I have been appointed by my brethren Joshatu and Ryatu to watch the following Year 2, 1st Week Playoff Match: George Washington's Slaves vs. The Right Wing
As I look into the locker room for The Slaves, I see Wedge Antilles and Admiral Ackbar in The Shuttle Tyderium, Captain Kirk in an Arwing, George Washington in an Exo-Suit, John Connor in an Armored and equipped Hummer, Amazo, Arisia, King Kong, Loki, Martian Manhunter, Neo, Optimus Prime with Roller, Sandworm #15, T-1000 and Yoda.
Captain Kirk: We. . . must. . . win. . .this. . .battle. . .for. . . our. . . illustrious. . . owner!
John Connor: Quit the dramatics Kirk! We’ll be back. . . for the next round of the playoffs!
Yoda: Confidence you have Connor to win this fight. Confidence that must be bestowed upon all on this team.
Loki: Confidence. . . and a little bit of trickery too, for trickery never hurts.
I look into the locker room for The Right Wing and notice Silver Surfer, Hulk, The Pantheon: Achilles, Agamemnon, Ajax, Andromeda, Atlanta, Cassiopeia, Delphi, Hector, Jason, Paris, Prometheus, Ullysses I and Ullysses II in a Hovercraft, Shintor Beerus in an Ornithopter, Gold Dragons #10 and 11, Quinlon Vos in a Tie Bomber, Warpath, Red Sonja, Darth Malak, Red Tornado, Sandstorm, Martin Blank, Poseidon, Baby Storm and E.T.
Hulk: Hulk smash Slaves!
Malak: Smash and slash!
Martin Blank: Rock and roll!
I transport the teams to the multi-purpose and functional battleground. It consists of a desert, a superior lake, grasslands and a forest, all mere miles between each other.
In the desert. . .
Due to the threat of the Silver Surfer (and the fact that he was the MVP for the 2009 FFL Year), the Slaves focus on the herald of Galactus. Sandworm #15 breaks from the ground and surprises the Surfer. The Right Wing is shocked to see that the Surfer is swallowed whole in Sandworm #15’s maw. The Surfer is no longer seen. The Right Wing stands together in horror at their MVP’s defeat and death.
Hector: Do NOT let the Surfer’s death go unavenged! RIGHT WING!!!!
In the forest. . .
King Kong sees Gold Dragons #10 and 11. The great ape roars and attacks the fantastic beasts. Before Gold Dragon #10 is able to release its fiery breath, Kong grabs the dragon by the neck and chokes it to death. Meanwhile, Gold Dragon #11 is blowing fire and singing the fur of Kong. The smell of burnt hair lingers in the air. Kong loses the use of his left arm due to the damage of Gold Dragon #11. Before Gold Dragon #11 is able to finish Kong off, Captain Kirk in the Arwing, flies by and destroys the Gold Dragon #11. In response, the Pantheon’s hovercraft floats into the forest realm. They focuses on the ape, which is already injured. Ulysses II steers the hovercraft, which holds the entire Pantheon members. Atlanta has his energy bow drawn. Perseus grips his energy spear. Hector has his energy flail in hand. Jason has weapons in each hand. Both Ulysses I and Ulysses II have their swords and shields drawn. Andromeda, Delphi and Paris use their “second senses” to assist their teammates in the upcoming battle against Kong. The combined Pantheon force is too much for King Kong who succumbs to the repeated blows of the Pantheon’s weaponry.
In the desert. . .
Sandworm #15 is seen writhing in agony. A hole erupts from its torso as Silver Surfur launches from the beast’s belly, filled with goo, but alive. Sandworm #15 shudders and dies.
In the grasslands. . . .
Yoda meets Darth Malak.
Yoda: Meet, do we, Malak. Finish your life, I must.
Malak: You look like a muppet! [Ignites lightsaber]. I don’t think so. . .
The Jedi Master and Sith Lord combat with equal agility and ferocity against one another. Malak uses his Sith lightning against Yoda. Yoda catches the lightning and turns it around on Malak. Malak suffers the brunt of the attack and falls down. Yoda flips around, does a somersault and spins around in a flurry of movement. This discombobulates Malak. Yoda manages to cut Malak’s arm off in the melee. Malak switches his lightsaber to his other arm and strikes at Yoda. He manages to graze Yoda’s ear off. Yoda, without one ear, lashes out and kills Malak.
Yoda: Although one ear only do I have, my heart is filled with pride in my victory over evil.
In the air. . .
Wedge Antilles and Admiral Ackbar in The Shuttle Tyderium flies below Shintor Beerus in an Ornithopter, unaware of the Jedi Master below. Beerus lands the ornithopter on the Tyderium and begins to cut a hole on top of the Imperial Shuttle. Ackbar notices the Jedi on the sensors and Antilles uses evasive maneuvers to flip Beerus around up top. Although Beerus uses the Force to keep himself on the shuttle, Wedge’s piloting skills is too much for the Jedi and both Beerus and the Ornithopter fall of the shuttle to the battlefield below. As Beerus falls, Baby Storm creates a funnel cloud cushion to float Beerus to the ground safely. Beerus is joined by Warpath, Red Sonja and Martin Blank on the ground.
In the forest. . .
Beerus, Warpath, Sonja and Blank lurk in the forest. They hear the crashing as George Washington in an Exo-Suit crashes through the brush. Washington is joined by Neo and the T-1000. Blank immediately begins firing his weapons at Neo. Neo slows the bullets down and easily dodges all of them. Neo then jumps over to Blank and with extraordinary speed pounds, beats and crushes Blank’s chest in. Blank falls to the ground, not actually knowing who or what killed him. Neo then chides Warpath on. Warpath and Neo enter into a fight. Although Neo’s skills almost parallel the mutant’s abilities, Warpath’s mutant enhanced strength, speed and durability eventually begin to wear Neo down. As the two men fight, Red Sonja sneaks up from behind and drives her sword through an unaware Neo’s chest. Neo leans into Warpath in shock. Warpath holds Neo by the head and shoulders in a combat embrace.
Warpath: You shall die honorably.
With those words Warpath uses his knife and slices Neo’s throat. Blood spurts over the warrior, masking his face in red.
Meanwhile, Beerus fights Washington in the Exo-Suit. Although Washington is giving Beerus a good fight, the Jedi Master is too much for the President in a glorified armor contraption. Beerus uses his lightsaber to sever two of Washington’s limbs. Washington falls to the ground without his left arm and right leg.
Washington, mortally wounded, motions for Beerus to take off his helmet. Beerus, a honorable Jedi, does so.
Washington: Listen to me. I am one of the founding fathers of the United States. I am a namesake of my team. Let me die an honorable death.
Beerus: From one General to another, I shall.
Beerus decapitates Washington swiftly. As Beerus turns around he is impaled by the T-1000’s fingers. Beerus falls dead to the ground. The T-1000 then turns to both Red Sonja and Warpath. Red Sonja tries to battle the terminator, but is slashed in half by the T-1000’s hands. Warpath sees the T-1000 and knows that he will have another fight on his hands. Before the T-1000 is able to battle Warpath, Warpath notices the damaged, but not destroyed, Ornithopter on the ground. Warpath races to the flying vehicle, straps in and takes it off to safety. The T-1000 looks to the other battleground areas.
In the grasslands. . .
Yoda is walking through the grasses when he hears footfalls behind him. Out of the brush comes E.T. E.T. looks at Yoda.
E.T.: Friend?!?
Yoda looks at the extraterrestrial and ignites his lightsaber.
E.T.: Enemy!!!
E.T. begins to run away from Yoda. Yoda chases E.T. when he notices someone flying at him. Yoda holds his lightsaber ready as the gooey Galactus herald surfs toward the Jedi Master in a blinding fury. The power cosmic is too much for the Jedi Master and Yoda is incinerated by the Silver Surfer. As the Silver Surfer flies away E.T.’s finger shines.
E.T.: Thaaaannnkkkssss.
Those are the last words uttered by E.T. as John Connor in his armored and equipped Hummer runs E.T. down and kills him. The Hummer then crashes into the Hulk, who has just landed at the scene. The Hulk smashes the front of the Hummer. The Hummer’s weapons are now useless. The Hulk then rips off the driver’s side door and reaches for Connor. Connor struggles to get to the passenger side door and is about to leap from the vehicle when the Hulk, with the driver’s side door still in hand, swats Connor from the car, sending his dead body through the air like a baseball.
In the air. . .
Warpath in the Ornithopter is looking for his other teammates in the air. He notices Quinlon Vos in the Tie Bomber who is now riding alongside him. Vos nods in acknowledgement and the two fly together. Their comradery is short lived as they are met by Wedge Antilles and Admiral Ackbar in The Shuttle Tyderium and Captain Kirk in the Arwing. Captain Kirk focuses on Warpath and the Ornithopter. He knows that Warpath is the easier prey and uses this to his advantage. He uses the Arwing’s T&B H-1 laser cannon to strike at the Ornithopter. The wings of the vehicle are shredded and Warpath falls to the ground below. Before he hits the battlefield, Baby Storm rescues the day and begins to float the mutant slowly down. Kirk has had enough with the pint sized hero and launches his smart bombs. The bombs locate both mutants and blow them to bits. As the bodies plummet to the ground, Kirk makes sure they are dead and uses his powered up hyper laser to skewer the remnants in midair. Meanwhile, the Tyderium chases the Tie Bomber across the sky.
In the water. . .
From the forest flies the Pantheon’s hovercraft near the battlefield’s waters. The hovercraft is met by the Martian Manhunter and Arisia. Arisia uses her ring powers and Martian Manhunter uses his superhuman strength to pummel the hovercraft into the water below. The Pantheon crew rises to the surface. They begin to fire their weapons at Arisia and Manhunter. Arisia is repeatedly hit and falls to the waters below. There she is pummeled by Jason, Ulysseus I and Ulysseus II. Arisia uses her ring to fend off a majority of the blows, but she finally succumbs to the barrage of weapons and dies. Martian Manhunter takes charge and kills Jason, Andromeda and Prometheus. Poseidon rises from the depths and places the remaining Pantheon members, being Achilles, Agamemnon, Ajax, Atlanta, Cassiopeia, Delphi, Hector, Paris, Ullysses I and Ullysses II. on the damaged hovercraft. The hovercraft slowly moves from the lake back to the forest area.
In the forest. . .
As the hovercraft comes to the forest they are met by Optimus Prime and Roller. The wheeled drone module fires upon the hovercraft’s inhabitants. Roller manages to kill Paris and Cassiopeia. The remaining Pantheon members fire at and destroy the drone. Optimus Prime is then joined by Loki. Loki uses his magical powers to transform the trees surrounding the skirmish into living creatures. The combination of Loki’s magical beasts as well as Optimus Prime is too much for the Pantheon. After much shredding, ripping and blasting is completed, the remaining Pantheon: Achilles, Agamemnon, Ajax, Atlanta, Delphi, Hector, Ullysses I, & Ullysses II, all die.
In the desert. . . .
The T-1000 has trekked to the desert area. The Terminator is met by the Red Tornado. Red Tornado uses his air and wind manipulation powers to whip a miniature sandstorm at the terminator. The metallic body becomes mucked up. The T-1000 is then hit by Sandstorm. The T-1000 is disintegrated and meshed throughout the sands beneath. Optimus Prime comes to the scene and the Transformers fight against one another. Although Sandstorm presents a valiant fight, Prime is too much for Sandstorm and eventually destroys him.
In the air above the water. . .
The Tyderium chases the Tie Bomber. Along to help Antilles and Ackbar is Kirk in the Arwing. The three ships fire upon one another, using torpedoes and lasers. Vos takes the Tie Bomber low to the water. As Kirk in the Arwing is about to lock onto Vos, Poseidon comes out of the water and brings forth a fountain that hits the ship in a torrential downpour. As Kirk attempts to escape the water, he see Vos’ Tie Bomber fire its lasers. Kirk and the Arwing are destroyed. Into battle comes Martian Manhunter, who is flying both Yoda and Loki in his hands. Yoda dismounts from Martian Manhunter on top of the Tie Bomber. Yoda uses his lightsaber to damage the exterior engine system of the Tie Bomber. The Tie Bomber becomes erratic and Vos jettisons out of the Bomber. Yoda leaps off the Bomber and onto the seat with Vos. The Tyderium fires upon the Bomber, which then explodes. Because Vos is strapped in, he is not able to ignite his lightsaber in time. Yoda decapitates Vos and rides the chair to the waters below. Poseidon is about to drown Yoda when all of a sudden Loki hits the water. The trickster god is enough of a match for Poseidon. The two battle and Loki actually manages to gain the upper hand on Poseidon and kill him. Martian Manhunter then picks Loki up and flies away. The Shuttle Tyderium follows the two, but only for a short time before the Hulk leaps onto the ship’s wing. The Hulk begins to smash the left wing of the vehicle. The Tyderium flies out of control, but rights itself eventually due to the expert piloting skills of Antilles and the assistance of Ackbar. It only goes so far though as the Silver Surfer uses his powers to annihilate the ship. The Tyderium and its crew – Antilles and Ackbar, die in a blazing explosion that mirrors the Death Star (before the additional special effects were added in the newly released version).
In the center of the battlefield. . .
The Red Tornado is waiting for his surviving teammates, Hulk and Silver Surfer. It looks as if victory is close at hand. He is set upon by the combined forces of Yoda and Optimus Prime. Tornado manipulates the winds and flings Yoda across the landscape. Prime is not so easily moved as he blasts Tornado. Red Tornado dies.
Across the way Amazo finally shows itself. Amazo is in close proximity with all of the combatants in the final scene. The Silver Surfer and Martian Manhunter battle in the air. The Manhunter is soon dispatched by the Surfer’s powers. The Hulk takes on Optimus Prime. The battle is furious, but the Green Giant manages to rip off the head of Prime. Prime is destroyed. The Hulk and Surfer then use their combined forces to destroy both Loki and Yoda. As the Hulk and Surfer look for the final victim, they notice Amazo (who now has the abilities of Silver Surfer, Martian Manhunter and Hulk). Amazo, to the shock of both Surfer and Hulk, manages to use all of his newly-absorbed abilities and powers to kill the two final Wingmen.
The Right Wing: All dead.
George Washington’s Slaves: Amazo alive.
GEORGE WASHINGTON’S SLAVES ARE VICTORIOUS AND ADVANCE TO THE NEXT ROUND OF THE PLAYOFFS!!!
Monday, June 1, 2009
Consolation matches will be posted soon.
I would like to apologize to my fellow watchers and to the members of this league for not writing the consolation matches yet. I was much busier than I thought I was going to be this weekend and was unable to write anything before the playoffs began. I will be writing the matches tonight, hopefully all of them, so they will be up soon. Again, I am sorry for the delay and I hope this will be a one time occurrence.
Nick
Nick
Beckerman's Backyardigan's: Beeyatches Vs. TEAM
Beckerman’s Backyardigan’s Beeyatches are Star Wolf in an Arwing, War Skrull #6 & R2-KT in an X-Wing, Darth Vader in a Tie Bomber, Orion in an F-22, Holocaust & Tasha in a Tank, Wolverine in The Fire Stingray, Magog in an Ornithopter, Red Hulk, Doomsday, Dark Phoenix, & Vehicle Voltron.
TEAM is Superman, Unicron, Set, Thor, God Emperor Leto II, Voltron, Luke Skywalker & R2-D2 in an X-Wing, Jengo Fett and Young Boba Fett in Slave 1, Lando Calrissean, Nien Numb, & C-3P0 in The Millennium Falcon, & Ryan Poteracki in a Hovercraft.
