Season Four: National League Finals: The Brotherhood of Evil Midgets vs The Right Wing

In honor of the NL Conference Championship, the Watchers have obtained quotes from the owners themselves instead of the combatants.

“Just to let you know, I didn’t wash my hands before eating that hotdog.”
-Josh Houslander

“If Sarah Palin had any less experience, she’d be Barack Obama.”
-Shannon Pilkinton

Nickatu and Bryatu are honored to look upon the teams which will do battle in this Season 4, NLConference Championship Match located on the Playoff Planet. They are as follows:

Brotherhood of Evil Midgets: Mr. Mxyzptlk, Magneto, Count Dooku, Asajj Ventress, X-23, Superboy, He-Man and Battle Cat, Gamera, Smart Grimlock, Ganthet (w/ a green lantern ring), Sayd, Larfleeze, The Leprechaun, Twincast w/ Decibal, Legout, Zombie (movie) Frenzy, Black Lantern Rumble, Black Lantern Laserbeak, Space Ghost w/ Jan, Jace, and Blip, Saeese Tiin and R.O.B. The Robot in a Jedi V-Wing, Red Robin (Tim Drake version) and Gobo in The Thunder Machine, Thundercracker, Skywarp, Tri-eye, Bleez, Blue Lantern #1, Indigo Lantern #2, Star Sapphire #2, Mighty Mouse, Usagi Yojimbo, Space Usagi, Jotaro, Tom Bombadil, Psylocke, Titanus power rangers, Baby Wolverine, Megalon, Qwsp, Bat-Mite bat mxyplik, Queen A'gapo, Mighty Mousette (w/ a Star Sapphire Ring), Capt. Power, Aayla Secura, and R-2 Unit #3 in a Y-Wing Bomber, Durge, Aurra Sing in a Light Plane, Wonder Man, Longshot, Lockheed, Adam Warlock, Link.

The Right Wing: Superwoman, Red She Hulk, The Cosmic Hulk Robot, The Silver Surfer (w/ a green lantern ring), Skaar: Son of Hulk (w/ a green lightsaber), Doc Samson, Zeus, Flash (w/ a blue lantern ring), John Stewart (he has 9 deaths), Blackfire, Quinlon Vos, Athena (w/ an Indigo Lantern Ring), Red Tornado, Nick Houslander (w/ a blue lightsaber and a Devil Lance) (he has 9 deaths), Bear (w/ a green lightsaber and a demon rod), and Magwai #3 and 4 in the Millenium Chowder, Lyra the She Hulk (w/ a green lightsaber), Miss Martian, Zombie Grey Hulk, Black Lantern Sixshot, Goliath, Mr. Freeze, Poseidon, Agamemnon (he is the last remaining member of The Pantheon and has 9 deaths), Victoria (w/ a red lightsaber), The Voltari: Aro, Caius, and Marcus, The Quileute Tribe: Sam, Paul, Jared, and Quil, Kit Fisto, Bulkhead, Bib and Beb, Opee Sea Killer #1-6, Donkey Kong Jr., Bill O'Reilly (w/ a Sith Lavarok), Smurf #3 in an AT-ST, Blue Lantern #2 (has 9 deaths), Darth Malak (he has 9 deaths), Sandstorm, Warpath, Baby Storm, Black Panther, The Wicked Witch of The West, Zombie Jedi Knight #17, Zombie Predator #2 and Zistar Flamgag.


Brotherhood of Evil Midgets Locker Room. . .

We look into the locker room of the Brotherhood. The owner of the Brotherhood, Josh Houslander, holds a large chalice in his hand.

Houslander: It has taken four years of determination to reach this point, but it is not enough! It has taken four years of our sweat to reach this point, but it is not enough! It has taken four years of our blood to reach this point, but it is not enough! It has taken four years of our LIVES to reach this point, but it is not enough! IT IS NOT ENOUGH! Today, I stand before you, as owner of this team and I say to you, IT IS NOT ENOUGH!!! Only if we make it to the Universe Bowl and win is it ENOUGH!!!

Houslander lifts the chalice above his head.

Houslander: In my hand I have the chalice of strength! In my hand I have the chalice of life! In my hand I have the chalice of victory! All who risk their lives on the battlefield-drink! Drink to strength! Drink to life! DRINK TO VICTORY!

The Midgets’ battle cry is heard throughout the regions. All who will enter onto the battlefield drink of the chalice before being transported. The Midgets’ team flashes out of sight. Houslander looks around and takes the dead baby bird out of the cup. . . and smiles.

The Right Wing Locker Room. . .

Shannon Pilkinton looks around her team’s locker room.

Pilkinton: Let’s kick some a$$!

The Right Wing’s battle cry echoes across the regions. The team is then transported.

Since this is the Conference Championship, the Watchers decide to repeatedly transport the combatants to various regions in the blink of an eye. Thus, a member can fight in the Plains Region and in the next instant fight in the Water Region. If they are to be crowned NL Champions, they shall earn it! Let the battle begin. . .

Plains Region. . .

Zombie Jedi Knight #17 faces Durge. ZJK #17 ignites its lightsaber and begins to awkwardly shamble toward the Midget team member.

Durge: I was once buried alive—for 60 years! If that didn't kill me… if the Sith and the Mandalorians and the Bloodboilers of Kragis couldn't kill me—then you will not kill me!

Durge uses his vast weaponry against ZJK #17. Although the Right Winger is able to deflect some of the blasts, it is unable to eventually avoid the constant barrage of the Gen’Dai bounty hunter. A well placed blast takes the head off of ZJK #17 and its body crumples to the ground.

