Tango(Stacker Pentecost and Tasmin Sevier), Cherno Alpha(Sasha and Aleksis Kaldonovsky), Crimson Typhoon(Chun, Jin, and Hu Wei), Romeo Blue(Bruce and Trevin Gage), Horse #41(9)+42(9), Antreides Soldier #1-6(9 each), and Blue Tech Guy #1+2

SEGA!

We're on The Streets of Rage, and if you're not down with this mess, you're at the wrong address! Ain't no BSing here, these combatants are getting down and dirty because street fighting is back on the menu, boys! Most are fighting in the center of the city, but The Horsemen have a few notable exceptions standing on the sidelines for now. Their Jaegers are gathered on the edge of the city, fearful that they might step on their own teammates involved in the kerfluffle. On the opposite side of the metropolis, Eson the Seeker stands alone. He is unable to decide if this battle has any cosmic significance, so he waits.

Deathstroke and Miho have teamed up and are spinning their lightsabers in hopes of decapitating The Orphan and Grayson. Fortunately, The Empire's boys know a thing or two about combat, and their agility is keeping the energy blades at bay. Star Wars bounty hunters Zuckess and 4-LOM are not quite as lucky against their opponents Dalton and Wade Garrett. The Roadhouse bouncers are delivering Roadhouse roundhouses (say that 5 times fast!), and are pummeling the competition. Even with her backup band KISS, Dazzler is still having trouble with the extremely durable Kid Gladiator and the Tremors beast El Blanco. Scarlet Witch is trying to even the odds with a hex or two, but the Kid's laughter is indicates trouble for the mutants (or are they Inhumans now? Stupid movie rights.) Hope Summers is weezing some of Jean Grey's Phoenix Force, which is bad news for her attackers Sy-Klone, Leetch, and Ninjor.

On the supernatural side of things Zuul and Vince Cortho are doing their best to resurrect the Spirit of Gozer, but Vigo the Carpathian has something to say about that. Meanwhile, the Witch King of Angmar is disappointed by the Horsemens' selection of transportation. He sees Horse #41 and 42 and kills them, using their spirits to make one evil ghastly steed. He hops atop his new mount to start his own personal massacre of any foolish enough to be in his way.

The Empire's wizard Magius crafts a spell to make Ryan's creature Sea-Man disappear, saving us all from the horrific description of the character. Magius notices teammates Bill Kelly: Dark Jedi and Aaron Griswold sitting on a nearby curb together cracking beers.

"Why doth these warriors shy away from the glorious battle at hand?" questions Magius.

"Hey man, we're both on our last deaths, so if you don't mind, we're going to enjoy what little time we have left." answers Aaron.

"Yeah, it's not like we're going to do much out there. Maybe if we're lucky, we'll get stomped by a Jaeger." agrees Bill Kelly.

"Perhaps, perhaps not." says Magius with a smile.

He uses the last of his lifeforce to create a spell of empowerment to aid his teammates. As the wizard dissipates, Aaron and Bills' respective hammers begin to glow. They feel themselves energized by the hammers, each now equal in power to the mighty Thor.

"Now that's what I'm talkin about! I guess the old man wanted to give us a proper send off!" says Aaron Griswold.

"Shall we?" inquires Bill.

The two fly off to confront the still stationary Horsemen Jaegers. They easily avoid the flailing of giant mech limbs, and throw their hammers at Cherno Alpha. The Jaeger and it's pilots are destroyed as the now mystic hammers return to their owners. Aaron and Bill each raise the hammers skyward, and a massive lightning bolt strikes Crimson Typhoon, frying the mech and those inside.

"Wooooo! How you bitches like me now?" asks Aaron with a grin.

The answer is "not very much", as Coyote Tango and Romeo Blue get their wits together in time to finally stomp Aaron and Bill, just like Bill had foreseen earlier.

Professor X and his core team of X-Men are acting like they have been training together forever (Who knew?). Moltar is getting punished by optic blasts, and GL Mike Huckabee cannot deny that his personal climate is changing via Iceman. Archangel and the Beast are practicing the tried and true "set em up, knock em down" method, counting Catarine and Jeremitt Towani and the Gorax among their successes. Phoenix Jean Grey is currently shielding herself and Professor X, so that Xavier can mide wipe the ever dangerous Forrest Gump before he does something stupid, yet historic. Christopher Robin is the next to go, and the telepathic whammy cuts his strings like a puppet. Xavier is intrigued by very odd thoughts while scanning for another victim, and focuses on a specific being out of sheer curiousity.

The Empire's Madman is leaping through the melee, giving the occasional smack with his trademark yo-yo. He's obviously not doing any damage, but he is clearing his path. He doesn't know why, but he feels compelled to confront Eson the Seeker. He arrives at his destination, and is in awe of the towering Celestial.

"Hellooooo up there!" shouts Madman.

He is met with no response.

"Why am I here? Why was I drawn to you? Are we connected somehow?" asks Madman, but again, there is no reply.

"Fine, have it your way, I guess I'll just have to right some other cosmic injustice... Doo doo doo, just walking away now... Bye... adios... aufweidersehen..." says Madman. He takes a couple steps, but quickly turns around and gives The Celestial a kick in his giant foot. This physical connection activates Madman's inate, yet unpredictable psychic abilities, and he sees the universe through the eyes of Eson. Normally, this would drive one insane, so I guess he's lucky that he's already mad, man. It takes a minute, but the cosmic information is eventually sorted out.

"So you are a seeker, not only of locations, but of knowledge as well? You... want something?" asks Madman.

Eson moves his head slightly to look at the battle that is still raging in the middle of the city.

"You... want to fight... with your fists?" continues Madman, piecing together The Celestial's thoughts. "It looks... fun... to you? Wow, you must be pretty bored if getting punched in the face seems like a good time." observes Madman. "If that's what you want, I can help you! This must be in the best interest of the cosmos, I think... Anyway, no time to think this through, just shrink down to my size, and I'll let you in a secret or two." advises Madman.

Eson easily manipulates his energy to comply with the request.

"Good. Now check it out. What these guys don't know is that we're not even technically real, right now we're just a simulation on a video game. An old school beat em up, in fact. So all you really have to do to kick ass is spam the attack button, and it's combo city! Watch!" says Madman while he punches and kicks the air.

Eson is unfamiliar with the working of something as cosmically insignificant as a SEGA Genesis controller, so he simply jumps aimlessly in place.

"Ok, nice try, but that is the jump button. It's the other one, bro." explains Madman.

Eson releases an incredibly powerful ball of energy into the center of the battlefield, exterminating the remaining combatants outside of The Phoenix and a couple of Jaegers.

"Holy sh*t!!! That's your special attack button! DO NOT do that again! On the brightside, that means there's only one button left. You can do this!" encourages Madman.

Finally, Eson throws his fists, followed by a straight kick to the air in front of him.

"Yes! Now you've got it! Whoa... my cosmic sense is tingling. Somehow, I think we just saved the universe... I think? Ah, screw it, high five big man!" says Madman, extending his palm.

Eson looks at the hand quizzically before raising his own hand for the high five. Said cosmic high five vaporizes Madman.

And that is the story of the unlikely Empire/Horsemen team up that righted the universe. My job is done here.

Wait, what do you mean "They didn't save the universe."? Are you kidding me? Those random commons that Eson blew up were doing something so disturbing, that if it were even transcribed by me, you'd all be dead. Something so horrific, that if I did anything more than acknowledge their presence, your brains would melt and pour out your ears. That goes for anybody else I didn't mention, too. Scary stuff, fellas. You're welcome.

S8W4: The Royal Highness vs Fighting Murderflies

The Royal Highness is: Yoda, The Blue Marvel, The Flash (Barry Allen), Batman, Robin (Jason Todd) (w/ Blue Lightsaber), Alfred Pennyworth, Commissioner Gordon, Batman Beyond, Elderly Bruce Wayne, Elderly Bruce Wayne’s Dog, Dr. Doom, Steel Doomsday (8 deaths), Robocop, Overlord, Sunstreaker, Sideswipe, The Possessor, The Punisher, Microchip, G-Girl, Detective Christian Walker, Detective Deena Pilgrim, Booker and Elisabeth Dewitt, Finn (scared black stormtrooper from Episode 7), Xenomorph #56-60, Dark Jedi Master #7A-10A, Dave Thomas, Paula Dean, Jedi Master #37 (9 deaths), Jedi Master #38 (8 deaths).

