Hannah Montana and Barack Obama’s “Best of Both Worlds” Touring Battalion of Commandos are Qui Gon Jinn, Tracks, Agamemnon, Éowyn, Ms. Marvel, Maxima, Metroid #1, Dave Bowman: The Starchild, Saladin, and Mrs. Doubtfire.
Alice’s Wonder Team is Darth Deez, Sharkticon #11, Goblin #1, Ram Man, Domino, Jesse Quick, Princess Toadstool, Extinction Alice, Desmond Howard, and Treasure Troll #3.
Alice’s Wonder Team arrives at Ford Field only to find only one member of the Commandos waiting to meet them in battle. Qui Gon Jinn is patiently kneeling down at the 50 yard line, meditating. They begin to converge on the motionless Jedi Master. Just then, a 1969 Corvette flies in onto the field, (Yes, I said FLIES) and out jumps Éowyn, Saladin, and Mrs. Doubtfire. The Vette then reveals that it is actually Tracks, and transforms into his robot form. Ram Man immediately springs into action and slams into Tracks, sending him crashing to the ground. Jesse Quick mean while zips around the field, tearing trenches into the FieldTurf. Domino flips Desmond Howard a grenade as he takes off down the field. He races by Metroid #1 and drops the grenade underneath the floating blob. It grenade blows up killing Metroid #1. Desmond runs down field with that same big toothy white grin he would always be sporting after scoring a touchdown. His smile is quickly wiped away when Maxima flies in and gives the former Heisman Trophy winner the worse facemask you will ever see. She drops the football helmet, which happens to still have Desmond Howard’s head still inside it, as she heads towards her next opponent. Ram Man smashes into Tracks time and time again, causing great damage, but the Autobot is resistant. “My paint job, my fender. Ok now little man, you are going to pay,” exclaims Tracks. He blasts Ram Man with a shot from his Blinding Black Light Beam Gun, which well… blinds him. He then fires two heat-seeking incendiary missiles right into Ram Man, blowing him to pieces. Tracks, now devastated by the poor shape he is in. He transforms into his Corvette mode, extends his wings from under his rear fenders and takes off at sub-sonic speeds, retreating from battle, in fear of further damage. Sharkticon #11 is hungry for some carnage, so it begins to rip apart the seats in Section 123. Meanwhile, Jesse Quick is still racing all over Ford Field at high speeds, and she uses her super strength to pick up Saladin and launch him into the giant neon Pepsi sign, killing the Sultan. She then takes aim for Qui Gon, who is still quietly meditating on the 50 yard line. She starts circling him, creating a tornado of debris. Qui Gon then makes one quick move and slices the young speedster in two with his lightsaber. The Jedi Master then resumes his mediation. Mrs. Doubtfire is cautiously roaming the field. But unfortunately for her, the All-Star ballot nominee, Goblin #1, is hungry for some fresh meat. Still seething from the All-Star snub, Goblin #1 dives at Euphegenia Doubtfire and absolutely guts her/him. Goblin #1 then starts to devour the entrails of Daniel Hillard. Ms. Marvel is flying high above the battle and sees Sharkticon #11 stalking Éowyn, who is busy fending off shots from Domino. The Sharkticon see Ms. Marvel flying down, and it leaps right at her. Ms. Marvel doesn’t bother to even stop her path and blows right through the Transformer. Éowyn is shot in her leg by Domino, and screams in pain. This scream leads Qui Gon to intervene. Domino dodges several of Éowyn’s swipes with her sword, and then does a backflip over Qui Gon, who was approaching her. “What can I say? I’m just lucky,” quips Domino. “Luck has nothing to do with it, girl,” replies Qui Gon as he does the same backflip and puts his lightsaber right through Domino’s chest. Over in the concourse, Extinction Alice is battling with Maxima. Alice attempts to telepathically attack Maxima, but she finds out that she too has mind powers. She then attacks Maxima at full force, but each blow is deflected by a force field that Maxima has created. Extinction Alice is the knocked off her feet by a blast by Ms. Marvel who has formed a tight bond with Maxima over the past year. This assistance allows Maxima to concentrate her psionic powers to boost her strength. She then uppercuts Extinction Alice, hitting her so hard that the surrounding windows shatter. The lifeless body of Alice crumples to the floor. Darth Deez begins to walk out of the player’s tunnel screaming for the Starchild. “Bowmannnnnnnn!!! Show yourself! Your blood will stain this field. I will spike your head in this end zone. Come meet your demise!” Ms. Marvel and Maxima both take off to do battle with the Sith Lord, but Qui Gon stops both of them. “No, my children. Let the Starchild handle this,” says the wise Jedi Master. Just then, a flash of light blows through the field, scooping up Darth Deez, and blasts through the roof of the stadium. All that is heard next is… “Uuuhh!” There is also two things seen falling from the hole that was just made in the roof. A lightsaber and a fat NUB cigar. Dave Bowman returns to the football field and focuses on the last two remaining opponents, Goblin #1 and Princess Toadstool. Peach jumps in the air and floats above the still injured Éowyn, as well as Qui Gon who has returned to meditating. She reaches the upper level seats, but just then, another hole is blasted through the roof. This time it is Agamemnon. The Titan then takes aim with his massive cannon and fires at the entire section that Peach is standing in. It is completely destroyed, with absolutely no trace of the Princess. Goblin #1 charges in one last crazed effort at Dave Bowman, who simply just erases the Goblin from existence. The Commandos believe they have won, but Qui Gon senses that there is still one member remaining. Maxima then sees a tiny tuft of purple hair scurrying across the field. Treasure Troll #3 tries to make a run for it, but is vaporized by Maxima’s optical force beams.
HANNAH MONTANA AND BARACK OBAMA’S “BEST OF BOTH WORLDS” TOURING BATTALION OF COMMANDOS ARE VICTORIOUS AND ADVANCES!
Tuesday, October 14, 2008
Monday, October 13, 2008
TEAM vs George Washington's Slaves
My Watcher bretheren Joshatu and Ryatu have extended the honor to myself, Bryatu, of “watching” this Optional Tournament match. I am told that I am not to interfere, but simply observe what follows. . . . What I view are two opponents evenly matched and ready for battle. The teams: George Washington's Slaves and TEAM.
George Washington's Slaves are Yoda, Optimus Prime, Sauron, Beowolf, Thor, Martian Manhunter, Yoshi, Colossus, George Washington and Spongebob Squarepants.
TEAM is Adi Gallia, Shockwave, The Evil Paul Atreides Ghola (Paulo), He-Man, Adam Warlock, Superman, Gannon, Neo, Jackie Chan, and Dozer #7.
Before the match, I shall enter the locker room of George Washington’s Slaves. . .
Yoda: Crush them we shall. Decimate TEAM we must if we are to continue onward to the next round. The strength of Optimus, Sauron, Thor and Manhunter is enough to follow through.
George Washington: I have faced mighty forces in the past, but the British troops do not compare with Neo, Warlock, He-Man and Superman. We must not overextend our confidence; it will be our downfall.
Spongebob Squarepants: What Mr. George said!
To the locker room of TEAM we shall now go. . .
Superman: They are formidable, but if we work as a team, TEAM shall be victorious.
He-Man: By the “Power of Greyskull” shall I defend the honor of my teammates!
Jackie Chan: 让我们毁坏他们。[Let us destroy them].
Neo: I agree.
On to the battlefield. . .
The teams stand across the expanse, waiting for the other to make the first move. On the line of George Washington’s Slaves stands Spongebob Squarepants suddenly profusely sweating.
Spongebob: It’s a beautiful day for battle! [Hands moving to throat]. I don’t know what’s going on with me! [Begins to cough]. I’m drying out and . . . [Wobbles to the ground]. . . Holy Kabloey!!! [On the ground beginning to sizzle].
Optimus Prime uses his optical sensors to scan the line of TEAM and notices Superman “squinting” in Spongebob’s general direction. He instantly computes the situation and notice that Superman is using his heat vision to dry Spongebob out.
Optimus: SPONGEBOB! BEHIND ME!
Optimus Prime begins to take action and attempts to shelter Spongebob. He computes that he is too late as he notices the small character beginning to catch on fire. Soon the little sea animal is a blaze of flames.
Spongebob: It’s too late for me! [On major fire]. SLAVES!!! AVENGE ME!!!!
Spongebob’s body turns is now a fiery conflagration. Bob explodes. The first casualty of the match before the true battle begins.
Seeing that one of its true enemies enters into the fray Shockwave decides that Optimus is not the only transformer who can take beginning action for its team.
Shockwave, with its’ military operations commander mind, evaluates the situation and through methodical calculations believes that the namesake of the Washington’s team must be eliminated immediately. Washington’s elimination will not only destroy another member of his team, but will also destroy the team’s namesake. Shockwave believes that although Washington may be a true leader who possesses extraordinary skills (since he is but a mortal who leads superhumans and previously, an entire nation), he is only a man, while Shockwave is a superior Decepticon. Shockwave calculates the best means of ending Washington’s life and thus, transforms into a Mazda RX-8. Shockwave revs its engine, spins its tires and at blinding speed, races to meet Washington. Washington sees Shockwave coming and smiles in anticipation of a fight. He lifts the gun off his back, raises his muzzle and fires at one of Shockwave’s tires. Although a normal gun would not immediately affect the tire, Washington’s muzzle loader is filled with not one, but two balls (double-packed) with powder. One of Shockwave’s tires expodes due to the force of the double bullet tearing through the rubber and he begins to swerve uncontrollably. Shockwave computes that even if he is crippled he will have enough time to transform into its robot mode and blast Washington with its laser gun before the general can pack another double load. Washington sees the motor vehicle begin to transform into the Decepticon and awaits his maker. Just as Shockwave begins to transform, Optimus Prime jumps in (having quickly mourned Spongebob) and smashes Shockwave head on with both his laser rifle and modified truck cab body. The force of the blow and laser, both at the same time, sends Shockwave reeling away from the battle, smoking and malfunctioning. It is only a matter of minutes before Shockwave is sent to that great big toaster in the sky.
Washington: Thank you my friend.
Optimus: No sacrifice is too great in the service of freedom. Now hop on my shoulders and ride me like I know you can - - back to safety.
Just as Washington is about to mount Optimus, Yoshi runs up.
Yoshi: YOSHI!!!!
Washington: Okay Yosh, I will ride you instead.
Yoshi: YOSHI!!!
Washington rides back on Yoshi, with Optimus tailing behind as a rear guard. The three meet back on their camp lines where Yoda stands and smiles.
Yoda: Time for me to enter fray, it is. Yoshi! Bareback shall I ride you. Let us go!
Yoda, who is an adept kybuck rider hops upon Yoshi.
Yoda: Onward Yoshi!
The two find their intended target. Jackie Chan is in his crouching tiger position. He smiles that the little green beast on a dorky looking lizard is coming to attempt and attack his martial arts’ superiority. Instead of greeting his new enemies with the broken Engrish he always attempts to spout, he speaks his native Mandarin tongue.
Chan: 问候我的朋友，现在是时间杀害你。[Greetings my friends, it is now time to kill you!]
Yoda: Better your native tongue you speak than the unintelligible garble you try often.
Nonetheless die you shall!
Yoshi charges and is upon Chan in mere seconds. As Yoshi begins to attempt and utilize his tongue, Chan, in blinding action, punches Yoshi twenty five times in the beast’s gut with his Drunken Master skills. The power instantly kills Yoshi, a smile still on its face as its body falls to the ground. As the grinning Yoshi collapses, Yoda does a triple lindy somersault and ignites his lightsaber. Chan has no time to react and Yoda laps off Chan’s head.
Now being an omnipotent Watcher, I am familiar with the ramifications of slicing one’s head off with the cauterizing lightsaber blade. The oxygen, still trapped in Chan’s skull prevents him from dying instantly. Chan sees his body crumpled over, a mass of deadweight and I overhear his words as he looks up at his defiler.
Chan: 你赢取我们的争斗小的绿色野兽。 但是战争不结束。 去队! [You win our battle little green beast. But the war is not yet over. Go Team!]