Across the field, Baby Wolverine faces Baby Storm. BS manipulates the weather in a way that she focuses an area such that BW is pummeled with both torrential rain and lightning. The elements take a toll on BW and he falls to the ground. BS flies toward the nearly beaten warrior and stands in front of him.

Baby Storm: Only one baby can survive today!

Baby Storm’s eyes suddenly bulge out of her skull. She looks down and sees Baby Wolverine’s claws ripping into her now-demolished stomach. Baby Storm dies.

Baby Wolverine: That’s right Stormy and I’m that surviving baby!

Forest Region. . .

Bill O'Reilly, Donkey Kong Jr. and Smurf #3 travel through the woods in an AT-ST. The members in the AT-ST spot Aurra Sing in a plane. Although Sing manages to avoid a few of the blasts, the plane is finally hit and crashes into the ground. The AT-ST moves toward the plane and stomps on the fighter; a crunching is heard as the plane implodes. While the AT-ST drivers focus on the demolished plane, they fail to notice Sing slowly floating down in a parachute and landing on a branch above. Suddenly the AT-ST is struck by the bombs of the Y-Wing commandeered by Captain Power, Aayla Secura, and R-2 Unit #3. The AT-ST explodes. The Y-Wing then quickly heads back up into space where it knows it is needed. Before being engulfed in flames though, Bill O’Reilly, Donkey Kong Jr. and Smurf #3 escape through a hatch located on the bottom of the vehicle. Smurf #3 loses O’Reilly and Donkey Kong, Jr. in the rush from the destruction. Smurf #3 wanders through the forest until he faces the Leprechaun.

Smurf #3: Who are you?

Leprechaun: What do I look like, me lad? See the hat? The buckles on me shoes? Why, I'm a Leprechaun!

Before the Smurf can react, the Leprechaun takes a broken stick from the ground and skewers Smurf #3.

Donkey Kong, Jr. races up a stony knoll. The ape spots his prey and begins to throw rocks at Usagi Yojimbo. The rabbit warrior is hit and falls to the ground. Before Donkey Kong Jr. can deliver the killing blow, Mighty Mouse and Mighty Mousette fly to the scene. The two mice use their combined strength and quickness, as well as Mousette’s Star Sapphire ring to crush Kong with his own rocks. Donkey Kong Jr. dies.

Bill O’Reilly comes upon Jotaro.

Bill O’Reilly: Lotsa people want to hurt me. That’s the price you pay for being a big mouth.

Before O’Reilly can react with his Sith lavarok, Jotaro kills the Fox News anchor.

Jotaro: I liked Keith Oberman better anyway.

Space Region…

The Silver Surfer, John Stewart and Superwoman all gather to discuss what they know is going to be the most difficult match of their lives.

Stewart: Look Surf, we are outnumbered two to one out here in space, I say we try to move this battle back down to the planet.

Superwoman: Oh and what, put the rest of our team in danger of these a$$holes? What do you think- we can’t take these guys on ourselves?

Stewart: Yeah, that’s exactly what I’m saying Clara.

Superwoman: My name’s not Clara. . . John!

Stewart: So you say. I’m still not sure that you’re not still with him anyway.

Superwoman: And what the hell is that supposed to mean?

Stewart: I think you know Mixi, or are you Laurel right now? It’s no wonder none of us trust you.

Superwoman: Screw you John! What if I am Mxyzptlk? Are you going to kill me because of it?

As soon as she says this, the real Mr. Mxyzptlk appears out of nowhere.

Mr. Mxyzptlk: Just to set the record straight, I am the only Mxyzptlk in this realm okay. Now don’t go stealing my thunder now.

Stewart: Hey look Claire, it’s your teammate.

This is the tipping point for Superwoman as she sends a blast of heat energy directly at Stewart. Luckily for Stewart, the Silver Surfer blocks the burst and knocks Superwoman back with a stun blast of cosmic energy. Stewart begins to thank the Surfer when he hits him with the same stun blast that he hit Superwoman with. As this all goes down Mxyzptlk roars with laughter. The Surfer then looks over at Mxyzptlk.


Silver Surfer: You, shut up. And for the two of you, either stop arguing or I’ll forfeit the match right now.

Mxyzptlk: I can handle the forfeit negotiations right now if you’d like.

Surfer: That’s it Mixi!

Mxyzptlk: Okay, I’m out of here!

Mr. Mxyzptlk quickly vanishes from the scene.

Surfer: I’m only going to say this one time. Are you two done with this garbage?

They both feebly reply in unison- “Yes” - and the Surfer looks at them both with mild disdain.

Silver Surfer: Okay, now that Kindergarten is over with, I was hoping we can finally get on with it.

The two both nod and begin to fly toward the Y-Wing that has been circling the planet below. John Stewart and Superwoman take the opposing sides of the ship as the Surfer runs cover for them. As Stewarts nods to his teammates, they both send a blast of energy towards the ship. Before they are able to do any damage, Ganthet flies out from the front of the ship and blocks both of their blasts. His blocks are quickly met with retaliatory action from the Silver Surfer, as his blast of cosmic force coupled with his green lantern ring, easily overpower him. Ganthet falls unconscious down to the planet below.

The three Right Wingers then collectively send blasts of energy toward the Y-Wing, completely disintegrating it. Captain Power, Aayla Secura and R-2 Unit #3 perish with their ship. The Surfer then immediately turns back and heads for both of the “common” Midget lanterns. The fight between the Surfer against Indigo Lantern #2 and the Star Sapphire #2 lasts about as long as we thought it would, as both non-green lantern wearing creatures fall within a matter of minutes.

