Two Hungry Dino-Mites with Bubble Fightin Fun Down Tight are Kingdom Come Dr. Fate, Link (w/ green lantern ring), Desaad, Kingdom Come Flash (w/ blue lantern ring), Jay Garrick (w/ green lantern ring), Anakin Skywalker (w/ yellow lantern ring) in an X-Wing, Ahsoka Tano (w/ star sapphire) in a Y-Wing, Kingdom Come Power Woman, Axe Cop (w/ red lantern ring) on Wexler, The Aeriolbots: Silverbolt, Air Raid, Skydive, Fireflight, & Slingshot, The Technibots: Scattershot, Strafe, Lightspeed, Afterburner, & Nosecone, Atrocitus, Flute Cop, Uni-Baby, Grey Diamond, Best Fairy Ever, & Batwarthogman in Sky Runner, Aurra Sing in a TIE Bomber, & Bossk in a TIE Fighter.
The Striders of Rohan are Odin (w/ a White Lantern Ring), Hellas, Sinestro, Mon El, Kingdom Come Batman, Kingdom Come Steel, Kingdom Come Green Lantern, Kingdom Come Kid Flash, Nightstar, Kingdom Come Green Arrow, The Father, Son, & Daughter of Mortis, Wedge Antilles in Kyle's Sith Fighter, Biggs Darklighter in a B-Wing, Cassian Andor, K-2SO, and IG-Bounty Hunter in the Millennium Chowder, Chromia, Dion, Grapple, Trail Breaker, T'Challa Starlord, Cybertronian Guardian1A-1B, Zombie Cybertronian Guardian, & Black Lantern Cybertronian Guardian.
The Empire is Supergirl, Samus, Capt. Marvel, Abeloth, Dark Supergirl, Capt. Pike in a TIE Interceptor, Miss Martian, Orion, Starfire, Tomar Tu, Queen Alien, Princess Leia in a Z-95 Headhunter, The Insecticons: Bombshell, Kickback, & Shrapnell, Capt. Steven Hiller in a TIE Bomber, Lazarus Long, Savitar, Blue Beetle, Adam Strange, The Inquisitor, Baby Wolverine, & Bene Gesserit Reverend Mother #2-3, Droid Federation Trade Ship, The Arc, & Firespray 31.
Crack Danks are Beowolf, Xeres, Sky Lynx, Tommy Oliver, Zeus, Lord Zed, Rita Repulsa, Chuck Norris (w/ a Castlevania Whip), Jolee Fishdo in an Arc Fighter, Mace Windu in an Arc Fighter, Qui Gon Jinn, Thunderstrike, The Silverhawks in Marage, Reboot Morpheus in a X-Wing, The Chicken (w/ a Force Saber) in a TIE Fighter, Thinking Machine #5-8, Sardakaur #4-7 in a Sith Fighter, & 2 A-Wings.
The Kingdom Come crews have put aside their differences and decided to fight side by side once more as The Dino-Mites and Striders join together to battle against the evil Thinking Machine Empire blocking the Trade Route to the Moon. I Joshatu the Just have spoken with the top minds at NASA and have secured a spot at the International Space Station to have a perfect view of the battle about to transpire. This double match will certainly be an epic moment in FFL History, not to mention a literary masterpiece considering that I: Joshatu am directly involved in placing this freshly commenced, monumental battle into written form. You shall all be lucky witnesses to the mastery of the English Language and scientific knowledge I am about to share with you. We shall begin after this short break, so I may have time to prepare as I never go into a Watching Session without the perfect and proper amount of research.
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HaHaHa!!!!!! Sup Ladies it's ya boi Pogo here!! I just locked that turd Joshatu the Stuffy in the bathroom when he went in to take a dump. I almost feel sorry the guy to tell you the truth. He may act like his crap don't stink; but trust me. It do. Since Joshatu the Poopie doesn't let me Watch matches anymore, I just had to get in here and get at least one good one in this year. So let's jump right in and Watch this turd before the boss figures out how to pick a lock.
I don't know what he was talking about with the International Space Station. We all know that is just more NASA lies and that going to the Moon isn't even possible. So we are gonna get real woke here and find out what the Moon really is while I broadcast LIVE from The Flat Earth. So, anyways; these teams is going nuts out here. The Moon, which isn't even as old as some of these dudes in this match according to all the ancient texts they don't tell you about in school is rattling about and flickering wildly like the artificial light that it probably is, as these four teams get Hella-Rowdy. Anakin Skywalker, who is beefing with his padawan Ahsoka ever since he got a yellow lantern ring and started being all mean and stuff leads the stunt fighter attack for The Stridermites. Wedge and Biggs don't care that he is kind of a jerk they just appreciate those sick skills in an X-Wing Cockpit. Anakin's daughter that he never even got visitation for is leading the fighter pilots along with Capt. Pike for the other combined team; but that is mostly an afterthought because Skywalker and the boys are mostly focused on the three big old fleet ships that The Empire has floating out there next to the big block of cheese. They are not even letting the aliens land on the dark side of the Moon, or The United States government get access to the advanced Moon base that they have had set up since the 1950s after they got all that cool tech from the Roswell crash that was totally space aliens and not Nazi technology that is still being tested out in the secret bases on Antarctica. Sorry for all the basic information. I'll get back to the match now for all you normies who still think a group of sweaty white dudes in short sleeve dress shirts flew a hunk of metal to a Moon Rock in the 1960s with the help of a room full of sUpEr cOmPuTeRs that had about enough computing power to download Twitter.