A good portion of TEAM’s forces begin the battle, already in space. Set is set up in the city while Ryan is hovering in the water and Leto has made an empire for himself in the sands. Other than that, the rest of TEAM is hanging back with Unicron above the planet, waiting for their opponents to come to them. Vader assembles his squadron which he plans to lead into space directly against TEAM’s space threat. Vader’s takes the lead in his Tie Bomber while Star Wolf and the other Star Wolf (War Skrull #6) fly behind him. Orion is with them as well. Although an F-22 is not usually a space worthy vessel, with Orion behind the controls using the Astro-Harness, it makes the F-22 more than space capable. Dark Phoenix follows Vader’s lead into space as well with a certain level of excitement for the coming battle, and so does The Voltron from the Near Universe. With Set and The God Emperor on 2 different settings, it makes it near impossible for them to help each other which is why Tasha decides that her land squad will move against The God Emperor first. Under Gen. Tasha’s orders Magog flies in above the desert landscape in his Ornithopter to work as a diversion. He then jumps out of the bird like flying contraption and allows it to crash. This attracts the attention of Leto who comes racing in toward the crash with hopes to take advantage of the situation. But as The Tyrant rears up his worm body Red Hulk & Doomsday, along with Magog jump out and attack. The God Emperor may be huge and powerful but he is overwhelmed by the strength and power of the 3 of them. Wolverine has been given the opportunity to execute a mission which is the dream of anybody on The Backyardigan Squad: Kill Ryan Poteracki. Wolverine rips thru the grasslands going upwards of 400 miles an hour in The Fire Stingray and then rips right over the water ripping the top off the Hovercraft and killing Ryan. The F-Zero car is moving so fast that Wolverine doesn’t even notice that he ripped both engines out of it with this stunt until he gets back onto land with it. Tasha has her entire land team regroup before they begin the huge undertaking of battling with Set. Tasha has Red Hulk pick up the tank that her and Holocaust are in and then jump to the top of a building with it. From that vantage point Tasha should be able to not only see the battle transpire so she can give her much needed orders but it will also give her the ability to shoot at Set’s heads with the tank’s weaponry. Tasha knows that in order to destroy the mammoth Set that they will need to kill all 7 of the creature’s heads. Tasha orders the attack which begins with her firing pot shots at the massive serpent from her tank. Now that the tank is stationary on top of the building she orders her driver, Holocaust to get out and join the others in the attack. Tasha’s tank blasts are not powerful enough to do any permanent damage to Set but they do work to distract the serpent enough for the rest of The Backyardigan’s to begin their attack. Holocaust uses his powers of life absorption to attack one of Set’s heads and then finishes it off with a massive energy blast to destroy it, but before the futuristic mutant can duplicate the trick he is eaten by another of Set’s heads. Doomsday and Rulk each manage to take out a head while Wolverine and Magog work great together to team work 2 of them to death. The 2 last remaining heads bring down the entire building that Tasha’s tank is on top of which destroys both the tank and their fearless leader. Wolverine yells: “FOR TASHA”! As the 4 teammates converge on the final 2 heads of Set and take them out for good, so they can claim the land portion of the planet for the Backyardigans. Space on the other hand is quite a different story. As Vader leads his space ready team into battle Star Wolf asks: “Are you sure this is a good idea Lord Vader? I mean maybe we should just wait for them to come to us? I here this Unicron guy they got can rip entire planets apart”. Vader of course replies with: “The ability to destroy a planet is insignificant next to the power of the force”. “The power of the force is insignificant next to the power of the Phoenix force”. Dark Phoenix replies telepathically to Vader. Vader thinks to himself (which is also thinking to Dark Phoenix) “I hope you’re right cause we could use that kind of power”. As the ships exit the Play-Off Planet’s atmosphere Dark Phoenix realizes thru telepathic thought that although the ground leader Tasha is dead, that her squad was victorious. Knowing that they may need more help Dark Phoenix races back down to the planet in the blink of any eye and brings Wolverine, Magog, Rulk, & Doomsday out into space with her before the rest of the team even notices that she is gone. Now with what is left of both teams floating in space above the planet the battle can truly begin. Unicron hangs back, still in a semi-dormant state just waiting for the right time to strike, while Rulk and Thor begin doing battle on the massive Transformers body. Luke and the Skrull Star Wolf engage in a fierce dog fight in their X-Wings and the 2 Voltron’s clash in a masterpiece of equal matchedness (it’s a word, trust me I should know I just made it up). The free-floating team up of Wolverine and Magog fight with Superman while Star Wolf and Orion despite having smaller ships engage The Millennium Falcon and Slave 1 in battle. Rulk grabs Thor by the neck and wrestles him down but Thor continues to struggle. Thor then catches Rulk in the side of the head with Mojinir to break free and the battle starts fresh. Rulk jumps into the weightless air and then comes down on the side of the “sleeping” Unicron with such force that it causes the planet Transformer to transform into his mammoth robot form. Thor jumps off of his humongous teammate, but Unicron grabs a hold of Rulk and then crushes him in his massive fist. Dark Phoenix, who has been quietly and patiently waiting for Unicron to awaken uses telekinesis to throw Doomsday into Unicron. Unicron does more than just simply dwarf Doomsday; in fact Doomsday appears as little more than a bread crumb on the chest of Unicron. True as this may be Doomsday’s strength is not to be trifled with. Despite a ridiculous size advantage Doomsday starts inflicting massive amounts of damage on Unicron. Unicron screams with the pain that he is feeling while Dark Phoenix hangs back once again biding her time. Once Doomsday has turned the dents that he inflicted on Unicron into holes, this is when Dark Phoenix strikes. She unleashes the Phoenix force into the opened metal wounds of Unicron and lets her power begin to consume his. Dark Phoenix tries to increase her own already incalculable amount of power by absorbing that of Unicron but she finds that even the Phoenix force cannot consume so much power within such a miniscule frame. The merging of these 2 powers causes a massive implosion which destroys her and Unicron as well as Doomsday. The other fighters from both teams are sent miles away by the shockwaves of this interaction. Luke wins out by use of a proton torpedo in his X-Wing dog fight against Skrull Wolf (that’s what were calling War Skrull #6 for today). Vader can sense thru the force that his Voltron is not going to come out on top against the Voltron from the Far Universe (that one must be a little better, if they cancelled the show in the U.S. before the other one could even show up). Vader sends 2 bombs from his heavily equipped Tie Bomber into the area where the 2 Voltrons are fighting which causes yet another massive explosion that levels both Voltrons before The Voltron from The Far Universe could destroy his Near Universe counterpart. Superman breaks the trident of Magog and then breaks his face (“your face broke his face”). Wolverine sees this and floats up behind Superman with his claws drawn ready to kill but before Wolvie can get to the Man of Steel, Thor launches Mojinir at Wolverine’s head and takes him out. Star Wolf does an amazing job of evading the turbo lasers and missiles of Jengo and Boba in Slave 1. Star Wolf is able to make the little Arwing do amazing things but eventually the better ship does catch up with him. Star Wolf attempts another evasive stunt but the Arwing takes one to many hits on the left wing which sends it spinning off uncontrollably and then exploding. C-3P0 does an amazing job of being annoying and freaking out while Lando and Nien Numb blow up Orion’s F-22, but after they do, they see something that they had never quite seen before. After the destruction of Orion’s ship, Orion simply ejects from the seat and continues to fly around in space with no help at all (well really it’s because of the Astro harness but Lando doesn’t know that). Luke is able to shoot Vader’s Tie Bomber do to the fact that it is so much slower moving than his X-Wing but Vader maintains enough control of the ship to keep it from being completely destroyed. Vader and Orion both know that his Tie Bomber cannot withstand much more damage so Orion pulls the bomber in with his tractor beam and then projects an energy force field around Vader so he can eject out of the ship (really just jump out into open space). Orion takes the 2 of them and then flies on to the side of The Millennium Falcon and Vader uses the force to open the hatch. The 2 remaining Backyardigans break into the Falcon and then rush into the cockpit. Lando pulls his blaster but Vader and Orion make short work of Lando, Nien Numb, & C-3P0. Vader then sits down and takes over the controls of the Falcon with Orion sitting in the co-pilot seat. Together they swing back around and mount an attack against the remaining TEAMmembers. Vader and Orion fly in with great gusto in the “fastest hunk of junk in the galaxy”, but Luke reluctantly gives the order to fire on his best friends’ ship. Luke says “Well Han said he had a bad feeling that he was never gonna see her again, I guess we can’t make a liar out of him”. The 2 remaining ships (Slave 1 & Luke’s X-Wing) target the Falcon while Superman hits it with his Heat Vision and Thor with the thrown Mojinir. As the Falcon explodes and Thor catches his hammer Superman turns to Thor and says: “Well are season hasn’t stopped yet”. Thor replies with “Aye, Superman my friend I’m not sure that us being stopped is even a possibility”.
TEAM IS VICTORIOUS!
TEAM is Superman, Unicron, Set, Thor, God Emperor Leto II, Voltron, Luke Skywalker & R2-D2 in an X-Wing, Jengo Fett and Young Boba Fett in Slave 1, Lando Calrissean, Nien Numb, & C-3P0 in The Millennium Falcon, & Ryan Poteracki in a Hovercraft.
A good portion of TEAM’s forces begin the battle, already in space. Set is set up in the city while Ryan is hovering in the water and Leto has made an empire for himself in the sands. Other than that, the rest of TEAM is hanging back with Unicron above the planet, waiting for their opponents to come to them. Vader assembles his squadron which he plans to lead into space directly against TEAM’s space threat. Vader’s takes the lead in his Tie Bomber while Star Wolf and the other Star Wolf (War Skrull #6) fly behind him. Orion is with them as well. Although an F-22 is not usually a space worthy vessel, with Orion behind the controls using the Astro-Harness, it makes the F-22 more than space capable. Dark Phoenix follows Vader’s lead into space as well with a certain level of excitement for the coming battle, and so does The Voltron from the Near Universe. With Set and The God Emperor on 2 different settings, it makes it near impossible for them to help each other which is why Tasha decides that her land squad will move against The God Emperor first. Under Gen. Tasha’s orders Magog flies in above the desert landscape in his Ornithopter to work as a diversion. He then jumps out of the bird like flying contraption and allows it to crash. This attracts the attention of Leto who comes racing in toward the crash with hopes to take advantage of the situation. But as The Tyrant rears up his worm body Red Hulk & Doomsday, along with Magog jump out and attack. The God Emperor may be huge and powerful but he is overwhelmed by the strength and power of the 3 of them. Wolverine has been given the opportunity to execute a mission which is the dream of anybody on The Backyardigan Squad: Kill Ryan Poteracki. Wolverine rips thru the grasslands going upwards of 400 miles an hour in The Fire Stingray and then rips right over the water ripping the top off the Hovercraft and killing Ryan. The F-Zero car is moving so fast that Wolverine doesn’t even notice that he ripped both engines out of it with this stunt until he gets back onto land with it. Tasha has her entire land team regroup before they begin the huge undertaking of battling with Set. Tasha has Red Hulk pick up the tank that her and Holocaust are in and then jump to the top of a building with it. From that vantage point Tasha should be able to not only see the battle transpire so she can give her much needed orders but it will also give her the ability to shoot at Set’s heads with the tank’s weaponry. Tasha knows that in order to destroy the mammoth Set that they will need to kill all 7 of the creature’s heads. Tasha orders the attack which begins with her firing pot shots at the massive serpent from her tank. Now that the tank is stationary on top of the building she orders her driver, Holocaust to get out and join the others in the attack. Tasha’s tank blasts are not powerful enough to do any permanent damage to Set but they do work to distract the serpent enough for the rest of The Backyardigan’s to begin their attack. Holocaust uses his powers of life absorption to attack one of Set’s heads and then finishes it off with a massive energy blast to destroy it, but before the futuristic mutant can duplicate the trick he is eaten by another of Set’s heads. Doomsday and Rulk each manage to take out a head while Wolverine and Magog work great together to team work 2 of them to death. The 2 last remaining heads bring down the entire building that Tasha’s tank is on top of which destroys both the tank and their fearless leader. Wolverine yells: “FOR TASHA”! As the 4 teammates converge on the final 2 heads of Set and take them out for good, so they can claim the land portion of the planet for the Backyardigans. Space on the other hand is quite a different story. As Vader leads his space ready team into battle Star Wolf asks: “Are you sure this is a good idea Lord Vader? I mean maybe we should just wait for them to come to us? I here this Unicron guy they got can rip entire planets apart”. Vader of course replies with: “The ability to destroy a planet is insignificant next to the power of the force”. “The power of the force is insignificant next to the power of the Phoenix force”. Dark Phoenix replies telepathically to Vader. Vader thinks to himself (which is also thinking to Dark Phoenix) “I hope you’re right cause we could use that kind of power”. As the ships exit the Play-Off Planet’s atmosphere Dark Phoenix realizes thru telepathic thought that although the ground leader Tasha is dead, that her squad was victorious. Knowing that they may need more help Dark Phoenix races back down to the planet in the blink of any eye and brings Wolverine, Magog, Rulk, & Doomsday out into space with her before the rest of the team even notices that she is gone. Now with what is left of both teams floating in space above the planet the battle can truly begin. Unicron hangs back, still in a semi-dormant state just waiting for the right time to strike, while Rulk and Thor begin doing battle on the massive Transformers body. Luke and the Skrull Star Wolf engage in a fierce dog fight in their X-Wings and the 2 Voltron’s clash in a masterpiece of equal matchedness (it’s a word, trust me I should know I just made it up). The free-floating team up of Wolverine and Magog fight with Superman while Star Wolf and Orion despite having smaller ships engage The Millennium Falcon and Slave 1 in battle. Rulk grabs Thor by the neck and wrestles him down but Thor continues to struggle. Thor then catches Rulk in the side of the head with Mojinir to break free and the battle starts fresh. Rulk jumps into the weightless air and then comes down on the side of the “sleeping” Unicron with such force that it causes the planet Transformer to transform into his mammoth robot form. Thor jumps off of his humongous teammate, but Unicron grabs a hold of Rulk and then crushes him in his massive fist. Dark Phoenix, who has been quietly and patiently waiting for Unicron to awaken uses telekinesis to throw Doomsday into Unicron. Unicron does more than just simply dwarf Doomsday; in fact Doomsday appears as little more than a bread crumb on the chest of Unicron. True as this may be Doomsday’s strength is not to be trifled with. Despite a ridiculous size advantage Doomsday starts inflicting massive amounts of damage on Unicron. Unicron screams with the pain that he is feeling while Dark Phoenix hangs back once again biding her time. Once Doomsday has turned the dents that he inflicted on Unicron into holes, this is when Dark Phoenix strikes. She unleashes the Phoenix force into the opened metal wounds of Unicron and lets her power begin to consume his. Dark Phoenix tries to increase her own already incalculable amount of power by absorbing that of Unicron but she finds that even the Phoenix force cannot consume so much power within such a miniscule frame. The merging of these 2 powers causes a massive implosion which destroys her and Unicron as well as Doomsday. The other fighters from both teams are sent miles away by the shockwaves of this interaction. Luke wins out by use of a proton torpedo in his X-Wing dog fight against Skrull Wolf (that’s what were calling War Skrull #6 for today). Vader can sense thru the force that his Voltron is not going to come out on top against the Voltron from the Far Universe (that one must be a little better, if they cancelled the show in the U.S. before the other one could even show up). Vader sends 2 bombs from his heavily equipped Tie Bomber into the area where the 2 Voltrons are fighting which causes yet another massive explosion that levels both Voltrons before The Voltron from The Far Universe could destroy his Near Universe counterpart. Superman breaks the trident of Magog and then breaks his face (“your face broke his face”). Wolverine sees this and floats up behind Superman with his claws drawn ready to kill but before Wolvie can get to the Man of Steel, Thor launches Mojinir at Wolverine’s head and takes him out. Star Wolf does an amazing job of evading the turbo lasers and missiles of Jengo and Boba in Slave 1. Star Wolf is able to make the little Arwing do amazing things but eventually the better ship does catch up with him. Star Wolf attempts another evasive stunt but the Arwing takes one to many hits on the left wing which sends it spinning off uncontrollably and then exploding. C-3P0 does an amazing job of being annoying and freaking out while Lando and Nien Numb blow up Orion’s F-22, but after they do, they see something that they had never quite seen before. After the destruction of Orion’s ship, Orion simply ejects from the seat and continues to fly around in space with no help at all (well really it’s because of the Astro harness but Lando doesn’t know that). Luke is able to shoot Vader’s Tie Bomber do to the fact that it is so much slower moving than his X-Wing but Vader maintains enough control of the ship to keep it from being completely destroyed. Vader and Orion both know that his Tie Bomber cannot withstand much more damage so Orion pulls the bomber in with his tractor beam and then projects an energy force field around Vader so he can eject out of the ship (really just jump out into open space). Orion takes the 2 of them and then flies on to the side of The Millennium Falcon and Vader uses the force to open the hatch. The 2 remaining Backyardigans break into the Falcon and then rush into the cockpit. Lando pulls his blaster but Vader and Orion make short work of Lando, Nien Numb, & C-3P0. Vader then sits down and takes over the controls of the Falcon with Orion sitting in the co-pilot seat. Together they swing back around and mount an attack against the remaining TEAMmembers. Vader and Orion fly in with great gusto in the “fastest hunk of junk in the galaxy”, but Luke reluctantly gives the order to fire on his best friends’ ship. Luke says “Well Han said he had a bad feeling that he was never gonna see her again, I guess we can’t make a liar out of him”. The 2 remaining ships (Slave 1 & Luke’s X-Wing) target the Falcon while Superman hits it with his Heat Vision and Thor with the thrown Mojinir. As the Falcon explodes and Thor catches his hammer Superman turns to Thor and says: “Well are season hasn’t stopped yet”. Thor replies with “Aye, Superman my friend I’m not sure that us being stopped is even a possibility”.
TEAM IS VICTORIOUS!
Pop Superstar Hannah Montana and President Barack Obama’s “Best of Both Worlds” Touring Battalion of Commandos vs Le' Napoleon's Brigade
Pop Superstar Hannah Montana and President Barack Obama’s “Best of Both Worlds” Touring Battalion of Commandos are Dave Bowman: The Starchild, The Cloverfield Monster, Bizarro, Black Adam, Parallax, Rodimus Prime, Maxima, Ms. Marvel, Lazarus Long in a Tie Bomber, Agamemnon, Steven Hiller & Astro-Droid #19 in an X-Wing, Warf & Astro-Droid #20 in a Y-Wing, Qui Gon Jinn, & Ahmed Best.
Le’ Napoleon’s Brigade is Even Piell, Obi Wan Kenobi, Skyfire, Hecate, Poison Ivy, The Spice Girls, Man at Arms & Teela in a Land Speeder, John McClane, Maverick & Astro-Droid #3 in a Y-Wing, Goose, Jaws, The Sando Aqua Monster, Leia Organa (Jedi), Coleman Trebor, Æon Flux, Fox (from Wanted) in the Bat Boat, Amazon (Princess Ororo), & Lara Croft.