Brock Sampson’s Fighting Murderflies are:* Some Kaiju from Pacific Rim: (Tresspasser, Onibaba, Yamarash, Knifehead, Mutavore, Leatherback, Otachi, Raiju, Scunner, Slattern) The Energizer Bunny, The Wu-Tang Clan: (Rakwon, Gza, Rza, Inspectah Deck, Method Man, U-God, Cappadonna, Ghost Face Killah, Masta Killa, Ol Dirty Bastard), The SOA Guys:(Spike, Piermont “Piney” Winston, Quinn, Clarence “Clay” Morrow, Jury, Seamus Ryan, Jackson “Jax” Teller, Neeldes, Alexander “Tig” Trager, Kozik, Robert “Bobby Elvis” Munson, Happy, “Big” Otto Delaney, Lenny “The Pimp” Jonowitz, Juan Carlos “Juice” Ortiz, Filip “Chips” Telford, Harry “Opie” Winston)

*Watcher note:  If any of the Murderfly characters do not make sense, it is because the team was not submitted in the FFL approved format.  It was sent across 10 fragmented text messages and I have done my best to try and organize the mess.  He will be punished.

“You ready for this?” Says an enthusiastic Jedi Master #38.

“For what?” Jedi Master #37 snaps back at his friend.  “To die in a building explosion? Or to catch a bullet for Yoda?  Or maybe this time we will have a car dropped on our head!”

38 sits down next to his pal.  “We are on our last death this week.  Don’t worry, the watchers always write 9 deathers awesome.”

“Dude, we are commons.  We never get written ‘awesome’.” 37 says making airquotes with his fingers. “You can run out and be a hero today if you want.  Have fun getting stomped on by a Kaiju.  But me, I’ll be hiding.”

True to his word, the moment the match begins, 37 takes off running behind one of the buildings here in the streets of rage.  The action on the street is fast and furious.  The Sons of Anarchy guys come rumbling down the street with the Wu-tang clan riding on the backs of their motorcycles.  Bullets are flying everywhere. 38 is able to cut down a couple and also watches a few Xenomorphs get hit. Alfred dies as well as he was unsuccessful in shielding himself from the barrage of bullets with his sterling silver serving tray.  Paula Dean lays face down with the back of her head shot open, her brains splattered on the sidewalk like big globs of buttah.

After making somewhat quick work in the battle on the street.  The Highness hears the real threat from the Murderflies squad.  All 10 kaiju begin to march toward the huddled Highness.  Both Batman and Onslaught lead the charge with Steel Doomsday and most of the rest.  Incapable of flight, 38 looks back toward the alley and thinks for a second about what it would be like to actually survive a week.  To come back to the locker room victorious instead of being blown or burnt to bits.

37 ignites his lightsaber in shock as the lid to the dumpster he is hiding in is thrown open.  38 is scared for a second but is happy to see his buddy.  “Found your wits I see.” says 37 holstering his lightsaber again and going back to playing on his phone.

“I suppose,” 38 says as he lowers himself into the dumpster.  “I kinda feel guilty about hiding out while the rest of our team is out there fighting and dying.  I mean, you should have seen the size of those things they were fighting!”

“Don’t sweat it dude.  I told you, we are commons, no one cares about us and we won’t make a difference.  Just sit down and make yourself comfy.  Also, my name is Dwel.” says 37

“Dagon,” says 38 shaking hands and sitting down.  “Kinda smells in here…” he continues after a few seconds of awkward silence.

“Its a dumpster, Dagon.” says Dwel.  

The blood curdling screams of the battle can be heard outside.  Dagon can only sit in guilt and try to make small talk.  “So, you playing a game on that thing?” he asks.

“Naw, I’m on FFL Craigslist.  I’m trying to find out if my wife and kid are still alive but some bonehead keeps flagging my posts.”  Dwel says.  He pauses and goes on, “I think Bill Doer got them off the playoff planet before the Universe Bowl last year but I don’t know for sure.”

“Yeah,” says Dagon, “we lost a lot of commons that day.”

“See, that’s my point.” Dwel says annoyed.  “We are just commons.  We each have names and families and stories, but who would know that?  Nobody because we are never written about.  Why?  because there isn’t a story about us! Who cares about ONE common when there is 50 or a hundred others just like us in the league?”

“Wasn’t there a charity that was trying to find homes and jobs for commons?  It started back in year one or two I think.”

“Ha!” laughs Dwel.  “You mean Heros Without Homes?  That was a shell company for a bunch of illegal FFL activities.  I’m pretty sure the Commandos were behind it.”

“And probably the Horsemen!” says Dagon as they both laugh.

A huge crash is heard outside and they both turn toward the noise.  “Probably just us winning!” says Dwel and they both laugh even harder. He goes on, “So what’s your story?”

“Hmm. Where do I begin?” Dagon says.  “I was on the Season One draft sheet along with you and 598 other people.  After that, I pretty much sat in the locker room.  Got the occasional call up for the big week.  You know how it is, roster filler get blown up in a big explosion, blah blah blah.  But I did get my bachelor’s degree back in season 5.”

“Well that’s cool dude,” says Dwel. “Imperial Academy I assume.”

“No, University of Phoenix” Dagon says pulling up his pant leg to show off his red socks.

“You know what, I think we could work together dude.  We can rally all the commons to start putting some pressure on their owners to have the watchers dig into our backstories.  I think the people who read these matches really want to hear about us! They want to know that we are real people, not bullet catchers!”  Dwel is excited now.  He stops for a second and hears talking outside and a steady drum beat.

Outside on the street, the Energizer Bunny is the last remaining Murderflies character.  The remaining Highness members have all regrouped, exhausted in the street and start to laugh at the pink rabbit doing spins in the street.  “I got this.” says Batman.  He picks up the Energizer Bunny and straps a small grenade to its back and throws it down the alley and into an open dumpster.

“TWO POINTS!” he yells as the dumpster explodes and the bodies of their Jedi teammates land in the road.

“Nice one dude, you killed two of our own guys!” says Steel Doomsday, dripping in Kaiju blood.

“I didn’t know they were in there!” Says Batman.

“Don’t worry about it,” says Yoda standing over their corpses.  “Just a couple of commons.”

Week 4: Consortium Match

Beckerman's Backyardigan's: Beeyatches Vs. Billy Ray's Skank Daughter and "You're Damn Right I used Public Email" President Barack Obama's: "Best of Both Worlds" Touring Battalion of Commandos.

Beckerman's Backyardigans: Beeyatches are:
-Predator #14, 36-41
-Terminator #28-33
-Phazeron
-Predator X #6-10
-Joey Fatone
-Wizard #1-5
-Orc #15-18
-Velociraptor #1-4 (#1 has Dino-Rider Equipment B).
-T-Rex #19-20
-Fremen #51-54
-Elven Soldier #11-12
-Xenomorph #81-84


Commandos are:
-The Question (w/ Atrocitus' Red Lantern Ring).
-Sin Eater
-Jared Nomack (w/ Despotellis' Yellow Lantern Ring) (9 deaths)
-The Deluxe Insecticons:
-Venom (9 deaths).
-Ransack (9 deaths).
-Barrage (9 deaths).
-Chop Shop (9 deaths).
-Dr. Alan Grant (w/ green lantern ring) (8 deaths).
-Dr. Ellie Sattler (w/ blue lantern ring).
-Duke (w/ green lantern ring) (8 deaths).
-Danger Mouse (w/ red lantern ring).
-Ernest Penfold (w/ red lantern ring).
-Jax (w/ yellow lantern ring) (9 deaths).
-Joan Jett (w/ Indigo Lantern Ring).
-Shake It Up Crew:
-Cecelia "CeCe" Jones (Bella Thorn).
-Raquel "Rocky" Oprah Blue (Zendaya).
-Flynn Jones (Davis Cleveland).
-Deuce Martinez (Adam Irigoyan).
-Gunther Hessenheffer (Kenton Duty)).
-Tinka Hessenheffer (Caroline Sunshine).
-Gungan Soldier #14 (8 deaths).
-Gungan Soldier #15-48.
-Red Dragon #1-6
-Bronze Dragon #1-6
-Pink Muscle Man #1-5
-Sgt. Malt and Sgt. Hop
-Mac and Blue
-Cheese


In an unanimous vote of 5 to 0,

MILEY AND BARACK'S "BEST OF BOTH WORLDS" TOURING BATTALION OF COMMANDOS ARE VICTORIOUS!!

