Pop-Superstar Hannah Montana & President Barack Obama’s “Best of Both Worlds” Touring Battalion of Commandos is Dave Bowman: The Starchild, Albus Dumbledore, Harry Potter, Agamemnon, Juno, Bizarro, Xerxes, Tlaloc, The Creature from the Black Lagoon, Rodimus Prime, Black Adam, Ben Kenobi, Mary Marvel, Dr. Doom & Darth Binks in a Swiff Boat, Gungan #1-14, The Cloverfield Monster, & Parallax.
George Washington’s Slaves are Arisia, Ben Skywalker, Capt. Bicard in an F-22, Colossus, Cthulu, Dare the Terminator, Inspector Gadget, Jason Bourne, Loki, Martian Manhunter, Neo, Optimus Prime, Red Dragon #10, Sonny, Spongebob Squarepants, Super Soldier, T-1000, Trinity in the Bat-Copter, Wedge & Capt. Kirk in the Shuttle Tyderium, Windcharger, & Yoda.
O.K., lets do this. Remember how the other version started out when Dave Bowman & Cthulu killed each other, or ate each other, or sent each other to an alternate dimension or whateves. Well, that happened in this one too (shout out to my boy Becks, Get well soon). Basically, I liked that beginning, and we’re gonna keep it. As the battle begins, the Slaves use their vehicles to take control of the air while the Commandos hang low by the water. Agamemnon & Tlaloc lead the rest of the Titans, who have all out-fitted themselves with submersible Cymek bodies down deep below the water’s surface. The Titans are joined by Bizarro, The Creature from the Black Lagoon, & Parallax. Dumbledore has joined Dr. Doom & his personal body guard Darth Binks in their swiff boat which is buzzing around the waters in a clumsy fashion with Lord Binks behind the controls. Capt. Tarpals is leading the other 14 Gungans thru the water as they easily swim thru the rough waves just like they all have done many times on their home planet of Naboo. High in the air, Wedge leads the Slaves in The Shuttle Tyderium while he is being flanked by Capt. Bicard in an F-22 to his right and Trinity in the Bat-Copter to his left. Wedge is joined by Capt. Kirk in his co-pilots seat, but Yoda, Ben Skywalker, Colossus, & Dare the Terminator are on board as well. Arisia, Martian Manhunter, & Super Soldier are flying behind the 3 aircrafts as well. The rest of the Slaves have stealthily dispersed themselves throughout the water down below. Optimus Prime & Rodimus Prime are floating barely above the water when they begin battling one another. The fight is not going on very long before Optimus busts open Rodimus’ chest and destroys his spark (WHAT!!!! I’m posting this crap on the internet, if some Transformers geek finds this and I don’t have Optimus win in like 4 seconds flat, they will probably show up at my house and murder me). Darth Binks swiftly drives their Swiff boat thru the waters John Kerry style, not even noticing that Jason Bourne has hooked himself onto the side of the boat and is slowly sneaking up the side. Before the boat’s threesome even notices that Bourne has made his way onto the boat, Bourne sneaks up behind Dr. Doom and breaks his neck. Darth Binks ignites his crimson lightsaber and says to Jason Bourne “Yusa gonna die now Okkee-day” Bourne just glares at him with that cool look on his face and does not say a word. The evil Binks swings at him, but Bourne ducks out of the way and drop-kicks the Gungan Sith in the back of the head. Bourne then comes up from behind the dizzied Binks and grabs the lightsaber right out of his hand. Bourne then kills Darth Binks with his own lightsaber. Bourne stands ready to do battle with Darth Binks’ lightsaber still ignited and in his hands with Dumbledore. Bourne moves at the powerful wizard, but Dumbledore blasts him with his wand and kills him. Dumbledore then runs to the front of the boat to try and take control of it, but before he can he is targeted by one of Shuttle Tyderium’s proton torpedoes and blown out of the water. Harry Potter takes the lead atop his broomstick and travels high above the water with Mary Marvel & Black Adam behind him. The 3 flying Commandos have a plan to attack The Slaves aircraft, but they are met by Martian Manhunter, Arisia, & Super Soldier. Black Adam punches thru Super Soldier’s Shield with his left hand and then uses his right to punch thru the hero’s head, but Martian Manhunter uses his optic blast to put down Mary Marvel. Arisia & Harry Potter continue to battle fiercely, even after the first 2 battles conclude and Martian Manhunter starts to fight with Black Adam. Black Adam, is about to scream “Shazam” when John Jonzz uses his telepathic abilities to enter into Black Adam’s mind and shut down his speech. Black Adam continues to use his immense strength against The Manhunter, but the green Martian outsmarts him. Martian Manhunter uses his shape-shifting abilities to make himself look like Mary Marvel. This throws Black Adam into a state of confusion which gives John enough time to attack his opponent and finish off Black Adam with a series of fierce melee attacks. Harry Potter manages to out fly Arisia on his broom and dodge all of her green energy attacks. The young wizard allows the young green lantern to tire out before he hits her with a quite powerful spell to finish her off. Potter smiles after his victory, but his happiness is short-lived as Martian Manhunter blasts the teenager with a deadly right hook to the face, that no spell could have stopped. Cloverfield seems to be not quite as spooked in a water setting but the monster is still shedding it’s parasites that kill Spongebob despite the water dwellers use of Ka-Ra-Tay on the dog-sized creatures. T-1000 is attempting to form it’s liquid metal body into a flotilla of some sort, but Parallax pops out of the water and breaks the terminator apart separating it’s molecules into thousands of tiny yellow pieces. Neo dives below the water’s surface and begins battling with Bizarro. Though neither of the combatants are necessarily at home in the water, their powers provide them with the means to be hardly affected by the water around them. Bizarro swings wildly at the “One”, but Neo continually blocks his attacks. The 2 of them are equally matched power wise, but Neo has the definite edge when it comes to intelligence. Bizarro uses brute force against Neo, while Neo tries to outsmart the Bizarro world version of his former teammate; but then thinks that if you can’t beat em join em. Neo then conjures up every bit of strength he has, and strains despite the fact that he knows he can do anything if he simply believes it to be possible and rips off Bizarro’s head. Cloverfield rips apart Windcharger and Red Dragon #10, while The Creature from the Black Lagoon finds himself in a state of serious depression after he realizes that the 2 hard fought battles he just won against Sonny and Inspector Gadget provide no meat for him to consume. Loki then uses his powers of mischief to make Cloverfield and The Creature believe that they must do battle with each other for sea dominance. Once these 2 teammates turn on one another, it is not long before Cloverfield rips the Creature apart. Cloverfield is then about to go on a complete rampage when Capt. Bicard saves both teams by firing all 4 of his missiles at Cloverfield to destroy him completely. Trinity breaks away from the air convoy and brings the Bat-Copter down low toward the water. She is instantly swarmed by Gungans which causes her to panic until she realizes that Batman has already stocked The Bat-Copter with what she needs. Trinity reaches into the compartment to her left and pulls out a can of Gungan repellant which she uses to kill Gungans #1, 4, 8, & 14. Ben Kenobi swims up behind Optimus Prime and attaches himself to the underwater hull of the very aware Autobot, in a way that only a Jedi Master can. In true Jedi fashion, Kenobi waits patiently until Optimus moves to lift his large body out of the water. Once he does, Kenobi ignites his lightsaber and then moves quickly to slice the head of the Transformer off before he even knew that he was being attacked. Parallax tries to telepathically enter into the mind of Loki, but the god of mischief does not fear the being. Parallax finds himself trapped in a world that he can not understand, and is destroyed by his inability to induce fear or control the mind of the son of Odin. Trinity runs out of Gungan repellant, but she still continues to fight on with the Capt. Tarpals led Gungans. She kills Gungan #2, 5, 6, 9, & 11 with her plethora of fighting skills but she is not quite fast enough to stop Capt. Tarpals, who sneaks up behind her with his Otah Gunga pistol and says “Dodgem this” as he blows her head off. Ben Kenobi is using Optimus Prime’s body as a raft, but he knows that the huge hunk of metal will not float forever. He is all alone on the back of his defeated opponent when Loki, Martian Manhunter, & Neo all fly down to meet him. Kenobi appears old and tired, which may be why he is slightly underestimated by Loki. Martian Manhunter tried to warn the Asgardian about the skills of Jedi no matter how old and worn out they appear, but he learns quickly that Loki does not heed good advice like his old friend Thor used to despite their kinship. Obi Wan ignites his lightsaber once again and quickly removes the head of Loki, but after this surprise attack The Manhunter and the Chosen One quickly dispatch him. Although Yoda has no desire to engage the Cymeks in the water he knows that it is the only course of action, so he orders Wedge to fly in low and begin strafing the water. Capt. Bicard takes the lead, but the Cymeks come partially out of the water to meet them. Xerxes fires a powerful rocket at Bicard’s F-22 which he is unable to avoid. Yoda takes Ben Skywalker with him in an escape pod and sends Dare the Terminator and Colossus off in a separate escape pod while Wedge and Capt. Kirk attack from the Shuttle. As the escape pods hit the water, Yoda takes charge of the water forces, much like he did in the air. The Slaves use the escape pods as rafts to work their way to the enemy. Yoda leads Ben Skywalker and Death Devil (oops I mean Dare the Terminator, Death Devil would be her name if the people at Amalgam Comics new what cool was) against Juno while Martian Manhunter attacks Xerxes and Neo attacks Tlaloc. The Titans have an amazing size advantage over any member of The Slaves, but they are up against a significant amount of power. Xerxes and The original Titan leader Tlaloc go down fairly easy as Martian Manhunter phases thru the metal hull of Xerxes and then pulls out his human brain, but this does disrupt him telepathically as he holds a brain that is rich with centuries worth of information. Neo simply raises his hand toward Tlaloc to totally disrupt his electrical field and short out all of his systems, including his brain’s life support but, he is only able to do it once as he is put into some sort of trance after he does it. Juno uses a small, barely visible laser cannon to disintegrate Dare the Terminator’s head, but Ben Skywalker keeps the Titan busy with his lightsaber while Yoda concentrates hard to slowly pull the metal plating off of Juno with the force. Yoda is able to pull away the numerous protective barriers that cover up Juno’s human brain, but Juno still has several weapons, such as her retractable arms which she uses to grab a hold of Ben Skywalker and then rip the young Jedi in half. Yoda is saddened by the loss of such a young Jedi with so much potential, but the Jedi Master honors what young Skywalker fought for and he goes in for the kill as he ignites his own lightsaber and drives it in to the brain of Juno. Colossus manages to get Gungan #13 in a bear hug, but shortly after this the powerful mutant in his organic metal form floats down to the bottom of the ocean, as he is unable to sustain his massive weight above the water. Yoda regroups with Neo & Martian Manhunter and the 3 of them are surrounded by Gungans. The Gungans feel significantly more comfortable in the water setting than there opponents, but in the end superior fighting style wins out as neo kills Capt. Tarpals with a karate chop to the head, as well as Gungan #3 & 12. Yoda takes out Gungan #10, and Martian Manhunter takes out Gungans #7 & 13. Agamemnon targets Shuttle Tyderium with a series of heat seeking missiles, but Wedge takes evasive action. Despite the lack of maneuverability of the Imperial Ship Wedge does an amazing job of avoiding the projectiles, but one missile does clip their left wing. Capt. Kirk looks over at Wedge with a look of dread on his face, knowing what is about to happen. From the back of The Shuttle Tyderium Nofee pops up along with the music and lyrics that say “Priceline Negotiator”. I’m just kidding, that is so stupid; I don’t know why I wrote that. The 2 veteran pilots know that there is no recovering from such a hit which is why without saying a word they agree on what to do as Wedge crashes The Shuttle Tyderium nose first into the top of Agamemnon; killing them, but destroying the Titan Cymek leader as well.
GEORGE WASHINGTON’S SLAVES ARE VICTORIOUS!
Wednesday, April 29, 2009
Tuesday, April 28, 2009
Bryatu's Fever-Induced Hallucinatory Match
To both Chris (Slaves) and Nick (Commandos):
I am truly sorry for posting the fever-induced hallucinatory match cited below. I am shamed, humiliated and humbled by my transgressions. . . I have no excuse for posting a match that never occurred - I feel like Mitch Albom. I am lucky that Joshatu is going to pick up my slack and properly write the match, as well as posting my final match for the week.
I expect the antibiotics to rid me of this vile pestilence which courses through my veins in the near future and I hope you will continue with me on my journey as a distinguished Watcher. If I do not survive this disease, I ask that you remember me for Al Dawg's final match and not the drivel below.
Notwithstanding the above, feel free to comment as you believe necessary. If you wish for me to step down from my Watcher mantle, I will do so willingly in honor of those that I write for and those that I call my friends -there are so few of you remaining. I promise that if you keep me, I will make you all proud that not only have you allowed me to retain my lofty position, but allowed me to fulfill my dream of continuing to be a Watcher in the FFL.
With humble servitude to you all,
Bryatu
I am truly sorry for posting the fever-induced hallucinatory match cited below. I am shamed, humiliated and humbled by my transgressions. . . I have no excuse for posting a match that never occurred - I feel like Mitch Albom. I am lucky that Joshatu is going to pick up my slack and properly write the match, as well as posting my final match for the week.
I expect the antibiotics to rid me of this vile pestilence which courses through my veins in the near future and I hope you will continue with me on my journey as a distinguished Watcher. If I do not survive this disease, I ask that you remember me for Al Dawg's final match and not the drivel below.
Notwithstanding the above, feel free to comment as you believe necessary. If you wish for me to step down from my Watcher mantle, I will do so willingly in honor of those that I write for and those that I call my friends -there are so few of you remaining. I promise that if you keep me, I will make you all proud that not only have you allowed me to retain my lofty position, but allowed me to fulfill my dream of continuing to be a Watcher in the FFL.
With humble servitude to you all,
Bryatu
Back to our Dimension.
My fellow Watchers and I apologize for the delay, as we have been exploring numerous multiverses and various dimensions over the last week. We hope to not delay the league for a full week, but feel free to wait until Wednesday or even Thursday to send in your Week 9 team. I especially do not expect anyone to send in a team if your match has not yet been posted. In the meantime, please enjoy the match located directly below this post, which was witnessed by all of us during our tiresome interdimensional travels. It does not count toward Season 2 and is entitled "What If The Commandos Had the First Overall Pick in Season 1". Enjoy.
-Josh.
-Josh.
George Washington's Slaves vs. Pop-Superstar Hannah Montana & President Barack Obama's "Best of Both Worlds" Touring Battalion of Commandos
I am now suffering from a secondary infection which races through my body. Notwithstanding, I will honor my duties since I have been appointed by my brethren Joshatu and Ryatu to watch the following Year 2, Week 8 Match: George Washington's Slaves vs. Pop-Superstar Hannah Montana & President Barack Obama's "Best of Both Worlds" Touring Battalion of Commandos.
The locker room of the Slaves contains Arisia, Ben Skywalker, Captain Jean Luc Picard in an F-22, Captain Kirk, Colossus, Cthulu, Dare the Terminator, Inspector Gadget, Jason Bourne, Loki, Martian Manhunter, Neo, Optimus Prime, Red Dragon #10, Sonny (I-Robot), Spongebob Sqarepants, Super Soldier, T-1000, Trinity in the Bat-Copter, Wedge Antilles in the Shuttle Tyderium, Windcharger and Yoda.
Captain Kirk: We shall be the only one loss team after this battle! My ego will not allow anything less!
Jason Bourne: Just do your job Kirk and we’ll see to it!
Dare the Terminator: Hey! No sight jokes!!!
The locker room of the Commandos contains Dave Bowman: The Starchild, Albus Dumbledore, Harry Potter, Agamemnon, Juno, Bizarro Superman, Xerxes, Captain Tarpals, Tlaloc, The Creature from the Black Lagoon, Rodimus Prime, Black Adam, Ben Kenobi, Darth Binks and Dr. Doom in a Swift Boat, Mary Marvel, Gungans #1-14, The Cloverfield Monster and Parallax.
Darth Binks: Meesa loves to cut Slaves!!!
Dumbledore: Cut them you shall young Binks. Cut them you shall.
Dave Bowman: Not if I have anything to say about it. Our team is tired so I plan on making this match a quick one!
I transport the teams to the Pacific battleground. . . .
Dave Bowman: The Starchild takes the lead. As said in the locker room, he wants the match to finish in record time. He walks on the water with his arms spread in a deity-like pose. The Slaves are ready to suffer extreme consequences at the hands of the Starchild. As an aura spreads across Bowman and he is ready to unleash his powers upon the Slaves, Cthulu rises from the watery depths and swallows Bowman whole. As one of the Great Old Ones (and a cosmic entity itself), Cthulu manages to absorb Bowman’s powers. Bowman attempts to escape, an energy surging through his veins as he becomes cosmically nuclear. The explosion is blinding and takes out both Bowman and Cthulu. The cosmic ones perish together. Seeing that a major threat on each team has been taken out, the remaining team members charge at one another.
The Creature from the Black Lagoon swims at the Slaves. He sees Spongebob Squarepants walking on the bottom of the ocean. With one swipe of its claw, Spongebob is shredded to gelatinous pieces. The Gungans #1-14 join the Creature from the Black Lagoon and swim further into the Slaves’ territory. They are met by Captain Jean Luc Picard in an F-22. Picard uses his plane’s equipment to get the heat signatures of the Gungans and Creature. The Captain uses the Joint Direct Attack Munition guidance system and small-diameter bombs to ferret out his enemy in the water. The bombs kill Gungans #2, 5-7, 12-14. As the remaining Gungans and Creature surface in an attempt to avoid the bombing, they are met by the MBDA Meteor and rotary cannons. The Creature and the remaining Gungans are killed by Picard. As Picard circles the area, he is suddenly met by the Cloverfield Monster. The Monster smashes the F-22 and both the aircraft and Picard meet their fates in a brilliant explosion. Wedge Antilles in the Shuttle Tyderium flies at the Cloverfield Monster. The Monster faces a repeatedly barrage of laser fire. Knowing that Antilles may be able to defeat it, the Monster dives into the waters again. Antilles decides that he will search for and ultimately destroy the Monster. Instead of finding the Cloverfield beast, he is met by Bizzaro and Superman (actually working together to defeat a common enemy). They rip off the wings of the Tyderium. The craft spins out of control and into the waters below. Antilles manages to eject from the aircraft.
