Monday, May 4, 2020

Consortium Week 8 The Striders of Rohan Vs 2 Hungry Dinomites With Bubble Fighting Fun Down Tight

The Hungry Dinomites are Chief Chirpa w/ Tanooki Suit, Tee w/ Hammer bros suit, Logray, Wicket W. Warrick w/ Racoon leaf, Paploo w/ Vibranium suit, Ewok Warrior w/ Frog Suit, Ant-Man and Wasp, Falcon, Captain America w/ Blue Lantern ring, Winter Soldier, Giant Man, Mas and Menos, and Giant Hammer Bros. #1-4.

Striders of Rohan are Legolas, Gimli,nBoromir, Gerald of Rivia, w/ Green Lantern Ring, King Kong (Last Life), Radagast The Brown, and Baron Zemo w/ Yellow Lantern Ring.


Thursday, April 30, 2020

Democracy Week 8 Affirmative Action Poepeyes vs Be Gentle Its My First Time

Be Gentle Its My First Time is Plo Koon w/ green lantern ring, Darth Malak, The Sinister Six: Green Goblin, Sandman, Dr. Octopus, Electro, Mysterio, and Vulture, 5 Jedi Knights, Sgt. Apon, Tien Shinhan, and Yamcha, 

Affirmative Action Popeye’s, Avatar Aang, Uncle Iroh, Detective Spooner, Sonny, Serpentor, Globulous, The Baroness, John Rambo, The Hart Foundation: Bret “The Hitman Hart”, Jim “The Anvil” Neidhart, The Rockers: Shawn Micheals and Marty Jannety w/ a racoon leaf.

Vote Away.

Wednesday, April 29, 2020

Week 7: Affirmative Action Popeye’s vs Dinomites

Popeye’s: Red Hulk, Red She Hulk, Namor and Namor’s Griffin, Avatar Aang, Iroh, Trinity, Morpheus, Riggs and Murtaugh in Ornithopter, Black Panther, Red Dragon #1, and Sentinel #10

Dinomites: The Shazam Family: SHAZAM, Mary Marvel, Captain Marvel Jr, Eugene Cho,l Pedro Pena, Darla Dudley, C.C Batson, Green Lantern Ganthet, Blue Lantern Flash, Orange Lantern Lex Luther, Ronan The Accuser with a Red Lantern Ring, Indigo Lantern Ray Palmer, Yellow Lantern Scarecrow, Star Sapphire, Wonder Woman, Cal Kestis, BD-1, Cere, Greeze, SandTrooper #1-10 on Dewback #1-10, and Superman Prime

For the amount of times I’ve given Chris shit about doing this, I never thought I’d be doing it one day. School decided to say wassup, how about we try online, but do it in a really dumb way, so I’ve been a bit busy keeping up with that and didn’t get the match done. Well here it is, unfortunately I overslept and missed the battle, all I saw is Shazam walk away guiding Dewback #7. The rest I believe are ‘DED spells dead’. Next week I’ll try to make a good match in the woods of Endor.

Therefore, DINOMITES win, Shazam and Dewback #7 survive.

Tuesday, April 28, 2020

S11 W7: Barkley's vs Sith Aids


Charles Barkley's Turrible Decisions are: Deadpool, Boba Fett, Kwisatz Haderach Duncan Idaho, Paul Atreides "Maud Dib", Erasmus, Cyborg, Khal Drogo,  T-X, Kilawog, Robo-Barkley (4 deaths), Krayt Dragons #3-5 (4 deaths each)

John and Vader's House of Sith Aids are: Darth Revan, Starkiller, The Anti-Monitor, Stormtroopers #11-50 (#11 in an AT-RT), Darth Sion, The Rancor, Savage Opress, Feral, Maxima, Veliciraptor #1-2.

I arrived late as usual to the outside of the arena stadium on Geonosis. Both the Barkley's and the Sith Aids were clawing at the doors outside, begging to be let in lest their fate lie in a wood chipper. They both explained to me that their teams were submitted late and both were shocked when I informed them that I was watching their match and they were playing each other. 

This news caused the two teams to almost instantly begin fighting each other. The sounds of 40 stormtroopers laying a barrage of gunfire down while the screams of the Rancor and Velociraptors as they began to devour combatants was both amazing and disturbing at the same time. The Sith Aids came out of the gate firing but the Barkley's were no push overs. Deadpool and Cyborg were taking on the Anti Monitor while Boba Fett and the two guys who look like Jason Momoa were slashing their way through Stormtroopers. 

I decided to put a stop to all this since I forgot my notebook and froze time. There were a good amount of dead bodies but I told each team to pick one living person to put up in a one on one fight for the whole thing. The winners would win and take their remaining team back to the locker room and I would run the losing team through the woodchipper.