Wonder Man sees this occur and races into mix. He charges directly into the Surfer and actually gets a hold of him…for only a second though, as the Surfer easily overtakes him, breaking his neck in the process.

Superwoman: Well I’ll be damned if the old surfer couldn’t just take on this entire team by himself!

This is the last thing Clara. . . err. . . Laurel. . . err. . . we mean Superwoman says as her head is blown to bits by Superboy, who just so happened to be directly behind her.

Superboy: I’d like to test that theory Dana.

John Stewart: Her name wasn’t Dana, it was…well, it was SUPERWOMAN

John Stewart then unleashes the full power of his ring into the chest of Superboy, which sends him flying hundreds of miles away.

Silver Surfer: So now you’re protective over her?

John Stewart glares over at the Surfer with a look of sheer determination.

John Stewart: Let’s go kill that Mother F#$%er!

Water Region…

Saeese Tiin and R.O.B. the Robot fly their Jedi V-Wing over the area. They cannot see the shapes racing just beneath the water’s surface, tracking the ship. The shapes are actually Poseidon riding sixty foot Opee Sea Killers #1-6. Miraculously, the beasts jump from the water and crash into the Jedi V-Wing. The ship crashes into the water. Saeese Tiin and R.O.B. the Robot have enough time before the crash to jettison from the craft. The two float on the water’s surface. As Saeese Tiin turns around, he sees R.O.B. the Robot swallowed by Opee Sea Killer #2. Tiin ignites his lightsaber. As the sea killers aim to finish Tiin, Gamera flies to the scene. Plasma fireballs shoot from the immense turtle’s mouth and destroy Opee Sea Killers #1 and 3. Megalon bursts from the waters below and destroys Opee Sea Killers #4 and 5. The Seatopian god then combines its immense size and powers with Gamera to destroy remaining Opee Sea Killers #2 and 6. Poseidon swims from the battle, looking to gain an advantage over the two monstrosities at a later time.

City Region- [E Boulevard]. . .

Count Dooku and Asajj Ventress face Darth Malak.

Dooku: I know that you are a constant disappointment to me, but we must put that aside for now if we are to be victorious today.

Ventress: Understood a$$hole.

Dooku: What was that?!?!

Ventress: I said ‘understood master.’

Dooku: That is what I thought you said.

The evil emissaries face a cacophony of sound as Sith lightning and the crashing of lightsabers is heard. Ventress, as always, manages to foil her own efforts and Darth Malak kills her. Malak uses the Force to strangle Dooku and breaks the old man’s neck with a flick of his wrist. After finishing the Count, he turns too late. Black Lantern Laserbeak uses its talons to rip into the Sith Lord. As Malak falls, Black Lantern Rumble and Zombie Frenzy storm the scene and both batter and crush Malak.

Mountain Region. . .

The Wicked Witch of the West stands with Victoria, The Vultari: Aro, Caius, Marcus and The Queilette Tribe: Sam, Paul, Jared, and Quill on a ledge of the mountain.

Wicked Witch of the West: I shall conquer them all!

Victoria: Elphaba! Can’t I make you understand? You’re having delusions of grandeur!

Elphaba looks to Victoria, as well as her other teammates and then bursts into song as she has sung on Broadway numerous times before:

Something has changed within me,
Something is not the same;
I'm through with playing by the rules,
Of someone else's game.
Too late for second-guessing,
Too late to go back to sleep;
It's time to trust my instincts,
Close my eyes: and leap!

It's time to try
Defying gravity
I think I'll try
Defying gravity
And you can't pull me down!

The Wicked Witch of the West begins to slowly rise, holding her broom. Her flight is cut short as Lockheed blows its fiery breath at her. She screams and falls into the snowy mountain landing. Her sizzling body melts the snow beneath her.

W3: I’m melting! Melting away! Melting. . . .

W3 becomes a puddle of water.

He-Man and Battle Cat pounce to the scene. He-Man’s glistening muscles shine from the moisture in the air for all to marvel. He-Man’s musculature astounds Victoria for an instant, but the vampire easily shakes off her vampiric desires and rushes at the Master of the Universe. Meanwhile, Battle Cat races toward the Quileute tribe mates. Battle Cat leaps onto Jared and Quil before they can shape shift. Their human forms are torn apart by the giant feline. Sam and Paul shape shift into their huge wolf forms. The two gang up on He-Man’s steed and manage to kill him. He-Man is now surrounded by not only the Voltari, but by Victoria as well. He-Man manages to dispel with Caius and Marcus, but falls to the combined skill and ferocity of Victoria and Aro.

City Region- [T.O.D. Avenue]. . .

Zombie Predator #2 lies in wait for its prey; it spots Longshot. The alien fires its laser cannon without success. The mutant’s psionic “luck” kicks into overdrive and Longshot manages to avoid the barrage of laser fire. ZP2 then hears footfalls behind it. As the beast turns, he looks down and sees a sword through its gut. The monster pushes himself toward Link and is about to take him with it to its death when Adam Warlock blasts ZP2. Both Longshot and Link wave a “thank you” to Warlock as he flies away.

Desert Region. . .

Red Robin and Gobo move along the sands in the Thunder Machine. They are traveling along when they see something crash land into the desert in front of them. They race over to the object. When they both get out of their vehicle, they notice that the object is none other than their fellow Midget, Ganthet. Ganthet looks badly injured and is unconscious. Red Robin goes over to him to see if he can do anything. He then hears something coming for them with great speed. Robin and Gobo attempt to grab Ganthet and get him back into their vehicle, but the Right Wing members are too fast for them.