Just moments before the Commandos are teleported to a rematch from not only the final week of this year’s regular season but also last year’s First Round Playoffs, Dr. Doom pulls Black Adam aside for a few words. “Teth, this is the most important battle of our team’s lives. I am entrusting you to do whatever it takes to secure a victory for The Commandos. I don’t care what Head Coach Obama says or thinks, do what must be done,” says Dr. Doom. “There’s nothing to concern yourself about, Doom. Just don’t forget our agreement,” replies Black Adam as he walks out of the locker room. Once they are teleported to the Playoff Planet, the Commandos are met by Le’ Napoleon’s Brigade, who are fully ready for a fight. Qui Gon Jinn motions for the rest of his team to stay back as he sees Obi Wan Kenobi walking out to meet him in the middle of the street of the city. They both ignite their lightsabers as they walk closer to each other. “Master Qui Gon you do not want to do this,” says Obi Wan Kenobi. “Neither do you my old Padawan. But we both know, sometimes there is no other option,” replies Qui Gon Jinn. They both are about to clash, but Maxima and John McClane both blindside the two Jedi Masters. Now Obi Wan and Qui Gon find themselves fighting side by side even though they are on opposite teams. Maxima fires several energy blasts at Obi Wan, but he is able to block them with his lightsaber. Qui Gon Jinn dodges John McClane’s bullets, as he is able to injure the New York City Detective’s arm with his lightsaber. Skyfire sees his teammate in trouble, so he dive bombs Master Jinn and fires his blasters at him. The Jedi Master is able to leap out of way and starts using his Jedi powers to scale the fire escape on the building next to him extremely fast. He leaps off of the top of the building and lands on the Autobot jet, who was making another pass. Skyfire then starts climbing high into the air, barrel rolling, trying to knock to Jedi off, but he is able to hang on. Qui Gon then ignites his lightsaber and drives deep into Skyfire’s hull, destroying his spark. Skyfire then plummets to the ground, with Qui Gon calmly riding him down. At the last moment, he leaps off of Skyfire just moments before the transformer slams into a building. Obi Wan Kenobi meanwhile has been having no luck gaining an advantage over Maxima. But her arrogance finally gets the best of her, which Obi Wan quickly uses to his benefit. She flies in fast and close to land a powerful uppercut, but Master Kenobi does a spin move, which evades her attack and slices her head off with his lightsaber all in the same motion. Qui Gon Jinn then lands back down on the street, yet again staring his old Padawan in the face. This time they are not blindsided by other opponents and are able to finally engage each other in battle. Qui Gon is slow and methodical, while Obi Wan has adjusted his technique to a much faster method of attack. Master Kenobi then in an amazing feat of speed and agility, does like three flips in a matter of seconds and reluctantly strikes his old Master down with his lightsaber. As Qui Gon gasps his last breaths, Obi Wan kneels down next to him as says, “I’m sorry Master Qui Gon. I had no other choice.” “Do not be…sorry Obi Wan. You…have made…me...proud. Your…skills are...more than I could……” replies Qui Gon as he dies. John McClane walks up behind Obi Wan and puts his hand on the Jedi’s shoulder. “Come on Obi Wan, there’s a lot more to this fight before we’re done,” says McClane. Jaws and The Sando Aqua Monster both are impatiently swimming around the water, waiting for their chance to attack. But what neither expected, they soon find themselves as the prey instead of the hunters, as The Cloverfield Monster erupts out of the water and quickly eats Jaws. The Sando Aqua Monster grabs a hold of one of Cloverfield’s front legs and drags him down underwater. Multiple parasites swim off of Cloverfield’s body and starts attacking The Sando Aqua Monster, but it refuses to go down without a fight. They both viciously attack each other as they sink deeper into the abyss and their demise. Back up in space, Maverick in a Y-Wing is in a sweet dogfight with Steve Hiller, who is flying a X-Wing. The two pilots are extremely well matched, both evading each other’s attacks. Lazarus Long flies in to aid Capt. Hiller in his Tie Bomber along with Warf and Astro-Droid #20 aboard their Y-Wing. Hiller, Long, and Warf then work together to blast Maverick and Astro-Droid #3 out of the sky. Capt. Hiller however isn’t able to light his “Fat Lady Cigar,” because Hecate flies in with her massive spaceship body and blows his X-Wing away. She then quickly blows Warf’s Y-Wing away as well. Lazarus Long with his vast experience is able to evade Hecate’s attack and immediately calls for reinforcements. Agamemnon then flies in to attack his fellow Titan. They both start firing on each other with no regard of their own well-being. The two Cymek Titans continue to wage war on each other as Dave Bowman: The Starchild appears before him. He sees this violent and destructive battle between these two behemoths and decides that it would be better if they both were removed from existence. Which is exactly what he does, even though Agamemnon is a teammate of his. Back on the Playoff Planet, Even Piell, Coleman Trebor, Leia Organa and Obi Wan Kenobi form up by the water and work on a game plan. Just then, however, the injured Cloverfield Monster erupts from the water, victorious from his fight against The Sando Aqua Monster and kills Coleman Trebor. Even Piell slices several parasites in half as they jump off of Cloverfield’s body. One of the giant monster’s external esophagi comes straight for Leia, but she is able to slice a part of it off with her lightsaber. Even Piell and Obi Wan Kenobi then use their Force abilities to leap up on to the monster’s head, but Mast Piell knows that this is an unwinable attack and Force pushes Obi Wan off of Cloverfield. He then starts hacking away at the monster’s head with his lightsaber, even though a parasite has sliced Even’s back open. The Jedi Master continues his assault on The Cloverfield Monster, finally defeating it, but at the cost of his own life. Amazon then takes to the skies only to be confronted by Parallax. She immediately tries to uses her vast weather powers, but Parallax senses her extreme fear of drowning. The fear entity capitalizes on this and overwhelms Amazon and blasts her away with his power. Back in the city, Ahmed Best bobbles his way down a street only to be surrounded by the Spice Girls, or should I say Katrina Highkick, Trixie Firecracker, Kung Fu Candy, Midnight Miss Suki, and Blazin' Bad Zula. The five techo-warrior-popstars completely and horrifically rip apart the poor Ahmed Best. They then try to engage Ms. Marvel, thinking that they can kill her just as easily. However, unfortunately for them and unlike Ms. Marvel, they don’t actually have superpowers. Ms. Marvel quickly flies through the air and easily kills all five Spice Girls. Ms. Marvel is then shot at several times by Lara Croft, but she is able to dodge the bullets. She then flies up to the Tomb Raider and crushes her face in with a vicious right hook. Bizarro then smashes to the ground somewhere in the forest, only to be grabbed by the plants as if they were alive. Poison Ivy then walks out from behind a tree, controlling the plant life. Bizarro then uses his super strength to free himself from the plants. He then uses his heat breath to set ablaze not only most of the forest, but Poison Ivy as well. Fox, who is speeding by in the Batboat, is now shooting at Rodimus Prime. She’s finding her target with every shot, but let’s be honest, the bullets just aren’t getting the job done against the Autobot leader. Rodimus pulls his photon eliminator out and blows the Batboat to pieces. John McClane meets back up with Obi Wan Kenobi and Leia Organa. “We are getting our asses handed to us out here!” shouts McClane. “We have to regroup with what’s left of our team,” replies Master Kenobi. They are able to find Æon Flux, Goose, and Man-at-Arms, who is with Teela aboard a Land Speeder. “F#$* this is it?! You’ve got to be kidding me?!” yells John McClane. Just then, Black Adam along with Bizarro, Ms. Marvel and Parallax show up. Without hesitation, Obi Wan and Leia both leap into action and drive their lightsabers deep into Bizarro’s chest, killing the powerhouse. Æon Flux tries to uses her incredible fighting skills against Black Adam, but he simply punches right through her head. Goose, who at this point is completely freaking out is easily dispatched by Parallax. Rodimus Prime then arrives to aid his teammates. He takes aim and blows up the Land Speeder, killing Teela in the process. Man-at-Arms then enraged by his daughter’s death, charges towards Rodimus Prime, but Lazarus Long flies in, ejects from his Tie Bomber and stabs Man-at-Arms with his sword. Obi Wan Kenobi then attacks Lazarus Long. He tries to keep up with the Jedi Master, but Obi Wan’s lightsaber skills are too much for him to handle, and he eventually falls. Leia moves against Ms. Marvel, but she finds her self double-teamed by her and Parallax. She tries her best, but is blown away by their combined energy. John McClane looks over at his last teammate, Obi Wan Kenobi, and says “F#$* it!” as they both charge at the remaining Commando forces. Just then, Dave Bowman makes another appearance and makes McClane and Kenobi disappear, sparing them from what was sure to be a gruesome death.
POP SUPERSTAR HANNAH MONTANA AND PRESIDENT BARACK OBAMA’S “BEST OF BOTH WORLDS” TOURING BATTALION OF COMMANDOS ARE VICTORIOUS!
Le’ Napoleon’s Brigade is Even Piell, Obi Wan Kenobi, Skyfire, Hecate, Poison Ivy, The Spice Girls, Man at Arms & Teela in a Land Speeder, John McClane, Maverick & Astro-Droid #3 in a Y-Wing, Goose, Jaws, The Sando Aqua Monster, Leia Organa (Jedi), Coleman Trebor, Æon Flux, Fox (from Wanted) in the Bat Boat, Amazon (Princess Ororo), & Lara Croft.
Just moments before the Commandos are teleported to a rematch from not only the final week of this year’s regular season but also last year’s First Round Playoffs, Dr. Doom pulls Black Adam aside for a few words. “Teth, this is the most important battle of our team’s lives. I am entrusting you to do whatever it takes to secure a victory for The Commandos. I don’t care what Head Coach Obama says or thinks, do what must be done,” says Dr. Doom. “There’s nothing to concern yourself about, Doom. Just don’t forget our agreement,” replies Black Adam as he walks out of the locker room. Once they are teleported to the Playoff Planet, the Commandos are met by Le’ Napoleon’s Brigade, who are fully ready for a fight. Qui Gon Jinn motions for the rest of his team to stay back as he sees Obi Wan Kenobi walking out to meet him in the middle of the street of the city. They both ignite their lightsabers as they walk closer to each other. “Master Qui Gon you do not want to do this,” says Obi Wan Kenobi. “Neither do you my old Padawan. But we both know, sometimes there is no other option,” replies Qui Gon Jinn. They both are about to clash, but Maxima and John McClane both blindside the two Jedi Masters. Now Obi Wan and Qui Gon find themselves fighting side by side even though they are on opposite teams. Maxima fires several energy blasts at Obi Wan, but he is able to block them with his lightsaber. Qui Gon Jinn dodges John McClane’s bullets, as he is able to injure the New York City Detective’s arm with his lightsaber. Skyfire sees his teammate in trouble, so he dive bombs Master Jinn and fires his blasters at him. The Jedi Master is able to leap out of way and starts using his Jedi powers to scale the fire escape on the building next to him extremely fast. He leaps off of the top of the building and lands on the Autobot jet, who was making another pass. Skyfire then starts climbing high into the air, barrel rolling, trying to knock to Jedi off, but he is able to hang on. Qui Gon then ignites his lightsaber and drives deep into Skyfire’s hull, destroying his spark. Skyfire then plummets to the ground, with Qui Gon calmly riding him down. At the last moment, he leaps off of Skyfire just moments before the transformer slams into a building. Obi Wan Kenobi meanwhile has been having no luck gaining an advantage over Maxima. But her arrogance finally gets the best of her, which Obi Wan quickly uses to his benefit. She flies in fast and close to land a powerful uppercut, but Master Kenobi does a spin move, which evades her attack and slices her head off with his lightsaber all in the same motion. Qui Gon Jinn then lands back down on the street, yet again staring his old Padawan in the face. This time they are not blindsided by other opponents and are able to finally engage each other in battle. Qui Gon is slow and methodical, while Obi Wan has adjusted his technique to a much faster method of attack. Master Kenobi then in an amazing feat of speed and agility, does like three flips in a matter of seconds and reluctantly strikes his old Master down with his lightsaber. As Qui Gon gasps his last breaths, Obi Wan kneels down next to him as says, “I’m sorry Master Qui Gon. I had no other choice.” “Do not be…sorry Obi Wan. You…have made…me...proud. Your…skills are...more than I could……” replies Qui Gon as he dies. John McClane walks up behind Obi Wan and puts his hand on the Jedi’s shoulder. “Come on Obi Wan, there’s a lot more to this fight before we’re done,” says McClane. Jaws and The Sando Aqua Monster both are impatiently swimming around the water, waiting for their chance to attack. But what neither expected, they soon find themselves as the prey instead of the hunters, as The Cloverfield Monster erupts out of the water and quickly eats Jaws. The Sando Aqua Monster grabs a hold of one of Cloverfield’s front legs and drags him down underwater. Multiple parasites swim off of Cloverfield’s body and starts attacking The Sando Aqua Monster, but it refuses to go down without a fight. They both viciously attack each other as they sink deeper into the abyss and their demise. Back up in space, Maverick in a Y-Wing is in a sweet dogfight with Steve Hiller, who is flying a X-Wing. The two pilots are extremely well matched, both evading each other’s attacks. Lazarus Long flies in to aid Capt. Hiller in his Tie Bomber along with Warf and Astro-Droid #20 aboard their Y-Wing. Hiller, Long, and Warf then work together to blast Maverick and Astro-Droid #3 out of the sky. Capt. Hiller however isn’t able to light his “Fat Lady Cigar,” because Hecate flies in with her massive spaceship body and blows his X-Wing away. She then quickly blows Warf’s Y-Wing away as well. Lazarus Long with his vast experience is able to evade Hecate’s attack and immediately calls for reinforcements. Agamemnon then flies in to attack his fellow Titan. They both start firing on each other with no regard of their own well-being. The two Cymek Titans continue to wage war on each other as Dave Bowman: The Starchild appears before him. He sees this violent and destructive battle between these two behemoths and decides that it would be better if they both were removed from existence. Which is exactly what he does, even though Agamemnon is a teammate of his. Back on the Playoff Planet, Even Piell, Coleman Trebor, Leia Organa and Obi Wan Kenobi form up by the water and work on a game plan. Just then, however, the injured Cloverfield Monster erupts from the water, victorious from his fight against The Sando Aqua Monster and kills Coleman Trebor. Even Piell slices several parasites in half as they jump off of Cloverfield’s body. One of the giant monster’s external esophagi comes straight for Leia, but she is able to slice a part of it off with her lightsaber. Even Piell and Obi Wan Kenobi then use their Force abilities to leap up on to the monster’s head, but Mast Piell knows that this is an unwinable attack and Force pushes Obi Wan off of Cloverfield. He then starts hacking away at the monster’s head with his lightsaber, even though a parasite has sliced Even’s back open. The Jedi Master continues his assault on The Cloverfield Monster, finally defeating it, but at the cost of his own life. Amazon then takes to the skies only to be confronted by Parallax. She immediately tries to uses her vast weather powers, but Parallax senses her extreme fear of drowning. The fear entity capitalizes on this and overwhelms Amazon and blasts her away with his power. Back in the city, Ahmed Best bobbles his way down a street only to be surrounded by the Spice Girls, or should I say Katrina Highkick, Trixie Firecracker, Kung Fu Candy, Midnight Miss Suki, and Blazin' Bad Zula. The five techo-warrior-popstars completely and horrifically rip apart the poor Ahmed Best. They then try to engage Ms. Marvel, thinking that they can kill her just as easily. However, unfortunately for them and unlike Ms. Marvel, they don’t actually have superpowers. Ms. Marvel quickly flies through the air and easily kills all five Spice Girls. Ms. Marvel is then shot at several times by Lara Croft, but she is able to dodge the bullets. She then flies up to the Tomb Raider and crushes her face in with a vicious right hook. Bizarro then smashes to the ground somewhere in the forest, only to be grabbed by the plants as if they were alive. Poison Ivy then walks out from behind a tree, controlling the plant life. Bizarro then uses his super strength to free himself from the plants. He then uses his heat breath to set ablaze not only most of the forest, but Poison Ivy as well. Fox, who is speeding by in the Batboat, is now shooting at Rodimus Prime. She’s finding her target with every shot, but let’s be honest, the bullets just aren’t getting the job done against the Autobot leader. Rodimus pulls his photon eliminator out and blows the Batboat to pieces. John McClane meets back up with Obi Wan Kenobi and Leia Organa. “We are getting our asses handed to us out here!” shouts McClane. “We have to regroup with what’s left of our team,” replies Master Kenobi. They are able to find Æon Flux, Goose, and Man-at-Arms, who is with Teela aboard a Land Speeder. “F#$* this is it?! You’ve got to be kidding me?!” yells John McClane. Just then, Black Adam along with Bizarro, Ms. Marvel and Parallax show up. Without hesitation, Obi Wan and Leia both leap into action and drive their lightsabers deep into Bizarro’s chest, killing the powerhouse. Æon Flux tries to uses her incredible fighting skills against Black Adam, but he simply punches right through her head. Goose, who at this point is completely freaking out is easily dispatched by Parallax. Rodimus Prime then arrives to aid his teammates. He takes aim and blows up the Land Speeder, killing Teela in the process. Man-at-Arms then enraged by his daughter’s death, charges towards Rodimus Prime, but Lazarus Long flies in, ejects from his Tie Bomber and stabs Man-at-Arms with his sword. Obi Wan Kenobi then attacks Lazarus Long. He tries to keep up with the Jedi Master, but Obi Wan’s lightsaber skills are too much for him to handle, and he eventually falls. Leia moves against Ms. Marvel, but she finds her self double-teamed by her and Parallax. She tries her best, but is blown away by their combined energy. John McClane looks over at his last teammate, Obi Wan Kenobi, and says “F#$* it!” as they both charge at the remaining Commando forces. Just then, Dave Bowman makes another appearance and makes McClane and Kenobi disappear, sparing them from what was sure to be a gruesome death.
POP SUPERSTAR HANNAH MONTANA AND PRESIDENT BARACK OBAMA’S “BEST OF BOTH WORLDS” TOURING BATTALION OF COMMANDOS ARE VICTORIOUS!
The Horsemen of Apokolips Vs. The Untouchables
The Horsemen of Apokolips are Luke Skywalker Grand Jedi Master & Astro-Droid #11 in a Y-Wing, Achilles, Supergirl, Superboy Prime, The Sentry, Exitar the Exterminator, Sinestro, The Joker, Bellatrix Lestrange, Sandworm #14, Sea Worm #8, & Josh Houslander on The Batcycle.
The Untouchables are Onslaught, The Fantastic Four: Mr. Fantastic, Invisible Woman, Human Torch, & The Thing in Malevolence, Slippy Toad in an Arwing, (Green Lantern) Sinestro, Tomar Tu, Eclipso, The Female Furies: Gillotina, Lishina, Stompa, Berenadeth, & Mad Harriet, She-Hulk, Granny Goodness, The Constructicons, Merlin, & Legolas.
Up in space, Mr. Fantastic, Invisible Woman, & Human Torch have their hands full keeping The Malevolence going while they are being flanked on both sides by Slippy Toad in his Arwing and The thing in The Soulless One (The Malevolence’s personal attack craft). The rest of The Untouchables forces are in the city area of The Play-off planet where they are basically stuck because they don’t wish to travel into the bordering desert area which is being patrolled by Sandworm #14. Horsemen Head Coach Hannibal Lectur and Darkseid spoke to the team before the match and told them that Onslaught was going to have to be the main focus of the team if they were going to win the match. Exitar views the landscape and takes in the abilities of his enemies. The Celestial killer uses his super-advanced intellect to decipher who his biggest threats are and then jumps into action. The Celestial surprisingly does not go for Onslaught (perhaps Exitar thought that his mixed metal armor made him vulnerable). Instead Exitar attacks The Female Furies. The Furies welcome the attack and move against the huge Celestial but within moments, Exitar Exterminates all 5 of them with ease. The Constructicons merge to form Devastator to attack the Celestial but the Decepticon Gestalt is still smaller than Exitar. The 2 begin to clash but Exitar is able to overpower Devastator as well. Even with Devastator’s amazing strength he is unable to any real damage to Exitar. Exitar then begins flying out of the planet’s atmosphere where Luke is already headed in his Y-Wing toward The Fantastic Four. Tomar Tu and (GL) Sinestro fly up behind the Celestial to see if they can lend a hand to The Fantastic Four and Slippy Toad. Supergirl, Superboy Prime, & The Sentry all square off against Onslaught. Onslaught has had an amazing season this year and is accredited with The Untouchables turning their team around and becoming play-off contenders. Onslaught uses his magnetic abilities to pick up the wreckage of what was once The Constructicons and begins throwing it at his 3 attackers. The 3 super-powered Horsemen rush in towards Onslaught in an attempt to physically overwhelm which seems to work at first. Onslaught takes an incredible beating from the 3 but he manages to get a hold of The Sentry and once he does he breaks into The Sentry’s fragile mind and rips him apart from the inside out. This attack works well but Supergirl and Superboy use it to their advantage. While Onslaught is killing The Sentry the 2 Kryptonians use a mix of Heat Vision and Super Strength to overwhelm and kill Onslaught. Sinestro begins fighting with Eclipso while Legolas takes aim at Achilles with his bow. Legolas’ shots are dead on but Achilles hides behind his shield to stay safe. Achilles continues to run toward the elf until he is close enough to toss his shield and knock the bow out of Legolas’s hands. Legolas quickly pulls out his 2 Elven short swords but he knows before the fight even begins that his strong suit is his bow not his hand to hand skills and that when it comes to skills like that, there is no one better than Achilles. The 2 of them engage in a fierce sword fight but in the end it is Achilles who comes out on top as he slices open Legolas’s chest with his broad sword. Bellatrix Lestrange tries a vicious attack spell out but before she can finish it Merlin counteracts the spell and casts another one of his own. With a Wave of his wand Lestrange is cast into nothingness by Merlin and his superior wizardry. The Joker tries to attack Granny Goodness from behind but he is unable to finish her off. Granny throws the Joker about 10 feet and then starts moving toward him to finish him off but Josh zips by on the Batcycle and scoops the Joker up. Josh takes off in the other direction while him and the Joker both same simultaneously “Hey, did you know that you are in the presence of royalty”? They both look at each other funny as The Joker says: “I’m the Clown Prince of Crime”, while Josh says: “That’s Cool, I’m the King of Crunk”. The Joker then adds that he believes that he Josh should let him drive because he has stolen enough bat vehicles in his day to be considered a professional but he then drops it when Granny Goodness reappears and swings a club at them. Josh gets away from the attack and then swings the Batcycle back around. He activates a grappling hook off of the bike and which shoots directly into Granny’s neck to kill her. Josh and The Joker start to do donuts to celebrate when She-Hulk takes her fist and pounds the front of the bike into the ground which sends both Josh and The Joker flying off the bike. The pissed off former Horsemen begins walking toward the 2 of them while they try to gain their composure. The Joker pulls out 2 knives while Josh pulls out his Wakisachi. She-Hulk says: “Well well well; look what couple of losers Darkseid started today. I see he didn’t have the guts to start Emma Frost against me…. That’s typical Horsemen bull crap. So instead I get the Clown Prince of Crap and The King of Crud, you 2 are A**holes even by Horsemen standards”. Josh yells “lets take her out” to The Joker but as they start to run towards her She Hulk just grabs both of them by the neck and then crushes both of their heads together. Luke senses that the crew aboard The Malevolence have something up their sleeves which is why he tries to attack the much larger ship from his Y-Wing. He is not given the opportunity though because The Thing and Slippy Toad instantly engage him in a dog fight. Back on the planet She-Hulk continues her rampage by ripping The Horsemen’s very first pick Achilles in half. High above this fight, but not in space Sinestro uses a huge yellow energy construct of gun to blow Eclipso into pieces. Mr. Fantastic uses his superior intellect to transfer the energy from The Malevolence’s lasers into the twin Ion Cannons. With this energy plus the master targeting of both Invisible Woman and Human Torch The Fantastic Four are able to target both The Horsemen’s Sandworm and Sea Worm from space. With this intense amount of power they are able to completely destroy the 2 worms before they even new they were being attacked. Luke shows his flying prowess by first taking out The Thing in The Soulless One and then taking out Slippy Toad despite the Toad having a much faster and more maneuverable ship then Luke does. Luke was forced to use up 2 of his advanced missiles to destroy the 2 fighter ships but Luke knows exactly where to target the rest of his missiles. He sends them all into the ship’s Shield generator to completely destroy it and then open it up for Exitar to attack. Exitar begins pounding on the ship and kills Invisible Woman in the process. Mr. Fantastic, in his rage then pulls out The Ultimate Nullifier (or one like it) and pulls the trigger to use it for the first time in this Universe’s history. Mr. Fantastic, with his amazing level of intelligence has enough understanding of The Celestial race that the weapon actually works and destroys both Exitar and himself. Luke is shocked by this development and is then hit by some green energy from Sinestro and Tomar Tu. Luke is forced to eject from his Y-Wing onto the Malevolence which is already about to blow as well. Luke pops out of his Y-Wing’s ejection pod and starts racing toward an escape pod when he is met in the ship’s hallway by Human Torch. Luke uses the force to extinguish Johnny Storm’s flames and then uses his lightsaber to finish him off before he gets into one of The Malevolence’s escape pods and shoots himself back to the Play-Off Planet just before The Malevolence explodes. The 2 devastated teams regroup back on the surface where the 2 Sinestro’s cannot help but fight with the other version of themselves. The 2 of them take flight high above the water area of the planet and begin to do battle. Superboy takes advantage of his dislike for the green lantern corps as well which causes him to do the same thing with Tomar Tu above the Desert area of the planet. Luke pops out of the escape pod ready to fight and attacks Merlin. Luke attempts several force pushes but Merlin’s magic protects him from the force’s invisible movements. Merlin then casts a spell which affects Supergirl and slightly weakens her. Supergirl and She-Hulk then begin brawling fiercely. Merlin wants to interfere but when he sees Luke running his way he instead aims a lighting spell at Luke. Luke somersaults out of the way and then throws his lightsaber which connects with Merlin’s forehead to kill him. The enraged She-Hulk is having the match of her career as she finally gets the opportunity to fight back against the team that she feels wronged her so severely. Supergirl swings at She-Hulk but Barb gets out of the way just in time. She-Hulk then catches Supergirl with an amazing 2 handed uppercut to the neck which actually breaks Supergirl’s neck and kills her. Superboy manages to fight thru Tomar tu’s attacks and rip the green lantern’s torso off while Sinestro and Sinestro were still battling. Green Lantern rings and Yellow Lantern rings both have the awesome ability to basically do anything they want but Yellow rings have one specialty that comes in real handy and that is destroying Green Rings. This plus the added experience of the older and meaner Sinestro causes the Horsemen Sinestro to come out on top. She Hulk stands over the dead body of Supergirl ready to take on the entire league when she is surrounded by Sinestro, Superboy, and Luke. She Hulk looks at the 3 of them and screams: “BRING IT”! While Sinestro calmly says to her: “You know She Hulk, as the only person left in this match who was on The Horsemen with you, I would like to say about that trade; that for the record I always thought we got ripped off”. With those words the 3 remaining Horsemen power houses converge on She Hulk and grant her her last stand.
