The Untouchables Vs. Brock Sampson's Fighting Murderflies

The Untouchables are Megatron, Deadpool & Legolas in a Land Speeder, The Insecticons: Bombshell, Kickback, & Shrapnell, & Sinestro (w/ his original Green Ring).

Brock Sampson’s Fighting Murderflies are Ewok #4-40, The Maxx w/ Julie, Ted Nugent, Etrigan the Demon, Brack, Dobby, Greedo, Ron Popeil, Howard the Duck, Lauren Michaels, Doc Brown, & Marine #1.


Head Coach of The Untouchables Commissioner Gordon actually called up Murderflies Head Coach King Leonidas and told him the following. “Your highness I am going to be completely honest with you I started a group of people who will in no way listen to any kind of plan so do yourself a favor and don’t try to over think what it is my team might be doing because even I have no clue”. King Leonidas’ reply was “Oh really, I do that every week”. Deadpool and Legolas are cruising around in their land speeder having one heck of a great time when Legolas says “Wade what matter of wizardry propels this land boat, I have never seen such an invention in all my thousand years”. Deadpool replies with “Oh, this old thing, it’s no big deal I used to ride around in these all the time when I was a kid growing up on Tatooine”. “Really” Legolas answers. “Oh yeah I used to drive around with my droids and, ya know fight Sand people, and then sometimes go hang out with old Ben beyond the Dune Sea”. Deadpool says. Legolas looks over at him truly amazed and says “That sounds like a great story”. Deadpool finishes off the conversation with “Oh yeah it was pretty awesome, they could make a whole trilogy about, but I digress, back to the land speeder. The only problem with this puppy is that ever since the new XP-38 came out they just aren’t in demand. Which reminds me of this other time when…………” Just then Brak jumps out in front of the land speeder and yells “Evil is here, Brak will destroy you! All Hail Brak”! Legolas yells “look out, make this thing stop”! “Deadpool yells in his best Jake Lloyd voice “I’m trying to stop I’m trying to stop”! They then hit Brak head on which kills the alien over lord and wrecks their land speeder. “Sorry about your land boat Wade, who was that guy anyway” Legolas says. Deadpool replies with “I don’t know but it’s a shame he’s dead I was about to start Hailing him as my new leader and everything”. Meanwhile Sinestro takes to the air in an attempt to find a worthy opponent while The Insecticons can’t find any Murderflies either so they just simply start burning the whole Jungle down. The 2 fellow inventors and newly made life long BFF’s Ron Popeil and Doc Brown round up all of the Ewok’s and tell them to take to the trees so they can start implementing some good devices for them to use: Ewok #3, the unofficial leader of the bunch responds with “moogoo ubdub gyuck yuck” which loosely translates to “Damn son it is hot as hell in this forest” which has nothing to do with anything that Doc Brown just told them. Sinestro from high above spots Etrigan hopping through the jungle down below. Sinestro flies down to surprise the Demon but right as he is about to make contact Etrigan whips around and punches the green lantern in the face. Etrigan then blasts him with some hellfire out of his mouth but Sinestro puts up a green energy field just in the nick of time. Sinestro then takes to the air once again to gain an advantage over the powerful demon. Etrigan rips out a tree by its roots and swings it at Sinestro but Sinestro dodges out of the way quickly and then slices the demon in half with an emerald blade. Megatron flies down and can’t decide who to blow up first so he goes with Julie. The Maxx truly believing that he is a mighty super hero climbs up a 3 ft. tall tree and jumps at the mighty Decepticon. The Maxx jumps face first into Megatron’s leg causing him to fall to the ground unconscious. The Mighty Megatron doesn’t notice this attack but if he had it would have been successful in pissing him off. Deadpool screams “Hey! Nobody humps Megatron’s leg except me”. The Merc with a mouth then jumps on top of the Maxx and shoots him 27 times, but afterward he does make sure to say to him “but dude, cool costume”. Ted Nugent and Marine #1 are sneaking through the forest having the time of their lives when they spot Legolas on the horizon. Deadly Tedly looks over at Marine #1 (the character not the helicopter the president rides in) and says “You take the ridge and all go down in the swamp, we’ll get that buck…. I mean elf”. But at that moment Legolas spots the 2 of them and begins running toward them. Ted and the marine (the common not John Cena) both start shooting at Legolas but he is simply to fast and ducks out of the way. Legolas then quickly scampers up a tree and fires off 2 arrows into their chests before Ted and the marine (hell at this point lets just call him Buck) can get their guns off. The Insecticons are mowing through the jungle having killed about 15 ewoks so far when all of the sudden an extremely inebriated Ewok #5 falls out of the tree and dies. This may sound unimportant but that particular ewok was supposed to cut the branch that would put the Popeil/Brown plan into effect. Oh well they will just have to wait for The Insecticons to make their next pass, so they do. This time Ewok #26 climbs the tree and then cuts the desired branch which sets a plan in motion that makes the end of Return of the Jedi not look even the least bit unbelievable, because this time not only do the ewoks crush huge machines with nothing but logs and rocks this time they do it with 1.21 GIGO watts. When Ewok #26 cuts the branch it drops a rock down onto another branch that flings an egg onto the head of Ewok #8 that causes a bird to land on his head and start eating it which then Ewok #3 hits off of Ewok #8’s head with a stick into a cardboard box which throws off the weight distribution on the pulley which was holding up the log which knocks into the windmill which generates enough of a spark to fire up the plutonic powered fire propelled log launcher TM (by Ronco: patent pending). Once turned on this device fires two (count em, not just one, two) huge logs right through the metal chests of both Bombshell and Shrapnell. In the meantime 4 more ewoks have fallen out of trees (those branches are slippery in this humidity) and the other remaining ewoks managed to destroy Kickback the old-fashioned Endor way. Dobby and Greedo, led by Howard the Duck have taken a position behind a fallen tree on the other side of The Untouchables camp. Howard gives the signal and Dobby starts blasting magical bolts at Megatron with Greedo backing him up with his blaster. Megatron turns into his gun form and then falls on the ground because there was no Decepticons left to catch him. A pissed off and embarrassed Megatron then transforms back and just blasts the 3 of them with his arm mounted cannon. Deadpool shoots a frightened Lauren Michaels in the head while he yells “this is for letting Piscopo leave the show”. The ewoks under orders from Popeil and Brown begin to put together a new device when Sinestro flies down and rips both Doc Brown and The Ronco founder in half with a beam of green energy. With their leaders gone the ewoks scatter which prompts Deadpool and Legolas to have an Ewok shooting contest. Final Score: Deadpool 6 Legolas 11.
THE UNTOUCHABLES ARE VICTORIOUS!

Michael Vick’s Bad Newz Kennelz of Lurv vs The Abomitrons

Michael Vick’s Bad Newz Kennelz of Lurv is Mace Windu, Black Bolt, Medusa, Gorgon, Karnak, Peter Petrelli, and Marv.

The Abomitrons are Hancock, Blade, Iron Monger, Commander Cody, Captain Rex, Elite Clone Troopers #21-24, Diddy Kong, Ewok #49 and Treasure Troll #27.

