Season 7 Week 8: Charles Barkley’s Turrible Decisions vs Layanderlett’s Super Orange Kitties and Cats Living Together to Make a Better Family

Charles Barkley’s Turrible Decisions are Ulik, Sasquatch, Beast Boy, Animal Man, Cheetah, Donkey Kong, Care Becks and Beast Man possessed by Angir: Breaker of Souls.

Layanderlett’s Super Orange Kitties and Cats Living Together to Make a Better Family is Supergirl, Yoda’s Spirit w/White Lantern Ring, Red Hulk, Carrie Bradshaw and Kingdom Come Justice League: Wonder Woman, Donna Troy, Red Arrow, Robotman, and Hawkman.

Inside the locker room of the Super Kitties, there is a blinding flash of pure white light. For the ring of White Lantern Batman has found a new host.

The Spirit of Yoda.

“Re-formed I am.  A strange energy this is,” the diminutive Jedi Master says to himself.

Just then, the elder form of Wonder Woman already suited up in her Kingdom Come battle armor, races into the locker room.

“Master Yoda?!” she exclaims. “By Hera, you are no longer just a spirit. But how?”

“Question the events of this league you know you must not,” he responds. “The whim of the Watchers it is.”

“Just glad to have you back to the land of the living. We’ve got a playoff spot we’re fighting for,” KC Wonder Woman says.

As they exit the locker room, they see Supergirl walking down the hallway.

“Kara! Yoda is no longer just a spirit, and is now wielding Batman’s White Lantern Ring. Come! Let’s show our adversaries it was truly a terrible decision to face us this day!” Diana shouts to her teammate.

Supergirl barely looks over her shoulder towards them, “Pffft.I’m a Horsemen. Now. And forever.”

She then takes flight and rockets towards the battle. Yoda then uses the powers of his newly acquired White Lantern Ring to teleport the rest of his team to their destination….. Where the Wild Things Are.

“Oh wow. Did I ever wear the wrong sort of heels for this battle,” Carrie Bradshaw says meekly to herself.

Unfortunately for her, the heels are the last of her worries, as she is tackled to the ground by CareBecks.

“I’ve got your Mr. Big right here!!!!!!” exclaims the rabidly horny CareBear. “CareBecks STARE!!!!!!!!”

Carrie is then taken completely out of the fight by the bear’s jackhammering, turning her into a pile of goo.  He falls down, thoroughly exhausted after the 38 seconds of feverish energy he has just spent.  As CareBecks catches his breath and begins to search for his next victim, he finds himself impaled by multiple arrows, courtesy of KC Red Arrow.

“I always sort of had a thing for that horse face, you jerk,” he says to the CareBear.

The Kingdom Come Justice League all form up together along with Red Hulk and White Lantern Yoda. Supergirl however, is still flying on her own, not responding to any of the communication attempts that are being made to her.

“What is her deal Diana?!” asks KC Donna Troy.

“She still thinks she’s a Horsemen,” KC Wonder Woman replies.

“What a b!%@#,” KC Donna Troy fires back.

“It matters not. Winning is a Horsemen’s only goal. Use this, we can,” White Lantern Yoda says as he ignites his lightsaber.

The trees in front of the Kitties’ squad begin to shake and rustle. There is a loud ominous roar that emanates from the distance. Thunderous stomping is heard, louder and louder as it gets closer and closer. Finally something from the very Fantasy Fantasy League battle burst forth from behind the trees. It is Beast Boy, who has taken the form of an emerald hued Tyrannosaurs Rex. He is followed out of the trees by Donkey Kong, Cheetah, Sasquatch and a very feral acting Animal Man.  As all of the combatants engage each other, the thunderous stomping in the distance, which was believed be courtesy of Beast Boy doesn’t stop. Trees begin to topple over.

Yoda bows his head down in realization of what is coming for them.

“Breaker of Souls, it is. Coming Angir is,” he regretfully informs his team.

As I Ryatu, watch over this match I cannot help but… Excuse me? Can I help you?

“Yeah you can,” a really pissed off Supergirl says to this omniscient Watcher. “Could you please stop putting yourself into these matches?!?! No one cares about you Watchers. And let the rest of them know this. If I hear one more of you grandstand yourselves, I swear to everything holy, I’m going to personally castrate every last one of you Watchers.”

She then spits in the face of Ryatu and flies away.

Back down in forest, KC Hawkman has taken flight and is trying to evade Animal Man who is hot on his tail. As KC Hawkman turns to swing his Nth metal mace, he sees Animal Man pausing in front of him with a smirk on his face. KC Hawkman is then consumed by the gigantic jaws of T-Rex/Beast Boy who was underneath them.

“Thanks Garth, I owe you,” says Buddy Baker as he jumps down into the tress below him.

“Don’t mention it, *burp* I’ve grown to really enjoy chicken,” says the former vegetarian Beast Boy.

