Grindhouse Vs Horsemen

Grindhouse is

Mogo, Birdbrain, Bristleback, Scowl, Icepick, Slog and Wildfly (Tranformers. They join together to form Monstructor), Siren w/Trident, Xebel Soldiers #16-20, Nekron, White Lantern Abin Sur, Yellow and Orange Lantern Hal Jordan, Red Lantern and Star Sapphire Guy Gardner, Indigo Lantern John Stewart, Blue Lantern Kyle Rayner w/ Ion's green lantern ring, Bucky O'Hare Crew consisting of Bucky O'Hare w/ green lightsaber, DeadEye Duck w/ red lightsaber, Bruiser w/ red lightsaber, Willy Duwitt, Pilot Jenny in a Z-95 Headhunter, and AFC Blinkie, Sandworm #12, Destro w/ Magnokryptonite, Baroness w/ SPIN tech, Iron Patriot, Cosmic Spider-Man, Chris Seeney w/ red lantern ring, Jar Jar Binks, Life Model Decoy

Horsemen are 

Witch King of Angmar (Team Captain), Anti Monitor, The One Above All, Superman, Flamebird, Nightwing, Oa Guardian #3, Oa Guardian #4, Krona, White Lantern Sinestro, Dark Archangel, Snowflame, Tripticon, Black Lantern Yoda, White Suit Anakin Skywalker, Dracula, Black Lantern Chris Artrip, Black Lantern Julie Artrip, Bedtime Bear, Fry Guy #1, Technodrome and 3 of its transport modules

Griffin: OH S**t!!!!!! I MISSED THE FIGHT! Man now I gotta make it all up.

As Griffin sat on what was left of the Anti-Monitor to write his story Jar Jar’s corpse began to move.

Griffin: Seriously now I gotta deal with zombies? This blows.

Griffin picks up a piece of shrapnel, raises it above his head, and just as he is about to crush the zombies skull something bursts out of the torso!

Bedtime Bear: STOPPPPPP!!!!!!! IAM NOTA ZOMBIE!

Griffin: Dude that is f**KED up! How long were you in there.

 Bedtime Bear: You don’t wana know.

Griffin: Alright well I am kinda in a jam here, you think you could tell me what happened?

Bedtime Bear: Seriously I’ve been chewing gungin a** since Tuesday waiting for you to come pick me up and now you want me to do your job for you?

Griffin: Yep.

Bedtime: Typical. We all waited around for you but when you didn’t show up after like EIGHT F**KIN HOURS we got a little restless and just said f**k it. Dracula and I took one of those drill cars out on a scouting mission. We came across this boney a**  muf**ker, an Drac’s like “Yo I got this”, So he steps out and walks up to old boy and I am thinking in my head oh yea Dracula’s about F**k this cat up. NOPE! Dracula took one swing the dude caught it and his had turned to dust. Dracula started scream” OHHHH MY HAND! MY HAND! HELP ME JESUS! Then the skeletor dude ripped out Dracula’s heart and he burst into flames. It looked just like that scene in Indiana jones and the temple of doom. You know the one Iam talkin about?

Griffin: Yea I know, keep goin with the story.

Bedtime Bear: Alright yea so in hind sight that s**t was pretty cool But at the time IT WAS SCARY AS HELL! I turned that drill car around and hauled balls back to base. Unfortunately I lead the scary a** skeleton right to my team. I was right in the middle of warning everybody when he blew through the door. Oa Guardian #4 hit him with a blast of energy but it didn’t do anything. He just grabbed his head with both hands and sucked the life out of him. Don’t ask me how he did it without lips cause I don’t know. Oa Guardian #3 and Krona rushed him but he knocked them over with their buddy’s corpse. Flamebird and Nightwing both got shots in but it was very counterproductive cause their arms rotted of as soon as they touched him. Without any arms it was pretty easy for him to rip out their brains. White lantern sinestro jumped on his back and started punching him in the skull, at first I was like “dude did you not just see everybody else turn to dust when they touched him but obviously he knew something I didn’t cause he was doin pretty good. Right when I start thinkin we’ve got things under control the whole top of the technodrome gets ripped off by some faggy rainbow energy. I thought the captain planet kids had showed up or something but it was just a bunch of lanterns. The Black Lantern Artrip’s tried to fight them but they were way out matched. Superman said we needed to spread out so you know how when the hulk claps his hands together and it makes a huge shockwave and destroys everything?