Both teams are teleported to the deepest, darkest part of the jungle of Val Verde. Commander Cody and Captain Rex take the Elite Clonetroopers to fortify their position. Diddy Kong leaps into the trees, where he’s more comfortable. Kennelz veterans Mace Windu and Marv lead their rookie squad of the Inhumans and Peter Petrelli down a hillside to battle The Abomitrons. They are forced to scatter by the Elite Clonetroopers’s gun blasts. But Gorgon stamps his cloven hoof on the ground and creates a small earthquake. The ground splits open from his mighty stomp and swallows Elite Clonetrooper #23, Ewok #49, and Treasure Troll #27. Marv rushes in and attacks all of the clones by himself. He kicks Cody in the chest, knocking him into Elite Clonetrooper #22 and then uppercuts Rex. Elite Clonetrooper #21 and 24 try and double-team Marv, but both receive a couple slugs in the chest courtesy of Gladys (which is what Marv calls his gun). Elite Clonetrooper #22 charges at Marv, but ends up having his neck broken. The valiant Elite Clonetrooper, known as “Double Deuce,” didn’t die in vain though, because while Marv was busy with him, it allowed Rex and Cody to blast him into next week. Hancock flies into the battle and immediately goes after Mace Windu. He’s about to lay the Jedi Master out, when he is smacked down to the ground by Medusa’s hair. “Oh you DID NOT just hit me with you hair?!?” yells Hancock. He is then ensnared with her powerful mane and is whipped into a tree. “Lady you are really PISSING ME OFF!” says and increasingly angry Hancock. He grabs a hold of Medusa’s hair and spins her around, launching her over a waterfall to her death. After seeing his wife killed, Black Bolt unleashes a sonic scream that annihilates the trees in his path, as well as sending Hancock a few hundred feet back. Blade back flips out of the trees and dropkicks Karnak to the ground. The Inhuman quickly jumps back up and engages Blade in a fierce bout of martial arts. They are extremely well matched, with block after block, counter after counter, leaving the two almost at a stand still. Hancock flies back into battle, now after Black Bolt. He’s interrupted again, but this time by Gorgon kicking him as hard as he can, square in the face. Gorgon stomps the ground again, but this doesn’t do much to Hancock, who has already taken flight again. He swoops in fast and hard, grabbing Gorgon and carrying him high up into the air. “Let’s see you stomp something now,” quips Hancock as he throws Gorgon back down. The Inhuman causes another earthquake, but this time it’s due to his body slamming into the ground. Peter Petrelli during this battle has been focusing on Hancock and has adapted his powers. Peter takes off towards Hancock at an incredible rate. But he has yet to gain control of these new powers and Hancock is able to easily evade him on his way back down to the battle. Mace Windu leaps out of the way from Iron Monger’s machine guns, then races straight at him. He uses his lightsaber to cut off the guns. Iron Monger knocks the Jedi Master down and tries to stomp on him. Mace barrel rolls out of the way and damages one of Iron Monger’s foot rockets. He then runs at him again. Obadiah Stane tries to activate the feet rockets on his giant armored robot suit to evade the charging Jed, but they malfunction and Master Windu leaps onto Iron Monger’s chest. He drives his lightsaber right through his Arc Reactor and Stane’s own chest. Peter Petrelli flies back down into battle, but still hasn’t quite mastered it yet. Hancock seizes this advantage and punches Peter through several trees, inadvertently killing Diddy Kong in the process. Cody and Rex have been keeping their guns focused on Mace Windu, who is blocking every blast with his lightsaber. Karnak and Blade have still been locked in an awesome hand-to-hand battle (seriously it’s cooler than the montage scene at the end of Karate Kid). Karnak spin kicks Blade’s glave out of his hand, but then has his legs swept out from beneath him by the Daywalker. Blade then pulls out his kitana, but Karnak finds the weak point in it at karate chops it right in half. He knocks Blade down and leaps into the air to deliver the kill blow. Karnak is surprised when he feels a silver spike driven into his side, right underneath his rib cage. Karnak folds to the ground as Blade gets up and leaves his worthy adversary. Mace Windu works his way closer to the clones and first cuts their guns in half and then cuts down the two Clonetroopers. (Don’t you feel like he should have said something like “Order 66 that mutha^#@!%$”?) Hancock and Blade regroup to formulate a battle plan. But before they can mount an offensive the remaining three members of the Bad Newz Kennelz attack them. Peter Petrelli flies in right at Hancock laying massive rights and lefts on his surly opponent. Blade fires several bullets at Mace Windu but the Jedi dodges them and stakes Blade in the heart with his purple lightsaber. Hancock gets the upper hand on Petrelli and puts him in a rear naked choke. “Black Bolt just do it!” shouts Peter. “Awww hell no,” says Hancock as he snaps Peter’s neck. Mace Windu looks at Hancock, points his lightsaber at him and says “Hancock this battle is…” Black Bolt interrupts Mace and screams “OVER!” as loud as he can. Hancock digs his feet into the ground and starts trying to advance on them. His nose, ears, and even eyes start bleeding from Black Bolt’s hypersonic voice. He slowly moves closer, but the sound is starting to be too much for him to handle. He drops to one knee, but gets back up, determined to get his team to 2 and 0. Hancock falls again, this time on both knees, right in front of them. Master Windu tells Black Bolt to stop. Hancock spits blood out of his mouth. He then looks up at them and says “Gotcha.” Hancock snaps his arm up and grabs Black Bolt by the throat, he starts to squeeze, preventing the King of the Inhumans from uttering even a whisper. Mace then plunges his lightsaber into Hancock’s chest, finally ending this fierce battle. “You ok?” asks an exhausted Mace. Black Bolt simply nods “yes” as they leave Val Verde.

MICHAEL VICK’S BAD NEWZ KENNELZ OF LURV ARE VICTORIOUS!

George Washington's Slaves Vs. Le' Napoleon Brigade

George Washington’s Slaves are Yoda, Wedge & R5-D4 in an X-Wing, Martian Manhunter, Neo, Trinity, Al Dawg, & Cosmo Kramer.

Le’ Napoleon Brigade is Wonder Woman & Wonder Girl, Poison Ivy, Gandalf the Gray, Guy Gardner (w/ Sinestro’s Yellow Ring), Aeon Flux, Ron Meyer, & Lala.


Last season’s battle between the big 2 of The Fizzle Divizzle led to the 4 game benching of Slave star and #1 draft pick Jedi Master Yoda and also led to the front line status of Martian Manhunter, but despite that past drama these two green warrior philosopher friends stand at each other’s sides in the dense Valverdi landscape as this battle begins. Wedge patrols the area in the only battle format he truly feels comfortable in, a cockpit. Wedge is a loyal soldier but he is not known for his fighting prowess outside of a starship, but now that he is able to help out his team inside an X-Wing his abilities are of great use. Neo & Trinity, despite being pulled from the festivities and traded from last years Universe Bowl Champions are excited about fighting alongside their new teammates. The Slaves calmly await the beginning of the battle, having no illusions that rival Head Coach Napoleon Bonaparte will have some stealth like plan awaiting when they are taken off guard by an intense battle cry. “AAAAHHHHHHHHHHHH! Why won’t you stay dead”! Screams the shovel wielding Ron Meyer as he rushes toward Al Dawg. Ron wasn’t about to make the same mistake as he did in the play-offs last year which is why he goes in for the kill early and takes out the man so fine that they buried him nine (times that is). Kramer, who had quite a bit of fun with the Dogg throughout the off-season becomes overcome with rage as he attacks Ron Meyer. “Where I come from you would be hanging from a tree with a pitch fork up your a**”! Cosmo says as he wraps a noose around Meyer’s neck and strangles the life out of Al Dizzle’s killizzler; but just then the first wave of the Brigade comes storming in. Kramer looks up just in time to make an insane face and yell something that sounded kind of like “BLAGGAGH” as Gandalf jacked him in his dome knocking him into the loosely dug grave of his buddy Al Dog forming the new Posthumous P’ N’ C Crew. Gandalf is followed closely by Wonder Woman, Wonder Girl, & Aeon Flux (with Lala on her shoulder) into the battle. The next wave is the organic mess that is thrust into the fray by Poison Ivy who remains behind her team morphing the entire Valverdi landscape to her will. Aeon Flux moves toward Trinity who instantly knocks Lala off her shoulder and then bicycle kicks the fur ball to its death without ever taking away from her amazing pink cuteness. Neo shoots a crap load of bullets at Gandalf and friends but the Gray Wizard and the amazon princess block them with their respective staffs & wrist bands. Martian Manhunter than squares off against Gandalf instead with Neo attempting to take on both Wonder Woman and Wonder Girl at once. Yoda somersaults out of the way of this pending battle and starts to run and jump his way through the attacking foliage so he can make his way to the root of the problem (get it) Poison Ivy. Despite the fact that Poison Ivy got the best of him last time the little green Jedi is not afraid as he ducks and dodges her initial attacks. He knows that it is his duty to fight this opponent and it in no way has anything to do with any kind of revenge factor after what happened last time (after all Jedi don’t take revenge they only return). Meanwhile high above the landscape an intense dog fight has begun between Guy Gardner and Wedge. Guy Gardner with his gift of flight is an extremely small target and much more maneuverable than an entire ship but Wedge is after all one of the most skilled X-Wing pilots in the galaxy. Guy Gardner continually tries to hit the ship with blasts of yellow energy but the Rogue Squadron pilot dodges every one of them. Wedge blasts Gardner with some of his high powered lasers but Guy gets a yellow energy field up just in time to block any of the projectiles. Guy Gardner then finds himself in front of the fast moving X-Wing which is a position he in no way likes so he flips around in mid-air and once again begins chasing the ship. The former green lantern then focuses all of his energy into one big blast toward the X-Wing. Wedge takes evasive action but the blast does still make slight contact which takes out R5-D4 (which is a real bummer because Santa Claus just fixed his motivator last week). Wedge barely gets his ship out of the way when the proton torpedo that he had fired a couple seconds earlier makes contact with its small unguarded target (good thing Rogue Leader Luke taught him how he used to bulls eye wamprats in his T-16 back home). Back on the ground Yoda is only about 10 feet away from Poison Ivy as he continues to jump his way through the tangled mess of organic assailants when Poison Ivy once again traps the little Jedi as she causes a root to rip out of the ground beneath him and grab a hold of his legs. Over the last 800 years Yoda had taught countless Padawans and Younglings; always instructing them that the art of lightsaber throwing is actually not an art at all. It is simply a move of an overzealous attacker. He always taught that the lightsaber in the hands of a skilled Jedi can defend against hundreds of opponents when a thrown lightsaber can only defeat one. The thought of how many times he has said that over the years is what brings a smirk to the face of the trapped Jedi as he throws his green lightsaber right into the heart of Poison Ivy not only killing her but also causing all of the greenery around him to go back to its normal dormant form. Aeon Flux does not truly realize how mismatched she actually is against the former computer nerd as she attempts a forward flip over the top of Trinity. Trinity then jumps into the air feet first and kicks the Monican spy in the stomach. Once down on the ground Trinity brings a powerful heel kick down onto Flux’s face which kills her on impact. John Jonnz and Mithrandir continue their battle with each other when the Manhunter tries to establish a mental link with the wizard. Little does the last surviving Martian know that Gandalf has had his fair share of fighting off powerful mind control. This momentary mental link that the 2 of them share ends up being the down fall of Martian Manhunter as it is revealed to Gandalf what he must do to defeat the Martian. The powerful Jonzz knocks Gandalf down with a kick to the stomach but once down on the ground The Gray Wizard conjures up a simple fire spell which he uses to ignite the foliage around him and consume the Martian in his own weakness. Neo is not doing as well as he had hoped against his 2 attackers when Wonder Girl makes a critical mistake in her attack. She had done a great job of following Wonder Woman’s lead thus far in the fight but when she went in to soon for Diana to deliver her big blow it left her open to a fierce karate chop to the neck from Neo that killed Wonder Woman’s side kick in an instant. Wonder Woman was then overcome with rage as she moved toward Neo who went on the defensive blocking her attacks as best he could. This burst of hate-fueled energy that Wonder Woman was allowing herself may have been enough to defeat the chosen one if Trinity did not show up just in time to help out her boyfriend/shipmate. Trinity jumps into the fray making a mistake similar to that of Aeon Flux, when she jumped in she figured that Wonder Woman had a significant amount of strength but she underestimated her speed as the amazon pulled her down onto the ground and snapped her neck. Neo, now just as angry as Wonder Woman hits the amazon with a lightning fast flurry of kicks and punches that finish her off. Gandalf pulls himself up to square off with Neo when Yoda comes running in to help out his new teammate. Gandalf knew immediately that he would have had quite a good shot at defeating either one of these opponents one on one but with the 2 of them working together he was simply outmatched. Gandalf rushes toward the 2 Slaves with his staff in one hand and his sword Glamdring in the other but he is dispatched fairly quickly when Neo blocks his staff attacks with his bear hands allowing Yoda to dodge a swing from Glamdring and remove the wizard’s head.
GEORGE WASHINGTON’S SLAVES ARE VICTORIOUS!