Yodi: True the war is not over. But it will be. . . it will be. . .
As Yoda walks from the carnage before him (his comrade Yoshi fallen, looking like a Hoth tauntaun and the Chan looking like a headless international martial arts action-comedy hero) he senses in the force another. He turns around and sees Adi Gallia.
Adi: Master Yoda, it will be an honor defeating you in battle today.
Yoda: Of that you cannot be sure young one. Your confidence smells of the tainted dark side.
Adi: You know as well as I that confidence is not only of the dark side. Let me prove it. [Adi ignites her saber].
The two Jedi meet in a blazing skill of crashing light swords, flashes and sparks. Nonetheless, although Adi is an adept utilizer of her lightsaber, she is still no match for Yoda. Yoda spins, twirls, wiggles, jaunts and somersaults around Adi who soon becomes disoriented from the ancient master’s actions. Yoda takes advantage of this fact and force pushes her fifty feet in the air and down to the ground. Adi is knocked unconscious. Yoda, knowing that he has defeated the master, yet not killed her allows him to give a whimsical laugh; a laugh that is heard by TEAM.
I look upon TEAM. . .
He-Man [Looks behind him to his comrade]: Paulo, let us make this our battle now!
[Paulo lying on the ground unresponsive].
He-Man [kneels down to Paulo]: Paulo! What is wrong with you!
Paulo in a near catatonic, deathly state, simply gurgles blood in response.
He-Man: Ganon. Neo. What is wrong with Paulo?
Ganon uses the Triforce of Power to scan Paulo.
Ganon: The fool is useless to us now! He is all but dead now; overdosed on ultraspice!
He-Man: Use your black magic to bring him from the dead!
Ganon: I will not waste my powers on him! He is dead to the team, but a mere ghola from a Caladan relic. [Paulo dies and Ganon shakes his head in disgust]. Come my scantily clad man-toy and slick, leather clad beauty. Let us enter battle!
Together the three men charge onto the battlefield. Dozer #7 feeling left out of the fracas scampers alongside the three. They are met by Colossus and Beowulf (the Cymek, not the man from folklore who killed Grendel).
As the six circle each other on the battleground they stop to see Dozer # 7 jump up and down and then begin to sing a tune.
Dozer: We come from different places,
We come from different times;
But we all come together,
Let’s sing a little rhyme!
Everybody sing and dance,
Everybody laugh and prance. . . [Dozer screams and explodes].
Ganon: I know that he is. . . I mean was, my teammate, but I could only stand so much of that Fraggle Rock garbage. Let’s do what we came here today for – win! Colossus and Beowulf, you may now die!
The fight begins with the five combatants. Ganon gathers his black magic, which then culminates in a brackish cloud of darkness. He hurls the same at Colossus and Beowulf. Their cybernetic and metallic bodies avoid the disease within the mist. Colossus then takes action and attempts to strike Neo. Neo, with his Matrix-speed ability, slows the punch down, does a nice swan lift in the air and kicks Colossus repeatedly in the chest. Colossus is whipped around and around, but suffers little damage due to his armored body. Neo still has more strength to fight. He waves Colossus over for another round.
Colossus: Da. But not with me comrade.
Neo: Who then?
Neo begins to look behind him when he suddenly feels a sharp pain through his chest. He looks down and notices his own blood glistening on the sword which has just ripped through one of his lungs and pierced his heart. He is thrown off the sword by Sauron. Sauron simply nods his head in an acknowledgement to his teammate and walks toward Ganon.
Meanwhile, Beowulf is in mortal combat with He-Man.
He-Man: You remind me of one of Skeletor’s foul beasts! I shall use my immense strength to crush your body so you will be left but a brain attached to a broken machine.
He-Man is evenly matched with Beowulf. The two fight for several minutes until He-Man manages to wrestle the cyborg to the ground and is in control of the man-machine. He-Man then lifts the cyborg over his shoulders and throws it to the ground. He begins to do this repeatedly until the body becomes a shambling mound of wire and cybernetics.
Ganon: He-Man, this is one fight I do not wish to partake at this time. Come, my friend.
With these words, Ganon attempts to teleport himself and He-Man away from the battle with Sauron and Colossus, but is unsuccessful. Sauron slowly moves toward the wizard, a being of immense magic himself. Although no one can see within the realm of Sauron’s helmet, one can only imagine the smile that is upon his face as he rushes toward both He-Man and Ganon with raised sword. Ganon readily transports himself away, successful this time. He-Man is not as lucky. He-Man’s rippling muscles are sweatily displayed as he fights with Sauron. Nonetheless, Sauron’s sword skills, along with his added magical abilities, prove too much for He-Man. Sauron’s sword pierces He-Man’s body. Like so many of the other fighters today, impalement is the ultimate doom meted out to one’s foe.
Ganon smiles as he teleports back to the realm of battle. Ganon will live another day, or so he thinks until he sees the front grill of Optimus plow into him. Ganon’s blood splatters across the windshield and his body is run over (repeatedly) by Optimus.
Slave’s Line. . .
Manhunter: Are you ready Thor?
Thor: I have drunk my ale heartily and am ready for battle!
Manhunter: How much ale?
Thor: I may be over the mortal limit of consumption, but for a Norse god I am strengthened.
Manhunter: Let’s hunt my friend.
Both Thor and Manhunter take to the air.
Team’s Line. . .
Warlock: I see my nemesis Thor above. He has never forgiven me for taking the Asgardian goddess Sif to be my mate. I shall make him rue the day he caused me to lose her love by forcing me to create a cocoon around myself.
Superman: As you see your nemesis, I see one who has fought by my side with the League. But as I stand with TEAM, I swear to spread J’onn’s ashes across his homeworld of Mars.
Both Superman and Warlock take to the air to meet their counterparts in battle.
The sky battle is furious. Superman hits Manhunter head on with a devastating punch. Manhunter is thrown across the sky in a daze. His regeneration ability kicks into overdrive as he attempts to counter the effects of Superman’s blow. Just as J’onn is coming out of his haze, Superman attempts to use his heat vision on Manhunter. Manhunter is cognizant enough that he escapes the heat stream by using his invisibility power. He then uses his speed to catch Superman by his foot. Manhunter’s superhuman strength throws Superman across the sky, toward the sun. The Sun augments Superman’s strength. Superman flies faster than a speeding bullet, in fact, at supersonic speed. Although Manhunter is a powerful adversary, he is no match for Superman’s next blow. His fist manages to crush Manhunter’s sternum. Manhunter then falls to the ground in a crumpled heap. His regeneration powers begin to enhance his body, but it shall take a good amount of time for him to heal from the injuries. Superman stands over the body of Manhunter.
Superman: I am sorry to defeat you, my friend, but. . .
Superman feels a blast from behind as Optimus Prime uses his laser to throw Superman across the grounds. Superman begins to correct his flight when he feels a force through his side. He looks down and sees both Sauron’s magical blade and Yoda’s lightsaber impaling him.
Superman: How?
Yoda: Force and magical powers within the realm of defeat, Superman. [As Superman falls to his knees in pain, Yoda force pushes him down so that he is face to face with Superman]. Goodbye, Son of Krypton. [Yoda throws Superman across the sky, mortally wounded, with death imminent].
Thor and Warlock are locked in a death match in the sky.
Warlock: You were just jealous that Sif chose me over one of your other Norse bretheren. Looking at your long golden locks often worn by women, I see she didn’t have much to choose from anyway.
Thor: For that insult I shall bring Odin’s wrath upon thee.
The individual also known as “Him” and the God of Thunder are in a pitched battle. Thor uses his hammer against Warlock and smashes him across the sky. Thor then uses his hammer to gather the heat and lightning of the atmosphere and channel the forces of nature to create a force blast. Warlock secretly allows Thor to do this and then uses his manipulation of energy to steal the force and blow it back at Thor. Thor is hurtled across the sky, his costume in tatters.
Warlock smiles, but the smile does not last long as he sees Thor hurtling toward him, his hammer guiding him.
Thor: I may have a girl’s golden locks my astral friend, but I hit like a Norse god!
Thor uses the velocity of the hammer and twists around so that the hammer has the additional centripetal force. The hammer meets Warlock in his face. Warlock, after the hammer, no longer has a face. His body falls to the ground.
As I, Bryatu, Watcher of this match look around, I find TEAM defeated. Adi Gallia, Neo, Jackie Chan, Dozer # 7, Shockwave, Superman, Paulo, Ganon and He-Man, Warlock: no survivors. Thus, I declare George Washinton’s Slaves VICTORIOUS!
George Washington's Slaves are Yoda, Optimus Prime, Sauron, Beowolf, Thor, Martian Manhunter, Yoshi, Colossus, George Washington and Spongebob Squarepants.
TEAM is Adi Gallia, Shockwave, The Evil Paul Atreides Ghola (Paulo), He-Man, Adam Warlock, Superman, Gannon, Neo, Jackie Chan, and Dozer #7.
Before the match, I shall enter the locker room of George Washington’s Slaves. . .
Yoda: Crush them we shall. Decimate TEAM we must if we are to continue onward to the next round. The strength of Optimus, Sauron, Thor and Manhunter is enough to follow through.
George Washington: I have faced mighty forces in the past, but the British troops do not compare with Neo, Warlock, He-Man and Superman. We must not overextend our confidence; it will be our downfall.
Spongebob Squarepants: What Mr. George said!
To the locker room of TEAM we shall now go. . .
Superman: They are formidable, but if we work as a team, TEAM shall be victorious.
He-Man: By the “Power of Greyskull” shall I defend the honor of my teammates!
Jackie Chan: 让我们毁坏他们。[Let us destroy them].
Neo: I agree.
On to the battlefield. . .
The teams stand across the expanse, waiting for the other to make the first move. On the line of George Washington’s Slaves stands Spongebob Squarepants suddenly profusely sweating.
Spongebob: It’s a beautiful day for battle! [Hands moving to throat]. I don’t know what’s going on with me! [Begins to cough]. I’m drying out and . . . [Wobbles to the ground]. . . Holy Kabloey!!! [On the ground beginning to sizzle].
Optimus Prime uses his optical sensors to scan the line of TEAM and notices Superman “squinting” in Spongebob’s general direction. He instantly computes the situation and notice that Superman is using his heat vision to dry Spongebob out.
Optimus: SPONGEBOB! BEHIND ME!
Optimus Prime begins to take action and attempts to shelter Spongebob. He computes that he is too late as he notices the small character beginning to catch on fire. Soon the little sea animal is a blaze of flames.
Spongebob: It’s too late for me! [On major fire]. SLAVES!!! AVENGE ME!!!!
Spongebob’s body turns is now a fiery conflagration. Bob explodes. The first casualty of the match before the true battle begins.
Seeing that one of its true enemies enters into the fray Shockwave decides that Optimus is not the only transformer who can take beginning action for its team.
Shockwave, with its’ military operations commander mind, evaluates the situation and through methodical calculations believes that the namesake of the Washington’s team must be eliminated immediately. Washington’s elimination will not only destroy another member of his team, but will also destroy the team’s namesake. Shockwave believes that although Washington may be a true leader who possesses extraordinary skills (since he is but a mortal who leads superhumans and previously, an entire nation), he is only a man, while Shockwave is a superior Decepticon. Shockwave calculates the best means of ending Washington’s life and thus, transforms into a Mazda RX-8. Shockwave revs its engine, spins its tires and at blinding speed, races to meet Washington. Washington sees Shockwave coming and smiles in anticipation of a fight. He lifts the gun off his back, raises his muzzle and fires at one of Shockwave’s tires. Although a normal gun would not immediately affect the tire, Washington’s muzzle loader is filled with not one, but two balls (double-packed) with powder. One of Shockwave’s tires expodes due to the force of the double bullet tearing through the rubber and he begins to swerve uncontrollably. Shockwave computes that even if he is crippled he will have enough time to transform into its robot mode and blast Washington with its laser gun before the general can pack another double load. Washington sees the motor vehicle begin to transform into the Decepticon and awaits his maker. Just as Shockwave begins to transform, Optimus Prime jumps in (having quickly mourned Spongebob) and smashes Shockwave head on with both his laser rifle and modified truck cab body. The force of the blow and laser, both at the same time, sends Shockwave reeling away from the battle, smoking and malfunctioning. It is only a matter of minutes before Shockwave is sent to that great big toaster in the sky.