Antilles: Whew. Barely escaped that time. . .
Antilles looks around and sees his body falling into the gaping maw of the Cloverfield Monster.
Antilles: Oh well. At least this isn’t my ninth. . .
While its mouth is opened and Antilles is falling to his digestive doom, Trinity in the Bat Copter releases all of her explosive weapons into the giant beast’s maw. The explosions shred the internal organs, as well as Antilles, apart. Both Antilles and the Cloverfield Monster perish.
On Inspector Gadget, once again using his body as a raft-like flotilla are Dare the Terminator and Jason Bourne. The cymeks, being Agamemnon, Juno, Xerxes and Tlaloc, swim to the trio. Using their strengths and abilities in unison, the cymeks manage to rip apart and eventually dismantle Inspector Gadget. Gadget and a majority of his body parts go to their watery graves. Bourne floats on a large Gadget piece and is met by Xerxes. Bourne uses his special training skills to defeat Xerxes, who is destroyed. Bourne is a little surprised at actually having killed a cymek; he is ready for another. Bourne is not ready for Agamemnon though as Agamemnon dismantles and kills Bourne (as Bourne did to Xerxes previously. Juno and Tlaloc together fight Dare the Terminator. Dare uses her enhanced abilities and her billy club to dent various pieces of Juno’s and Tlaloc’s encasements. Dare then uses a piece of “Gadget” flotilla to destroy Juno. Agamemnon comes to the fray and with Tlaloc, eventually catches and kills the blind mercenary. The cymeks turn to see Colossus (in human form) and the Super Soldier swim to the scene. As the duo comes to the various Gadget pieces (enough for them to stand on), Colossus armors up and destroys Agamemnon is a vicious battle. Super Solider, with the help of Colossus, takes out Tlaloc.
Dr. Doom and Darth Binks pull up near the Gadget pieces in their Swift Boat. Doom uses the boat’s weaponry and fires upon the Super Solider. Darth Binks springs from the boat and uses his lightsaber to sever Colossus’ left arm. The right arm is all he needs though, as Binks slips due to the wet surface, and Colossus catches Binks by his throat with his right hand. Colossus crushes Binks’ windpipe and the Sith slips to his watery grave. Dr. Doom, meanwhile, has already killed Super Soldier. Colossus focuses on Dr. Doom. The two are in a power struggle when Black Adam flies to the scene. With both Black Adam and Doom, joining together, Colossus is eventually subdued and defeated - killed.
Captain Tarpals swims to the scene. He is met by Sonny. The two warriors fight one another and Tarpals uses his weapon to slice across Sonny’s prosthetic body. Sonny’s fight with Tarpals is vicious, but the robot eventually gets the upper hand and kills Tarpals. Sonny swims on and is met by Mary Marvel. Damaged already from Tarpal’s actions, Marvel easily dispatches with Sonny. Mary Marvel flies from the waters and into the sky.
Mary Marvel joins her teammates Bizarro Superman, Rodimus Prime, Black Adam and Parallax, currently in the air. They are met by Arisia, Loki, Martian Manhunter, Optimus Prime, Red Dragon #10 and Trinity in the Bat-Copter. Parallax uses its powers to overpower and take control of Arisia’s body. With their combined powers, Parallax-Arisia is able to smash the Bat-Copter to pieces. Trinity escapes from the helicopter and is met by Red Dragon #10, who carries the Matrix legend on its back. Parallax-Arisia focuses on Red Dragon #10 and Trinity. Before Parallax-Arisia can destroy the two, Optimus Prime skewers Arisia and kills both to save his teammate from further degradation at the hands of Parallax. Loki, used to dragons in his Asgardian realm, uses his powers to slay and destroy Red Dragon #10, who plummets from the sky. Trinity uses her Matrix abilities to soften the blow as she hits the water. Rodimus Prime and Optimus Prime begin their fight against one another. The two Transformers are equally matched. They bash one another and it is not until Bizarro and Superman come to the scene that the match tips to one side. The trio manages to destroy Optimus Prime. Mary Marvel sees Loki, having just killed the dragon, and smashes his skull, killing the mischief maestro. Black Adam then takes on Martian Manhunter. The two are evenly matched. Nonetheless, Manhunter eventually bests and kills Black Adam. Bizarro, Superman, Rodimus Prime and Mary Marvel then take on the Martian Manhunter. Although Manhunter kills Marvel, the other three easily defeat and kill him.
Dr. Doom uses the swift boat to pick up his other teammates: Albus Dumbledore, Harry Potter, and Ben Kenobi. They look for the other team and fail to realize that they are already being boarded by Ben Skywalker, Captain Kirk, Neo, T-1000, Windcharger and Yoda. Dumbledore takes on the T-1000. Although the T-1000 is highly formidable, Dumbledore manages to use his magic to dismantle and disintegrate the terminator model. Captain Kirk, always looking to battle the most formidable opponent, charges at Harry Potter. The boy wizard uses his wand to send flames at the Starfleet captain. Kirk gives a scream (as heard when he was penetrated by Spock) and falls into the water, a sizzling mass of charred meat. Windcharger, in robot mode, fights the wizards, Dumbledore and Potter. Windcharger is eventually destroyed by the duo, but Dumbledore sacrifices himself to save Potter as Windcharger releases a final blast in his death throw. Ben Skywalker and Yoda deflect the magic propelled by Potter at the Jedi. Yoda then flips three times and slices Potter in half with his lightsaber. Ben Skywalker dies at the hands of his namesake Ben Kenobi. Yoda, the superior warrior, then kills Ben Kenobi. Trinity, Yoda and Neo together take out Dr. Doom. The three then focus on their next prey when Bizarro, Superman and Rodimus Prime come to the boat. The boat is in near shambles and is sinking due to the damage it has sustained in the battle. The final skirmish is over in ten minutes. Rodimus Prime kills Trinity. Neo is killed by Superman. Bizzaro is joined by Rodimus Prime and Superman in a fight against Yoda. The wizened warrior slices Bizzaro, but meets his fate as administered by Prime and Superman.
Slaves: All dead.
Commandos: Superman and Rodimus Prime alive.
POP-SUPERSTAR HANNAH MONTANA & PRESIDENT BARACK OBAMA’S “BEST OF BOTH WORLDS” TOURING BATTALION OF COMMANDOS ARE VICTORIOUS!!!
The locker room of the Slaves contains Arisia, Ben Skywalker, Captain Jean Luc Picard in an F-22, Captain Kirk, Colossus, Cthulu, Dare the Terminator, Inspector Gadget, Jason Bourne, Loki, Martian Manhunter, Neo, Optimus Prime, Red Dragon #10, Sonny (I-Robot), Spongebob Sqarepants, Super Soldier, T-1000, Trinity in the Bat-Copter, Wedge Antilles in the Shuttle Tyderium, Windcharger and Yoda.
Captain Kirk: We shall be the only one loss team after this battle! My ego will not allow anything less!
Jason Bourne: Just do your job Kirk and we’ll see to it!
Dare the Terminator: Hey! No sight jokes!!!
The locker room of the Commandos contains Dave Bowman: The Starchild, Albus Dumbledore, Harry Potter, Agamemnon, Juno, Bizarro Superman, Xerxes, Captain Tarpals, Tlaloc, The Creature from the Black Lagoon, Rodimus Prime, Black Adam, Ben Kenobi, Darth Binks and Dr. Doom in a Swift Boat, Mary Marvel, Gungans #1-14, The Cloverfield Monster and Parallax.
Darth Binks: Meesa loves to cut Slaves!!!
Dumbledore: Cut them you shall young Binks. Cut them you shall.
Dave Bowman: Not if I have anything to say about it. Our team is tired so I plan on making this match a quick one!
I transport the teams to the Pacific battleground. . . .
Dave Bowman: The Starchild takes the lead. As said in the locker room, he wants the match to finish in record time. He walks on the water with his arms spread in a deity-like pose. The Slaves are ready to suffer extreme consequences at the hands of the Starchild. As an aura spreads across Bowman and he is ready to unleash his powers upon the Slaves, Cthulu rises from the watery depths and swallows Bowman whole. As one of the Great Old Ones (and a cosmic entity itself), Cthulu manages to absorb Bowman’s powers. Bowman attempts to escape, an energy surging through his veins as he becomes cosmically nuclear. The explosion is blinding and takes out both Bowman and Cthulu. The cosmic ones perish together. Seeing that a major threat on each team has been taken out, the remaining team members charge at one another.
The Creature from the Black Lagoon swims at the Slaves. He sees Spongebob Squarepants walking on the bottom of the ocean. With one swipe of its claw, Spongebob is shredded to gelatinous pieces. The Gungans #1-14 join the Creature from the Black Lagoon and swim further into the Slaves’ territory. They are met by Captain Jean Luc Picard in an F-22. Picard uses his plane’s equipment to get the heat signatures of the Gungans and Creature. The Captain uses the Joint Direct Attack Munition guidance system and small-diameter bombs to ferret out his enemy in the water. The bombs kill Gungans #2, 5-7, 12-14. As the remaining Gungans and Creature surface in an attempt to avoid the bombing, they are met by the MBDA Meteor and rotary cannons. The Creature and the remaining Gungans are killed by Picard. As Picard circles the area, he is suddenly met by the Cloverfield Monster. The Monster smashes the F-22 and both the aircraft and Picard meet their fates in a brilliant explosion. Wedge Antilles in the Shuttle Tyderium flies at the Cloverfield Monster. The Monster faces a repeatedly barrage of laser fire. Knowing that Antilles may be able to defeat it, the Monster dives into the waters again. Antilles decides that he will search for and ultimately destroy the Monster. Instead of finding the Cloverfield beast, he is met by Bizzaro and Superman (actually working together to defeat a common enemy). They rip off the wings of the Tyderium. The craft spins out of control and into the waters below. Antilles manages to eject from the aircraft.
Antilles: Whew. Barely escaped that time. . .
Antilles looks around and sees his body falling into the gaping maw of the Cloverfield Monster.
Antilles: Oh well. At least this isn’t my ninth. . .
While its mouth is opened and Antilles is falling to his digestive doom, Trinity in the Bat Copter releases all of her explosive weapons into the giant beast’s maw. The explosions shred the internal organs, as well as Antilles, apart. Both Antilles and the Cloverfield Monster perish.
On Inspector Gadget, once again using his body as a raft-like flotilla are Dare the Terminator and Jason Bourne. The cymeks, being Agamemnon, Juno, Xerxes and Tlaloc, swim to the trio. Using their strengths and abilities in unison, the cymeks manage to rip apart and eventually dismantle Inspector Gadget. Gadget and a majority of his body parts go to their watery graves. Bourne floats on a large Gadget piece and is met by Xerxes. Bourne uses his special training skills to defeat Xerxes, who is destroyed. Bourne is a little surprised at actually having killed a cymek; he is ready for another. Bourne is not ready for Agamemnon though as Agamemnon dismantles and kills Bourne (as Bourne did to Xerxes previously. Juno and Tlaloc together fight Dare the Terminator. Dare uses her enhanced abilities and her billy club to dent various pieces of Juno’s and Tlaloc’s encasements. Dare then uses a piece of “Gadget” flotilla to destroy Juno. Agamemnon comes to the fray and with Tlaloc, eventually catches and kills the blind mercenary. The cymeks turn to see Colossus (in human form) and the Super Soldier swim to the scene. As the duo comes to the various Gadget pieces (enough for them to stand on), Colossus armors up and destroys Agamemnon is a vicious battle. Super Solider, with the help of Colossus, takes out Tlaloc.
Dr. Doom and Darth Binks pull up near the Gadget pieces in their Swift Boat. Doom uses the boat’s weaponry and fires upon the Super Solider. Darth Binks springs from the boat and uses his lightsaber to sever Colossus’ left arm. The right arm is all he needs though, as Binks slips due to the wet surface, and Colossus catches Binks by his throat with his right hand. Colossus crushes Binks’ windpipe and the Sith slips to his watery grave. Dr. Doom, meanwhile, has already killed Super Soldier. Colossus focuses on Dr. Doom. The two are in a power struggle when Black Adam flies to the scene. With both Black Adam and Doom, joining together, Colossus is eventually subdued and defeated - killed.
Captain Tarpals swims to the scene. He is met by Sonny. The two warriors fight one another and Tarpals uses his weapon to slice across Sonny’s prosthetic body. Sonny’s fight with Tarpals is vicious, but the robot eventually gets the upper hand and kills Tarpals. Sonny swims on and is met by Mary Marvel. Damaged already from Tarpal’s actions, Marvel easily dispatches with Sonny. Mary Marvel flies from the waters and into the sky.
Mary Marvel joins her teammates Bizarro Superman, Rodimus Prime, Black Adam and Parallax, currently in the air. They are met by Arisia, Loki, Martian Manhunter, Optimus Prime, Red Dragon #10 and Trinity in the Bat-Copter. Parallax uses its powers to overpower and take control of Arisia’s body. With their combined powers, Parallax-Arisia is able to smash the Bat-Copter to pieces. Trinity escapes from the helicopter and is met by Red Dragon #10, who carries the Matrix legend on its back. Parallax-Arisia focuses on Red Dragon #10 and Trinity. Before Parallax-Arisia can destroy the two, Optimus Prime skewers Arisia and kills both to save his teammate from further degradation at the hands of Parallax. Loki, used to dragons in his Asgardian realm, uses his powers to slay and destroy Red Dragon #10, who plummets from the sky. Trinity uses her Matrix abilities to soften the blow as she hits the water. Rodimus Prime and Optimus Prime begin their fight against one another. The two Transformers are equally matched. They bash one another and it is not until Bizarro and Superman come to the scene that the match tips to one side. The trio manages to destroy Optimus Prime. Mary Marvel sees Loki, having just killed the dragon, and smashes his skull, killing the mischief maestro. Black Adam then takes on Martian Manhunter. The two are evenly matched. Nonetheless, Manhunter eventually bests and kills Black Adam. Bizarro, Superman, Rodimus Prime and Mary Marvel then take on the Martian Manhunter. Although Manhunter kills Marvel, the other three easily defeat and kill him.
Dr. Doom uses the swift boat to pick up his other teammates: Albus Dumbledore, Harry Potter, and Ben Kenobi. They look for the other team and fail to realize that they are already being boarded by Ben Skywalker, Captain Kirk, Neo, T-1000, Windcharger and Yoda. Dumbledore takes on the T-1000. Although the T-1000 is highly formidable, Dumbledore manages to use his magic to dismantle and disintegrate the terminator model. Captain Kirk, always looking to battle the most formidable opponent, charges at Harry Potter. The boy wizard uses his wand to send flames at the Starfleet captain. Kirk gives a scream (as heard when he was penetrated by Spock) and falls into the water, a sizzling mass of charred meat. Windcharger, in robot mode, fights the wizards, Dumbledore and Potter. Windcharger is eventually destroyed by the duo, but Dumbledore sacrifices himself to save Potter as Windcharger releases a final blast in his death throw. Ben Skywalker and Yoda deflect the magic propelled by Potter at the Jedi. Yoda then flips three times and slices Potter in half with his lightsaber. Ben Skywalker dies at the hands of his namesake Ben Kenobi. Yoda, the superior warrior, then kills Ben Kenobi. Trinity, Yoda and Neo together take out Dr. Doom. The three then focus on their next prey when Bizarro, Superman and Rodimus Prime come to the boat. The boat is in near shambles and is sinking due to the damage it has sustained in the battle. The final skirmish is over in ten minutes. Rodimus Prime kills Trinity. Neo is killed by Superman. Bizzaro is joined by Rodimus Prime and Superman in a fight against Yoda. The wizened warrior slices Bizzaro, but meets his fate as administered by Prime and Superman.
Slaves: All dead.
Commandos: Superman and Rodimus Prime alive.
POP-SUPERSTAR HANNAH MONTANA & PRESIDENT BARACK OBAMA’S “BEST OF BOTH WORLDS” TOURING BATTALION OF COMMANDOS ARE VICTORIOUS!!!
Sunday, April 26, 2009
TEAM Vs. Alice's Wonder Team
TEAM is Superman, Comet, Streaks, Thunderstrike, Ragnarok, Depa, Billaba & Jedi Padawan #16 in a Stealth Bomber, Yarael Poof, Max Ray, Jack Lalane, Godzilla, Zilla, Emerald Weapon, Phibian #1-10, Sharkticon #47-50, & Seaspray.
Alice’s Wonder Team is General Zod, Non, Apocalypse Alice, Alice, Alice Clones #1-3, Leeloo, Jill Valentine, Brawn, Joruus C’baoth, Joruus C’baoth, Surtur, (Silver Age) Blue Beetle, Sharkticon #11-22, & Treasure Troll #3.