Sith Aids nominated Darth Revan and Barkleys put up Muad'Dib.

Revan came in with a fast attack and a force push that sent Paul reeling backwards. Paul stayed down on one knee as Revan came toward him, lightsaber drawn. Paul was not injured however. As he used his prescient vision he saw all possible future outcomes from the battle and knew the exact second to roll to the side and take the head off the dark lord.

Ahsoka's Acrobatic Assassins Vs. Be Gentle It's My First Time

Ahsoka's Acrobatic Assassins are Poggle the Lesser in a Geonosian Starship, Sun Fac in a Geonosian Starship, Indiana Jones, Henry Jones Sr., Zombie Dr. Manhattan, R2-D2, C3P0, Grandmaster Luke Skywalker, Hera Syndulla, Sabine Wren, Kanaan Jaruus, Ezra Bridger, Zeb Orrelius, Chopper, Revan, Aayla Secura, & Orc #1-29.

Be Gentle it's My First Time is Plo Koon (w/ a green lantern ring), Task Master (w/ a yellow lantern ring), Darth Malak, Dr. Strange (w/ The Time Stone), Wong, Dr. Fate, Black Lantern Superboy, & a Jedi Knight.


As the match is about to begin, a hidden conference takes place between a few of the Assassins. The Phoenix Crew to be precise.

SABINE: “Hera, I can't believe that we have two ships in this match and that none of us are in one. You, especially should be up there flying.

HERA: “I agree Sabine, I'm not sure what I can do about it though”.

KANAAN: “We all know Hera is the best pilot on this team; but we don't have a choice as to who gets to pilot what. Sometimes the Force works mysteriously. We must follow it”.

{A cloaked figure approaches to join the conversation}.

LUKE GJM: “Hera being the best pilot on this team, is....... Well, let's just say it is debatable. And why are you all so convinced that you don't have any chance to contest who flies the ships?? You're all Rebels here aren't you?? Come with me. R2 has a plan... Oh, and Young Jarrus, The Force is your ally, sometimes even your best allies need convincing”.

ZEB: Did he just say, that his droid has a plan??

CHOPPER:

C3P0: R2's plans have been known to work from time to time....

R2 and 3PO, erratically explain the plan to the Phoenix Crew and make sure that they all know their part (sort of).

Ezra Bridger approaches Poggle the Lesser and his bodyguard Sun Fac and begins to speak: “Uh, umm, excuse me Poggle err, I mean excuse me Mr. The Lesser, I was just sent over here to tell you that before you board your ship, err I mean your ships that Capt. Syndulla and Jedi Master Skywalker had a message for you. NO, No , No, umm stay here just for a second and let me tell you the message. I know it is time to get on your ships and stuff, but I just need a second to give you the message.... You see, they wanted me to tell you that since you two are definitely in charge of this team, that you should definitely umm talk to the troops for a bit before you board your ships. Ya know, for moral and stuff”.

Poggle looks at Ezra and then looks at Sun Fac with a confused look, just as Ezra sheepishly backs away from the two Geonosians saying: “Well guys, have a good battle. Stay buggy”.

With those words, the two Geonosian Starfighters blast over the heads of Poggle and Sun Fac as their confusion turns to anger and a conversation takes place over the ships' comlink. Chopper and Hera are on board the first Starfighter and contact Luke: “Well, Master Skywalker, tell those droids of yours that Chopper and I definitely approve of this plan”.

“They hear you loud and clear Capt. Syndulla. Let's do this”. Luke replies.

“How mad do you think the Geonosians are going to be when they find out we stole their ships”?? Asks Hera.

Luke chuckles a little and says: “Don't worry about it, it's all part of the plan... I was going to tell them Indiana Jones did it”.

The Assassins move into battle swiftly, but find that Dr. Strange and his troops are huddled together in a defensive position completely ready for battle.

Kanaan and Ezra are approached by a nameless Jedi Knight whose training has far surpassed their own; but the former Jedi Padawan and the Padawan's Padawan are able to make short work of their would be ally, showing that not only does teamwork make the dream work; but that their Force skills are beyond the official training that either of them possess. The pair look to their left and notice that Poggle and Sun are being moved upon by Plo Koon and Task Master. The Geonosians seem outmatched significantly, until Poggle uses his telepathic link with the Brood Alpha of this planet, causing dozens of Geonosian Drones to begin coming out of the ground to join the team and protect their leader. The Orcs recognize within their very DNA that the Geonosians are the masters of this place and they obey accordingly.

Ezra turns to his Master and says: “Kanaan, LOOK. Those Geonosians never would have joined the fight if their leaders were up in their Starships”.

“What can I say, Ezra. I guess sometimes the Force needs a little convincing”. “Says Kanaan.