Better Than All of You vs The Right Wing

Better Than All of You is Mephisto, Predator #1 & 2, John Rambo, Jedi Guardian #1, and Army Soldiers #1-5.

The Right Wing is Silver Surfer, Quinlan Vos, Red Sonja, Donkey Kong Jr., Jack Shephard, The Pantheon: Hulk, Agamemnon, Achilles, Ajax, Andromeda, Atalanta, Cassiopea, Delphi, Hector, Paris, Jason, Perseus, Prometheus, Ulysses I and Ulysses II.

The Right Wing is teleported to an open clearing in the middle of Val Verde’s jungle, when without warning, Paris, Hector, Jason, Cassiopea, and Prometheus are all killed with a variation of bullets, arrows and strange energy blasts. Then the trees in front of them catch fire. Hulk claps his hands together and puts the fire out, but the trees are quickly engulfed in flames once again. Delphi is yanked high up into the trees by some mysterious force. The Right Wing hears Delphi scream in agony for a moment, before there is complete silence. The Right Wing race into the trees, since they are obviously sitting ducks out in the open. Silver Surfer takes to the skies to get a better vantage point of the battlefield. The smoke from the burning trees is making it increasingly harder to see, let alone breathe. Silver Surfer flies in at mach speeds, which puts the fire out and sucks the smoke away with his sheer velocity. By doing this, he also reveals Better Than All of You’s position. “Attack!” yells Agamemnon, just before he yells “Arrrrggg!” due to an arrow that was shot into his chest courtesy of John Rambo. Donkey Kong Jr. leaps from tree to tree and catapults himself off a branch onto the Army Soldiers below him. Donkey Kong Jr. smashes a barrel over Army Soldier #3’s head, breaking his neck. (Don’t ask me where he got a barrel from, that damn dirty ape always has one.) He attacks the four remaining Soldiers, and manages to maul the face off of Army Soldier #1 before the other three pump enough bullets into him to take him down. The team of Red Sonja and Quinlan Vos jump in and finish off the three Soldiers. Sonja tosses Jack Shephard one of the Army Soldier’s guns. Achilles, Andromeda, Ajax, Perseus, and Atalanta all form up and trek through the thick foliage. A net that was fired from what seems like nowhere takes down Achilles. It wraps around her, constricting until it cuts through Achilles, killing him. Perseus, in shock, leans up against a tree for a moment, but has her throat cut open by Rambo, who was hiding behind it. Atalanta and Ajax double team Rambo and knock him to the ground. They hear faintly at first, but getting louder and closer “hhhuULLKK SMASH!!” as Hulk comes crashing down, stomping Rambo into the ground. Hulk leaps away looking for more enemies. Ulysses I and Ulysses II join Ajax, Andromeda and Atalanta but are shot at by something in the trees. Atalanta fires one of her pure energy arrows back into the tree. Her shot is true; it strikes Predator #2, damaging his invisibility cloak and knocking it out of the tree. The Predator is impaled on a broken tree after he falls. The Pantheon members go to finish the Predator off, but when they get there, they hear him mimic Hulk and says, “Hulk smash,” as he’s coughing up neon green blood. Predator #2’s arm gauntlet starts beeping like a countdown and before any of them can react, it sets of a self destruct bomb that destroys everything in its radius. Mephisto teleports behind Master Vos, Red Sonja and Jack Shephard and uses his demonic magic to vaporize Jack. Silver Surfer swoops in and fires his cosmic energy at Mephisto, but he teleports away before it hits him. Jedi Guardian #1 leaps out of the trees and attacks Quinlan Vos. This match up of lightsabers isn’t much of one at all, as Master Vos makes quick work of the Guardian. They hear something else jump out of the trees, but don’t see anything. Predator #1 turns off his invisibility cloak to reveal himself. Red Sonja attacks him with her sword, but Predator #1 blocks it with his retractable claws. They engage in a ridiculously bloody duel. The trees are splattered everywhere with both bright red and neon green blood. When the dust and leaves settle, it’s hard to see whom actually has the upper had. Both combatants are injured badly. But Hulk comes in and decides to just end it himself, by grabbing Predator #1, ripping him in half. This makes no difference to Red Sonja, who has just simply lost too much blood at this point. Mephisto reappears and blasts Hulk with some magic, which turns him back into Bruce Banner. He tries to blast him again, but Quinlan Vos blocks it with his lightsaber. Silver Surfer flies in and hits Mephisto in the back with a powerful blast of cosmic energy. Then Master Vos does this sweet spin move and decapitates Mephisto with his lightsaber.

THE RIGHT WING IS VICTORIOUS!

Team Sleeping Pussy Vs. Alice's Wonder Team

Team Sleeping Pussy is Banshee, Thunderbird, Baron Mordo, Unus the Untouchable, Blink, Master Mind, & Shield Agent #1.

Alice’s Wonder Team is Extinction Alice, Apocalypse Alice, Alice, Alice Clone #1-3, General Zod, & Dixie Kong.