Season 8 Week 3: B3 vs The Real Men

The Real Men are:

Black Lantern Sunstorm

Slugslinger

Caliburst

Trigger Happy

Blow Pipe

Condor-Silverhawks

Imperial Shuttle with-

Ice Man - Top Gun

Slider - Top Gun

Dr No

Ernst Blofeld

Donald "red" Grant

Francisco Scaramango

Major William Lennox

Chief Master Sargeant Robert Epps

ACWO Jorge Figeroa

1st Sgt Donnely

Gree

Ben Quadrineros

Zooti Frugan

Robonino

Pac Man

Ms Pac Man

Baby Pac Man

Glados

Michael Tank Ellis

Cp Jennifer Pilot Chase

The Burger King

Bill Cosby

Jeb Bush

Nancy Pelosi

Metallica: Hetfield, Ulrich, Hammet, Newsted

Megadeth: Mustane, Friedman, Ellefson, Menza

Hammer Bros. 17-22

Rebel Trooper 1

Predator 45

Neo-Cymek 20

Beckermans Backyardigans Beeeeeeeeyatches are:

General Zod

Firestorm (Jason Rusch)

White Lantern Kyle Rayner

Yellow Lantern 2

Red Lantern Hal Jordan

Vampire Kilowog

Razor

Aya

Black Order: Proxima Midnight

Black Order: Black Dwarf

Black Order: Ebony Maw

Black Order: Supergiant

Black Order: Corvus Glaive

Black Lantern Circuit Breaker

Molar: Eternian Dentist

Black Lantern Ben Kenobi

Dr. Evil

Mini Me

#2

Space…. The final… you know what who are we kidding, this is insane. 

Why are we doing this?  We’re just slamming huge lists of heroes and villains together like some kind of mentally challenged toddler trying to make Barbie “do it” with Cobra Commander.. Even though it makes NO sense… I mean just on a biological level…  that chick’s huge and I’m pretty sure Cobra Commander’s junk doesn’t work in the first place or else he’d probably have let the whole GI Joe grudge go a while ago? 

How many weather dominators does a guy with a working dork make before he realizes he’s wasting his life you know?

Don’t even get me started on the whole snake motif being a surrogate for his non-functioning…. 

Ya know what?  Nevermind… I remember why we’re doing this. 

So Ahem… starting over:

Space… 

It’s big.  It’s … empty.  It provides basically no backdrop at all.  No landmarks. No interesting terrain features… hell no “terrain” features in the first place… it’s just big and empty and black… like the mind of our Presid... *record scratch* (sorry about that folks… I paid Chris Christie to ghost write this thing... and clearly it’s not going to work out… we’ll now return to our regularly scheduled program…)

Space….

Space Right? How does that work? Is everything super clean because it’s vacuumed all the time? 

How do you tell which way is north when there’s no magnetic pole to tell you?    Hell how do you remember which way is even up once you’re out in the black…

Which is exactly the problem the Real Men are facing… they’re mostly crammed into an imperial shuttle…  Sending space capable scouts out through the airlock to try and locate something… anything… to lead them to somewhere. They mistakenly installed GladOS over top of the shuttles Nav computer and there isn’t a droid in sight that can tell them which way is which out here…

It’s not like you can just point at a star and “go that way”   those things are millions of light-years apart, and if you’re off by an inch you’re off by a lifetime on the other end…  

So there they are… the top gun guys… the guys from  Transformers... Megadeth and Metallica are having a “pretentious off” in the background talking (ok yell/whining really) about which band is more metal…  The burger king is… where did he go? 

JESUS CHRIST he’s right behind me isn’t he!?….

Creepy bastard… ok moving on…

Lots of noise and chatter all comes abruptly to a halt when the imperial shuttle is opened like a sardine can by Firestorm and Black Lantern Kenobi… 

The entire Real Men squad is decimated in an instant leaving only Black Lantern Sunstorm, Slugslinger, Caliburst, Trigger Happy, Blow Pipe and Condor alive. 

The Cybertronian Alloys that transformers are made of turns out just to be an unusual combination of common earth metals… Giant robots are immediately turned into sheet aluminum and torn to shreds by Red Lantern Hal Jordan.

Sunstorm and Condor square off bravely against the entirety of B3 to no avail… Condor is drained of his blood by Vampire Kilowog… Sunstorm and Firestorm square off but Sunstorm can barely keep up with Firestorm let alone handle him and the rest of B3.  

Ultimately Sunstorm is simply crushed to death by the combined might of the Black Order.

All of the Real Men have been destroyed… with the exception of GladOS who is still installed in the ships computer… spiraling off into space in a cloud of sparking debris.

Season 8, Week 3: The Royal Highness vs. TEAM

The Royal Highness is: Mogo, q (but not the Q), The Astronomer, The Ideon, Mr. Fantastic(w/ Ultimate Nullifier) in a Z-95 Headhunter equipped with R-2 Unit #11, Invisible Woman in an Arwing, Human Torch in a Colonial Viper, The Thing in a Rockwell X-30, Queen Xenomorph #1, Astro Boy, Jedi Master #40, Marvin the Martian, Colonel Sanders(w/ Star Wand shaped bong), Major Nelson(w/ Devil Lance), Jeannie(w/Demon Rod), Horse #5, Horses #7-11, Navy SEAL Chief #11, and Navy Seals #33-35.

TEAM is: Leader-1, Cop-Tur, Chromedome, Stylor, Apeface, Spasma, Blaster, Rewind, Eject, Steeljaw, Ramhorn, Rain Dance, Grand Slam, Mr. Spock, Mother Brain, Krang, The Incredibles (Mr. Incredible, Elasti-Girl, Violet, Dash, and Jack Jack) in a Federation Shuttlecraft, Mega Man X, Elec Man, Flash Man, Coleman Trebor, Blake Stone, Chronos, Billy Mitchell(w/ Laser Sword and Laser Gun), Steve Sanders(w/Pokeball), Mr. Awesome(w/ Starwand), Jedi Knight #38B, Jedi Knight #40B, Jedi Councilman #2, Zombie Jedi Knight #36, and Vampires #11-20.

TEAM and most of The Royal Highness found themselves in absolute darkness. Billy Mitchell regained his sight as a billion points of light flooded his vision, distant stars filling the void in which he awoke. Though he could see nothing but empty space around him, his feet felt solid ground and he began to walk. Soon he found a man standing in wait for him, an individual of the Q-Continuum. "Billy Mitchell, expert gamer. Glad I got you here in one piece" he greeted. "Yeah, I guess. You're with the Highness, right? Where's everybody else, where are we?" Q gestured to his sides and several new lights entered the space, the glowing screens of hundreds of game cabinets. "Your personal heaven, no doubt. Welcome to the Grand Cosmic Arcade. Every video game of every planet can be found here, but the stakes are a little higher than usual. I thought since we were lined up for Section Z this week this would be the best place to play it. Need tokens?" He extended a hand full of shining gold coins and dropped them in Mitchell's open palms. He looked the coins over and saw they were engraved with the faces of several of his allies. "Alright, what's the deal? Why the coins, why are only some of my teammates on them?" Between them, a pair of back-to-back Section Z cabinets rose smoothly from the imperceptible ground. "Extra lives, of course. The allies you have are available for play any time, the others are scripted in. As a final catch, your job is to stop me from clearing the game, playing as the defending enemies. Any questions?" Mitchell cracked his knuckles and took hold of one of the several joysticks on the complexly modified cabinet. "I think I can figure it out as I go." They tapped the "P1" buttons on their respective consoles and the game began.