THE HORSEMEN OF APOKOLIPS ARE VICTORIOUS!
The Untouchables are Onslaught, The Fantastic Four: Mr. Fantastic, Invisible Woman, Human Torch, & The Thing in Malevolence, Slippy Toad in an Arwing, (Green Lantern) Sinestro, Tomar Tu, Eclipso, The Female Furies: Gillotina, Lishina, Stompa, Berenadeth, & Mad Harriet, She-Hulk, Granny Goodness, The Constructicons, Merlin, & Legolas.
Up in space, Mr. Fantastic, Invisible Woman, & Human Torch have their hands full keeping The Malevolence going while they are being flanked on both sides by Slippy Toad in his Arwing and The thing in The Soulless One (The Malevolence’s personal attack craft). The rest of The Untouchables forces are in the city area of The Play-off planet where they are basically stuck because they don’t wish to travel into the bordering desert area which is being patrolled by Sandworm #14. Horsemen Head Coach Hannibal Lectur and Darkseid spoke to the team before the match and told them that Onslaught was going to have to be the main focus of the team if they were going to win the match. Exitar views the landscape and takes in the abilities of his enemies. The Celestial killer uses his super-advanced intellect to decipher who his biggest threats are and then jumps into action. The Celestial surprisingly does not go for Onslaught (perhaps Exitar thought that his mixed metal armor made him vulnerable). Instead Exitar attacks The Female Furies. The Furies welcome the attack and move against the huge Celestial but within moments, Exitar Exterminates all 5 of them with ease. The Constructicons merge to form Devastator to attack the Celestial but the Decepticon Gestalt is still smaller than Exitar. The 2 begin to clash but Exitar is able to overpower Devastator as well. Even with Devastator’s amazing strength he is unable to any real damage to Exitar. Exitar then begins flying out of the planet’s atmosphere where Luke is already headed in his Y-Wing toward The Fantastic Four. Tomar Tu and (GL) Sinestro fly up behind the Celestial to see if they can lend a hand to The Fantastic Four and Slippy Toad. Supergirl, Superboy Prime, & The Sentry all square off against Onslaught. Onslaught has had an amazing season this year and is accredited with The Untouchables turning their team around and becoming play-off contenders. Onslaught uses his magnetic abilities to pick up the wreckage of what was once The Constructicons and begins throwing it at his 3 attackers. The 3 super-powered Horsemen rush in towards Onslaught in an attempt to physically overwhelm which seems to work at first. Onslaught takes an incredible beating from the 3 but he manages to get a hold of The Sentry and once he does he breaks into The Sentry’s fragile mind and rips him apart from the inside out. This attack works well but Supergirl and Superboy use it to their advantage. While Onslaught is killing The Sentry the 2 Kryptonians use a mix of Heat Vision and Super Strength to overwhelm and kill Onslaught. Sinestro begins fighting with Eclipso while Legolas takes aim at Achilles with his bow. Legolas’ shots are dead on but Achilles hides behind his shield to stay safe. Achilles continues to run toward the elf until he is close enough to toss his shield and knock the bow out of Legolas’s hands. Legolas quickly pulls out his 2 Elven short swords but he knows before the fight even begins that his strong suit is his bow not his hand to hand skills and that when it comes to skills like that, there is no one better than Achilles. The 2 of them engage in a fierce sword fight but in the end it is Achilles who comes out on top as he slices open Legolas’s chest with his broad sword. Bellatrix Lestrange tries a vicious attack spell out but before she can finish it Merlin counteracts the spell and casts another one of his own. With a Wave of his wand Lestrange is cast into nothingness by Merlin and his superior wizardry. The Joker tries to attack Granny Goodness from behind but he is unable to finish her off. Granny throws the Joker about 10 feet and then starts moving toward him to finish him off but Josh zips by on the Batcycle and scoops the Joker up. Josh takes off in the other direction while him and the Joker both same simultaneously “Hey, did you know that you are in the presence of royalty”? They both look at each other funny as The Joker says: “I’m the Clown Prince of Crime”, while Josh says: “That’s Cool, I’m the King of Crunk”. The Joker then adds that he believes that he Josh should let him drive because he has stolen enough bat vehicles in his day to be considered a professional but he then drops it when Granny Goodness reappears and swings a club at them. Josh gets away from the attack and then swings the Batcycle back around. He activates a grappling hook off of the bike and which shoots directly into Granny’s neck to kill her. Josh and The Joker start to do donuts to celebrate when She-Hulk takes her fist and pounds the front of the bike into the ground which sends both Josh and The Joker flying off the bike. The pissed off former Horsemen begins walking toward the 2 of them while they try to gain their composure. The Joker pulls out 2 knives while Josh pulls out his Wakisachi. She-Hulk says: “Well well well; look what couple of losers Darkseid started today. I see he didn’t have the guts to start Emma Frost against me…. That’s typical Horsemen bull crap. So instead I get the Clown Prince of Crap and The King of Crud, you 2 are A**holes even by Horsemen standards”. Josh yells “lets take her out” to The Joker but as they start to run towards her She Hulk just grabs both of them by the neck and then crushes both of their heads together. Luke senses that the crew aboard The Malevolence have something up their sleeves which is why he tries to attack the much larger ship from his Y-Wing. He is not given the opportunity though because The Thing and Slippy Toad instantly engage him in a dog fight. Back on the planet She-Hulk continues her rampage by ripping The Horsemen’s very first pick Achilles in half. High above this fight, but not in space Sinestro uses a huge yellow energy construct of gun to blow Eclipso into pieces. Mr. Fantastic uses his superior intellect to transfer the energy from The Malevolence’s lasers into the twin Ion Cannons. With this energy plus the master targeting of both Invisible Woman and Human Torch The Fantastic Four are able to target both The Horsemen’s Sandworm and Sea Worm from space. With this intense amount of power they are able to completely destroy the 2 worms before they even new they were being attacked. Luke shows his flying prowess by first taking out The Thing in The Soulless One and then taking out Slippy Toad despite the Toad having a much faster and more maneuverable ship then Luke does. Luke was forced to use up 2 of his advanced missiles to destroy the 2 fighter ships but Luke knows exactly where to target the rest of his missiles. He sends them all into the ship’s Shield generator to completely destroy it and then open it up for Exitar to attack. Exitar begins pounding on the ship and kills Invisible Woman in the process. Mr. Fantastic, in his rage then pulls out The Ultimate Nullifier (or one like it) and pulls the trigger to use it for the first time in this Universe’s history. Mr. Fantastic, with his amazing level of intelligence has enough understanding of The Celestial race that the weapon actually works and destroys both Exitar and himself. Luke is shocked by this development and is then hit by some green energy from Sinestro and Tomar Tu. Luke is forced to eject from his Y-Wing onto the Malevolence which is already about to blow as well. Luke pops out of his Y-Wing’s ejection pod and starts racing toward an escape pod when he is met in the ship’s hallway by Human Torch. Luke uses the force to extinguish Johnny Storm’s flames and then uses his lightsaber to finish him off before he gets into one of The Malevolence’s escape pods and shoots himself back to the Play-Off Planet just before The Malevolence explodes. The 2 devastated teams regroup back on the surface where the 2 Sinestro’s cannot help but fight with the other version of themselves. The 2 of them take flight high above the water area of the planet and begin to do battle. Superboy takes advantage of his dislike for the green lantern corps as well which causes him to do the same thing with Tomar Tu above the Desert area of the planet. Luke pops out of the escape pod ready to fight and attacks Merlin. Luke attempts several force pushes but Merlin’s magic protects him from the force’s invisible movements. Merlin then casts a spell which affects Supergirl and slightly weakens her. Supergirl and She-Hulk then begin brawling fiercely. Merlin wants to interfere but when he sees Luke running his way he instead aims a lighting spell at Luke. Luke somersaults out of the way and then throws his lightsaber which connects with Merlin’s forehead to kill him. The enraged She-Hulk is having the match of her career as she finally gets the opportunity to fight back against the team that she feels wronged her so severely. Supergirl swings at She-Hulk but Barb gets out of the way just in time. She-Hulk then catches Supergirl with an amazing 2 handed uppercut to the neck which actually breaks Supergirl’s neck and kills her. Superboy manages to fight thru Tomar tu’s attacks and rip the green lantern’s torso off while Sinestro and Sinestro were still battling. Green Lantern rings and Yellow Lantern rings both have the awesome ability to basically do anything they want but Yellow rings have one specialty that comes in real handy and that is destroying Green Rings. This plus the added experience of the older and meaner Sinestro causes the Horsemen Sinestro to come out on top. She Hulk stands over the dead body of Supergirl ready to take on the entire league when she is surrounded by Sinestro, Superboy, and Luke. She Hulk looks at the 3 of them and screams: “BRING IT”! While Sinestro calmly says to her: “You know She Hulk, as the only person left in this match who was on The Horsemen with you, I would like to say about that trade; that for the record I always thought we got ripped off”. With those words the 3 remaining Horsemen power houses converge on She Hulk and grant her her last stand.
THE HORSEMEN OF APOKOLIPS ARE VICTORIOUS!
Thursday, May 28, 2009
BACKYARDIGANS' PRESS CONFERENCE
For all of you who either do not know me, or have not met me in battle as of today's date, allow me to introduce myself: I am Pablo of Beckerman's Backyardigan's Beeyatches!
I was told by my owner to state that my views do not necessarily agree with the views of the remaining Beeyatches. Blah. Blah. Blah.
So, this conference is addressed specifically toward TEAM. I know we have a Team Sleeping Pussy in the league. I would like to petition Commissioner Houslander to unilaterally change the name of TEAM to TEAM P.O.S.! "What does TEAM P.O.S. mean?" you may ask yourselves. Well, let me tell you. TEAM P.O.S. is a nice acronym for TEAM PIECE OF SH%T! That's right, TEAM PIECE OF SH%T!
How many of you in the FFL are sick and tired of TEAM hiding behind Unicron! Well, Unicron is NOT unfallible! It's a g#dd*mn robotic planet filled with sh%t and p$ss. I'm sick and tired of TEAM's owner putting Unicron in matches that he is too scared to use his "regular" characters in just so it will gain him another so-called win! To the owner of TEAM, I bet you used Unicron against us this week, didn't you! You g#dd*mned whore! You are just a g#dd*mned Unicron whore!
As for all other teams in the FFL - it was an honor to battle each and every one of you this year. I have profound respect for those who have made it to the playoffs without having to use Unicron.
If B3 does not make it to the next round of the playoffs this year, you all know that it is not because we lost to a better team, but only because TEAM PIECE OF SH%T had Unicron in the match! If our team wins this week, it shows that justice is triumphant in the end; justice over an owner and TEAM that embarrass us all. . .
Thank you for the time.
-Pablo
I was told by my owner to state that my views do not necessarily agree with the views of the remaining Beeyatches. Blah. Blah. Blah.
So, this conference is addressed specifically toward TEAM. I know we have a Team Sleeping Pussy in the league. I would like to petition Commissioner Houslander to unilaterally change the name of TEAM to TEAM P.O.S.! "What does TEAM P.O.S. mean?" you may ask yourselves. Well, let me tell you. TEAM P.O.S. is a nice acronym for TEAM PIECE OF SH%T! That's right, TEAM PIECE OF SH%T!
How many of you in the FFL are sick and tired of TEAM hiding behind Unicron! Well, Unicron is NOT unfallible! It's a g#dd*mn robotic planet filled with sh%t and p$ss. I'm sick and tired of TEAM's owner putting Unicron in matches that he is too scared to use his "regular" characters in just so it will gain him another so-called win! To the owner of TEAM, I bet you used Unicron against us this week, didn't you! You g#dd*mned whore! You are just a g#dd*mned Unicron whore!
As for all other teams in the FFL - it was an honor to battle each and every one of you this year. I have profound respect for those who have made it to the playoffs without having to use Unicron.
If B3 does not make it to the next round of the playoffs this year, you all know that it is not because we lost to a better team, but only because TEAM PIECE OF SH%T had Unicron in the match! If our team wins this week, it shows that justice is triumphant in the end; justice over an owner and TEAM that embarrass us all. . .
Thank you for the time.
-Pablo
Wednesday, May 27, 2009
Season Two MVP: Silver Surfer
Congratulations to the Fantasy Fantasy League’s Regular Season Most Valuable Player…Silver Surfer! The performance he put on for his team, The Right Wing, was unparalleled. They had almost a .800 win percentage when he was in their starting lineup and they lost both matches in which he did not play. Opponents such as The Original X-Men, Alan Scott, Power Girl, Movie Megatron, and even a Sandworm all fell before the power of this cosmic being. Will his hot streak continue into the Playoffs? Only time will tell.
Tuesday, May 26, 2009
Monday, May 25, 2009
Consolation Match Week 1
Setting: Buffalo Wild in Indianapolis
Prize: A Rhino side by side 4 Wheel Drive
Points: 20
-The Syracuse Valley Vs. Michael Vick's Bad Newz Kennelz of Lurve
-Brock Sampson's Fighting Murderflies Vs. Built Ford Tough
-Better Than All of You Vs. Team Sleeping Pussy
-The Brotherhood of Evil Midgets Vs. Alice's Wonder Team
-Xavier's Annihilation Squad Vs. The Abomitrons
Prize: A Rhino side by side 4 Wheel Drive
Points: 20
-The Syracuse Valley Vs. Michael Vick's Bad Newz Kennelz of Lurve
-Brock Sampson's Fighting Murderflies Vs. Built Ford Tough
-Better Than All of You Vs. Team Sleeping Pussy
-The Brotherhood of Evil Midgets Vs. Alice's Wonder Team
-Xavier's Annihilation Squad Vs. The Abomitrons
Sunday, May 24, 2009
Built Ford Tough Vs. Michael Vick's Bad Newz Kennelz of Lurve
Built Ford Tough is Han Solo, Chewbacca, Indiana Jones, Diego, & Baby Jaguar.
Michael Vick’s Bad Newz Kennelz of Lurve are Marv, Gimli, Brandon Inge, & Battle Droid #1.