Honestly, it was a good thing they didn’t find their way back into the Thunder Machine since the Red She Hulk jumped on top of the vehicle and crushed it with one try. Behind her comes several more Right Wingers. Red Robin tries his hardest to wake the green lantern, but it is no use as Skaar immediately picks Robin up and breaks him in two. Red Tornado then grabs both Ganthet and Gobo and flies them up into the air and then throws them back down again. This action kills Gobo, but actually seems to awaken Ganthet slightly. He is only awake for a couple of seconds though, before he sees his own death due to the might of the Red She Hulk and Skaar. The Right Wingers all roar in victory as they easily defeat their current enemies.

Psylocke: Yes, congratulate yourselves on an unfair victory. That’s what all you right wingers do isn’t it?

These comments enrage both of the Hulks as they instantly run toward the new batch of Midget members. Red Hulk and Skaar head to Psylocke, but as soon as they reach her, they realize that she is not alone. They also see Tom Bombadil, Skywarp, Sayd and Larfleeze.

Skaar: It is of no concern, we will still win this fight.

Red She Hulk: You sure about that? (pauses) I’m just kidding! Let’s kill these sacks of sh@t!

As Psylocke stares at the both of the Hulk relatives from up above, she contemplates how she is going to attack the two of them. This contemplation is cut short though because before she can even react, Red She Hulk pounces on Psylocke and is able to pull her down from fifty feet in the air. Red She Hulk slams her to the ground but Psylocke is able to get up almost immediately. She then blasts Red She Hulk with a bolt of energy that sends her flying down into the sand. After that, she takes control of her mind and makes Red She Hulk use her own fists to repeatedly smash her own face in. Then at the very end, she snaps her own neck.

Psylocke: “Well, now that’s more like it.”

Agamemnon sees this begin to transpire and asks Red Tornado to fly him over to Skaar’s battle. RT does this, but is too late to save the son of Hulk. Agamemnon is so enraged at this point that he smashes Psylocke in the back of the head so hard that it knocks her unconscious. Agamemnon then jumps on her back, knees first as to pin her bottom half to the ground and then literally bends her spine in half, cracking it. He then snaps her neck for good measure and walks away from the completely destroyed body.

Agamemnon is quite pleased by what has just transpired. Though before he is able to celebrate, he is hit with a blast of magic from the Middle Earth creature - Tom Bombadil. The notorious singer of terrible tunes puts a hurting on the final living member of the Pantheon. As Agamemnon lies on the ground in severe pain, Bombadil walks over to him with the purpose of sending down a killing blow. Bombadil kills Agamemnon. Red Tornado then flies over to Bombadil, picks him up and takes him straight in the air. Bombadil attempts to shower the super villain with a barrage of spells but Red Tornado is able to deflect the majority of them. With Bombadil several miles into the air, the Tornado flies as fast as he can into the body of Skywarp, killing them both.

The Red Tornado then looks upon the only two members of the Midgets that he can see and smiles, as he assumes this will be a quick fight. We suppose in one respect that he was correct in his assessment, but we doubt it is the exact scenario he had imagined in his head.

Sayd begins to slowly levitate above the ground with a look of rage that neither member of the Right Wing has ever seen. She then begins to glow so brightly that the Red Tornado, Red She Hulk and Blackfire can no longer see anything else.

Sayd: You killed my beloved even though he was defenseless to your attacks. To say you are going to pay for that is a severe understatement.

Sayd then sends the immense light array toward her opponents and in an instant, incinerates all three of them. Red Tornado, Red She Hulk and Blackfire are killed.

Larfleeze: How did you do that? I want that power! Give it to me!

Sayd: I just eliminated three of our fiercest foes and all you care about is getting my power?!?!

Larfleeze: Just give ME THAT POWER!

Zeus: If she won’t do it, I will be glad to oblige.

Zeus then sends two massive bolts of lightning down onto Sayd and Larfleeze, killing them both.

Zeus: Our loses were great in this region, but now it is time to finally give our team the victory it most rightfully deserves.

Zeus leaves the region.

City Region-[Lukas Street]. . .

The players in this match are now being transported from one region to another in the blink of an eye...

Black Panther is on a rooftop. The Leprechaun pops up next to the superhero. Black Panther takes out his energy dagger.

Leprechaun: I'll take it from you, homie, you'll see, ‘cause you know the Leprechaun is the real O.G.

Black Panther tussles with the Leprechaun. The Leprechaun strikes the Wakandan warrior in the testes and BP grimaces in pain. The Leprechaun then takes a pipe from the rooftop and is about to deal a devastating blow to BP’s head when Mr. Freeze uses his ray and freezes the Leprechaun in place. Victoria springs from the next rooftop and lashes out with her lightsaber. The Leprechaun’s head is lopped off. In response, Durge and Aura Sing combine their bounty hunter weaponry and fire upon Mr. Freeze. Freeze is killed. Saeese Tiin springs from the top of another roof and lashes out at Victoria. The two are in a bitter conflict, but the calm and lethal fighting skill of the Jedi Master is too much for the rambunctious and tenacious vampire. Victoria’s head is severed from her body. Tiin then turns around to see Kit Fisto. The two Jedi Masters circle one another. The two evenly skilled fighters eventually succumb to minor exhaustion. Each takes advantage of this and kill one another with well placed lightsaber blows.

Space Ghost is joined by Jan, Jace and Blip. They are pounced upon by the remaining Quileute Tribe shape-shifted members, Sam and Paul. Sam manages to rip apart Jan, while Paul shreds Blip. Space Ghost and Jace double team Paul and manage to break the shape shifter’s neck. Sam leaps at Space Ghost, his maw opened and teeth gnashing. Before he reaches his goal, Space Usagi slices into Sam’s stomach and kills the beast. Space Ghost looks at Space Usagi, Jace stands by.

