Week 3: TEAM vs Crack Danks

 TEAM: Sharkticon #1-10, Jack Lalane, Emerald Weapon, Morg, Trypticon (Brunt and Full-Tilt as part of Trypticon), Superboy, Iron Hide, Leader One, Cy-Kill, Crasher, Cop-Tor, Hot Rod, Ultra Magnus, Perceptor

Crack Danks: Jaws 2, Jaws 3, The Planteers (Earth, Wind, Fire, Water, Heart), Dr. Manhattan w/ White Lantern Ring, Green Lantern Penguin, Leonardo w/ Katana Blade (-4), Incredible Hulk (-4), Krampus, Whitmore Bludd, Sheeana Brugh, Jolee Fishdo, Obi Wan Kenobi w/ Force Saber, Knuckles, Wario, King Hippo, Goldmember

So what had happened was, Elon Musk was supposed to be rich and donate a bunch of breathing apparatuses, but then the bovid said not happening. Soooo Jack Lalane, Krampus, Whitmore Bludd, Sheeana Brugh, Knuckles, Wario, and Goldmember basically drowned off the start. Obi Wan is a badass jedi so he has his own breathing apparatus and King Hippo, while being a human and only nicknamed hippo, was somehow able to survive underwater like a normal hippo.

After leaving the dead bodies, Crack Dank advances towards the lost city of Atlantis where TEAM has already taken control. The Sharkticons keep watch along the borders of the city, anxiously waiting for their next prey. Superboy attempts to devise a defense plan as he knows an enemy is coming. The various transformers and go bots await next to Superboy for a glorious battle in the sea. As for Crack Dank’s advance, Dr. Manhattan, having foresight, already knows how this encounter will end… and continues anyways towards the city leading his friendlies.

Leonardo wants to create a sneak attack plan, but Jaws 2 and 3 go straight for the 10 sharkticons and devour them. The final three sharkticons are able to kill Jaws 3 but are quickly finished themselves by Jaws 2. This movement awakens Emerald Weapon who is sitting dormant at the bottom of the ocean and he attacks Jaws 2 destroying the massive shark to pieces. Upon seeing Emerald Weapon, Leonardo advances with his katana blade and slices and dices the final fantasy boss. TEAM hears the fighting occurring at the edge of Atlantis and the transformers move towards the action. Trypticon approaches Crack Danks with pure hatred as it is the only thing he can feel. He annihilates the Planteers along with Green Lantern Penguin. Hulk becomes enraged seeing his teammates be killed so easily and one punches Trypticon into a million pieces. Hulk continues his raging attack and grabs Leader One and throws him into Cy-Kill and Crasher while quickly moving towards Cop-tor and ripping the “transformer” in half.

Meanwhile, Jolee Fishdo and Obi Wan have been swimming around the battle to come up behind Morg and use their light sticks to easily cut through Morg. Unfortunately for the two Jedi, Superboy heard Morg’s outcry when being killed. The young Superboy quickly moves towards the two Jedi and Superboy uses his freeze breath to freeze the two and then punch them into a million pieces each. As Superboy was preoccupied, Hulk continued his frenzy of rage and obliterated Hot Rod, Ultra Magnus, and Perceptor. In his destructive wake, Hulk accidently killed his own teammate King Hippo. Superboy has had enough of Hulk and throws him straight up out of the water and into space, where Hulk slowly moves towards the sun with no more control on his movement in the vacuum of space.

On his own adventure on the ocean floor, Leonardo finds a green unknown substance resting on the ocean floor… 

From what Superboy and Iron Hide can see, it is just them two versus Dr. Manhattan. Iron Hide shoots missiles at the glowing being to which no harm is taken by Dr. Manhattan. Dr. Manhattan responds, “There is no use in that, I already know how this encounter ends. It is trivial to even try to stop the future from occurring.” Superboy replies, “Oh really? And how exactly do you see this ending, because it’s not looking too good for you.” Dr. Manhattan says “I know.” To which Superboy has had enough and approaches Dr. Manhattan to punch him into last the milenia, Dr. Manhattan quickly crushes Iron Hide into the size of a smart car and accepts Superboy’s attacks. He continues to take hits until he is finally receiving pain and begins to die, at the same time Superboy finally becomes tired. Superboy winds up to give one last final blow to Dr. Manhattan and kill the all powerful being. Dr. Manhattan says in his final breaths “Thank you for making me feel human again” and with a smile Dr. Manhattan is defeated by the final punch. Dr. Manhattan’s foresight has played out exactly as here foresaw it. Superboy, tired beyond his own belief, believes he has won the battle, but Leonardo comes forth with a green tainted blade and stabs the young kryptonian through the heart.

FFL 2021 Week 3: Acrobats vs. Evil Midgets

 *-4 denotes 4 deaths*

Acrobatic Assassins: Martian Manhunter -4, Miss Martian -4, Poseidon -4, Jaws, Avatar Korra, Katara w/ Blue Lantern Ring, Desna, Eskam John Stewart w/ Green and Blue Lantern Rings, Indigo-1, Munk, Vampire Dr. Manhattan, Elf #9-11, Orc #30-50, and Uruk Hai #6-11

Evil Midgets: Seaspray, Abe Sapien, Mimic, Water Bender #2, Allicon #1-5, Thundercracker, Skywarp, Joan Jett in a Frog Suit, OA Guardian #1-2, Yellow Lantern #1A and 2A, Michelangelo, Toad, Blue Toad, Yellow Toad, Combaticons consisting of Onslaught, Brawl, Blast-Off, Swindle, Vertex, and the Stunticons consisting of Motor Master, Breakdown, Wildrider, Dead End, and Dragstrip

This match takes place in the City of Atlantis.

We start with Ashoka’s Acrobatic Assassins as they spawn into Atlantis, immediately three Elves, twenty Orcs and six Uruk Hai realize that they are underwater and immediately start swimming up to the surface to breathe. The Orcs and Uruk Hai aren’t able to hold their breath long enough and drown before they can reach the surface. The Elves are able to hold their breath long enough to make it to the surface but then succumb to Decompression Sickness as their bodies are not used to such high pressures of the deep sea. They reached sea level too quickly, thus causing Nitrogen Bubbles to form in their brain and death.  

The Midgets spawn in and Mimic realizes he’s under water, thankfully his mimic abilities give him gills from Jaws. The Combaticons and Stunticons immediately combine to become Bruticus and Menasor. Avatar Korra, Katara, Desna and Eska work together to take on Menasor, while John Stewart, Indigo-1, and Munk work together to combat Bruticus. 

The water benders first try to combat Menasor by freezing trying to freeze the giant transformer in place but that does not work as it just easily breaks the frozen water every time. Menasor is annoyed with the frozen water and takes a slash at the benders with his sword killing both Desna and Eska. Korra becomes enraged after seeing her cousins killed and becomes enraged as she attacks Menasor with a flurry of water bending attacks. Katara also does the same. Martian Manhunter sees the water benders struggling with the large transformer. Then out of the corner of his eye he sees a trident laying on the ground, so he grabs it and goes to help out the benders. He comes speeding across the back of Menasor and slashes the Trident across the back of the transformer causing significant damage. Then Katara starts hitting Menasor with Blue Lantern energy blasts while Martian Manhunter hits the Mechanical Beast with more and more attacks from his trident. Eventually the damage it has taken has become too critical and the beast is slayed.