Washington: Thank you my friend.
Optimus: No sacrifice is too great in the service of freedom. Now hop on my shoulders and ride me like I know you can - - back to safety.
Just as Washington is about to mount Optimus, Yoshi runs up.
Yoshi: YOSHI!!!!
Washington: Okay Yosh, I will ride you instead.
Yoshi: YOSHI!!!
Washington rides back on Yoshi, with Optimus tailing behind as a rear guard. The three meet back on their camp lines where Yoda stands and smiles.
Yoda: Time for me to enter fray, it is. Yoshi! Bareback shall I ride you. Let us go!
Yoda, who is an adept kybuck rider hops upon Yoshi.
Yoda: Onward Yoshi!
The two find their intended target. Jackie Chan is in his crouching tiger position. He smiles that the little green beast on a dorky looking lizard is coming to attempt and attack his martial arts’ superiority. Instead of greeting his new enemies with the broken Engrish he always attempts to spout, he speaks his native Mandarin tongue.
Chan: 问候我的朋友，现在是时间杀害你。[Greetings my friends, it is now time to kill you!]
Yoda: Better your native tongue you speak than the unintelligible garble you try often.
Nonetheless die you shall!
Yoshi charges and is upon Chan in mere seconds. As Yoshi begins to attempt and utilize his tongue, Chan, in blinding action, punches Yoshi twenty five times in the beast’s gut with his Drunken Master skills. The power instantly kills Yoshi, a smile still on its face as its body falls to the ground. As the grinning Yoshi collapses, Yoda does a triple lindy somersault and ignites his lightsaber. Chan has no time to react and Yoda laps off Chan’s head.
Now being an omnipotent Watcher, I am familiar with the ramifications of slicing one’s head off with the cauterizing lightsaber blade. The oxygen, still trapped in Chan’s skull prevents him from dying instantly. Chan sees his body crumpled over, a mass of deadweight and I overhear his words as he looks up at his defiler.
Chan: 你赢取我们的争斗小的绿色野兽。 但是战争不结束。 去队! [You win our battle little green beast. But the war is not yet over. Go Team!]
Yodi: True the war is not over. But it will be. . . it will be. . .
As Yoda walks from the carnage before him (his comrade Yoshi fallen, looking like a Hoth tauntaun and the Chan looking like a headless international martial arts action-comedy hero) he senses in the force another. He turns around and sees Adi Gallia.
Adi: Master Yoda, it will be an honor defeating you in battle today.
Yoda: Of that you cannot be sure young one. Your confidence smells of the tainted dark side.
Adi: You know as well as I that confidence is not only of the dark side. Let me prove it. [Adi ignites her saber].
The two Jedi meet in a blazing skill of crashing light swords, flashes and sparks. Nonetheless, although Adi is an adept utilizer of her lightsaber, she is still no match for Yoda. Yoda spins, twirls, wiggles, jaunts and somersaults around Adi who soon becomes disoriented from the ancient master’s actions. Yoda takes advantage of this fact and force pushes her fifty feet in the air and down to the ground. Adi is knocked unconscious. Yoda, knowing that he has defeated the master, yet not killed her allows him to give a whimsical laugh; a laugh that is heard by TEAM.
I look upon TEAM. . .
He-Man [Looks behind him to his comrade]: Paulo, let us make this our battle now!
[Paulo lying on the ground unresponsive].
He-Man [kneels down to Paulo]: Paulo! What is wrong with you!
Paulo in a near catatonic, deathly state, simply gurgles blood in response.
He-Man: Ganon. Neo. What is wrong with Paulo?
Ganon uses the Triforce of Power to scan Paulo.
Ganon: The fool is useless to us now! He is all but dead now; overdosed on ultraspice!
He-Man: Use your black magic to bring him from the dead!
Ganon: I will not waste my powers on him! He is dead to the team, but a mere ghola from a Caladan relic. [Paulo dies and Ganon shakes his head in disgust]. Come my scantily clad man-toy and slick, leather clad beauty. Let us enter battle!
Together the three men charge onto the battlefield. Dozer #7 feeling left out of the fracas scampers alongside the three. They are met by Colossus and Beowulf (the Cymek, not the man from folklore who killed Grendel).
As the six circle each other on the battleground they stop to see Dozer # 7 jump up and down and then begin to sing a tune.
Dozer: We come from different places,
We come from different times;
But we all come together,
Let’s sing a little rhyme!
Everybody sing and dance,
Everybody laugh and prance. . . [Dozer screams and explodes].
Ganon: I know that he is. . . I mean was, my teammate, but I could only stand so much of that Fraggle Rock garbage. Let’s do what we came here today for – win! Colossus and Beowulf, you may now die!
The fight begins with the five combatants. Ganon gathers his black magic, which then culminates in a brackish cloud of darkness. He hurls the same at Colossus and Beowulf. Their cybernetic and metallic bodies avoid the disease within the mist. Colossus then takes action and attempts to strike Neo. Neo, with his Matrix-speed ability, slows the punch down, does a nice swan lift in the air and kicks Colossus repeatedly in the chest. Colossus is whipped around and around, but suffers little damage due to his armored body. Neo still has more strength to fight. He waves Colossus over for another round.
Colossus: Da. But not with me comrade.
Neo: Who then?
Neo begins to look behind him when he suddenly feels a sharp pain through his chest. He looks down and notices his own blood glistening on the sword which has just ripped through one of his lungs and pierced his heart. He is thrown off the sword by Sauron. Sauron simply nods his head in an acknowledgement to his teammate and walks toward Ganon.
Meanwhile, Beowulf is in mortal combat with He-Man.
He-Man: You remind me of one of Skeletor’s foul beasts! I shall use my immense strength to crush your body so you will be left but a brain attached to a broken machine.
He-Man is evenly matched with Beowulf. The two fight for several minutes until He-Man manages to wrestle the cyborg to the ground and is in control of the man-machine. He-Man then lifts the cyborg over his shoulders and throws it to the ground. He begins to do this repeatedly until the body becomes a shambling mound of wire and cybernetics.
Ganon: He-Man, this is one fight I do not wish to partake at this time. Come, my friend.
With these words, Ganon attempts to teleport himself and He-Man away from the battle with Sauron and Colossus, but is unsuccessful. Sauron slowly moves toward the wizard, a being of immense magic himself. Although no one can see within the realm of Sauron’s helmet, one can only imagine the smile that is upon his face as he rushes toward both He-Man and Ganon with raised sword. Ganon readily transports himself away, successful this time. He-Man is not as lucky. He-Man’s rippling muscles are sweatily displayed as he fights with Sauron. Nonetheless, Sauron’s sword skills, along with his added magical abilities, prove too much for He-Man. Sauron’s sword pierces He-Man’s body. Like so many of the other fighters today, impalement is the ultimate doom meted out to one’s foe.
Ganon smiles as he teleports back to the realm of battle. Ganon will live another day, or so he thinks until he sees the front grill of Optimus plow into him. Ganon’s blood splatters across the windshield and his body is run over (repeatedly) by Optimus.
Slave’s Line. . .
Manhunter: Are you ready Thor?
Thor: I have drunk my ale heartily and am ready for battle!
Manhunter: How much ale?
Thor: I may be over the mortal limit of consumption, but for a Norse god I am strengthened.
Manhunter: Let’s hunt my friend.
Both Thor and Manhunter take to the air.
Team’s Line. . .
Warlock: I see my nemesis Thor above. He has never forgiven me for taking the Asgardian goddess Sif to be my mate. I shall make him rue the day he caused me to lose her love by forcing me to create a cocoon around myself.
Superman: As you see your nemesis, I see one who has fought by my side with the League. But as I stand with TEAM, I swear to spread J’onn’s ashes across his homeworld of Mars.
Both Superman and Warlock take to the air to meet their counterparts in battle.
The sky battle is furious. Superman hits Manhunter head on with a devastating punch. Manhunter is thrown across the sky in a daze. His regeneration ability kicks into overdrive as he attempts to counter the effects of Superman’s blow. Just as J’onn is coming out of his haze, Superman attempts to use his heat vision on Manhunter. Manhunter is cognizant enough that he escapes the heat stream by using his invisibility power. He then uses his speed to catch Superman by his foot. Manhunter’s superhuman strength throws Superman across the sky, toward the sun. The Sun augments Superman’s strength. Superman flies faster than a speeding bullet, in fact, at supersonic speed. Although Manhunter is a powerful adversary, he is no match for Superman’s next blow. His fist manages to crush Manhunter’s sternum. Manhunter then falls to the ground in a crumpled heap. His regeneration powers begin to enhance his body, but it shall take a good amount of time for him to heal from the injuries. Superman stands over the body of Manhunter.
Superman: I am sorry to defeat you, my friend, but. . .
Superman feels a blast from behind as Optimus Prime uses his laser to throw Superman across the grounds. Superman begins to correct his flight when he feels a force through his side. He looks down and sees both Sauron’s magical blade and Yoda’s lightsaber impaling him.
Superman: How?
Yoda: Force and magical powers within the realm of defeat, Superman. [As Superman falls to his knees in pain, Yoda force pushes him down so that he is face to face with Superman]. Goodbye, Son of Krypton. [Yoda throws Superman across the sky, mortally wounded, with death imminent].
Thor and Warlock are locked in a death match in the sky.
Warlock: You were just jealous that Sif chose me over one of your other Norse bretheren. Looking at your long golden locks often worn by women, I see she didn’t have much to choose from anyway.
Thor: For that insult I shall bring Odin’s wrath upon thee.
The individual also known as “Him” and the God of Thunder are in a pitched battle. Thor uses his hammer against Warlock and smashes him across the sky. Thor then uses his hammer to gather the heat and lightning of the atmosphere and channel the forces of nature to create a force blast. Warlock secretly allows Thor to do this and then uses his manipulation of energy to steal the force and blow it back at Thor. Thor is hurtled across the sky, his costume in tatters.
Warlock smiles, but the smile does not last long as he sees Thor hurtling toward him, his hammer guiding him.
Thor: I may have a girl’s golden locks my astral friend, but I hit like a Norse god!
Thor uses the velocity of the hammer and twists around so that the hammer has the additional centripetal force. The hammer meets Warlock in his face. Warlock, after the hammer, no longer has a face. His body falls to the ground.
As I, Bryatu, Watcher of this match look around, I find TEAM defeated. Adi Gallia, Neo, Jackie Chan, Dozer # 7, Shockwave, Superman, Paulo, Ganon and He-Man, Warlock: no survivors. Thus, I declare George Washinton’s Slaves VICTORIOUS!
The Brotherhood of Evil Midgets vs Chuck Daly and The New Pistons
The Brotherhood of Evil Midgets is Asajj Ventress, Omega Supreme, Tom Bombadil, Duncan Idaho, Wonder Man, Salaak, Link, Megalon, David Goverde, and Wicket.
Chuck Daly and the New Pistons are Darth Rage, Pipes, Faramir, Piter De Vries, Rhino, Man-Bat, Wario, Dengar, Bill Laimbeer, and Ski Bum.