“So I understand that the 2 of you are the best of the best on this pathetic team that I have taken over”. Gen. Zod says to both the Extinction and Apocalypse Alices as they are first transported to the Valverdi jungle. “We have had some bad luck in the past Zod, but don’t think our team is ready to just hand over the reins to the likes of you, We’ve sacrificed a lot for this team and we’ve earned their trust, so you can just wait your turn rookie”. Extinction Alice proclaims. “We shall see” Zod replies arrogantly and then follows the comment up with “follow me everyone or should I say all members of Zod’s Wonder Team” as he hovers above the ground and starts to move stealthily thru the jungle around them in search of Team Sleeping Pussy. They have little luck finding the team when all of the sudden the sudden the entire team appears right behind them via Blink’s powers of teleportation. Banshee flies in to the mix first attempting to disable Team Sleeping Pussy’s opponents with his sonic scream but it is not quite as effective as he hoped. It sends Alice and Donkey Kong to their knees but the mental powers of the other Alice’s and the sheer durability of Zod protect them from much more than a brief stunning. Thunderbird and the SHIELD Agent then rush in to help Banshee who is about to be attacked by the Alice clones while Baron Mordo and Blink begin teleporting around Zod to try and throw him off guard. Extinction Alice decides to attack Unus the Untouchable but her bullets, kukri swings, and even mental projections are blocked by Unus’ force field. Apocalypse Alice gets into the mind of Master Mind and causes him to slow down and remain still while she runs up and attacks him with some vicious kick attacks; or so she thinks. Actually it is Master Mind who is controlling her and she is actually attacking Zod. Apocalypse Alice is so convinced that this is the perfect course of action that she does not even think twice as a confused Zod defends himself from his own teammate by ripping off her head. Master Mind then takes control of Alice whom he sends after Extinction Alice. Alice lunges at her much better prepared and equipped counter-part with a vengeance but Extinction Alice simultaneously dodges this attack and then creates a mental link between herself and the original Alice. By doing this she breaks into the mental link that was originally established by Master Mind. She sends a mental projection rippling through the field which actually translates into a physical attack resulting in the explosion of Master Mind’s brain by the use of both her own and his extreme mental powers. Ex. Alice is about to stand for a second looking both hot and triumphant like she always does after defeating an opponent but her sense of triumph is short-lived when she looks down and realizes that Alice did not survive the attack either. Alice Clone #1 unloads a full magazine at Banshee but Banshee gives out a sonic scream that diverts the bullets before they can hit him. The other 2 clones see this disabling defense take place which causes Clone #3 to attempt to attack Banshee with her Kukra. Banshee uses his sonic scream to knock her back onto the ground but in the process her attack opens up Banshee for another bullet attack from behind. Alice Clone #2 also unloads a full magazine at Banshee but this time the bullets penetrate the back of Banshee and kill him. The hit that Clone #3 took from the mutant attack sends her right into the arms of Thunderbird who crushes her as if she were made of cheap plastic. Clone #1 throws her Kukri toward the face of SHIELD Agent #1 while she attempts to exact revenge on Thunderbird but the clone underestimates the well-trained agent who covers Thunderbird like he was instructed and blows away Alice #1 right before the kukri hits him in the face. Gen. Zod and Ex. Alice get turned around in battle which causes Zod to find himself face to shield with Unus. But no matter how hard the Kryptonian pounded on the force field he was unable to penetrate it. He found that both his powerful breath and heat vision were just as useless against as well. Alice Clone #2 faces off against Thunderbird in a fast-paced hand to hand combat match. Clone #2 dodges and parries as Thunderbird attempts to connect with some massive punches and kicks that could easily knock down a brick wall if they were to connect. Thunderbird then sweeps the legs out from underneath his much smaller opponent and clenches his fists together in order to bring them down onto the clone’s neck but in the middle of his downward motion Alice #2 takes advantage of a split second opening and shoves her kukri blade up underneath the soft underside of the mutant’s chin which kills him instantly. Baron Mordo is fighting fiercely with Ex. Alice while Blink is throwing her crystals around at the surrounding trees teleporting the center out of them and creating a falling tree zone around Zod, when the recuperated Dixie Kong and Alice Clone #2 come to the aid of their 2 disputing team captains. The battle becomes an out of control melee with everyone fighting everyone else when Baron Mordo blasts Gen. Zod with an attack spell that sends the mighty Kryptonian down to the ground. Ex. Alice runs over to Zod in what looks like a simple chance for her to gloat but once in his vicinity she reveals to him her plan. She tells him that if they could simply find a way to get Blink to open up one of her teleportation portals in the right place than perhaps they could get Unus to fall into it. Zod then pops up and starts flying around the area at an amazing speed while Ex. Alice along with Alice #2 keep Baron Mordo busy with some really cool looking kung fu moves. Dixie Kong, who has been telepathically told the plan by Ex. Alice also starts swinging around the trees. Blink kicks the ape down to the ground but then is knocked to the ground herself by Zod. Zod then quickly moves back in front of Unus as Blink throws 2 of her crystals at him. Zod just barely moves out of the way as the 2 crystals land next to him. The crystals teleport away the ground around Zod who is unaffected by this due to his ability to fly but Unus the Untouchable, whose force field was still unpenetrated by the attack falls beneath the ground around him and in to a dimension of imminent doom. Baron Mordo summons up 2 demons from the netherworld to help him in his battle against Ex. Alice but Alice #2 and Dixie Kong fend them off while Ex. Alice continues to battle with Dr. Strange’s old classmate (and now due to the newest trade with the Horsemen, new teammate as well). This seems to be a great move but Mordo is slowed down by the need to focus so much of his power on controlling the 2 creatures that he is defeated by something as simple as a .40 caliber bullet to the head from the flipping Ex. Alice. Lucky for worn out Alice Clone #2 & outmatched Dixie Kong who were not coming out on top of their own battle: when Mordo, died the 2 demons returned to the world they came from. A triumphant Gen. Zod lands in the center of the fray to receive accolades from his lesser teammates and says “if this 2nd straight win does not prove my imminent superiority and the turn around that I have provided for this team, then what does” when Blink, the character that he duped and then evidently forgot about comes rushing out of the brush with 2 crystals drawn ready to attack Zod. With her arms drawn back ready to attack she to is taken off guard when Ex. Alice jumps out of the tree above her wrapping her leg around Blink’s neck as she comes down and then cracking it as they both hit the ground. Zod finally decides to turn around as Ex. Alice is flipping up and saying “your welcome”. Zod in a brief yet profound second of humility states to Ex. Alice: “perhaps we can both be team leader".
ALICE’S WONDER TEAM IS VICTORIOUS!

The Brotherhood of Evil Midgets vs Pop Superstar Hannah Montana and President Barack Obama “Best of Both Worlds” Touring Battalion of Commandos

The Brotherhood of Evil Midgets is Count Dooku, Darth Yardigan, X-23, Mighty Mouse, Usagi Yojimbo, Nightwing on a 4-wheeler, Gwildor, Wicket, & Paploo on a AT-ST, Carlos Chiappe and Smurf #2

Pop Superstar Hannah Montana and President Barack Obama “Best of Both Worlds” Touring Battalion of Commandos is Black Adam, Bizarro, Parallax, Cloverfield Monster, Mrs. Doubtfire, and Gungan #10 on a 4-wheeler