Michelangelo sees this naked glowing blue dude and convinces Toad, Blue Toad, and Yellow Toad to come help him take him on. Michelangelo’s convincing argument was “it’s just a glowing blue dude, what’s the worst he could do”. The group confronts the dude not realizing it’s Dr. Manhattan. Michelangelo makes some jokes about Dr. Manhattan. He is thoroughly annoyed by the group so he just decides to vaporize Michaelangelo, Toad, Blue Toad, and Yellow Toad.  

Mimic sees what Vampire Dr. Manhattan does to his teammates and decides to mimic his abilities. Mimic then begins to try and vaporize Dr. Manhattan but the doctor pushes back and is trying to defend his vaporization. The OA Guardians and Yellow Lanterns see Mimic struggling and decide to hit Dr. Manhattan with energy blasts and eventually it is just too much energy for Dr. Manhattan perishes to the squad.

Water Bender #1 sees Katara across the battlefield (or whatever it’s called underwater) and decides to attack Katara. Though the attack was futile as Katara is a much better bender and basically toys with the bender before making a sharp spear shaped chunk of frozen water and propelling it through the chest of the Water Bender.

Jaws is hungry so it decides to eat Joan Jett. 

Jaws is still hungry so it decides to eat the two OA Guardians.

Martian Manhunter and Miss Martian team up to attack Mimic. Mimic is able to copy all of the Martian's abilities but is also able to increase his intelligence by being in range of Martian Manhunter. At first the wombo combo of the two martian’s struggled with Mimic but eventually overpowered Mimic as Martian Manhunter's proficiency with a Trident was just too much for the power hungry Mimic.

As that was going on John Stewart, Indigo-1 and Munk are still trying to defeat Bruticus but they are struggling as the Transformer is just too large. The lanterns are getting tired and the Stunticons notice, so they grab Munk and rip him in half. Bruticus then shoots Jaws with an energy blast from their gun killing Jaws.

The 5 Allicons, Thundercracker, Seaspray and Skywarp start attacking Avatar Korra, Katara, Martian Manhunter and Miss Martian. The transformers are too much right off the bat for Katara and kill her immediately by a large chomp from one of the Allicons. Korra uses her water bending to hit one of the Allicons with a powerful water strike that blows it up. Miss Martian rips the jaw open of another Allicon, killing it, while Martian Manhunter speeds through the rest of the Allicons with his Trident and destroys them all. Miss Martian then uses her super speed to swim right through Seaspray with immense power and blow the transformer up. Thundercracker and Skywarp then team up to shoot their blasters at Miss Martian and kill her as she was slightly weakened from the fire from the explosion that she caused of Seaspray. 

While Martian Manhunter was fighting the transformers Abe Sapien has stealthed behind Avatar Korra and uses a B.P.R.D. issued underwater rifle to shoot Avatar Korra in the back of her head.

Martian Manhunter, now outmanned, has to face Thundercracker and Skywarp by himself. At first he struggles against the two Transformers, but his intelligence is just too high as he is able to easily predict every move the transformers make. The Transformers just keep shooting energy blasts from their built in blasters and eventually Martian Manhunter is able to get them facing each other with himself in between them and he dodges at the last second and the Transformers shoot and kill each other. Martian Manhunter then goes to help the remaining Acrobats with Bruticus.

Indigo-1 and John Stewart are clearly exhausted at this point as they have been battling with Bruticus for quite some time. Indigo-1 is so tired that she’s struggling to keep her force field up just so she can breathe underwater. Abe Sapien notices this and sets up upon an underwater hill to line up the shot with his rifle. Indigo-1’s force field keeps having little holes show up in her force field and Abe Sapien times up the shot and shoots at Indigo-1 and strikes her in the back killing her. Abe Sapien is now 2 for 2 on shots in this match. Martian Manhunter sees the trail from the rifle shot and flies up to Abe Sapien and stabs him with the Trident. 

Now it’s just John Stewart and Martian Manhunter left versus the Combaticons. John Stewart has become even weaker now and can’t defend himself anymore against Bruticus as the large Transformer hits John Stewart with a shot from it’s blaster and kills him. 

Martian Manhunter is all that’s left to face Bruticus. Just as he’s about to attack the Transformer, the sea currents begin to move violently as Poseidon has awakened to help Martian Manhunter. Poseidon uses all of his power to control the currents and pick up the Combaticons and throws them violently into a large rock formation, destroying Bruticus. This much power used by Poseidon kills him. 

Week 3 democracy match: Super Kitties err whatever vs Affirmative Action Popeyes

Kitties are: Daffy Duck, Daisy Duck, Medusa, Ocean Master in a submarine, Aqualad, Argent, Barricade, Bombshell, Shockwave, Pipes, Killer Frost, Kirby, Aphrodite, Capt. Cold, Gold Dragon #2- 1, Finick O’Dare with Trident, Darth Traya w/ Red Lantern Ring, Piplup w/ Ice flower, Squirtle, Baby Storm, Phibian #1-20 - 20.

Popeyes are: Destro, Beachhead, Road Block, Gung Ho, Lt. Flint, Shipwreck, General Hawk, Duke, Nemesis Enforcer, Lady Jane, Serpentor, Globulous, The Baroness, Head Coach, Tigger, Eeore, Rabbit, Piglet, Shawn Michaels, Marty Hannety (W/ Racoon Leaf), Bret “The Hitman” Hart, Jim “The Anvil” Niedhart, Mike Sroka, Laura Sroka, James Sroka, Fred Baker, Slash, Jaws (From Jaws 4), The Sando Aqua Monster, Ethan The Rabbit Fishman (W/ Beskar Armor), Bruno Samartion, Weird Al Yankovic, Luke Skywalker’s Spirit, Timmel, Tasmanian Devil, Voldemort (W/ Yellow Lantern Ring), Sentinel #4, Sentinel #5, Sentinel #6

S12 W2: TEAM vs Kittens

 TEAM is: Josh & Kids Lantern Crew (Josh plus Laya, Alex, Scarlett and Grayson all as some sort of lantern I presume), Non, Black Lantern Yoda, Black Lantern Sinestro, Duke Nukem, Post Porch Zombie Al Dogg, Bill Rizer, Lance Beam, Junkeon #7

Dramatic Kittens of Luna are:

Hermione Granger (Final Death), Apocalypse, Finich O' Dare (w/ trident & Men in Black memory eraser), Professor Minerva Mognonagle, Fred & George Weasley, Mystery Inc.: (Fred, Velma, Daphne, Shaggy, Scooby-Doo, Scrappy-Doo, & Scooby-Dumb) in the Mystery Machine, Chun Li, Bellamy Blake, Baby Ewok #2, 3, & 7.

The Scooby doo gang is driving around the City of Detroit looking for a fight. They see a man standing on a street corner with 4 young children and decide to ask them for directions. 

“Hey there. We’re in a fantasy fantasy match. We are a little lost since none of the streetlights work in this town and every street sign is missing.” Says Fred. “Think you could help? We’re with the Kittens of Luna and are looking for our teammates. Have you seen them?” 

“Oh. We’re TEAMmates.” Answers Josh. “Can we get a lift?”

“I don’t think you are. I’ve never seen you at any of our team protests and I definitely have never seen you at one of our vegetarian BBQs.” Says Velma.

“What’s the point of a BBQ if there is no meat? What do you even cook!?” Alex asks disgustedly. 