Wong stops Zeb in his place and hits him with the spinny thing to take him out; but Sabine does a conventional spin move and hits the wizard directly in the chest with her Darksaber. Dr, Strange is none too happy to see this as he hits Sabine with an even better spinny thing to take her out as well on his way to join his teammate Lord Malak in his battle against Revan and Aayla Secura. Revan absorbs Strange's initial magic attack, while Malak parries Secura's lightsaber assault and then runs her through. Revan zooms forward with Jedi speed to kill Strange, which results in an epic dual between Revan and Malak that ends with both of them joining each other in death; because the only things I know about them are from Galaxy of Heroes and I have no idea which one is supposed to be stronger.

Dr. Fate VS. Dr. Manhattan should be an incredible fight, but one of them has 4 deaths and and one of them is a Zombie, so it isn't.

Black Lantern Superboy takes flight and engages the two ace pilots of the AAA Squad. Meanwhile Plo Koon and Taskmaster are putting on a clinic in their battle against a slew of Orcs and a gaggle of Geonosians. Unfortunately, Kanaan, Ezra, and Henry Jones Sr. have all met their fate at the hands of the good Doctor representing the Gentle Crew.

Luke and Hera's flight skills are masterful, but despite several successful evasions and attacks; BL Superboy manages to catch Hera off guard and blast through her ship faster than a black lantern speeding boy bullet.

As Indiana Jones hides in a desert outcropping, being berated by Dr. Fate's magical onslaught. Plo Koon and his new best bro Taskmaster have successfully taken out the Orcs and Geonosians, including Poggle and the mighty Sun Fac. BL Superboy hits Luke's ship with a blast of black lantern heat vision sending the ship into a tailspin; but Luke is able to right the ship and recover. With the ship greatly damaged, Luke ejects R2 and 3PO to safety and then double backs with a spin move (that's a good trick (shout out Phantom Menace)). Luke is able to delve deeply into the Force to realize the weakness of his enemy. He sees that he must use two types of energy to destroy him. Luke targets BL Superboy with his lasers, shuts off the targeting computer with the Force, and injects just a slight amount of Kyber from his lightsaber into the firing mechanism of the ship. A perfectly aimed shot, then leads to BL Superboy being shot out of the air. Luke climbs out of the cockpit and onto the failing ship itself. He then leaps from the starship and delivers a lightsaber thrust through the blackened heart of Black Lantern Superboy, sending him to the graveyard on his way down to joining the rest of the fight. Luke realizes that his attempt to save his droids was in vain, as he arrives just in time to see Taskmaster and Plo Koon dismantling them. The Koon/Taskmaster Duo have developed quite a rapport and move together against Skywalker, but find that they are still lacking against the Grand Jedi Master. Luke knocks the sword from Taskmaster and directs his Yellow energy blast back at him, right before he runs Plo through the heart with his lightsaber.

Luke feels a great disturbance in the Force and realizes that someone he does not know well; but who seems very much like an old friend is in trouble. Luke is re-energized as he uses his Force Speed to hit the ground running and move towards Dr. Fate, the extremely powerful, and last remaining member of the Be Gentle crew. An exhausted Luke gets to the other side of the battlefield, just in time to see Indiana Jones pull an ancient artifact out of his backpack and complete the spell that opens the Portal of Fate and dispel the power of Dr. Fate once and for all.

Luke is shocked by what he has seen and looks surprised to see Dr. Jones hunched over a rock before him victorious. Indiana looks and sounds strikingly like Luke's best friend as he smirks and asks: “What took ya so long”??

Monday, April 27, 2020

Consortium Week 7 House Elves vs Empire

House Elves are Ben Kenobi, Mar-Vel, Archangel, Soundwave w Rumble, Frenzy, Ravage, Laserbeak, Buzzsaw, Rabat, Wingthing, Sqauktalk, Beatbox, Glit, Enemy, Howlback, Garboil, Overkill, Slugfest, Autoscout #1-2, Juggernaut, Shao Khan, Sgt. Slaughter, Taurus, Red Dog, Mercer, Shaak Ti, Sandworm #1-5, Dothraki #1-8, Dothraki Horse #1-8.

The Empire is Obi Wan Kenobi, Saruman, Apollo, Shredder, Krang, Karai, Nazgul #7 on fell beast, Herculoids: Zondar, Tara, Gloop, Gleep, Rabbon Harkonen, and Baron Vladmir Harkonen.

Week 7: TEAM vs. Striders of Rohan

TEAM is: Leader One, Scooter, Turbo, Perceptor, Kup, Springer, R.C., Wheelie, Hubcap, and Sunstreaker.

