TEAM Vs. Team Sleeping Pussy

Season 6 Play-offs: Week 1: TEAM Vs. Team Sleeping Pussy

TEAM is: Red Son Superman, Mon-El, Justice Legion Alpha Superman, Streaky the Super-Cat, Solaris The Tyrant Sun, Sif, The Warriors Three(Fandral, Hogun, and Volstagg), Black Lantern Incredible Hulk, Galactiac, Zeus, Leviathan, Fizzatz Haderach(Kwisatz Haderach Chris Artrip) and Star Sapphire Julie, Fred Baker w/Orb of Light, Willow w/Holy Staff, Joe Levine.

Team Sleeping Pussy is: Black Lantern Mr. Fantastic, Binary, War Machine, Korvac, Adult Kid Marvelman, Weaponers of Qward #1-5, Shi'ar #1-6, The Starjammers(Corsair, Hepzibah, Raza Longknife, Ch'od(HA), and Cr+eee), Brood Queen, Droid Fighter Ship #13-14, Obi-Wan Kenobi's Ghost, Xenomorph #1, Skrulls #24-26, Zombie Mephisto.

Justice Legion Alpha Superman(JLA) has gathered his TEAMmates in the urban section of The Play-off Planet. Only the Leviathan is missing, as it is in the ocean area of the planet. JLA begins his motivational speech. "Today, we will..." JLA is interrupted by Solaris. "00110... You do not command Solaris...101011..." states the Tyrant Sun as it rockets to space. Galactiac agrees and accompanies Solaris. "You mean well, mortal, but Zeus is beyond your comprehension." Zeus says as he vanishes. "Does anybody else have somewhere better to be?" asks an irritated JLA. Fizzatz Haderach speaks up. "Um, sorry big man, but Julie and I don't get a lot of quality time nowadays, and we're kind of catching up during matches. Y'know, maybe some dinner and drinks alone. We'll be back before you know it." says Fizzatz as Julie's ring flies them away. "HULK SMASH!!!" yells BL Hulk as he leaps skyward. "Your leadership is a joke." says a smirking Red Son Superman as he flies elsewhere. Fred raises his hand. "As long as everybody's doing their own thing, I think I'm going to catch a quick nap. Later, gators." says Fred as he searches for a good place to crash. JLA is stunned as only Mon-El, Streaky, Sif, The Warriors Three, Willow, and Joe Levine remain. "You have our swords in the coming battle!" yells Sif while The Warriors Three hold their swords high. "At least some of you are open to direction." states a still tense JLA. "Ok, change of plans..." JLA says looking over his remaining TEAMmates. "You two halflings will be perfect for stealth, so..." JLA is cut off by Joe Levine. "C'MON!!!" yells Joe in disbelief. I'M NOT A HALFLING. Dude, You're a d*ck!" shouts a pissed off Joe as he storms off angrily. JLA has reached the limits of his patience. "Fine, Have it your way. You primitive cavemen can do whatever you want." declares the future's Superman as he speeds away.

Black Lantern Hulk lands in the desert section of the Play-off Planet and is met by Team SP's War Machine, Black Lantern Mr. Fantastic, and Shi'ar #1-6. War Machine and the Shi'ar hang back as BL Mr. Fantastic approaches BL Hulk. "Dr. Banner, I can help you be rid of the Hulk forever." says Richards. "HULK SMASH RUBBERBAND MAN!!!" roars BL Hulk as he squashes BL Mr. Fantastic with a fist. "Sh*t, knew that wouldn't work. Ok Shi'ar, let's show em what we got." orders War Machine as he flies around BL Hulk with guns a'blazin. Shi'ar #5 and #6 close in on BL Hulk, but both are grabbed and crushed by his giant fists. Shi'ar #3 tries an attack from behind, but the bird-like humanoid is turned into a feathered crimson mist by a backfist from BL Hulk. "HULK SMASH ROBOTMAN!!!" screams BL Hulk, starting to get annoyed by War Machine's bullets. He boots Shi'ar #4 into War Machine. The impact kills the Shi'ar, and sends Rhodey flying off course. "Dr. Banner..." begins BL Mr. Fantastic as his ring reforms him. "RUBBERBAND MAN SHUT UP!!!" shouts BL Hulk grabbing Mr. Fantastic. BL Hulk uses the reanimated Reed Richards's body as a whip against Shi'ar #1+2, beating them like they owe him money. The lashing cuts both Shi'ar in half. BL Hulk raises his fists to the air with a sub-human howl. "Dr. Banner..." BL Mr. Fantastic attempts to continue, but is stomped repeatedly by the foot of BL Hulk. BL Hulk is again hit by a hail of bullets, along with missiles and other explosives. BL Hulk turns in time to see War Machine speeding toward him desperately. The enormous explosion that follows vaporizes both Black Lantern rings. A lone figure walks toward the remnants of the battle, avoiding the scraps of War Machine armor that is still raining from the heavens. "Thank goodness for auto pilot." says Rhodey, who begins salvaging anything he can from his scrapped armor. "Where's Tony Stark when you need him? Probably in a f*ckin hot tub somewhere...." gripes James Rhodes.