It is about midnight in Hale, Michigan as both teams enter Timbers Bar, where you will never find a more wretched hive of scum and villainy. Like most of the bar’s patrons both teams completely ignore the sign on the front door that says no guns or knives allowed: “Aye; it doesn’t say anything about axes” Gimli says with a smirk. As they walk into the smoky room, both the male and female bartender stop the teams before they can sit down. The woman behind the bar says to The Built Ford Tough squad “Honies, I don’t think you should be bringin yo’ baby in here” referring to Diego. While the male bartender says to the Kennelz crew “Hey! We don’t serve their kind”! Gimli begins to get indignant at this insult when Brandon Inge reveals to him that it is not dwarves he has a problem with but droids. The bartender finishes his statement with “Your Droid. He’ll have to wait outside”. Inge says to Gimli: “relax Gimli, there are women in this bar who are as hairy and ugly as you”. The Kennelz head to the back of the bar, but before they do Marv turns to Han Solo and says: “You don’t mind if we go back and have a few drinks, before we start this thing do ya”? “Fine by me” Solo replies. Marv, Gimli, & Brandon Inge walk past the soup bar and the pool tables and grab a table by the back window while Battle Droid #1 waits outside the door. Han, Chewie, Indy, & Baby Jaguar sit down at the first table next to the dart boards while Diego waits outside in the Century Falcon (that is the nickname for Han’s ’68 Oldsmobile 442 that they drove to the bar in). Marv & the boys order a round of Black Label and begin to discuss their battle plan which basically consists of drinking about 6 bottles of Black Label and then beating the crap out of these punks so we can get into the play-offs already. Han Solo and his crew sit a little quieter though as Han drifts off in a daydream about what happened to him earlier that day………………. Get ready for a flashback………………… Built Ford Tough Head Coach Sparky Anderson called Gen. Solo & Dr. Jones into his office the afternoon of today’s battle where the following conversation took place. Sparky says: “I’m starting the both of you today in the bar fight”. “Why would you do that”. Indy asks. “I want this G.D. game, that’s why”. Sparky says. Indy replies with: “We got the worst record in the league, it’s a S**t season, let’s throw a couple of Arachnids at it and be done with this year, it just doesn’t matter”. “It matters to the Untouchables” Han adds. Sparky talks over both of them and says: “I don’t care what it means, I want this match. That’s why I’m gonna roll out all the look-alikes. The 2 of you plus Jack Ryan & Harrison”. “No Way” says Solo, “If you play both of them, then there is no room for Chewie”. “Come on Han, we both know Chewie hasn’t gotten a good kill in 3 weeks. I need Jack & Harrison out there”. Says Sparky. Han replies: “I’m not doin it Sparky, it’s me and Chewie or nothing at all. It’s the end of the year skipper and I need it to be me and Chewie one last time”. “Alright have it your way, but I better not regret it”……. Back in present time at the table Indy turns to his teammates and says: “I’m still not sure what we’re doing here, I’ve been in a lot of shady bars all over the world, but I don’t think I have ever seen a place like this”. Chewie replies with something from his own language to which Han says: “It matters to The Untouchables Chewie”. Han then sees Marv and the boys get up from their table and start heading towards them. Marv stops when he sees a guy waving at flies slurring out the words “these bugs are buggin me”. Marv shakes his hand and says “Oh hey Tom, I heard you were dead”. Brandon Inge radios to Battle Droid #1 that it is time for him to ignore the bar’s rules and bust thru the front door to help them out but as the droid turns to do so Diego jumps out of the car and onto the droid’s back. Battle Droid #1 throws Diego off and takes aim but before he can shoot Diego, the kid picks up one of the rocks from the gravel parking lot and launches it at the droid, knocking the blaster out of its hands. Diego picks up the gun and shoots the droid’s head off and then runs into the bar to help out his friends. Diego is about to help them out when Brandon “the dirtiest player in the game” Inge throws a beer bottle at Diego to stun him. Inge then takes out his aluminum bat and finishes the child off. Chewie is enraged by this outrage and rips Inge’s arms out of his socket. Out of natural instinct the people at Timber’s feed the body parts to Baby Jaguar (there weren’t any pigs around). Indy swings his whip toward Marv but Marv puts up his arm and lets the whip wrap around it. Indy pulls him in close but then regrets turning the fight into one of close quarters. Indy is used to fighting and winning against dudes who are bigger than he is, but Marv is to much for him. Marv pulls out a knife and stabs Indy in the gut with it, giving it a good twist to make sure he is done for good. Chewie grabs a hold of Marv and the 2 start wrestling around destroying the bar around them with the fight. The bar patrons look over for a minute or 2 thinking that this fight is one of the worst they have seen at the bar in a while, but then they return to their drinks. Marv dishes out quite a beating to the Wookie but in the end Chewie gets his furry hands around Marv’s neck and then chokes him to death. Gimli is to late to save his buddy Marv but he does deliver a Axe to the back of Chewie’s head to kill the Wookie. Gimli swings his axe towards Baby Jaguar next but before he can connect with the weapon Han pulls out his blaster and puts a bolt right between the dwarf’s eyes. Han then walks up to bar and orders a Pabst Blue Ribbon for the road as he hollers for Baby Jaguar to follow him out.
BUILT FORD TOUGH IS VICTORIOUS!
Michael Vick’s Bad Newz Kennelz of Lurve are Marv, Gimli, Brandon Inge, & Battle Droid #1.
It is about midnight in Hale, Michigan as both teams enter Timbers Bar, where you will never find a more wretched hive of scum and villainy. Like most of the bar’s patrons both teams completely ignore the sign on the front door that says no guns or knives allowed: “Aye; it doesn’t say anything about axes” Gimli says with a smirk. As they walk into the smoky room, both the male and female bartender stop the teams before they can sit down. The woman behind the bar says to The Built Ford Tough squad “Honies, I don’t think you should be bringin yo’ baby in here” referring to Diego. While the male bartender says to the Kennelz crew “Hey! We don’t serve their kind”! Gimli begins to get indignant at this insult when Brandon Inge reveals to him that it is not dwarves he has a problem with but droids. The bartender finishes his statement with “Your Droid. He’ll have to wait outside”. Inge says to Gimli: “relax Gimli, there are women in this bar who are as hairy and ugly as you”. The Kennelz head to the back of the bar, but before they do Marv turns to Han Solo and says: “You don’t mind if we go back and have a few drinks, before we start this thing do ya”? “Fine by me” Solo replies. Marv, Gimli, & Brandon Inge walk past the soup bar and the pool tables and grab a table by the back window while Battle Droid #1 waits outside the door. Han, Chewie, Indy, & Baby Jaguar sit down at the first table next to the dart boards while Diego waits outside in the Century Falcon (that is the nickname for Han’s ’68 Oldsmobile 442 that they drove to the bar in). Marv & the boys order a round of Black Label and begin to discuss their battle plan which basically consists of drinking about 6 bottles of Black Label and then beating the crap out of these punks so we can get into the play-offs already. Han Solo and his crew sit a little quieter though as Han drifts off in a daydream about what happened to him earlier that day………………. Get ready for a flashback………………… Built Ford Tough Head Coach Sparky Anderson called Gen. Solo & Dr. Jones into his office the afternoon of today’s battle where the following conversation took place. Sparky says: “I’m starting the both of you today in the bar fight”. “Why would you do that”. Indy asks. “I want this G.D. game, that’s why”. Sparky says. Indy replies with: “We got the worst record in the league, it’s a S**t season, let’s throw a couple of Arachnids at it and be done with this year, it just doesn’t matter”. “It matters to the Untouchables” Han adds. Sparky talks over both of them and says: “I don’t care what it means, I want this match. That’s why I’m gonna roll out all the look-alikes. The 2 of you plus Jack Ryan & Harrison”. “No Way” says Solo, “If you play both of them, then there is no room for Chewie”. “Come on Han, we both know Chewie hasn’t gotten a good kill in 3 weeks. I need Jack & Harrison out there”. Says Sparky. Han replies: “I’m not doin it Sparky, it’s me and Chewie or nothing at all. It’s the end of the year skipper and I need it to be me and Chewie one last time”. “Alright have it your way, but I better not regret it”……. Back in present time at the table Indy turns to his teammates and says: “I’m still not sure what we’re doing here, I’ve been in a lot of shady bars all over the world, but I don’t think I have ever seen a place like this”. Chewie replies with something from his own language to which Han says: “It matters to The Untouchables Chewie”. Han then sees Marv and the boys get up from their table and start heading towards them. Marv stops when he sees a guy waving at flies slurring out the words “these bugs are buggin me”. Marv shakes his hand and says “Oh hey Tom, I heard you were dead”. Brandon Inge radios to Battle Droid #1 that it is time for him to ignore the bar’s rules and bust thru the front door to help them out but as the droid turns to do so Diego jumps out of the car and onto the droid’s back. Battle Droid #1 throws Diego off and takes aim but before he can shoot Diego, the kid picks up one of the rocks from the gravel parking lot and launches it at the droid, knocking the blaster out of its hands. Diego picks up the gun and shoots the droid’s head off and then runs into the bar to help out his friends. Diego is about to help them out when Brandon “the dirtiest player in the game” Inge throws a beer bottle at Diego to stun him. Inge then takes out his aluminum bat and finishes the child off. Chewie is enraged by this outrage and rips Inge’s arms out of his socket. Out of natural instinct the people at Timber’s feed the body parts to Baby Jaguar (there weren’t any pigs around). Indy swings his whip toward Marv but Marv puts up his arm and lets the whip wrap around it. Indy pulls him in close but then regrets turning the fight into one of close quarters. Indy is used to fighting and winning against dudes who are bigger than he is, but Marv is to much for him. Marv pulls out a knife and stabs Indy in the gut with it, giving it a good twist to make sure he is done for good. Chewie grabs a hold of Marv and the 2 start wrestling around destroying the bar around them with the fight. The bar patrons look over for a minute or 2 thinking that this fight is one of the worst they have seen at the bar in a while, but then they return to their drinks. Marv dishes out quite a beating to the Wookie but in the end Chewie gets his furry hands around Marv’s neck and then chokes him to death. Gimli is to late to save his buddy Marv but he does deliver a Axe to the back of Chewie’s head to kill the Wookie. Gimli swings his axe towards Baby Jaguar next but before he can connect with the weapon Han pulls out his blaster and puts a bolt right between the dwarf’s eyes. Han then walks up to bar and orders a Pabst Blue Ribbon for the road as he hollers for Baby Jaguar to follow him out.
BUILT FORD TOUGH IS VICTORIOUS!
Saturday, May 23, 2009
Pop Superstar Hannah Montana and President Barack Obama’s “Best of Both Worlds” Touring Battalion of Commandos vs Le' Napoleon's Brigade
Pop Superstar Hannah Montana and President Barack Obama’s “Best of Both Worlds” Touring Battalion of Commandos are Ben Kenobi, Azeem Edin Bashir al-Bakir, and Ahmed Best.
Le’ Napoleon’s Brigade is John McClane, Desmond Hume, Kate Austen, John “Sawyer” Ford, and Pee Wee Herman.
John McClane, Desmond Hume, Kate Austen, John “Sawyer” Ford, and Pee Wee Herman are all sitting at a table in the bar at Buffalo Wild Wings in Novi, Michigan. “I can’t believe we’re barely over .500 right now. We’re defending N.L. champs for Christ’s sake!” says John McClane as he knocks back a brew. “Hey at least we’re still in the playoffs. This year’s been rough for everyone,” replies Kate Austen. “The hell with that. All I’m saying is no one better come in here looking for a fight, cause I’m in the mood to kill someone,” fires back McClane. Just then Ben Kenobi, Azeem Edin Bashir al-Bakir and Ahmed Best walk into B-Dubs. “Aww God damn it!” McClane says as he tosses a beer bottle to the ground. All four members of Le’ Napoleon’s Brigade pull out guns and start firing at the Commandos. Errant shots pelt several waitresses including Lindsay and Sara, but smart thinking by Angela keeps her out of harm’s way. Ben Kenobi and Azeem are able to block the shots, which allows Ahmed Best to leap and tackle Pee Wee Herman off his bar stool. They proceed to get into the girliest slap fight one will ever see between two grown men. It’s so bad that Sawyer shoots both of them just so they would stop. Ben Kenobi then Force pushes McClane off his stool and over the bar. “Hey John, come out to the bar, drink some beer, have a few laughs,” McClane sarcastically mumbles to himself as he pulls shards of liquor bottles out of his arm. The three Lost characters then triple team Azeem and overwhelm him with bullets, but before he falls he launches his sword into the air and impales Desmond with it. As Desmond falls to the ground he says “Should have seen that coming.” Ben Kenobi then engages Sawyer and Kate with his lightsaber drawn. He immediately takes Sawyer’s left arm off, before taking Kate’s right arm off. Then with another couple swings of his lightsaber, he takes their other arms off as well. Now with both Kate and Sawyer unarmed (get it? HA!), the old Jedi Master makes quick work of them. “What the F*#& are you doing John? About to get killed by a Jedi, that’s what!” McClane grumbles to himself as he checks his gun. He then tosses a couple bottles of booze at Master Kenobi and shoots them with his gun, soaking Kenobi with liquor. This does not stall the Jedi from coming after the disgruntled detective. He jumps on top of the bar with his lightsaber drawn, but just as Ben lands, McClane lights a match and flicks it at the Jedi. The match ignites the liquor that was splashed all over Kenobi, which gives McClane the opportunity he needs. "Yippee ki-yay, m!#$%&*&^#@r!" John says as he fires two shots square into Ben Kenobi’s chest. He then climbs back over the bar and the moment he sits back down, Angela is already there with a fresh beer for him.
LE’ NAPOLEON’S BRIGADE IS VICTORIOUS!
Le’ Napoleon’s Brigade is John McClane, Desmond Hume, Kate Austen, John “Sawyer” Ford, and Pee Wee Herman.
John McClane, Desmond Hume, Kate Austen, John “Sawyer” Ford, and Pee Wee Herman are all sitting at a table in the bar at Buffalo Wild Wings in Novi, Michigan. “I can’t believe we’re barely over .500 right now. We’re defending N.L. champs for Christ’s sake!” says John McClane as he knocks back a brew. “Hey at least we’re still in the playoffs. This year’s been rough for everyone,” replies Kate Austen. “The hell with that. All I’m saying is no one better come in here looking for a fight, cause I’m in the mood to kill someone,” fires back McClane. Just then Ben Kenobi, Azeem Edin Bashir al-Bakir and Ahmed Best walk into B-Dubs. “Aww God damn it!” McClane says as he tosses a beer bottle to the ground. All four members of Le’ Napoleon’s Brigade pull out guns and start firing at the Commandos. Errant shots pelt several waitresses including Lindsay and Sara, but smart thinking by Angela keeps her out of harm’s way. Ben Kenobi and Azeem are able to block the shots, which allows Ahmed Best to leap and tackle Pee Wee Herman off his bar stool. They proceed to get into the girliest slap fight one will ever see between two grown men. It’s so bad that Sawyer shoots both of them just so they would stop. Ben Kenobi then Force pushes McClane off his stool and over the bar. “Hey John, come out to the bar, drink some beer, have a few laughs,” McClane sarcastically mumbles to himself as he pulls shards of liquor bottles out of his arm. The three Lost characters then triple team Azeem and overwhelm him with bullets, but before he falls he launches his sword into the air and impales Desmond with it. As Desmond falls to the ground he says “Should have seen that coming.” Ben Kenobi then engages Sawyer and Kate with his lightsaber drawn. He immediately takes Sawyer’s left arm off, before taking Kate’s right arm off. Then with another couple swings of his lightsaber, he takes their other arms off as well. Now with both Kate and Sawyer unarmed (get it? HA!), the old Jedi Master makes quick work of them. “What the F*#& are you doing John? About to get killed by a Jedi, that’s what!” McClane grumbles to himself as he checks his gun. He then tosses a couple bottles of booze at Master Kenobi and shoots them with his gun, soaking Kenobi with liquor. This does not stall the Jedi from coming after the disgruntled detective. He jumps on top of the bar with his lightsaber drawn, but just as Ben lands, McClane lights a match and flicks it at the Jedi. The match ignites the liquor that was splashed all over Kenobi, which gives McClane the opportunity he needs. "Yippee ki-yay, m!#$%&*&^#@r!" John says as he fires two shots square into Ben Kenobi’s chest. He then climbs back over the bar and the moment he sits back down, Angela is already there with a fresh beer for him.
LE’ NAPOLEON’S BRIGADE IS VICTORIOUS!
The Untouchables vs. TEAM
I have been appointed by my brethren Joshatu and Ryatu to watch the following Year 2, Week 11 Match: The Untouchables v Team. The Untouchables are Deadpool, Horatio Caine and MacGyver. TEAM is Yarael Poof, John Wayne, Musashi and Amy D'amico.
I transport the teams into The Lodge, except for Horatio Caine and Amy D’amico.
Horatio Caine (takes off his sunglasses): Ms. D’amico, tell me, I hear you’re going to be married soon, isn’t that right.
Amy D’amico: Yeah.
Caine: Ms. D’amico, do you recognize that this is a Death Match?
Amy D’amico: I do Detective Caine. But TEAM plans to win this match so it shouldn’t be a problem.
Caine: It may be a problem for you Ms. D’amico. [Caine puts his sunglasses on]. It may be a problem for you. [Caine walks into the bar in slow motion. . . followed by D’amico].
As the two walk into the bar they see the teams fighting one another. Musashi has his sword drawn and is approaching MacGyver. MacGyver has a matchstick, a bottle of Jim Beam, a dishrag and a piece of gum in his hands. He is quickly using these items to form a “special” MacGyver invention. As Musashi is about to slice the young adventurer in half, MacGyver shows that he has a Molotov cocktail in his hand. He has created this weapon by stuffing the dishrag in the bottle of Jim Beam and holding the rag in place with the piece of gum. He used the match to light his contraption. He throws the fiery cocktail at Musashi. Although Musashi smashes the bottle with his sword, the bottle’s flaming pieces strike the warrior. Musashi catches on fire and runs around the bar. He is shot and killed by Deadpool.
John Wayne sees Deadpool across the dance floor. The marksmen face each other.
John Wayne: Hello Pilgrim, let’s say we draw.
Deadpool (smiles to himself): Sure old man, don’t mind if I do.
Deadpool snatches a pen from a waitress pad on the floor. Wayne is taken aback as Deadpool shows him what he drew on the pad. It simply says “Bang!!!”
Wayne: Bang?!?!
Deadpool draws his weapon and fires, hitting Wayne squarely in the forehead. Wayne drops dead.
Deadpool: Yeah, like as in, you’re dead.
Yarael Poof has seen enough. He ignites his lightsaber and runs at both Deadpool and MacGyver. Deadpool fires his guns repeatedly at the Jedi Master. Poof easily deflects the bullets, which disintegrate into small pieces. Poof manages to deflect a spattering of pieces at MacGyver. MacGyver drops to the floor, mortally wounded. Horatio Caine sees his comrade fall. Caine takes off his glasses and bends down in slow motion to assist his comrade in his death.
Caine: What is it MacGyver? What can I do for you, my friend?
MacGyver: Tell my son, MacGruber, that I loved. . . . [MacGyver dies].
Caine (looks at MacGyver with remorse): I will my friend. I will.
Caine slowly gets up and sees D’amico picking up a broken bottle to use as a weapon. Caine walks toward her, gun drawn.
On the other side of the bar, one notices that Poof has gained ground on Deadpool. Deadpool must reload his guns, which is the instant that Poof has been waiting for. Poof takes advantage of the weapons’ interruption and decapitates Deadpool. Poof then looks over to see Caine walking toward D’amico.
Caine: Ms. D’amico, please put down the bottle.
D’amico: I don’t think so.
Caine: Amy! Don’t make me say it to you again! Put down the weapon!
Amy hesitates and puts the bottle down.
Caine: Remember what I told you earlier. This is a Death Match.
D’amico: I remember.
Caine: I have no pleasure in doing this Amy.
Caine raises his weapon, ready to fire at the woman. Amy thinks how much Ryan will miss her. Amy also thinks that Ryan will never be able to find someone as cool as her, especially since he is. . . Ryan. As Amy closes her eyes, Poof strikes and lops off both hands of Caine. Caine screams and falls to his knees. D’amico stands over Caine. D’amico now has the broken bottle in her hand.
D’amico: Horatio, never stand between a girl and her wedding.
D’amico slashes down with the bottle and slices his neck. Caine bleeds out.
Poof: Let’s get ready for more wedding planning, young lady.
D’amico: Sounds good to me.
Poof: I almost think that I enjoy it just as much as you do.
D’amico: Maybe you do Poofster. Maybe you do.
Untouchables: All dead.
TEAM: Yarael Poof and Amy D’amico alive.
TEAM IS VICTORIOUS!!!
I transport the teams into The Lodge, except for Horatio Caine and Amy D’amico.
Horatio Caine (takes off his sunglasses): Ms. D’amico, tell me, I hear you’re going to be married soon, isn’t that right.
Amy D’amico: Yeah.
Caine: Ms. D’amico, do you recognize that this is a Death Match?