Chuck Daly’s team arrives at Ford Field, ready to face the Brotherhood of Evil Midgets in this opening round of the First Annual FFL Optional Tournament. This makeshift team of misfits was eager to show everyone that it was a mistake to let them rot on the waiver wire. Unfortunately, this feeling was quickly squashed, literally. Both Pipes and Wario were stepped on by Omega Supreme, who had destroyed part of the roof and the most of the Hudson’s warehouse side of the football stadium, just to fit inside. More of the New Pistons hopes were shattered when their Sith Lord, Darth Rage, tangled with Salaak and Duncan Idaho. Darth Rage raced toward Duncan Idaho at first; wildly swinging his lightsaber, ignoring the Green Lantern flying above him. (Gee I wonder why he was named Darth “Rage”) He did manage to cut Duncan’s crysknife in half, but just when he was about to deliver a kill blow to the Sword Master of the Ginaz, Salaak, blocks the lightsaber with a wall of green energy from his ring. The Green Lantern then swoops down into action and hits Darth Rage with a flurry of punches from his four arms. He is able to knock Rage’s lightsaber out of his hand and knocks him to the floor. The Sith Lord then retaliates with a blast of Sith Lightning, which Salaak was unable to deflect. Then, in quick fashion, Duncan Idaho scooped up the lightsaber and ran Darth Rage through with his own weapon. Meanwhile over in the east end zone, Piter De Vries and Rhino are double teaming Asajj Ventress. The odds quickly even out when Asajj cuts the goal post down and it crushes De Vries. Rhino charges at the Dark Jedi, but she easily jumps out of the way and allows Rhino to slam into a wall. He pulls his horn out of the wall and charges her again, only this time he is cut down by her lightsaber. Tom Bombadil for what ever reason was walking around in the Detroit Lions locker room. This decision proved to be fatal, as he was jumped from behind and strangled to death with a jersey by Ski Bum. Back out on the field, Link and Faramir are engaged in a fierce sword fight on the 50 yard line. The duel goes back and forth several times. Faramir wounds Link’s right leg, dropping him to his knees. But Link manages to fight back, blocking Faramir’s attack with the Hylian Shield and then firing three Silver Arrow into Faramir’s chest, killing the second son of Denethor II. Link takes a moment before returning to battle to drink a bottle of Blue Potion he carried with him. The potion heals his leg wound completely. High above the battle, Man-Bat attempts to tangle with Wonder Man. Man-Bat flies frantically around the air, evading Wonder Man’s attacks. Simon finally lands a punch on Dr. Langstrom and sends him crashing into the stadium’s massive video screen. A high pitched wail could be heard from the exploding screen, as Man-Bat was being electrocuted. The team of Asajj Ventress, Link and Duncan Idaho begin to search the stadium grounds for their teammate, Tom Bombadil. The bounty hunter, Dengar, slowly stalks Dave Goverde, who for some reason was in full Los Angeles Kings goalie gear, even though he hasn’t played for that team since 1994. Dengar takes aim at the back of “Go-Go’s” helmet with his Valken-38 Blaster Rifle and fires a shot. But in a blink of an eye, Goverde spins around and blocks the shot with his stick. Dengar continues firing shots at the goalie, but with no avail. Goverde is standing on his head in this battle, as if his life depended on it (which it does). Bill Laimbeer then runs (well slightly jogs would be much more accurate) to help Dengar out. He whips a basketball right at the goalie’s helmet. This knocks Dave down, and Dengar blasts him with several blaster shots, killing him. Wicket, who had been hiding behind some seats, jumps out and throws his spear right into the back of Bill Laimbeer. Wicket then scurries outside before Dengar could attack. Dengar follows the Ewok outside where he is met by a napalm bomb from the awaiting Megalon. Asajj Ventress and the others find the body of their teammate Tom Bombadil lying on the floor of the Lion’s locker room. Link begins to sing a song for Tom, but is cut short by the final member of the New Pistons. Ski Bum knocks Link to the ground and begins to beat him with a football helmet. Asajj Ventress force pushes the little bear off of Link, sending him flying into the laundry basket. The crazy furry little thing leaps out and races at the Dark Jedi. She uses the Force to grab him and choke the very life out of the small bear, thus ending the New Pistons’ existence as a team.
THE BROTHERHOOD OF EVIL MIDGETS IS VICTORIOUS AND ADVANCE!
Chuck Daly and the New Pistons are Darth Rage, Pipes, Faramir, Piter De Vries, Rhino, Man-Bat, Wario, Dengar, Bill Laimbeer, and Ski Bum.
Chuck Daly’s team arrives at Ford Field, ready to face the Brotherhood of Evil Midgets in this opening round of the First Annual FFL Optional Tournament. This makeshift team of misfits was eager to show everyone that it was a mistake to let them rot on the waiver wire. Unfortunately, this feeling was quickly squashed, literally. Both Pipes and Wario were stepped on by Omega Supreme, who had destroyed part of the roof and the most of the Hudson’s warehouse side of the football stadium, just to fit inside. More of the New Pistons hopes were shattered when their Sith Lord, Darth Rage, tangled with Salaak and Duncan Idaho. Darth Rage raced toward Duncan Idaho at first; wildly swinging his lightsaber, ignoring the Green Lantern flying above him. (Gee I wonder why he was named Darth “Rage”) He did manage to cut Duncan’s crysknife in half, but just when he was about to deliver a kill blow to the Sword Master of the Ginaz, Salaak, blocks the lightsaber with a wall of green energy from his ring. The Green Lantern then swoops down into action and hits Darth Rage with a flurry of punches from his four arms. He is able to knock Rage’s lightsaber out of his hand and knocks him to the floor. The Sith Lord then retaliates with a blast of Sith Lightning, which Salaak was unable to deflect. Then, in quick fashion, Duncan Idaho scooped up the lightsaber and ran Darth Rage through with his own weapon. Meanwhile over in the east end zone, Piter De Vries and Rhino are double teaming Asajj Ventress. The odds quickly even out when Asajj cuts the goal post down and it crushes De Vries. Rhino charges at the Dark Jedi, but she easily jumps out of the way and allows Rhino to slam into a wall. He pulls his horn out of the wall and charges her again, only this time he is cut down by her lightsaber. Tom Bombadil for what ever reason was walking around in the Detroit Lions locker room. This decision proved to be fatal, as he was jumped from behind and strangled to death with a jersey by Ski Bum. Back out on the field, Link and Faramir are engaged in a fierce sword fight on the 50 yard line. The duel goes back and forth several times. Faramir wounds Link’s right leg, dropping him to his knees. But Link manages to fight back, blocking Faramir’s attack with the Hylian Shield and then firing three Silver Arrow into Faramir’s chest, killing the second son of Denethor II. Link takes a moment before returning to battle to drink a bottle of Blue Potion he carried with him. The potion heals his leg wound completely. High above the battle, Man-Bat attempts to tangle with Wonder Man. Man-Bat flies frantically around the air, evading Wonder Man’s attacks. Simon finally lands a punch on Dr. Langstrom and sends him crashing into the stadium’s massive video screen. A high pitched wail could be heard from the exploding screen, as Man-Bat was being electrocuted. The team of Asajj Ventress, Link and Duncan Idaho begin to search the stadium grounds for their teammate, Tom Bombadil. The bounty hunter, Dengar, slowly stalks Dave Goverde, who for some reason was in full Los Angeles Kings goalie gear, even though he hasn’t played for that team since 1994. Dengar takes aim at the back of “Go-Go’s” helmet with his Valken-38 Blaster Rifle and fires a shot. But in a blink of an eye, Goverde spins around and blocks the shot with his stick. Dengar continues firing shots at the goalie, but with no avail. Goverde is standing on his head in this battle, as if his life depended on it (which it does). Bill Laimbeer then runs (well slightly jogs would be much more accurate) to help Dengar out. He whips a basketball right at the goalie’s helmet. This knocks Dave down, and Dengar blasts him with several blaster shots, killing him. Wicket, who had been hiding behind some seats, jumps out and throws his spear right into the back of Bill Laimbeer. Wicket then scurries outside before Dengar could attack. Dengar follows the Ewok outside where he is met by a napalm bomb from the awaiting Megalon. Asajj Ventress and the others find the body of their teammate Tom Bombadil lying on the floor of the Lion’s locker room. Link begins to sing a song for Tom, but is cut short by the final member of the New Pistons. Ski Bum knocks Link to the ground and begins to beat him with a football helmet. Asajj Ventress force pushes the little bear off of Link, sending him flying into the laundry basket. The crazy furry little thing leaps out and races at the Dark Jedi. She uses the Force to grab him and choke the very life out of the small bear, thus ending the New Pistons’ existence as a team.
THE BROTHERHOOD OF EVIL MIDGETS IS VICTORIOUS AND ADVANCE!
Friday, October 10, 2008
Thursday, October 9, 2008
Wednesday, October 8, 2008
The Horsemen of Apokolips Vs. The Syracuse Valley
The Horsemen of Apokolips are Plo Koon, Tripticon, Gurney Halleck, The Witch King of Angmar, Sabertooth, Supergirl, Kane of Runefast, Achilles, Charleton Heston, & Snoopy.
The Syracuse Valley is Darth Maul, Ratbat, Moritani Soldier #1, Balrog #5, Omega Red, Black Lightning, Master Chief, Casey Jones, Gordon Barbo, & Little Goomba #2.