Kid Marvelman is flying alone over the ocean searching for The Leviathan. "I don't need the help from those Team SP losers. After I kill TEAM, I'll finish them off too!" says a psychopathic Kid Marvelman to himself. The Leviathan emerges with a deafening roar that disorients Kid Marvelman, sending him soaring out of control in to the ocean. He gets his bearings in time to see the giant gaping maw of the Leviathan closing around him.He uses his strength to knock out some teeth to make an escape. Another roar sends him back into the ocean, and the monster tries to eat him again. Kid Marvelman is holding the jaws open, but they are closing, slowly but surely. A blast of laser vision rips through the top of the Leviathan's head, as Kid Marvelman uses the blast of energy to kill and escape from the sea monster. "A bloodied Kid Marvelman laughs as he flies off in search of more victims.

In space, team SP is planning on taking out Solaris and Galactiac. Korvac and Binary fly through space unaided, while the Starjammers are flying modified Droid Fighter ships #13-#14. The Weaponers of Qward upgraded the ships to seat pilots, as they are useless with out a Droid Control Ship to guide them. Corsair, Hepzibah, and Raza Longknife occupy #13, while the large Ch'od and the small Cr+eee cram into Ship #14. "Okay, team, Solaris is our primary target, we'll worry about Galactiac if we survive." directs Corsair. "Copy that, but how are we going to do that? This thing is huge!" questions Ch'od. "We're going to do a trench run." replies Corsair. "A Trench Run?" asks Raza. "Yeah, I saw it in a movie once." responds Christopher Summers. "Oh, No... Not again..." says Raza. "Be nice Raza! I love Earth movies, even if most female characters seem soft." says Hepzibah. "It'll work, trust me." reassures Corsair. "That's why you're the captain." adds Ch'od. "Korvac and Binary, you two absorb or redirect as much solar energy as you can, and we'll stick a couple of torpedoes up this things tailpipe. Got it?" asks Corsair. Binary gives the thumbs up and heads toward Solaris, but Korvac is fascinated by Galactiac and approaches it instead. "Korvac, what are you doing? Stick to the plan!!!" yells Corsair. "Forget it boss. He's gone." replies Raza. Corsair has no time to change the plan now because Solaris has noticed their presence. Binary absorbs it's initial solar flare attack, and the Droid Fighter Ships manuver easily around the heat. Binary leads the way, with the Starjammers following close behind. Solaris calculates their likely plan of attack, and fires off even more intense heat. Binary can't contain one of the blasts, and Droid Ship #14 is destroyed, also killing Ch'od and Cr+eee inside. Binary is struggling to maintain the massive amounts of energy. "Now... or... never..." she says through gritted teeth. "Fire!" orders Corsair. "No can do captain. These flares shorted out the targeting computer." advises Raza. "Typical Starjammers luck." says Corsair. The Ghost of Obi-Wan Kenobi uses all the force power he can muster to send a non force adept Corsair a single message. "Christopher, use the force." says Obi-Wan, who disappears with no force power left to sustain him."Force? I must be losing it... F*ck it, here goes nothin..." says Corsair as he closes his eyes and fires the ships torpedoes. They hit their mark, and Solaris explodes in a Death Star like manner, destroying all except for Korvac and Galactiac. They study each other intently.