Laya rolls her eyes at Alex and goes back to sending tweeters out on the SnapBook.

“Why, Cauliflower steaks of course! Zoinks!” says Shaggy. 

“Oh, God!” Alex blurts out as he begins to vomit on the side of the road at the very thought of eating a vegetable.

“Regardless, you aren’t on our team so I can’t let you in.” Says Fred

“We’re for sure on the TEAM. I assure you.” Says Josh

“No you’re not. You don’t-- wait. Are you saying team or TEAM?”

“Yes”

“Come on, be serious.”

“We are TEAMmates. I assure you.”

“You’re doing it again! You’re saying ‘TEAM’ ambiguously just to confuse us!”

“No I’m not. You’re the one who doesn’t know that we’re all on the same TEAM.” 

“Cut it out!” screams Fred

“Are you going to let us in or not?” Asked Josh.

“I don’t think so.” Fred responded smugly.

“Suit yourself…”

Within seconds the young Houslander soldiers had the car doors opened and after a few quick blasts of some voodoo lantern magic, the Mystery Machine was full of corpses. Josh and Alex piled the bodies on the road and Laya hopped in the driver’s seat. Scarlett and Grayson hopped in back with Alex and were playing with the baby ewoks. As Josh was climbing into the passenger seat, a giant explosion went off a few blocks away and the earth shook as several buildings fell into a mountain of rubble. 

“Aww. We missed the match. I wonder if we won.” said Josh as he shut the door. “I’m sure there will be a recap.”

As Laya sped away she forgot she didn’t really know how to drive and the car swerved off an overpass and exploded moments later as it made impact in a magnificent fireball on I-375.

Ahsoka's Acrobatic Assassins Vs. Charles Barkley's Turrible Decisions

Assassins: Lantern Neo, Elastigirl and Violet, Spider-Woman, The Ancient One, Vampire Capt. Marvel, Jedi Master Joe Levine, Nightsister Kelly, and Jedi Youngling Abby, Orcs #19-29, Zombies #16-20, and Elf #9-11

Barkley’s: Robo-Barkley, Deadpool, Killer Kroc, Usagi Yojimbo (w/ Green Lightsaber) & Jotaro, Princess Laya of the Salad Kingdom w/ Pokemon Trainer Scarlet w/ Eevee, Piplup, and Detective Pikachu, Shrek & Donkey, The Protectobots: Hot Spot, Groove, Streetwise, Blades, & First Aid & Purple Dragon #1

    Cars rush by in the night as the battle begins, and Spider-Woman swings from building to building. Suddenly, Pokemon Trainer Scarlet throws Eevee in a surprise attack at Spider-Woman, electrocuting her, causing Spider-Woman to fall to her death. Princess Laya then took Spider-Woman’s web shooters, mistaking them for iceberg lettuce. She then choked to death, as she realizes too late that she should’ve stuck to broccoli. Robo-Barkley then comes up behind Jedi Master Joe, and using his superior NBA strength, breaks his kneck; in revenge, Nightsister Kelly and Youngling Abby sneak attack Robo-Barkley and push his into oncoming traffic. He dies a gruesome death. The Zombies move steadily toward Shrek and Donkey as Donkey mocks Skrek’s scottish accent and looks for a good Gyro place. Detective Pikachu wants to come with, so he straggles along, stopping every few steps to investigate the going ons throughout Detroit on their journey for Gyros. When they finally find a Gyro place, the zombies speed up and eat Shrek and Pikachu while they scream and try to run away. ..They leave Donkey alone because he sounds like Eddie Murphy and they like him. Black Lantern Neo runs around cracking jokes as Usagi Yojimbo stealthily follows him and gets his green lightsaber ready. Yojimbo attacks with his lightsaber, but Lantern Neo hears him coming. Lantern Neo’s arm gets slashed, hanging by a thread, but he knocks Yojimbo’s lightsaber down (because he can) and kills him in one swift motion. Jotaro then sneaks up behind Neo and drop kicks him with his sweet moves. This gives Neo a deadly concussion, and brain damage, to the point of no return. 

The Ancient one then grabs Deadpool and Killer Kroc and uses magic to push them up against an already crumbling brick wall. Using their power of astral projection, they then confuse Killer Kroc and Deadpool into thinking that they’re in front of them, when instead they come up behind the two idiots and pushes them into a hell dimension where they burn to death. 

Donkey then grabs Pokemon trainer Scarlet with her pokemon, Eevee and Piplup, to take them for Gyros too, but sadly, the Orcs attack and crush Scarlet and her pokemon under their large feet and with their obnoxiously large muscles. They think about leaving Donkey alone with his Gyros, but instead they crush him too because they find his jokes annoying. The Protectobots band together in retaliation in an attempt to crush the orcs. They succeed by forming Defensor to crush the orcs in revenge for Scarlet and Donkey. Being angry at the Ancient One as well, they know all of the tricks, and crush the Ancient One under their metallic grip before the Ancient One can even begin to react. Vampire Captain Marvel sees how strong the Protectobots have become, and wanting to find out how amazing the Detroit Gyros are, wants the battle to be over. She blasts the protectobots, melting them under her powerful energy blasts. Purple Dragon attempts to fight back, but fails, only landing one kill as they breath their supremely hot breath at Nightsister Kelly and her unassuming Youngling Abby. They are given mercy- killed quickly, and avenged, as Captain Marvel decimates the dragon with energy blasts once again.

Week 2 consortium: Sith Aids vs Striders of Rohan

 Sith Aids are: Weapon H, Handcock, Zombie Cyborg Superman (last life) , The Anti Monitor (last life) , and Navy Seals 3-5 (all last life) l

Striders are : John Wick w/ vibranium suit, the injustic league: Ultraman, SuperWoman, Power Ring, Johnny Quick, Owlman, Talon,  King Kong, Scorpian, Earth 2 batman, and Earth 2 Catwoman. 

Evil Midgets Vs. Be Gentle at The City of Detroit

 Evil Midgets Team: White Lantern Yoda, Darth Maul w/the darksaber and double bladed lightsaber, Gamera, Wendigo, Bat mite, skywarp

Be Gentle Team: Black Goku, Z fighters (gohan, krillin, piccolo, tien, yamcha, chaitzu, yajirobe, and bulma), super boy, king zeno 

It's a very hood like day in the city of Detroit.  The car alarms are ringing, you can hear your neighbors Aunt kicking out the gang banging nephew, and the air is filled with a nice cloud of smoke.  It all seemed to be a normal day for Yoda and his fellow peers, that is until their encounter with Goku Black and the Z fighters.  Yoda had just gone for his brisk morning walk when he had his encounter with Piccolo.  Yoda had instantly drawn his lightsaber and attacked without hesitation.  Although Piccolo did not make an attempt to attack Yoda knew his strengths and knew he could be the only green badass in Detroit ya hur

Upon seeing what Yoda had just done Bat Mite makes a run for it.  God knows where but all we know is he’s not gonna be anywhere close any soon.  Goku instantly springs into action and shoots across the sky where he is met by Skywarp.  Little does skywarp know what he is going to get into.  Goku doesn’t even bat an eye as he hits him with Dragon Fist and blows him away with ease.