Master Chief knows that he is about to go up against one of the top teams in all of the FFL which is why he has formulated what he believes to be a stellar plan of attack. He has spoken to his troops as a team, but he also pulled Darth Maul aside for a very brief yet special conference. He said "Lord Maul, I know that I don't need to tell you how important it is for you to come out huge today, we both know that you aren't exactly surrounded by the best of the best". "As you wish my Master...... Chief" Maul replies. On the other hand the ten members of the Horsemen who were selected for this battle asked their interim Head Coach Darkseid what there plan of attack should be and Darkseid replied with "WIN! or don't bother to come back". As the battle begins The Horsemen witness Master Chief carefully moving his soldiers into position. A very nervous Snoopy in his first ever FFL appearance has decided to stay close to Charleton Heston when Gurney Halleck approaches the two of them and says "This should not be much of a problem, all indications are that this team is one of the worst in National League, and that is saying alot". Kane of Runefast chimes in with "just remember what Coach Darkseid always says, decimate your opponent completely, or die a cowards death". "He's not my coach; Darkseid is a fool" Achilles proclaims. Supergirl then rubs up next to the attractive Greek and says "yeah, leave it to a rock-brained, over-compensating, moron like him to come up with something that cheesey". Plo Koon tries to dispell the situation by adding "I do not need to be a master in the force to sense that you disagree with Darkseid's teachings". Supergirl replies with "it isn't disagreement, it is just that some of us on this team don't feel we need to make outrageous claims to the team to show what it is to be a Horsemen. It is his words that may tell us what to do but it is our actions that"........ "perfect it" Achilles says to finish off his teammates sentance. With this diatribe ending Achilles suddenely starts running wildly toward the area where the members of the Valley were setting up. Achilles does not say a word but he knows that there is one person on this team that he needs to take out immedietely. It may not be the team's most powerful member but in a match like this in quarters as close as the turf at Ford Field he is the most important. Achilles uses his shield to block the first blast from Master Chief and then rolls out of the way of the next two. He takes a small flesh wound to the left shoulder but it does not slow him down in the least. Master Chief has moved out from behind the bench he was using as cover in an attempt to shoot the Greek prince from other angles but he just keeps coming. In what looks like a foolish manuever Achilles throws his shield and only form of defense at Master Chief and knocks his rifle out of his hands. Achilles then spins so quickly at his opponent that from my perspective it was impossible to tell what hit the ground first: the gun, the shield, or Master Chief's head. Before the carnage even began to ensue Heston grabbed a hold of Snoopy and dove behind the first row of seats. Chaz had two M-60 machine guns slung over his shoulder and Colt .45 holstered at his side. "Do you know how to load one of these he asks Snoopy" as he points to the 7.65 x .39 mm rounds that will be shot out of the guns. Snoopy nods his head yes as Chuck tells him "Good, I'll shoot while you reload for me". Plo Koon goes straight for Darth Maul, and they both deploy their lightsabers to do battle, while Tripticon moves in toward Balrog #5. Balrogs, having been born in the depths of Mordor into a hotbed of all that is evil are not exaactly capable of fear but this Balrog does go into this battle with a touch of uneasiness due to the fact that fighting something significantly bigger than itself is not something they are used to. Gurney Halleck takes cover and then runs into the locker room tunnels as he is being chased by an airborn Ratbat. Gurney Halleck climbs through the top of the bleacher area to a point where he is actually above the little Decepticon who is using it's scanners to monitor the area. The crazy troubador then jumps onto Ratbat and starts wedging his Atreides blade into any crevous he can find on the Transformer. He then jumps off of the flailing robot and in mid-air puts two bullets from his maula pistol into the head of Ratbat to take him down. The Moritani Soldier is knocked backward but is mostly unharmed by The Witch Kings sword thrusts due to his personal Holtzman Shield but when the slow moving Gauntlet covered hand of The Ringwraith penetrates the shield it does not take the most powerful of all the Nazgul long to strangle the mere mortal. Casey Jones comes running up behind Achilles with a Goalie stick in one hand and a baseball bat in the other in an attempt to avenge his fearless team leader, but before he can, a hollow point from the barrel of Charlie Heston's M-60 goes through his eye. Hestizzle then plants a couple into the chest of Gordon Barbo and then he and snoopy both jump about ten feet down onto the field and land directly on the head of Little Goomba #2. Sabertooth and his hated adversary Omega Red have been sniffing around playing an intense game of cat and mouse with each other since the very beginning of the battle when all of the sudden Sabertooth catches his scent. He knows that his Russian nemesis is nearby but the scent is caght just barely to late as Omega Red jumps down from the scoreboard and wraps his carbonadium tennacles around him. The spores that Omega Red gives out would have already killed a normal human at this close range but Sabertooth fights back brutally and the battle ensues. Black Lightning hits Supergirl with enough force to actually knock her out of the air but Kane of Runefast uses the Sword of Darkness to cast Desoul. Black Lightning focuses all of his strength to create a protective lightning wall to keep the floating merchant of death from getting in to close which works but leaves him momentarily defenseless as Supergirl returns the favor he gave her by blasting him with heat vision to knock him to the ground; Kane then uses the Sword of Darkness for what it does best as he chops Black Lightning to pieces. Darth Maul moves quickly around the Jedi Master who does an excellent job of deflecting his double bladed lightsaber at first but when Master Koon goes back to his Form 5 lightsaber skills which have made him so famous, they leave him open to the younger and faster opponent with the superior weapon. Plo Koon goes for a head shot and removes the ear of the Sith Lord but Maul's move proved much more devastating as he thrust his crimson lightsaber into the neck of the Jedi Master to kill him. Sabertooth begins clawing at Omega Red which causes both of them to go tumbling down onto the field, Darth Maul although wounded grabs his fallen opponent's lightsaber and ignites it with his left hand giving him a total of three blades. He rushes at the tangled bloody mess that is Sabertooth and Omega Red and plunges both a Sith and Jedi blade into the chest of Sabertooth. Sabertooth instictively attempts to move for a counter attack but so much of his life force has been drained by Omega Red's carbonadium tennacles that the double saber attack is enough to by-pass his healing factor and kill the powerful mutant. Balrog #5 jumps right into the center of Tripticon where his firey body starts to singe the metal of the powerful Decepticon doing a decent amount of damage but once Tripticon starts bring his mighty metal hands down onto the head and body of the Balrog he is completely smothered under the might of the robot dinosaur. The exhasuted and wounded pair of Omega Red and Darth Maul stand up and prepare to fight back to back against the Witch King and Kane of Runefast as Supergirl lands next to the Witch King right in front of the Russian mutant and Achilles runs up next to Kane so they can double team The Sith Lord. Heston hands his other M-60 to Gurney Halleck and his .45 to Snoopy and the three of them stand back so they can give their teammates some cover. Omega Red was denied some of the lifeforce he would have gotten from Sabertooth when Maul got the final hit but he runs at The Witch King like a man possessed. He grabs onto the Nazgul but before he finds out that there is nothing to absorb Supergirl cracks his neck. Achilles and Kane both evade the swings of the both force and physically fatigued Maul's lightsabers and then begin to argue over who it was who stabbed him in the chest first.
THE HORSEMEN OF APOKOLIPS ARE VICTORIOUS!
The Syracuse Valley is Darth Maul, Ratbat, Moritani Soldier #1, Balrog #5, Omega Red, Black Lightning, Master Chief, Casey Jones, Gordon Barbo, & Little Goomba #2.
Master Chief knows that he is about to go up against one of the top teams in all of the FFL which is why he has formulated what he believes to be a stellar plan of attack. He has spoken to his troops as a team, but he also pulled Darth Maul aside for a very brief yet special conference. He said "Lord Maul, I know that I don't need to tell you how important it is for you to come out huge today, we both know that you aren't exactly surrounded by the best of the best". "As you wish my Master...... Chief" Maul replies. On the other hand the ten members of the Horsemen who were selected for this battle asked their interim Head Coach Darkseid what there plan of attack should be and Darkseid replied with "WIN! or don't bother to come back". As the battle begins The Horsemen witness Master Chief carefully moving his soldiers into position. A very nervous Snoopy in his first ever FFL appearance has decided to stay close to Charleton Heston when Gurney Halleck approaches the two of them and says "This should not be much of a problem, all indications are that this team is one of the worst in National League, and that is saying alot". Kane of Runefast chimes in with "just remember what Coach Darkseid always says, decimate your opponent completely, or die a cowards death". "He's not my coach; Darkseid is a fool" Achilles proclaims. Supergirl then rubs up next to the attractive Greek and says "yeah, leave it to a rock-brained, over-compensating, moron like him to come up with something that cheesey". Plo Koon tries to dispell the situation by adding "I do not need to be a master in the force to sense that you disagree with Darkseid's teachings". Supergirl replies with "it isn't disagreement, it is just that some of us on this team don't feel we need to make outrageous claims to the team to show what it is to be a Horsemen. It is his words that may tell us what to do but it is our actions that"........ "perfect it" Achilles says to finish off his teammates sentance. With this diatribe ending Achilles suddenely starts running wildly toward the area where the members of the Valley were setting up. Achilles does not say a word but he knows that there is one person on this team that he needs to take out immedietely. It may not be the team's most powerful member but in a match like this in quarters as close as the turf at Ford Field he is the most important. Achilles uses his shield to block the first blast from Master Chief and then rolls out of the way of the next two. He takes a small flesh wound to the left shoulder but it does not slow him down in the least. Master Chief has moved out from behind the bench he was using as cover in an attempt to shoot the Greek prince from other angles but he just keeps coming. In what looks like a foolish manuever Achilles throws his shield and only form of defense at Master Chief and knocks his rifle out of his hands. Achilles then spins so quickly at his opponent that from my perspective it was impossible to tell what hit the ground first: the gun, the shield, or Master Chief's head. Before the carnage even began to ensue Heston grabbed a hold of Snoopy and dove behind the first row of seats. Chaz had two M-60 machine guns slung over his shoulder and Colt .45 holstered at his side. "Do you know how to load one of these he asks Snoopy" as he points to the 7.65 x .39 mm rounds that will be shot out of the guns. Snoopy nods his head yes as Chuck tells him "Good, I'll shoot while you reload for me". Plo Koon goes straight for Darth Maul, and they both deploy their lightsabers to do battle, while Tripticon moves in toward Balrog #5. Balrogs, having been born in the depths of Mordor into a hotbed of all that is evil are not exaactly capable of fear but this Balrog does go into this battle with a touch of uneasiness due to the fact that fighting something significantly bigger than itself is not something they are used to. Gurney Halleck takes cover and then runs into the locker room tunnels as he is being chased by an airborn Ratbat. Gurney Halleck climbs through the top of the bleacher area to a point where he is actually above the little Decepticon who is using it's scanners to monitor the area. The crazy troubador then jumps onto Ratbat and starts wedging his Atreides blade into any crevous he can find on the Transformer. He then jumps off of the flailing robot and in mid-air puts two bullets from his maula pistol into the head of Ratbat to take him down. The Moritani Soldier is knocked backward but is mostly unharmed by The Witch Kings sword thrusts due to his personal Holtzman Shield but when the slow moving Gauntlet covered hand of The Ringwraith penetrates the shield it does not take the most powerful of all the Nazgul long to strangle the mere mortal. Casey Jones comes running up behind Achilles with a Goalie stick in one hand and a baseball bat in the other in an attempt to avenge his fearless team leader, but before he can, a hollow point from the barrel of Charlie Heston's M-60 goes through his eye. Hestizzle then plants a couple into the chest of Gordon Barbo and then he and snoopy both jump about ten feet down onto the field and land directly on the head of Little Goomba #2. Sabertooth and his hated adversary Omega Red have been sniffing around playing an intense game of cat and mouse with each other since the very beginning of the battle when all of the sudden Sabertooth catches his scent. He knows that his Russian nemesis is nearby but the scent is caght just barely to late as Omega Red jumps down from the scoreboard and wraps his carbonadium tennacles around him. The spores that Omega Red gives out would have already killed a normal human at this close range but Sabertooth fights back brutally and the battle ensues. Black Lightning hits Supergirl with enough force to actually knock her out of the air but Kane of Runefast uses the Sword of Darkness to cast Desoul. Black Lightning focuses all of his strength to create a protective lightning wall to keep the floating merchant of death from getting in to close which works but leaves him momentarily defenseless as Supergirl returns the favor he gave her by blasting him with heat vision to knock him to the ground; Kane then uses the Sword of Darkness for what it does best as he chops Black Lightning to pieces. Darth Maul moves quickly around the Jedi Master who does an excellent job of deflecting his double bladed lightsaber at first but when Master Koon goes back to his Form 5 lightsaber skills which have made him so famous, they leave him open to the younger and faster opponent with the superior weapon. Plo Koon goes for a head shot and removes the ear of the Sith Lord but Maul's move proved much more devastating as he thrust his crimson lightsaber into the neck of the Jedi Master to kill him. Sabertooth begins clawing at Omega Red which causes both of them to go tumbling down onto the field, Darth Maul although wounded grabs his fallen opponent's lightsaber and ignites it with his left hand giving him a total of three blades. He rushes at the tangled bloody mess that is Sabertooth and Omega Red and plunges both a Sith and Jedi blade into the chest of Sabertooth. Sabertooth instictively attempts to move for a counter attack but so much of his life force has been drained by Omega Red's carbonadium tennacles that the double saber attack is enough to by-pass his healing factor and kill the powerful mutant. Balrog #5 jumps right into the center of Tripticon where his firey body starts to singe the metal of the powerful Decepticon doing a decent amount of damage but once Tripticon starts bring his mighty metal hands down onto the head and body of the Balrog he is completely smothered under the might of the robot dinosaur. The exhasuted and wounded pair of Omega Red and Darth Maul stand up and prepare to fight back to back against the Witch King and Kane of Runefast as Supergirl lands next to the Witch King right in front of the Russian mutant and Achilles runs up next to Kane so they can double team The Sith Lord. Heston hands his other M-60 to Gurney Halleck and his .45 to Snoopy and the three of them stand back so they can give their teammates some cover. Omega Red was denied some of the lifeforce he would have gotten from Sabertooth when Maul got the final hit but he runs at The Witch King like a man possessed. He grabs onto the Nazgul but before he finds out that there is nothing to absorb Supergirl cracks his neck. Achilles and Kane both evade the swings of the both force and physically fatigued Maul's lightsabers and then begin to argue over who it was who stabbed him in the chest first.
THE HORSEMEN OF APOKOLIPS ARE VICTORIOUS!
Monday, October 6, 2008
Sunday, October 5, 2008
October Optional Tournament
Round 1
Setting: Ford Field
Prize: An Autobot Exo-Suit.
George Washington's Slaves Vs. TEAM
The Horsemen of Apokolips Vs. The Syracuse Valley
Hannah Montana & Barack Obama's "Best of Both World's" Touring Battalion of Commandos Vs. Alice's Wonder Team
The Brotherhood of Evil Midgets Vs. Chuck Daly & The New Pistons
Saturday, October 4, 2008
Draft Announcements
The Fantasy Fantasy Draft Lottery will be held on Thursday, November 6th at 7:00 PM. It is not required that Team owners be present but they are of course all welcome (it will be brief).
The Fantasy Fantasy Draft will be held Saturday February 7th at 12:00 PM. It will consist of 30 rounds and will contain upwards of 600 new picks. Every team will also be given another 4 off-list picks as well.