"Who knew that this place had so many great fine dining options?" asks Fizzatz Haderach while he walks out of a Play-off Planet restaurant. "That was fantastic! We'll have to come back for our anniversary!" adds an excited Julie. "Um... Yeah! For sure!" agrees Fizzatz, although his squinted eyes reveal that he is struggling to remember the date. This trait is common among most males, but that is no excuse for Star Sapphire Julie as she realizes that he forgot. A precision slap to the back of the head fails to jog Fizzatz's memory. An approaching Fred Baker and Joe Levine allows an opportunity to change the subject. "Hey guys, good to see you!" greets Fizzatz. He looks at the pair and raises an eyebrow. "Hey Fred, what happened to your orb of light?" asks Haderach. "Um.. Er..." stammers Fred. "Yeah, that's what I thought..." retorts Fizzatz. He unleashes a heel kick upon the skull of Fred, killing him instantly. He parries a punch by Joe, and responds with a neck snapping head twist. The pair drop and revert to their true forms, that of Skrulls #24+25. Fizzatz smiles at SS Julie, but one look and he knows that he's still not off the hook for the anniversary thing. A hiss from the alley allows for another distraction. Xenomorph #1 and The Brood Queen stand in the darkness ready to pounce. "Awwww! Look at you two! Up for a double date? asks Fizzatz. The aliens' bone chilling screams are their responses. "Fine, Have it your way. Light 'em up, babe." says Fizzatz. SS Julie
raises her ring to fire, but nothing happens. "They... are in love?!? I can't use this ring to break that bond." explains SS Julie. "It's cool hon, I got moves." Fizzatz says as he strikes a fighting pose. Xenomorph #1 charges, but is halted by a knee to the chops by Haderach. The Alien attempts to use its tail to spear Fizzatz, but he dodges the strikes. It closes in and uses its second mouth to try to bite Fizzatz in the face, but he is too quick and rips the mouth out of the Alien. Xenomorph #1 begins it's death spasms spraying it's acidic blood over Fizzatz, and they both drop, dying. "Chris!!! yells a distraught SS Julie, while the Brood Queen lets out a screech of it's own. The Brood Queen races at the Star Sapphire, who's emotion floods through the violet ring. The Brood Queen is turned into a crystal statue. The beauty lasts for a second as the crystallized Brood Queen is shattered by a punch from SS Julie. She kneels by a dying Fizzatz. He looks at her one last time. "June... 10th..." he says with a sly smile, closing
his eyes.

A chop shop in the urban area is the base of operations for Team SP's Weaponers of Qward #1-5. Rhodey is also there, waiting for the Qwardians to cobble together some replacement armor. Sif, The Warriors Three and Willow w/Holy staff bust through the door. Sif sticks a sword in Weaponer #3's back, while Volstagg takes #5's head with a sword strike. Weaponer #1, #2, and #4 are hurling Qwa-bolts, and fry Volstagg, while Rhodey scrambles to reach the partially complete War Machine armor. Fandral cuts down #4, but is killed quickly by another bolt from#2. Sif and Hogun use their blades to reflect the next wave of bolts back at Weaponers #1+2, killing the last of the Weaponers of Qward. Rhodey finally gets his armor on-line, and confronts the remaining Asgardians. "Impressive, but I think I've seen enough." says War Machine, raising his right arm to fire. "Right arm cannon off-line." advises the armor. "Um... Ok..." says Rhodes lifting his left arm. "left arm cannon off-line" says the CPU. Sif and Hogun chuckle, and close in on War Machine. "Oh sh*t... War Machine armor fire all available weapons!" shouts a worried Rhodey. A massive array of Qwa-bolts fire rapidly from the center of War Machine's chest plate, putting down Sif and Hogun for good. An ominous boom of thunder heralds the arrival of the mighty god Zeus. "Who dares sully the name of Zeus by usurping his symbol?!?" questions Zeus. Rhodey looks around the room and begins to point at the corpses. "It was them... Yup, definitely those guys.... but not me... I would NEVER do that! Er... All hail Zeus?" says Rhodey, lying through his teeth. An angry Zeus fires his own lightning at War Machine, showing James Rhodes what happens when you piss off a god. As Rhodey falls, a scent of brimstone fills the room. Zombie Mephisto gets the drop on Zeus, whom Mephisto had been waiting for all match. "Soooouuuullssss." drones Zombie Mephisto as he eats the ancient Greek god. Willow finaly emerges from hiding and strikes Zombie Mephisto with his Holy staff. Mephisto is even more vulnerable to the weapon in his zombie form, and vanishes in a flash of light. "Courage, Willow!" he cheerfully yells to himself.