As the battle begins, Apocalypse Alice telepathically blows the spark of the transformed Seaspray, which in essence turns him into nothing more than a free-floating vessel. With Seaspray’s lifeless hull floating in the water, Apocalypse Alice leads her fellow Alices, Leeloo, Jill Valentine, & both C’ baoths, on top of him where they fortify their position. Superman takes flight and travels high above the water with his pets where he is followed by Zod & Non in what is sure to be a long lasting battle in and of itself. Depa Billaba along with her apprentice/co-pilot Niw-de (that’s Jedi Padawan #16) fly in below radar (not that anyone on either team has a radar) inside their Stealth Bomber. Blue Beetle with the power of his scarab at full capacity hovers above the water with Brawn next to him. Blue Beetle is consulting the magical scarab for the best course of action against his opponents but before the scarab can lend any help to the situation, Dr. Daniel Garrett and his Autobot friend are blow away by a double dose of missiles from the Jedi duo in their American plane. Surtur tries to fight back the cooling sensation of the water but with his large body of fire has no where to go. The water dissipates his body make-up and he dies without even facing an enemy……… Am I missing something here? He’s a fire god in the water week, if I am, feel free to rip me a new butt hole on the comment board, I just don’t see how he is supposed to accomplish anything (maybe it’s me)?????? Thunderstrike and Ragnarok meet up with Yarael Poof and climb aboard what was once Seaspray. Yarael Poof pulls out his lightsaber and begins dueling with Jorus. The 4 armed Quermian switches his lightsaber amongst his various arms to throw off the Jedi, and eventually overpowers him; but when Joruus attacks the Jedi Council Member, things play out differently. The twisted clone shoots force lightning at Master Poof which he manages to block with his lightsaber, but once Joruus attacks with his lightsaber, he is just to fast for the aging Jedi Master, who is finished off by a head shot from Joruus. The 4 Sharkticons from TEAM attempt to attack the 12 from Alice’s Wonder Team, but they are in no way successful. The Sharkticons work best due to their strength in numbers, which is quickly proven when Sharkticons #47-50 only succeed in killing Sharkticon # 13 before they are all destroyed. Treasure Troll #3, in what will certainly be remembered as the most impressive kill in his career grabs a hold of a sharp piece of dead Sharkticon shrapnel and stabs it into the unsuspecting jugular vein of Phibian #3. Jack Lalane then grabs a hold of the troll and with his bear hands makes Treasure Troll #3 juice which is great with a hearty meal or for right after you work out (you can find this one and many other great juice recipes in The Juice Tiger booklet that comes free with every order). Thunderstrike and Ragnarok mow thru the 3 Alice Clones, as well as Jill Valentine. Alice and Leeloo attempt to attack the 2 Thors next but Thunderstrike manages to destroy Leeloo with a hammer to the head despite her being the perfect human and Ragnarok finishes off Alice with a similar kill. Ragnarok figures on more of the same as he moves against Apocalypse Alice but she is simply to quick for him to hit. She begins slicing him up with her Kukris to no avail and then finds that her pistols can’t seem to finish him off either. Apocalypse Alice decides to go for a different course of action as she works her way into his synthetic mind, causing him to freeze temporarily. With this second of advantage she puts her genetically enhanced strength into one final blow from her kukri knife that severs Ragnarok’s head clean off. Thunderstrike sees this happen and is in absolute shock, but it does not stop him from drilling the Odin empowered Thunderstrike hammer into her skull to finish her off for good. Thunderstrike flies high into the air while Emerald Weapon targets the shell that was once Seaspray and blows it to pieces killing Joruus C’baoth in the process, and destroying the ability of water reprieve for anyone. Thunderstrike flies up to aid Superman and his pets in their all Kryptonian fight which makes Zod decide that he and Non should fly back down closer to the water in hopes that they have remaining teammates to aid them. Zod is displeased to see that the only characters left alive on his team are the 11 Sharkticons but he still feels that that is plenty to defeat their opponents. Emerald Weapon destroys Sharkticon #16, but then finds himself completely destroyed by Non who launches himself into the water like a torpedo right thru him. Non flies back out of the water and resumes his battle with Comet the Super horse and Streaks the Super cat. Non, with his incredible strength (even by Kryptonian standards) seems to be able to keep both of the super powered animals at bay, but he encounters more trouble as Max Ray and The Phibians swim up to give them a hand. Non is by far the most powerful of the people involved in the fight, but he is severely outnumbered. Non is pushed into the water by Comet and Streaks, but he breaks Comet’s neck in the process. Non kills Phibians #1, 2, 4, & 8, but is pushed back by Max Ray’s plethora of weaponry. Streaks bites down hard on Non’s chest which causes him to give out an extra loud grunt before he squashes the cat between his fingers, but Max Ray uses this to his advantage. The Centurion targets the spot of the bite with all of his lasers and missiles while the daring Phibians race in with their knives and spears all driving them into the weakened spot on Non. Phibian #9 is collateral damage in this attack, but Non is eventually killed by Max Ray’s unrelentless and perfectly pinpointed laser blasts. The 10 remaining Sharkticons swim wildly toward the 2 looming threats of Godzilla and Zilla, who are slowly moving toward the battle. The Sharkticons swarm Zilla, who uses his fire breath and powerful body to kill Sharkticons #11, 12, 17, 18, 19, & 21 before he is finally killed as the powerful metal jaws of Sharkticon #14 dig deep into Zilla’s neck (not to mention his dozens of other Sharkticon inflicted wounds). Godzilla pulls Sharkticon #14 off of the neck of Zilla and crushes him in his grip; he then blasts a huge dose of his cosmic fire breath to destroy the 3 remaining Sharkticons. Thunderstrike flies up to try and help Superman in his fight with Zod but the Thor incarnation does not even know where he could jump in so he hangs back instead to let Superman fight Zod on his own. The 2 Kryptonians pound on each other with such ferocity because at this point they have actually given up on trying to damage each other with their identical heat vision and super breath powers. The 2 separate from each other briefly so Depa Billaba flies in, in her Stealth to try and help out. She targets Zod with a missile, but before she can fire it Zod punches the wing of the plane off. The Stealth is destroyed but Master Billaba and Niw-De eject safely into the water before the crash. Superman and Zod then reengage each other and the fight ensues. Zod gets Superman in a bear hug and begins squeezing with all of the strength he can muster. Superman feels the intense pain of this move but manages to break free of the hold and catch Zod with a fierce upper cut to the chin. Zod backs up and flies in fast toward his arch-enemy’s son but Superman times his next move perfectly. Superman uses the velocity that Zod has conjured with his attack and catches Zod in the neck with a close line like blow to the neck, cracking it and causing a sound similar to a sonic boom which ends Zod’s life.
TEAM IS VICTORIOUS!
Alice’s Wonder Team is General Zod, Non, Apocalypse Alice, Alice, Alice Clones #1-3, Leeloo, Jill Valentine, Brawn, Joruus C’baoth, Joruus C’baoth, Surtur, (Silver Age) Blue Beetle, Sharkticon #11-22, & Treasure Troll #3.
As the battle begins, Apocalypse Alice telepathically blows the spark of the transformed Seaspray, which in essence turns him into nothing more than a free-floating vessel. With Seaspray’s lifeless hull floating in the water, Apocalypse Alice leads her fellow Alices, Leeloo, Jill Valentine, & both C’ baoths, on top of him where they fortify their position. Superman takes flight and travels high above the water with his pets where he is followed by Zod & Non in what is sure to be a long lasting battle in and of itself. Depa Billaba along with her apprentice/co-pilot Niw-de (that’s Jedi Padawan #16) fly in below radar (not that anyone on either team has a radar) inside their Stealth Bomber. Blue Beetle with the power of his scarab at full capacity hovers above the water with Brawn next to him. Blue Beetle is consulting the magical scarab for the best course of action against his opponents but before the scarab can lend any help to the situation, Dr. Daniel Garrett and his Autobot friend are blow away by a double dose of missiles from the Jedi duo in their American plane. Surtur tries to fight back the cooling sensation of the water but with his large body of fire has no where to go. The water dissipates his body make-up and he dies without even facing an enemy……… Am I missing something here? He’s a fire god in the water week, if I am, feel free to rip me a new butt hole on the comment board, I just don’t see how he is supposed to accomplish anything (maybe it’s me)?????? Thunderstrike and Ragnarok meet up with Yarael Poof and climb aboard what was once Seaspray. Yarael Poof pulls out his lightsaber and begins dueling with Jorus. The 4 armed Quermian switches his lightsaber amongst his various arms to throw off the Jedi, and eventually overpowers him; but when Joruus attacks the Jedi Council Member, things play out differently. The twisted clone shoots force lightning at Master Poof which he manages to block with his lightsaber, but once Joruus attacks with his lightsaber, he is just to fast for the aging Jedi Master, who is finished off by a head shot from Joruus. The 4 Sharkticons from TEAM attempt to attack the 12 from Alice’s Wonder Team, but they are in no way successful. The Sharkticons work best due to their strength in numbers, which is quickly proven when Sharkticons #47-50 only succeed in killing Sharkticon # 13 before they are all destroyed. Treasure Troll #3, in what will certainly be remembered as the most impressive kill in his career grabs a hold of a sharp piece of dead Sharkticon shrapnel and stabs it into the unsuspecting jugular vein of Phibian #3. Jack Lalane then grabs a hold of the troll and with his bear hands makes Treasure Troll #3 juice which is great with a hearty meal or for right after you work out (you can find this one and many other great juice recipes in The Juice Tiger booklet that comes free with every order). Thunderstrike and Ragnarok mow thru the 3 Alice Clones, as well as Jill Valentine. Alice and Leeloo attempt to attack the 2 Thors next but Thunderstrike manages to destroy Leeloo with a hammer to the head despite her being the perfect human and Ragnarok finishes off Alice with a similar kill. Ragnarok figures on more of the same as he moves against Apocalypse Alice but she is simply to quick for him to hit. She begins slicing him up with her Kukris to no avail and then finds that her pistols can’t seem to finish him off either. Apocalypse Alice decides to go for a different course of action as she works her way into his synthetic mind, causing him to freeze temporarily. With this second of advantage she puts her genetically enhanced strength into one final blow from her kukri knife that severs Ragnarok’s head clean off. Thunderstrike sees this happen and is in absolute shock, but it does not stop him from drilling the Odin empowered Thunderstrike hammer into her skull to finish her off for good. Thunderstrike flies high into the air while Emerald Weapon targets the shell that was once Seaspray and blows it to pieces killing Joruus C’baoth in the process, and destroying the ability of water reprieve for anyone. Thunderstrike flies up to aid Superman and his pets in their all Kryptonian fight which makes Zod decide that he and Non should fly back down closer to the water in hopes that they have remaining teammates to aid them. Zod is displeased to see that the only characters left alive on his team are the 11 Sharkticons but he still feels that that is plenty to defeat their opponents. Emerald Weapon destroys Sharkticon #16, but then finds himself completely destroyed by Non who launches himself into the water like a torpedo right thru him. Non flies back out of the water and resumes his battle with Comet the Super horse and Streaks the Super cat. Non, with his incredible strength (even by Kryptonian standards) seems to be able to keep both of the super powered animals at bay, but he encounters more trouble as Max Ray and The Phibians swim up to give them a hand. Non is by far the most powerful of the people involved in the fight, but he is severely outnumbered. Non is pushed into the water by Comet and Streaks, but he breaks Comet’s neck in the process. Non kills Phibians #1, 2, 4, & 8, but is pushed back by Max Ray’s plethora of weaponry. Streaks bites down hard on Non’s chest which causes him to give out an extra loud grunt before he squashes the cat between his fingers, but Max Ray uses this to his advantage. The Centurion targets the spot of the bite with all of his lasers and missiles while the daring Phibians race in with their knives and spears all driving them into the weakened spot on Non. Phibian #9 is collateral damage in this attack, but Non is eventually killed by Max Ray’s unrelentless and perfectly pinpointed laser blasts. The 10 remaining Sharkticons swim wildly toward the 2 looming threats of Godzilla and Zilla, who are slowly moving toward the battle. The Sharkticons swarm Zilla, who uses his fire breath and powerful body to kill Sharkticons #11, 12, 17, 18, 19, & 21 before he is finally killed as the powerful metal jaws of Sharkticon #14 dig deep into Zilla’s neck (not to mention his dozens of other Sharkticon inflicted wounds). Godzilla pulls Sharkticon #14 off of the neck of Zilla and crushes him in his grip; he then blasts a huge dose of his cosmic fire breath to destroy the 3 remaining Sharkticons. Thunderstrike flies up to try and help Superman in his fight with Zod but the Thor incarnation does not even know where he could jump in so he hangs back instead to let Superman fight Zod on his own. The 2 Kryptonians pound on each other with such ferocity because at this point they have actually given up on trying to damage each other with their identical heat vision and super breath powers. The 2 separate from each other briefly so Depa Billaba flies in, in her Stealth to try and help out. She targets Zod with a missile, but before she can fire it Zod punches the wing of the plane off. The Stealth is destroyed but Master Billaba and Niw-De eject safely into the water before the crash. Superman and Zod then reengage each other and the fight ensues. Zod gets Superman in a bear hug and begins squeezing with all of the strength he can muster. Superman feels the intense pain of this move but manages to break free of the hold and catch Zod with a fierce upper cut to the chin. Zod backs up and flies in fast toward his arch-enemy’s son but Superman times his next move perfectly. Superman uses the velocity that Zod has conjured with his attack and catches Zod in the neck with a close line like blow to the neck, cracking it and causing a sound similar to a sonic boom which ends Zod’s life.
TEAM IS VICTORIOUS!
Beckerman's Backyardigan's: Beeyatches Vs. Team Sleeping Pussy
Beckerman’s Backyardigan’s: Beeyatches are Pablo, Trident, Mer-Man, Lizard, Abe Sapien, Killer Croc, Sharkticons #1-10, Skullcruncher & Grax, Sentinel #1-12, & White Dragon #1 & 2.
Team Sleeping Pussy is Namor & his Griffin, Mimic, Black Manta, Aspen, Vision, Ultron, Kilowag, Female Sentinel #1-10, War Skrull #1-5, Skrull #23, Brainiac, Navy Sailor #1-9, & Biff Tannon.
All members of the 2 teams are dropped into the water, except for the 2 White Dragons, Namor’s Griffin, and both teams Sentinels who remain airborne. As a Watcher with as much noted experience as I have, I must admit that it is nice to see 2 teams who are so loaded with characters that are actually comfortable in this setting. As these 2 division rivals move closer to each other, several one on one battles ensue. Trident begins battling with Namor, while Black Manta fights Mer-Man and Aspen battles Abe Sapien. In the air the 12 traditional Sentinels clash with the 10 Female Sentinels resulting in the ocean being littered with metal chunks, nuts, and bolts. There is not much play by play to give as the Sentinels use both their metal bodies and their various lasers to attack each other, but the smaller, sleeker, quicker, and more advanced Female Sentinels seem to have somewhat of an upper hand, despite being out-numbered. In the end the original Sentinels prove that their future upgrades are just big tin cans like they are. The original Sentinels lose the battle, but the damage to the female Sentinel ranks are very high considering that only Female Sentinel #4 is left functioning at the end of the battle. Brainiac easily takes possession of the primitive brains of the 2 White Dragons, and makes them attack each other. The 2 dragons battle fiercely and animalistically with none of the intelligence they may have had being utilized at all (by Brainiac’s design). The 2 dragons fight until White Dragon #2 is dead, but by the end of it all White Dragon #1 is so badly injured that Ultron is able to easily blast him out of the sky, despite the fact that he is struggling to stay afloat. Biff Tannon and Pablo begin fighting each other in what I am sure was an amazing fight, but unfortunately I seemed to have dozed off in the middle of it. So to be honest I’m not really sure what happened exactly, I think they both drowned or something. Trident goes in for the kill against Namor with his trident, but Namor quickly evades the attack. The Sub-Mariner then grabs a hold of Trident’s weapon and cracks it in half. After this move, Namor in a similar fashion breaks Trident’s defenseless neck to end the life of the self-proclaimed perfect warrior. Namor’s Griffin swoops down to do battle with Lizard, but Lizard thwacks him with his powerful tail. The Griffin is thrown off course, but he recuperates and then attacks once again driving his razor sharp claws into the back and chest of Lizard to rip him apart. Killer Croc sees this battle transpire and uses it to his advantage. As the blood-thirsty Griffin finishes off Lizard, Killer Croc grabs a hold of the winged fighter and drags him below the water’s surface. Once below the water Croc takes full advantage of his surroundings and bites the jugular of Namor’s servant to kill him off. Mer-Man seems to be even better suited to the water than his opponent Black Manta, even with Black Manta’s enhanced water body, artificial gills, and extensive water training. Mer-Man’s powerful muscles help him swim circles around the equipment heavy Black Manta, but when Mer-Man draws his crustacean sword to go in for the kill he simply cannot compete with the advanced weaponry of Black Manta’s lasers which completely fry the Eternian Sea Creature. Skullcruncher, in his huge crocodile form leads Grax and the 10 Sharkticons to go help out their team’s top characters against Namor, Black Manta, and Aspen; but instead they are met by 3 more Namors, & 2 more Aspens. The 9 Navy Sailors and another Aspen manage to salvage a large chunk of Sentinel into a flotation platform which they climb on top of and prepare to defend, all while Abe Sapien is locked in an intense battle with Aspen. There are very few characters in all of Fantasy Fantasy that Abe Sapien would have trouble taking in a one on one water duel, but in the case of Aspen Matthews he may have found one. Abe does his best to attack Aspen, but her ability to move gracefully in the water surpasses even his besides the fact that she continually shifts her form from solid into water, making it near impossible for her to be harmed at all. Even the super intelligent analytical mind of Abe Sapien becomes frustrated as every attempt at victory seems to scream of defeat. Finally Aspen simply takes control of the water and sends wave after wave into the body of Abe Sapien until he can no longer control where his body is taken by the water. Aspen sends the water at Abe so violently that even a Mer-Man as adept to the water as he, is crushed by the sheer force of the water’s motion. Killer Croc resurfaces after his victory over Namor’s Griffin but he then finds himself ensnared in a net of green energy. Kilowag pulls Croc out of the water with his net and then begins to shrink it to crush the Batman villain in what eventually becomes nothing more than a ball of green energy. The Navy Sailors valiantly attempt to draw some of the water bound Transformers out of the water, which almost instantly works. Several of The Sharkticons attack the 9 Navy Men and the Aspen look-alike. The Navy Sailors thru much team work manage to take out Sharkticon #7, but in the end they are all defeated along with Aspen (actually Skrull #23). Mimic and Vision manage to lure Skullcruncher and Grax away from the Sharkticons, leaving them leaderless (not that they listen anyway) against the 3 Namors and 2 Aspens. The 3 Namors use their strength to destroy Sharkticons #2, 4, 8, & 9 before they are all killed in the battle (In their death they are revealed to be War Skrull #1, 3, & 5). The 2 Aspens (actually War Skrulls #2 & 4) are eventually overtaken by the rampaging Sharkticons as well, but not before they use their water manipulation abilities to destroy Sharkticons #3, 6, & 10. Brainiac, Kilowag, and Aspen then combine their skills to destroy Sharkticon #1 while Namor, Black Manta, & Ultron do the same to Sharkticon #5. Vision phases into the small robot body of Grax, who is not nearly as comfortable in the water as his counterpart/body Skullcruncher. Once inside the Decepticon Vision reestablishes the solidity of his right hand to disrupt the spark of Grax and kill him. Mimic takes to the air with the aid of his wings and then blasts Skullcruncher with an Optic blast/Ice shot combo to stun the bottom half of the Decepticon Head Master. Mimic then dives below the surface to continue the battle. Once below the surface, it is difficult to tell whether Mimic uses the borrowed powers of Aspen or Namor to finish off Skullcruncher, but either way the battle does not take very long.