Jedi Master #40 was the first to enter play. Equipped with an in-game jetpack he sidescrolled his way along in the first level. In response Mitchell opened with Vampires #11-20, arriving from the other side of the screen. Q was making the most of his 9-death resource and mowed down the wave of vampires. The next encounter was with TEAM's own Jedi forces. Zombie Jedi Knight #36 was a slow and easy target, but Jedi Councilman #2 was more skilled and destroyed Q's first character. "Oh, did I lose one? Pity." He dropped two tokens in and Major Nelson appeared flying alongside Jeannie, equipped with Shining Force armaments. Though not much of fighters inherently, Major's wish was to kick some serious ass this match and Jeannie didn't disappoint. They bashed the Jedi defenders out and moved onward until they had reached Section E largely unchallenged by the game's default enemies. Billy was doing what he could to conserve ally tokens, knowing managing these resources could make all the difference, but Q was making progress and something had to be done. Conveniently, as the Section neared completion, the word "miniboss" began to blink on the screens and a Federation Shuttlecraft piloted by Mr. Spock appeared, opening to drop off he Incredibles into play. Immediately Elasti-Girl ensnared Jeannie and broke her neck, leaving Major Nelson without the badassery granted by his wish. Underpowered, he was overwhelmed by Mr. Incredible's super-strength. "Don't worry, I came prepared" Q said as he sent in a new squad.

The Fantastic Four arrived in their team's spacecrafts, opening fire with the three that could. Violet was quick with a forcefield and deflected their fire, but she could only maintain the shield for a brief time and soon they were forced to take the offensive. Mr Incredible leapt on to the back of the Z-95 and tore open the cockpit hatch, flinging Mr. Incredible into the open. In response The Thing burst out of his Rockwell X-30 to take on Incredible toe-to-toe, knocking him away from Mr. Fantastic. Elasti-Girl filled her husband's place and began to tangle, pun fully intended, with the equally elastic scientist. He was an equal match physically but far superior intellectually, and in short time he had her tied in knots and incapacitated. When he was finished, he saw that his team was nowhere near as well-off. The Thing's resilience had ceased to hold up against Incredible's brute strength, and with the most durable opponent gone Mr. Incredible was free to assist his family. Invisible Woman and Violet were nowhere to be seen, and Dash trying to evade Human Torch with Jack-Jack. Fast as he normally was, he was relying on jetpack speed alone and couldn't escape Human Torch's flight. He was tackled and caught, and as the heat cooked him alive, Jack-Jack's physiology responded differently and he transformed to a body of liquid nitrogen. Both he and Storm erupted as the elements combined, destroying both. It became clear that Invisible Woman was caught in the blast when she regained visibility after losing half of her flesh. Reed Richards was now alone against his foes, and they surrounded him and tugged at his rubbery limbs in a bid to tear them off. With his last effort he stretched a hand into his pocket and produced the Ultimate Nullifier. "Not this time, you bobble-headed knockoffs" he said as he activated the weapon, destroying his foes and himself in the process. "How Pyrrhic. Not what I was expecting, Billy Mitchell, I'll give you that much. I'd better make the rest of them count."

Token by token, their game rolled on, and Q continually thwarted his opponent's defenses. Colonel Sanders swapped his starwand bong for Mr. Awesome's starwand, and Mr. Awesome died of a deadly marijuana overdose. Steve Sanders and his Pokeball opposed Colonel Sanders and his newfound Starwand, but the pokemon that emerged was an Electrode, self-destructing and killing both Sanders' present. The combined forces of Go-Bots and Transformers nearly had The Ideon defeated in their fight on Mogo, but the Ideon's Black Hole Cannon cleared the field at the cost of its planetary ally. Combining his might with Astro Boy, they made easy work of the Mega Man series trio in Section T, and utterly crushed Krang, Coleman Trebor, and Blake Stone in Section Y. Finally in Section Z, victory seemed imminent for The Highness. Astro Boy cracked open Mother Brain's jar, and though she tried to fire an eye beam at the powerful robots opposing her, the attack didn't connect and the Ideon slashed through her, ending the battle. "Well, looks like that's it. I've won. We've won! Guess you'll be off to the woodchipper." As The Ideon began moving to the battle's exit behind Mother Brain's remains, Mitchell wordlessly presented a single remaining token to Q, quickly dropping it in to the slot. Suddenly, all motion on the screen stopped as Chronos entered play. Mother Brain alone began to rewind, coming back together and finally stopping at the climax of her beam's charge. Expended, Chronos left play and time resumed. Once again the beam tore the screen apart, doing the same to the Ideon in its path. Impatiently Q drummed his fingers on the joystick. "Alright, fine. Bonus level, let's go all-in." He jammed the last of his tokens in and his remaining teammates joined the final fray. Bullets, lasers, and horses flew from all directions, the sharp sound of cracking glass was heard, and...

Season 8, Week 3 Match: The Empire vs. Traveling Sisterhood of Evil Midgets

“So it's gonna be forever,
Or it's gonna go down in flames;
You can tell me when it's over,
If the high was worth the pain.”

                                    “Blank Space,” Taylor Swift

I look upon the teams which will do battle in this Season 8, Week 3 Match located in the Section Z gaming area.  They are as follows:

The Empire: Darth Vegetariano, Darth Barren, Bill O’Reilly with zapper and proton pack, Mike Huckabee with green lantern ring, Bill Kelly Dark Jedi Master with blue lightsaber, energy bow and arrow and plumb hammer, Eugene “Butch” Aaron Griswold with trusty estwing hammer, Sorceress of Castle Grey Skull with indigo lantern ring, Magius, Justice Force: Ananda with two green lightsabers, Justice Force: Nobody with green lightsaber, Justice Force: Green Mantle with yellow lantern ring, Justice Force: Boomerang, El Blanco, Catarine Towani with pokeball jigglypuff, Jeremitt Towani with laser sword, Mace Towani with laser gun, Cindel Towani with star wand, Eomer, Abe Sapien, Gorax, Kon-Shisho, Judo-Shisho, Chikara-Shisho, Hisomi Shisho, The Revanchist, Chris Benoit with bottle of Xanax, Saurod, Teddy Tear, Jedi Masters 28A-31A and Ninjas 5-10.

Traveling Sisterhood of Evil Midgets: Amanita, Gk’d, Tri-Eye, Bleez, Green Lantern 3, Mouse Voltron, Adi Gallia with blue lantern ring, Even Piel with green lantern ring, Zufa Cenva with white lantern ring in Pre-Guild Foldspace ship, Nazgul 9 with indigo lantern ring on Nazgul 9 Mordor horse, Queen Aga’Po, Wicked Witch of East with Larfleeze’s orange lantern ring, Black Lantern Matt Oblak, Black Lantern Teresa Oblak, Air Zonk, Power Dump, Astra, Sky Lynx: Dino bird and lynx, Star Wolf with laser sword, laser gun and pokeball in Z-95 Headhunter with R2 unit 4, Bizarro Mxyzpltk, Air Zimmell, Jedi Masters 42-49 and Starship Troopers 96-97 in Pre-Guild Foldspace ship. 

Let the battle begin. . .

Section A. . .

Chris Benoit sits huddled in a corner of the piping with his bottle of Xanax.

Section C. . .

Air Zimmell floats through the scrolling tunnels.  Air Zimmell hears a guttural laugh echo in the area surrounding him. 

Saurod:  I have tracked you my friend.  There is no escape from this Evil Warrior! 

Air Zimmell locates the area from which Saurod’s voice emanates and speeds away from the lizard man.  What Air Zimmel fails to realize is that Saurod’s plan has worked.  Air Zimmel flies into Section D where the Gorax waits.  The Endor monster grabs Air Zimmell and pulls his arms apart from his sockets.  The beast smacks Zimmell with his own appendages, crushing his skull.  The Gorax howls.  

Section K. . .

Catarine Towani, Jeremitt Towani, Mace Towani and Cindel Towani face Black Lanterns Matt and Teresa Oblak.  Jeremitt lunges with his laser sword at BL Matt Oblak, but fails to slice the ring of the undead’s finger.  As Jeremitt Towani flails by,  Matt rips the heart out of his chest.  BL Matt sinks his teeth into Jeremitt Towani’s still beating heart, blood gushing down his smiling face.  Mace reacts to his father’s death and releases a well placed laser bolt from his gun, blasting off the finger of BL Matt Oblak, who shrivels into dust.

BL Teresa Oblak: My love!