Willow exits the chop shop and is immediately snatched up by a flying kid Marvelman, fresh from his battle with the Leviathan. Kid Marvelman takes a look at Willow and laughs. "Whatever you are, you are beneath a death by my hands. I think I'll let the ground take this one. Ta-ta!" says Kid Marvelman as he drops Willow, splattering the halfling on the concrete below.
Kid Marvelman stops in mid air as he is confronted by Justice Legion Alpha Superman, Red Son Superman, Mon-El, Streaky the Super-Cat, and a regrouping Star Sapphire Julie. Kid Marvelman rubs his eyes in disbelief. "You... you finally showed yourself... I was begining to think that you were afraid of me Marvelm... oops... almost got me...." says Kid Marvelman with a sick grin. TEAM is confused by the ramblings of the psychotic villain. SS Julie takes point and begins to coat Kid Marvelman with healing crystal. Streaky the cat joins in with some claws. Kid Marvelman is resisting the mental effects of SS Julie's violet corps crystal. "You must have felt love at least once..." she says struggling to contain Kid Marvelman. He breaks free of the crýstal enclosure and grabs Streaky. "But I do love something. I love killing!!!" laughs the insane superhuman as he launches Streaky into SS Julie, killing them both. "A sweet girl and a kitten combined. It doesn't get anymore cute than that." sneers Kid Marvelman, looking at the mangled practically fused corpses. A shocked Mon-El speeds towards him. "You monster! You'll never hurt anyone again!" shouts Mon-El grabbing the villain. He sends them careening though a nearby building, destroying it. JLA Superman looks to Red Son Superman, who floats with his arms crossed. "You coming?" asks JLA angrily. "Nyet, You American pig-dogs can handle it." sneers Red Son. "We're not even American, you idiot." states JLA as he begins to leave. "You act like Americans." retorts Red Son, who spits on the ground. JLA shakes his head in disbelief and leaves to help Mon-El. Kid Marvelman and Mon-El emerge from the rubble. Kid Marvelman hasn't been hit that hard in a long time, and feels true fear for the first time in years. "Please... mercy..." begs Kid Marvelman. Mon-El rises, but then quickly takes a knee. He holds his left arm, which now contains a piece of the destroyed building's rebar sticking through it. "No... not lead.." stammers Mon-El, referring to his vulnerability to the metal. A smiling Kid Marvelman rises confidently, and puts another piece of rebar through Mon-El's heart. "Too bad kid, you coulda been a great sidekick!" laughs Kid Marvelman, kicking the dead Mon-El in the side for good measure. JLA Superman flies in a split second too late to save Mon-El, and is enraged by his death.. JLA relentlessly batters Kid Marvelman with his fists, finally sending the villian to the ground with a powerful haymaker. "You killed Mon-El, one of the greatest heroes of the 31st century. You are barely a footnote in history. I'll make sure that you are even less than that." seethes JLA. He alternates fire between heat vision and force vision to keep Kid Marvelman in the ground. Kid Marvelman has never experienced a humiliating beating of this magnitude, and mentally cracks completely. "I'm sorry! I'll... I'll be good... I swear!" sobs the deranged villain. "Please... please don't kill me Marvelman!" he cries. As he says the word "Marvelman", he is changed back into the form of 13 year old Johnny Bates. JLA Superman is shocked by the transformation. Johnny looks around at the damage his alter ego has caused and continues crying. "I... I let him out again? Why? How could I do that? Again?!?" rambles Bates. JLA tries to calm the boy down. "It's not your fault son. You were being used by another." assures JLA. "But... it IS my fault... you... you need to kill me now! It's the only way! Quick, before it's too late!" begs Johnny. "There must be some kind of alternative to that..." reasons JLA. Johnny is on his knees and grabs JLA. "Please... just kill me..." he pleads will tears in his eyes. JLA Superman finally takes mercy on the twisted soul. "This won't hurt at all, son. I'm sorry..." says JLA. "Thank you..." are the last words spoken by Johnny Bates before his head is destroyed by heat vision. JLA flies back to meet with Red Son Superman, who greets him with a grin. JLA clenches his fists. "A great man died needlessly because of your inaction today." JLA says angrily. Red Son again spits toward the ground. JLA furiously grabs Red Son by the collar. "You're not fit to be addressed as Superman! You are a disgrace to all of our namesakes!" yells JLA while tearing Red Son's altered Kryptonian symbol from his chest. Red Son's eyes begin to glow red, but TEAM's in-fighting is halted by a massive explosion in space. "Solaris." the pair says in unison. Korvac and Galactiac arrive together seconds later. JLA looks curiously at Galactiac. "What is the meaning of this Galactiac?" asks JLA Superman. "Silence!" orders Korvac. "I have used my power and knowledge to convert Galactiac to my servant. We are both far beyond this petty battle, and will travel the universe cataloging all technology to aid the cosmos. Farewell." explains Korvac. The Supermen race to the pair, but are held in a stasis field by Korvac. "You are both merely echoes, and are not necessary for universal balance. You do not belong here." says Korvac as he erases them both from existance with a thought. "We are done. There is nothing left for us here. Let us be on our way." orders Korvac. "Yes... CLICK...M...CLICK... Master." obeys Galactiac. With his programming almost completely corrupted, Galactiac's last sentient act is to self distruct. The explosion of energy engulfs Korvac and the pair are destroyed.

Joe Levine walks down the street, still steamed over the "halfling" crack from earlier. He looks into the lobby of a hotel, and sees Fred Baker. He is up from his nap, and is shaking down the hotel staff for more free coffee. Joe decides to hang with his TEAMmate. "What's up Fred? Man, the rest of those guys are real jerks. How's about we raid the mini-bar in your room?" suggests Joe. "Yeah, sure thing buddy." says a still groggy Fred. They head to the room and Joe takes a seat. He cracks open a Bud Light and searches the television for some play-off hockey action. "That's what i'm talkin about!" says Joe as he kicks his feet up. "Hey man, you ready to do some shots?" asks Joe. "One shot, coming up!" says Fred as he bashes in Joe's skull from behind. The last thing Joe Levine sees is the mutilated corpse of the real Fred hidden under the bed.