A tremble begins to shake the entire city.  It couldn’t have been from the power of the Dragon Fist.  It was Gamera the want to be Godzilla. Even though Gamera isn’t Godzilla this big beast can do some damage.  Gamera comes tunneling toward Detroit with none other than Bat Mite on its back.  Causing nothing but utter destruction Gamera is running in the city and crushes King Zeno while doing so.  Superboy instantly springs to the aid of Goku where the both team together to try and take down Gamera.  Superboy uses his heat vision as Goku powers up a large Kamehameha wave while screaming like a jackass to shoot at Gamera.  In unison they strike Gamera and deal a great amount of damage.

All while this is going on Yoda and Darth Maul have taken notice to the rest of the Z fighters.  

Yoda and Tien and beginning to engage in combat.  Tien realises he can’t get close enough and tries to use the Solar Flare Technique, Yoda brushes it off like it's nothing and swings his saber taking off the head of Tien.  Wendigo is met with the unwavering power of martial arts from Krillin and Yamcha.  Where together they are able to take down Wendigo with a one two combo. As you were sitting here thinking Darth Maul couldn’t get any more badass but he does because not only does he have his double bladed lightsaber he has the Darksaber where he is able to wipe out chiaotzu, yajirobe, and bulma like Anakin did them kids in Episode 3. Ya I said it. Fuck them kids

Gohan, Krillin, Yamcha, Goku, and Superboy all regroup in centerfield at Comerica Park as it is one of the only places untouched by the utter destruction of the battle between Goku and Gamera.  Just when they thought they were alone Yoda comes walking out of the away team dugout saying “here are we” as he is followed by Maul and Bat Mite.  Numbers are in the Z fighters but intelligence and skill not so much.  Goku instantly shoots into the air to build up some sort of power.  On the ground a clash ensues between the z fighters and maul.  Maul is able to lunge at Krillin but is stopped by Yamcha’s wolf Fang fist.  Maul just laughs and utters “you are nothing” and swiftly kills both Krillin and Yamcha with his Darksaber.  Superboy is left to fight Yoda where he is holding his own until Maul is there to help.  Just as he feels so hopeless and blinding light and gut wrenching screaming is let out. “AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHH” *five episodes pass* “AAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHH” and Goku lets down a Spirit Bomb Decimating what was left of the city of Detroit.  

Two Hungry Dino-Mites with Bubble Fightin Fun Down Tight Vs. Crack Danks

 Two Hungry Dino-Mites with Bubble Fightin Fun Down Tight are The Shazam Family:  Mary Marvel, Capt. Marvel Jr., Eugene Choi, Pedro Pena, Darla Dudley, & C.C. Batson, Capt. Marvel, Cyborg Superman (w/ yellow lantern ring), & Link (w/ green lantern ring).

Crack Danks are Dr. Manhattan (w/ The White Lantern Ring), Black Lantern Superman, Leonardo, Donatello, & Raphael, Beowolf, & Rabban Harkonen (w/ 2 blasters).

Prologue:  

Two powerhouses of such potential of mass devastation could not simply be put into a city without the setting becoming marred and destroyed beyond repair; so we Watchers chose the one location that could not possibly be made worse by the devastation.....

Now for the Match:

WELCOME TO DETROIT, MICHIGAN everybody, it's a beautiful day chock full of just a little bit of rain, a dense chill, and a balmy 43 degrees.  The two teams roll in ready for a fight; but it looks like they are going to take in a little bit of the scenery first.

Leading the Dinomites is Captain Marvel and the Captain Marvel family as they roll into town (No, not that Captain Marvel, the Marvel Captain Marvel and Marvel Family from DC, the DC Captain Marvel isn't here).  Eugene turns to Pedro and says:  "Dang dude did the battle already happen and we missed it??  I mean, look at this place".

"You ain't kidding bruh, good thing we brought Robocop with us".  Retorts Pedro.

Mary gives them both a glance that obviously means SHUT UP and says:  "That isn't Robocop on our team, it is Cyborg Superman.  And he looks pissed so try and keep it down.

Back on the other side of the battlefield...  city....  err, battlefield; whatever...  The Crack Dizzles are ready to sizzle.  And by sizzle, I mean none of them seem to have much in common and are keeping to themselves, other than the Ninja Turtles who are still mourning the loss of their brother Mikey (RIP in the chat for Michelangelo, this is the Ninja Turtles first match without him).  "Hey Leo, this place kind of makes you miss the New York sewers doesn't it" asks Donatello.

"COME ON LEO....  Shut Donnie up, AIN'T NOBODY GOT ANY TIME FO DIS.  Now let's get these bodacious baddies and get the shell out of this city".  proclaims Raph defiantly.  

Both teams turn around the corner of Michigan Avenue and Trumbull where they first see the sight of an abandoned baseball diamond and then catch a glimpse of each other.  The battle quickly ensues with a vengeance.  Beowolf begins lighting off a flurry of counter-measures scattering the Marvel Family in all directions.  Leo, Don, and Raph engage in a melee with C.C., Darla, and Pedro making for a strangely pitched battle.  The Marvel family being far more powerful, but the Turtles having skills that are far more honed.  This battle rages on, while the rest of the Marvel clan unleashes everything they have on the enormous Neo-Titan Cymek Beowolf.  

Link blocks three quick shots from the dual blasters of The Beast Rabban, and then relieves the Harkonen Madman of his head, finally drawing first blood in this vicious encounter.  

Link then turns to his right and sees the intense battle taking place between Cyborg Superman and Black Lantern Superman.  As they punch each other with building leveling punches and eye beams that could even be used for melting steal beams and Epstein memes for all y'all poetic dreams.  Cyborg Superman, weakened to his almost breaking point, takes flight and lights up the Black Lantern version of his arch-enemy with every ounce of yellow energy he can muster from his ring.  Black Lantern Supes blasts right through the assault and rips the half-robot, half-Kryptonian's head from his body.  The Black lantern, still glowing yellow from the energy pumped into him screams in a mix of anguish and victory.  Link sees this and leaps into action.  Completing a summersault, he charges up his bow and arrow with the power of his green lantern ring and delivers an arrow directly into the eye socket of Black Lantern Superman creating the blast of dual lantern power necessary to kill a Black Lantern.  

White Lantern Dr. Manhattan and Captain Marvel take to the air and head high above the city for what is certain to be the most epic battle of the match.  The two over-powered characters glare at each other with intensity when Capt. Marvel notices that Dr. Manhattan is naked.  Not to mention that the once blue Captain Marvel is now white (the least favorite color of anyone who is woke).  An appalled Marvel instantly grabs her I-phone and begins tweeting about how she cannot believe that a racist man is allowed to fly around naked, but that she isn't allowed to.  "THE PATRIARCHY IS ALIVE AND WELL" she screams whilst reading her own tweet aloud.  Dr. Manhattan then disappears as he in CANCELLED from existence, while Capt. Marvel simultaneously dies of PTSD Butthurt causing their skirmish to result in a draw.

As these events unfold, The Marvel family battles on with the Turtles and their unlikely ally Beowolf (who ironically looks a little bit like the Technodrome now that I think about it).  With lasguns and old-fashioned missiles blazing about out of the arsenal of Beowolf who is being hit by an endless flurry of magical force, the three heroes in a half shell duck down into a ditch for a moment where Donatello reveals a plan of action.  The Turtle that best does machines (that's a fact jack) reveals that after studying the specs of Beowolf he found out about the micro-nuke within his hull.  "I have a plan that could win us this thing, but I have to admit, it is a real D*&% move" confesses Donnie.

"WELL DO IT ALREADY" Bellows Raph.