Xeres and Beowolf, in their monstrous space-mech forms diverge from the fighter jet groups and blast holes through Grapple and Dion, while T'Challa Starlorad manages to sneak into the cockpit of Reboot Morpheus' X-Wing where they both die from virtue signalling woke politics that their parent companies have been spewing via their public platforms.
The spaceship trio of The Trade Federation Ship, The Arc, & The Firespray have all docked together and led by Lazarus Long, Blue Beetle, and Adam Strange have begun firing, first taking out The Sky-Runner and all of Axe Cop's homies. You know that is gonna make Axe Cop mad later; but we aren't to that part of the match yet (spoiler alert on the foreshadowing). KC Flash orders the Aerialbots and Technibots to combine to form Superion and Computron; but then gets in a fight with Savitar. It isn't much of a fight actually, because as soon as they touch they just disappear into thin air like the real science shows us would happen in Time Cop with Jean Claude Van (Damm that movie was good). And then Jay Garrick, who is old looks at Kid Flash, who is also old now and is like "WHAT"?? And Adult Kid Flash looks back at him and is all like "WHAT"?!!? And then they both get hit in the face by Thunderstrike's hammer. Qui Gonn is just floating around in space, because he isn't a good pilot and doesn't have a ship anyway; which makes it really easy for Odin to mess him up on the way to wrecking the four Omnius powered thinking machines, while Zeus wrecks Chromia and Trailbreaker while passing by K-2SO, Cassian, and The IG-Bounty Hunter, hitting them with a quick lightning bolt, while chuckling because they are trying to fly through space in a 1988 Dodge Daytona. Zeus and Odin then get in a knock down drag em out battle that has every Norse and Greek enthusiast on their toes; but we will get back to that later.
Lord Zed and Rita use their powers to grow each other into massive giants and spend their last life battling it out with the Cybertronian Guardian crew. The Power Ranger Villains manage to take out the massive Transformer Giants; but then get taken out themselves by the combined forces of Sinestro and Hellas. The Mortis Family meets back up with their estranged wife/mother Abeloth which would be a major mismatch in space if some scientism normie was writing this piece of crap; but since we know that the Moon is totally within the firmament of the earth the Father, Son, and Daughter are flying around fine in their weird bird forms. What really sucks though is that Beowolf in his final life has finally lost his mind and become brain damaged, going straight R-Tard like an acoustic Geetar. Dr. Fate sees this tragedy coming and tries to intervene; but it just ends with Beowolf crashing into all of them with his lasguns fully armed causing an atomic blast that was so loud and scary that it made Jolee Fishdo poop himself to death in such a grotesque fashion that The Inquisitor died from the smell, and Aurra Sing died from complaining about the smell proving that hot chicks really can die from the very act of dude feces.
Steven Hiller flies over to Tommy Oliver and slaps da S@#t out him after Tommy made fun of his skank wife; but nothing comes of that battle because it was fake. Hiller then flies back to take on a defensive posture in his TIE Bomber which he had never flown before; but is an expert at flying because he "saw them in action". Him and his fellow pilots see that an attack on the massive, combined space base is about to come under full blown, nothing to lose space battle attack on the base just like at the end of A New Hope, or was it Return of the Jedi, or The Force Awakens, err Independence Day, Transformers..... Maybe more like Rise of Skywalker. Oh wait, I know it was all of them. Anakin of course leads this attack where lasers and intense special effects abound; but they also have the two Gestalts Superion and Computron pounding on the combined trio of ships with some good old fashioned brute force.
In the meantime, while the classic movie end scene takes place. Power Woman punched a hole through the chest of Orion; but then got taken out by the Regular and Dark version of Supergirl, which is just two different versions of her from Earth 1, which is weird because usually first is the worst and second is the best. Luckily Ultragirl isn't here because she is from Earth 3 and is probably a nerd (I have no idea if anyone is understanding that joke other than me).
Biggs gets shot down by Steven Hiller, because that is what Biggs does best but his bro Wedge avenges him and takes out the Marine pilot. Axe Cop chops off Tomar Tu's head, while Wexler bites the Queen Alien in half; but isn't even affected by her concentrated acid for blood cuz 4 death luv is real. Thunderstrike isn't as good as Thor for unspecified reasons, just like Mon El isn't as good as Superman for unspecified reasons. They both start fighting each other; but I closed my eyes and didn't see how they both died because I didn't want to have to report on it and hear all of the triggered Marvel and DC fans on the internet tell me how wrong I am.
Blue Beetle got stepped on.