TEAM SLEEPING PUSSY IS VICTORIOUS!
Team Sleeping Pussy is Namor & his Griffin, Mimic, Black Manta, Aspen, Vision, Ultron, Kilowag, Female Sentinel #1-10, War Skrull #1-5, Skrull #23, Brainiac, Navy Sailor #1-9, & Biff Tannon.
All members of the 2 teams are dropped into the water, except for the 2 White Dragons, Namor’s Griffin, and both teams Sentinels who remain airborne. As a Watcher with as much noted experience as I have, I must admit that it is nice to see 2 teams who are so loaded with characters that are actually comfortable in this setting. As these 2 division rivals move closer to each other, several one on one battles ensue. Trident begins battling with Namor, while Black Manta fights Mer-Man and Aspen battles Abe Sapien. In the air the 12 traditional Sentinels clash with the 10 Female Sentinels resulting in the ocean being littered with metal chunks, nuts, and bolts. There is not much play by play to give as the Sentinels use both their metal bodies and their various lasers to attack each other, but the smaller, sleeker, quicker, and more advanced Female Sentinels seem to have somewhat of an upper hand, despite being out-numbered. In the end the original Sentinels prove that their future upgrades are just big tin cans like they are. The original Sentinels lose the battle, but the damage to the female Sentinel ranks are very high considering that only Female Sentinel #4 is left functioning at the end of the battle. Brainiac easily takes possession of the primitive brains of the 2 White Dragons, and makes them attack each other. The 2 dragons battle fiercely and animalistically with none of the intelligence they may have had being utilized at all (by Brainiac’s design). The 2 dragons fight until White Dragon #2 is dead, but by the end of it all White Dragon #1 is so badly injured that Ultron is able to easily blast him out of the sky, despite the fact that he is struggling to stay afloat. Biff Tannon and Pablo begin fighting each other in what I am sure was an amazing fight, but unfortunately I seemed to have dozed off in the middle of it. So to be honest I’m not really sure what happened exactly, I think they both drowned or something. Trident goes in for the kill against Namor with his trident, but Namor quickly evades the attack. The Sub-Mariner then grabs a hold of Trident’s weapon and cracks it in half. After this move, Namor in a similar fashion breaks Trident’s defenseless neck to end the life of the self-proclaimed perfect warrior. Namor’s Griffin swoops down to do battle with Lizard, but Lizard thwacks him with his powerful tail. The Griffin is thrown off course, but he recuperates and then attacks once again driving his razor sharp claws into the back and chest of Lizard to rip him apart. Killer Croc sees this battle transpire and uses it to his advantage. As the blood-thirsty Griffin finishes off Lizard, Killer Croc grabs a hold of the winged fighter and drags him below the water’s surface. Once below the water Croc takes full advantage of his surroundings and bites the jugular of Namor’s servant to kill him off. Mer-Man seems to be even better suited to the water than his opponent Black Manta, even with Black Manta’s enhanced water body, artificial gills, and extensive water training. Mer-Man’s powerful muscles help him swim circles around the equipment heavy Black Manta, but when Mer-Man draws his crustacean sword to go in for the kill he simply cannot compete with the advanced weaponry of Black Manta’s lasers which completely fry the Eternian Sea Creature. Skullcruncher, in his huge crocodile form leads Grax and the 10 Sharkticons to go help out their team’s top characters against Namor, Black Manta, and Aspen; but instead they are met by 3 more Namors, & 2 more Aspens. The 9 Navy Sailors and another Aspen manage to salvage a large chunk of Sentinel into a flotation platform which they climb on top of and prepare to defend, all while Abe Sapien is locked in an intense battle with Aspen. There are very few characters in all of Fantasy Fantasy that Abe Sapien would have trouble taking in a one on one water duel, but in the case of Aspen Matthews he may have found one. Abe does his best to attack Aspen, but her ability to move gracefully in the water surpasses even his besides the fact that she continually shifts her form from solid into water, making it near impossible for her to be harmed at all. Even the super intelligent analytical mind of Abe Sapien becomes frustrated as every attempt at victory seems to scream of defeat. Finally Aspen simply takes control of the water and sends wave after wave into the body of Abe Sapien until he can no longer control where his body is taken by the water. Aspen sends the water at Abe so violently that even a Mer-Man as adept to the water as he, is crushed by the sheer force of the water’s motion. Killer Croc resurfaces after his victory over Namor’s Griffin but he then finds himself ensnared in a net of green energy. Kilowag pulls Croc out of the water with his net and then begins to shrink it to crush the Batman villain in what eventually becomes nothing more than a ball of green energy. The Navy Sailors valiantly attempt to draw some of the water bound Transformers out of the water, which almost instantly works. Several of The Sharkticons attack the 9 Navy Men and the Aspen look-alike. The Navy Sailors thru much team work manage to take out Sharkticon #7, but in the end they are all defeated along with Aspen (actually Skrull #23). Mimic and Vision manage to lure Skullcruncher and Grax away from the Sharkticons, leaving them leaderless (not that they listen anyway) against the 3 Namors and 2 Aspens. The 3 Namors use their strength to destroy Sharkticons #2, 4, 8, & 9 before they are all killed in the battle (In their death they are revealed to be War Skrull #1, 3, & 5). The 2 Aspens (actually War Skrulls #2 & 4) are eventually overtaken by the rampaging Sharkticons as well, but not before they use their water manipulation abilities to destroy Sharkticons #3, 6, & 10. Brainiac, Kilowag, and Aspen then combine their skills to destroy Sharkticon #1 while Namor, Black Manta, & Ultron do the same to Sharkticon #5. Vision phases into the small robot body of Grax, who is not nearly as comfortable in the water as his counterpart/body Skullcruncher. Once inside the Decepticon Vision reestablishes the solidity of his right hand to disrupt the spark of Grax and kill him. Mimic takes to the air with the aid of his wings and then blasts Skullcruncher with an Optic blast/Ice shot combo to stun the bottom half of the Decepticon Head Master. Mimic then dives below the surface to continue the battle. Once below the surface, it is difficult to tell whether Mimic uses the borrowed powers of Aspen or Namor to finish off Skullcruncher, but either way the battle does not take very long.
TEAM SLEEPING PUSSY IS VICTORIOUS!
The Right Wing Vs. The Syracuse Valley
The Right Wing is Poseidon, Silver Surfer, Kit Fisto, Phibian #11-17, Mikhail Bakunin, Ariel, Opee Sea Killer #1-6, Pirate #1-10, Droid Fighter Ship #1 & 2, Helen of Troy, Mr. Freeze, Quinlon Vos, Baby Storm, Red Tornado, Scrappy-Doo, & Martin Blank.
The Syracuse Valley is Leonardo, Michelangelo, Donatello, Raphael, Zit, Bossk, (movie) Jazz, Xenomorph #91-96, (movie) Megatron, (movie) Starscream, Sub-Zero, Scooter, U.S. Navy #60-71, Crasher, Darth Rave, Darth Techno, Rob Bartlett, Wingnut & Screwloose, Guille, Beavis, Butthead, Buttchunk, Wald, Shang Tsung, Knuckles, Rayne, Little Goomba #3, & Treasure Troll #4.
Right Wing Head Coach Mike Huckabee has instructed all members of his team that no matter how powerful they may be, that when in the water Poseidon is to be considered the battlefield general. When Jedi General Quinlon Vos replied that Coach Huckabee need not worry about the match because they were all confident in their victory, the former Arkansas Governor let Master Vos and the rest of the team know that winning is not enough this week. The Right Wing plan that was laid out for them was to prove that they are the premier water squad in all of FFL and that they were going to make an example of The Syracuse Valley. The Valley, who has in recent weeks been decimated by Graveyard entries wishes to do their best against this obvious water powerhouse, but without Master Chief to lead them or any true water characters on the roster (other than Bartlett do to all his experience from Mike & Laura’s pool) the team has few delusions of grandeur. As the 2 teams are dropped from the sky above the ocean; it is revealed that both teams have similar plans. While much of The Right Wing aims themselves for the water both Mr. Freeze and Sub-Zero freeze much of the water below them to create a platform for their teams to work from. Under orders from Poseidon, The Right Wing’s 10 pirates go to the edge of their own iceberg and begin using their flint lock pistols and cutlasses to bust up the ice around the edge of The Valley’s berg. With some of the ice busted up Poseidon sends his 6 Opee Sea Killers in to break thru the surface and break apart the ice even further, sending much of The Syracuse Valley Team into the water. Once they no longer have an ice berg to stand on Ariel swims in fast with the Huge Goober Fish behind her and then hangs back as they quickly and easily devour Beavis, Butthead, Buttchunk, Wald, Shang Tsung, Knuckles, Little Goomba #3, Screwloose, & Guille. Treasure Troll #4 tries to swim away, but Ariel catches the orange haired little Troll and twists his neck until it is broken. Mr. Freeze squares off against Sub-Zero and has an awful tough time trying to shoot the ninja with his Freeze gun. Sub Zero lands in front of him and shoots Mr. Freeze with his down toward low punch move but when the ice hits the already frozen Mr. Freeze it comes back at the ninja and freezes him instead. Mr. Freeze than overloads Sub-Zero with frozenness until the blue suited ninja cracks into pieces. Wingnut manages to make it out of the water and back onto the Valley’s iceberg, but once he is up there, he is hit by a strafing run from the 2 Droid Fighter Ships and is killed. The blasts from the 2 ships cause several more people from both teams into the water. Martin Blank was doing his best just to stay away from Darth Techno but once they are both sent into the water Darth Techno’s crimson lightsaber instantly malfunctions, as opposed to Martin Blank’s Glocks which work perfectly under water, which is how he puts 2 bullets into the chest of the Sith Lord before either one of them reach the surface. Poseidon, the god of the sea swims thru the ocean as easy as a mere mortal takes a step. The 6 Syracuse Valley Xenomorphs do a pretty good job moving thru the water as well but the brother of Zeus takes all 6 of them on single-handedly. Poseidon faces little difficulty as he uses his Trident to kill all 6 Aliens. Without their acidic blood being able to spray under the water the Right Wing’s 1st year 1st rounder leaves the battle unscathed. Rayne and Quinlon Vos engage in a fierce battle atop the now combined ice bergs, but Rayne, despite her skill can not keep up with the speed of the Jedi Master and loses the fight with a lightsaber thru her neck. Martin Blank begins to climb back on to the ice berg when he hears Helen of Troy begin to scream. Martin hurries because he is naturally in love with the beautiful former Spartan, but he gets back on the iceberg just in time to see Helen crushed to death by Scooter. Helen then becomes known as the woman who launched a thousand bullets (approximately of course) as an enraged Blank unloads both of his twin Glock .40’s into the small Go-Bot to destroy him. A vicious air battle begins with Silver Surfer taking on Megatron and Red Tornado fighting Starscream. Red Tornado spins up into the sky, but before he can prepare an attack Starscream comes in at Mach 1 and perfectly targets the android out of the sky with one of his missiles. Megatron sees the ease in which Starscream destroys his opponent and he attacks Silver Surfer with just a touch of arrogance. Megatron, in his Cybertronian jet form targets the surfer, but he evades every attack Megatron throws at him. Silver Surfer then quickly flies in and sends a blast of cosmic energy out in front of him as he blasts right thru the chest of the Mighty Megatron to destroy his spark. Silver Surfer and Starscream square off in a sort of mid-air winners circle, but The Surfer manages to destroy Starscream in much the same way he did Megatron. Rob Bartlett falls into the water with Scrappy-Doo and a fierce battle ensues. Bartlett matches Scrappy’s puppy power as the 2 of them scratch and claw at each other in the rough ocean waves. The 2 of them continue in what amounts to be a true battle for the ages until Baby Storm flies by and grabs Scrappy by the collar and then, despite much protest from the puppy she throws him back onto the iceberg. Baby Storm then sends a baby lightning bolt into the water striking Rob in the head. With the mini bolt hitting its mark in the water, it is plenty strong enough to finish off the Bartster. The 12 well trained Navy sailors prepare themselves for battle as the 7 Phibians approach. The sailors fight back fiercely but they are simply no match for the genetically enhanced Tleilaxlu creations. Phibian #11, 13, 15, & 17 die in the attack but every Navy Sailor perishes as well. Kit Fisto pops out of the water and onto the iceberg with such ease that one would think he has the power of flight. Crasher moves to attack him, but Master Fisto force pushes the Go-Bot female to the ground and then jumps on top of her with his lightsaber drawn to finish her off. Bossk squares off against the 10 pirates and immediately shows his superior fighting skills by blasting Pirates #1, 3, & 7 with his blaster. The pirates draw their cutlasses to bring the battle into close quarters but Bossk still manages to overpower Pirates #4 & 6, before the remainder of the pirates rally around the “Aaaarggh” yelling Pirate #1 to finish him off. Bossk dies with a cutlass to the chest from Pirate #8. While the Ninja Turtles and Zit, the last remaining Battletoad form up to make their stand; Darth Rave begins using the force to pull Opee Sea Killers out of the water and then throw them onto the iceberg. Once out of the water Darth Rave pumps them full of Sith Lightning which easily kills the huge fish. Darth Rave is successful in doing this to Opee Sea Killer #4 & 6 before Poseidon jumps out of the water and sticks his trident into the Sith Lord’s chest. Mikhail Bakunin swims up behind Jazz in hopes to, ….. Well I’m not sure what exactly he was trying to do, but it was definitely brave. Whatever it was Jazz notices the attacker and then turns around to crush the human in his hands. Silver Surfer then quickly avenges his buddy Bakunin (actually, who am I kidding. I don’t think Silver Surfer has ever spoken to him) by blasting Jazz into pieces with a fierce burst of cosmic energy. As the 5 large Amphibians wait for The Right Wing to converge on their position of what is left of the iceberg Zit stands back to follow what the Ninja Turtles do next, because he admires how well the 4 turtles work together, reminding him of how it once was with his 2, now deceased fellow Battletoads. He watches on as “Leonardo leads” the Turtles into the battle he then sees that “Donatello does machines” (that’s a fact Jack) as he pieces together a water proof laser rifle that he made especially for this mission. Raphael, despite the pressure is “Cool, but rude” (Gimme a break), Michelangelo on the other hand, “he’s a party dude” (Cowabunga). Together Zit says: “You guys are some Heroes in half Shell”. “Turtle Power” Michelangelo replies. The 4 turtles and the toad mow thru the last remaining Pirates when they are attacked Mr. Freeze Kit Fisto, and Quinlon Vos. Quinlon Vos and Kit Fisto break thru the turtle’s front line and take out Leonardo and Raphael with their lightsabers. Michelangelo jumps into action and kills Quinlon Vos with a perfectly placed nunchuk thwack to the top of his dome. Poseidon sees this attack and tackles Michelangelo into the water where there battle continues. Michelangelo fights valiantly but in the end cannot compete with the god of the sea while floating in the water. He is killed when Poseidon’s Trident impales him in the chest, penetrating right thru his shell. Donatello uses his hand made laser gun to shoot the Freeze gun out of Mr. Freeze’s hand. The last remaining turtle then breaks his staff over the top of Mr. Freeze’s head, busting open his helmet and killing the villain once he is exposed to the warm air. Silver Surfer sees this great use of skill and flies down hard toward the battle. The Surfer uses his indestructible board as a battering ram to smack Donatello’s whole body and kill him. Zit jumps onto the side of Droid Fighter Ship #1 and then punches a hole in the top destroying its circuitry. He then uses his big foot to kick the ship into Droid Fighter Ship #2, destroying that one as well. Zit falls back into the water and begins to swim back toward the iceberg but Master Fisto jumps in the water to meet him halfway. Kit Fisto ignites his water proof lightsaber and then uses it to run Zit thru.
THE RIGHT WING IS VICTORIOUS!
The Syracuse Valley is Leonardo, Michelangelo, Donatello, Raphael, Zit, Bossk, (movie) Jazz, Xenomorph #91-96, (movie) Megatron, (movie) Starscream, Sub-Zero, Scooter, U.S. Navy #60-71, Crasher, Darth Rave, Darth Techno, Rob Bartlett, Wingnut & Screwloose, Guille, Beavis, Butthead, Buttchunk, Wald, Shang Tsung, Knuckles, Rayne, Little Goomba #3, & Treasure Troll #4.