The Brotherhood of Evil Midgets is teleported into the thick jungle of Val Verde, where Count Dooku quickly orders X-23 and Nightwing to go and scout the area. Nightwing drives off on his 4-wheeler as X-23 goes off in the opposite direction. Gwildor, Wicket and Paploo climb aboard their AT-ST and stand guard of the Sith Lord and his new Apprentice. Several thousand birds flee the treetops due to a loud and horrendous roar from the distance. Paploo and Wicket freak out in the AT-ST causing Gwildor to lose control of it for a moment and steps on Smurf #2. The trees start shaking in the air and the Brotherhood gets a glimpse of their opponents. The Cloverfield Monster is leveling the Jungle with ever step it takes closer to them. “Follow me, I am an expert in this area!” shouts Carlos Chiappe to his team. They race through the jungle to form a battle plan against the huge creature. X-23 meanwhile, has located the rest of the Commandos. Gungan #10 is patrolling the perimeter on a 4-wheeler. X-23 silently back flips off a tree and sticks her foot claw right under the Gungan’s jaw. She kicks him off of the ATV and takes off back to her team. Once she tracks and locates them, she informs the rest of the Brotherhood that their battle will be harder than originally thought. “They brought their heavy hitters with them. I spotted Black Adam, Bizarro, and Parallax on their team,” stated X-23. “Lucky for us, Parallax is a fear entity and the Sith do not fear anything,” replies a confident Count Dooku. “Good, I thought for a second that I was going to have to kill that team all by myself,” says X-23. She then turns to Mighty Mouse, “can you fly me up to Cloverfield’s head?” Mighty Mouse doesn’t even take the time to respond. He grabs X-23 by the hand and takes off. They fly straight at Cloverfield, but before they manage to attack, it swallows them whole. The rest of the Commandos then blast through the jungle, attacking the Brotherhood. Carlos Chiappe surprisingly is the first to hit the Commandos back. He grabs a tree branch and viciously beats Mrs. Doubtfire to death. Bizarro then slaps the Peruvian maniac hard against a tree, shattering his bones, but before he dies, Carlos mumbles “my…body…nooo.” Bizarro had taken to Mrs. Doubtfire in the locker room because she would read him bedtime stories. Darth Yardigan and Usagi Yojimbo have disappeared amongst the trees, using their stealth to their advantage. They both quickly and secretly kill several of the parasites that have fallen off of Cloverfield. Bizarro begins to wildly knock down the trees in an attempt to flush out the Brotherhood. Count Dooku and Black Adam draw each other’s attention from across the battlefield. Dooku fires some Sith lightning at him and at the same time Black Adam yells “SHAZAM!” thus bringing down a massive lightning bolt upon the Sith Lord. They both are sent sailing. Parallax comes flying in, sensing great fear from inside the AT-ST. Gwildor tries to shoot Parallax down, but misses completely. He then grabs the cosmic key and frantically starts pressing keys on it. A portal opens up right in from of the AT-ST causing Parallax to fly right into it. But before it closes, Parallax grabs the AT-ST into the portal with him. The portal opens up and they all land in… Val Verde. Or at least the Hollywood back lot that is made to look like Val Verde for the upcoming movie, Commando 2: Jenny’s Revenge. (“Somewhere, somehow, someone’s going to pay…again.”) Parallax rips open the AT-ST and eats Paploo and Wicket. Gwildor tries to make a run for it, but not only is he killed, but when his body is thrown into Alyssa Milano it activates the cosmic key. Parallax leaps back into the portal and disappears. Anyways, back in the real (yep. REAL) Val Verde, Usagi Yojimbo has climbed up on top of Cloverfield and starts hacking away at it with his katana. Bizarro swoops up and attacks the ronin rabbit. Usagi breaks his sword against Bizarro’s chest and then is frozen by Bizarro’s freeze vision. Bizarro then in one swift punch, shatters Usagi. Cloverfield then lets out a painful howl and stumbles to the ground. Its head literally explodes and out comes, covered in blood and slime is Mighty Mouse. Cloverfield’s stomach is then ripped open from the inside out by X-23. Darth Yardigan joins Count Dooku in his attack against Black Adam, but is having trouble with him, due to their inability to fly. Dooku then comes up with a plan to remedy this problem. He focuses intensely on Yardigan and uses the Force to levitate his apprentice into the air. He gives Yardigan a huge force push, sending him rocketing towards Black Adam, lightsaber drawn. Teth-Adam just floats there arrogantly, and at the last second yells “SHAZAM” again firing an even bigger bolt of lightning into Darth Yardigan, killing the Sith Lord. Count Dooku foresaw this possible outcome, so he launches X-23 right behind Yardigan with the Force. Black Adam did not expect this second wave. He certainly didn’t expect the lightsaber that is now plunged deep into his chest. Dooku had given X-23 his lightsaber before he sent her up. As Black Adam and X-23 fall from the sky, Adam grabs a hold of X-23 and uses the last bit of strength to increase their rate of decent and sends them crashing into the ground. X-23 is badly injured by the fall and Dooku uses the Force to retrieve his lightsaber. Mighty Mouse is zipping around Bizarro, landing several quick hits to the backwards Superman. Normally these would be devastating blows, but Mighty Mouse is simply outmatched. Bizarro finally has had enough and with a powerful clap, he crushes Mighty Mouse. Nightwing finally enters the battle. He rides in on his 4-wheeler and launches it into the air at Bizarro by using a fallen tree as a ramp. Bizarro blows his fire breath at the gas tank, causing it to explode. Luckily Nightwing flipped off of it in time. Though her healing factor is working in overdrive, X-23 is still not 100 percent, but is determined to keep fighting. Count Dooku joins Nightwing and the injured clone of Wolverine to finish off Bizarro. Just then, the cosmic key portal appears and Parallax returns to the battle. Parallax fires a massive blast of yellow energy at the Brotherhood but Count Dooku Force pushes his team out of harm’s way. He retaliates with some Sith lightning right at the sentient embodiment of fear. The blast stuns Parallax as Nightwing and X-23 try to defeat Bizarro. The two Brotherhood members confuse and disorientate Bizarro with all of their flipping and acrobatics around him. But their kicks and punches are having little effect. X-23 claws aren’t able to penetrate Bizarro’s skin and Nightwing’s batarangs are simple bouncing off him. Nightwing does a back flip over him, grabbing his cape and pulls it around his head. But Bizarro just uses his fire breath to burn through the cape. He uses his super speed and grabs X-23 by the neck and legs and bends her right in half with his super strength. Bizarro then flies at Nightwing and uses X-23’s body as a spear, impaling Dick Grayson into a tree, like they were camp counselors. Count Dooku now is left in a two on one against Parallax and Bizarro. He has been able to keep Parallax at bay with Sith lightning, but Bizarro comes flying in fast, right at the Sith Lord. Dooku senses this attack and pulls his lightsaber out allowing Bizarro’s momentum to do most of the work. The now two halves of Bizarro go sailing out of control into some trees. This distraction however is exactly the opening Parallax needed. He lunges at Dooku, biting his head off. The headless body of the Sith Lord crumples to the ground as Parallax shrieks in victory.

POP SUPERSTAR HANNAH MONTANA AND PRESIDENT BARACK OBAMA’S “BEST OF BOTH WORLDS” TOURING BATTALION OF COMMANDOS ARE VICTORIOUS!

ANNOUNCEMENT:

Legion of Doom has gone under a name change. From now on they will be known as...

BREAKING NEWS!

We here at Fantasy News Network were just able to reach Horsemen of Apokolips member Grand Jedi Master Luke Skywalker for a comment regarding Head Coach Washington's response to the "A.L. Call to Arms". Here what he had to say.

"I was very taken back by what Coach Washington said earlier this week, especially about what he had to say about myself and my General Manager. I admit some of my statements were not very "Jedi-like" and I do sincerely apologize for them. It was a heat of the moment thing. I was not trying to dog the N.L. and say that they aren't an elite league either. I would have been honored to fight for any one of the National League teams. But to accuse me of "turning to the dark side" is simply unacceptable. When I was drafted this year, it was explained to me that I was going to have to "put up" with a lot of trash talking from the N.L. teams. Which to be perfectly honest to me, was quite upsetting. And at the same time I thought to myself, "How true is this? Am I only hearing one side of the story?" So I did my research. Do you know what I found? A lot from both sides. Sure the A.L. is guilty of slinging their fair amount of mud, and it's true that there were some underhanded tactics during this year's draft by some A.L. teams, that were quite embarrassing. But if you go back to last year's original announcement (2/11/08) of where the teams were going to be playing and in which division they fought in, you will find that two N.L. General Managers fired the first shots. I am all for competition, why else would I be in this great league. But there is a huge difference between healthy competition and just plain bad-mouthing. I foresee that if this continues to happen, it will only be a detriment on the Fantasy Fantasy League as a whole.

I have just spoken with my General Manager, and he has informed me that he, along with the GM of The Untouchables will be having a Summit this weekend with the GM's from both George Washington's Slaves and Le' Napoleon's Brigade, in hopes of resolving this situation.

I would like however to applaud the National League teams in that they do have undying love and loyalty to their fellow teams, I just hope that in the future they can show that same love to us here in the A.L. And I certainly understand that we here in the A.L. have some issues to deal with as well. Thank you."

Chris Artrip Division (The Fizzle Divizzle)

Nick Houslander Division

Bryan Beckerman Division

Ryan Poteracki Division

National League Press Conference

The press conference, requested by general manager Artifact of GWS, is set to begin and all the reporters are waiting patiently. The anxious crowd is excited for the first ever press conference called by this relatively quiet division champion from 2008. Expecting to see Yoda and possibly Martian Manhunter, many of the reporters are stunned when Head Coach George Washington himself emerges and steps on stage. Following closely behind him is newly elected President Barack Obama, head coach of the Nick Houslander Division Champion "PSHMAPBOBOBWTBOC". Joining the two onstage is Wonder Woman from "Le' Napoleon's Brigade", Silver Surfer from "The Right Wing", Rob Van Dam from "Better than All of You", Brock Sampson from "Brock Sampson's Fighting Murderflies", Magneto from "The Brotherhood of Evil Midgets", Rayden from "The Syracuse Valley", and Walker Texas Ranger from "The Legion of Doom".


The crowd stirs a bit before quickly quieting as the nation's first president steps to the podium. George Washington momentarily stares at the microphones attached to the podium with a confused look on his face before beginning:

"Ladies and gentlemen, thank you for joining us today. After the press conference held by the Horsemen of Apokolips on Tuesday, the National League felt it necessary to issue a formal response with a member of each team present. Our apologies to Ms. Wilson, GM of The Legion of Doom, an attempt was made to reach her for comment but she was unavailable. Walker: Texas Ranger has graciously agreed to join us today on behalf of their team."

He continued,

"True league love is more than just saying a little phrase or smiling when you are around your fellow owners. It’s about truly enjoying the people you play against. We here in the National League do not need to remember to be nice to each other because we don't get mad at other people for mentioning things like "Car Voltron" in the first place. We also don’t go off-list at the draft and take the “Veronica Mars Detective Agency” only out of spite toward another team (a NL team I might add).

What we share is a mutual respect for each other in the NL, and also for all of you in the AL, that I just don't see the American League establishing long term. Now please understand me when I say that I do truly wish the best for all of you and I hope the face of the AL can change to one of friendship and love. President Barack Obama has graciously agreed to help you all on your road to change. And also, anything that we in the NL can do to help you all, we will be glad to help. Furthermore, we would like to acknowledge that there are some very respectful teams in the AL that get lumped into all this trash talk because of a few bad apples, and to those teams, I apologize... on behalf of your fellow league mates. One of the main reasons for our doubts is that it didn't take GM Ryan Poteracki long to turn his newest recruit, one of the purist Jedi, to the dark side. Luke couldn’t even make it through a press conference without bashing the NL and saying how the AL is the “elite league” and how they are so much better than us.