SG: Thanks Space Usagi!

SU: No problem Space Ghost!

SG: Jace, you were no help!

Jace: Sorry SG; I’ll try better next time!

SG: You’re beginning to sound like Ventress!

Plains Region. . .

Zistar Flamgag is joined by Quinlon Vos. X-23 unsheathes her adamantium claws. Flamgag looks to Vos.

Flamgag: Although I may be the biggest buffoon ever of the Jedi Order, I will make my team proud!

Flamgag rushes at X-23. He is unable to draw his lightsaber from his hilt and trips on his own feet before reaching X-23. X-23 pierces both eyes of the knight. Vos, shakes his head, knowing that something ludicrous like this would happen. Vos then ignites his own lightsaber. As the two tussle, a screeching can be heard from above. BL Laserbeak streaks at Vos and shreds his back. Vos screams and his pain allows X-23 to take advantage of his weakness. X-23 imbeds her claws deep into Vos, who dies. BL Sixshot comes to the fray and repeatedly strikes BL Laserbeak with his weapons. The one BL Transformer succumbs to a horrible fate caused by the other. BL Laserbeak is destroyed. Across the field, Magneto stands alone. He focuses on BL Sixshot and uses his immense magnetism powers to crush the Transformer. Weapons fire across the sky as BL Sixshot faces its fate. Cosmic Hulk Robot lands at the scene.

Magneto: I don’t think so today, my friend.

Magneto’s forehead is seen sweating and the veins in his forehead begin to bulge as Magneto rips the Cosmic Hulk Robot apart. He then uses the robot’s body as a shielding which contains the powers innate in CHR. He sees his enemy across the way and creates two containers. Aro, Bib and Beb, Goliath and Doc Samson race toward Magneto, hoping to destroy the mutant before his “cosmic bombs” can be delivered. Magneto uses a smaller container containing CHR’s essence and floats it at Aro, Bib and Beb, Goliath and Doc Samson. They do not reach the mutant in time. They close their eyes as the blast engulfs them and leaves them as nothing but cinder and ash.

Forest Region. . .

Superboy wakes up in the middle of the forest trying to remember what happened to him. He sits up and hears fighting in the distance, but is unable to see anything. He then remembers the blast from the lantern ring and the pain that was associated with it. Although it has taken a lot out of him, he knows that he will be fine soon enough. The Kryptonian sits for another minute before he is ready to go. He then jumps up and flies, knowing that his team will be in need of his help.

Zombie Grey Hulk shambles across the forest floor. He feels a stabbing pain in his leg and looks down to see Baby Wolverine.

BW: Hey bub, I’m coming for your head!

BW grapples up the body of ZGH. He stabs ZGH in his neck. ZGH lets out a small bellow, noting the hindrance of this feisty, little roughneck. As BW attempts to blind the zombie, ZGH manages to grab him. ZGH rips BW in two and opens his mouth, sucking on BW’s intestines as if it were spaghetti. The Usagis then pop onto the scene.

Usagi Yojimbo, tired from his previous outing, arrives with his kinsman, Space Usagi. The two do not fare well as ZGH rips the rabbits apart before they are able to deal any form of deathblow to the zombie.

Before any more damage can be caused by ZGH, Superboy flies at the monster with supersonic speed. Superboy crushes ZGH’s skull and the zombie falls to the ground-no longer undead, just dead. Though Superboy is pleased with his kill, he knows that the real threat is up above. He takes one last deep breath and heads back into the space that he was born to fight in.

Space Region…

John Stewart races across the stars with the fire of a solar flare; the Silver Surfer follows directly behind him. The green lantern still feels the burn of the death of Superwoman, a death that he still does not quite understand why it is affecting him so. As he is getting ready to make the plunge down onto the planet, he notices a flicker from down below that is now heading directly for the two of them.

John Stewart: That’s him!

The Surfer just nods and instantly stops where he is. He turns around and takes off up above him.

Silver Surfer: Stay where you are and use your ring to burn as brightly as you can.

John Stewart: What the hell?!?

Silver Surfer: I’m not asking your permission.

Though Stewart is weary of the plan, he knows that the Surfer is far wiser then he would ever be and does exactly as he is told. As he turns himself into the brightest shade of green he can project, he looks all around him and finds himself staring at a hundred different versions of himself everywhere he can see. He then hears the Surfer yell one last thing toward him.

Silver Surfer: Now go kill that mother f@$#er.

As Superboy finally re-enters the vacuum of space, he finds himself suddenly surrounded by a hundred versions of the same lantern that he was knocked back down to earth by previously. He then takes off in the opposite direction and attempts to avoid the army of Stewarts. The retreat is short lived, as it doesn’t take long for the Right Wing members to catch up to him and completely engulf the Kryptonian. The fight is brutal and by the time they are done with him he is very near death. Then out of nowhere, everyone vanishes except for the actual John Stewart.

Superboy: You could have just killed me; why the theatrics?

John Stewart: Because you’re the one who killed her.

Superboy: I didn’t even think you liked her.

John Stewart: I don’t, but nobody and I mean nobody f@$%s with her except me!

With that said, John Stewart sends his ring wearing hand completely through the face of the now dead superhero. The Surfer then meets back up with his teammate and stares directly at him.

Silver Surfer: You feel better now, you ignorant hot head?

Stewart just looks at him and smirks before the two of them head back down to the planet where they know the final battle will shortly be taking place.