BL Teresa Oblak savagely reacts at the death of her love and kills Catarine Towani before she can use the Jigglypuff pokeball.  The black lantern then turns to the young Cindel Towani, who anxiously points a star wand at Teresa.  Mace throws himself between the black lantern and his sister to no avail as BL Teresa batters the young man away.  Before BL Teresa can finish the Towani girl, she is killed by the Revanchist.  The Revanchist looks down at the orphaned Towanis and takes both Mace and Cindel into his arms.

Section S. . .

Section S hears screeches as a huge “cat” fight is on hand.  The Sorceress of Castle Grey Skull wields her indigo lantern ring against the combined Midget madams of mayhem - Queen Aga’Po, the Wicked Witch of the East and Zufa Cenva, who jumped from her spot on the Pre-Guild Foldspace Ship.  Queen Aga’Po shoots a variety of projectiles at the Sorceress of Castle Grey Skull, who batters them away with her powers.  The Sorceress then deflects a spell cast by the Wicked Witch of the East at a large pipe above the Ozian.  The pipe crashes down on the Witch, who fails to use Larfleeze’s ring in time, crushing her beneath it.  The combined efforts of Cenva and Aga’Po are too much for the Sorceress from Grey Skull who eventually succumbs to her fate, notwithstanding her indigo lantern ring. 

Section A. . .

Chris Benoit remains huddled in the corner with his bottle of Xanax.

Section U. . .

The Pre-Guild Foldspace ship docks with Section U of the battle arena.  Darth Vegetariano, Darth Barren and Bill Kelly - Dark Jedi Master await for the inhabitants to empty from the ship and into the fold.  Bill Kelly deflects Starship Troopers 96 and 97’s bolts with his blue lightsaber back at the space marines, who are sent to the Graveyard.  Bill then uses his energy bow and arrows against Jedi Masters 42-49, who easily deflect the projectiles.  Next, Bill throws his plumb hammer, striking Jedi Master 43, killing her instantly.  Kelly then combines forces with Vegetariano and Barren, killing the remaining Jedi Masters 42, 44-49.  Although his fighting skills are legendary, Kelly is sliced in half by the superior style of Piel’s lightsaber tactics and green lantern ring.  Barren is killed by Adia Gallia, but Gallia falls to Vegetariano.  Just before Piel himself is destroyed by Vegetariano, the Jedi Master is whisked off to safety by Green Lantern 3.

Section N. . .

Jedi Masters 28A-31A and Ninjas 5-10 join Eomer, Eugene “Butch” Aaron Griswold and Abe Sapien as the cavalcade swarms Amanita, Gk’d, Tri-Eye and Bleez.  Jedi Masters 28A-31A focus on Gk’d, who is pushed back into a tube.  A huge belch is heard and the ugly head of El Blanco shows itself, spitting out a green lantern uniform and ring. Tri-Eye and Bleez focus their ring powers against El Blanco and crush the worm within its lair.  A deafening screech is heard as Nazgul 9 rides his Mordor horse into battle, both encased in the protective shield of the indigo lantern ring.  The Midgets’ ring powers overwhelm the Empire’s forces.   Eomer is killed by Tri-Eye. Abe Sapien is killed by Bleez. Griswold strikes Horse 9’s leg with his hammer, but is stomped on by the remaining hoof, disorienting the man, who is then skewered by Nazgul 9.   Jedi Masters 28A-31A and Ninjas 5-10 retreat into another section of the piping system.

Section P. . .

Bill O’Reilly and Mike Huckabee both stand together, facing Astra, Air Zonk and Power Dump.  Bill O’Reilly immediately focuses on Air Zonk with his zapper and just barely misses the robotic hybrid.  Meanwhile, Mike Huckabee uses his green lantern ring to shield himself from Astra and Power Dump.  Unfortunately, while he is focused on the duo, Sky Lynx comes upon the scene and the dino-bird and lynx amalgamations unleash themselves upon the former governor of Arkansas.  Huckabee is killed.  O’Reilly is not far behind as he meets his fate by Astra, although the pundit decimates Power Dump, sending him to the Graveyard forever.  Saurod and the Gorax arrive at the scene.  Mouse Voltron joins the fray only to be destroyed by Saurod’s laser mouth.  Zonk is ripped apart by the loathsome Gorax.

Section A. . .

Chris Benoit sucks on the Xanax bottle and barely notices as a ship crashes through the tubing to which he sits.  Benoit is sucked out into space and his head pops off his body.  The ship is a well-timed Z-95 headhunter with Star Wolf at the helm.  Unfortunately, R2 Unit 4 is lost in the metallic carnage.   As Star Wolf races from his vehicle, laser sword and gun in each hand with his pokeball at the ready, he is met by Magius and Teddy Tear.  Although Star Wolf manages to sear Teddy Tear, Magius uses his incredible magic powers to destroy the animorph. 

Section X. . .

The Midget lanterns come together, waiting for the Empire minions to arrive.  Tri-Eye, Bleez, GL 3, Even Piel, Zufa Cenva, Nazgul 9 and his horse, with Queen Aga’Po face the entire Justice Force.  A spectrum of colored rings is seen throughout the course of the battle as projectiles and shields emanate from the Midgets, while the sheer power of the Empire is displayed.  Nazgul 9’s horse is sliced in half by Justice Force’s Ananda, whom is taken out by the steed’s rider, Nazgul 9.  Nazgul 9’s ring crashes with the powers of Green Mantle’s yellow ring, but Nazgul 9 is eventually destroyed when Boomerang lends a hand to his teammate.   Boomerang’s victory is short lived though as the Empire character is taken out by Zufa Cenva’s combined sorcery and white lantern ring.  Green Mantle and Nobody take out Green Lantern 3, but die at the hands of Tri-Eye (Green Mantle) and Bleez (Nobody). 

Section M. . .

Jedi Masters 28A-31A and Ninjas 5-10 regroup.

Jedi Master 28A:  The final battle shall commence shortly.  I feel it in the Force.

Jedi Master 30A unexpectedly releases gas.

Jedi Master 31A:  I felt that Force, Masters!

As Ninja 6 cracks a smile beneath his cowl, Ninja 8 notices a warped character floating in space.  In an instant, Jedi Master 28A-31A and Ninjas 5-10 are ripped apart by Bizarro Mxyzpltk.

Section Z. . .

Amanita, Tri-Eye, Bleez, Piel, Cenva, Aga’Po, Astra and Sky Lynx face off against Darth Vegetariano, Magius, the Towanis, Gorax, the Revanchist and Saurod.  Magius spars with Astra, but gains the upper hand and the Midget is encased in flames, snuffing the life from her.  The Gorax attempts to stand in defense of both Mace and Cindel Towani, but without success.  The Dino-bird portion of the Transformer races toward Cindel and tears her apart.  The Gorax reaches the Transformer and both its brute strength and Mace’s laser gun finish the Midget.  The Revanchist destroys the lynx portion of the Transformer.  Saurod falls to Amanita, while the Gorax dies due to the combined effort of Tri-Eye and Bleez.  Mace Towani attempts to shoot Queen Aga’Po to no avail as her ring protects her.  The Zamaron then crushes Mace Towani with a well placed projectile.  Magius then is killed by Zufa Cenva. 

The odds do no fare well for the Empire as Vegetariano and the Revanchist face the overwhelming Midgets and their rings.  Before hope is lost, Kon-Shisho, Judo-Shisho, Chikara-Shisho and Hisomi Shisho join Vegetariano and the Revanchist.  Like clockwork, the Ninja Tribunal utilizes both their mastery of weapons and powers to dispel with the Midgets.  Amanita is killed by Judo-Shisho;  Tri-Eye is killed by Hisomi-Shisho;  Bleez is killed by Chikara-Shisho; and Queen Aga’Po is killed by Judo-Shisho.  In response, Piel and Cenva manage to take out Vegetariano.  Bizarro Mxypltk enters the fray and the piping system and its entire reality is warped and bended to the diminutive figure’s needs.  Mxyzpltk destroys the Revanchist, Judo, Chikara and Hisomi-Shisho, but not without losing Piel (killed by Chikara) and Cenva (killed by Judo and Hisomi) in the process.     