Now I know the second season is still fresh, we just believe you all may still be riding high on TEAM’s victory from last year. While the AL might boast and argue that the "best teams" are in the American League, they do only get to send one team to the finals, and we cherish the opportunity to send our best against your best this spring to try and take that title from you.

Thank you all for coming. May the force be with you. May God bless America. And always, ALWAYS - NL for Life."

With those closing comments, the National League filed off stage together accepting no questions from the crowd.

"Heroes Without Homes" Fundraising Event

"Pop Superstar" Hannah Montana and President Barack Obama's "Best of Both World's" Touring Battalion of Commandos' are holding their first fundraising event for their "Heroes Without Homes" charity organization. The "Heroes Without Homes" organization has been created to help those heroes who have been left undrafted or as some call them, "Unwanted", find a place in this world.

It was unsure to everyone at first where these supposed "unwanted" heroes were going to go when the league began just over a year ago, but as Commandos head coach and leader Barack Obama puts it, "It is the ugly problem that everyone of us as turned a deaf ear too since we started all of this". That does not seem to be the case anymore for Obama though, as he and several other of his Commandos have vowed to do everything in their power to fix this "Grave Injustice". Several members of the Commandos have dedicated their time and effort to raise money to create housing and jobs for these unfortunate victims of circumstance.

"Maybe it's that some teams are just not willing to make room for new members", fellow Commando Angelina Jolie said, "I mean, I know that even though our roster is supposedly full, we still have plenty of room in our house. I am starting a petition to increase the roster size on every team from 270 to 350." This seems like a steep measure that the Academy Award winning actress is asking for but as her partner Brad Pitt says, "The more the merrier in my opinion" the Benjamin Button star stated, "In my house, there is always room for one more".

Hannah Montana is also part of the organization and this weekend is showing her support for the cause by appearing in person at the group's first fundraising event. Ms. Montana along with several un-named members of the Commandos are going to be at Merri Bowl lanes in Livonia, MI this Saturday, February 28th to raise funds and awareness for the cause. "I just think it's so sad to have people, animals or what ever they are just living out on the streets. Y'all just don't know how good you have it until you see how bad it is out there for some of those folks", a passionate Hannah Montana said. "I urge everyone out there with the means to do so to help us out this weekend, we are going to need as much as we can get".

It is unclear whether or not more teams will support Ms. Jolie's petition or "Heroes Without Homes", but it is apparent that the Commandos and their organization are here to stay. For more information about the event or about the organization please go to the website, www.heroeswithouthomes.blogspot.com. "We are just trying to help out anyway that we can", stated Mr. Obama who left me by saying, "Remember, just because you are not super, does not mean you can't be a hero". With that he was off, to continue the work that he and his Commandos are hoping will not fall on deaf ears as well.

Fantasy Fantasy Press Reporting

Week One Standings

Week 2: Deathmatch

Setting: Valverdi
Points: 200
Prize: Ferrari

-Built Ford Tough Vs. Beckerman's Backyardigans: Beeyatches (for a GTO)
-The Brotherhood of Evil Midgets Vs. Pop-Superstar Hannah Montana & President Barack Obama's "Best of Both" Worlds Touring Battalion of Commandos (for a 456 GT)
-The Untouchables Vs. Brock Samspon's Fighting Murderflies (for a F-50)
-Better Than All of You Vs. The Right Wing (for a 328)
-Team Sleeping Pussy Vs. Alice's Wonder Team (for a 456 GTA)
-The Horsemen of Apokolips Vs. TEAM (for a 360 Modena (and the little brown laser))
-The Abomitrons Vs. Michael Vick's Bad Newz Kennelz of Lurve (for a Testarossa)
-The Syracuse Valley Vs. The Legion of Doom (for a 308)
-George Washington's Slaves Vs. Le' Napoleon Brigade (for a F-40)

Michael Vick's Bad Newz Kennelz of Lurve Vs. TEAM

Michael Vick's Bad Newz Kennelz of Lurve are Anakin Skywalker & Ahsoka Tano, Kid Deadpool, & Charlie Brown.

TEAM is Set & Jace.


For those of us that were sorely disappointed by the fact that Ford Field was to be a dome without a retractable roof; we can now rest easy. Because once Set was placed inside of Ford Field it took only a matter of seconds for the 7 headed serpent to turn it into an open air stadium that is so exposed to the weather that it makes Lambo Field look like a hermetically sealed box. Anakin looks up at the building sized competitor he will be facing in his first ever FFL match and says “I’ve got a bad feeling about this”. He then adds after he looks over at his team for the week “What am I a general or baby-sitter, come on snips lets go, and bring your playmates”. They duck into an alley where Anakin patiently lets the force tell him what there best course of action will be against the behemoth that they are being forced to fight when Ahsoka points out to her master the dorky looking guy buzzing around on a jet pack. “I guess I should go take care of him first” General Skywalker says to his team, but Kid Deadpool says “General, let me take care of him while you guys begin the attack on Set”. “Master we’re going to have to learn to trust our new team, if we are going to be successful” says Ahsoka. “Alright, have it your way Snips. “Hey Kid Deadpool, be careful out there and umm take Chuck with you”. “I won’t let you down sir” Kid Deadpool says as he races off toward an unsuspecting Jace eager to make a name for himself in the FFL. Kid Deadpool puts on his night vision goggles (even though it is broad daylight). He then begins to sneak up on Jace with Charlie Brown following close behind, but Jace sees them coming and valiantly flies in toward his attackers. A very uneventful fight ensues which ends with Kid Deadpool stabbing Jace in the chest. The Pool Boy then turns to Chaz Brown and in true Deadpool form says “Man, and I thought that guy was useless when Space Ghost was around”. Charlie Brown then stares at him blankly and says “Good Grief”. Meanwhile Anakin & Ahsoka are climbing up the rafters of Ford Field trying to find a way to attack Set (excuse me they are simply finding a way to attack Set, Jedi don’t try they do). Anakin leaps right into the center of the giant Serpent and runs straight up one of his 7 extensions. When he reaches the top he sticks his lightsaber underneath the mouth of Set and then slowly pulls the lightsaber thru the thick skin of the beast until he successfully cuts off one of Set’s heads. Set lets out a horrific noise from his remaining 6 heads which shatters every window in Comerica Park and sends chills down the spines of everyone around while Ahsoka regroups with Kid Deadpool and Charlie Brown at the top of Ford Field, where they are going to attempt to follow Anakin’s lead in removing Set’s heads 1 by 1. Despite the creature’s insane flailing from side to side Anakin makes an amazing force leap from Set’s stump to the next nearest head that even many of the most skilled Jedi Masters in the galaxy could not make. Ahsoka and friends are about to make a move onto the nearby head when Set crashes down on the platform they are standing on. Ahsoka not only jumps out of the way but also manages to force push Charlie and Kid Deadpool into safety as well but she loses her lightsaber in the process. As Ahsoka jumps onto the nearby head with ease Charlie Brown picks up the padawan’s lightsaber. Kid Deadpool follows Ahsoka’s lead and barely makes the jumps onto the back of Set’s head. Charlie Brown with his amazing athleticism tries it next but does not even come close to hitting the target. But in a valiant and unselfish move Charlie Brown does throw the lightsaber back to Ahsoka before he plummets to his doom. Ahsoka in an attempt to emulate her master’s move sticks her lightsaber into Set and begins cutting. Kid Deadpool pulls out his katana to help with the process but as the scourge of Atlantis begins flailing Deadpool’s former sidekick is unable to hold on and he is sent flying off into the distance. Anakin has already removed another head and made his way onto a 3rd one when he sees Ahsoka flung from the head she was attacking back onto the platform she was on before. Anakin feels a disturbance in the force which alerts him to the fact that this match is not going as well as he would like but before Set’s damaged head can attack Ahsoka; Anakin rips off the half cut head with a fierce force push. Anakin can see that his padawan is not yet as capable of these ridiculous deeds which is why he yells to her that she needs to get to safety and that if he doesn’t succeed in removing these heads that she needs to retreat. “But master, Jedi never run from a fight” Ahsoka screams back to her master. Anakin replies with “Fine than when you become a Jedi you can practice that, but until then a padawan’s job is to listen to her master”. Anakin realizes that this huge monster is getting wise to his course of action but he can foresee no other way to accomplish his goal. The Jedi Knight then once again sticks his lightsaber into the head he is standing on while he thinks to himself that if he can just kill this head than he is more than half way to his goal of killing all 7 but Set in an act of instinct rather than intelligence lunges his other 3 heads at Anakin ripping apart its own 4th head but swallowing Anakin whole as well. “Nooooooooo” Ahsoka yells; but despite her reluctance she force leaps back down onto the street and like any good padawan obeys her master as she retreats from the fight with Jedi speed.
TEAM IS VICTORIOUS!