Right Wing Head Coach Mike Huckabee has instructed all members of his team that no matter how powerful they may be, that when in the water Poseidon is to be considered the battlefield general. When Jedi General Quinlon Vos replied that Coach Huckabee need not worry about the match because they were all confident in their victory, the former Arkansas Governor let Master Vos and the rest of the team know that winning is not enough this week. The Right Wing plan that was laid out for them was to prove that they are the premier water squad in all of FFL and that they were going to make an example of The Syracuse Valley. The Valley, who has in recent weeks been decimated by Graveyard entries wishes to do their best against this obvious water powerhouse, but without Master Chief to lead them or any true water characters on the roster (other than Bartlett do to all his experience from Mike & Laura’s pool) the team has few delusions of grandeur. As the 2 teams are dropped from the sky above the ocean; it is revealed that both teams have similar plans. While much of The Right Wing aims themselves for the water both Mr. Freeze and Sub-Zero freeze much of the water below them to create a platform for their teams to work from. Under orders from Poseidon, The Right Wing’s 10 pirates go to the edge of their own iceberg and begin using their flint lock pistols and cutlasses to bust up the ice around the edge of The Valley’s berg. With some of the ice busted up Poseidon sends his 6 Opee Sea Killers in to break thru the surface and break apart the ice even further, sending much of The Syracuse Valley Team into the water. Once they no longer have an ice berg to stand on Ariel swims in fast with the Huge Goober Fish behind her and then hangs back as they quickly and easily devour Beavis, Butthead, Buttchunk, Wald, Shang Tsung, Knuckles, Little Goomba #3, Screwloose, & Guille. Treasure Troll #4 tries to swim away, but Ariel catches the orange haired little Troll and twists his neck until it is broken. Mr. Freeze squares off against Sub-Zero and has an awful tough time trying to shoot the ninja with his Freeze gun. Sub Zero lands in front of him and shoots Mr. Freeze with his down toward low punch move but when the ice hits the already frozen Mr. Freeze it comes back at the ninja and freezes him instead. Mr. Freeze than overloads Sub-Zero with frozenness until the blue suited ninja cracks into pieces. Wingnut manages to make it out of the water and back onto the Valley’s iceberg, but once he is up there, he is hit by a strafing run from the 2 Droid Fighter Ships and is killed. The blasts from the 2 ships cause several more people from both teams into the water. Martin Blank was doing his best just to stay away from Darth Techno but once they are both sent into the water Darth Techno’s crimson lightsaber instantly malfunctions, as opposed to Martin Blank’s Glocks which work perfectly under water, which is how he puts 2 bullets into the chest of the Sith Lord before either one of them reach the surface. Poseidon, the god of the sea swims thru the ocean as easy as a mere mortal takes a step. The 6 Syracuse Valley Xenomorphs do a pretty good job moving thru the water as well but the brother of Zeus takes all 6 of them on single-handedly. Poseidon faces little difficulty as he uses his Trident to kill all 6 Aliens. Without their acidic blood being able to spray under the water the Right Wing’s 1st year 1st rounder leaves the battle unscathed. Rayne and Quinlon Vos engage in a fierce battle atop the now combined ice bergs, but Rayne, despite her skill can not keep up with the speed of the Jedi Master and loses the fight with a lightsaber thru her neck. Martin Blank begins to climb back on to the ice berg when he hears Helen of Troy begin to scream. Martin hurries because he is naturally in love with the beautiful former Spartan, but he gets back on the iceberg just in time to see Helen crushed to death by Scooter. Helen then becomes known as the woman who launched a thousand bullets (approximately of course) as an enraged Blank unloads both of his twin Glock .40’s into the small Go-Bot to destroy him. A vicious air battle begins with Silver Surfer taking on Megatron and Red Tornado fighting Starscream. Red Tornado spins up into the sky, but before he can prepare an attack Starscream comes in at Mach 1 and perfectly targets the android out of the sky with one of his missiles. Megatron sees the ease in which Starscream destroys his opponent and he attacks Silver Surfer with just a touch of arrogance. Megatron, in his Cybertronian jet form targets the surfer, but he evades every attack Megatron throws at him. Silver Surfer then quickly flies in and sends a blast of cosmic energy out in front of him as he blasts right thru the chest of the Mighty Megatron to destroy his spark. Silver Surfer and Starscream square off in a sort of mid-air winners circle, but The Surfer manages to destroy Starscream in much the same way he did Megatron. Rob Bartlett falls into the water with Scrappy-Doo and a fierce battle ensues. Bartlett matches Scrappy’s puppy power as the 2 of them scratch and claw at each other in the rough ocean waves. The 2 of them continue in what amounts to be a true battle for the ages until Baby Storm flies by and grabs Scrappy by the collar and then, despite much protest from the puppy she throws him back onto the iceberg. Baby Storm then sends a baby lightning bolt into the water striking Rob in the head. With the mini bolt hitting its mark in the water, it is plenty strong enough to finish off the Bartster. The 12 well trained Navy sailors prepare themselves for battle as the 7 Phibians approach. The sailors fight back fiercely but they are simply no match for the genetically enhanced Tleilaxlu creations. Phibian #11, 13, 15, & 17 die in the attack but every Navy Sailor perishes as well. Kit Fisto pops out of the water and onto the iceberg with such ease that one would think he has the power of flight. Crasher moves to attack him, but Master Fisto force pushes the Go-Bot female to the ground and then jumps on top of her with his lightsaber drawn to finish her off. Bossk squares off against the 10 pirates and immediately shows his superior fighting skills by blasting Pirates #1, 3, & 7 with his blaster. The pirates draw their cutlasses to bring the battle into close quarters but Bossk still manages to overpower Pirates #4 & 6, before the remainder of the pirates rally around the “Aaaarggh” yelling Pirate #1 to finish him off. Bossk dies with a cutlass to the chest from Pirate #8. While the Ninja Turtles and Zit, the last remaining Battletoad form up to make their stand; Darth Rave begins using the force to pull Opee Sea Killers out of the water and then throw them onto the iceberg. Once out of the water Darth Rave pumps them full of Sith Lightning which easily kills the huge fish. Darth Rave is successful in doing this to Opee Sea Killer #4 & 6 before Poseidon jumps out of the water and sticks his trident into the Sith Lord’s chest. Mikhail Bakunin swims up behind Jazz in hopes to, ….. Well I’m not sure what exactly he was trying to do, but it was definitely brave. Whatever it was Jazz notices the attacker and then turns around to crush the human in his hands. Silver Surfer then quickly avenges his buddy Bakunin (actually, who am I kidding. I don’t think Silver Surfer has ever spoken to him) by blasting Jazz into pieces with a fierce burst of cosmic energy. As the 5 large Amphibians wait for The Right Wing to converge on their position of what is left of the iceberg Zit stands back to follow what the Ninja Turtles do next, because he admires how well the 4 turtles work together, reminding him of how it once was with his 2, now deceased fellow Battletoads. He watches on as “Leonardo leads” the Turtles into the battle he then sees that “Donatello does machines” (that’s a fact Jack) as he pieces together a water proof laser rifle that he made especially for this mission. Raphael, despite the pressure is “Cool, but rude” (Gimme a break), Michelangelo on the other hand, “he’s a party dude” (Cowabunga). Together Zit says: “You guys are some Heroes in half Shell”. “Turtle Power” Michelangelo replies. The 4 turtles and the toad mow thru the last remaining Pirates when they are attacked Mr. Freeze Kit Fisto, and Quinlon Vos. Quinlon Vos and Kit Fisto break thru the turtle’s front line and take out Leonardo and Raphael with their lightsabers. Michelangelo jumps into action and kills Quinlon Vos with a perfectly placed nunchuk thwack to the top of his dome. Poseidon sees this attack and tackles Michelangelo into the water where there battle continues. Michelangelo fights valiantly but in the end cannot compete with the god of the sea while floating in the water. He is killed when Poseidon’s Trident impales him in the chest, penetrating right thru his shell. Donatello uses his hand made laser gun to shoot the Freeze gun out of Mr. Freeze’s hand. The last remaining turtle then breaks his staff over the top of Mr. Freeze’s head, busting open his helmet and killing the villain once he is exposed to the warm air. Silver Surfer sees this great use of skill and flies down hard toward the battle. The Surfer uses his indestructible board as a battering ram to smack Donatello’s whole body and kill him. Zit jumps onto the side of Droid Fighter Ship #1 and then punches a hole in the top destroying its circuitry. He then uses his big foot to kick the ship into Droid Fighter Ship #2, destroying that one as well. Zit falls back into the water and begins to swim back toward the iceberg but Master Fisto jumps in the water to meet him halfway. Kit Fisto ignites his water proof lightsaber and then uses it to run Zit thru.
THE RIGHT WING IS VICTORIOUS!
The Horsemen of Apokolips vs. The Abomitrons
Although I am in a haze by overdosing on an OTC medication, I have been appointed by my brethren Joshatu and Ryatu to watch the following Year 2, Week 8 Match: The Horsemen of Apokolips vs. The Abomitrons.
As I try to figure out who is in the locker room for The Horsemen, I believe I see The Sentry, Calypso, The Seacons: Nautilator, Overbite, Seawing, Skalor, Snaptrap, & Tentakill, Sea Worms #1-8, The Tigersharks: Mako, Walro, Dolph, Octavia, Lorca, Bronc and Angel, Navy Seal Chief Petty Officers #1-6, Navy Seals #1-18 and Larry Reamer in a Swift Boat.
Calypso: I have seen the dead litter the waters in the match and a small crab being the last to remain standing.
Mako: That little crab better be the last one standing on their team and not in the final battle! We don’t have a crab on our team!
Calypso: The future is not clear on that issue. . .
I then peak in The Abomitrons’ locker room and see Leviathan, Pamela Voorhees, Batman, Robin (Dick Grayson), Ace the Bat Hound, Smaug, Mega Man, Rush, Mario, Luigi, Sebastian the Crab, Kirby, Hancock, Phineas, Ferb, Perry, Ratta the Hutt, Naboo Soldiers #1-24, Ben 10 Alien Force: Ben Tennyson, Gwen, Kevin, Zombies #1 and 2, Horri-Bull & Kreb and Starship Troopers #51-62.
Sebastian the Crab: We’re doomed! Doomed! How can we go against the Horsemen?!?! They are so powerful!!! Their owner is so awesome!!
Hancock: They’re a team just like any other team in this league. Anyone can defeat anyone!
I transport the teams to the warm Pacific waters. I provide no form of flotilla or landmass for the combatants. . .
From the water rises the Leviathan. Pamela Voorhees, Batman, Robin (Grayson), Ace the Bat Hound, Mega Man, Rush, Mario, Luigi, Kirby, Phineas, Ferb, Perry, Ratta the Hutt, Naboo Soldiers #1-24, Ben 10 Alien Force: Ben Tennyson, Gwen, Kevin, Zombies #1 and 2 and Starship Troopers #51-62 crawl upon and ride the beast. Smaug and Hancock take to the air. Sebastian and Horri-Bull and Kreb take to the water.
Pamela Vorhees, standing on the Leviathan, sees Navy Seals #1-18 jump off the Swift Boat and swim toward the Leviathan. She flashes back to the dirty teenagers who were not paying attention to her son. She reaches for her knife and jumps at the Seals. In a frenzy, she manages to slice Navy Seals #1 and 5. No matter how much she is strengthened by the memory of her son, the remaining Seals are still too much for the woman. They surround her and return the favor by sending her to a watery grave. . . as did the teenagers did to her son – or did they? Starship Troopers #51-62 see the skirmish and fire their weapons at the Navy Seals. The firefight is furious as the Troopers fire their guns and the Seals use their water-proofed weapons and spear guns to fight the Troopers. Bullets and spears fly. Both sides suffer casualties. Falling from the Leviathan, either dead or mortally wounded are Starship Troopers #51, 55-59. Floating in the water face down are Navy Seals #2-4 and #13-18. Navy Seals #6-12 begin to board the Leviathan when Horri-Bull and Kreb meet them and destroy all of the fighting men.
Navy Seal Chief Petty Officers #1-6 follow their Navy comrades and swim toward the Leviathan. While the Navy Seals were unable to board the beast, the Petty Officers are able to. They are met by Naboo Soldiers #1-24 and remaining Starship Troopers #52-54 and 60-62. Many men fall in battle. Navy Seal Chief Petty Officers #1-6 are killed as well as Starship Troopers #52-54 and Naboo Soldiers #3-8.
Larry Reamer, still in the Swift Boat, rides along the borders of the Leviathan’s form. He manages to single handedly take out Starship Troopers #60-62, as well as Naboo Soldiers #12-16. Reamer becomes cocky at having killed so many of the Abomitrons himself. Reamer fails to notice Smaug in the air above the boat. The dragon unleashes his fire breath. The boat’s engine room explodes and the boat is going to its watery grave. As it is going under the water, Reamer backs into the cabin. He saw George Clooney do this in “The Perfect Storm.” [Rumor is that he thinks himself like Clooney – just not as good looking, talented, or rich].
The Sentry meets Smaug in the Sky. The air is filled with blasts from the superhuman and fire from the dragon. The Sentry manages to grab Smaug by his tail and throw him to the warm waters below. The water sizzles as Smaug meets his fate. The Sentry, while focused on the dying dragon, fails to notice Hancock coming at him full speed. Hancock focuses all of his strength and speed into a blow to Sentry’s head. Sentry’s skull is crushed and he falls to his death.
The Tiger Sharks have already exposed themselves to the Fish Tank before the match. They are transformed into their hybrids. Mako is a human/mako shark, Walro is a human/walrus, Dolph is a human/dolphin, Octavia is a human/octopus, Lorca is a human/orca, Bronc is a human/seahorse and Angel is a human/angelfish. Still having their skills as expert swimmers, they storm the Leviathan. Their hybrid forms are too powerful for a majority of the remaining Abomitrons on the Leviathan. They easily shred the remaining Naboo Soldiers. Zombies #1 and 2 shamble toward an unsuspecting Angel and rip her apart. Bronc exacts revenge for his sister’s death and kills both Zombies #1-2. What follows is a Tiger Shark massacre. Phineas, Pherb and Perry are killed by Dolph. Walro kills Ratta the Hutt, but meets his maker when the Ben 10 Alien Force comes together and using their weapons, takes Walro out. Seeing their comrade being taken out by a bunch of kids enrages both Octavia and Lorca who kill off the entire Ben 10 Alien Force. Mako is seen killing Mega Man. Notwithstanding the spree of killing caused by the Tiger Sharks, Batman, Robin and Ace the Bat use their combined skills and weapons to kill Bronc and Dolph.
Calypso has determined that the Leviathan has to go. Riding Sea Worm #2, and followed by the entire Sea Worm clan, #1, #3-8, the Dune creatures and sea nymph storm from the water’s depths in a direct collision course with the Leviathan. The Leviathan sits on the water’s surface and is crashed into by all Sea Worms, instantly killing the beast. As the Leviathan dies, its inhabitants “abandon ship.” The Seacons, who have been idly swimming around and waiting to act, spring on the scene. The Seacons, like their teammates the Tiger Sharks before them, destroy the Abomitrons in the water with ease. Snap Trap kills Batman. Nautilator kills Ace the Bat Hound and Kirby. Overbite kills Robin. Seawing kills Rush. Skalor kills Mario and Luigi.
Hancock, who is still flying above, uses the Seacon’s focus and frenzy to take out Octavia and Lorca, who are both unaware of the hero. Hancock then focuses on Mako. Hancock is hovering above the water and knows exactly how he will kill the remaining Tiger Shark. As he begins his course of action, he is met by Calypso riding Sea Worm #2, who swallows Hancock whole.
Horri-Bull and Kreb, still at the scene, manage to destroy Skalor and Nautilator. The other Seacons band together (not in their gestalt form) and destroy Horri-Bull and Kreb.
Sebastian the Crab runs away and figures that even though it is a “death match,” he will escape to live another day. He is wrong. . . .as he runs into Calypso.
Calypso: Hello, little one!
Sebastian: Oh Calypso! I served King Triton! I can serve you!
Calypso: No, I think you are the only one who is going to be served. . .
In the Horsemen’s locker room:
Mako (in human form): It’s true what they say. There is a lot of crab meat in its claws.
Calypso: Give me the left one, will you?
Abomitrons: All dead.
Horsemen of Apokolips: Calypso, Overbite, Seawing, Snaptrap, Tentakill, Sea Worms #1-8 and Mako survive.
THE HORSEMEN OF APOKOLIPS ARE VICTORIOUS!!!
As I try to figure out who is in the locker room for The Horsemen, I believe I see The Sentry, Calypso, The Seacons: Nautilator, Overbite, Seawing, Skalor, Snaptrap, & Tentakill, Sea Worms #1-8, The Tigersharks: Mako, Walro, Dolph, Octavia, Lorca, Bronc and Angel, Navy Seal Chief Petty Officers #1-6, Navy Seals #1-18 and Larry Reamer in a Swift Boat.
Calypso: I have seen the dead litter the waters in the match and a small crab being the last to remain standing.
Mako: That little crab better be the last one standing on their team and not in the final battle! We don’t have a crab on our team!
Calypso: The future is not clear on that issue. . .
I then peak in The Abomitrons’ locker room and see Leviathan, Pamela Voorhees, Batman, Robin (Dick Grayson), Ace the Bat Hound, Smaug, Mega Man, Rush, Mario, Luigi, Sebastian the Crab, Kirby, Hancock, Phineas, Ferb, Perry, Ratta the Hutt, Naboo Soldiers #1-24, Ben 10 Alien Force: Ben Tennyson, Gwen, Kevin, Zombies #1 and 2, Horri-Bull & Kreb and Starship Troopers #51-62.