The Striders of Rohan are: Thorin Oakenshield, Bifur, Bofer, Bombour, Balin, Dwalin, Oin, Gloin, Fili, Kili, Ori, Nori, Dori, Bill the Pony, Bilbo Baggins, Grishnack, Grima Wormtongue, Isildor, Arathorn, Fremen #1, Fedayeen #2-5, Duncan Idaho Ghola #4, Gondor Soldiers #13-15, 14 Goblins (#5, #7, and #9-20), Gollum, Tim Cheveldae, Alan Trammell, Paul Coffey, Steve Yzerman, Barry Sanders, Elon Musk, Juwam Howard, Robert Downey Jr, John Quincy Adams, Aaron Griswold, Scorpion, and Liu Kang.


On the bleak surface of Geonosia, a horde of discount Striders made a charge on TEAM's crack squad of Transformers*. Squat and crafty, Bilbo Baggins eagerly found himself a poor fit for the front line, and the initial volley of blaster fire took him down. Turbo tore through the gaggle of Goblins, but when he shot Bill the Pony he earned the furious vengeance of Thorin Oakenshield. Just as Thorin severed Turbo's connections, Hubcap brought a heavy robotic fist down on the Dwarf's skull. This whipped his Dwarven posse into a frenzy, and they swarmed Hubcap. Though he managed to crush Bofer, Oin, and Nori, he succumbed to the nine remaining shorties. Isildur lead the three Fedayeen against Wheelie, but Perceptor caught them with his shoulder cannon before they could finish off the little Autobot. Together the two fought through to assist Scooter, who was on the ground getting kicked by the regular, powerless human celebrities of the Striders. They cleared the fodder off their off-brand buddy, and Wheelie extended a hand to help him up. As he did, the scent of brimstone hit their electronic olfactory receptors, and a spear flew in to Perceptor's chassis. Scorpion yanked him closer as Liu Kang brought a flying bicycle kick to his head, knocking it clean off. Wheelie blasted Liu Kang as he returned to the ground, but Scorpion was quick to melt him and Scooter down with fire breath. Sunstreaker and RC killed off the swarm of Dwarves that overwhelmed Hubcap and turned their attention to Arathorn, who was attempting to organize and rally the ragtag forces left on the field. He made his final push against Springer, Kup, and Leader One with Scorpion and the Gondor Soldiers, while the rest of their team split off to keep RC and Sunstreaker at bay. As they charged, Scorpion teleported behind Kup, kicking him straight into the spears of the Soldiers. He was punished quickly by Leader One, but the distraction proved fatal enough as the GoBot leader was cut down by Gondor's finest. Springer shot down the soldiers, but Arathorn ran him through. Meanwhile, RC and Sunstreaker had disposed of Wormtongue, the Ghola, and the Fremen before Grishnack took down RC with his scimitar. Arathorn bellowed a warcry and charged, but the gun is mightier than the sword and Sunstreaker was quick on the draw, killing both the orc and the human. He stood proud, basking in his incomparable tactical skills, when a boulder was pushed down on him from the cliff above. At the top, Gollum danced and clapped his hands, cackling out a cheer: "Weak, shiny robotses!"

Thursday, April 23, 2020

The Super Orange, Dramatic Kittens of Luna Vs The Self-described, non-binary individuals of relative below average size

The Kitties are Cicada, Hermione Granger, Starfire,Darth Traya (w/ Red Lantern Ring), Green Goblin, Raven, Medusa, Athena (w/ a Force Saber), Katness Everdeen (in Mandolorian Armor), Bene Gesserit Reverend Mother #1-3, & New Sisterhood Reverend Mother #2-3.

The Midgets are: Mr. Mxyztplk (w/ the 2nd ring of the Dwarf Lords), Darth Maul (w/ a red lantern ring), Atrocitus, Hecate, Stilgar, Allia Atreides, Gurney Halleck, Vorian Atreides w/ Duncan Idaho Ghola #5 in an Apache Helicopter, The Mandolorian w/ Quill and The Child (w/ a blue lantern ring), Yareal Poof, The Huntress (w/ a purple lightsaber), & OA Guardian #1-2.

Wednesday, April 22, 2020

FFL Week 6 2020: Dino-Mites VS. TEAM

Dino-Mites: Ranx The Sentient City, The Fantastic Four in the Fantasticar, Superman Prime, The Black Racer, General Zod, Ursa, Non, Wedge Antilles in an X-Wing, Biggs Darklighter and Beb in an X-Wing 

TEAM: Leader One, Scooter, Perceptor, Turbo, Kup, Springer, R.C., Wheelie, Blur, Sunstreaker, Cy-Kill, Crasher, Cop-Tur

The section of the Outer Rim where this battle takes place is in Isen IV. We start out with Superman Prime leading the Dino-Mites into battle against the Transformer/GoBots filled TEAM. 

The enclosed Fantasticar is speeding into battle but is easily taken out by combined missile shots from Leader One in his Jet Plane form and Cop-Tur in his helicopter form, as the Fantasticar is not built to have such battles in space.