Tommy Oliver stabs Green Arrow with his emerald flute knife and then uses it to summon the Dragon Zord who destroys Steel; but the Dragon Zord's reign of terror is cut short by Batman because he had prep time. Normally Samus would lose a battle to Link because Samus is cool; but Link is cooler. But, this match is in space; so I gots to give that edge to Samus. I know Link got that green lantern ring; but lasers bruh, lasers. Speaking of lasers, Starfire uses her eye lasers to blow up Desaad and then gets killed by her own daughter Nightfire; cuz Fantasy Fantasy don't even care about them familial relations. The Kingdom Come version of Batman then comes to the aid of Nightstar who has just blown up Mace Windu's ship. Mace manages to pop his purple lightsaber and take off Nightstar's head, before the secondary explosion takes him out. Batman gets away from all the blowing up of things; but then dies of old age, because the Kingdom Come timeline doesn't really make sense.
Sinestro gets hungry and eats The Chicken, along with his Force Saber.
Capt. Marvel headbutts Atrocitus into oblivion on her way to punching the face off of Wexler. Now Axe Cop is really pissed. He uses his red lantern infused axe to CHOP HER HEAD OFF. Then does the same to Samus. Girls are dumb.
The Insecticons are deployed as a counter-measure to the aerial attack and take out Ahsoka because even Anakin knows she is a crappy pilot. The spaceship dogfight really gets heated as all three Insecticons are taken out by Anakin and Wedge. These two ace pilots go on to take out Pike, Leia, and the Sardakaur, but without their air support, Lazarus Long uses some brilliant tactical and military strategy to deploy Cybertronian missiles from The Arc which know exactly where to hit Superion and Computron to extinguish their unified sparks. Leia hits Bossk's TIE Fighter with a proton torpedo right before her demise (had to add this sentence later, because I forgot about Bossk).
Odin, with the help of his White Lantern Ring takes out Zeus, right before his daughter Hellas shows up to help; but Chuck Norris pops on to the scene sporting the red, white, and blue with a well worn Mike Huckabee hat covering his beautiful locks of ginger. Good Ol' Chaz Norris takes off the heads Odin and Hellas with a single roundhouse kick cuz we ain't even bout to have that pagan crap on Palm Sunday up in my match.
God.
Murica.
Norris.
Anakin and Wedge enlist the help of Sinestro and Green Lantern to finally blow up the Arc/Firespray/Federation Ship from the inside like they always do, taking out the Bene Gesserits, Adam Strange, Miss Martian, and even the very long lived Lazarus Long. Anakin's ship was damaged in the attack, causing him to eject and jump on top of Wedge's ship, lightsaber a blazin, where their bromance continued. Wedge was able to finally shoot down Xeres and send him to the Graveyard, right as Anakin was relieving Tommy Oliver of his head.
Girls are definitely dumb according to Axe Cop; but he is not able to win out, once he is confronted with both Supergirl and Dark Supergirl. Dark Supergirl doesn't make it out of the fight with her head still attached; but real Supergirl finishes off the ultimate killer of bad guys.
Then I was like CRAP!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! I am almost done with this match and didn't even talk about my boys the Silverhawks and Sky Lynx. Literally some of my favorite characters ever. How often does one get to write about the most bippin characters from a long forgotten boomer childhood from the epic 80s. And I don't even have enough characters left for them to kill so I can make them look awesome. So....... Instead, just take it from me. They're awesome. Colonel Blue Grass totally makes the Silverhawks eject from the Marage and they start flying right next to Sky Lynx while some wicked stellar 80s music starts playing. They then go on to do a bunch of super awesome stuff. And don't think that just started. Cuz these dudes been doin super awesome stuff the whole match. I just wasn't talking about it because I was distracted. The Sky Lynx and Silverhawks duo mow through Sinestro and Alan-Scott-Kingdom-Come-Sentinel-Green-Lantern-longest-title-ever-character with a plethora of lasers and superbad flying techniques. They then muster up enough 80s laser power to blast apart Supergirl who is kind of on their team; but not really on their team. You see, this is okay because I know Adam will never read this match; so I don't need to worry about someone complaining that arguably the most powerful character in this match died in such a stupid way. Sky Lynx and The Silverhawks, including Colonel Bluegrass and the Marage do finally meet their demise. Not only from the might of Supergirl, Anakin Skywalker, and the damage sustained from the energy of the green and yellow lantern they battled; but from the ushering in (**Okay... Start reading this part really whimsically with great emotion) of a cold era of technology that has destroyed the simpler times when kids could enjoy true greatness and fun like the 80s cartoons gave us.... In other words, you could just say they drowned in the tears of old farts like me that have to insist their generation was so much better than the current one.
As Wedge's Sith Fighter blows up in the fiery end battle, Anakin leaps from the burning wreckage, free-falling through space because gravity doesn't exist here or there like the NASA Globetards tell us it does; but is unable to connect with the swing of his lightsaber before Chuck Norris kicks through the Jedi's stomach. Chuck Norris then lands perfectly in a bed of space flowers, while Baby Wolverine falls onto his lap in an adorable and loving manner.
"When I grow up, I am going to be as awesome as you" says Baby Wolverine to Chuck.
"No you aren't" replies Norris.
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