Sebastian the Crab: We’re doomed! Doomed! How can we go against the Horsemen?!?! They are so powerful!!! Their owner is so awesome!!
Hancock: They’re a team just like any other team in this league. Anyone can defeat anyone!
I transport the teams to the warm Pacific waters. I provide no form of flotilla or landmass for the combatants. . .
From the water rises the Leviathan. Pamela Voorhees, Batman, Robin (Grayson), Ace the Bat Hound, Mega Man, Rush, Mario, Luigi, Kirby, Phineas, Ferb, Perry, Ratta the Hutt, Naboo Soldiers #1-24, Ben 10 Alien Force: Ben Tennyson, Gwen, Kevin, Zombies #1 and 2 and Starship Troopers #51-62 crawl upon and ride the beast. Smaug and Hancock take to the air. Sebastian and Horri-Bull and Kreb take to the water.
Pamela Vorhees, standing on the Leviathan, sees Navy Seals #1-18 jump off the Swift Boat and swim toward the Leviathan. She flashes back to the dirty teenagers who were not paying attention to her son. She reaches for her knife and jumps at the Seals. In a frenzy, she manages to slice Navy Seals #1 and 5. No matter how much she is strengthened by the memory of her son, the remaining Seals are still too much for the woman. They surround her and return the favor by sending her to a watery grave. . . as did the teenagers did to her son – or did they? Starship Troopers #51-62 see the skirmish and fire their weapons at the Navy Seals. The firefight is furious as the Troopers fire their guns and the Seals use their water-proofed weapons and spear guns to fight the Troopers. Bullets and spears fly. Both sides suffer casualties. Falling from the Leviathan, either dead or mortally wounded are Starship Troopers #51, 55-59. Floating in the water face down are Navy Seals #2-4 and #13-18. Navy Seals #6-12 begin to board the Leviathan when Horri-Bull and Kreb meet them and destroy all of the fighting men.
Navy Seal Chief Petty Officers #1-6 follow their Navy comrades and swim toward the Leviathan. While the Navy Seals were unable to board the beast, the Petty Officers are able to. They are met by Naboo Soldiers #1-24 and remaining Starship Troopers #52-54 and 60-62. Many men fall in battle. Navy Seal Chief Petty Officers #1-6 are killed as well as Starship Troopers #52-54 and Naboo Soldiers #3-8.
Larry Reamer, still in the Swift Boat, rides along the borders of the Leviathan’s form. He manages to single handedly take out Starship Troopers #60-62, as well as Naboo Soldiers #12-16. Reamer becomes cocky at having killed so many of the Abomitrons himself. Reamer fails to notice Smaug in the air above the boat. The dragon unleashes his fire breath. The boat’s engine room explodes and the boat is going to its watery grave. As it is going under the water, Reamer backs into the cabin. He saw George Clooney do this in “The Perfect Storm.” [Rumor is that he thinks himself like Clooney – just not as good looking, talented, or rich].
The Sentry meets Smaug in the Sky. The air is filled with blasts from the superhuman and fire from the dragon. The Sentry manages to grab Smaug by his tail and throw him to the warm waters below. The water sizzles as Smaug meets his fate. The Sentry, while focused on the dying dragon, fails to notice Hancock coming at him full speed. Hancock focuses all of his strength and speed into a blow to Sentry’s head. Sentry’s skull is crushed and he falls to his death.
The Tiger Sharks have already exposed themselves to the Fish Tank before the match. They are transformed into their hybrids. Mako is a human/mako shark, Walro is a human/walrus, Dolph is a human/dolphin, Octavia is a human/octopus, Lorca is a human/orca, Bronc is a human/seahorse and Angel is a human/angelfish. Still having their skills as expert swimmers, they storm the Leviathan. Their hybrid forms are too powerful for a majority of the remaining Abomitrons on the Leviathan. They easily shred the remaining Naboo Soldiers. Zombies #1 and 2 shamble toward an unsuspecting Angel and rip her apart. Bronc exacts revenge for his sister’s death and kills both Zombies #1-2. What follows is a Tiger Shark massacre. Phineas, Pherb and Perry are killed by Dolph. Walro kills Ratta the Hutt, but meets his maker when the Ben 10 Alien Force comes together and using their weapons, takes Walro out. Seeing their comrade being taken out by a bunch of kids enrages both Octavia and Lorca who kill off the entire Ben 10 Alien Force. Mako is seen killing Mega Man. Notwithstanding the spree of killing caused by the Tiger Sharks, Batman, Robin and Ace the Bat use their combined skills and weapons to kill Bronc and Dolph.
Calypso has determined that the Leviathan has to go. Riding Sea Worm #2, and followed by the entire Sea Worm clan, #1, #3-8, the Dune creatures and sea nymph storm from the water’s depths in a direct collision course with the Leviathan. The Leviathan sits on the water’s surface and is crashed into by all Sea Worms, instantly killing the beast. As the Leviathan dies, its inhabitants “abandon ship.” The Seacons, who have been idly swimming around and waiting to act, spring on the scene. The Seacons, like their teammates the Tiger Sharks before them, destroy the Abomitrons in the water with ease. Snap Trap kills Batman. Nautilator kills Ace the Bat Hound and Kirby. Overbite kills Robin. Seawing kills Rush. Skalor kills Mario and Luigi.
Hancock, who is still flying above, uses the Seacon’s focus and frenzy to take out Octavia and Lorca, who are both unaware of the hero. Hancock then focuses on Mako. Hancock is hovering above the water and knows exactly how he will kill the remaining Tiger Shark. As he begins his course of action, he is met by Calypso riding Sea Worm #2, who swallows Hancock whole.
Horri-Bull and Kreb, still at the scene, manage to destroy Skalor and Nautilator. The other Seacons band together (not in their gestalt form) and destroy Horri-Bull and Kreb.
Sebastian the Crab runs away and figures that even though it is a “death match,” he will escape to live another day. He is wrong. . . .as he runs into Calypso.
Calypso: Hello, little one!
Sebastian: Oh Calypso! I served King Triton! I can serve you!
Calypso: No, I think you are the only one who is going to be served. . .
In the Horsemen’s locker room:
Mako (in human form): It’s true what they say. There is a lot of crab meat in its claws.
Calypso: Give me the left one, will you?
Abomitrons: All dead.
Horsemen of Apokolips: Calypso, Overbite, Seawing, Snaptrap, Tentakill, Sea Worms #1-8 and Mako survive.
THE HORSEMEN OF APOKOLIPS ARE VICTORIOUS!!!
Saturday, April 25, 2009
Le' Napoleon's Brigade vs Brotherhood of Evil Midgets
Le' Napoleon's Brigade is Jaws, Skyfire, Alan Scott, The Penguin, The Lochness Monster, The Sando Aqua Monster, Silver Dragon #4-9, Emperor Palpatine, Darth Nihilus, Wonder Woman, Atrocikus, Guy Gardner (w/ Yellow Ring), Power Girl, Allia Atreides & Duncan Idaho Ghola #12 (Kwisatz Haderach) in a Swiff Boat, Glinda the Good Witch, & Courtney Cox.
The Brotherhood of Evil Midgets is Mighty Mouse, Amantia, Larvox, Toad (Magneto's bitch, not Princess Toadstool's Bitch), Duncan Idaho Ghola #5, Thundercracker, Wheely, Dragon #1-6, Bat-Mite, Megalon, Gamera, N.S.-5 #35 & 36, Kermit the Frog, Vampire #100, Beachcomber, Salacious B. Crumb, Avian #1, Purple Dragon #13 & 14, Simmell, Capt. N & Duke, Squirtle, Smurf #2, Hammer Bros. #11-16, Peppermint Patti, & Marci.
“Does anybody else feel like we are going to get our butts handed to us today?” asks a concerned Captain N. “We fight on until the end, no matter what we have to overcome,” sternly replies Duncan Idaho Ghola #5. Just then, Duke the Dog yelps and is dragged underwater to his death by Jaws. Mere moments after that, there is a massive eruption out of the Atlantic as the Lochness Monster and The Sando Aqua Monster both reveal themselves and swallow all six Hammer Bros, Salacious B. Crumb, Smurf #2, Peppermint Patti and Marci. “Your road to the playoffs ends here Brotherhood!” exclaims Wonder Woman as she flies overhead with Alan Scott and Guy Gardner flanking her. Six Silver Dragons follow them closely behind. There is a sonic boom heard as Thundercracker flies in fast towards the Brigade. “I’ll take care of him,” Skyfire says as he rockets after the Decepticon. They engage in a fierce dogfight, but Thundercracker just cannot match Skyfire’s abilities and eventually is shot out of the sky. “Ok for crying out loud! We are getting killed out here!” yells Captain N. He sends Dragons #1-6 and Purple Dragons #13 and 14 to attack the Brigade’s Silver Dragons. The combined efforts of the Purple Dragons’ psychic attacks and the Dragons’ fire breath overwhelms the Silver Dragons, but they manage to take down Dragon #4 and 5 before they all fall in to the dark waters. Guy Gardner has been order to stay back and use his yellow ring to create a giant yellow platform for the rest of his team to stand on. From there Emperor Palpatine blasts Beachcomber with Sith Lightning and shorts out his circuitry, killing the pacifist Autobot. Mighty Mouse shoots into this battle with great intensity. He first, without hesitation, flies right through The Penguin’s face and then rocks Power Girl right in the jaw. “What the hell just hit me?!” exclaims Power Girl as she is rubbing her jaw. “Here I come to kick you ass!” shouts Might Mouse. Power Girl is having serious trouble catching the small powerhouse, but then Mighty Mouse makes a fatal mistake. He flies in too close and gets sandwiched in between Power Girl’s heaving bosom. She then uses them to literally crush the life out of Might Mouse. “Wow, never thought I’d use these things to actually kill someone,” Power Girl says to herself. “That was disturbing,” Alan Scott says as he flies by. N.S. 5 #35 and 36 leap onto the yellow platform and quickly sneak up and kill Courtney Cox, and try to attack Darth Nihilus, but both receive several lightsaber swipes for their troubles. Glinda the Good With floats over the water in her pink bubble and overwhelms Vampire #100 with good, wholesome magic that it destroys his dark heart. Allia Atreides and Duncan Idaho Ghola #12 ride in on their Swift Boat. Toad, Captain N, and Kermit the Frog all climb out of the water and board the Swift Boat. Toad flings his tongue at Duncan Idaho Ghola #12, but the Kwisatz Haderach is far too skilled for Toad to handle and before he even realizes that his tongue has been cut off in mid-air by a crysknife, he finds that same crysknife deep in his chest. Allia then disposes of Kermit the Frog in what I can only describe as one of the most vicious and stomach turning acts that I will be forever burned into my memory. Captain N tries his best to hit one of them with his blaster, but they are both too much for him to handle and he receives a crysknife to the back of the neck. They then dump the bodies overboard as they continue their assault. Jaws then makes another pass and eats Simmell. Megalon and Gamera then surface from underwater and try to even the odds. Jaws swims through the water at great ease, but Megalon impales the Great White Shark with his drill like appendage. The Sando Aqua Monster then attacks Gamera. The two giant creatures battle in the water, which is causing massive waves. Duncan Idaho Ghola #12 and Allia Atredies are both tossed from their Swift Boat, which drives out of control and crashes into the side of Gamera. This hardly even affects the giant turtle. However the Sith Lightning that Emperor Palpatine shoots at Gamera does affect him. This attack allows the Sando Aqua Monster to bite down and pull Gamera deep down into the depths of the ocean and finishes him off. Atrocitus flies in filled with rage, and blasts Avian #1 out of the sky. He is then double teamed by Amantia and Larvox. Though they are both valiant Green Lanterns, The Red Lantern’s hate filled power is too much for them and they both are ripped to shreds by an energy blast from Atrocitus’s red ring. Glinda is then confronted by the mischievous Bat-Mite. They duel with their magic capabilities, with Bat-Mite gaining the advantage. He finally gets the better of her, when she takes too long to cast her next spell, and he vaporizes her (or at least, that’s what I think happened, since she just vanished). The Purple Dragons fly low to the water, but this ends up being as mistake. The Lochness Monster snatches Purple Dragon #13 out of the air and pulls it into the ocean. Wheelie uses his slingshot and flings an energon pellet at Wonder Woman, which really just pisses her off. She flies fast down towards the water and with one quick motion; she rips the head off of the annoying Transformer. Skyfire soars in and attacks the remaining Dragons. His advanced technology and expert flying abilities are more than enough for him to take care of Dragons #1-3, 6 and Purple Dragon #14. “Alright Power Girl lets end this fight,” Wonder Woman says to her teammate. Guy Gardner flies in, eager to actually start fighting, which causes Emperor Palpatine and Darth Nihilus to drop in the water. The Brotherhood though is not prepared to go down without a fight. Megalon blasts Duncan Idaho Ghola #12 and Allia Atreides away with his red napalm bombs. He is then attacked by Alan Scott, Guy Gardner, Atrocitus (what a weird combination!). The three lanterns use their rings in a combined effort and bring down the giant monster. Power Girl swoops in and picks Duncan Idaho Ghola #5 out of the water and launches him into the atmosphere. Bat-Mite then turns Darth Nihilus into a Limited Edition Action Figure (which will be auctioned off for Heroes Without Homes immediately follow this match). Bat-Mite then feels something strange. That something is Emperor Palpatine’s lightsaber sticking through his chest. Squirtle then finds himself alone against Le’ Napoleon’s Brigade. He tries with all his might and lets loose a powerful stream of water towards them. But it is not enough, Wonder Woman flies up behind him and viciously rips his shell right off his back.
LE’ NAPOLEON’S BRIGADE IS VICTORIOUS!
Friday, April 24, 2009
Bryatu's Disease Infested Body
To the entire league:
Please be advised that I have been struck with the disease which I heard caused the downfall of a martian race which invaded Earth as seen in "War of the Worlds." To add to the insult that such a minor pathogen would infect this body of perfection is the fact that a secondary injury of pulling the entire musculature of my midsection has occurred, leaving me somewhat disabled in the "breathing department." I am led to believe that if I had a "six-pack" instead of my "no-pack" I would not have suffered such a substantial injury. Finally, my spouse has left me with my heirs alone. She is attending a wedding in Cali whose guest list I am heard is made up of those people who do not warrant TMZ following them around. Thus, without her love and the assistance of others, I must focus on my children's growing minds and do not wish to warp them even more by having them gaze at the Wikipedia characters which run across my computer while I write my matches. Based on all of the previously mentioned items, I have requested an additional three day reprieve from Joshatu (and Ryatu) in the posting of my matches. . . I am sorry for the inconvenience - I have failed you all. . .
-Bryatu
Please be advised that I have been struck with the disease which I heard caused the downfall of a martian race which invaded Earth as seen in "War of the Worlds." To add to the insult that such a minor pathogen would infect this body of perfection is the fact that a secondary injury of pulling the entire musculature of my midsection has occurred, leaving me somewhat disabled in the "breathing department." I am led to believe that if I had a "six-pack" instead of my "no-pack" I would not have suffered such a substantial injury. Finally, my spouse has left me with my heirs alone. She is attending a wedding in Cali whose guest list I am heard is made up of those people who do not warrant TMZ following them around. Thus, without her love and the assistance of others, I must focus on my children's growing minds and do not wish to warp them even more by having them gaze at the Wikipedia characters which run across my computer while I write my matches. Based on all of the previously mentioned items, I have requested an additional three day reprieve from Joshatu (and Ryatu) in the posting of my matches. . . I am sorry for the inconvenience - I have failed you all. . .
-Bryatu
Monday, April 20, 2009
Week 8: Death Match
Setting: The Pacific Ocean
Points: 699
Prize: Rebel Alliance Snow Speeder
-Le' Napoleon Brigade Vs. The Brotherhood of Evil Midgets
-Built Ford Tough Vs. Brock Sampson's Fighting Murderflies
-Better Than All of You Vs. Xavier's Annihilation Squad
-The Untouchables Vs. Michael Vick's Bad Newz Kennelz of Lurve
-The Horsemen of Apokolips Vs. The Abomitrons
-Beckerman's Backyardigan's: Beeyatches Vs. Team Sleeping Pussy
-TEAM Vs. Alice's Wonder Team
-The Right Wing Vs. The Syracuse Valley
-George Washington's Slaves Vs. Pop-Superstar Hannah Montana & President Barack Obama's "Best of Both Worlds" Touring Battalion of Commandos
Points: 699
Prize: Rebel Alliance Snow Speeder
-Le' Napoleon Brigade Vs. The Brotherhood of Evil Midgets
-Built Ford Tough Vs. Brock Sampson's Fighting Murderflies
-Better Than All of You Vs. Xavier's Annihilation Squad
-The Untouchables Vs. Michael Vick's Bad Newz Kennelz of Lurve
-The Horsemen of Apokolips Vs. The Abomitrons
-Beckerman's Backyardigan's: Beeyatches Vs. Team Sleeping Pussy
-TEAM Vs. Alice's Wonder Team
-The Right Wing Vs. The Syracuse Valley
-George Washington's Slaves Vs. Pop-Superstar Hannah Montana & President Barack Obama's "Best of Both Worlds" Touring Battalion of Commandos
Brock Samson's Fighting Murderflies vs The Brotherhood of Evil Midgets
Brock Samson's Fighting Murderflies are The Maxx & Julie Winters, Doc Brown, Lorne Michaels, Speedy Gonzalez, Brak, Dobby, (Brain Damaged) Beowulf, Sarah Palin, The Groovy Gang: Ted, Val, Patty, Sonny, & Groovy, Jay & Silent Bob w/ Suzanne, Forge, Bob: Agent of HYDRA, Agent X, Aunt May, Hellboy, Lobo, Dark Claw, The Technibots, Rancor #1, Ewok #4-40, The Power Puff Girls: Blossom, Bubbles, & Buttercup, The Planeteers, Ted Nugent, Brock Sampson, & Kyle Rayner.