Amy D’amico: I do Detective Caine. But TEAM plans to win this match so it shouldn’t be a problem.
Caine: It may be a problem for you Ms. D’amico. [Caine puts his sunglasses on]. It may be a problem for you. [Caine walks into the bar in slow motion. . . followed by D’amico].
As the two walk into the bar they see the teams fighting one another. Musashi has his sword drawn and is approaching MacGyver. MacGyver has a matchstick, a bottle of Jim Beam, a dishrag and a piece of gum in his hands. He is quickly using these items to form a “special” MacGyver invention. As Musashi is about to slice the young adventurer in half, MacGyver shows that he has a Molotov cocktail in his hand. He has created this weapon by stuffing the dishrag in the bottle of Jim Beam and holding the rag in place with the piece of gum. He used the match to light his contraption. He throws the fiery cocktail at Musashi. Although Musashi smashes the bottle with his sword, the bottle’s flaming pieces strike the warrior. Musashi catches on fire and runs around the bar. He is shot and killed by Deadpool.
John Wayne sees Deadpool across the dance floor. The marksmen face each other.
John Wayne: Hello Pilgrim, let’s say we draw.
Deadpool (smiles to himself): Sure old man, don’t mind if I do.
Deadpool snatches a pen from a waitress pad on the floor. Wayne is taken aback as Deadpool shows him what he drew on the pad. It simply says “Bang!!!”
Wayne: Bang?!?!
Deadpool draws his weapon and fires, hitting Wayne squarely in the forehead. Wayne drops dead.
Deadpool: Yeah, like as in, you’re dead.
Yarael Poof has seen enough. He ignites his lightsaber and runs at both Deadpool and MacGyver. Deadpool fires his guns repeatedly at the Jedi Master. Poof easily deflects the bullets, which disintegrate into small pieces. Poof manages to deflect a spattering of pieces at MacGyver. MacGyver drops to the floor, mortally wounded. Horatio Caine sees his comrade fall. Caine takes off his glasses and bends down in slow motion to assist his comrade in his death.
Caine: What is it MacGyver? What can I do for you, my friend?
MacGyver: Tell my son, MacGruber, that I loved. . . . [MacGyver dies].
Caine (looks at MacGyver with remorse): I will my friend. I will.
Caine slowly gets up and sees D’amico picking up a broken bottle to use as a weapon. Caine walks toward her, gun drawn.
On the other side of the bar, one notices that Poof has gained ground on Deadpool. Deadpool must reload his guns, which is the instant that Poof has been waiting for. Poof takes advantage of the weapons’ interruption and decapitates Deadpool. Poof then looks over to see Caine walking toward D’amico.
Caine: Ms. D’amico, please put down the bottle.
D’amico: I don’t think so.
Caine: Amy! Don’t make me say it to you again! Put down the weapon!
Amy hesitates and puts the bottle down.
Caine: Remember what I told you earlier. This is a Death Match.
D’amico: I remember.
Caine: I have no pleasure in doing this Amy.
Caine raises his weapon, ready to fire at the woman. Amy thinks how much Ryan will miss her. Amy also thinks that Ryan will never be able to find someone as cool as her, especially since he is. . . Ryan. As Amy closes her eyes, Poof strikes and lops off both hands of Caine. Caine screams and falls to his knees. D’amico stands over Caine. D’amico now has the broken bottle in her hand.
D’amico: Horatio, never stand between a girl and her wedding.
D’amico slashes down with the bottle and slices his neck. Caine bleeds out.
Poof: Let’s get ready for more wedding planning, young lady.
D’amico: Sounds good to me.
Poof: I almost think that I enjoy it just as much as you do.
D’amico: Maybe you do Poofster. Maybe you do.
Untouchables: All dead.
TEAM: Yarael Poof and Amy D’amico alive.
TEAM IS VICTORIOUS!!!
Alice's Wonder Team Vs. The Syracuse Valley
Alice’s Wonder Team is Vampire #2 (Augustus Lamva), Vampire #3 (Bob), & Goblin #2 (Hoog).
The Syracuse Valley is Jedi Guardian #3 (Sen Ages), Jedi Padawan #37 (Tim Cheveldae (no relation to the all-star goalie)), Fire Bros #3 (Hotsie), Hammer Bros. #2 (Dead On), & Boomerang Bros. #1 (Aussie).
The Syracuse Valley have all grabbed seats at the bar at Livonia’s Leather bottle on Farmington Road. Denise brings them all some happy hour Bud Lights (except Boomerang Bros. #1, he only drinks Fosters), and then gives them a bubble so there next one can still be at the discounted price (what a gal). The Syracuse Valley have been thru a lot this season, and although they have actually made a little bit more out of this year then some expected (especially with their surprise win over N.L. champs Le’ Napoleon Brigade) they still have put a record amount of combatants into the Graveyard. Head Coach Mcgruff the Crime Dog has truly appreciated the contribution these 5 members have made to the team and their positive attitude which he believes has kept the team together thru the rough times. For a reward he has given the team credit card to Master Jedi Sen Ages and the boys so they could go have a good time. I believe his exact words were “Go take a bite out of fun”. Hotsie turns to his Bros and says “you know, I haven’t even gotten over the loss of Fire Bros. #1 yet; and now that Fire Bros. #2 is gone as well, I just don’t know what to do with myself”. Sen Ages says “It’s rough isn’t it. I admit it, I even miss Darth Maul a little bit. I know we were on different sides of the force but he was a heck of a fighter. “Not to mention that Darth Rave just hasn’t been the same since he saw his master killed” Dead On the Hammer Bros. adds. Aussie the Boomerang Bros. then says “You sure are right about that mates. But do you know what blokes I think I miss the most are Soundwave and all his crazy tapes. I know that Ravage and Ratbat were always ripping up the furniture and all, but the practical jokes that Rumble and Frenzy used to play on the team; the stuff those 2 blokes did just never got old to me, it was brilliant”. Tim Cheveldae (again no relation) adds “yeah Aussie, Master Sen and I were just saying the other day that the other 4 tapes just seem lost without Soundwave there to keep them warm and energized at night in his chest cavity/tape deck”. As the Valley orders their next round Denise gives them one more bubble each (even though it is technically 2 minutes past the happy hour deadline; now that is service you just can’t get anywhere else). While Sen, Tim, Hotsie, Dead On, & Aussie all start on their next beers 3 hooded figures enter the bar. As the squad’s unofficial leader Augustus Lamvas approaches the bar Denise puts down a napkin and says: “What are you drinkin honey”. Augustus pulls off his hood and smiles at her revealing his sharpened teeth and replies with the word “Blood” as he takes his nails and rips open the jugular vein of Dead On to kill him. At this opening move Bob and Hoog jump into action while Sen Ages and his squad pop out of their stools ready for a fight. Bob Lunges thru the fire attacks of Hotsie and bites his neck saying “MMM Spicy” on his way to attack Aussie. Aussie launches his Boomerang at Bob but the quick reflexed Vampire ducks under it and continues moving towards him. Bob is in mid jump toward Aussie when his boomerang returns and cuts off the vampire’s head before Aussie catches it. “No worries, tis Nothin to lose your head over mate”. Aussie says with a cheery chuckle to Bob’s both dead and undead body. Hoog the Goblin pulls out his short sword/knife combo and attacks Sen Ages. Hoog may be a fierce fighter, but Sen is to quick for the goblin. He dodges Hoog’s initial attack and then ignites his lightsaber and stabs him thru the heart. Despite Denise’s warnings from behind the bar Augustus jumps up behind Aussie before he can get his Boomerang off and rips into the Boomerang Bros. The quick moving Augustus then leaps toward Sen Ages. Sen goes in for the kill but Augustus moves out of the way. The lightsaber swing removes 3 of the vampire’s fingers but it does not seem to slow him down in the least. Augustus grabs the Jedi’s wrist and begins squeezing, causing him to lose his grip on the weapon. Augustus then bites the neck of the disarmed Jedi Guardian to kill him. “NOOOOOO” Tim screams as he sees the death of his master. Tim lunges at Augustus but the vampire dodges his attack. The 2 opponents square off against one another. Augustus lets his rage and bloodlust take over while Tim attempts to use the force to calm his nerves just like his master Sen Ages has taught him. Tim stands back patiently waiting for Augustus Lamva’s attack and when he does Tim waits until the last second to move out of the way and kill Augustus with a head removing swing of his lightsaber.
THE SYRACUSE VALLEY IS VICTORIOUS!
The Syracuse Valley is Jedi Guardian #3 (Sen Ages), Jedi Padawan #37 (Tim Cheveldae (no relation to the all-star goalie)), Fire Bros #3 (Hotsie), Hammer Bros. #2 (Dead On), & Boomerang Bros. #1 (Aussie).
The Syracuse Valley have all grabbed seats at the bar at Livonia’s Leather bottle on Farmington Road. Denise brings them all some happy hour Bud Lights (except Boomerang Bros. #1, he only drinks Fosters), and then gives them a bubble so there next one can still be at the discounted price (what a gal). The Syracuse Valley have been thru a lot this season, and although they have actually made a little bit more out of this year then some expected (especially with their surprise win over N.L. champs Le’ Napoleon Brigade) they still have put a record amount of combatants into the Graveyard. Head Coach Mcgruff the Crime Dog has truly appreciated the contribution these 5 members have made to the team and their positive attitude which he believes has kept the team together thru the rough times. For a reward he has given the team credit card to Master Jedi Sen Ages and the boys so they could go have a good time. I believe his exact words were “Go take a bite out of fun”. Hotsie turns to his Bros and says “you know, I haven’t even gotten over the loss of Fire Bros. #1 yet; and now that Fire Bros. #2 is gone as well, I just don’t know what to do with myself”. Sen Ages says “It’s rough isn’t it. I admit it, I even miss Darth Maul a little bit. I know we were on different sides of the force but he was a heck of a fighter. “Not to mention that Darth Rave just hasn’t been the same since he saw his master killed” Dead On the Hammer Bros. adds. Aussie the Boomerang Bros. then says “You sure are right about that mates. But do you know what blokes I think I miss the most are Soundwave and all his crazy tapes. I know that Ravage and Ratbat were always ripping up the furniture and all, but the practical jokes that Rumble and Frenzy used to play on the team; the stuff those 2 blokes did just never got old to me, it was brilliant”. Tim Cheveldae (again no relation) adds “yeah Aussie, Master Sen and I were just saying the other day that the other 4 tapes just seem lost without Soundwave there to keep them warm and energized at night in his chest cavity/tape deck”. As the Valley orders their next round Denise gives them one more bubble each (even though it is technically 2 minutes past the happy hour deadline; now that is service you just can’t get anywhere else). While Sen, Tim, Hotsie, Dead On, & Aussie all start on their next beers 3 hooded figures enter the bar. As the squad’s unofficial leader Augustus Lamvas approaches the bar Denise puts down a napkin and says: “What are you drinkin honey”. Augustus pulls off his hood and smiles at her revealing his sharpened teeth and replies with the word “Blood” as he takes his nails and rips open the jugular vein of Dead On to kill him. At this opening move Bob and Hoog jump into action while Sen Ages and his squad pop out of their stools ready for a fight. Bob Lunges thru the fire attacks of Hotsie and bites his neck saying “MMM Spicy” on his way to attack Aussie. Aussie launches his Boomerang at Bob but the quick reflexed Vampire ducks under it and continues moving towards him. Bob is in mid jump toward Aussie when his boomerang returns and cuts off the vampire’s head before Aussie catches it. “No worries, tis Nothin to lose your head over mate”. Aussie says with a cheery chuckle to Bob’s both dead and undead body. Hoog the Goblin pulls out his short sword/knife combo and attacks Sen Ages. Hoog may be a fierce fighter, but Sen is to quick for the goblin. He dodges Hoog’s initial attack and then ignites his lightsaber and stabs him thru the heart. Despite Denise’s warnings from behind the bar Augustus jumps up behind Aussie before he can get his Boomerang off and rips into the Boomerang Bros. The quick moving Augustus then leaps toward Sen Ages. Sen goes in for the kill but Augustus moves out of the way. The lightsaber swing removes 3 of the vampire’s fingers but it does not seem to slow him down in the least. Augustus grabs the Jedi’s wrist and begins squeezing, causing him to lose his grip on the weapon. Augustus then bites the neck of the disarmed Jedi Guardian to kill him. “NOOOOOO” Tim screams as he sees the death of his master. Tim lunges at Augustus but the vampire dodges his attack. The 2 opponents square off against one another. Augustus lets his rage and bloodlust take over while Tim attempts to use the force to calm his nerves just like his master Sen Ages has taught him. Tim stands back patiently waiting for Augustus Lamva’s attack and when he does Tim waits until the last second to move out of the way and kill Augustus with a head removing swing of his lightsaber.
THE SYRACUSE VALLEY IS VICTORIOUS!
The Abomitrons Vs. Xavier's Annihilation Squad
The Abomitrons are Hancock, Joe Levine, & Ratta the Hutt.
The Annihilation Squad is Mary Embery & Lurch.
Abomitron Head Coach Alfred Pennyworth & Assistant Coaches Steve Yzerman were a little disappointed with the show that #1 draft pick Hancock and team veteran Joe Levine put on after they had to much to drink at the end of the year party, so as a punishment they have been assigned with the task of baby-sitting Ratta the Hutt over Memorial Day weekend. After they packed up Ratta’s diaper bag with small toads and a baby bottle full of slime they decided that the best place to take this child was naturally the bar. The 3 of them grab 3 seats at the bar at George Murphy’s on 7 Mile and begin to drown their sorrows. Joe lights up a Marlboro Medium 72 or whatever weird junk they had on special at the smoke shop and orders an ice cold Miller Light Boomba (beer of the month). Hancock digs the size of the glass that the beer comes in, but he orders his boomba with Jack Daniels in it (it’s nice to be on a team with Bruce Wayne & Tony Stark, where everybody gets an expense account and little things like this can go unnoticed). The 2 Abomitrons “yuck it up” in the bar while Ratta sleeps in the chair next to them (actually Ratta is wide awake they are just ignoring him). The 2 Abomitrons then order another round right before Joe turns to Hancock and says “Dude, is it just me or is this the greatest bar team ever assembled? I mean with your powers and ability to consume mass quantities of liquor we’re basically unstoppable in this setting”. Hancock replies with: “yeah, we are pretty awesome, I think…..”. Hancock’s thought is then interrupted by Joe who says “Holy crap! Look at the fun bags on this chick”! He says this of course as Mary Embery walks into the bar. Hancock turns to look over at the woman who has Joe so excited and says “Oh crap! Dude I think my incredible level of awesomeness that you were just talking about is about to die down”. A confused Joe says “Don’t tell me that that chick is making you the second most powerful dude in this room”? “Actually” Hancock replies “with that chick walking into this room, I am now the second most powerful person sitting at this bar”. Hancock is of course referring to the fact that once he and his counterpart Mary Embery are within close proximity of one another that there powers of super-human strength, durability, and flight are all erased and that they are no better than average humans. Mary Embery has an even better understanding of what happens when she and Hancock are close to each other due to the fact that she has no loss of memory of their long tenure together and that she hasn’t consumed 44 ounces of Jack. Mary Embery tells Lurch to attack Hancock which he does. The lumbering member of the Adams Family rushes at Hancock knocking both Joe and Ratta out of their chairs. Lurch grabs a hold of Hancock and begins strangling him. The bigger Lurch has no problem choking the life out of the power depleted Hancock even with Joe struggling to get up and pull Lurch off of his teammate. Hancock dies which bums out Joe a lot, but what really gets him mad is when he goes to pick up Ratta off the floor and realizes that the poor little Hutt is dead after landing on his head from the fall. Joe may not have outwardly shown a ton of affection for “Stinky” but he had grown pretty attached to the little guy and definitely didn’t want him to get hurt. Joe grabs his almost empty boomba and jumps off his bar stool to crack Lurch in the head with it (how else would Joe reach Lurch’s head). The enraged Joe uses the cracked beer mug to finish Lurch off and then says: “what a waste of 3 ounces of beer to Lurch’s dead body. Joe then turns to see where Mary Embery ran off to but right as he turns his head he is hit head on by 7 Iron that Mary Embery took out of one of the other patrons’ golf bags. Joe falls to the ground where Mary Embery beats the life out of him.
XAVIER’S ANNIHILATION SQUAD IS VICTORIOUS!
The Annihilation Squad is Mary Embery & Lurch.
Abomitron Head Coach Alfred Pennyworth & Assistant Coaches Steve Yzerman were a little disappointed with the show that #1 draft pick Hancock and team veteran Joe Levine put on after they had to much to drink at the end of the year party, so as a punishment they have been assigned with the task of baby-sitting Ratta the Hutt over Memorial Day weekend. After they packed up Ratta’s diaper bag with small toads and a baby bottle full of slime they decided that the best place to take this child was naturally the bar. The 3 of them grab 3 seats at the bar at George Murphy’s on 7 Mile and begin to drown their sorrows. Joe lights up a Marlboro Medium 72 or whatever weird junk they had on special at the smoke shop and orders an ice cold Miller Light Boomba (beer of the month). Hancock digs the size of the glass that the beer comes in, but he orders his boomba with Jack Daniels in it (it’s nice to be on a team with Bruce Wayne & Tony Stark, where everybody gets an expense account and little things like this can go unnoticed). The 2 Abomitrons “yuck it up” in the bar while Ratta sleeps in the chair next to them (actually Ratta is wide awake they are just ignoring him). The 2 Abomitrons then order another round right before Joe turns to Hancock and says “Dude, is it just me or is this the greatest bar team ever assembled? I mean with your powers and ability to consume mass quantities of liquor we’re basically unstoppable in this setting”. Hancock replies with: “yeah, we are pretty awesome, I think…..”. Hancock’s thought is then interrupted by Joe who says “Holy crap! Look at the fun bags on this chick”! He says this of course as Mary Embery walks into the bar. Hancock turns to look over at the woman who has Joe so excited and says “Oh crap! Dude I think my incredible level of awesomeness that you were just talking about is about to die down”. A confused Joe says “Don’t tell me that that chick is making you the second most powerful dude in this room”? “Actually” Hancock replies “with that chick walking into this room, I am now the second most powerful person sitting at this bar”. Hancock is of course referring to the fact that once he and his counterpart Mary Embery are within close proximity of one another that there powers of super-human strength, durability, and flight are all erased and that they are no better than average humans. Mary Embery has an even better understanding of what happens when she and Hancock are close to each other due to the fact that she has no loss of memory of their long tenure together and that she hasn’t consumed 44 ounces of Jack. Mary Embery tells Lurch to attack Hancock which he does. The lumbering member of the Adams Family rushes at Hancock knocking both Joe and Ratta out of their chairs. Lurch grabs a hold of Hancock and begins strangling him. The bigger Lurch has no problem choking the life out of the power depleted Hancock even with Joe struggling to get up and pull Lurch off of his teammate. Hancock dies which bums out Joe a lot, but what really gets him mad is when he goes to pick up Ratta off the floor and realizes that the poor little Hutt is dead after landing on his head from the fall. Joe may not have outwardly shown a ton of affection for “Stinky” but he had grown pretty attached to the little guy and definitely didn’t want him to get hurt. Joe grabs his almost empty boomba and jumps off his bar stool to crack Lurch in the head with it (how else would Joe reach Lurch’s head). The enraged Joe uses the cracked beer mug to finish Lurch off and then says: “what a waste of 3 ounces of beer to Lurch’s dead body. Joe then turns to see where Mary Embery ran off to but right as he turns his head he is hit head on by 7 Iron that Mary Embery took out of one of the other patrons’ golf bags. Joe falls to the ground where Mary Embery beats the life out of him.