Mr. Mxyzptlk (appearing out of nowhere as he watches his two opponents head back down to the planet’s surface): Oh boy, this final’s gonna be a doozy!

City Region - [Promised-but-not-given Sketchcard Square]. . .

Nick, Bear and Mogwai #3 and 4 come rolling down the street in their cherry Dodge Daytona Pacifica a/k/a Millennium Chowder. They are enjoying the nice breeze and the sunshine that the day has so far provided. The looks on each of their faces give off the feeling of complete and utter relaxation. This all seems very odd at first glance; this being the NL conference finals and all. As the scene unfolds though, one begins to understand the reasoning behind their state of comfort as they are being flanked on all sides by the Flash, Athena, Miss Martian and Blue Lantern #2.

Nick: I am grateful for the protection and all, but you don’t make it through four full seasons in this league without being able to handle yourself, you know.

Bear: Shut the f$@% up dude and just enjoy it. This could be your last match you know.

Nick: Could be, but it won’t be. I’m not going anywhere.

Bear likes the positive attitude, but being ultra arrogant himself, he knows the downside to it all too well. As they continue down the road, they notice a massive roadblock. The noise coming from in front of them is surprising, though when you are a gigantic robot, we suppose being stealthy is pretty much out of the question.

Nick (music coming from the robots up ahead): Nice! You hear that Jack; they’re playing the “Boss.”

Bear: Yeah. You hear that Clarence died this weekend?

Nick: Yeah, I did. [Nick wipes away a tear that instantly appears]. It’s like a family member passed dude.

Flash: Why are we protecting these two again?

Miss Martian: Just keep on moving and help us clear this place out as quickly as possible. Once old silver body gets down here we can hopefully end this thing asap.

Flash: ASAP?

Miss Martian: “As soon as possible, it’s an acronym.

Flash: I know what asap means. I was questioning your use of the word.

Athena: Oh my G-d, shut up! Come on blue, leave these two wordsmiths to themselves and help me kill these jackasses.

Athena and Blue Lantern #2 race off ahead of the Chowder and go right for the kill. Blue Lantern #2 received a heaping supply of green energy from both John Stewart and Silver Surfer as the match began, so with the use of his blue ring and Athena’s Indigo powers, they find it very easy to take out Black Lantern Rumble. The Blue Lantern then blasts both Decibel and Legout in two while Athena picks up Zombie Frenzy and sends his body through the face of Megalon, killing both of them.

Nick: What the hell are they doing up there?!?! I want some of this action!

Flash: You know what then, have at it kid!

Flash then moves behind the car and races it right up into the middle of the action. This naturally delights the impulsive Mr. Houslander as he jumps out of the car just in time as Smart Grimlock manages to crush Mogwai #3 and 4, who leap out from the car at the same time. Houslander begins firing his double barrel shotgun directly at the body of Smart Grimlock.

Smart Grimlock: Is this human kidding me?

Miss Martian: G-d D#$@it Nick!

Miss Martian sees Nick firing on the metal T-Rex and flies into the fray, picking up the ignorant human.

Nick: What are you doing! I had him!

MM: Not even you are dumb enough to think that. Now please stop acting like an a$$hole and actually try not to get yourself killed!

Nick: Just put me down! I can take care of myself!

MM (under her breath): No you can’t, you ‘tard!

MM then slowly flies Nick down near his car and heads for the brilliant T-Rex.

MM: Let’s see if you can outsmart this!

As she says this, she unloads a huge amount of optic energy at the Dinobot, significantly injuring him. Though hurt, Grimlock is able to get his bearings quickly. Before the beast is able to attack the green skinned woman, she suddenly disappears. As smart as the Dinobot is, he is unable to figure out what just happened. Out of nowhere, he turns to his own teammate and knocks him into a building. As Twincast realizes what has just happened to him, he finds himself underneath the crushing foot of what he thought was his teammate. As Grimlock finally feels the spark leave Twincast’s metal body, he turns his attention to Thundercracker. He begins to run at the transformable jet with his energy sword in hand when Thundercracker takes evasive action and takes off to the sky. As he makes a flyby around the Dinobot, he screams.

Thundercracker: What the hell are you doing Grimlock?!?! We’re on your team!

Grimlock: Sorry, Grimlock’s not home right now, but if you’d like to wait just a second I think I might be able to find him.”

With that, Miss Martian reappears out of nowhere and blasts Thundercracker right in his left wing, sending him to the ground. Once he crash lands, the mind controlled Grimlock takes his sword and stabs it directly through the chest cavity of the Transformer. Once Thundercracker dies, Miss Martian releases Grimlock from his mind controlled stupor and allows him to take in the devastation he had caused his own team.

Grimlock: What have I done? I didn’t mean to do any of it!

Flash: Well, at this point I’m afraid your apologies just aren’t going to help you in that regard.

Grimlock looks over at the blurred figure that was the Flash and before he knows it, the Dinobot is taken down and destroyed by the combined forces of Miss Martian, Athena and the Flash.

As this goes on, we realize that Nick had snuck around the corner of a building and had been watching Blue Lantern #1 take on Blue Lantern #2. Though Nick was equipped with a light saber and a devil lance for this match, he preferred the warm wood grain finish of his double barrel shotgun. The battle was easily going in #2’s favor when out of the blue (no pun intended), Bear comes driving up in the Millennium Chowder.

Bear: Hey guys, what’s going on?

Blue Lantern #2: Get the hell out of here! I have this under control!

Once he turns his attention toward Bear, Blue Lantern #1 gains the upper hand and blasts #2 through a near by building, knocking him unconscious.

Blue Lantern #1: Bad move you furry piece of sh@t.