The two Gobots then notice Superman Prime out of their peripheral vision flying towards them, they try their best to defeat him in a dogfight but they do not stand a chance as Superman Prime’s speed and poise are far superior to the GoBots as he kills them both with heat vision shots to their heads.

The rest of TEAM then work together to try and take out some of the Dino-Mites Kryptonians. The Transformers and GoBots find a way to surround Ursa and Non. After a long volley of various sorts of blasts from the Transformers and GoBots they defeat the two kryptonians. 

Springer and R.C. team up to try and take on Wedge and Biggs in their X-Wings. They chase Wedge and Biggs into an asteroid field where after a long dogfight Springer hits Wedge with a shot and he loses control and crashes into an asteroid, where as R.C. goes after Biggs where Biggs can’t shake the transformer and crashes into an asteroid trying to escape but the explosion from the X-Wing causes R.C. to crash into another asteroid and be destroyed.

The rest of the Transformers and GoBots spend their time trying to chase after The Black Racer. The Black Racer is significantly faster than these machines and is basically toying with them, he leads them into an asteroid field where Wheelie, Springer and The Percepter die from crashing into asteroids. The Black Racer then Skis out of the asteroid belt and once the Transformers and GoBots come out of the asteroid field some of them are hit with a huge blasts of Heat Vision as Superman Prime and General Zod combine their heat visions to create a mega heat vision which has Scooter, Cy-Kill and Crasher killed.

The Dino-Mites have Superman Prime, General Zod and The Black Racer left alive while TEAM has Turbo, Kup,Blur and Sunstreaker. After a surprisingly short battle between the last alive from the two teams The Dino-Mites win in a landslide against TEAM as the Transformers and GoBots stood no chance against the power and speed of the Kryptonians and The Black Racer. Then all of a sudden Ranx: The Sentient City appears in the Isen IV sector as the city was running late but thankfully the rest of The Dino-Mites did not need help from the city.  

Week 6: George Washington’s House Elves vs Super Kitties

House Elves: Bizarro Superman, Luke Skywalker in Luke’s Stealth X-Wing, Han Solo and Chewbacca in Imperial Shuttle, Galvatron, Ben Kenobi in Poe’s X-Wing, Mar-Vel, Archangel, Dash Rendar in X-Wing, Captain Panaka and Qui Gon Jinn and Admiral Piett in Nubian 327, Rom, Quark, Wesley Crusher, Commander Ryker, Zaheer, Prince Harry and Princess Meghan in B-Wing, Vampire #3-4

Kitties: Vampire Abeloth w/ Yellow Lantern Ring, Zombie Abeloth, Supergirl, Power Girl, Starfire, Blackfire, The Red Hood in Sith Starfighter, Green Arrow and Black Canary in 2 seater Y-Wing, Red X in X-Wing, Captain Steven Hiller in Y-Wing, and The 100 group in Count Dooku’s Ship

This week’s matchup takes place in the outer rim, and because I like to do a little bit of research, I decided more specifically we’re going to be in the Kanz sector. This really has no relevance and has not only wasted my time looking up some place to be, but now yours because you’ve read this. Since we're already here, I might as well say that the Kanz sector is home to the planet Jerne (I like this one because I imagine saying it like Journey, one of the best bands ever). 

Now that that’s over with, wait that’s two thats, ehh I don’t feel like fixing it. Anyways let’s get this match started. When you look at the Super Kitties in a matchup, you can always look forward to a #feminism movement like we see here today, so much so that Princess Meghan said ‘I’m out’ on the House Elves and switched teams. With Prince Harry all alone, he gets sad and blows up the B-Wing killing himself and Princess Meghan.

As for the other pilots, well I hope none of them also choose the kamikazee route. The House Elves have some good Star Wars pilots like Luke Skywalker, Ben Kenobi (probably needs to get the rust off for not flying in years), and Han Solo and Chewbacca. Wait… there not in the Falcon? Seriously? Yo wtf Chris, you had one job, you got Han Solo and Chewbacca, but couldn’t get the Millenium Falcon, I’m disappointed. You know what, Vampire Abeloth w/ Yellow Lantern Ring comes over and the look of her terrifies Han and Chewie to literally shit themselves which then feeds the Yellow Lantern Ring with their fear and Abeloth blasts them to a thousand bits.

Back to the other pilots… such good pilots, Luke, the black dude flying around Padme alongside the dude who gets stabbed by Maul, the Star Trek crew which aren’t even in a ship, a different version of Robin, Green Arrow and Black Canary couple, THE Will Smith, and a few other unmentioned pilots. This is the start of a huge, epic, glorious--- what? We don’t have the money to create this amazing battle? So you’re telling me I’m just gonna have to say who came out alive? Welp, sorry guys, you heard the producers, all that survived is my guy Will Smith--- I mean Captain Steven Hiller. Even after surviving such a great battle, so good that you could probably write an epic poem about it, like the Iliad, he doesn’t last long before Galvatron says wassup and crushes the ship.