The Fantasy Fantasy Draft will be held Saturday February 7th at 12:00 PM. It will consist of 30 rounds and will contain upwards of 600 new picks. Every team will also be given another 4 off-list picks as well.
Thank You,
-Josh
Thursday, September 25, 2008
Warning List
This is a list of any character that has seven or more deaths.
Better Than All of You
Predator #2
Agent Smith
The Terminator (from T-1)
The Terminator (from T-2)
The Untouchables
NONE
Beckerman's Backyardigans: Beeyatches
NONE
Team Fred
Master Mold (8)
Absorbing Man
TEAM
Jet Li (8)
The Horsemen of Apokolips
Polaris
Scarlet Witch
George Washington's Slaves
Al Dawg (8)
Le' Napoleon Brigade
Wonder Girl
Silver Dragon #1 (8)
Silver Dragon #2
Silver Dragon #3
The Right Wing
NONE
Hannah Montana & Barack Obama's "Best of Both Worlds" Touring Battalion of Commandos
Jar Jar Binks (8)
Brock Sampson's Fighting Murderlies
Ewok #4
Scooby Dumb
Marine #1 (8)
Marine #2 (8)
Marine #5
Alice's Wonder Team
Extinction Alice
Kimbo Slice (8)
Tyler Derdon (8)
Lucca Brazzi
Goblin #1 (9)
The Syracuse Valley
Omega Red
Rumble
Ravage
Lazerbeak
Ratbat
Tails (8)
Hammer Bros. #1
Fire Bros. #1
Xenomorph #85 (8)
Xenomorph #86
Xenomorph #87
Xenomorph #88
Xenomorph #89
Xenomorph #90
Legion of Doom
Weapon Omega (8)
Micheal Vick's Bad Newz Kennelz of Luv
NONE
Reign Supremacy
Robin
Paul Coffey
Jedi Knight #36
Elite Clone Trooper #21
The Brotherhood of Evil Midgets
Head Coach: Alexander the Great
Roster
Mr. Mxyztplk
Magneto
Mighty Mouse
Usagio Yojimbo
Katma Tui
Bucephalus
Count Dooku
Asajj Ventress
Ch'p
Dr. Ub'x
Psylocke
Duncan Idaho
Link
Quasar
Tom Bombadill
Nightwing
Peppermint Patti
Marci
Thundercracker
Omega Supreme
Superboy
Widget
Air Zonk
Bill Kelley
Salack
Skimmell
Power Dump
Air Zimmell
Lolo
Papa Smurf
Hermes
Stilgar
Gwildore
Wicket W. Warrick
Robert Muldoon
Longshot
Green Dragon #27
Gold Dragon #3-8
Silver Dragon #16 & 17
Twisted Mentat #2
Little Goomba #64
Ryachu
Jedi Padawan #17-20
Wonder Man
Jade
Oppo Rancisis
Dark Side Akolyte #1-6
Dark Side Adept #1-6
Sith Lord #5
Aurra Sing
Wheely
Power Glide
Meriadoc Brandybuck
Oin
Gloin
Balin
Radaghast
Hobbit #1
Pony #1-3
Nazgul #3 (with his horse and Fell Beast)
Troll #1-6
Evil Dwarf #1 & 2
Dragon #1-6
Balrog #3 & 4
Fremen #52-57
Thufir Hawat
Bene Gesserit #1 & 2
Bene Gesserit Reverend Mother #1-6
Honored Matre #1 & 2
New Sisterhood Mother #1-4
Duncan Idaho Ghola #5
Mentat #1
Ginaz Swordsmen #11-16
Ancient Ginaz Swordsmen #1-6
Wasp
G.W. Bridge
Adam Warlock
Kylun
Spider-Ham
Black Knight
Speedy
Beppo
Bat-Mite
Larry (Robin's Bat-Mite)
Kid Flash
Simmell
Scrimmell
Alan Keyes
Hammer Bros. #11-16
Death Bringer
Capt. N
Duke
Pit
Mouser
Stratos
Michelle Dessler
Tony Almeda
Flint Fireforge
Purple Dragon #13 & 14
Griffin #11-16
Tybalt
Treasure Troll #1 & 2
Jinx
Ttanus
Chucky
Bride of Chucky
Gamera
Megalon
N.S.-5 #35-40
Wicked Witch of the East
Dave Goverde
Kermit the Frog
Clamenza
Gobo
Mokey
Dozer #8 & 9
Quick Kick
Smurf #1 & 2
Carlos Chiappe
Jedi Knight #33-35
Ewok #41-46
Dark Jedi #13-18
Dark Jedi Master #12 & 13
Suk Doctor #19
Velociraptor #21-23
Vampire #100
Dwarf #1 & 2
Haldir
Beachcomber
Super Battle Droid #1 & 2
Murbella
Blue Devil
Shia Lebuef
Squirtle
Toad
Salacious B. Crumb
Empty Roster Spots: 38
Vehicles
Go-Cart
What's Going on in the Locker Room
Head Coach Alexander the Great had to recently re-carpet the locker room due to the excessive spacing from Superboy, who was forced to watch from the sidelines his sort of relatives dominate the inaugural year of the Fantasy Fantasy League. Ever since the completion of the season, Superboy has vowed to prove himself better than both Kal-El and Kara Zor-El. This locker room has also experienced a lot of outrageous shenanigans with the likes of Mr. Mxyzptlk, Bat-Mite, Larry, Chucky and Bride of Chucky wandering around. Mr. Mxyzptlk at one point turned the entire locker room into a ginger bread house. This move proved to be more than just a nuisance for the Brotherhood, as this lead to the escape of all of the caged beasts on the roster. All of the Dragons terrorized their teammates from the skies killing Pony #2, Ewoks #41, 42, and both Treasure Trolls. Griffins #11-16 tore through N.S. 5’s #35-40 handing all of the deaths. Little Goomba #64 was stepped on by Troll #4 as well. Robert Muldoon hunted down and killed Velociraptors #21-23 before they could cause any damage. Mr. Mxyzptlk finally got bored with this and returned everything to normal. Shia LaBeouf crashed the team’s Go-Cart into Omega Supreme. There was some damage to his hand from this accident after Omega Supreme transformed and stepped on it. Alexander the Great has consulted with Magneto and Count Dooku on a plan of attack for the upcoming season. Oppo Rancisis has taken Jedi Padawan #18 under his wing (well more like his beard). It is also believed that Sith Lord #5 has begun to instruct Jedi Padawan #19. The Brotherhood is going to have all the eyes from the other teams focused intently on them once the season begins. The Watchers are expecting… well most of this team to have a huge year, but especially Superboy and Magneto. They have one ball in the Draft Lottery.
Monday, September 22, 2008
Built Ford Tough
Head Coach: Sparky Anderson
Roster
Han Solo
Chewbacca
Indian Jones
Jack Ryan
Harrison Ford
U.S. Agent
Scout Trooper #1-33
Wilt
Barry Sanders
Empty Roster Spots: 229
Vehicles
Speeder Bike
Motorcycle
Go-Cart
Tank
What's Going on in the Locker Room
Very Little......... The Watchers are predicting a big season for Harrison Ford and anybody that has a physical similarity to him. Built Ford Tough has 10 balls in the draft lottery.
Reign Supremacy
Head Coach: Alfred
Roster
Batman
Robin
Smaug
Iron Man
Chuck Norris
Cyborg Superman
Peter Venkman
Ray Stanz
Egon Spengler
Winston Zeddimore
Capt. Malcom Reynolds
Zoe
Wash
Book
Anora
Jane
River Tam
Simon Tam
Kaylee Frye
Mega Man
Rush
Capt. America
Starfire
Raven
Mario
Luigie
Sebastian the Crab
Tim Cheveldae
Paul Coffey
Steve Yzerman
Bryan Murray
Yaddle
Jedi Knight #36-50
Snow Trooper #26-45
Blade
Ax-battler
Tyrius Flare
Gilleus Thunderhead
Joe Levine
Danny Ocean
Rusty
Linus Caldwell
Virgil Malloy
Turk Malloy
Yen
Frank Catton
Bashar Tarr
Saul Bloom
Livingston Dell
Rueben Tishkoff
Timmell
Immell #1-20
Cyborg
Elite Clone Trooper #21-40
Olif Golzig
Upgraded Agent #1-3
Wookie Soldier #31-50
Sledgehammer
Ape Soldier #1-25
Naboo Soldier #1-20
Death Adder
Starship Trooper #51-99
Sgt Mike Shinsky
Sandra Bullock
Shannon Pilkinton
Jared Pilkinton
Zombie #1 & 2
Ewok #49
Ewok #51
Theoden King
Peregrin Took
Eomer
Eomer's Men (The Rohirim) #1-6
Sandra O
Empty Roster Spots: 8
Vehicles
Speeder Bike
Tank
What's Going on in the Locker Room
Much like The Legion of Doom this team was in limbo for some time but they have been put under new managment and seem to have high hopes for the future. This team seems to have a lot of talent yet that did not prevent them from having an absolutely horrible seaon 1. With a good draft and a little patience this team could be a power house one day especially if they continue to hang onto the 20 Immells that have sat on their bench all season long. The empty genetic templates known as Immells will probably not be ready until the play-offs but they were interlaced and intermixed with the following gene templates:
Immell #1: Chuck Norris & Cyborg Superman
Immell#2: Batman & Tim Cheveldae
Immell #3: Robin & Bryan Murray
Immell #4: Yaddle & Paul Coffey
Immell#5: Steve Yzerman & Capt. America
Immell #6: Mega Man & Cyborg
Immell #7: Joe Levine & Gilleus Thunderhead
Immell #8: Shannon Pilkinton & Tyrius Flare
Immell #9: Jared Pilkinton & Ax-battler
Immell #10: Starfire & Jedi Knight #36
Immell #11: Raven & Jedi Knight #50
Immell #12: Capt. Malcom Reynolds & Danny Ocean
Immell #13: Zoe & Egon Spengler
Immell #14: Timmel & River Tam
Immell #15: Olif Golzig & Winston Zeddimore
Immell #16: Sledgehammer & Death Adder
Immell #17: Sebastian the Crab & Elite Clone Trooper #21
Immell #18: Ray Stanz & Wookie Soldier #31
Immell #19: Sandra Bullock & Zombie #1
Immell #20: Tony Stark & Jedi Knight #40
When these Immells are done growing in the Mimmell tank and are ready for battle they could end up being formidable opponents. The only mishaps that happened in this farely neat and tidy locker room (thanks to Head Coach Alfred Pennyworth) were when Sledgehammer was target practicing with his .44 Magnum and didn't know that Ape Soldier #20 was behind the wall he was shooting at. The high caliber bullet penetrated the wall and accidentally killed the damn dirty ape. Death Adder also got bored one day and killed Naboo Soldier #12 just to watch him die. The Watchers are predicting a big season for Iron Man. Reign Supremacy has 18 balls in the draft lottery (the most of any team).
Micheal Vick's Bad Newz Kennellz of Luv
(Formerly The Outsiders)
Head Coach: Bill Walsh
Roster
Ares
Mace Windu
Galactus
Nova
Apollo
Hercules
The Predicons
SkyLinks
Fin Fang Foom
Kup
Dark Jedi #11-37
Nazgul #2 (with his horse and Fell Beast)
Gimli
Scorpononk
Lord Zarock
Cliffjumper
Minwipe and Borath
Beast Wars Megatron
Grima Wormtongue
Blue Wizard #1
Micheal Vick
Barbarossa
Hrrm
Ajax
Twisted Mentat #1
Brandon Inge
Steel
Voldemort
Jack Baur
Marv
Curtis Manning
Jenna Jameson
Evil Dwarf #1-10
Dark Jedi Master #31-40
Beast Boy
Junkeon #1-10
Nightsister Sith Witch #1-20
Storm Trooper #101-144
Allosaurus #9 & 10
Balrog #1 & 2
Charlie Brown
Navy Seal #45-50
Navy Seal Chief Pettty Officer #14 & 15
Fremen #1-30
Justin Oblak
Red Dragon #11-30
Blue Dragon #1-30
Battle Droid #1-15
Thundarr the Barbarian
Ookla the Mon
Princess Ariel
Joe Frasier
Donkey Kong
Duncan Idaho Ghola #8
What's Going on in the Locker Room
Although this team got off to a rough start they seemed to come around towards the end of the season, and with some of the late and off-season pick-ups this team has made they seem to have quite a bit of promise despite the fact that they play in what is undisputedely the toughest division in all of Fantasy Fantasy. Through the good times and bad Head Coach Bill Walsh has done a great job of keeping this team together despite the fact that there best player spends almost all of his time up in space; barely acknowledging that the team even exists except for occassional visits from his herald Nova (the fact that Galactus can't fit in the locker room presents a problem as well). They have run into a few minor tragedies such as the time that Blue Dragon #8 got loose and ate Storm Trooper #112 or the time that Balrog #2 walked into the locker room for the first time and stepped on Battle Droids #1 & 11. The only other casuality was when Evil Dwarf #3 gave Nazgul #2 one of those Evil Dwarf stares that they are all so famous for and the Nazgul's Fell Beast bit his head off. The Watchers are predicting a big season for Mace Windu and a huge season for Jack Baur. Micheal Vick's Bad News Kennelz of Luv have 13 balls in the draft lottery.