Nick points his gun at the blue lantern wearing creature.

Houslander: Who you calling a piece of sh@t, you blue ring wearing son of a b@%ch.!

The Blue Lantern laughs, looking at the overly confident human.

Blue Lantern #1: “You have a gun. I have a ring. You honestly think you stand a chance against me?

Nick: More then just a chance pal!

Blue Lantern #1: Oh yeah, how’s that?

Nick: “You’re forgetting one major detail here. You’ve only got one ring; but I’ve got two barrels.

As he finishes his word ‘barrels,’ Houslander unloads both barrels of his shotgun and blows the ring wearing right hand off of the former ring-bearing Midget. In the time it takes for the former Blue Lantern #1 to process what has happened to him, Nick has already reloaded both barrels of his shotgun again and is standing right next to him. With both barrels pressed up against his head, Houslander arrogantly states “Hail to the King Baby” and pulls the trigger.

Bear: Oh what the hell dude! You could of at least gave me a warning about that one. Now I have blood all over me!

Nick: Suck it up bud; it gives you character.

The remaining Right Wingers head toward the Dodge Daytona and congratulate Houslander on his kill. Given, if he would have just let Blue Lantern #2 do his thing, this would have all been over a lot sooner, but that’s neither here nor there. Houslander continues to gloat for a while over his kill when Athena reminds them all that they are still far from victory. After her teammates jibed her for sometime about this, they all get back into formation and head back down to where they know this match will finally find its conclusion.

The Final Melee. . .

The remaining Brotherhood are Mr. Mxyzptlk, Magneto, X-23, Gamera, Space Ghost, Jace, Mighty Mouse, Tri-Eye, Bleez, Jotaro, Titanus power rangers, Qwsp, Bat-Mite, Queen A'gapo, Mighty Mousette (w/ a Star Sapphire Ring), Durge, Aurra Sing Longshot, Lockheed, Adam Warlock and Link.

The remaining Wingers are Silver Surfer (w/ a green lantern ring), Zeus, Flash (w/ a blue lantern ring), John Stewart (he has 9 deaths), Athena (w/ an Indigo Lantern Ring), Nick Houslander (w/ a blue lightsaber and a Devil Lance) (he has 9 deaths), Bear (w/ a green lightsaber and a demon rod, Lyra the She Hulk (w/ a green lightsaber), Miss Martian, Poseidon, Bulkhead, Blue Lantern #2 (has 9 deaths), Sandstorm, Warpath and Black Panther.

Houslander revs up the engine to the Millenium Chowder. Alongside him are Bear and Black Panther.

Houslander: Hey BP?

Black Panther: Yeah?

Houslander: You one malt likah pickah!

BP: What!

Houslander: Sorry, always wanted to say that.

Houslander looks out of his windshield, steps on the gas and races into battle. The car appears to stop just before reaching the Midgets. The three Wingers look around and notice Mxyzptlk, Qwsp and Bat Mite floating in the car.

Bat Mite: They were interesting were they not?

Mxyzptlk: Yes they were.

Qwsp: Quite right!

Mxyzptlk: Think it’s time to go now gentle friends, don’t you?

Qwsp: I would say so.

The combined reality warps and the battlefield in front of the Millenium Chowder fades away into obscurity. The car is in the air, racing to nothingness. Houslander, Black Panther and Bear look out of the car and see only the ground below. . . five hundred feet below and quickly approaching.

Houslander: I DON’T WANT TO DIE LIKE THELMA AND LOUISE-I HATED THAT CHICK FLICK (although Brad Pitt was shirtless in that one)!!! DON’T LET ME DIE!!!

As if in response to Houslander’s call, he is ripped from the car by Stewart with his green lantern ring. The other passengers, Bear and Black Panther, are not as lucky as the car crashes with their bodies in it. They are mashed like potatoes on Thanksgiving. Houslander floats to the ground and stands again with his teammates.

Gamera is pummeled by Zeus, Athena and Poseidon. Although the Tojo monster is immense, it cannot sustain the damage repeatedly forced upon it by the gods’ combined efforts. Durge and Aurra Sing attempt to focus on the Flash by firing their blasters at various points where they believe the speedster will go. It is without avail though as the Flash’s speed and ring are too much for the bounty hunters. Eventually, Flash positions the two in a way where they fire upon each other. The two look down at the holes in their chest, realizing that they have killed their own teammates; that they have killed each other. The Flash zooms away as the bounty hunters hit the ground, dead.

Jace rushes at Lyra the She Hulk. Jace momentarily turns around, calling to his leader.

Jace: I won’t disappoint you now Space Ghost! I. . .

Jace’s next sentence is cut short as he looks down and sees a green lightsaber protruding from his chest. Lyra slices through his body and Jace falls to the ground.

Space Ghost: I guess you just did, Jace.

Lyra then rushes at Space Ghost and kills the hero. She looks up to see Queen A’gapo, Mighty Mouse and Mighty Mousette. Although Lyra manages to kill Mighty Mouse, the two female ring wielders are then joined by Tri-Eye, Adam Warlock and Bleez. The group overpowers and eventually kills Lyra. The other lanterns then enter the fray. Blue Lantern #2, Flash, John Stewart and Athena duke it out with the remaining Midget lanterns. In a spectacular battle, the lanterns basically destroy one another. Tri-Eye and Bleez kill Blue Lantern #2. Stewart manages to kill Mighty Mousette. Flash and Athena kill Queen A’gapo. Stewart then joins Flash and Athena, killing both Tri-Eye and Bleez.