All that’s left are the heavy hitters, and to be honest, it’s not looking good for the House Elves. Either way, Bizarro Superman still rushes into battle and is met with resistance from the girl of steel from two earth’s. Bizarro Superman is not second guessing his course of action, but it’s too late, the girls set in the attack. He’s about to meet his end before last second he rips Supergirl in half, in which 4 death Power Girl gets enraged and heat visions him to implode. Kitties seeing there’s not much work left to do, they all bring their girl power together and #metoo Galvatron out of existence.

As the Kitties celebrate, Mar-vel, Archangel, and Zaheer manage to sneak attack and kill the sisters Star and Blackfire. This leads to the two Abeloths unleashing their might on the remaining House Elves, and in their destruction they not only manage to kill them off, they also kill each other.

The Empire Vs. Charles Barkley's Turrible Decisions

The Empire is Silver Surfer, White Lantern Swamp Thing, War Machine, Xerxes, Lt. Colonel Blue Grass w/ Quicksilver, Talleyhawk, Steelheart, Rayzor, Steelwill, Stronghold, The Copper Kid, & Mayday in The Marage, Zombie Capt. Marvel, Beowolf, Voltron of the Mid Universe, Ben Quadrineros in an ARC Fighter, Jolee Fishdo in an ARC Fighter, Snow White w/ Sleepy, Sneezy, Dopey, Grumpy, Happy, Bashful, Doc, Vampire #2-3, and Thinking Machine #1-8 in The Event Horizon.

Charles Barkley's Turrible Decisions are Hal Jordan, Boba Fett in a TIE Fighter, Saint Walker (w/ a green lantern ring), Guy Gardner, Cyborg in a TIE Fighter, Kilawog, Blue Beetle in a TIE Fighter, Lex Luthor in a TIE Fighter, Green Lantern Sinestro, White Lantern Deadman, Iron Patriot, Space Ghost w/ Mega Man X, and Blip in The Phantom Cruiser, Jan & Jace in their Shuttle, and Starscream's Ghost.

Two great space teams here folks, so let's not waste any time and jump right into the fight. Evenly matched dogfights ensue all over the place between TIE and ARC fighters with Marage and Phantom Cruiser joining in as well. Iron Patriot and War Machine square off immediately; but War Machine finds his Tony Stark hand-me downs to be outmatched against Iron Patriot's firepower. Osborne charges up a laser-guided missile and plants it directly into War Machine's chest to penetrate the armor and take him out.

Jedi Master Fishdo is leading The Empire's flight squadron; but it is pretty apparent that Quadrineros is the best pilot among them. Cyborg, wired into the controls of his TIE Fighter directly takes out Fishdo, flying in ARC 1; but ARC 2 (Quadrineros) uses his heightened senses and podracing skills to target Blue Beetle's TIE. Boba Fett finds that he can't quite do enough damage of the Cymek casing of Xerxes, who eventually clips the wing of Fett's TIE sending it out of control. Fett, manages to regain control and eject, sending out counter-measures that do more damage to The Ancient Titan than his laser blasts initially could. Boba Fett, then further ejects out of his escape apparatus and uses his jetpack to get onto the rear of Xerxes. A few well-placed thermal detonators finish the skirmish. Lex Luthor flies his TIE Fighter methodically and exactly how the schematics dictate; but this doesn't serve him well against the crazy, well-practiced flying of Colonel Bluegrass in the Marage who first ejects the four Silverhawks and their bird companions into the battle and then lights up Luthor with laser blasts. Space Ghost takes a cue from his teammate Boba Fett, who seems to be doing fine sans ship and ejects from The Phantom Cruiser, handing the controls off to Mega Man X. Space Ghost, in a truly O.P. Move proves nothing more than the fact that he was the writer of this match's favorite cartoon character as a kid. This causes the writer to ignore everything he knows about how powerful Dune Neo-Cymeks are and has Space Ghost press some buttons on his arm making Beowolf go boom.

Saint Walker is able to take out Mayday, Steelheart, and Stronghold with his dual lantern powers, but the rest of the Silverhawks team up and kill him with a bunch of spacebird like abilities.

Silver Surfer may very well be the most powerful player in today's game and we all know he can take out green lanterns when necessary, because we all saw what happened in the famous Marvel-DC Amalgam crossover from years back. But it isn't that Sissified-Artsy Raynor he is up against this time. Hal Jordan and Guy Gardner, the true Green Lanterns of earth team up on The Surfer and make him look as weak as he was in that old NES game where he couldn't even touch the walls without dying. Shortly thereafter, another Extremely powerful Empire character falls as Starscream's Ghost keeps taking over different bots in the combined gestalt of Voltron. The poor robot of the Mid-Universe goes insane as Starscream leaps from piece to piece forcing Voltron to play the stop hitting yourself game that every three year old finds hilarious. Voltron's initial robot programming kicks in forcing a self-destruct, which does manage to dissipate Starscream's Ghost along with the self-demise of Voltron.