PRESS CONFERENCE:

Horsemen of Apokolips members Supergirl and Grand Jedi Master Luke Skywalker have called this press conference today. Reigning Regular Season M.V.P. Supergirl enters first, followed closely behind by the 2009 Number One overall Draft Pick, Luke Skywalker.

"Thank you all for hearing us today," begins Supergirl. "This is a call to arms to the entire American League. We here in the Horsemen locker room are sick and tired off this constant badmouthing coming from the National League teams. All we hear day in and day out is "N.L. Love" "What do you expect from the A.L. No love for their fellow teams" Well I say ENOUGH!”

Luke Skywalker steps to the microphone to add to Supergirl’s comments. “I’ve only been in this league but for a short time, but those who know me would agree that I would never agree to join a team let alone a league that does not strive on respect. The American League is the elite league. Don’t get me wrong; the National League is stacked with amazing teams. But the A.L. is the cream of the crop. The teams in the A.L. have had their differences in the past, but we here in the Horsemen locker room are calling them out to join together and show the National League that not only were they wrong say the things they did but they will regret ever doing so.”

Supergirl then jumps back up to the microphone to add, “I don’t care who you are, Megatron, General Zod, Captain America, Brandon Inge, everyone! This is the time to show the National League just what we’re made of! Thank you.”

The Brotherhood of Evil Midgets vs Built Ford Tough

The Brotherhood of Evil Midgets are Superboy (Conner Kent), Gwildor, Raichu, Skimmell in an Exo-Suit, and Toad with a Go-Kart.

Buit Ford Tough is USAgent, Failed Jedi #1, and Grapple.

In their first ever Regular Season match, the Brotherhood of Evil Midgets teleport to Detroit. Or at least that’s what they thought. “Gwildor! This isn’t Detroit. It’s Windsor! Look, there’s Cheetah’s (meow) right there. We’re in Canada!” shouts an irritated Superboy. “I’ve had to sit by and watch both Superman and Supergirl dominate this league for an entire year, and I’ll be damned if some Thenurian with a faulty Cosmic Key is going to keep me out of action any longer!” “Whoa, dude. Don’t you think you’re being a little harsh on him? I mean Detroit’s right across the river,” asks Skimmell. “Ehh, you’re right Skim. Sorry Gwildor, I’m just a little anxious,” replies Superboy. “Oh no harm, no harm. Just hit an extra key that’s all. Nothing to worry about,” says Gwildor. Superboy then grabs Gwildor and Raichu and flies across the river to Hart Plaza. Toad jumps into his Go-Kart and Skimmell transforms this Exo-Suit and they head to the Ambassador Bridge to get across the Detroit River. Shortly after Superboy lands with Gwildor and Raichu in tow, USAgent and Grapple show up to Hart Plaza. “Grapple, have you seen Jerry yet?” asks USAgent. “Nope not yet,” replies Grapple. Superboy spots their opponents and doesn’t waste any more time. He flies in and dropkicks Grapple into the Dodge Fountain, which causes it to rupture and spray water all over Grapple. Raichu then fires a massive arc of electricity that completely fries the Autobot’s internal circuitry, extinguishing his spark. USAgent launches his shield at Gwildor, who narrowly escapes it, but it ricochets off of the Hart Plaza stage and comes right back to decapitate Gwildor. USAgent snags the shield out of the air and spin kicks Conner Kent in the mouth. Superboy fires his heat vision at USAgent, but he blocks it with his shield. Jerry, Failed Jedi #1, finally shows up to the fight. “Oh we started already??” asks a surprised Jerry. USAgent is too busy fending off Superboy to even respond to such a ridiculous comment. Just then, Skimmell and Toad come peeling in and try to take out Jerry. Even though he didn’t pass the trials, the Force still flows through Jerry and he senses this attack. He does a back flip over them and uses his training lightsaber to damage the engine on Toad’s Go-Kart. Toad goes spinning out of control and smashes into a light post, popping all three of his balloons, thus killing him on impact. Raichu tries to light up Jerry with his electricity, but the Failed Jedi blocks it with his small lightsaber. However, this distraction does allow Skimmell to transform his Exo-Suit and blast Jerry in the back, knocking the Failed Jedi down. Superboy grabs USAgent and launches him up onto the stage. He then looks over at Skimmell. “Dude, Skimmell, where have you been??” “Oh sorry, we got stuck in customs at the border,” responds the clone of Tim Cheveldae and Alan Trammell, only with 10% less fat. USAgent then launches his shield at Superboy, who snaps around and catches it in mid air. Conner then uses his super strength to bend the shield in half. Superboy then flies over to USAgent and shoves the halved shield right into his chest. Jerry sees this and feels it’s best to head back to the locker room.

THE BROTHERHOOD OF EVIL MIDGETS ARE VICTORIOUS!

Better Than All of You Vs. Brock Sampson's Fighting Murderflies

Brock Sampson’s Fighting Murderflies are Jay & Silent Bob w/ Suzanne, Ted Nugent, Hellboy, Speedy Gonzalez, Sarah Palin, & Ron Popeil.

Better Than All of You is Green Lantern & RV-D1 in an X-Wing, & Sagat.

*NOTE* (To make this match even somewhat enjoyable to read, it is an absolute must that while reading The Murderflies dialogue you do you best to mentally imitate each individuals voice). Thank You -The Watcher.



Sagat is by himself sitting in American Coney Island enjoying a Greek salad and a glass of water & waiting patiently for the battle to begin while the entire Murderfly clan is right next door at Lafayette Coney Island getting to know one another on a more personal level. “Hey Silent Bob pass the mustard, and don’t spray it all into your mouth on the way over here ya fat a**, and what you starin at me for Suzanne, you think just cause you’re a monkey you can stare at people all day, have a coney and shut the F*&$ up, if your gonna stare at somebody stare at the huge red dude across from us”. “Watch your mouth skinny or I’ll shove this beer can into it” Hellboy says as he crushes his can of Labatts and gestures to the cook to bring him another one. Jay replies with “Sorry sirs were just staring at you cause you remind us of being back home in Jersey” (Silent Bob nods). “And not just cause of the hockey team, but you kind of look like Silent Bob’s mom….. BONG”! Governor Palin chimes in with “This is so fun, this reminds me of the diners we hang out in back home in Alaska. After fishing we…” Uncle Ted interrupts with “Sorry to interrupt the most electable person since a clone of Abraham Lincoln ran along side Teddy Roosevelt but has anyone ever seen a more hellacious coney eater than me. I am like the natural casing king ready to devour any Coney that comes my way. It is damn good that every person in this city knows that when the motor city mad man comes back to town you get the coney grills fired up because I am gonna eat em up before the libs can take them away from us. The only thing that would make these coneys taste better is if I had been the one that God hand selected to have kill this animal so it could be served up to the greatest individual amongst the greatest species of creature on the greatest planet in the greatest Universe that God created. I don’t even know how many of these puppies I’ve inhaled yet but if these 4 empty plates in front of me aren’t proof that God loves me more than anybody else than I don’t know what is”. Ron Popeil is about to make a funny comment about how Suzanne is chasing Speedy around the table in a restaurant that says no pets allowed on the door when he sees an opportunity for a sale. “Hey Ted do you want to purchase one of my reusable magic napkins, they are good for about 150 uses, they are easy to store and much greener than using paper napkins, you can have one now for only”… Ted interrupts once again by saying “green, don’t preach green to me pal, I was being green way before the libs made it cool, in fact I’ve been green so long that I’m turning back to copper. I became green so long ago that they didn’t call it green yet because they hadn’t invented the color spectrum”. “Hells Yeah” Jay interjects just simply because he is so impressed at a person who can go on talking about something useless even longer than he can. He begins to finish off Deadly Tedly’s rant with “Yeah b*&^ches he doesn’t just have a green thumb he’s got a 12 inch long green” ……. Just then the door of Lafayette Coney Island swings open and a ripped, shirtless, 7 ft. tall Thailander by the name of Sagat walks in. “Are we going to start this fight or am I supposed to wait for that food to clog your arteries and kill you before I get the chance”. “Who’s Capt. Laughs” Speedy Gonzalez says in 1 second flat. “That’s Sagat, Haven’t you losers ever played Street Fighter” Jay says while Silent Bob nods yes and points at him. “He actually doesn’t appear until Street Fighter II, and isn’t a playable character until Street Fighter II Turbo” Sarah Palin adds. “How the s**t does that hot chick know Street Fighter. Palin replies with “It was in my neighborhood Laundry mat back home in Alaska, Ya’ know I’m just a regular Joe like everybody else”. Hellboy breaks up the conversation and says “Well while you guys discuss this I’ll step outside and take care of ugly”. Hellboy and Sagat then go crashing out the front window pounding on one another. “Hellboy is right, we should get outside and join the fight”. Uncle Ted says. (Minutes later) ……. The Nuge screams “Everybody take cover”! As a green coated X-Wing comes swooping in low between the buildings on a strafing run. “We’ll handle this” Jay yells defiantly as he and Silent Bob ignite their Blunt Sabers and rush into the fray followed by Suzanne. They stand firm but it does little good as Hal Jordan mows them down with a flurry of Photon Torpedoes from his X-Wing. Sagat hits Hellboy with a couple nasty drop kicks but Hellboy manages a good jump/duck combo to get out of the way of Sagat’s flying parenthesis (or whatever those things are that he shoots when you hit down, toward, high punch; and then down, toward, low kick). Hellboy then pulls out his gun and blasts Sagat right in his scarred up chest to finish what Ryu started and kill off The Street Fighter. Hellboy then races to the top of Greek Town Casino with a series of impressive jumps and then crazily jumps out toward the flying X-Wing in an attempt to land on top of the flying ship as Jordan whipped around slowly to do his next strafing run. But when he does Green Lantern banks the ship hard to the left out of the way and then pops out of the cockpit leaving RV-D1 to fly the ship in its current course. While out of the ship Green Lantern flies toward the free-falling Hellboy and sends a huge green hand to first punch him, then grab a hold of him then launch him into the air, where he is then disintegrated by a powerful burst of green energy. By the time he is hit by this attack Hal Jordan is already on his way back to the ship where RV opens up the cockpit for him to jump right back inside. Ted Nugent and Sarah Palin grab their rifles and take cover behind a fallen bill board to lend some cover fire for Ron Popeil. Ron Popeil and his assistant for the day Speedy Gonzalez wheel out his newest invention The Ronco building launcher which he built especially for this city match. Ron just simply sticks the flattened metal end (weighing only 40 pounds) and sticks it under any weak spot under any building’s foundation. With a simple flick of a switch The Ronco Building Launcher *(Patent Pending) easily throws the building (which it is guaranteed to do with any 30 story or less building) directly at the desired target (it’s O.K. to clap now) in this case being the attacking X-Wing. The machine works perfect on its very first time, but unfortunately the building is simply destroyed when it hits the protective green energy field that Green Lantern has put around his X-Wing. Ted Nugent turns to Sarah Palin and simply says “crap” as Hal Jordan’s X-Wing blows up their entire hiding spot (bill board and all). Ron Popeil looks around for his buddy Speedy as he pulls out his flexible collapsible portable and storable jet skateboard from his backpack in order to escape the battle but he then notices that Speedy is already about 20 feet ahead of him; on the way home.
BETTER THAN ALL OF YOU ARE VICTORIOUS!