XAVIER’S ANNIHILATION SQUAD IS VICTORIOUS!
Friday, May 22, 2009
The Right Wing vs. Brock Sampson's Fighting Murderflies
I have been appointed by my brethren Joshatu and Ryatu to watch the following Year 2, Week 11 Match: The Right Wing vs. Brock Sampson's Fighting Murderflies.
I have cleared the patrons from the Brewhaus located in Keego Harbor, Michigan so that the combatants may fight without distraction.
I transport The Right Wing to the bar. The Right Wing are Hulk, Scrappy-Doo and Ewok #74. I then transport Brock Sampson's Fighting Murderflies to the bar. The Murderflies are Lobo, Greedo, Ewok #5, Aunt May and Speedy Gonzalez.
Ewok #5 dispels with the battle and immediately jumps behind the bar. He reminds himself of the adage (in case he must fight later): “Liquor before beer, never fear. Beer before liquor, never sicker.” With that, Ewok #5 double fists a bottle of Tequila and Grey Goose Vodka. Aunt May approaches Ewok #5, meaning to confront the Ewok with a form of intervention.
Aunt May: You know #5, I believe you may have a drinking problem. I want to help.
Ewok #5 flips Aunt May the bird in defiance as he tosses the bottles currently in his paws away and grabs for bottles of Goldshlager and Dewars.
May: Listen #5, I want to help you.
Ewok #5: Oooneebeee! Ooogoocha! Beeeeeyaaaaaaccchhhhoooo! [Translation: Help this, b$@ch!].
Ewok #74 hears the confrontation between Ewok #5 and Aunt May. Ewok #74 slowly creeps behind the bar. He has heard enough from his Ewok brother. Not only has Ewok #5 embarrassed his team and insulted his teammate, but more importantly, he has disgraced his species. Ewok #74 finds a microphone stand near the bar and bashes Ewok #5 over the head. He then slides the mike holder off the stand and skewers Ewok #5. Ewok #5 is now an Ewok kabob. Ewok #5 slides down the pole, a bloody, alcoholic, (and dead) mess. At the shock of seeing this, Aunt May has a heart attack and dies.
Greedo is sitting at a table in the bar and finally wakes himself from a flashback of the Mos Eisley Cantina. He knows that this time “Greedo will shoot first!” He travels over to the bar and fires at Ewok #74, instantly killing the furry combatant. Greedo hears “Puppy Power” from behind. He notices Scrappy Doo jump from the top of the bar. The puppy barrels into Greedo and knocks him over. Scrappy Doo takes advantage of having the upper hand and begins to beat on Greedo. Greedo easily swipes Doo off of him. Before Scrappy can gain his footing, Greedo fires his blaster and scorches a hole through the pup. Scrappy Doo falls down, dead. Before he turns, Greedo is met by the right fist of the Hulk. The Hulk’s blow knocks Greedo into the wall. The Hulk then picks up a table and smashes Greedo into the wall further, encasing him in his own sarcophagus. Greedo suffocates and dies, a permanent fixture of the bar.
Speedy Gonzalez races around the Hulk’s feet. The mouse is too fast for the Hulk’s lumbering body. As the Hulk focuses on attempting to squash Speedy, he is struck by Lobo. The anti-hero biker and the Hulk fight with one another. Although the Hulk is stronger, he is more cumbersome in the small bar. Lobo’s agility and the fact that he is more adept in, and used to, the whole bar scene, plays to his advantage. Although the Hulk would probably dispel of Lobo in any other setting, Lobo manages to kill the Hulk in this instance. Lobo looks down at Gonzalez and smiles.
Gonzalez: Gran lucha mi amigo! Hemos expulsado butt! [Translation: Great fight my friend! We kicked butt!]
Right Wing: All dead.
Murderflies: Lobo and Speedy Gonzalez alive.
BROCK SAMPSON’S FIGHTING MURDERFLIES ARE VICTORIOUS!!!!
I have cleared the patrons from the Brewhaus located in Keego Harbor, Michigan so that the combatants may fight without distraction.
I transport The Right Wing to the bar. The Right Wing are Hulk, Scrappy-Doo and Ewok #74. I then transport Brock Sampson's Fighting Murderflies to the bar. The Murderflies are Lobo, Greedo, Ewok #5, Aunt May and Speedy Gonzalez.
Ewok #5 dispels with the battle and immediately jumps behind the bar. He reminds himself of the adage (in case he must fight later): “Liquor before beer, never fear. Beer before liquor, never sicker.” With that, Ewok #5 double fists a bottle of Tequila and Grey Goose Vodka. Aunt May approaches Ewok #5, meaning to confront the Ewok with a form of intervention.
Aunt May: You know #5, I believe you may have a drinking problem. I want to help.
Ewok #5 flips Aunt May the bird in defiance as he tosses the bottles currently in his paws away and grabs for bottles of Goldshlager and Dewars.
May: Listen #5, I want to help you.
Ewok #5: Oooneebeee! Ooogoocha! Beeeeeyaaaaaaccchhhhoooo! [Translation: Help this, b$@ch!].
Ewok #74 hears the confrontation between Ewok #5 and Aunt May. Ewok #74 slowly creeps behind the bar. He has heard enough from his Ewok brother. Not only has Ewok #5 embarrassed his team and insulted his teammate, but more importantly, he has disgraced his species. Ewok #74 finds a microphone stand near the bar and bashes Ewok #5 over the head. He then slides the mike holder off the stand and skewers Ewok #5. Ewok #5 is now an Ewok kabob. Ewok #5 slides down the pole, a bloody, alcoholic, (and dead) mess. At the shock of seeing this, Aunt May has a heart attack and dies.
Greedo is sitting at a table in the bar and finally wakes himself from a flashback of the Mos Eisley Cantina. He knows that this time “Greedo will shoot first!” He travels over to the bar and fires at Ewok #74, instantly killing the furry combatant. Greedo hears “Puppy Power” from behind. He notices Scrappy Doo jump from the top of the bar. The puppy barrels into Greedo and knocks him over. Scrappy Doo takes advantage of having the upper hand and begins to beat on Greedo. Greedo easily swipes Doo off of him. Before Scrappy can gain his footing, Greedo fires his blaster and scorches a hole through the pup. Scrappy Doo falls down, dead. Before he turns, Greedo is met by the right fist of the Hulk. The Hulk’s blow knocks Greedo into the wall. The Hulk then picks up a table and smashes Greedo into the wall further, encasing him in his own sarcophagus. Greedo suffocates and dies, a permanent fixture of the bar.
Speedy Gonzalez races around the Hulk’s feet. The mouse is too fast for the Hulk’s lumbering body. As the Hulk focuses on attempting to squash Speedy, he is struck by Lobo. The anti-hero biker and the Hulk fight with one another. Although the Hulk is stronger, he is more cumbersome in the small bar. Lobo’s agility and the fact that he is more adept in, and used to, the whole bar scene, plays to his advantage. Although the Hulk would probably dispel of Lobo in any other setting, Lobo manages to kill the Hulk in this instance. Lobo looks down at Gonzalez and smiles.
Gonzalez: Gran lucha mi amigo! Hemos expulsado butt! [Translation: Great fight my friend! We kicked butt!]
Right Wing: All dead.
Murderflies: Lobo and Speedy Gonzalez alive.
BROCK SAMPSON’S FIGHTING MURDERFLIES ARE VICTORIOUS!!!!
Thursday, May 21, 2009
George Washington's Slaves vs Better Than All of You
George Washington’s Slaves are Sgt. Slaughter, Mercer, Taurus, & Red Dog.
Better Than All of You is Snake Eyes and Gwar: Oderus Urungus, Flattus Maximus, Balsac The Jaws of Death, Beefcake the Mighty, Jizmack da Gusha, Slymenstra Hymen, The Sexecutioner, & Sleazey P. Martini.
Gwar comes busting wildly into Sandy’s By The Beech in Redford, Michigan, which The Renegades don’t take too kindly to. They stomp in there and start throwing their weight around, knocking down patrons. Sgt. Slaughter stands up and says to Oderus Urungus “At ease, disease. Welcome to Sandy’s.” Oderus then starts to piss all over the Sarge, which he receives a face full of fist for. Sgt. Slaughter then finishes off the leader of Gwar by grabbing a knife from the chef and jamming it into his throat. This causes Gwar to charge the rest of the Renegades, but if you’ve ever been at Sandy’s, you would know that there’s no way Gwar would be able to move around in their costumes inside the small bar. This allows the Renegades to quickly gain the upper hand on the metal band. Mercer takes out Sleazy P. Martini and Flattus Maximus as Red Dog kills Beefcake the Mighty. Balsac The Jaws of Death tries to break a chair over Taurus’s head, but he just laughs it off as he shoots Balsac away. Slymenstra Hymen then makes a really stupid mistake; she bumps into Colleen while she has a tray full of beers in her hands. See, even though there is an all out brawl going on, people are still ordering. Colleen grabs a broken bottle and grinds it into Slymenstra’s throat, causing blood to spurt and spray everywhere. “Goddamn annoying b!#%$,” Colleen says as she walks back to the bar to get more drinks. Sgt. Slaughter then wraps Jizmack da Gusha in a headlock and pulls back hard until he hears the pop of his vertebrae. The three Renegades then make quick work of The Sexecutioner. They then go to sit back down at their table, but Red Dog stops moving and then falls to the ground with a throwing star in the back of his neck. Before Taurus and Mercer can turn around and react, they both are shot several times in the chest. “Snake Eyes. I never thought I’d have to take you down,” says Sgt. Slaughter as he sees the last member of Better Than All of You, who was hiding and waiting. Snake Eyes then says… nothing. (Come on, you didn’t actually think I’d have Snake Eyes talk? The only thing more ridiculous than that would be for Superman to randomly show up and win a match for a team he’s not even on. And that would never happen. Right?) Sgt. Slaughter tackles Snake Eyes through the round table closest to the exit. Snake Eyes then leaps back to his feet and dropkicks the Sarge over the bar. As Snake Eyes jumps over the bar after him, Sgt. Slaughter grabs a hold of the ninja and slams him into the back of the bar where all the bottles are. He then brings his fists up into a double axe handle and starts slamming them down onto Snake Eyes chest. The ninja is then able to stick a knife into the Sarge’s leg, which allows him to roll back to his feet and then drive his katana blade into Sgt. Slaughter’s chest, finally finishing this fight.
BETTER THAN ALL OF YOU ARE VICTORIOUS!
Better Than All of You is Snake Eyes and Gwar: Oderus Urungus, Flattus Maximus, Balsac The Jaws of Death, Beefcake the Mighty, Jizmack da Gusha, Slymenstra Hymen, The Sexecutioner, & Sleazey P. Martini.
Gwar comes busting wildly into Sandy’s By The Beech in Redford, Michigan, which The Renegades don’t take too kindly to. They stomp in there and start throwing their weight around, knocking down patrons. Sgt. Slaughter stands up and says to Oderus Urungus “At ease, disease. Welcome to Sandy’s.” Oderus then starts to piss all over the Sarge, which he receives a face full of fist for. Sgt. Slaughter then finishes off the leader of Gwar by grabbing a knife from the chef and jamming it into his throat. This causes Gwar to charge the rest of the Renegades, but if you’ve ever been at Sandy’s, you would know that there’s no way Gwar would be able to move around in their costumes inside the small bar. This allows the Renegades to quickly gain the upper hand on the metal band. Mercer takes out Sleazy P. Martini and Flattus Maximus as Red Dog kills Beefcake the Mighty. Balsac The Jaws of Death tries to break a chair over Taurus’s head, but he just laughs it off as he shoots Balsac away. Slymenstra Hymen then makes a really stupid mistake; she bumps into Colleen while she has a tray full of beers in her hands. See, even though there is an all out brawl going on, people are still ordering. Colleen grabs a broken bottle and grinds it into Slymenstra’s throat, causing blood to spurt and spray everywhere. “Goddamn annoying b!#%$,” Colleen says as she walks back to the bar to get more drinks. Sgt. Slaughter then wraps Jizmack da Gusha in a headlock and pulls back hard until he hears the pop of his vertebrae. The three Renegades then make quick work of The Sexecutioner. They then go to sit back down at their table, but Red Dog stops moving and then falls to the ground with a throwing star in the back of his neck. Before Taurus and Mercer can turn around and react, they both are shot several times in the chest. “Snake Eyes. I never thought I’d have to take you down,” says Sgt. Slaughter as he sees the last member of Better Than All of You, who was hiding and waiting. Snake Eyes then says… nothing. (Come on, you didn’t actually think I’d have Snake Eyes talk? The only thing more ridiculous than that would be for Superman to randomly show up and win a match for a team he’s not even on. And that would never happen. Right?) Sgt. Slaughter tackles Snake Eyes through the round table closest to the exit. Snake Eyes then leaps back to his feet and dropkicks the Sarge over the bar. As Snake Eyes jumps over the bar after him, Sgt. Slaughter grabs a hold of the ninja and slams him into the back of the bar where all the bottles are. He then brings his fists up into a double axe handle and starts slamming them down onto Snake Eyes chest. The ninja is then able to stick a knife into the Sarge’s leg, which allows him to roll back to his feet and then drive his katana blade into Sgt. Slaughter’s chest, finally finishing this fight.
BETTER THAN ALL OF YOU ARE VICTORIOUS!
Wednesday, May 20, 2009
The Brotherhood of Evil Midgets vs Beckerman's Backyardigans Beeyaatches
The Brotherhood of Evil Midgets is Darth Yardigan & Usagi Yojimbo.
Beckerman’s Backyardigans Beeyaatches are Wolverine & War Skrull #4.
The Brotherhood members arrive at Mulligan’s Irish Pub on Newman Street in East Tawas, Michigan. The aroma of fried pickles fill the air as Usagi Yojimbo walks into the bar, followed closely behind by Darth Yardigan. “Let’s find these Backyardigans and end this quickly. I want revenge for them trading me as if I was unworthy of their ranks,” says the Sith Lord. “Patience, Yardigan. Besides, now you’re with us and you’re N.L.” replies Usagi. They quickly see Logan sitting at the bar out of his costume, smoking a cigar and drinking a beer. “Bubs, if I were you, I’d turn around and get out of here, cause you’d don’t want any of what I got,” Wolverine gruffly says to his opponents. Darth Yardigan ignites his lightsaber and takes a step towards Logan. War Skrull #4, who now has the combined powers of Doomsday and Wolverine, pops out of his seat and kicks Darth Yardigan back into the wall. Usagi Yojimbo leaps up on top of the bar and runs at Wolverine and with one quick swipe of his sword he cuts Logan’s cigar in half. “Oh Bugs, that was a stupid thing to do,” Wolverine says to Usagi. Snikt! Wolverine pops his claws and swipes at the samurai rabbit’s legs, but Usagi hops out of the way. He does a back flip off of the bar top and drives his sword deep into Wolverine’s back. Wolverine spins around, which forces Usagi to release his grip on his sword. Logan then lops Usagi’s head off with his adamantium claws. He lets out a sigh and says “Man, I liked you Bugs, I really didn’t want to do that.” He then pulls the sword out of his back, sits back down and orders another beer, only to find that the bartender is nowhere to be found. Logan climbs over the bar and helps himself to another beer. He then looks up and sees that Darth Yardigan is back on his feet and has just Force pushed War Skrull #4 into the juke box. The War Skrull regains his footing and lunges at Darth Yardigan with claws extended, but the Sith Lord gracefully flips over him, lightsaber drawn and cuts him right in half. As Yardigan lands, Wolverine takes a drink from his beer and without even turning his head says, “Nicely done, bub. Want a beer before we finish this?” “No, I want your blood on my hands now,” says Darth Yardigan. Logan pops one of his claws and draws it across his forearm. He then flicks some blood at Yardigan and says, “There. Now, it’s on ya. Gonna sit with me now?” Darth Yardigan gets enraged and rushes towards the mutant. Logan lets out another sigh and in one quick move, leaps off of his bar stool and smashes it in Yardigan’s face, which causes him to stumble back. Wolverine lunges at him and drives his claws deep into Darth Yardigan’s chest. He then picks up Yardigan’s lightsaber, ignites it and lights what’s left of his cigar with it. Wolverine then goes back behind the bar and grabs another beer. Just then a group of obnoxious twenty-somethings walk into Mulligan’s shouting “We run this! We run this!” Wolverine sighs yet again and says “So much for a nice quiet night.”
BECKERMAN’S BACKYARDIGANS BEEYAATCHES ARE VICORIOUS!
Beckerman’s Backyardigans Beeyaatches are Wolverine & War Skrull #4.
The Brotherhood members arrive at Mulligan’s Irish Pub on Newman Street in East Tawas, Michigan. The aroma of fried pickles fill the air as Usagi Yojimbo walks into the bar, followed closely behind by Darth Yardigan. “Let’s find these Backyardigans and end this quickly. I want revenge for them trading me as if I was unworthy of their ranks,” says the Sith Lord. “Patience, Yardigan. Besides, now you’re with us and you’re N.L.” replies Usagi. They quickly see Logan sitting at the bar out of his costume, smoking a cigar and drinking a beer. “Bubs, if I were you, I’d turn around and get out of here, cause you’d don’t want any of what I got,” Wolverine gruffly says to his opponents. Darth Yardigan ignites his lightsaber and takes a step towards Logan. War Skrull #4, who now has the combined powers of Doomsday and Wolverine, pops out of his seat and kicks Darth Yardigan back into the wall. Usagi Yojimbo leaps up on top of the bar and runs at Wolverine and with one quick swipe of his sword he cuts Logan’s cigar in half. “Oh Bugs, that was a stupid thing to do,” Wolverine says to Usagi. Snikt! Wolverine pops his claws and swipes at the samurai rabbit’s legs, but Usagi hops out of the way. He does a back flip off of the bar top and drives his sword deep into Wolverine’s back. Wolverine spins around, which forces Usagi to release his grip on his sword. Logan then lops Usagi’s head off with his adamantium claws. He lets out a sigh and says “Man, I liked you Bugs, I really didn’t want to do that.” He then pulls the sword out of his back, sits back down and orders another beer, only to find that the bartender is nowhere to be found. Logan climbs over the bar and helps himself to another beer. He then looks up and sees that Darth Yardigan is back on his feet and has just Force pushed War Skrull #4 into the juke box. The War Skrull regains his footing and lunges at Darth Yardigan with claws extended, but the Sith Lord gracefully flips over him, lightsaber drawn and cuts him right in half. As Yardigan lands, Wolverine takes a drink from his beer and without even turning his head says, “Nicely done, bub. Want a beer before we finish this?” “No, I want your blood on my hands now,” says Darth Yardigan. Logan pops one of his claws and draws it across his forearm. He then flicks some blood at Yardigan and says, “There. Now, it’s on ya. Gonna sit with me now?” Darth Yardigan gets enraged and rushes towards the mutant. Logan lets out another sigh and in one quick move, leaps off of his bar stool and smashes it in Yardigan’s face, which causes him to stumble back. Wolverine lunges at him and drives his claws deep into Darth Yardigan’s chest. He then picks up Yardigan’s lightsaber, ignites it and lights what’s left of his cigar with it. Wolverine then goes back behind the bar and grabs another beer. Just then a group of obnoxious twenty-somethings walk into Mulligan’s shouting “We run this! We run this!” Wolverine sighs yet again and says “So much for a nice quiet night.”