Titanus fights the trio of Winger Transformers- Bulkhead, Sandstorm and Warpath. In robot mode, the trio unleashes both their fighting skills and weapons into the Power Ranger beast. Titanus gains the upper hand at one point and smashes Bulkhead; Bulkhead is destroyed. Warpath then uses his large gun to blow a hole into Titanus. Titanus is mortally devastated, but with him takes Sandstorm. Warpath looks down at the wreckage and suddenly explodes for an unknown reason.

Miss Martian uses her optic force blast to easily dispel with Link. She turns and sees Adam Warlock. In retaliation of his teammate’s demise, Warlock manipulates energies into a cosmic blast, which burns Miss Martian alive. Athena uses her indigo ring to create a lance-like projection, which she hurls at Lockheed. The dragon cannot avoid the projectile and is skewered. Lockheed falls to the ground, dead. As Athena turns, she is struck by Jotaro. Athena laughs as she kills the fighter in only a matter of seconds due to her godlike abilities. Longshot’s psionic luck runs out as he is killed by Flash and John Stewart. Warlock then flies to the scene and uses his full cosmic abilities to kill the Flash. Stewart and Athena then focus on Warlock. Qwsp, Mxyzptlk and Bat-Mite, again use their abilities to warp reality. This allows their teammate Warlock take advantage of the current situation. Warlock, combined with the efforts of the diminutive trio, destroys both Stewart and Athena. Reality is again in place as Warlock is killed by a passing Silver Surfer. His cosmic essence is then stolen into a small sphere created previously by Magneto. With the fight appearing to be near the end, the three sprite-like beings disappear.

X-23 stands before Magneto as they are faced by Silver Surfer, Zeus and Poseidon.

Surfer: Stand behind a girl? What cowardice!

Magneto: I stand behind no one.

Surfer: You’re right.

The Silver Surfer unleashes the power cosmic and rips X-23 apart.

Zeus: Now you have no one.

Bat-Mite: We ain’t no one!

Qwsp: Yeah, we ain’t!

Mxyzptlk: We stand with you, brother.

As Zeus, Poseidon and the Surfer unleash their full powers at Magneto, Bat-Mite, Qwsp and Mxyzptlk stand in Magneto’s way, sacrificing themselves for the one who they believe will win this battle for not only them, but for the entire Midget team.

Surfer: You stand alone now.

Magneto: I stand not alone, but with others who have passed on before me.

Magneto flings his cape away and a small sphere, emitting a glow rises.

As the sphere gets closer to the Winger trio, it begins to increase in size. The cosmic forces once contained within Warlock and Cosmic Hulk Robot are pulsating within the sphere containing them. As the sphere increases in velocity, it also increases in size, due to the shielding of the robots who perished before on the battle field. Magneto is controlling the sphere such that the size increases and then decreases, causing additional chain reactions of the cosmic powers contained within.

Magneto: And now. . . the others. . . stand with me!

Magneto unleashes the cosmic bomb which, controlling the magnetism around himself, destroys only that which it is focused upon-Silver Surfer, Zeus and Poseidon. The godlike and cosmic powers wielded by the three are not enough to bypass the explosion’s intensity. The Wingers are destroyed. Magneto looks upon the battlefield. He turns his back and is struck by a barrage of projectiles. Magneto turns around and sees Nick Houslander.

Nick has scavenged the rings of the lantern wielders who have fallen in battle. The rings have shielded Houslander from the blast. Now, not only is he equipped with a blue lightsaber, a devil lance and a double barrel shotgun, he now wears two blue lantern rings, two star sapphire rings, three green lantern rings, an indigo ring and a red lantern ring.

Houslander: COME GET SOME!

Magneto dodges the barrage of lantern projectiles that Houslander throws at him. He stands behind the wreckage and bodies strewn across the battlefield.

Magneto: You forget, Nick!

Nick: What?!?!

Magneto: You forget!!!

Nick: Okay, I’ll bite, what did I forget?!?!

Magneto stands up from behind the carnage.

Magneto: That rings are metal.

Crunching is heard as Nick’s fingers are dislocated by the rings as they rip from his hands. Nick falls to the ground. His is in immense pain and near tears. Magneto comes to him.

Magneto: You have fought valiantly today, Mr. Houslander. You have even outlasted your super-powered brethren. But today shall be known as the day Mr. Nick Houslander suffered his tenth and final death in the FFL. It shall also, more importantly, be the day known as the Brotherhood of Evil Midgets winning the NL Conference Final Match.

Nick (smiling): Maybe. . . Maybe. . . But I’ll be back next year. . . As the phoenix rises, so shall Nick Houslander. . . Better than before. . . Better than ever!!!!

Magneto: Defiant to the end. . . . Maybe you will come back next year better than ever. . . But that is next year, my friend. . . That is next year. . .

A scream is heard as Nick Houslander meets his tenth death: THE BIRD IS THE WORD!!!!

The Right Wing: All dead.

The Brotherhood of Evil Midgets: Only Magneto survives.

THE BROTHERHOOD OF EVIL MIDGETS IS VICTORIOUS AND ENTERS THE UNIVERSE BOWL FOR SEASON 4!



Alternate Ending- The Final Melee:

NICKATU AND BRYATU GO TO IHOP AND HAVE THE EGG SCRAMBLER GRAVY SPECIAL. THE TWO ACCIDENTALLY SHART AND KILL THE ENTIRE REMAINING TEAM MEMBERS OF BOTH THE MIDGETS AND WINGERS! BY DEFAULT- MONTANA AND OBAMA ARE THE NL CHAMPS AND B3 IS THE AL CHAMPS! ON TO THE UNIVERSE BOWL!!!