"I don't know guys, let me meditate on this for a minute.  I mean, what would Master Splinter do"??  Says Leonardo.

"COME ON LEO.  SPLINTER AIN'T EVEN HERE" says Raph with vigor.

Donnie looks at them both and says:  "I hate to say it Leo, but I think I agree with Raph on this one".

Leo nods and Donnie pulls a remote control out of his utility belt.  The Turtles pull up a manhole cover and jump into the sewers.  Donatello presses down on the remote just as the Marvel Family is converging over the top of The gargantuan Cymek.  Much to the surprise of their supposed ally Beowolf the tactical nuke within his hull blows up taking out most of what is still standing in the city block.  Including the entire Marvel Family, except their most powerful member Mary who with her superior powers and experience was able to shield herself from the blast.  The Turtles come out of the sewer to see a battered Link, who barely got his red tunic on in time to shield from the radioactive blast.  Link is too busy attempting to get the tunic off before it burns him alive, while the Ninja Brothers look around in wonder to see if anyone else survived, their question was quickly answered.  The scream of "SHAZAM" is heard as Mary flies in fast in a rage towards the three Turtles.  She makes short work of Donatello before pushing Raphael to the ground with vigor.  Raphael instinctively swings his double Sais together and delivers the two weapons through the ears and into the brain of Mary Marvel as she blows a hole through Raph's chest.

Leonardo looks in shock at seeing his two brothers deaths; but draws swords knowing that this fight is not over.  Link draws his sword as well and the two tired and battered warriors take a moment to size each other up.  "With all the powerhouses in this battle, who would have thought that it would come down to just you and me".  Link yells to his worthy opponent Leonardo.

"Well, considering that we are the obvious two favorite characters in this match of the Watcher Joshatu the Great and Powerful....  It seems pretty obvious actually".  Leo says in snide fashion as he breaks the Fourth Wall.  

The two warriors nod to each other in respect and clash with ferocity.  An evenly matched melee battle ensues for some time.  Link tries to confuse his opponent by bringing out his boomerang, but Leo swiftly cuts it in half.  Leo then comes down hard on Link's Hyrulian Shield and is shocked to see his well-forged Katana shattered.  The Turtle uses this unplanned distraction to his advantage as he gets behind the shield and is able to knock it from the arm of Link creating a one sword to one sword contest.  Leo knocks Link to the ground with a roundhouse kick after a well-timed sword parry and begins to move in for the kill; but Link is able to regain grip of the Master Sword and send it up underneath the chin of Leonardo before the Ninja could deal the finishing blow.

Week 2 Democracy: Affirmative Action Popeyes vs George Washingtons House Elves

Popeyes are : Black Lantern Emperor Palpatine, Mr Mxyztplk, Forest Gump w/ Green Lantern Ring, The Bad Batch : Hunter, Crosshair w/ Amban Sniper Rifle, Wrecker, Tech, and Echo, and Earth 2 Superman.

House Elves are : Thor, Colosus, Black Bolt, Prince Harry in a F16, Snake Plissken, The Monkguin, Jar Jar Binks (da goat) , Luke Skywalker (last life) , Chase in his police cruiser, Marshal in his fire truck, Sky in her helicopter, Rocky in his garbage truck, Rubble in his bulldozer, Zuma in his hovercraft, Tracker in his jeep, Everest in her snowmobile and Ryder. 

S12 W1: Striders of Rohan vs Crack Danks

 The Striders of Rohan are: Gandalf w/ White Lantern Ring (4 deaths), Winter Soldier w/ Green Lantern Ring, Blue Lantern #1a, Blue Lantern #2a

Crack Danks are: Jolee Fishdo, Grey Worm, Snow White and the 7 dwarfs, Sardakaur Terror Trooper #3 (4 deaths), Goldmember

The Striders are waiting at the bottom of the pit when the Danks rush from the side and slide in. Goldmember starts to tumble ass over ears and ends up breaking both his legs just like Chris Pratt did. He laid to the side for the duration of the match bleeding out as one of his femers tore his femoral artery. 

Grey worm had taken the time prematch to train and rally the 7 dwarves into a mini army of the unsullied. Snow white lifted her dress up to distract the Blue lanterns and in their moment of weakness, this allowed Sneezy and Grumpy to attack. Sneezy jumped on the face of Blue Lantern #1a and sneezed repeatedly into his mouth and face. Everyone was appalled since sneezing in public in 2021 is basically on par with chemical warfare. Anyway, BL1a got insta-Covid and died. Grumpy went into rage mode and took all his anger out on BL2a’s face. 

Winter Soldier was able to destroy all the Dwarves though along with the Disney princess. Grey worm threw a spear and Jolee pulled out some sick lightsaber moves and the two of them were able to overpower the Winter soldier while Gandalf easily took out the Sardakaur Terror Trooper #3 with a quick blast from his staff.

The greatest wizard of all time stared at the unfrightened duo that remained and calmly chuckled. As he twirled his staff he said to the two, “You didn’t actually think I would go to the graveyard in week one to YOU TWO, did you?”

The two realize their fate as Gandalf grabs the staff with both hands and buries it into the earth. The resulting shockwave annihilates the remaining Danks.

House Elves vs The TEAM

 The House Elves are: Daddy Supes (Superman) and Dick Tracy, no joke required.

The TEAMs are: Every Artrip we could find,  including and limited to: Chris Artrip with a Tanuki Suit, Julie Artrip with a Fire Flower, Ella Artrip with a Frog Suit, Jack Artrip with a Raccoon Leaf, Ben Artrip with a Goomba Sock, Red Ranger Chris Artrip, Pink Ranger Julie Artrip, Yellow Ranger Ella Artrip, Blue Ranger Jack Artrip, and Black Ranger Ben Artrip. Also Vulcan and an Ewok (#7) are there.

At the edge of The Pit, as featured in the hit Mouse Rat song, the Artrip Force assembled. "Artrip Force, assemble!" shouted Chris, dressed head to toe as a Japanese raccoon-dog. "My wife and kids?" The real life Artrips stepped forward. At the sight of Jack, Ewok #7 began to wriggle against the hold of Vulcan, who was standing a couple yards away from the group. "This thing clearly wants to be in the family photo, why am I holding it?" Chris's expression changed from one of determination to teeming rage, spittle erupting from his reddened face. "Vulcan, you SHUT UP! You do not speak to the Artrips! We are assembling and you're ruining it for everyone!" His wide eyes darted around, landing on a small rock, which he picked up in his tanuki paw and chucked at Vulcan's stupid face. "Alright, Mighty Morphin' Artrip Rangers?" One at a time they struck dramatic poses and introduced themselves.

"Red Ranger Chris!"

"Pink Ranger Julie!"

"Yellow Ranger El-"

Y'Ella was interrupted by a cackle as loud as a jet engine, and Superman descended from the sky with Dick Tracy on his back, gun in hand. "Hey bozos, y'all ready for this? I've got like 5 dates with all the local flooze here tonight." He landed in front of Chris, lit a cigarette, and sucked it down in the blink of an eye. With a gentle flick he bounced the smoldering butt off Chris's face. "So let's make this quick, fursuit."