Bizarro Mxypltk cackles at the carnage surrounding the scene.  A spirit behind Mxypltk materializes into a dragon, crushing the figure.  Kon-Shisho transforms back into his true human warrior form.  No sound remains within the Section as Kon-Shisho strides down the tube. 

 

The Horsemen of Apokolips Vs. Miley and Barry's Best of Both World's Touring Battalion of Commandos

The Horsemen of Apokolips are Eternity, Eson the Searcher, He-Man, She-Ra, White Lantern Sinestro, Havoc in a Tie Interceptor, Hope Summers, Scarlet Witch, Shadowcat (w/ a Star Sapphire), Obi Wan Kenobi w/ R-2 Unit #12 in a Jedi V-Wing, Experiment 626: Stitch (w/ a green lightsaber) in a Z-95 Headhunter, Guild Navigator #1 in a Pre Guild Foldspace Ship, Purple M.U.S.C.L.E. Man #1-5, and Pink M.U.S.C.L.E. Man #1-5.

Isis wouldn’t even enslave her Miley Cyrus and Captain of The Varsity team Barack Obama’s Best of the not free for long world touring battalion of Crusaders…err I mean Commandos are The Question (w/ red lantern ring), (original) Human Torch, Jared Nomack (w/ Despotellis’ yellow lantern ring), The Insecticons: Bombshell, Kickback, Venom, Ransack, Barrage, and Chop Shop, Dr. Alan Grant (w/ green lantern ring), Dr. Ellie Sattler (w/ blue lantern ring), Suspiria Witch Coven #1-5 (w/ Indigo (1), yellow (2), and red (3 & 4) lantern rings), Duke (w/ green lantern ring), The Dinobots: Grimlock Rex: The Dinobot Prime, Slag, Snarl, Sludge, Swoop, & Katy Perry, Esme Cullen, Alice Cullen, Emmett Cullen, Jasper Hale, Rosalie Hale, The Deadly Viper Assassin Squad: Bill, Bud, O Ren Ishi, Vernita Green, and Elle Driver, Droid Fighter Ship #7-8, Metroid #1-3, & 6, Scary Spice, Evil Dwarf #1-6, Compsognothid #51-53, Xenomorph #55, Witch #1, and Allosaurus #1 all in Rama.

2 years and 2 months. For 2 years and 2 months this conflict has continued. Being off in the depths of space, brings a new definition to the term Cold War. Space is cold and silent, it seems like it was designed to test the patience of men. When to eat, when to sleep, when to revamp the plan, and when to attack. Is it ever the right time to attack? The death toll at this point is still zero; but the scouts are becoming ever more daring; and both squads seem to sense that this cold war will soon heat up…

The Commandos gave no order to Rama, it was simply the will of the ship that moved in towards The Horsemen flag ship, and it was the prescience of The Guild Navigator gazing into the future that foresaw the plan of Rama and began moving in quick towards the larger alien craft. Despite this aggressive position taken by both sides, neither the undefined alien intelligence of Rama, nor the super-human perfection of The Guild Navigator seem to identify the problem that both the ships were far too large to make it through the energy activated bubble entrances of The Section Z sector, therefore causing them both to get stuck.

This leads us here. To this moment when the space-worthy ships within the enormous Guild machine, and the Cybertonian giants within Rama are fully prepared for battle, when the ever-patient Eson and Eternity feel the need to end this match before it truly begins. They both make there omnipresent selves known to all who surround them; but they then instantaneously switch places with every member of The Commandos. The Commandos find themselves thrust into the heart of The Guild Ship, where battle will certainly and immediately erupt, while Eternity and Eson both find themselves brought inside of Rama. The Guild-dwarfing craft of Rama then simply disappears into nothingness, as if were nothing more than a speck of dirt on the back of a moving vehicle.

Back on The Guild ship, two years of anxiety and aggression is being brought out within both of the squads. An insane battle, that was supposed to take place in the depths of space itself comes out in force within the steel lined halls and caverns of the enormous transport vessel.

As a brawl of Muscle Men erupts against a mish-mash of dinosaurs, atrocities, and not-so-nice dwarves; Blazin Bad Zula herself grabs The D-Vas and The Cullen family as her personal protection on a most important mission.

Obi Wan and Havoc find their way out of the cargo hold and into the surrounding space in an attempt to open up some free flying area; but they are promptly followed by The Insecticons in flying insect mode as well as The Droid Fighter Ships.

Stitich in his Z-95, decides to stay inside the hull of The Guild Ship and instead joins He-Man and She-Ra in their battle against The Dino-bots.

Hope, Scarlet Witch, and Shadowcat stand their ground, even as they are rushed by The Susperia Witch Coven with their Metroid pets in tow; while White Lantern Sinestro seems to be laughing off his own outnumbered odds in his aerial battle against The Question, the Human Torch android, Jared Nomack, Dr. Grant, Dr. Sattler, and Sgt. Duke.

The Susperia Witches, with their lantern rings, occult powers, and ballet skills put to good use are holding their own quite nicely against the trio of mutant females. Shadowcat used her Star Sapphire Ring to wipe out Witch #1; but despite her phasing abilities still had her lantern-infused power sucked away once all three Metroids latched on and overloaded themselves with her power killing every combatant involved. Scarlet Witch took out the Indigo powered Coven Witch #1, as well as the yellow #2, before being coated in mystically infused red vomit by the remaining witches, who were then destroyed by a now furious Hope Summers.

Out in space, Obi Wan and Havoc make quick work of the two droid fighter ships from within their own Star Wars craft; but run into a little more trouble once they engage in a dogfight with all six Insecticons. Bombshell leads the attack formation; but Havoc and Obi-Wan manage to get behind them. Obi Wan uses the force from within his V-Wing to dizzy up the larger Deluxe versions of The Insecticons while he and Havoc then use Advanced Missiles to target them out of the internal space vacuum of Section Z. Venom, Chop Shop, Barrage, and Ransack all go down one by one in that order. Havoc and Kenobi then attempt to regroup, but before they can, Kickback gets a claw into the side of Kenobi’s ship and rips it in two destroying not only The V-Wing, but Kenobi and R-2 Unit #12 as well. Bombshell completes a similar task by using his laser antennae to take out Havoc’s ship; but Havoc manages to crash land the Interceptor and gain ground on a small asteroid. As the two much larger Insecticons fly at him, the charged up Havoc blows apart the spark of Kickback, but is unable to recharge himself fast enough for another shot, before Bombshell can rip him apart.

The Muscle Men seem to be over-powering The Evil Dwarves fairly well, but once a handful of the Pink ones beat the Xenomorph to death, they were unhappy with the surprise acid blood that instantly returned the favor. The Purple guys stomped the compies with ease as well, but Allosaurus #1 ended up eating three of them. The Muscle Men, both Purple and Pink were all killed but only Evil Dwarf #2 & 4, and The Allosaurus survived the skirmish.

Sinestro seems to be toying with the other lanterns he is facing, despite his numeric odds. As he controls the entire spectrum, through the force of life, he provides a quick answer to The Red Lantern Question, right before he puts out the flame of the original Human Torch. Sinestro then makes a quip about how a person as ugly as Nomack could never possibly wield a yellow ring properly. Duke could not possibly be braver as he provides some time for his PHD wielding teammates. Duke flies in with a F-16 construct around him, only to be blown to pieces by Sinestro. Ellie Sattler charges Dr. Grant’s ring up to 200% right before Sinestro ruins her weekend; but Dr. Grant, with every bit of energy and will power he can muster constructs an enormous Utah Raptor made of green energy that sarcastically says: “Sinestro” before bighting the famous lantern in half.