The Brotherhood of Evil Midgets is Tom Bombadill, Flint Fireforge, Robert Muldoon, Gwildor, Wicket, & Paploo in a Hummer, Ewok #41-46, Haldir, X-23, Omega Supreme, Superboy, Ch'p & Dr, Ub'x, Salaack, Asajj Ventress, Mangy Mouse, Gold Dragon #3, Wonder Man, Rogue, Nazgul #3 w/ Fell Beast, Aurra Singh, Pythona, Ryachu, Gamera, Mas y Menos.
Brock Samson’s Fighting Murderflies are all very excited for this opportunity to unleash their Ewok battalion in their home turf. And Forge has outfitted all of them with special weaponry. All 37 Ewoks scatter into the trees as they ready for battle. They were however, not prepared for the team that The Brotherhood sent out to meet them in this encounter. Asajj Ventress and X-23 rush in and immediately eviscerate the entire Groovy Gang as well as Aunt May and Lorne Michaels. Superboy and Wonder Man then follow them quickly. The two powerhouses fly in each take on two of the Murderflies’ bigger members, Rancor #1 and Brain Damaged Beowulf. Wonder Man blasts BDB with a massive amount of ionic energy and then makes him just plain “Brain Dead Beowulf.” Rancor #1 then chomps down on Superboy, who puts his arms up to pin the giant beast’s jaws open. He then uses his heat vision to blasts a hole through the back of the Rancor’s skull. The Powerpuff Girls spring into action, tired of this initial stomping their team is receiving. They triple team Aurra Sing and blast her away with their combined powers. Ted Nugent likes the three little girls’ style and follow suit by shooting Dr. Ub’x right between the eyes with a flaming arrow. Rogue flies in and drains the life out of The Maxx and goes slightly crazy for it. She then smashes Julie Winters into mush. Hellboy runs up and punches Rogue with the Right Hand of Doom and sends her crashing into a tree. He then turns around and shoots Mas y Menos with the Good Samaritan. The Technibots for Computron and starts knocking down trees. The Autobot gestalt is then faced with a challenge that they are unable to compute a victorious scenario; Omega Supreme. Computron valiantly attacks Omega, but is simply overpowered and all five Technibots are destroyed. Robert Muldoon then takes aim and shoots Suzanne the Orangutan. Jay and Silent Bob freak out at the loss of “their girl” and brutally beat Muldoon to death with branches. The fighters then hear “By your powers combined, I am Captain Planet!” The Planeteers have called upon Captain Planet in hopes to turn the tides in this match. He instantly begins to control the plant life surrounding everyone. Flint Fireforge and Gwildor are strangled to death by some tree roots. X-23 cuts her way out of some roots and slices through all of the Planeteers, even Suchi the monkey. (Especially Suchi the monkey.) She then swipes at Brock Samson’s chest but her razor sharp claws barely cut him. He gets angry at her ruining his favorite black shirt and Brock kicks X-23 in the gut. Brock is about to continue beating on X-23, but his attention is drawn to Pythona who swipes at his back. The team leader then wraps Pythona in a bear hug and squeezes until her spine snaps. Haldir dodges Ted Nugent’s flaming arrows and then puts three arrows right into the Motor City Madman’s chest. Sarah Palin, who avenges her fellow NRA member, then shoots the elf in the throat. Salaak and Ch’p then engage Kyle Rayner. They try to double team him, but he pretty much give all the Kyle Rayner-haters the finger by quickly and almost effortlessly blasting both Green Lanterns away. Lobo then gets his hands on Ryachu, who tries to electrocute Lobo, but all it does is singe him a bit and make him smell even worse. Lobo then crushes the Pokemon with his bare hands. Gamera then stomps his way in and blasts several of his plasma fireballs at the Murderflies’ camp and kills Speedy Gonzalez, Bob: Agent of H.Y.D.R.A., and Doc Brown. Dark Claw pops his claws and slices Mangy Mouse in three small pieces as the Mouse flies by. X-23 then sneaks up behind Dark Claw and tackles him to the ground. Dark Claw kicks her away and leaps back to his feet. The two the tear into each other in a bloody and vicious fight. Before long, X-23 stands victorious, but only for a moment, as she collapses to the ground, exhausted and seriously wounded from the fight. She then crawls her way over to a tree and leans up against it, allowing her healing factor to kick in and get to work. Tom Bombadil blasts Dobby with some powerful magic before the house-elf could teleport. He then finishes him off with some more magic. Nazgul #3 swoops in on his Fell Beast and in one pass the Fell Beast snatches Brak in its mouth and eats him. Agent X targets the Fell Beast and brings it down by unloading two full magazines into its neck. The Fell Beast crashes to the ground and Nazgul #3 is thrown from his mount. The Nazgul then stalks and chops the head off of Agent X. Rogue then flies up and attack Captain Planet and drains all of his powers from him, letting the mullet-wearing tree hugger fall to his doom. A big tree trunk then swings right at Asajj Ventress, but she slices through it with her lightsabers. She then does a back flip and lands on the other one that was thrown at her. The Powerpuff Girls then simultaneously attack her, but in a blur of lightsabers, Blossom, Buttercup and Bubbles are all struck down by Ventress. All of a sudden, a Hummer come crashing in, completely out of control and smashes into a tree. Out come Wicket, Paploo and Ewoks #41-46. They instantly all scatter into the trees and attack the Murderflies’ Ewoks. The Brotherhood Ewoks find themselves all ensnared into a net however, since the Murderflies’ Ewoks have been setting up camp this entire battle. All 37 Ewoks come out of the trees and slaughter The Brotherhood’s Ewoks is a completely tasteless fashion. The Forge-enhanced Ewoks all scamper into the battle, but they completely forget about Omega Supreme and Gamera are still in this battle. Omega Supreme squashes Ewoks #4-16 without even noticing it. Gamera blasts his plasma fireballs and kills Ewoks #27-33 as Gold Dragon #3 swoops in and incinerates Ewoks #17-23. The forest now smells like barbequed dog hair. Omega Supreme the uses his sensors to target the tiny furry creatures and blows the rest of them away. “Crap. We really put our whole plan behind those little guys,” says Brock Samson. He then looks at what his badly depleted team is still up against, which is Omega Supreme, Gamera, Tom Bombadil, X-23, Superboy, Wonder Man, Asajj Ventress, Gold Dragon #3, Wonder Man, Rogue, and Nazgul #3. As team captain he feels that it’s best that what’s left of his team retreats and live to fight another day.
THE BROTHERHOOD OF EVIL MIDGETS IS VICTORIOUS!
Sunday, April 19, 2009
TEAM vs The Abomitrons
TEAM is Superman, Streaks, Comet, Thor, Thunderstrike, Ragnarok, Treebeard, Galvatron, Depa Billaba w/ Jedi Padawan #16, Yareal Poof, He-Man w/ Battle Cat, Set, Bloodwynd, Nightmare, Baby Wolverine on a 4-Wheeler, Lord Katsumoto, Gannon, Willow, Gen. Thade in a Tank, Jackie Chan.
The Abomitrons are Batman, Robin (Dick Grayson) in The Batmobile (Golden Age), Ace the Bat Hound, Smaug, Iron Man, Capt. America, Bucky, Nomad & Baby Bucky on Speeder Bike, Hancock, Blade, Leviathan, Cerberus, Ben Tennyson, Gwen, Kevin, Mrs. Voorhees, Beast, Kirby, Stryfe, Abin Sur, Commander Cody, Capt. Rex, Elite Clone Trooper #22 & 23 in a Land Speeder, Elite Clone Trooper #24-25, Rotta the Hutt, & Naboo Soldier #1 in a Tank, Fineas & Ferb w/ Perry in an AT-ST, Mara Jade (Jedi), & Death Adder.
The moment The Abomitrons are teleported to the Forest Moon of Endor, they are immediately attacked. Galvatron uses his arm cannon to annihilate the AT-ST that Fineas, Ferb, and Perry were all riding in. Thor then leads Thunderstrike and Ragnarok into battle. Ragnarok, though, has been having serious difficulty working with these two Thors, as he thinks that he is actually the real Thor and not just a cyborg/clone. He flies ahead of Thor and Thunderstrike and immediately goes after Hancock. “Aww Hell no. I dare you to hit me again, Goldilocks!” Hancock says as he wipes some blood from his mouth after being hit in the face with Ragnarok’s hammer. The Thor clone b-line’s it right at Hancock again, but this time he is wrecked with a vicious uppercut by Hancock. Ragnarok is sent sailing backwards. Hancock flies up into the air, hot on the heels of the staggered Ragnarok. He then wrestles the hammer away from the Thor clone and since it’s not actually Mjolnir, he is able to wield it. Hancock then brings the hammer down as hard as he can and obliterates Ragnarok’s synthetic skull. The Thor clone’s limp body the crashed back down to the ground. As Thor and Thunderstrike fly into battle, without warning or provocation, Thunderstrike slams his mace into Thor. “Thou are a TEAMmate, valiant Thunderstrike. Why would thou strike me?” asks a surprised and dazed Thor. “I….don’t….know…” replies Thunderstrike as if he is battling something within himself. Death Adder and Stryfe, who is using his telepathy to control Thunderstrike, attack the two Thors. Death Adder’s massive axe and Thor’s hammer clash, and then Stryfe uses his telekinesis to hit Thunderstrike with a massive boulder. Thor uses Mjolnir to bring down several powerful lightning bolts and sends them coursing through Death Adder, which eventually kills him. Thor then hits Stryfe with his hammer, which releases Stryfe’s mental grip on Thunderstrike. The Thor duo is then able to overwhelm Stryfe and end his life with several well-placed hammer blows. General Thade is currently inside TEAM’s tank, and is not handling the situation very well. He is freaking out and just slamming on the controls with his fists. Naboo Soldier #1, along with the useless Rotta the Hutt, drive up in The Abomitrons’s tank and blow away Thade and his tank, since Naboo Soldier #1 actually knows how to drive the thing. Blade and He-Man are engaged in a well-pitched sword fight. Blade is using his speed and agility to keep He-Man at bay, but in the end the Master of the Universe is simply too strong for the Daywalker to overcome and He-Man buries the Sword of Grayskull deep into Blade’s chest. Battle Cat, Streaks the Super Cat, Comet the Super Horse, Ace the Bat Hound and Cerberus are all fighting each other in a vicious pet fight. Cerberus pounces on to Battle Cat and rips the fearless and powerful tiger apart with his three heads. Ace, though valiant, is really just a German Shepard and has his side kicked in by Comet. Cerberus gets the surprise on Comet and uses his powerful jaws to bite the horse’s head clean off. (If I were The Abomitrons I would then leave said head in TEAM’s locker room as a message, Godfather style. But that’s just me.) Now as it has been through all of time, a cat and a dog face each other for pet supremacy. The saying normally goes “it’s not the size of the dog in the fight, but the size of the fight in the dog” but in this situation, it would definitely have to be changed to “the size of the fight in the cat.” Streaks zips through the air directly at Cerberus and the three headed dog swallows the cat in on gulp. But Streaks blasts through the dog’s stomach and kills the powerful animal. Nomad and Baby Bucky are weaving though the thick forest upon their Speeder Bike, but Jedi Padawan #16 uses her lightsaber to cut the front of the Speeder Bike off, which sends it careening out of control. Nomad is able to safely leap from the bike with Baby Bucky. Depa Billaba then leaps in and utilizing the lightsaber fighting technique of Form VII Vaapaad, she quickly ends the lives of Nomad and Baby Bucky. Ben Tennyson the turns into Jetray and flies at the speed of sound, firing his neuroshock blasts at Yareal Poof, killing the Jedi Master. Gannon and Willow then double-team Gwen Tennyson and overwhelm her with magic and kill her. Kevin then absorbs the properties of a nearby boulder and knocks Baby Wolverine off of his 4-Wheeler. He starts hitting Baby Wolverine as hard as he can with his rock fists, but Baby Wolverine pops his claws and slices Kevin’s arms off. He then cuts his head off as well. As Jetray flies through the air, he is eaten in a quick snap by one of Set’s massive heads. Pamala Voorhees then attacks Jackie Chan and repeatedly stabs him with a machete. As she continues to brutally stab the action star, Lord Katsumoto comes up behind her and decapitates her with his sword. Iron Man flies in and fires his repulsor ray right at Baby Wolverine, blasting the infant mutant away. Commander Cody and Captain Rex lead Elite Clonetroopers #22-25, with “Double Deuce” and #23 riding in a Land Speeder. Nightmare then attacks the Clonetroopers and immediately takes out Elite Clonetrooper #24 and #25. “Double Deuce” then slams the Land Speeder into Nightmare, which stuns him, allowing Rex and Cody to blast him away. Using all of then energy coming from the deceased combatants from this fight, Bloodwynd blasts a hole right through Abin Sur. Treebeard then slowly stomps his way through the forest and steps on the tank that Rotta the Hutt and Naboo Soldier #1 were riding in, probably not even noticing that he did it. Batman and Robin are both ripping through the trees in the Golden Age Batmobile. They fire a grappling at Treebeard’s leg and start making passes around him (a la Wedge from Empire Strikes Back with the AT-AT). They finally bring the Ent down, which allows Smaug to swoop in and burn him up with his fire breath. Kirby then sneaks up and swallows Streaks the Super Cat. He then burps Streaks out as a bunch of stars, now giving Kirby all of the attributes of the Super Cat. Kirby zaps Willow in the back of the head with his new heat vision, killing the magical dwarf. He tries to do the same to Gannon, but he teleports to safety. Beast leaps onto Lord Katsumoto and starts clawing at his armor. The samurai then drives his sword up underneath Beast’s ribcage and kills the mutant. “It’s a shame. I feel like we would have had good conversations,” laments Lord Katsumoto. He then finds himself face to face with Mara Jade. He defends himself the best he can, but her lightsaber slices through his sword almost as easily as it cuts through Katsumoto. Cody and Rex lead Elite Clonetroopers #22 and 23 against Depa Billaba and Jedi Padawan #16. The Clonetroopers are able to take out Jedi Padawan #16 with ease, but Depa kills Elite Clonetroopers #22 and 23 in retaliation. Then all of the fight is brought to a halt by the arrival of Set. The massive seven-headed serpent quickly and easily blasts Bucky and Mara Jade with his cosmic fire breath. But he is then surprised by finding himself attacked by someone of equal or probably greater size than he; Leviathan. The giant monster immediately bites two of Set’s heads clean off. The other five wail in pain as they attack Leviathan in unison. Smaug flies in and tries to aid Leviathan, but one of the heads sees this coming an blasts him away with his cosmic breath. Kirby uses his new powers to fly up towards Set, but is attacked by the one armed, one-eyed Superman, who has finally entered this battle. Though he is missing body parts, Superman’s sheer strength is too much for Kirby to overcome, and the pink puffball plummets to his doom. Superman flies back to the ground where he is met with a shield right to the face. Captain America then lands a huge uppercut to Superman’s jaw, which lifts him off of his feet. Superman then actually spits a couple teeth out of his mouth. He’s then his with a blast of Iron Man’s repulsor rays. Captain America then leaps on top of Superman and hits him several more times with vicious punches. Superman then sees why he is taking on so much damage; Batman gave his Kryptonite ring to Captain America. This is the last thing he sees before Captain America brings his shield down with all of his might and cracks Superman’s neck. “Nice work, Cap,” Iron Man says on his StarkTech comlink. “There’s no way I would have been able to do that if he was at 100%, we got lucky. Let’s hope Leviathan is having the same luck,” Captain America replies. But unfortunately he’s not. Leviathan is being overwhelmed by Set’s power, but before he finally succumbs, he is able to take out three more of Set’s heads. Hancock this entire time has still been dealing with the problem of Thor and Thunderstrike, and amazingly, he is keeping them at bay. He kicks Thor hard in the gut, to knock him away for a moment. He then flies around and behind Thunderstrike. Hancock wraps him in a headlock and squeezes until he hears a pop. Before Thor can retaliate, Hancock is hit by a plasma blast from the ground by Galvatron. Cody and Rex target Bloodwynd and stun him with their blasters, which allows Iron Man to fly in and deliver the killing blow to him. Batman and Robin then join Captain America, Hancock, Commander Cody, Captain Rex and Iron Man for their final attack. Gannon reappears right behind them and kills Rex and Cody with some magic and then teleports away just as quickly. They find themselves with a terrible decision to make. Do they continue fighting the force of Set (with two heads), Thor, Galvatron, He-Man and Depa Billaba or do they admit defeat and live to fight another day. Hancock is about to make the decision for them as he starts to fly up in the air, but Captain America grabs him by the arm and tells him that this fight is over. “I’m sorry friend, we just can’t risk anymore losses,” Cap says to Hancock.
TEAM IS VICTORIOUS!
Team Sleeping Pussy Vs. The Syracuse Valley
Team Sleeping Pussy is Xenomorph #1-10, Brood Alien #1-5, Brood Queen, Khan Noonian Sighn, Unus the Untouchable, Deathbird, Darryl Revoc, War Skrull #1-5, Super Skrull, Skrull #23-27, & Kilowag.
The Syracuse Valley is (movie) Megatron, (movie) Starscream, Raphael, Michelangelo, Donatello, Casey Jones, Splinter, Nightcrawler, Baby Nightcrawler, Nocturne, Venom, Sith Lord #4 & Sith Lord #5, The Battletoads: Zit, Rash, & Pimple, Sonic, Knuckles, Bossk, Dash Rendar & Leebo in an AT-ST, (movie) Jazz, Sub-Zero, Raiden w/ Kid Thunder, Rob Bartlett, Mr. Game & Watch, Crasher, Scooter, Wald, Hammer Bros. #2-7, Boomerang Bros. #1-6, Fire Bros. #2-7, Giant Hammer Bros. #1-6, Little Goomba #3-5, & Treasure Troll #4.