The Legion of Doom
Head Coach: King Richard the Lionheart
Roster
Darth Bane
Paul Atreides
Metroplex
Weapon Omega
Apocylypse
Col. John Madrox
T-X
The Aerialbots
Jag Jaguar
Shadowcat
Lockheed
Walker: Texas Ranger
Sandman
Hobgoblin
Dr. Octupuss
Mysterio
Vulture
Electro
The Leprechaun
The Eradicator
Prof. Xavier
Gladiator
B.A.Barackus
F.A.C.E.
Murdock
Hanibal
Spawn
Ninja Gaiden
Sarah Connor
Queen Alien #1-10
Harry Tasker
Albert Gibson
Black Tom Cassidy
Shredder
The Terricons
Sith Lord #8
Vigo the Carpathian
The Blob
Goliath (the Gargoyle)
Gorilla Grodd
Kevin
Mighty Joe Young
Nemesis Enforcer
Bain
The Kracken
Shinobi
Yamamoto
Randy Couture
Bonk
Dilophosaurus #1- 30
Allosaurus #11-30
Wookie Soldier #1-30
Rebel Trooper #1-49
Linus
Mordor Horse #1
Tresure Troll #5
Ewok #50
Atreides Soldier #11-40
Uruk Hai #41-64
Empty Roster Spots: 19
Vehicles
None
What's Going on in the Locker Room
Confusion circulates this team as they all wonder whether or not they will be placed under new ownership or disbanded and removed from the league. The league has vowed to stay behind the Legion of Doom but many are hoping they will be disbanded simply because of the high number of very skilled players that are on this team. There have been quite a few accidents which should be expected when you have a Kracken and 60 dinosaurs to take care of. The only deaths that occurred from these were Wookie Soldier #26, Rebel Troopers #4, 11, & 16, Atreides Soldiers #19 & 38, and Uruk Hai #52. Uruk Hai #60 and Wookie Soldier #22 both ended up dead when a huge brawl broke out between the 2 groups (it was awesome you should have been there). The Leprechaun also killed Sith Lord #8 once with the hope that he would become Darth Bane's new apprentice but once The Sith Lord was brought back to life he realized that it was somewhat futile. The Watchers are predicting a big year for Metroplex. The Legion of Doom have 12 balls in the draft lottery.
The Syracuse Valley
Head Coach: Mcgruff the Crime Dog
Roster
Omega Red
Darth Maul
Casey Jones
Soundwave w/ Rumble, Frenzy, Ravage, Lazerbeak, Buzzsaw, & Ratbat
Master Chief
Leonardo
Michelangelo
Donatello
Raphael
Nightcrawler
Venom
Zit
Rash
Pimple
Star Fox
Sonic the Hedgehog
Tails
Bossk
Hammer Bros. #1-10
Boomerang Bros. #1-10
Fire Bros. #1-10
Giant Hammer Bros. #1-10
Little Goomba #2-63
Splinter
Alien Xenomorph #85-100
Tresure Troll #4
Kree Soldier #1-50
U.S, Navy Sailor #60-99
Moritani Soldier #1-15
Sith Lord #4 (Darth Rave)
Empty Roster Spots: 19
Vehicles
None
What's Going on in the Locker Room
Although this team got off to a decent start they basically fell apart as the season progressed. Mcgruff the Crime Dog perhaps did not have the experience necessary to undertake the job but the team still has faith that they can pull it together for next year. Under the leadership of Master Chief who has proven to be able to lead his team even in the toughest of situations, not to mention the lead by example methods of the two young yet impressive Sith Lords this team may have what takes to compete. An overly optimistic appraissal? Perhaps but hey how can't you have a soft spot for a team with Sonic and the Ninja Turtles on it. The Watchers are predicting a big season for Darth Maul and Darth Rave. The Syracuse Valley has 16 balls in the draft lottery.
Alice's Wonder Team
Head Coach: Micheal Corleone
Roster
Extinction Alice
Leeloo
Apocylypse Alice
Ram Man
Kimbo Slice
Tyler Derdon
Lucca Brazzi
Jill Valentine
Sith Lord #1 (Darth Deez)
Sith Lord #2 ( Darth Nutz)
Ewok #47
Goblin #1-90
Storm Trooper #50
Sharkticon #11-46
Vampire #1-95
Tresure Troll #3
Mummy #1-18
Empty Roster Spots: 18
Vehicles
Tank
What's Going on in the Locker Room
Head Coach Micheal Corleone was extremely disapointed with The Wonder Teams performance in season 1 but has assured all of his fans that he believes they disserve better and that the product will be better next season. Except for a few bouts of infighting between the goblins (most-likely prompted by Derdon and Slice) which resulted in deaths for Goblins #8 & 56 this locker room is suprisingly calm and in better spirits than one might expect. The Vampires have made a solemn vow to not kill or even suck blood from any one of their teammates but Vampire #40 did once kill and drink the little bit of blood he could get out of Treasure Troll #3. Afterwards he swore he had no idea that the troll was on the team and to be honest nobody was that bummed about it anyway so they just ignored the problem all together. The Wathchers are predicting a pretty big year for the Sharkticons. Alice's Wonder Team has 17 balls in the draft lottery.
Brock Sampson's Fighting Murderflies
Head Coach: King Leonidas
Roster
Guy Gardner
G'Nort
Howard the Duck
Booster Gold
Brock Sampson
Kyle Rayner
Beatrix Kiddo (The Bride)
Ted Nugent
Sandworm #1-13
Jedi Master #20
Ginaz Swordsmen #10
Greedo
Dorf
Jedi Youngling #39 & 40
Shatterstar
Hydro-Man
Juggernaut
Batgirl
The Planeteers (and that stupid monkey)
Jason the Red Ranger
Zack the Black Ranger
Billy the Blue Ranger
Trini the Yellow Ranger
Kimberly the Pink Ranger
Mystery Inc.: Fred, Velma, Daphne, Shaggy, & Scooby-Doo
Scooby-Dumb
Mecha Godzilla
Caramon Majere
Raistlin Majere
Rancor #1 & 2
Ewok #4-40
Blossom
Bubbles
Buttercup
U.S. Marine #1-100
Clone Trooper #26-80
Navy Seal Chief Petty Officer #10
Navy Seal #28-32
The Technibots
Ron Popeil
Empty Roster Spots: 10
Vehicles
Speeder Bike
Motorcycle
Go-Cart
What's Going on in the Locker Room
The Murderflies' locker room looks more like a port side bar meets malt shop than a small military headquarters but it does not seem to bother head coach King Leonidas. The only problem that they have run into is that they still have not found a great means of keeping the Sandworms happy without casualties. Their Sandworms are growing at a rapid rate and are creating a huge amount of melange but throughout the year it has cost them the lives of Ewoks #4, 12, 17, & 39, Marines #5, 25, & 86, as well as Clone Troopers #41 & 72. The rapid rate at which these sandworms have grown and harvested has created a situation where every single person on the team is quite intensely addicted to the spice making them move quicker, have better awareness, and in some cases give them the ability to see the future as well as some limited telepathic powers. The ability to harvest the melange has also been made much easier with the advent of the patented Ronco spice scooper which is available this one time only for the low low price of $15,999.92 but only if you call before you are done reading this paragraph. Ewok #5 was at one point sent away for some substance abuse counciling but at the request of the team was pulled out because he is a great means of comic relief for the whole squad (you haven't lived until you have seen a drunk Ewok with "blue within blue" eyes hide behind a Spartan King and try to convince Shatterstar that it wasn't him this time that put his sword in the toilet: Pricless. The Watchers are predicting a big season for The Power Rangers. The Murderflies have 15 balls in the draft lottery.
Hannah Montana & Barack Obama's "Best of Both Worlds" Touring Battalion of Commandos
Head Coach: Barack Obama
Roster
Dave Bowman: "The Starchild"
Buffy the Vampire Slayer
Spider Man
General Grevious
Qui Gonn Jinn
James Baldwin
Sgt. Apone
Lt. Gorman
Bishop 341-B
Corp. Ferro
Corp. Dietrich
PFC Hudson
PFC Spunkmeyre
PFC Vasquez
Pvt. Drake
Pvt. Frost
Pvt. Crowe
Pvt. Wierzbowski
Ellen Ripley
L'eon
Albus Dumbledore
Hannah Montana (or is it Miley Cyrus)
Harry Potter
Dr. Alan Grant
Agamemnon
Juno
Jack Crowe
Rick Deckard
Red Dragon #1-10
The Terminator (from T-3)
Jar Jar Binks
Allosaurus #1-8
Shawn Ferrel
V
Riggs
Murtaugh
Bryan Beckerman
Clone Trooper #100
Bizarro Superman
Swimmell
Jedi Master #21-30
Capt. Tarpals
Eowyn
HAL 9000
Warf
Gungan Soldier #1-50
Angel
The Cloverfield Monster
Trax
Willow Rosenburg
David Beckham
Lazarus Long
Xavier Harkonen
Dr. Doom
Juda Ben Hur
Xerxes
Tarful
Bail Organa
Bronze Dragon #1-20
Dante
Sydney Pouttier
John Turner
Brad Pitt
Angelina Jolie
Maddox
Pax
Zahara
Shiloh
Knox
Vivian
The Creature from the Black Lagoon
Azeem
Starship Trooper #100
Mrs. Doubtfire
IG-88
Zam Wessel
Metroid #1-18
Zandar
Tarra
Dorno
Zok
Igoo
Tundro
Gloop
Gleep
Frank Poole
Karallen
Chevell
Venus Williams
Serena Williams
Dora the Explorer
Back Pack
Boots
The Map
Vorian Atreides
Capt. Steven Hiller
Duncan Idaho Ghola #4
Prof. Henry Jones Sr.
Ellie Sattler
Acklay #1
Luminara Unduli
Barress Offee
Chow Yun Fat
Dozer #1
Tllaloc
Octane
Huma Dragonbane
Huma's Red Dragon
Black Dragon #15
Original Human Torch
Ms. Marvel
Maxima
Blue Beetle
Thomas Jefferson
Saladin
Sir Winston Churchill
Shortround
Bashar Miles Teg
Paul Atreides Ghola
Serena Butler
Erasmus
Muhammad Ali
Cole Sear
John Adams
Horse #12-15
Empty Roster Spots: 29
Vehicles
X-Wing
F-22
What's Going on in the Locker Room
After weeks of pestering from Dumbledor Qui Gonn put together a new Jedi Council similar to the one that he was never accepted into. It consisted of Qui Gonn, Jedi Masters #21-30, and Dumbledor (Qui Gonn insisted that if he had to do it than so did his buddy Albus). Three new team mates have been discovered, one being The Map which was found when Dora and Boots dug a little bit deeper into Back Pack (which prompted the entire locker room to break into "It's the map it's the map it's the map it's the map it's the Maaaaaaaaaaaap") and the others being Brangelina's 2 new children who were recently born into the Best of Both Worlds family. As you may remember from season 1 Azeem has a life Debt to Qui Gonn Jinn, Jar Jar has a life debt to Hannah Montana, and Gungans #1 & 2, as well as Capt. Tarpals all have life debts to Buffy. Gungan #44 has a life debt to both Sydney Pouttier and Starship Trooper #100 who held back John Adams who was trying to stab the gungan with a quill pen after they got into a ludicrous political argument. Politics are after all on the minds of every member of this team as they work tirelessly to help their head coach win the White House this November. The Watchers are predicting a big season for the teams newest addition Dr. Doom. The Commandos have 7 balls in the draft lottery.