Scary Spice leads her team of combatants into the inner workings of the ship and in past the control room. She seems to be able to sense exactly where the Navigator is, and what he is up to. Although not played by The Horsemen directly, several guards, defenders, and lesser Guild Representatives stood in their path and fought them along the way, but they were all defeated by Scary Spice’s team of vampires and assassins. Several other booby traps were set and sprung by the Guild manufacturers, a few of which even took out Alice and Rosalie. Once they got inside the large control room which resembled a throne room more than cockpit, the burning smell of cinnamon was so strong that they could barely stand it. They then caught a glimpse of the large clear-plaz tank that held The Guild Navigator, an inhuman looking monster, unrecognizable next to a regular person despite the fact that that is what he or she once was. The last bit of counter-measures are sent out by the navigator. A hunter seeker is fired from the wall, that takes out Esme Cullen, while a large release of mélange blasts from the tank itself to kill Bud (instantly over-dosing him on a drug he has never seen). The rest of her team begin to choke, when Bill asks Blazin Bad Zula how she can stand it. She tells them that they need to “rush back and help the others, and that she can get it from here”. “But [cough-cough-gasp-cough], how??”? Asks Jasper. Scary Spice turns to them and smiles with that sexy look of hers and says: “I’m a Spice Girl, I know how to handle a little bit of the good stuff. I also know how to Zig a Zig Ah”!! She then rushes into the room and busts open the clear plaz container of The Guild Navigator, who falls to the ground, gasping against the oxygen rich air, knowing that he/she only has seconds to live. The Navigator does manage to bounce into the mind of Scary Spice and scare the spice out of her once and for all before they both die on the mélange rich floor.

As the battle of Stitch and The Masters of The Universe Vs. The Dino-bots rages on, the remaining combatants from both squads show up to join the fight.

“Me Grimlock, not just leader of Autobots, me King of Dino-bots. Me not Grimlock Prime, me Prime Grimlock Rex”. Says Grimlock, and then from atop his head: “Me Katy Lock, Grimlock’s wife. Me Queen of Dino-bots ROOOOOOOOOOAAAAAAR”!! This dialogue, if you can call it that begins the last stage of this epic battle. The Cullens and D-Vas all rush Hope Summers, who begins mind blocking them all one by one. First Jasper, then Emmett, then Bill, Vernita, and Elle; but she misses just one Deadly Viper Assasin, as O Ren Ishi leaps up from her side and delivers a katana into the neck of the young Hope before she can muster any form of defense or attack. She-Ra, is broken off from her battle with Slag, to make short work of the two axe wielding Evil Dwarfs, and then to throat drop-kick Allosaurus #1 to death. She then goes toe to toe with O Ren Ishi, and despite the assassin’s skills she finds out the hard way that her swordsmanship is still no match for that of She-Ra, who uses her much larger sword to decapitate her opponent. She-Ra then turns to go back and help out her brother; but she is blindsided by a green power ring wielding Dr. Grant, who seems energized just by being around the Dinobots. She-Ra stands tall as the strongest woman in the universe; so Grant creates an energy construct of just a regular man, which easily crushes her (Ha!! Get it!! Pluralism is great…. FOR ME TO POOP ON!!)!! Stitch, then does a fly by in his Z-95, which blows the weakened Dr. Grant to pieces, on his way back to battle the Dinobots, who have just been joined by Bombshell. Stitch unloads every bit of missile and laser power he has left in his ship into Bombshell, before he ejects out right before he perfectly crashes the ship into the chest of Sludge, killing both The Autobot and Decepticon in one fell swoop. As this is happening, He-Man has pulled an enormous steel girder from the side of the ship and used it to beat Snarl into scrap. Slag swings his mighty tail at He-Man, who is able to leap out of the way and onto the back of the robot dinosaur. He then throws the Master Sword into the back of the neck of Slag to perfectly decapitate the Dinobot as the sword comes ripping through the other side. Stitch hooks on to the wing of Swoop and then uses his four laser guns to blast a hole through the wing of the non-dinosaur Dinobot, so as to burst inside of the metal body of his opponent and come crashing out the other side; but not before destroying Swoop’s spark on the way out. Stitch is one happy little alien as he pops out, but the great Horsemen that was known as Stitch finally would meet his demise as he was greeted by an enormous laser blast from the mouth of Prime Grimlock Rex, as he exited the now dead Swoop. He-Man does a barrel roll off of Slag in order to retrieve his Master Sword, which he does on his way to charging at the much larger Grimlock. He-Man knows to go for the Matrix of Leadership inside his chest cavity; which is exactly what he does. He-Man bounds into the air and places himself in a position to downward thrust into the Matrix. The artist formerly known as Katy Perry is thrown from the Dinobot onto the hard metal floor as He-Man throws his mystical sword into the nucleus of The Matrix, just as Grimlock uses his immeasurable strength to bring his jaw together around He-Man and shatter every one of his metal teeth around the powerful flesh body of The Master of the Universe………………………………………..

Season 8 Week 3: Kitties Vs. The House of Sith AIDS

The Super Orange Kitties and Cats are: Starfire, Berdovian, Mr. Majestic, Powergirl, Thunder, Lightning, Lockdown in his ship, Copper Kid, Hot wing, Gyro, Flashback, Backlash, Moonstryker, Tailspin, Red X (Dick Grayson) and Astrodroid #13 in a Jedi V-wing, Decepticons #1-5, The Flying Graysons: John and Mary w/Green Lantern rings, Junkeons #23+24, Rebastion Lestrange, Navy SEAL #44, Votari #36-10, and Purple Dragons #3-6.

John and Vader's Sith House of AIDS are: Galvatron, Dreadwing, Jhiaxis, Waspinator, Nova Prime w/ Leadership Matrix, Blue Lantern Kit Fisto and Grandpa Max with Chopper in Y-Wing, Kanan Jarrus, Ezra Bridger, Zeb, Hera Syndulla, Sabine Wren, Anakin Skywalker in a TIE Interceptor, Elsa w/Yellow Lantern ring, Ben Tennyson w/Yellow Lantern ring, Gwen Tennyson, Guardians of the Galaxy: Starlord, Drax, Gamora, Rocket, Groot, Starlord's Ship, Fangry, Brisko, King Laufey, Frost Giant #1, Fremen #43-50 and Purple Dragons #1-2.

In The Sith AIDS' Locker Room:

"You gotta be kidding me!" yells Starlord as he looks over his instructions for his team's week 3 campaign. "Who put these stupid transforming robots in charge anyway? They'll pay for this!" swears Starlord.

"Ha! Your threats become emptier by the day, Quill." laughs Drax. "If they gave you the paper, they have likely already paid the cost for it!" chuckles Drax.

"I am Groot!" adds Groot humorously.

"I'm with you, pal. I mean, c'mon Quill, if they want to send those Star Wars Rebel guys on a suicide mission, let em. As long as we're ok, it's fine by me!" agrees Rocket.

"Rocket it's not a suicide mission, it's just plain suicide. They expect humanoids to survive in space without protection. Perhaps they plan on using us as shields..." ponders Gamora. "And Rocket, what makes you think we're not included on that list?" asks Gamora.

"Wait a minute!!! Us too?!? This is an outrage!!! Do something Quill!!!" exclaims Rocket.

"I'm going, I'm going. Those jerkass Decepticons are going to get a piece of my mind!" warns Starlord as he storms off to the team's office.

Drax looks around confused. "Will someone please explain how teaing out his own brain matter will aid our situation?" questions Drax.

Time passed and Starlord storms back into the Sith AIDS' locker room.

"So how did it go?" asks Gamora.

"Oh, great. The Decepticons realise that we won't survive. Gamora was right. Plan: Human Shield is in full effect. So, yeah. Nothing to see here, folks, everything's just peachy. Carry on!" states Peter Quill sarcastically.

"There it is, folks. It'll be a pleasure joining you all as icy, floating meat shields in the vast reaches of space." deadpans Rocket.

"Drax the Destroyer will be the mightiest of all meat shields!!!" boasts Drax as he pounds his chest proudly.

"I am Groot." says a wise Groot.

"I hear you. Don't worry. As we all know, the rules and I don't always get along. He's the plan..." plots Starlord.

Make Match Go Now.

In Section Z, the space battle could be going better for The Sith House of AIDS. Despite space itself being quite vast, this fight is being contained in a relatively small area. The Kitties have The Sith's Decepticons surrounded, along with Yellow Lanterns Ben Ten and Elsa. Their yellow energy shields and the floating corpses of King Laufey, Gwen Tennyson, Frost Giant #1, Fremen #43-50, and Purple Dragons #1+2 are providing cover for now, but it is just a matter of time before their defenses fail.

"Galvatron! Where are the additional meat shields that I requested?" questions Nova Prime angrily. "This is your fault! Do something!" commands the Decepticon leader.

