The Royal Highness Vs. The Moist Mafia

The Royal Highness is: Line 1 (all line order goes LW, C, RW, D, D) Black Flash, Axe Cop, Justice, Brolly, Anti-Man, Line 2: Reverse Flash, The Magician, Agent Smith, Sleep, Death, Rex Splode, Robot, Line 3: Atom Eve, Immortal, Dupli-Kate, Goalie: Omni-Man, Backup Goalie: Monster Girl, Coach: The Maker, and Extra Skater: Hugh Glass.

The Moist Mafia is: Line 1: Jim Craig, Steve Janaszak, Bill Baker, Ken Morrow, The Saint of All Killers, Line 2: Josh O' Callahan, Mike Ramsay, Bob Suter, Neal Broten, Doomed, Dave Christian, Line 3: Steve Christoff, Mike Eruzine, John Constantine, Black Orchid, Goalie: Zatanna, Backup Goalie: Nightmare Nurse, Coach: Geoff Johns, and Extra Skater: Madame Xanadu.


GOOD EVENING Hockey fans, I am Joshatu the great and powerful coming at you LIVE from the former home of the Detroit Vipers, The Palace of Auburn Hills. It's true everybody, I didn't know they still had ice under this floor either; but they do. Granted, it kind of looks like the bottom of the freezer underneath the freezer-burnt bag of green beans that you bought on clearance during the Clinton administration; but ice is ice …... Right?? And with me in the booth today, freshly teleported here from who knows where is broadcast legend Al Michaels. How we doing Al??

“Great to be here with you House, not sure how I got here, or what I'm supposed to do; but I'll wing it like I know what the Hell is going on. It's like my daughter's wedding all over again”.

“Well, whatever that means Al. Now, if it is okay with you, maybe we could pay attention to this hockey game”.

“Looks like we have a stoppage of play already in this one Al, and the clock only reads 19.59 in the first period”.

“That's right House, it appears Black Flash flew in right off the face off and put one in. I'll tell you what, all these super-powered folks are going to make it impossible for The Moist Mafia to win this one. We might as well stick a fork in em now and head to the bar”.

“Well, it's early yet Al”.

“Not early enough, for The Moist Mafia to gain super powers and put up a fight against The Highness. I've just took a dump back stage that would put up a better fight against them”.

“We both know that isn't true Al, since you just teleported here a few minutes ago”.

“Shut your pie-hole House. If I wanted to know what is true from you, I'd pull my schlong out of your mouth. But in the action on the ice it looks like Reverse Flash just threw down another goal after they spent most of the first period toying with the Moist Mafia like the worthless bunch of talentless hacks they are. They have zero chance of winning this game. There is more perk in my wife's bra than there is in the Moist Mafia defense. Now let's get into the second period”.

“Looks like The Highness is still playing their fast-paced version of the Left Wing Lock to keep the heads of The Moist Mafia spinning, Al; but it is getting a little chippy. A fight in this match could be a real barn burner”.

“That's right for once House. These super-powered beings are going to really give it to these American college kids. What is the average age of The Moist Mafia anyway, about seven?? They don't have a Popsicle chance in Hell. Not a midgets chance in heaven either. You know how evil the little folks are don't ya House”??

“Al, what the Hell, are you”....

“OHHHHH!!!! And here's that fight you were looking for House!! It looks like some of those cats on the Highness that The Commish didn't have time to look up during the first messy week of setup have cleared the bench and are really going nuts”.

“This is really getting out of hand Al. They're going to have to stop this game and do something about this”.

“Stop being such a candy-a** Nancy-boy House. Everybody knows that killing is part of hockey”.

“No it isn't Al. Fighting is part of NHL Hockey; but this is the Olympics”.

“Yeah, like I said you sissy. Fighting is part of hockey”.

“No, Al; you said killing was part of hockey”.

“Well yes House, sometimes when people fight they die. Now go grow a pair. Wow, that fight between Doomed and Brolly is really shaping up to be one for the record books, and is that the dead bodies of Steve Janaszak, Bill Baker, and Coach Johns down there?? They aren't even paying attention to Mike Eruzine sneaking in a quick goal in the middle of this mess. Not that it matters though. I've met aborted babies that have a better chance of winning this game than The Moist Mafia”.

“Al, have you been smoking crack”??

“Just the crack hanging off your old lady, House. Been smokin the crap out of that one”. Strangely enough, looks like as we start the third period here Doomed and Brolly just broke into Round two of their fight; but this time the teenage angsty-emo version of Doomsday got a little carried away and ripped Brolly in half. Doomed has been ejected for his kill; but the refs didn't seem to notice Agent Smith hopping over the bench just to send Neal Broten and Jack O' Callahan to The Graveyard”.

“I told you this one was going to get ugly Al”.

“You didn't say s*(&t, House. Other than blah blah blah, I'm a girlie-gay-wad. OHH, and whatta ya know. It looks like with less than two minutes left Bob Suter is going to be given a penalty shot after nearly having his head taken off by Monster Girl. He deeks once, deeks twice, deeks again... HAHAHA!! Just like the friggin Mighty Ducks huh House?? And........ GOAL. Wow, they actually tied it up. Not that it matters, This Moist Mafia team may have gotten lucky; but there is still two minutes left for The Highness to put a hurting on em. In fact, look at the time House. I'm going to need to teleport on outta here. I've got no desire to see The Moist Mafia lose this one in overtime. Smell ya later House, I've got a date with a bottle of Gilby's Gin and the latest copy of Hustler”.

“Okay, well it looks like Al is gone; so we'll go back to the ice where Reverse Flash, Black Flash, and Agent Smith seem to be doing a sped up version of the flying V, simply because I find it wholly inappropriate to not have a second Mighty Ducks reference in this masterfully written story. Black Flash does a double reverse pass, back to Justice for the one-timer; but it is saved by Zatanna. Zatanna sees the clock running down and tries to pass to Madame Xanadu; but it flies off the stick of Black Orchid, off the helmet of Immortal, off the crotch of Omni-Man, off the back of Robot and onto the stick of Mike Ramsay who takes a slapshot from the blue line and GOAL!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
The Moist Mafia takes the lead 3 to 2. Ramsay, then takes the face off with 10 seconds..... Dave Christian has the puck with 8, 7, 6....... pass to Ken Morrow with 4, 3 to Jim Craig...... DO YOU BELIEVE IN MIRACLES!!!!

I can't believe I just said that...........