Prologue 4: A New Hope: Rabblerousers Vs. The Empire

Season 5: Postseason
King of the Consolation Match: Layander's Super Orange Kitties and Cats Living Together to Make a New Family vs Xavier's Annihilation Squad

Real Man and I enter the Home Depot. "REAL MAN IS HUNGRY!!!" he shouts, pointing at the hot dog stand. "Then get something, Eric. I suppose we still have a few minutes to kill." I suggest. Real Man stands there like a lost dog. "Um, Eric? Is everything okay?" I ask. "REAL MOM CUT OFF REAL MAN'S ALLOWANCE!!! REAL MOM IS A REAL BITCH!! SO SAYS REAL MAN!!!" "Really Eric? Not only am I trying to help you, but I've got to foot the bill too?!? Ugh... Fine..." I say, handing Real Man a couple bucks. He returns with a plain hot dog. Not even a bun. He holds it out, seemingly offering it to me. "What the Hell Eric? You just said you were hungry!" "REAL MAN ONLY EATS PRE-SLICED HOT DOGS!!!" "Then cut it up, Eric." "REAL MAN HAS BEEN RESTRICTED FROM USING SHARP OBJECTS FOR HIS OWN GOOD!!! SO SAYS REAL MOM!!!" he yells. "Fine Eric..." I oblige knowing that if he's eating, then he's not bitching about something. "Ok, Eric, as I was about to say..." "REAL MAN IS THIRSTY!!!" "Why didn't you get something when you got the dog?" I ask. "REAL MAN WAS HUNGRY THEN, NOT THIRSTY!!! NOW REAL MAN IS THIRSTY!!!" I dig back into my pocket and hand him a few more dollars. "Just get a Coke, and let's get moving." I advise. "SPRITE!!! REAL BITCH WON'T LET REAL MAN HAVE CAFFEINE!!!" "Whatever Eric, just get something. We're going to miss it." Real Man takes one drink and drops the bottle on the ground, spilling the contents everywhere. "C'mon man! That pop was too overpriced to take just one sip!!!" I say. "SODA BUBBLES BURN REAL MAN'S TONGUE!! SPRITE IS BULLSHIT!!!" "Ok, whatever, we gotta go." I say. "REAL MAN MUST GO TO THE POTTY!!!" "Really?!? OK, but hurry, we're really pushing it now!" I explain, looking at my watch. Again, Real Man stands there lost. "Dude. Go already." "STRANGER DANGER!!!" exclaims Real Man. "Then you'll have to hold it, I am NOT taking you to the bathroom. Anyways... Where was I? Oh yeah... So NFG Mike decided to do good for the FFL, instead of just just helping himself and the X.A.S. This lead to the Finals of the Consolation Round. Would NFG Mike get the nod, or was he destined to be a FFL bottom feeder forever more?

"Look dude, no hard feelings" says the newest FFL owner as he sits down by the agonizing Doozer. He pulls out a baggie and continues "How's about we smoke 'em peace pipe before I finish you off, just so you know there's nothing personal." He holds out the baggie to the Doozer who now begins convulsing and screaming as if he's been lit on fire.

"GET IT AWAY FROM ME!!!! IT BURNS!!!! IT BURNS!!!!!" he screams.

"Dude, It's only weed. It's perfectly natural and can't kill you" the puzzled NFG says

"YOU IDIOT!!! MARIJUANA IS KRYPTONITE TO A DOOZER!!!! SOMETHING THAT RELAXES YOU AND MAKES YOU NOT REALLY CARE ABOUT WORKING???!!!! GET IT AWAY!!!!"

"Really? Huh. I'll be damned." says Mike. "Well dude, I hate to see you like this, and like the saying goes No friend of weed? No friend indeed." He pulls out his lightsaber and puts Doozer #7 out of his misery.

"AND NFG IS CROWNED KING OF THE LOSERS 2012!!! REAL MAN REMEMBERS THIS!!!" "Eric, this wasn't really about being the king of anything. This was a new beginning. It was the FFL's way of telling NFG that his past sins were forgiven. It was an opportunity to be better than before. To signify that NFG was done with his old ways, he rechristened his team "The Royal Highness. Partly because of the crown, partly because of his vices, but mostly because Krisatu came up with a better name than NFG could think of..." "STILL POINTLESS!!! REAL MAN IS PISSED!!!' I see that this is true both figuratively AND literally, as Real Man has a weaker bladder than I thought. "Eric, open your eyes! NFG did this with the X.A.S., which was actually a pretty good team. You inheirited The Transfoamers, probably the worst of the worst. EVER. It's not going to be easy for you." "SOUNDS LIKE A JOB FOR REAL MAN!!! A REAL MANJOB!!!" It takes everything I have to not die laughing on the spot. "Maybe.. HA... Maybe... you need to experience The Transfoamers legacy first hand... May the deity of your choice help us all..." I say grimly as we teleport away.