In frustration, Galvatron grabs the hapless Waspinator, and expedites his death by throwing him out from under The Sith AIDS' cover. He is destroyed instantly by The Kitties' Starfire.

"Happy? Just know that this would not have happened had I been the leader." comments Galvatron.

The massive ship of the Transformer Lockdown arrives to bolster The Kitties' offense, and The Sith AIDS' chances of pulling off the win are going down dramatically. The cover provided by their dead teammates' bodies is dwindling, and the Yellow energy shields are beginning to crumble. As all seems to be lost, a faint glimmer of hope shines. The Guardians of the Galaxy and the Star Wars Rebels crew are in Starlord's ship, and are being escorted by Anakin Skywalker's TIE Interceptor. Blue Lantern Kit Fisto, Grandpa Max, and Chopper also fly a Y-Wing in formation with their teammates.

"Finally, our additional flesh shields have reported for duty! Victory is at hand!" proclaims Nova Prime.

His is shocked as the trio of starships ignore his orders and engage directly with Lockdown's ship. The Kitties' ignore them for now, focusing on the immenant demise of The Sith AIDS Decepticons, YL Ben Ten, and YL Elsa.

The TIE Interceptor's lasers and the Y-Wing's bombs have opened up a good sized hole in Lockdown's ship. The three starcraft enter through the damage, and land when they find proper atmosphere inside the ship.

"Ok, guys, last one to the engine's reactor and plant a bomb is a rotten egg!" jokes Starlord. The groups go their seperate ways in an attempt to sabotage the vessel.

"Quill, I am certain that losing a race will not transform me into a fowl's decaying embryo." explains Drax.

"How many times do we have to tell you. It's a figure of speech, you dolt!' ccounters Gamora.

"Uh, Pete. How is blowing this place up with us inside any better than the robots' original insta-death plan?" asks Rocket.

"Because this way we can win." answers Starlord.

"Win? How? None of us will survive!" yells Rocket.

"No Rocket, one of us will..." says Starlord as Rocket Racoon gives him a puzzeled look.

Meanwhile, outside of Lockdown's ship, The Kitties wrap up the slaughter of The Sith AIDS' Decpticons and Yellow Lanterns. They have their losses, but they are still relatively strong in numbers. They enter Lockdown's ship to chase down the remaining Sith AIDS combatants, unaware of their explosive plan. The Kitties catch sight of their foes just in time for the whole starship to explode and kill everyone.

KA-BOOSH!!!!!!!!!!

Well, almost everyone...

"I AM GROOT!!!" yells Groot stoically. He has lost roughly half of his body, but it's nothing that won't grow back in time.

"I AM GRO..."

A yellow beam of fear fuelled energy shatters the battered form of Groot. The Yellow Lanterns' preeminent sniper Bedovian has taken Groot's short lived victory for himself. The Kitties' mollusk-like creature has been positioned on the very edge of the space sector, far out of anyone's view since the instant he arrived. He waited patiently and seized his moment, but remains unsatisfied. "Hard to believe that they dragged me out here for such an easy shot." he thinks to himself.    

Team Sleeping Pussy Vs. Brock Sampson's Fighting Murderflies

Team Sleeping Pussy is Captain Guts, Weaponer of Qward #1-5, M.O.D.O.K., Giant Man, Black Lightning, Female Sentinel #9, Velociraptor #31-35, Compsognothus #58, Cloak and Dagger, The Vanisher, The Mountain Dew Transformer, Smokescreen, Shi’ar Warrior #1, Dave Bowman: The Starchild, Jonah Hex (w/ a yellow lantern ring), The Dude from Quackers, and Elven Soldier #1-10.

Brock Sampson’s Fighting Murderflies are Machete, Ford Prefect (w/ a Zapper) in an Arwing, Zapphod Beezlebrock in a B-Wing, Marvin the Paranoid Android in an Arwing, Trillian in an A-Wing, Oa Guardian #6, Bodikka, Robotic Moe, Robotic Larry, Robotic Curly, Black Lantern Guy Gardner, Navy SEAL Chief #12-13, Navy SEAL #28, & 36-43, Mars Attack Martians #1-10, Al Qaeda Insurgents #5-7, 9-14, 16-18, & Clone Trooper #30-32.

Sup y’all, Pogo here. It must be the space week again. It’s always such a serious and depressing time to be a Watcher, ya know with the coldness of space and all; it just kind of makes me feel like this:

She packed my bags last night pre-flight. Zero Hour Nine am. And I’m gonna be hiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiigh, as a kite by then. I miss the earth so much, I miss Nintendo. It’s lonely out in space, on such a tiiiiiiiiiiiiiiimeless match. And I think its gonna be a long long time till touchdown brings me round again to find, I’m not the man they think I am at home, Oh no no no. I’m the Watcher Man. WATCHER MAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAN. Burnin out his fuse up here alone.

I just wrote that just now, isn’t it good. God, I am so awesome at this stuff; but anyways, let’s take a look at this match shall we??........

Dr. Henry Pym, in his Giant Man guise has created a makeshift space station that is large enough to house the entire Sleeping Pussy Squad, while The Oa Guardian and the Hitchhiker’s crew have put together a counter offensive. Knowing that the casualties would be high, but with little choice, the Martians, Al Qaedaites, Clone Troopers, and SEALs have all been strapped onto the four space-worthy fighter ships, in hopes that at least some of them would make it to the space station alive. Ford Prefect and his zany foursome will then drop off the not-so-unique dudes on their first strafing run and then swing back around for another attack. The Elven Soldiers begin picking off the Martians before they even get dropped off the ship; but then what is left of them use their ray guns to even the score. The Al Qaeda radicals begin to take back a bit of their hatred of modernity, once they are ripped apart and then eaten by the velociraptors, right before the raptors and the compy gain an animal-cyborg sense of humor via the magic of postmodern technology and then laugh to death after they are subjected to the hilarious slapstick antics of the robotic three stooges. Shi’ar Warrior #1, in a case of true 9 death love then avenges his scaled (or are they feathered???????)?? teammates and takes out Larry, Moe, and Curly (btw, who’s offlisting robotic Shemp next season)??

Machete and Capt. Guts, much like the two owners of the teams at play here, both completely ignore the fact that this match is taking place in space and begin a pitched battle with each other (first Season 8 Becks shout-out). They do a bunch of super-beefy, manly stuff to each other, and then finally realize that neither of them are tough enough to handle the vacuum of space once their space suits are destroyed (although they are close).

The Weaponers of Qward take flight and do their best to hold off the second wave of Oa Guardian #6, Bodikka, and Black lantern Gardner, despite their valiant 9 death stand, the Weaponers are only able to stop Bodikka. Cloak and Dagger, then both blast and absorb The Oa Guardian and Gardner into their own form of nothingness; but then they disappear as well. Disappear at the hands of The Starchild that is, as he knows that they will be needed by Team SP later, and that this cannot be their final appearance. This prompts Giant Man to become furious at Bowman for making his first appearance in the match by removing two of the most powerful characters from the team. Bowman simply looks upon Dr. Pym and makes him aware that he cannot possibly understand, nor does he need to.

Female Sentinel #9 proves her worth, as well as the worth of all of her sisters who have gotten virtually no love from The Watchers (especially that loser Joshatu), even though they have been taking up valuable space on The SP Roster since Season 1. The quicker, sleeker Sentinel takes out every one of the Navy SEALs and clone troopers single-handedly before Chief #14 luckily hits the Sentinel’s self destruct.

The final wave of The Murderflies comes next. Zapphrod Beezlebrock blasts Black Lightning, on his suicide run, while Ford Prefect takes out M.O.D.O.K. Marvin the Paranoid Android easily pilots his Arwing, while hitting The Vanisher with a perfectly placed laser blast. Trillian, has the best shot of all, as she blasts The Mt. Dew Transformer blowing his caffeine-laden spark to pieces.

As the goofy foursome crash lands into the space station, taking out its creator Giant Man, Smokescreen, and Shi’ar Warrior #1. The Dude from Quackers bursts into tears at the death of Giant Man: the man that provided him with all he needs (being of course tight pussy, loose shoes, and a warm place to shit). Jonah Hex gets ready to jump into action, but The Starchild decides that this match has come to an end and wipes out the remaining Murderflies while he simultaneously transports the remaining members of his squad back to base.