The green T-Rex then roars in agony as he feels a searing pain shoot up his leg as Red Hulk grabs a hold of his ankle and breaks it with ease. Beast Boy then reverts back to his normal teen self and is squashed by the jacked up crimson version of General Thaddeus Ross.  Kingdom Come Robotman cannot help but shed a tear as he sees his former friend, Beast Boy, fall in battle. Unfortunately, that moment of weakness costs Victor dearly as Donkey Kong gets the drop on him and rips his arms off of his body and beats him to death with them.

“Hahaha, pathetic,” Supergirl scoffs to herself as she sees another one of her teammates killed.

“We need to get on the offensive and NOW!” orders Kingdom Come Wonder Woman. She draws her sword as she sees KC Donna Troy being attacked by Cheetah.

Cheetah snarls as she leaps towards the older and much slower version of Donna Troy. She slashes at her chest and face, drawing first blood. KC Donna is able to kick her off of her, but then something awful begins to happen. She feels herself changing.

“By the Gods, no!” yells KC Wonder Woman as she sees KC Donna Troy evolve into a cheetah-hybrid as a result of Cheetah’s slashing.

The elder Diana dodges the youthful Cheetah’s attack and slices her open, shoulder to hip, killing her foe.

“Youth is no match for experience,” she says as she looks down at Cheetah’s corpse.

“Grrrrrrrr…..Kkkkillll meeee… Diaaannaa,” growls KC Donna Troy.

“No, Donna I cannot,” she responds.  “But I will unleash you!”

Kingdom Come Wonder Woman gives KC Donna Troy the tie that once hung around Donkey Kong’s neck. KC Donna now has the scent and sprints off into the forest. She quickly tracks the video game gorilla down and lunges onto his back. Clawing and biting at him. Donkey Kong grabs a hold of her and throws her down, but she is relentless.

“Sasquatch!!! A little help here!” shouts DK.

The Alpha Flight powerhouse charges in to aid his teammate but is hit with a trio of arrows in the chest from KC Red Arrow, who was waiting up in the trees.

“Not so fast, Bigfoot,” the middle aged Roy Harper quips.

“It’s Sasquatch, Robin Hood,” Walter Langkowski bites back as he pulls the arrows out of his chest. The wounds quickly heal up and he stomps towards the archer.

“Crap…. A healing factor,” KC Red Arrow mumbles to himself as he his then picked up and ripped in half by the vicious Sasquatch.

As Sasquatch turns to help Donkey Kong he sees both the gorilla and KC Donna Troy lying in a massive pool of their mingling blood. He is then tapped on the shoulder by Red Hulk, who proceeds to choke slam him to the ground as Sasquatch turns around. The two behemoths continue to battle as Angir, the Breaker of Souls, finally arrives to the battle.

Angir has possessed the body of the might Beast Man. His reddish-orange fur is partially covered by several giant pink leech-looking creatures. His eyes burn white as he drags his mighty hammer behind him. The animals that occupy this terrain begin to swarm the battle. Using Beast Man’s mastery over all wild animals, Angir orders them to rush Yoda, KC Wonder Woman and Red Hulk. The wild things begin to converge on the Super Kitties, but Yoda uses his White Lantern Ring to eliminate them all.

“I got this,” growls Red Hulk.

“Wait! Ross! We need to work together!” Shouts Kingdom Come Wonder Woman.

The red-hot Rulk charges Angir, but is slammed down into the ground by the swing of Angir’s hammer. He slams the hammer down again and again onto the behemoth, crushing his back. KC Wonder Woman leaps into the air, sword drawn, but is smacked away by a backhand from Angir. He then starts stomping over towards the small Jedi Master.

Yoda does not move. He concentrates within. A bright white light begins to pulse all around Yoda. Angir brings his hammer down, but it does not penetrate the white aura.

“Break souls no more, shall you,” Yoda says as he releases a powerful blast of white energy which destroys both Angir and himself in the process.

Kingdom Come Wonder Woman picks herself up after slamming up against a huge tree, she sees the disfigured and charred body of Animal Man hanging from a nearby branch.  She then looks up, only to find herself staring down the duo of Ulik and Sasquatch.

The two massive beast leap at KC Wonder Woman, who does everything she can to defeat her foes. She manages to drive her sword deep into Sasquatch’s mouth, but Ulik continues to pummel her.

“Supergirl….ughh… you brat… I don’t care if you …..ugh… think of yourself as a Horsemen, but you are about to lose. And I thought… uuugghh… Horsemen don’t lose,” urges KC Wonder Woman.

Ulik raises his mighty fists in the air and slams them down, finishing off Kingdom Come Wonder Woman. But the moment he lands the killing blow, two red holes burn out from his forehead. His lumbering body drops dead from beinglobotomized from Supergirl’s heat vision.

Kara swoops in and slams into the ground, cracking the earth beneath her. She spits on the bodies lying in front of her, “Don’t you ever f#$% with a Horsemen.”

She flies away victorious.