Zombie Capt. Marvel tries to eat Sinestro's brain, but she dies instead.

White Lantern Swamp Thing proves that he is better with the white lantern power than White Lantern Deadman based solely on the fact that WL Swamp Thing is on death #4 and WL Deadman is not. Swamp Thing wins the power struggle and manages to contain the power; as the other White Lantern ring is ripped from the hand of Deadman and joined with Swamp Thing's making one white ring as the universe intended. Although this brings forth a paradox as Hal Jordan and Sinestro are also brought into the fray. All four of these potential white ring wielders are simultaneously brought together causing a divergence in the Universe. The white lantern ring is the embodiment of life; but so much life must cause death (I know that doesn't make any sense but it sounds like some cheesy, quasi-deep thing a comic book writer like Geoff Johns would say). The ring plants itself firmly onto the mossy finger of Swamp Thing; but unites all four ring bearers in death.

Kilawog wrecks Marage with a huge green fist and is then joined by Boba Fett and Iron Patriot as they face off against the remaining Silverhawks. A furious Steelwill who just lost his sister and his beloved bird manages to crack the shell of Iron Patriot, and Quicksilver sends a piercing karate chop into the heart of Kilawog; but in the end, once the cosmic dust had cleared, all the Silverhawks had fallen and only Boba Fett remained.

The Phantom Cruiser, piloted by Mega Man X is able to take out Ben Quadrineros' ARC Fighter on their way to dock on the massive Event Horizon along with Jan and Jace in their shuttle and Cyborg in his TIE Fighter. They had all received a distress signal from the ship saying that the Empire Members on board were all prepared to surrender as soon as they were boarded by the Barkley's squad. Boba Fett too, received this transmission through his Mandalorian Helmet and made the Turrible Decision of answering the call. The ship seemed abandoned from the outside; but once they entered and heard the door shut solid behind them they all realized that the ship was indeed very functional. Once inside they saw things that I as a Watcher cannot possibly describe. Vampires, dwarves, and vampire dwarves ripping the flesh from the bones of anything in site, creepy and evil thinking machines designed to do intense and vile harm to any bag of flesh they come across, Sam Neil trying to revive his career after being typecast as Dr. Grant from Jurassic Park, and scariest of all: A woman who is able to simultaneously live with seven men. Fett, Mega Man X, Blip, and Cyborg all die gruesome and terrifying deaths at the hands of The evil Event Horizon Ship; so do Jan and Jace; but they are too stupid to feel actual human pain.

It is too late for their teammates to be spared their gruesome demise; but The Event Horizon and its murderous, haunted ways are destroyed externally as Space Ghost and Guy Gardner combine their powers to blow the ship up for good.

Tuesday, April 21, 2020

Week 6: Be Gentle v Striders of Rohan

Be Gentle It’s My First Time: Poe Dameron and BB-8 in Stealth X-Wing, 4 Jedi Knights (all at 4 Deaths) in 4 A-Wings, 2 Guild Navigators in 2 Guild Ships, 2 Jedi Knights in 2 B-Wings, Dr. Fate (4 Deaths), The Terrorcons (Gurrr, Ripper Snapper, Blot, Sinnertwin, Cutthroat, Cindersaur), Zombie Super Boy, King Xeno, Black Lantern Super Boy, Plo-Koon with a Green Lantern Ring in Porkins X-Wing, Beerus God of Destruction, Hera and Zeus, 4 Transformers (All at 4 Deaths), Halo Ring 

Striders of Rohan: The Guardians of the Galaxy (Starlord, Gamora, Drax, Rocket, Groot, Nebula, Mantis) (All at 4 Deaths) In Starlords Ship, Yondu and Kraglin in 2 Y-Wings, Snoke and 10 Hydra Soldiers in a Star Destroyer, Admiral William Kelly (4 Deaths) in TIE Silencer, Apocalypse, Ragnarok, The Comedian in Y-Wing, Visas Marr in Princess Leia’s Stealth X-Wing, Adam Warlock (4 Deaths), White Lantern Hal Jordan (4 Deaths), Earth 2 Batman in X-Wing, IG Bounty Hunter in X-Wing, Steve Yzerman, Goblin 10-12.