The Right Wing
Head Coach: Governot Mike Huckabee
Roster
Poseiden
Silver Surfer
The Incredible Hulk
Sandstorm
Zues
Mr. Freeze
Flash
John Stewart
Blackfire
Storm
Kit Fisto
Snow Trooper #1-24
Duncan Idaho Ghola #6
Green Goblin
Phibian #11-20
Jedi Knight #16-31
Elite Strom Trooper #1-24
T-Rex #16-20
Athene
Ullysses S. Grant
Scrappy-Doo
Mac-ail Bakunin
Capt. Panaka
Batwoman
Army Soldier #131-190
Smurf #3
Ariel
Gondor Soldier #1-50
Agent #1 & 2
Jedi Padawan #1 (Gary)
Jedi Padawan #2-15
Jack Shephard
Goliath
The Wicked Witch of the West
Nick Houslander
Bear
Droid Fighter Ship #1-20
Slimer
Gold Dragon #10-15
Donkey Kong Jr.
Empty Roster Spots: 10
Vehicles
Speeder Bike
Go-Cart
What's Going on in the Locker Room
Kit Fisto has established quite a blooming young Jedi order with Jedi Knights #16-21 taking Padawans #2-7 as their apprentices, Knight #23 taking Padawan #8, Knights #26-29 taking Padawans #9-12, Knight # 24 taking Padawan #13, Knight #31 taking Padawan #14, and Knight #30 taking Padawan #15. Kit Fisto and the very skilled Gary (Padawan #1) have been progressing nicely as well, despite Gary's occassional lazy streak. Gondor Soldier #28 had a accidental yet nasty run in with Dr. Bruce Banner which resulted in the soldiers death, and Army Soldier #164 was and extra treat for T-Rex #18 when he accidentally tripped over a rock during a routine dinosaur feeding duty. But for the most part all seems to be going well for the Right Wing even with the looming dissapointment of barely missing the play-offs,but they have high hopes for next season and they do not think that they will run in to the same bad luck they expierienced in Seaon 1. The Watchers are predicting a more than solid season for Silver Surfer. The Right Wing has 11 balls in the draft lottery.
Sunday, September 21, 2008
Le' Napoleon Brigade
Head Coach: Napoleon Bonaparte
Roster
John Mclaine
Obi Wan Kenobi
Gandalf the Gray
Wonder Woman
Wonder Girl
Poisen Ivy
Morpheus
Sawyer
Emperor Palpatine
Jaws
Skyfire
Alan Scott
Jules Winfield
Vincent Vega
Man at Arms
Teela
Allia Atreides
Duncan Idaho Mentat Ghola #12
Jedi Knight #1-15
Aragorn son of Arathorn
Velociraptor #31-50
Jedi Master #31-40
Daniel Rousseau
Robin Hood
Little John
Scary Spice
Posh Spice
Baby Spice
Ginger Spice
Sporty Spice
Army Soldier #101-130
Catwoman
Evil Lynn
Skeletor's Crack Troops #1-15
Marcellus Wallace
Arwen Evenstar
Penguin
Dr. Juliet Burke
Desmond Hume
Ron Meyer
Lochness Monster
John Locke
Steven Tyler
Joe Perry
Tom Hamilton
Brad Whitford
Joey Kramer
Princess Leia Organa
Silver Dargon #1-15
Shadowfax
Jedi Padawan #28-29
Sith Lord #15
Storm Trooper #51-89
Lala
Snow Trooper #46-50
Jedi Padawan #23-27
Vito Corleone
Santino Corleone
Horse #26-45
George Jetson
Jane Jetson
Judy Jetson
Elroy Jetson
Astro
Rosey
Orbitty
Atreides Soldier #1-10
Karg
Mike Lowry
Marcus Brunett
Even Piel
Bo Jackson
Bo Shembechler
Kate Austen
Riddler
Hecate
Oscar the Grouch
Maverick
Goose
Andre the Giant
Big Boy
Fozzy
Princess Zelda
Courtney Cox
The Jolly Green Giant
Sprout
The Farmer
Padme Amidala
Carrie Bradshaw
The Sando Aqua Monster
Romeo
Juliet
Glinda the Good Witch
Empty Roster Spots: 4
Vehicles
X-Wing
Stealth Bomber
Tie Interceptor
What's Going on in the Locker Room
The Brigade has a very positve outlook for next season after winning The National League Championship, and there team seems to have a quite a solid base. The team is mostly run by Gandalf and the Jedi's with even Emperor Palpatine acknowledging how great of a job they are doing with the managing of the team (not that anyone believes him). Obi Wan Kenobi and Even Piel have even reformed their own Jedi Council which consists of the 2 of them as the Senior Jedi along with Jedi Masters #31-38, Allia Atreides, and Gandalf the Gray who has developed a great relationship with Masters Kenobi and Piel. Jedi Masters #31-33 have taken Padawans #25-27 as their apprentices, while Master #36 has taken Padawan #28 & Master #40 took Padawan #29: Their training seems to be going smoothly. Head Coach Napoleon Bonaparte has insisted that he has an active role in the council as well and is keeping a close eye on all involved. A few tragedies have taken place such as the deaths of Storm Troopers #51 & 66 along with Snow Trooper #49 & Lala who ran into trouble when they fell into the massive water tank that is kept within the walls of the huge locker room. Nobody is quite sure which of the 3 large Sea dwellers ate them but nobody was going to go in a find out. There were also some strange Jedi deaths which occurred early in the season but since Sith lord #15 has joined the ranks and was taken as the apprentice of Darth Sideous they have coincidentally stopped. Although the details were fuzzy it seemed that Jedi Knight #13 killed Jedi Padawan #24. The next week Jedi Knight #13 killed Jedi Knight #4, and the week after that he killed Padawan #29. After every one of these incidents which he claimed were always acts of self-defense it was decided that no action would be taken against him. What seemed strange to many of the team members was that Palpatine was for some reason present for every one of these "misunderstandings " and that he vouched for the young Knights pledged allegiance to the Jedi order. Many of the Brigade had no trouble believing this story at first and even thought it to be a good thing that the Sith Lord had developed such a "close friendship" with one of the Jedi but it became a little bit more troublesome the week before the new Sith Lord joined the team when Jedi Knight #13 as well as Jedi Padawan #25 were both killed by Palpatine when they tried to attack him in his sleep. Luckily for Palpatine he was forgiven of any wrongdoings because of the two eyewitnesses to the tragic event who were of course Even Lynn and Karg. Napoleon was ever so stubborn about bringing another Sith Lord onto the team despite the fact that it was actually the Jedi Council who were begging him to do so since they knew better than anyone that a Sith Lord must always find himself a new apprentice no matter the cost. Despite all of these problems it was not until John Mclaine stormed into Coach Bonaparte's office screaming: "What the F*&^, We got people being eaten by F(*&ing monsters guys, dying on the battlefield and your crying about bringing another F&%^ing Sith Lord on the team! Jesus Christ; its not like I give a S$%# about a couple of dead Jedi's but we got people dying every day and your wasting your time with this BullS&$%. Put a F&%$ing Sith Lord on the roster and be done with it!" Suprisingly, after that rant Napoleon actually brought on Sith Lord #15 and all has been fine since, not that anyone doesn't doubt that the Sith are up to something but at least they are playing well together for the time being? The Watchers are predicting a big year for both sets of newlyweds: Allia Atreides and her new husband Duncan Idaho #12 as well as Morpheus and Wonder Woman. Le' Napoleon Brigade has 3 balls in the draft lottery.
George Washington's Slaves
Head Coach: George Washington
Roster
Yoda
Kybuck
Optimus Prime
Jason Bourne
Fidel Castro
Sayid Jarrah
Cosmos
Collossus
Sauron
Al Dawg
Capt. Kirk
T-1000
Thor
Fizzle
Sgt. Slaughter
Red Dog
Mercer
Taurus
Admiral Ackbar
Santa Claus w/ Rudolf, Dasher, Dancer, Prancer, Vixen, Comet, Cupid, Donner, & Blitzen
Bebop
Rocksteady
Robert E. Lee
Jack Daniels
Jedi Master #1-19
Martian Manhunter
Suk Doctor #1-5
Spongebob Squarepants
Crash Bandicoot
Sonny (I-Robot)
Sandworm #15-20
Ancient Ginaz Swordsmen #7-18
Ginaz Swordsmen #1-9, & 17-19
Bender Bending Rodriguez
William Wallace
Cave Dump
Starship Trooper #1-50
Ki Adi Mundi
Zack Morris
A.C. Slater
Samuel "Schreech" Powers
Jesse Spano
Lisa Turtle
Kelly Kapowski
Hound
Jimmy Nuetron
Huckleberry Hound
Sonny Chiba
Ryan Poteracki
Amy Damico
Bill Clinton
Hillary Clinton
Moe
Larry
Curly
Jedi Youngling #1-38
Metroid #19 & 20
Jabba the Hutt
Gollum
Gonzo
Kamilla
Stewie Griffin
Brian Griffin
Peter Griffin
Meg Griffin
Lois Griffin
Chris Griffin
Roller
Wild Man #1-6
Fell Beast #1-10
Cthulu
Marty Mcfly
Beowolf
Ben Linus
Gargamel
Azrael
Wedge Antilles
Uncle Buck
Jerry Seinfeld
Elaine Benus
George Castanza
Cosmo Kramer
Alvin
Simon
Theodore
Dave Seville
Barney Fife
Andy of Mayberry
Rocky Balboa
Stonewall Jackson
Tony the Tiger
Shaak Ti
Frankenstein
Ryan Burke
Arisia
Ron Jeremy
Bilbo Baggins
Bart Simpson
Duncan Idaho Ghola #7
Bill Rieser
Lance Bean
Kyle Reese
Crimmell
Corbin Dallas
Wesley Willis
Yoshi
Empty Roster Spots: 5
Vehicles
X-Wing
F-22
Stealth Bomber
Go-Cart
What's Going on in The Locker Room
Patience....... For the Jedi it is time to win as well is what Yoda and head coach George Washington have been telling the players in the locker room. This is a team that has done an excellent job of preparing for the future by training a huge flock of Jedi Younglings under the tutelage of Master Yoda. But it may not just be future success that this team is looking for considering that the only 2 teams George Washington's Slaves have ever lost to are the two teams that squared off in The Universe Bowl. The locker room of this team is strong and structured, and moral is high as they go in to seaon 2. Yoda has even reformed the Jedi Council to include himself, Ki Adi Mundi, Shaak Ti, and Jedi Masters #1-7, as well as Martian Manhunter & Santa Claus for a new yet perhaps strange insight into the force. Unfortunetely Wild Men #1,3, & 6 did all lose lives at different times when it was their turn to feed the Sandworms, but this danger also had its positive points due to the fact that the members of this team have a slight addiction to the spice melange which is what is secreted by the Sandworms. This sounds bad, and at times can be dangerous but it has actually given The Slaves a hightened sense of awareness while also increasing their stregth and speed. George Washington, along with Yoda and Optimus Prime have made sure that no member of the team goes to far with this addiction but for the most part the side effects have been mostly good. The only other negative occurrences involved Fell Beast #8 who mistook Theodore (the chipmunk) for some food and swallowed him whole. This was also the same Fell Beast that a slightly mentally "influenced" Al Dawg thought was a llama which resulted in a death for him as well. The Watchers are predicting a big season for Jason Bourne. George Washington's Slaves have 5 balls in the draft lottery.
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)
Posts