Griffin: Yea.

Bedtime Bear: THAT’S WHAT HE DID! The Blast sent everybody flying. I was pretty dazed and by the time I got to my feet this giant f**kin worm had popped out of the ground and was tryin to eat me. Luckily Superman came up and set it on fire with his heat vision. Just when I thought I had seen it all the sun is suddenly eclipsed. When I turned around there was this giant green planet coming right for us, It was comin so fast that I didn’t think I could get away so I just stood there but superman saved me again. He must be a fan of the show or something. The impact of the green planet created a massive earthquake that opened up a crack in the planet. Superman set me down and raced over to fight the lanterns who were kickin the s**t out of the Guardian and Krona. That all changed once we found out who had thrown the planet at us. It was the one above all, He showed up with the anti-monitor and they started layin waste to those lantern motherf**kers. One of them got ripped in half, one was eaten, one vaporized and two squashed.

Griffin: Damn. Well give me more details who got what?

Bedtime Bear: Abin Sur got vaporized, Hal Jordan and Guy Gardner got squashed, John Stewart was eaten, and Kyle Rayner got ripped in half.

Griffin: Alright cool thanks.

Bedtime: Okay where was….. I oh yea so, Monstructor tackled the anti-monitor to the ground and began landing some brutal shots. The one Above all was gana help him but the bucky O’Hare crew flew in and started shooting him in the face. It looked like somebody trying to swat a fly and then it looked like somebody swatting a fly. He even looked at the smear in the palm of his hand and then whipped in off on his shirt or whatever he was wearing; I mean that might even have been his skin I dunno. Anyway once the one above all turned his attention back to Monstructor he had no chance. The duo tried out a new move they had been practicing in the gym they call it the Cosmic Death drop. The Anti-Monitor Charges Monstructor with antimatter then the one above all picks him up and begins the back drop Anti monitor Finishes the move by performing a neckbreaker as Monstructor is in midair. The impact vaporizes Monstructor.  I got hit from behind by Chris Seeney, I think he had rabies or something cause he was foaming at the mouth. Chris was just about to kill me when superman flew by and ripped his head off.

Griffin: Again he saved you?

Bedtime Bear: I know right, I gotta send that dude a fruit basket or something. Yea so after the like tenth near death experience in like twenty minutes I worked up enough courage to attack somebody. Destro and the Baroness were in a pretty heated battle with White suit Anakin skywalker, so I figured I could take them from behind. I was so wrong. Soon as I got close F**kin albino darth Vader cuts my ear with his back swing. But I kinda got an assist cause Destro tripped over me and that allowed good Vader to cut his head off, once he was dead he had no problem choking the baroness to death. Things kinda quieted down for a second, we regrouped and tried to figure out if we had anybody left to kill, that’s when they attacked. The iron Patriot, Siren, Xebel Soldiers #16-20, nekron, and cosmic spiderman charged us. The Iron Patriot, Siren, and the Xebel Soldiers focused everything they had on the Anti-Monitor, Nekron charged the one above all and the two hit eachother with everything they had and at the same time cosmic spiderman was conjuring up all the energy he could and then released it all at once. The combination of all these things happening at once caused a massive explosion that finished what the death of mogo had started and split the planet in-two. When the smoke cleared everybody was dead.

Griffin: Let me guess you survived because superman saved you.

Bedtime Bear:”Giggle”  Yea how did you guess?

Griffin: Well so then where is superman?

Bedtime Bear: Oh he has been searching for the last member of the grind house. It’s a life model decoy so we don’t actually know what it looks like. Superman told me to hide inside jar jar till he came back but when I heard your voice I knew it was safe to come out.

Griffin: Wrong. I am the life model decoy. Prepare to be skull F**ked.

Bedtime Bear covers his eyes and tries to pull away as the life model decoy grabs the back of his head. Just at the last second Bedtime Bear gets a blast of warm viscous liquid in the face when he opens his eyes he is pleasantly surprised to see that it is just hydraulic fluid from the inside of the robot that superman had just punched a hole in.

Bedtime Bear: Thank you so much superman I really appreciate you saving me all those times.  

Superman: No Problem. Hey so before the match Ryan keep sayin that he was starting his son’s namesake in this week’s match but I don’t see Warren G anywhere, did you see him.

Bedtime Bear: Nawww man.

Superman: That’s some bulls**t, I wanted to get his autograph.