POP-SUPERSTAR HANNAH MONTANA & PRESIDENT BARACK OBAMA’S “BEST OF BOTH WORLDS” TOURING BATTALION OF COMMANDOS VS. THE RIGHT WING

I have been appointed by my brethren Joshatu and Ryatu to watch the following Year 2, Week 1 Match: Pop-Superstar Hannah Montana & President Barack Obama's "Best of Both Worlds" Touring Battalion of Commandos vs. The Right Wing.

Before the match, I shall enter the MGM Casino, now known as the locker room for the Commandos. The Commandos are Dave Bowman - The Starchild and Steven Hiller in an F-22 Fighter Jet.

Steven Hiller: Ready to rock and roll this match, Davey. My fighter’s on top of the casino so I’ll meet you out there.

Bowman: Yes, you will.

I then enter the Motor City Casino, now known as the locker room for the Right Wing. The Right Wing is The Pantheon: Incredible Hulk, Agamemnon, Achilles, Ajax, Andromeda, Atlanta, Cassiopeia, Delphi, Hector, Jason, Paris, Perseus, Prometheus, Ulysses I, Ulysses II and Elite Storm Trooper #1

Agamemnon: My friends. . . Let us listen to Delphi and Andromeda.

Delphi: I see that the surroundings we are about to be transported to will allow us to utilize all of our skills.

Andromeda: We shall band together, as we have in the past and valiantly fight today.

I transport the combatants to the Greektown neighborhood.

Members of the Right Wing rush to their positions on top of the various cafés, taverns and restaurants with their respective weapons, waiting for the Commandos to show themselves. Atlanta has his energy bow drawn. Perseus grips his energy spear. Hector has his energy flail in hand. Jason has weapons in each hand. Both Ulysses I and Ulysses II have their swords and shields drawn, ready to pounce on the first Commando to show himself. Finally, Elite Stormtrooper #1 has his laser rifle drawn.

Andromeda, Delphi and Paris are instructed by Agamemnon to gather into the Laikon Café. The three will use their “second senses” to assist their teammates in the upcoming battle.

Dave Bowman slowly walks down one of the main Greektown streets. He has not yet been noticed by the Right Wing, but he senses the various members’ locations and smiles. Bowman uses his “star powers” to communicate with Steve Hiller’s F-22. The combatants look to the sky and see the fighter scream across the sky.

Hiller: Okay guys, let’s give you my rendition of flaming cheese! [Hiller releases a rocket from his jet that explodes into the Laikon Café]. Opa!!!!

Andromeda, Delphi and Paris are blown to bits as the rocket leaves the Café a burnt husk. Hiller flies the jet back to the area after his first pass and his equipment allows him to see his teammate Bowman on the verge of being ambushed by Atlanta, Perseus, Hector, Jason, Ulysses I, Ulysses II and Elite Stormtrooper #1.

Hiller: Can’t have you stand on your own Bowman! Poppy’s gonna bring you a tossed Greek salad of Pantheon parts.

Hiller’s jet launches a full air strike, knowing that Bowman will survive the event. The buildings that the Pantheon teammates are on explode are instantly incinerated. Brick, mortar and steel spray throughout the entire battlefield. There is nothing left of all who were on the buildings. Atlanta, Perseus, Hector, Jason, Ulysses I, Ulysses II and Elite Stormtrooper #1 are dead.

Seeing their comrades fall so early on, Agamemnon, Ajax, Achilles, Hulk and Prometheus regroup in the Cyprus Taverna.

Agamemnon: He is but a man in a plane! Most of us are on the verge of being immortals! We kill him and we kill him now! Then, we destroy Bowman!

The remaining Right Wing combatants take to the streets, with their focus on Hiller. They scatter to different locations, but near enough that they can converge upon the unsuspecting Hiller. Hiller is in his cockpit and switches to infrared to see his enemies. He notices two signatures and lowers the plane to ground level. He wants to have a chance to use his guns too (killing things with bombs and rockets does the job, but not necessarily as fun). He only sees Agamemnon and Cassiopeia.

Hiller: Beauty and the Beast. How fitting to destroy you at the same time.

Just as Hiller is about to spray his guns, Ajax and Hulk land on the wings of the plane and begin to rip the wings’ plates off. Hiller attempts to rectify the situation by rocking the fighter back and forth, but is unable to knock the two off. Hiller then attempts to raise the plane. It is too late. The damage is done and his plane crashes the final few feet to the ground. Although the distance is not that far, Hiller is still jarred.

Hiller jumps out of the cockpit. He sees Bowman walking toward the situation and knows that if he can get to Bowman he will be safe. He does not make it. Achilles manages to catch Hiller first. He carries Hiller to Agamemnon.

Agamemnon: I destroy civilizations for fun to pass time and you, a mere human in his toy, manages to take out most of our team. . . a senseless pity.

Hiller: Why don’t you put me down and we’ll see how many others I can take out.

Agamemnon: I don’t think so. [He snaps Hiller’s neck like a twig].
Bowman is now only a couple hundred feet away from the remaining Pantheon members. The Pantheon stand their ground and are ready to fight. Cassiopeia uses her energies and strikes Bowman from the front. The energy dissipates near Bowman without explanation. Hulk and Ajax then take action and rush at Bowman from either side.

Hulk: Hulk smash!!!!

Ajax: You killed Atlanta!!!

As they reach out to pulverize Bowman, Bowman transforms into a “ghostlike” entity. Not able to stop, Hulk and Ajax hit each other with such force, the two knock themselves silly. Bowman then disappears.

Prometheus: My tracking sense shows that Bowman is. . . there! [He points to a newly formed Bowman].

Bowman looks at his enemies and tilts his head in recognition of what he must do. Hulk and Ajax begin to gain their senses. Achilles, Cassiopeia and Agamemnon form a battle line. Hulk and Ajax join them. They will strike Bowman with everything they have. The next thing they know Bowman warps reality and transports the remaining Pantheon members to a location yet to be determined. Although Hulk, Ajax, Achilles, Cassiopeia and Agamemnon survived the match, they lose the battle.

Agamemnon [looks at his surroundings and screams]: BOWMAN!!!!!!!!

Bowman wanders back to the MGM Casino. Although food is something from the past he will still enjoy Wolfgang Puck cooking his signature dishes.

POP-SUPERSTAR HANNAH MONTANA & PRESIDENT BARACK OBAMA’S “BEST OF BOTH WORLDS” TOURING BATTALION OF COMMANDOS IS VICTORIOUS!!!