Chris smirked, picked up the butt, and began to smoke it himself despite it being mostly filter. "See, that's what I was thinking big boy. You know, the crazy thing is, I own you. I own your whole team, and I say you forfeit." Superman pulled off his badass aviator sunglasses for dramatic effect, his brow furrowed. "That doesn't sound right... but I don't actually know enough about the rules of this game. Dick, the by-laws?" The grumbling gumshoe screwed the cap back on the flask he was swigging and pulled out a small book from his coat. He flips a few pages, squinted his eyes at the text. He looked at the Artrips, then back at his book. Glanced at Superman, then back to the book. Took another pull from his flask. Back to the book again. Finally, he snapped it shut in one hand and slipped it in to his pocket. "No. This is a game, you're not even real." With these words, Chris and his family began to fade from existence like Marty McFly. "No, NO!" Chris fought against his fate, attempting a charge at Dick Tracy, but Dick produced his gun and shot him down. The Artrips vanished from this reality, but the Mighty Morphin Power Artrips still watched in shock. Ewok #7, upon seeing Jack blipped out of existence, broke free from Vulcan and began to tear at Dick's face. Superman raised a brow and made a lazy gesture toward the pit. "Alright, whatever, get in." Red Ranger Chris shouted "It's Morphin' Time, Artrip Rangers!" They all began to pose in formation, but Superman wasn't having it, and he inhaled another large gasp, sucking the Rangers off-balance and in to the Pit below. He crashed in after them, grabbing Blue Ranger Jack and swinging him into the other Rangers like a fleshy cudgel. However, Vulcan was still standing at the edge of the Pit, and used his geokinesis to bring its maw shut on both Superman and the Artrip Rangers. A brief moment of calm passed before Superman erupted from the Earth, glaring at Vulcan. His eyes charged up a heat beam, but Vulcan stopped it inches from Superman's face, condensing the energy in a tight ball like a miniature star. The ball released, and Superman's smug head was no more. He pulled a cigarette from Superman's pocket, lit it with an energy beam of his own, and flicked it into the reopened pit. "Live long and prosper, Superbitch."

AAA Vs Sith Aids

 Sith Aids Team: Daenerys Targaryen , Daenerys Dragon, IG-88 , Baby Sandworm, Mr.PoopyButthole

AAA: Freddy Kruegar w/ Yellow Lantern Ring, Red Lantern Ring Jeff Houslander, Ethan Hunt w/ Indigo Lantern Ring, Zombie 13-15, Orc 1 17-18

The mist is heavy, the fog is thick, and the night is dark on Elm Street. Daenerys Targaryen is walking the streets as she is lost and doesn’t know where she is or how she even got to this dark and dreary place.  She begins to think she is alone, that is until she begins to hear voices.  These aren’t just any voices, these are the voices of singing children.  Daenerys is confused as it's the middle of the night and there are no children in sight.  She grows tired and says “fuck it, I’m gona post up on this here bench.”  She begins to fall asleep while in fear because the voices have grown louder and closer. She hasn’t realized she may have made a fatal mistake as she has fallen asleep.

Daenerys thinks she has awoken but she is in yet another unfamiliar place.  She is at the Pit in Pawnee Indiana, but she isn’t alone.  She is surrounded by new faces who are also scared and on the verge of shitting said pants.  It's dark and barely anyone can see but then a single street light turns on and everyone is revealed.  Daenerys is with IG-88, a baby sandworm, and Mr.PoopyButthole himself.  Noises are beginning to grow loud but it isn’t the singing from before.  Zombies and Orcs begin to flood into the pit causing IG-88 to spring into action and blast them away with ease. 

Daenerys is starting to make sense of what is going on and realizes she isn’t in her world and is in a dream world, but she can’t understand why she isn’t in complete control.  That is until she hears laughter.  None other than Freedy Krueger himself has arrived with Jeff Houslander and Ethan Hunt.  All three who possess the power of a lantern ring.  Ethan Hunt springs into action to try and take down IG-88 as he has just killed his Zombie and Orc comrades.  No matter who they are Ethan Hunt will always defend and honor his own.  Ethan Hunt is surprised when he hears a loud screech but doesn’t understand what it is.  That is until Daenerys Dragon has come to her side to defend its mother.  Jeff Houslander becomes enraged as he sees the odds may be stacked against them and uses the powers of the Red Lantern ring to start whoopin some Dragon ass.  

Baby Sandworm and Mr.Poopybutthole are killed by the utter destruction that is being caused by a battle between Jeff Houslander and Daenerys.  The pit is now engulfed in flames and almost nothing is left.  Ethan Hunt has somehow escaped from the danger as he do and attempts to try and disable IG-88 but it won’t even matter.  The destruction caused by Jeff Houslander who has only grown stronger in this world because of Kruegar has alarmed IG-88 to the point where he sees no other option.  Self destruction is the only defense.  IG-88 walks through the flames into the center of the pit and lets out a scream saying “YUH” self destructs causing everyone in the fight to die. That is in the dream world that is.  Freedy Kruegar has gotten everyone killed in the dream world.

Two Hungry Dino-Mites with Bubble Fightin Fun Down Tight Vs. The Dramatic Kittens of Luna

 Two Hungry Dino-Mites with Bubble Fightin Fun Down Tight are Superboy Prime, Tom Brady in the Hulk-Buster Iron Man Suit, Rebel Soldier #1 & 7, Honored Matre #1, and Boomerang Bro #1.

The Dramatic Kittens of Luna are Apocalypse and Michael Myers.

**NOTE**  This match should be read in the dark with a flashlight pointed up at your chin.

It is a dreary, cold, and calm night as a full moon that curiously adds more darkness than illumination  appears over the Pit.  Apocalypse stands tall in an enlarged form, whilst his new horsemen of death Michael embodies everything that is evil with his knife in hand.  A scarier sight has never been witnessed by the tired eyes of this seasoned Watcher than this duo of pure hatred and demonic wickedness.  Matched by this level of ungodliness is a different sin that is evident in their opponent being manifested in the uninhibited hubris of Superboy Prime.  Tom Brady rallies the rest of their troops behind Supes letting them know that they need to back up their star if they are going to have a chance at the frightening pair before them.  Few words are spoken before the action takes place, save these:

"Prepare to face the greatest Kryptonian of all time" says Superboy Prime arrogantly.

"Interesting claim before one battles against the greatest mutant and greatest murderer of all time" is the retort of Apocalypse.  

As Supes takes flight to gain the high ground, Tom Brady leads the charge with his brave soldiers behind him; but Tom is flung aside by a single punch from Apocalypse that sends Tom into an abandoned piece of construction machinery, destroying the equipment, knocking Brady unconscious, and bringing his suit down to 33% functionality.  After seeing their quarterback brushed aside so easily, the commons continue a valiant charge; but the rebel soldiers are brutally ripped apart by Michael, while Apocalypse easily stomps both the Honored Matre and the Boomerang Brother.  Superboy Prime sees this act and decides that as the sole, moving member of the Dino-Mites that it is his time to act.  Having no remorse for the team members he viewed as too weak for this battle defeated he comes down hard on Apocalypse with a double-handed punch.  A pitched battle ensues with Prime absorbing building leveling hits as if they were shots from a child's sling shot, the Kryptonian blasts Apocalypse with a potent shot of heat vision from the air and then swoops in to rip the mutant in half with relative ease.  Bloodlusted beyond anything the Kryptonian has ever experienced, his want for mayhem and death was still nothing compared to that of his next opponent.  Michael slowly walks toward Supes, who uses his arctic breath in an attempt to push him back, but Myers keeps walking through the breeze.  With an evil that is truly magical, Michael grabs Prime by the throat while simultaneously plunging his killing blade through the chest of Superboy Prime killing him as if he were simply another teenage coed.  Myers believes the contest to be over; but Brady's vital signs are still active.  As the former Michigan Wolverine comes to consciousness inside the battered and broken suit made by Tony Stark himself, he hears the voice of Jarvis telling him repeatedly to not be afraid and that he will be safe as long as he stays inside the defensive shell.  Brady shakes off the dizziness and bursts out of the Iron Man Suit with only the giant metal right hand and thrusters still attached to his body.  