The queenless Xenomorphs seem to have taken to the Brood Queen and become completely assimilated with the Brood (I don’t want to get into who copied off of who, I am just saying what all us dorks already know, that they are basically the same thing). Deathbird instantly releases all her aliens as the first wave of offense which is exactly what they act as towards the Syracuse Valley’s front line of Defense. Megatron and Starscream transform and take flight while Super Skrull and Kilowag both take to the air to meet them in battle. Fire Bros. #2 attempts to hold the line by rallying all of his “something or other” Bros. brethren, but their weapons are simply no match for the Brood/Xenomorph combination. The Brood Queen herself takes out Fire Bros. #2 who finds that his fire power is of no use against these particular foes while the Queen’s 15 followers mop the floor with the 6 Hammer Bros., Boomerang Bros., & 5 other Fire Bros. The 6 Giant Hammer Bros. have enough power to take out Xenomorph #3, but once the surge of aliens comes thru the Giant Hammer Bros. toughness is dwarfed by their opponents. The Aliens then continue their rampage by finishing off the 3 goombas, Treasure Troll #4, Wald, & even Scooter. Rob Bartlett delivers a wicked shot to the head of Brood Alien #2 with his hockey stick, but it does little damage as he is finished off as well. Nightcrawler notices the 5 original X-Men on Team Sleeping Pussy and says to Nocturne: “Coach Mcgruff told me that he had perfect Intel, on their starting line-up and that they didn’t play the X-Men, but there they are”. Nocturne replies with “you actually got Mcgruff to say something to you. All he said to me was to “take a bite out of Team Sleeping Pussy””. The 5 members of the original X-Men are of course actually War Skrull #1-5, who have been genetically engineered to employ the powers of their teammates the X-Men. Crasher and Mr. Game & Watch team up to try and put a stop to the alien rampage but they are not very successful either. With a little help from Mr. Game & Watch, running interference; Crasher is able to transform into her robot form and crush in the head of Xenomorph #6 before the rest of the aliens kill both her and Mr. Game & Watch. Kahn leads Unus the Untouchable, and the fake Iceman and Beast against the Ninja Turtles, while Deathbird takes to the air along with the fake Jean Gray & Angel to help out Kilowag and Super Skrull. The fake Cyclops then leads a team of 5 more Cyclopses to do battle with the Battletoads. In the air battle, Super Skrull and Kilowag end up teaming up on Megatron while Deathbird keeps tight with her team against Starscream. Starscream uses his machine guns to target Angel (War Skrull #5) out of the sky, but the dogfight with the other combatants continues to heat up. Darryl Revoc gets into the mind of Sub-Zero, to take him out; but the scanner makes a mistake when he does the same thing to Kid Thunder. The attack works fine on the little friendship token, but it sends Raiden into a frenzy. Raiden focuses his lightning power on Revoc to completely fry him. Jazz leads an offensive against the aliens with Dash Rendar in his AT-ST, Sonic, Knuckles, & Bossk. Jazz takes out Brood Alien #3 but is then over taken by the rest of the aliens. Megatron lands in a large forest clearing but is soon met by the Kilowag/Super Skrull team-up. Megatron attempts to blast the 2 of them with his laser cannon, but the 2 of them evade the attack. Super Skrull flies in with his Human Torch powers and then uses his big orange rock fist to put a decent size hole in the chest of the Decepticon. With just this little bit of damage, Kilowag is able to take full advantage, by pumping the weak spot full of enough green energy to extinguish the spark of the Decepticon leader. Dash Rendar, with the help of his trusty droid Leebo, from inside their AT-ST are doing more damage to the aliens than anyone else on their team has been able to do. With their powerful laser blasts, they have been able to take out Xenomorph #1 & 8, as well as Brood Alien #5. The aliens attack the legs of the AT-ST and are able to bring down the walker. Dash Rendar is able to escape the walker before it blows up, but Leebo is not fast enough. The banged up Rendar, now unprotected by the AT-ST, pulls out his side arm, and is able to take out Xenomorph #10 before the other aliens kill him as well. Bossk, is quite the skilled alien killer, which is why he uses numerous dirty tactics to take out Xenomorph #7, and then perfectly target the Brood Queen, to kill her as well. With the death of their queen the aliens lose what little sense of direction they had, but they lose none of their fierceness. The other aliens rip apart Bossk, before he can do any more damage. It is very hard for the aliens to catch Knuckles, but when they do, there is little that Knuckles can do to defend himself. Brood Alien #2 easily rips Knuckles apart, once he is finally caught. The 5 Cyclopses attempt to engage The Battletoads in hand to hand combat, but they are outmatched by the Toads. Zit kills Skrull #23 & 25 while Pimple pops Skrull #26. Rash kills Skrull #24 & 27, but is then hit by an optic blast from War Skrull #1 that rips thru him to end his life. War Skrull #1 is then sliced apart, not by Darth Rave but by his new apprentice Darth Techno. Darth Rave has by no means gotten over the loss of his master Darth Maul, but he is doing his best to relay the fierce fighting style that was taught to him, to his new apprentice. Lord Rave has noticed that Lord Techno is strong with the force but he is not without problems. Darth Techno, who was briefly instructed by Count Dooku during Season 1, was kicked off of The Brotherhood for former member of Beckerman’s Backyardigan’s: Beeyatches: Darth Yardigan. Lord Tyranus claimed that Darth Techno spent too much time partying instead of learning the true meaning of the force. But under the more exciting tutelage of Darth Rave, perhaps Lord Techno will fare a little better. Starscream targets Deathbird with one of his missiles and blows her out of the air but Jean Gray (still a War Skrull at heart) flies head first into Starscream and takes him out in true kamikaze fashion. Khan uses his superior strength and speed to dodge the attacks of Donatello and steal away the turtle’s weapon. With Don’s bo in hand, Khan is able to crack the turtle in the head and kill him. The 2 remaining Battletoads come to help out the Turtles but Khan is able to use Donatello’s weapon on Pimple, to finish him off as well. Raiden pumps Xemomorph #5 and Brood Alien #2 with enough lightning to blow them to pieces, but the acid spray from Xenomorph #5 puts an end to Raiden as well. Sonic the Hedgehog uses his spin attack to take out Xenomorph #2, and is then actually fast enough to avoid the acid spray despite the close proximity of the attack. Darth Rave and Darth Techno jump in with their lightsabers to take out the last 2 remaining Xenomorphs, but Darth Techno gets cocky for just a second to long, which causes him to not notice Brood Alien #4, who rips the Sith Lord apart. Splinter uses his superior martial arts skills to take out the final 2 Brood Aliens, but once the last of the aliens are defeated Unus takes advantage of the exhausted old sensei and uses one of Darth Techno’s 2 fallen lightsabers to kill Splinter. Casey Jones goes into a rage after seeing the death of Splinter and starts swinging his hockey stick like a man possessed. Casey, with the help of his equally infuriated pal Raphael take out both the fake Ice Man, and the fake Beast. Super Skrull then flies down and wraps his elastic leg around the neck of Casey Jones and breaks it, before the thug/hero can do any more damage. Kilowag returns to the heart of the battle and destroys Baby Nightcrawler with a giant green fist, he then turns his ring on Michelangelo and runs him thru with a sword made entirely of green energy. Kilowag then attempts to attack Venom but Venom is able to jump out of the way of the green lantern’s attacks. Venom then jumps into the air and drop kicks the powerful Kilowag to the ground. Venom then uses his symbiote suit to cover the mouth of Kilowag and then pound on his stomach with his powerful legs until Kilowag can no longer breathe at all and is killed. Super Skrull uses his power of invisibility to sneak up behind Venom while he is still getting off Kilowag and attack him. Venom fights back fiercely but once Super Skrull uses his fire powers, backed with the strength of The Thing, Venom is no longer able to compete, and he dies at the hands of the ultimate War Skrull. Raphael, Nightcrawler, Darth Rave, Zit, & Sonic begin pounding on Unus’ forcefield with everything they have got but it is of no avail. Nocturne then begins trying her hardest to teleport inside of the forcefield but Unus keeps making the forcefield smaller and smaller to keep her out. In the end Unus makes the field so small that Nocturne is trapped inside and killed but with the field so small and out of control even the oxygen that Unus needs to survive is repelled which kills him as well. With Unus the Untouchable finally defeated Super Skrull and Khan see that they are both surrounded and outnumbered, which is why Khan gives a signal to Super Skrull for him to protect Khan with his invisible force field and retreat from the battle by air.
THE SYRACUSE VALLEY IS VICTORIOUS!
The Syracuse Valley is (movie) Megatron, (movie) Starscream, Raphael, Michelangelo, Donatello, Casey Jones, Splinter, Nightcrawler, Baby Nightcrawler, Nocturne, Venom, Sith Lord #4 & Sith Lord #5, The Battletoads: Zit, Rash, & Pimple, Sonic, Knuckles, Bossk, Dash Rendar & Leebo in an AT-ST, (movie) Jazz, Sub-Zero, Raiden w/ Kid Thunder, Rob Bartlett, Mr. Game & Watch, Crasher, Scooter, Wald, Hammer Bros. #2-7, Boomerang Bros. #1-6, Fire Bros. #2-7, Giant Hammer Bros. #1-6, Little Goomba #3-5, & Treasure Troll #4.
The queenless Xenomorphs seem to have taken to the Brood Queen and become completely assimilated with the Brood (I don’t want to get into who copied off of who, I am just saying what all us dorks already know, that they are basically the same thing). Deathbird instantly releases all her aliens as the first wave of offense which is exactly what they act as towards the Syracuse Valley’s front line of Defense. Megatron and Starscream transform and take flight while Super Skrull and Kilowag both take to the air to meet them in battle. Fire Bros. #2 attempts to hold the line by rallying all of his “something or other” Bros. brethren, but their weapons are simply no match for the Brood/Xenomorph combination. The Brood Queen herself takes out Fire Bros. #2 who finds that his fire power is of no use against these particular foes while the Queen’s 15 followers mop the floor with the 6 Hammer Bros., Boomerang Bros., & 5 other Fire Bros. The 6 Giant Hammer Bros. have enough power to take out Xenomorph #3, but once the surge of aliens comes thru the Giant Hammer Bros. toughness is dwarfed by their opponents. The Aliens then continue their rampage by finishing off the 3 goombas, Treasure Troll #4, Wald, & even Scooter. Rob Bartlett delivers a wicked shot to the head of Brood Alien #2 with his hockey stick, but it does little damage as he is finished off as well. Nightcrawler notices the 5 original X-Men on Team Sleeping Pussy and says to Nocturne: “Coach Mcgruff told me that he had perfect Intel, on their starting line-up and that they didn’t play the X-Men, but there they are”. Nocturne replies with “you actually got Mcgruff to say something to you. All he said to me was to “take a bite out of Team Sleeping Pussy””. The 5 members of the original X-Men are of course actually War Skrull #1-5, who have been genetically engineered to employ the powers of their teammates the X-Men. Crasher and Mr. Game & Watch team up to try and put a stop to the alien rampage but they are not very successful either. With a little help from Mr. Game & Watch, running interference; Crasher is able to transform into her robot form and crush in the head of Xenomorph #6 before the rest of the aliens kill both her and Mr. Game & Watch. Kahn leads Unus the Untouchable, and the fake Iceman and Beast against the Ninja Turtles, while Deathbird takes to the air along with the fake Jean Gray & Angel to help out Kilowag and Super Skrull. The fake Cyclops then leads a team of 5 more Cyclopses to do battle with the Battletoads. In the air battle, Super Skrull and Kilowag end up teaming up on Megatron while Deathbird keeps tight with her team against Starscream. Starscream uses his machine guns to target Angel (War Skrull #5) out of the sky, but the dogfight with the other combatants continues to heat up. Darryl Revoc gets into the mind of Sub-Zero, to take him out; but the scanner makes a mistake when he does the same thing to Kid Thunder. The attack works fine on the little friendship token, but it sends Raiden into a frenzy. Raiden focuses his lightning power on Revoc to completely fry him. Jazz leads an offensive against the aliens with Dash Rendar in his AT-ST, Sonic, Knuckles, & Bossk. Jazz takes out Brood Alien #3 but is then over taken by the rest of the aliens. Megatron lands in a large forest clearing but is soon met by the Kilowag/Super Skrull team-up. Megatron attempts to blast the 2 of them with his laser cannon, but the 2 of them evade the attack. Super Skrull flies in with his Human Torch powers and then uses his big orange rock fist to put a decent size hole in the chest of the Decepticon. With just this little bit of damage, Kilowag is able to take full advantage, by pumping the weak spot full of enough green energy to extinguish the spark of the Decepticon leader. Dash Rendar, with the help of his trusty droid Leebo, from inside their AT-ST are doing more damage to the aliens than anyone else on their team has been able to do. With their powerful laser blasts, they have been able to take out Xenomorph #1 & 8, as well as Brood Alien #5. The aliens attack the legs of the AT-ST and are able to bring down the walker. Dash Rendar is able to escape the walker before it blows up, but Leebo is not fast enough. The banged up Rendar, now unprotected by the AT-ST, pulls out his side arm, and is able to take out Xenomorph #10 before the other aliens kill him as well. Bossk, is quite the skilled alien killer, which is why he uses numerous dirty tactics to take out Xenomorph #7, and then perfectly target the Brood Queen, to kill her as well. With the death of their queen the aliens lose what little sense of direction they had, but they lose none of their fierceness. The other aliens rip apart Bossk, before he can do any more damage. It is very hard for the aliens to catch Knuckles, but when they do, there is little that Knuckles can do to defend himself. Brood Alien #2 easily rips Knuckles apart, once he is finally caught. The 5 Cyclopses attempt to engage The Battletoads in hand to hand combat, but they are outmatched by the Toads. Zit kills Skrull #23 & 25 while Pimple pops Skrull #26. Rash kills Skrull #24 & 27, but is then hit by an optic blast from War Skrull #1 that rips thru him to end his life. War Skrull #1 is then sliced apart, not by Darth Rave but by his new apprentice Darth Techno. Darth Rave has by no means gotten over the loss of his master Darth Maul, but he is doing his best to relay the fierce fighting style that was taught to him, to his new apprentice. Lord Rave has noticed that Lord Techno is strong with the force but he is not without problems. Darth Techno, who was briefly instructed by Count Dooku during Season 1, was kicked off of The Brotherhood for former member of Beckerman’s Backyardigan’s: Beeyatches: Darth Yardigan. Lord Tyranus claimed that Darth Techno spent too much time partying instead of learning the true meaning of the force. But under the more exciting tutelage of Darth Rave, perhaps Lord Techno will fare a little better. Starscream targets Deathbird with one of his missiles and blows her out of the air but Jean Gray (still a War Skrull at heart) flies head first into Starscream and takes him out in true kamikaze fashion. Khan uses his superior strength and speed to dodge the attacks of Donatello and steal away the turtle’s weapon. With Don’s bo in hand, Khan is able to crack the turtle in the head and kill him. The 2 remaining Battletoads come to help out the Turtles but Khan is able to use Donatello’s weapon on Pimple, to finish him off as well. Raiden pumps Xemomorph #5 and Brood Alien #2 with enough lightning to blow them to pieces, but the acid spray from Xenomorph #5 puts an end to Raiden as well. Sonic the Hedgehog uses his spin attack to take out Xenomorph #2, and is then actually fast enough to avoid the acid spray despite the close proximity of the attack. Darth Rave and Darth Techno jump in with their lightsabers to take out the last 2 remaining Xenomorphs, but Darth Techno gets cocky for just a second to long, which causes him to not notice Brood Alien #4, who rips the Sith Lord apart. Splinter uses his superior martial arts skills to take out the final 2 Brood Aliens, but once the last of the aliens are defeated Unus takes advantage of the exhausted old sensei and uses one of Darth Techno’s 2 fallen lightsabers to kill Splinter. Casey Jones goes into a rage after seeing the death of Splinter and starts swinging his hockey stick like a man possessed. Casey, with the help of his equally infuriated pal Raphael take out both the fake Ice Man, and the fake Beast. Super Skrull then flies down and wraps his elastic leg around the neck of Casey Jones and breaks it, before the thug/hero can do any more damage. Kilowag returns to the heart of the battle and destroys Baby Nightcrawler with a giant green fist, he then turns his ring on Michelangelo and runs him thru with a sword made entirely of green energy. Kilowag then attempts to attack Venom but Venom is able to jump out of the way of the green lantern’s attacks. Venom then jumps into the air and drop kicks the powerful Kilowag to the ground. Venom then uses his symbiote suit to cover the mouth of Kilowag and then pound on his stomach with his powerful legs until Kilowag can no longer breathe at all and is killed. Super Skrull uses his power of invisibility to sneak up behind Venom while he is still getting off Kilowag and attack him. Venom fights back fiercely but once Super Skrull uses his fire powers, backed with the strength of The Thing, Venom is no longer able to compete, and he dies at the hands of the ultimate War Skrull. Raphael, Nightcrawler, Darth Rave, Zit, & Sonic begin pounding on Unus’ forcefield with everything they have got but it is of no avail. Nocturne then begins trying her hardest to teleport inside of the forcefield but Unus keeps making the forcefield smaller and smaller to keep her out. In the end Unus makes the field so small that Nocturne is trapped inside and killed but with the field so small and out of control even the oxygen that Unus needs to survive is repelled which kills him as well. With Unus the Untouchable finally defeated Super Skrull and Khan see that they are both surrounded and outnumbered, which is why Khan gives a signal to Super Skrull for him to protect Khan with his invisible force field and retreat from the battle by air.
THE SYRACUSE VALLEY IS VICTORIOUS!
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