Gentle Squad Begins warming up the Halo Ring, set for the destruction of the system, to take them on the glorious journey to the afterlife. Taking defensive positions around the superstructure are the Zombie Super Boy, Black Lantern Super Boy, Guild Ships, Dr. Fate, The Terrorcons, Hera and Zeus, and the 4 Transformers. Snoke exits hyperspace just inside the range of the defenders and begins bombarding them with TurbolasersGurrr and Ripper Snapper are destroyed. Both Teams then launch their fighters with Gentle's goal of destroying the Star Destroyer and Strider's goal to shut down the Halo Ring.  The guild ships begin a charge at the Star Destroyer as the only crew on board are the pilots. Yondu and Kraglin and The Comedian begin a bombing run on the guild ships, with the Guardians, Visas Marr, Batman, and The IG Bounty Hunter providing an escort. But a dogfight ensues when 4 A-Wings, piloted by 4 Jedi Knights, Plo-Koon in Porkins X-Wing and the 2 B-Wings meet them in space.  Amidst the fighting Kraglin, The Comedian, the IG Droid, the 2 Jedi Knights in B-wings, and 2 of the 4 A-Wings are destroyed and One Guild Ship is disabled. Poe and BB-8 Launch from the Halo Ring but quickly come under fire from Admiral Kelly in his TIE Silencer, but following evasive maneuvers, Poe dispatches his opponent.  

Meeting with the rest of the Squad, Poe Leads the offensive against the Star Destroyer. With the guild ship getting very close to hitting the Star Destroyer, the Hydra Soldiers fire a full salvo devastating the Guild Ship and another A-Wing Unlucky enough to be in the path. But upon the loss of one guild ship, Dr.Fate and the 2 Undead Super Boys give the other Guild Ship enough Momentum to begin a second charge. This time the ship makes contact with the bridge causing a chain explosion through the star destroyer killing all inside. In the dogfight surrounding the wreckage Poe, BB-8, Plo, and the A-Wing come under heavy fire from the Guardians, Yondu, Marr, and Batman. Yondu and Batman are quickly outflown by Poe and BB-8 who begin firing upon them, both are destroyed. The Guardians and Marr succeed in destroying the last Jedi Knight and Plo-Koon before retreating.

With the Halo Ring nearing the completion of the warmup, the Striders group for one last big attack. ApocalypseRagnarok, The Guardians, Marr, Adam Warlock, and White Lantern Hal Jordan begin the flight to the Ring where they meet the much larger force of Dr. Fate, Poe Dameron and BB-8, the remaining Terrorcons, Zombie Super Boy, King Xeno, Black Lantern Super Boy, Beerus God of Destruction, Hera, Zeus, and the 4 Transformers. The two sides clashed down upon each other in a 50’s cartoon dust cloud, with Dr. Fate, Poe, and BB-8 being the only survivors but the Halo Ring was damaged leaving it inoperable.  

Saturday, April 18, 2020

Week 5 Charles Barkley's Turrible Decisions vs The Dramatic LGBTQ Kitties From Luna

Charles Barkley’s Turrible Decisions are Q, Q2, Lady Q, q, Colonel Q, and Quinn, Balrogs #1-5, Cyborg, Treebeard, Ents #1-2, Shrek and Donkey, Jedi Padawans #1-15, Venom (Flash Thompson), Bronze Dragons #1-4, Silver Dragons #1-4, Purple Dragons #1-5, Griffens #1-5, White Dragons #1-3, Shield Agents #4-13, Stryker, Haskeer, Coila, Jup, Alfray, and Mani-orcs #1-10, Nazgul #5 on his fell beast, Dragons #1-3, Nurgle the Plaguelord, Skeletor, Nightcrawler, Borg #1-10, Neo Cymeks #1-5, Usagi Yojimbo and Jotaro, Fortress Maximus, his Head, and his Head’s Head, Boba Fett, Mace Windu, Robo-Barkley, Khal Drogo, Saint Walker w/ Green Lantern Ring, Blanka.

The Dramatic Super Kitties of Luna are Vampire Abeloth, Zombie Abeloth, Supergirl, Powergirl, Cicada, Savitar, Goliath of Gath, Iron Giant, Lara Croft, Katness Everden, The Protectobots: Hot Spot, Streetwise, Blades Groove, and First Aid, Aphrodite, Shockwave, Michael Myers, Splinter w/ Force Saber, Hermoine Granger, Hades, Ocean Master, Sonic and Tails, The Immature Radioactive Samurai Slugs, New Sisterhood Sister #1-3, Gold Dragon #2-3, Baby Ewok #4-5, and Bene Gesserit Reverend Mother #1-3. 

Due to precautions being taken for the Covid -19 Outbreak, this match did take place, but no spectators were allowed to witness it; so we do not actually know what happened .  This very well may be how other sports take place in the future. Get used to it.

We noticed that the only person to come back to the locker room alive was:  Usagi Yojimbo; which must mean that CHARLES BARKLEY’S TURRIBLE DECISIONS WERE VICTORIOUS!