"The only thing I fear is losing" exclaims Tom as he blasts the knife from Michael's hand, knocks the monstrous villain to the ground and pulverizes his head with the Hulk-buster fist until the boogie man is no more.

For there is much power in this world, much evil, much might, and much fear; but there is only one G.O.A.T. 

Week 1 Consortium : Affirmative Action Popeyes vs The Midgets

Midgets : Mandalore the Great, Vampire Darth Maul, & Batgirl w/ 2 white lightsabers 

Popeyes are: The x-men, Cyclops, Archangle, Beast,  and Ice Man. 

Week 1 Democracy Match: Be Gentle Its My First Time VS Charles Barkleys Turrible Decisions

Barkley's Turruble Decisions are : Ween: Gene, Dean, Dave Dreiwitz, Claude Coleman Jr, and Glen McClelland, Stryke, Haskeer, Coila, Jup, and Alfray.

Gentle is: The Mighty Morphin Power Rangers, Jason (red) , Billy (blue) , Zack (black) , Kimmberly (pink) , and Trini (yellow) . 

Vote away! 

The Coach's Corner Conflict: House Elves vs Traveling Sisterhood of Evil Midgets

House Elves: Enfys Nest, Embo, Shao Kahn, Donald Duck, Scrooge McDuck, Huey, Dewey, Louie, Dobby, White Walker #1, and White Walker #2

Evil Midgets: Vampire Yoda, X-23, Zach and Spence: Woke White Folk from Wakanda, and Nightsister Spirit

The Evil Midgets are teeing off  at twilight on hole 4, when the House Elves being to heckle them to hurry up, but Nightsister Spirit is really struggling to get a grip on the club. Irritated by the voices of the Duck family, X-23 begins to shout back and before both parties are in each others faces, except for Nightsister Spirit, who still can't pick up the club. Things escalated when out of now when Donald Duck began to have a war episode and started blastin. X-23 goes ape shit and shreds Scrooge, Huey, Dewey, and Louie, but Donald jumps on her before Shao Kahn smacks them both, making them into paste for tomorrow's dinner special.

Vampire Yoda (who may or may not be on Ketamine) starts moving around at incredible speed, bouncing and spinning. He makes quick work of Shao Kahn and White Walkers 1 and 2. Dobby has gone over to try and help Nightsister Spirit tee off, but when he realizes that there is no hope for her, he kills her. Zach and Spence use their Wakandan tech to battle with Embo and Enfys. Spence is hit by Embo's Helmet, killing him on the spot, but Zach quickly returns the favor by shooting Embo in the face. Dobby and Yoda being their fight, but Dobby clearly cannot keep up with the (allegedly) drugged up master, who stabs him through the stomach and dumps him in the sand.

Enfys is closing in on Zach, who is fighting on the backfoot to survive. Yoda, flying through the air, attacks Enfys from behind, but begins to sizzle. Spotting his weakness, Enfys launches Yoda in the sky with her power staff. As he burns up, Yoda yeets his lightsaber in the direction of Zach, who catches it and finishes Nest. Zach walks back to George Murphy's, takes a seat and a sigh, and enjoys a club sandwich. 

Preseason: TEAM vs Affirmative Action Popeye’s

 TEAM: Muhammad Ali, Steven Seagal, Ice Bro & Ice Bro, Blake Stone, Princess Toadstool, Ness, Bill Rizer, Lance Beam, Earthworm Jim, Junkeon #7

Affirmative Action Popeye’s: Crack Frank & Dark troopers #1-5, Kyle’s Homeboy Frank, Migs Mayfield (w/ Robot Gun), Sebastian Shaw, Riggs and Murtaugh, Odd Job, and Sentinel #1

The year is 2040, Mike George has raised the prices on his menu so much that mozz sticks cost $25 for 6 pieces. Both teams have actually come together in unity to rebel against these out of proportioned prices that Mike George has made so he can make the big bucks. People were already enraged when he wanted us to call it ‘cOacH’s cOrnEr’, it will forever be ‘George Murphy’s’ to any cultured person. Now the prices are too much, and both TEAM and Affirmative Action Popeye’s have come together against the common enemy to get what they both deserve, cheaply priced mozz sticks.

Crack Frank and his Dark troopers lead the rebellious charge into George Murphy’s with a very similar looking person, Kyle’s Homeboy Frank, at his side. They are closely followed by Muhammad Ali who has come back to life just for the single purpose to have cheap mozz sticks once again. Trailing behind are the various video game characters from TEAM’s team. Steven Seagal, Riggs, Murtaugh, and Odd Job have become regulars so they were already at the bar when the rebel group charged through the doors. Mike George approaches and is wondering what all the ruckus is about. Crack Frank yells, “WE DEMAND THE PRICES TO BE LOWERED. IT’S OUTRAGEOUS HOW HIGH YOU HAVE MADE THE PRICES!” Mike George responds, “You see, I don’t think I can do that guys, I’ve been making too much money,” as he signals to an empty spot on the wall. And Junkion #7 explodes through the wall and instantly crushes Steven Seagal, Blake Stone, Ness, Earthworm Jim, and Odd Job. Quickly following he picks up Riggs and Murtaugh and rips them both in half. Sebastian Shaw, arriving late, swoops in and is able to completely absorb the gunfire coming from Junkion #7 in which he redirects the energy to implode Junkion #7. 

After Mike George sees he has no more defense to protect him, he concedes. He drops all prices on the menu by 50% and the mozz sticks by 75%. With a mighty loss of true heroes, the greater good of people can still thrive on the lowered prices. All is good again, Crack Frank and Kyle’s Homeboy Frank go to enjoy a round of golf at Fox creek, and the rest of the boys and Princess Toadstool can go enjoy some drinks at the bar. The day has been a true victory…

Sentinel #1’s simulation has reached its end purpose. It was testing how much it would take to get people to rebel against George Murphy’s, and it has learned that mozz sticks are the key component to causing an uprising. Since Sentinel #1 has gained the data necessary, it unplugs all test subjects unsafely and kills all members from both teams.

Crack Danks Vs. Spence and Vader's House of Sith Aids

 Crack Danks is The Planeteers:  Earth, Wind, Water, Fire, And Heart, w/ Sachi, Vampire #5-9, Quicksilver w/ Talleyhawk, Flying Monkey #1-5, and Beowolf.

Spence and Vader's House of Sith Aids are Storm Trooper #11-16, 18-50, The Ambiguously Gay Duo of Kyle and Conner, Navy SEAL #1-20, Jedi Youngling #1-15, David son of Jesse, and Fire Bro #1.  

It's a beautiful day here this morning at Fox Creek for the First Annual Fantasy Fantasy League Outing.  The Crack Danks crew has just shown up to get their golf on; but little did they know that they had offended the wrong people as they signed up for skins and found their carts.  Some Livonia Karens were lurking around the course taking their purse dogs out for a walk when they noticed that some of the Crack Dankers were smoking cheep cigars without......  >>wait for it<< THEIR MASKS ON!!!!!  Within minutes they had the Mayor on the phone and she deployed an elite team of Statist Storm Troopers and Navy SEALS led by the Ambiguously Gay Duo of Kyle and Conner so the Democrats wouldn't get mad about diversity, while the Republicans were cheering on the thin blue line enforcing law and order.  

Quicksilver takes charge of the Crack Dankers at the first sign of trouble and orders The Planeteers to pull out their rings and do their thing.  EARTH...  WIND...  WATER...  FIRE...  HEART...  With their powers combined they form CAPTAIN PLANET.  Now, Captain Planet may just be nothing more than a creation of a liberal propaganda machine to convince early Millennials to obsess over climate change; but that doesn't change the fact that his powers are legit and that he do be boppin hard.  Captain Planet takes flight and joins the already airborne Quicksilver and Tallyhawk to begin a counter-offensive to the incoming Sith Aids Troops.  Navy SEAL #1 sees the plethora of unmasked people and proclaims:  "NO FACE DIAPERS TWELVE O'CLOCK.  SHOOT TO KILL".

Collateral damage is not an issue when a crime against humanity so severe as not covering your face is happening; which is why the Navy SEALs and Storm Troopers do not hold back, despite numerous "innocents" being present (as if one can be innocent whilst not wearing a mask).  The golf putting green becomes the putting red as the course turned battlefield becomes soaked with the blood of non-rule followers.  

The Planeteers, being fresh out of their gender identity courses in College begin bowing down to Kyle and Conner for their brave choice of being not straight.  Kyle and Conner reward their wokeness by brutally murdering them with their Magic Rainbow Swords.  Luckily they had already summoned Captain Planet, which is the only useful thing about them anyway.  Sachi, hid in Conner's freshly painted pink Mazda for cover from the socially accepted violence.  

David, pulls his slingshot out from his golf bag and starts taking Flying Monkeys out of the sky like a boss with wicked accurate head shots.  Meanwhile, the Storm Troopers and SEALS start lighting up the vamps with their blasters and M4A1s.  This is preseason, so we are going to ignore how they were able to kill the vamps without stakes through the heart or other traditional means (that is what it do Yugi).  

Captain Planet calls Joe Biden and wakes him up in the oval office to get permission to put the Jedi Younglings in cages.  The POTUS approves and they all starve to death in the "Covid protection capsules"; but the media doesn't report on it so it's all good.  

David tosses his golf ball aside and grabs a sharp rock off the ground.  He takes out Talleyhawk with a perfect shot to his neck.  Quicksilver gets straight up furious at the sight of his bird side kick going down and lights up David like it ain't no thang with his Silverhawk skillz.  

The SEALS and Troopers surround Beowolf who many of you may think is the mythological figure from that weird half animated movie from a while back, but it isn't.  It is the enormous human-brained, massive cyborg machine from the Dune Universe (seriously kids, it's cool.  Try turning the TV off and picking up a book every once in a while).  Beowolf, who has remained silent for most of this match is surrounded by the attacking SEALS and Troops, who he annihilates with his lasguns.  

Quicksilver yells to Captain Planet:  "Hey let's double team that Fire Bro".

"Sounds Hot" Conner says, not understanding the situation.

"Talk about it Conner, like:  Don't threaten me with a good time" Kyle says in retort.

 They are then shocked as the Silverhawk leader and Environmental icon destroy the Fire Bro and don't seem to notice when Beowolf steps on them both with his monstrous metal appendages.  

Preseason Consortium Match Barkleys vs Super Kitties

Barkleys are Lex Luthor, Usagi Yojimbo (w/ a green lightsaber), Donkey Kong, & Dhalsim

Super Kitties are Professor Minerva Mognonagle, Fred Weasly, George Weasly, Baby Ewok #1-10, Space Trooper #1-5, and Crest

Preseason: Dinomites vs. Be Gentle, It's My Third Time

Dinomites: Vampire Larfleeze, Mas, Menos, Ice w/ Star Sapphire Ring, Avatar Alex and Jedi Knight Grayson, Evil Dwarf #1-2

Be Gentle: Punisher w/ Vibranium Suit, Taskmaster w/ Yellow Lantern Ring, Chuck Norris, Andrew Jackson, Magic Johnson, Homer Simpson

This match takes place at George Murphy’s/Fox Creek.

Dinomites spot the team Be Gentle outside George Murphy’s in front of the 10th TeeBox. Mas y Menos start out by running at super speeds around the Be Gentle team to try and disorient them. Avatar Alex then starts to use his Avatar farting powers to shoot almost deadly farts at Be Gentle. Taskmaster, annoyed with being trapped inside gas that passed through a mound of feces so he grabs one of the speeding twins and snaps his neck. The other speeding twin, now without his super speed being he’s not in contact with his twin is roundhouse kicked so hard by Chuck Norris that his neck is snapped as well.

Punisher in his Vibranium suit goes on a rampage he hits a headshot on each dwarf with his glock then proceeds to do the same thing to Avatar Alex who is riding his velociraptor and Jedi Knight Grayson who is riding Bop the Dinosaur. Their steeds ran away, horrified as their riders had both perished. Ice slows down the Punisher’s rampage by freezing him in place. 

While this is all happening Vampire Larfleeze is standing underneath the awnings outside George Murphy’s as he fears that the sun will weaken him too much. He does do some help as he hits some energy blasts on Magic Johnson and Andrew jackson, killing both of them. 

Chuck Norris, Taskmaster and a drunk Homer Simpson who just stumbled out of the bar then attack Ice while Vampire Larfleeze tries to hit some energy blasts with his Orange Lantern Ring. Immediately Ice kills both Chuck Norris and Homer Simpson with energy blasts. Taskmaster is easily able to dodge attacks from both Ice and Larfleeze using his superhuman reflexes. 

Taskmaster, realizing the situation, shoots the frozen Punisher who’s wearing a vibranium suit with a weakened energy blast. This melts the frozen Punisher and brings him back into the fight.

Larfleeze sees that the fight is lopsided for Be Gentle, It’s my Third Time and comes out from the shade. Being out in the sun he is immediately weakened by the Sun’s powerful rays. Larfleeze creates a force field around himself because he’s in such great fear. Taskmaster takes advantage of this and shoots a powerful energy blast from his  Lantern Ring, being that Yellow is the color of Fear, this destroys the force field and weakens Larfleeze even more. The Punisher then grabs a golf club from a casual weekend amateur’s golf bag, snaps it over his knee and stabs the severely weakened Larfleeze up under his chin and stares into the eyes of Larfleeze as he watches his soul leave his body.

Ice has decided she’s had enough with The Punisher and shoots him with a blasts from her Star Sapphire ring and kills him. 

Taskmaster and Ice are all that is left standing and they begin to battle. Ice keeps trying to hit Taskmaster with combos of her Ice and Sapphire Ring but Taskmaster is just too keen on the skills of combat. Eventually Taskmaster uses his Lantern ring to shoot multiple energy blasts at Ice, she creates an ice wall to protect herself. Taskmaster knew she would do this and uses it to his advantage. As the energy blasts destroys the ice wall, Taskmaster jumps through behind the energy blasts through a cloud of ice and vapor and stabs Ice through the chest with his Katana.