BECKERMAN’S BACKYARDIGANS BEEYAATCHES ARE VICORIOUS!
The Horsemen of Apokolips vs. Team Sleeping Pussy
I have been appointed by my brethren Joshatu and Ryatu to watch the following Year 2, Week 11 Match: The Horsemen of Apokolips vs. Team Sleeping Pussy.
I have located a bar with the name of “Flight Club.” Before transporting the teams to the location, I bring a black light into the establishment. Due to the tremendous amount of bodily fluid remnants, I am unable to establish locker rooms for this particular match. Notwithstanding, I see the rosters of the teams. The Horsemen are Sabertooth, Charlton Heston and The Kings of Crunk: Josh Houslander and Chris Artrip. Team Sleeping Pussy is Frances "Franco" Begbie, Mr. Joshua, William "Bill the Butcher" Cutting, Dirty Harry Calahan and Biff Tannen.
I transport the teams to the main floor of Flight Club. The Black Eyed Peas “Boom Boom Pow” blares on the speakers. I announce: “And now for your entertainment – let’s give a rousing cheer to both Candy and Blaire!!!”
Candy and Blaire come out of the dressing room and begin to dance on the stage (and its pole). The Kings of Crunk: Josh Houslander and Chris Artrip are immediately distracted and locate a booth in the back. They believe the booth will allow them the opportunity to enjoy the show without anyone actually noticing them. While the two are enjoying the female duo they are confronted by Charlton Heston.
Heston: You damn, dirty Kings of Crunk! This is a match for g@ddamn sake! Get up and get fighting!
Artrip and Houslander decide that they can fight and still enjoy Candy’s and Blaire’s tassels at the same time. Before entering the formal battle, Houslander rushes to the stage area and places a dollar bill in a strategic area. Candy kisses him and says: “For luck. . .”
Mr. Joshua is seen in the executive area watching Trixie and snorting a white powder. He screams in exhilaration and commences looking for a Horsemen victim. He is joined by William “Bill the Butcher” Cutting, with knives in both hands. The two approach Heston, who has left the Crunk duo, deciding the two are too easily distracted at the moment. The NRA-card-toting Heston pulls out a gun and fires at Mr. Joshua. Being completely obliterated, Joshua takes seven bullets before falling down and dying. Bill the Butcher, utilizes his skills and throws both knives at Heston before he is able to fire another shot from his gun. The knives pierce Heston’s eyes and throat. Heston falls dead. Bill the Butcher then locates the Kings of Crunk. The Butcher decides that they will be easy prey since they are still too distracted at the show going on (and the fact that Houslander is whining for Artrip to give him more dollar bills). Bill approaches the two, pulling out additional knives. Sabertooth pounces on the scene.
Sabertooth: No match for my knives, Butcher.
Sabertooth slashes Bill’s arms, causing the Butcher to drop his weapons. He is bleeding profusely and falls to the ground.
Sabertooth (looking at Houslander and Artrip): All yours boys. . .
Houslander and Artrip decide to begin and fight. They smash the glasses left on the tables and turn them into weapons. The duo then repeatedly stabs him. Bill the Butcher dies. Sabertooth looks for more meaningful prey.
Artrip and Houslander are then met by Frances “Frank” Begbie and Biff Tannen. Houslander, having just come from a fresh kill (and from a back hair waxing only days before), is revved up. He tears off his shirt. One of the dancers sees Houslander, rushes over to him and pours a greasy spray, often utilized by the women of the Club, over his body. Biff Tannen attempts to tackle Houslander, who without hair and all greased up, easily escapes. Houslander then smashes Tannen over the head with a chair, crushing his skull. Artrip, not wanting to be overshadowed by his brother-in-law, tears off his shirt too. Begbie, unfazed, begins to pummel Artrip. Thinking about his newborn, Ella, gives Artrip the strength to take on Begbie. Artrip eventually wins the fight and kills Begbie. Houslander and Artrip hug each other. Due to Houslander’s body spray, the men are now all greased up. The women dancers marvel at the sight of the near-Adonis duo.
Dirty Harry Calahan: Isn’t this a touching moment.
The Crunks look for weapons around them. They see broken bottles and a knife.
Calahan: Uh, uh, I know what you’re thinking.
Houslander: What?
Calahan: Are there six more women to dance today, or only five. . .
Artrip lunges for the knife. Calahan fires and hits him in the leg. Calahan then fires at Houslander, who slips because of all the grease on his body. Houslander is struck in the shoulder. The two Kings of Crunk are ready to die. As Calahan is about to fire he screams. Calahan looks down at his disemboweled body. Sabertooth, at the scene, smiles.
Sabertooth (looking down at a mortally wounded Calahan): I needed to make sure that my teammates and I were going to find out whether there were five or six dancers left to be seen. . . .
Five dancers later. . .
Houslander: I guess it was five dancers left.
Houslander, Artrip and Sabertooth enjoy some “pop” and special company for the remainder of the day.
Horsemen: Houslander, Artrip and Sabertooth alive.
SP: All dead.
THE HORSEMEN OF APOKOLIPS ARE VICTORIOUS!!!!
I have located a bar with the name of “Flight Club.” Before transporting the teams to the location, I bring a black light into the establishment. Due to the tremendous amount of bodily fluid remnants, I am unable to establish locker rooms for this particular match. Notwithstanding, I see the rosters of the teams. The Horsemen are Sabertooth, Charlton Heston and The Kings of Crunk: Josh Houslander and Chris Artrip. Team Sleeping Pussy is Frances "Franco" Begbie, Mr. Joshua, William "Bill the Butcher" Cutting, Dirty Harry Calahan and Biff Tannen.
I transport the teams to the main floor of Flight Club. The Black Eyed Peas “Boom Boom Pow” blares on the speakers. I announce: “And now for your entertainment – let’s give a rousing cheer to both Candy and Blaire!!!”
Candy and Blaire come out of the dressing room and begin to dance on the stage (and its pole). The Kings of Crunk: Josh Houslander and Chris Artrip are immediately distracted and locate a booth in the back. They believe the booth will allow them the opportunity to enjoy the show without anyone actually noticing them. While the two are enjoying the female duo they are confronted by Charlton Heston.
Heston: You damn, dirty Kings of Crunk! This is a match for g@ddamn sake! Get up and get fighting!
Artrip and Houslander decide that they can fight and still enjoy Candy’s and Blaire’s tassels at the same time. Before entering the formal battle, Houslander rushes to the stage area and places a dollar bill in a strategic area. Candy kisses him and says: “For luck. . .”
Mr. Joshua is seen in the executive area watching Trixie and snorting a white powder. He screams in exhilaration and commences looking for a Horsemen victim. He is joined by William “Bill the Butcher” Cutting, with knives in both hands. The two approach Heston, who has left the Crunk duo, deciding the two are too easily distracted at the moment. The NRA-card-toting Heston pulls out a gun and fires at Mr. Joshua. Being completely obliterated, Joshua takes seven bullets before falling down and dying. Bill the Butcher, utilizes his skills and throws both knives at Heston before he is able to fire another shot from his gun. The knives pierce Heston’s eyes and throat. Heston falls dead. Bill the Butcher then locates the Kings of Crunk. The Butcher decides that they will be easy prey since they are still too distracted at the show going on (and the fact that Houslander is whining for Artrip to give him more dollar bills). Bill approaches the two, pulling out additional knives. Sabertooth pounces on the scene.
Sabertooth: No match for my knives, Butcher.
Sabertooth slashes Bill’s arms, causing the Butcher to drop his weapons. He is bleeding profusely and falls to the ground.
Sabertooth (looking at Houslander and Artrip): All yours boys. . .
Houslander and Artrip decide to begin and fight. They smash the glasses left on the tables and turn them into weapons. The duo then repeatedly stabs him. Bill the Butcher dies. Sabertooth looks for more meaningful prey.
Artrip and Houslander are then met by Frances “Frank” Begbie and Biff Tannen. Houslander, having just come from a fresh kill (and from a back hair waxing only days before), is revved up. He tears off his shirt. One of the dancers sees Houslander, rushes over to him and pours a greasy spray, often utilized by the women of the Club, over his body. Biff Tannen attempts to tackle Houslander, who without hair and all greased up, easily escapes. Houslander then smashes Tannen over the head with a chair, crushing his skull. Artrip, not wanting to be overshadowed by his brother-in-law, tears off his shirt too. Begbie, unfazed, begins to pummel Artrip. Thinking about his newborn, Ella, gives Artrip the strength to take on Begbie. Artrip eventually wins the fight and kills Begbie. Houslander and Artrip hug each other. Due to Houslander’s body spray, the men are now all greased up. The women dancers marvel at the sight of the near-Adonis duo.
Dirty Harry Calahan: Isn’t this a touching moment.
The Crunks look for weapons around them. They see broken bottles and a knife.
Calahan: Uh, uh, I know what you’re thinking.
Houslander: What?
Calahan: Are there six more women to dance today, or only five. . .
Artrip lunges for the knife. Calahan fires and hits him in the leg. Calahan then fires at Houslander, who slips because of all the grease on his body. Houslander is struck in the shoulder. The two Kings of Crunk are ready to die. As Calahan is about to fire he screams. Calahan looks down at his disemboweled body. Sabertooth, at the scene, smiles.
Sabertooth (looking down at a mortally wounded Calahan): I needed to make sure that my teammates and I were going to find out whether there were five or six dancers left to be seen. . . .
Five dancers later. . .
Houslander: I guess it was five dancers left.
Houslander, Artrip and Sabertooth enjoy some “pop” and special company for the remainder of the day.
Horsemen: Houslander, Artrip and Sabertooth alive.
SP: All dead.
THE HORSEMEN OF APOKOLIPS ARE VICTORIOUS!!!!
Monday, May 18, 2009
Week 11: Death Match
Points: 55
Setting: Bar
Prize: Pod Racer
-Built Ford Tough Vs. Michael Vick's Bad Newz Kennelz of Lurve
-Better Than All of You Vs. George Washington's Slaves
-The Horsemen of Apokolips Vs. Team Sleeping Pussy
-Pop-Superstar Hannah Montan & President Barack Obama's "Best of Both Worlds" Touring
Battalion of Commandos Vs. Le' Napoleon Brigade
-The Right Wing Vs. Brock Sampson's Fighting Murderflies
-Alice's Wonder Team Vs. The Syracuse Valley
-The Abomitrons Vs. Xavier's Annihilation Squad
-The Untouchables Vs. TEAM
-The Brotherhood of Evil Midgets Vs. Beckerman's Backyardigan's: Beeyatches
Setting: Bar
Prize: Pod Racer
-Built Ford Tough Vs. Michael Vick's Bad Newz Kennelz of Lurve
-Better Than All of You Vs. George Washington's Slaves
-The Horsemen of Apokolips Vs. Team Sleeping Pussy
-Pop-Superstar Hannah Montan & President Barack Obama's "Best of Both Worlds" Touring
Battalion of Commandos Vs. Le' Napoleon Brigade
-The Right Wing Vs. Brock Sampson's Fighting Murderflies
-Alice's Wonder Team Vs. The Syracuse Valley
-The Abomitrons Vs. Xavier's Annihilation Squad
-The Untouchables Vs. TEAM
-The Brotherhood of Evil Midgets Vs. Beckerman's Backyardigan's: Beeyatches
Better Than All of You vs The Syracuse Valley
Better Than All of You is Cobra Viper #1-6, The Rock, Stone Cold Steve Austin, Terry Funk, The Four Horsemen: Ric Flair, Arn Anderson, Ole Anderson, & Tully Blanchard, Rob Van Dam & Sabu, Loki & Bartleby, Lonestar & Barf, & Dozer #4.
The Syracuse Valley is Movie Megatron, Movie Starscream, Darth Rave & Darth Techno, & Raiden w/ Kid Thunder.
Movie Megatron and Movie Starscream come flying into the battle and blast away almost all of the members of Better Than All of You in just one pass. The only members left standing after the attack are Ric Flair, Stone Cold Steve Austin, Rob Van Dam, Loki, Bartleby and Cobra Viper #4. Raiden and Kid Thunder then teleport themselves behind what’s left of Better Than All of You and electrocute Cobra Viper #4 and Stone Cold Steve Austin. Loki and Bartleby then fly into action and double team Kid Thunder. Loki pulls out his heavenly sword and decapitates Kid Thunder. Raiden loses control at the sight of his sidekick’s death and unleashes all of his power upon Loki and Bartleby, killing all three of them in the process. Flair and RVD then find themselves squaring off against Darth Rave and Darth Techno. The two wrestlers try their best but ultimately are simple no match for the two Sith Lords, as they are sliced into ribbons by their lightsabers.
THE SYRACUSE VALLEY IS VICTORIOUS!
The Syracuse Valley is Movie Megatron, Movie Starscream, Darth Rave & Darth Techno, & Raiden w/ Kid Thunder.
Movie Megatron and Movie Starscream come flying into the battle and blast away almost all of the members of Better Than All of You in just one pass. The only members left standing after the attack are Ric Flair, Stone Cold Steve Austin, Rob Van Dam, Loki, Bartleby and Cobra Viper #4. Raiden and Kid Thunder then teleport themselves behind what’s left of Better Than All of You and electrocute Cobra Viper #4 and Stone Cold Steve Austin. Loki and Bartleby then fly into action and double team Kid Thunder. Loki pulls out his heavenly sword and decapitates Kid Thunder. Raiden loses control at the sight of his sidekick’s death and unleashes all of his power upon Loki and Bartleby, killing all three of them in the process. Flair and RVD then find themselves squaring off against Darth Rave and Darth Techno. The two wrestlers try their best but ultimately are simple no match for the two Sith Lords, as they are sliced into ribbons by their lightsabers.
THE SYRACUSE VALLEY IS VICTORIOUS!
Built Ford Tough vs Alice's Wonder Team
Built Ford Tough is USAgent, Harrison Ford, Indiana Jones, Han Solo, Moltar, Diego, Cowboy Curtis, and Sardaukar #1-6.
Alice’s Wonder Team is Vampire #1-8.
Built Ford Tough is teleported to the hot sands of the Jundland Waste, where they are met by… no one. “What the hell is going on? We’re not early are we?” asks USAgent. “That’s impossible. We’re Built Ford Tough,” responds Han Solo. Just then Vampire #1 leaps out from beneath the sand and bites the neck of Cowboy Curtis, killing him. He then lunges at Diego, but instead gets a mouthful of USAgent’s shield. Indiana Jones then comes over and finishes off the Undead by pouring his canteen on Vampire #1’s face, washing off the sunscreen he was wearing, which had an SPF of 1,000,000,000 (which we all know by its more traditional name of Mustard). “How did you know that he was wearing sunscreen?” asks USAgent. “Well why you were giving him taste of your shield, I noticed that we were actually standing on the remains of Vampires #2-8,” says Indiana Jones. “But how did they die before the match even started?” asks Harrison Ford. “Tattooine has two suns. Vampire #1 must have been the only one smart enough to put sunscreen on before the match,” Indiana says to his team. “Good, I was worried that I was going to miss the CHiPs marathon on TV Land,” says Moltar.
BUILT FORD TOUGH IS VICTORIOUS!
Alice’s Wonder Team is Vampire #1-8.
Built Ford Tough is teleported to the hot sands of the Jundland Waste, where they are met by… no one. “What the hell is going on? We’re not early are we?” asks USAgent. “That’s impossible. We’re Built Ford Tough,” responds Han Solo. Just then Vampire #1 leaps out from beneath the sand and bites the neck of Cowboy Curtis, killing him. He then lunges at Diego, but instead gets a mouthful of USAgent’s shield. Indiana Jones then comes over and finishes off the Undead by pouring his canteen on Vampire #1’s face, washing off the sunscreen he was wearing, which had an SPF of 1,000,000,000 (which we all know by its more traditional name of Mustard). “How did you know that he was wearing sunscreen?” asks USAgent. “Well why you were giving him taste of your shield, I noticed that we were actually standing on the remains of Vampires #2-8,” says Indiana Jones. “But how did they die before the match even started?” asks Harrison Ford. “Tattooine has two suns. Vampire #1 must have been the only one smart enough to put sunscreen on before the match,” Indiana says to his team. “Good, I was worried that I was going to miss the CHiPs marathon on TV Land,” says Moltar.
BUILT FORD TOUGH IS VICTORIOUS!
Xavier's Annihilation Squad vs. Michael Vick's Bad Newz Kennelz of Lurve
I have been appointed by my brethren Joshatu and Ryatu to watch the following Year 2, Week 10 Match: Xavier's Annihilation Squad vs. Michael Vick's Bad Newz Kennelz of Lurve.
I look into the locker room of The Annihilation Squad and find Imotep, The Scorpion King, Sandman, Darth Voltress, Darth Ocron and Kevin (from Sin City).
Scorpion King: This match is ours!!! We ARE the desert team of the FFL!
A mute Kevin sits in the corner and smiles to himself.
I look into the locker room of Michael Vick's Bad Newz Kennelz of Lurve and see Anakin Skywalker, Fremen #1-6, (movie) Scorponok and Shao Kahn.
Skywalker: Remember, the Squad has an excellent desert team. Be ready for anything!
Fremen #2: If we can survive in the Dunes of Arrakis, we can fight in sands of the Jundlands!
I transport the teams to the battlefield. . .
As the match begins, Imotep brings forth a storm from the Jundland Waste’s sands. Imotep’s sandstorm engulfs the Kennelz team. The Kennelz are temporarily taken off guard, but not for long. Anakin Skywalker uses the Force to shield himself from the elements. Fremen #1-6 are used to the storms of Arrakis and manage to fight their way through the blinding fury of Imotep. Scorponok uses its sensors to glide through the storm. Shao Kahn himself manages to wade through the sands. The Kennelz notice that although they are squarely in the Squad’s territory, the Squad itself is not there.
Scorponok attempts to locate the squad. The Transformer is too late to warn Shao Kahn as two arrows soar through the sky and hit Shao Kahn. The Kombat Emperor screams. He notices that the Scorpion King is notching another arrow in his bow. Before Kahn is able to focus his magic on the Scorpion King, Sandman bursts from the ground and twists around Kahn. The sand around the combatants begins to swallow Sandman and Kahn. Kevin sees that Kahn is having “issues” with Sandman’s abilities and rushes at Kahn. Kevin, a knife in each hand, repeatedly stabs Kahn. The combination of Kevin’s stabbing and drowning in Sandman’s sand is too much for the warrior. Kahn eventually succumbs to his fate and dies. A mute Kevin smiles at the death of Kahn. His scary happiness does not last long as he is surrounded by Fremen #1-6. Although Kevin manages to kill Fremen #2 and 4, he is killed by the remaining Fremen.
Darth Ocron and Darth Voltress come upon the scene with ignited lightsabers. It does not take long for the Sith Lords to destroy remaining Fremen #1, 3, 5-6. After the Fremen carnage is finished they are confronted by Anakin Skywalker. The Sith utilize their strengths against the young Jedi. Skywalker is wounded in his right shoulder and left leg. Nonetheless, although wounded, Skywalker’s mid-chloridian count is much more substantial than the other two, and utilizes his Force ability, destroys the lesser Sith - Ocron. Voltress escapes in a cloud of sand.
In a weakened condition, Skywalker is met by Imotep, Sandman and the Scorpion King. Skywalker kills the Scorpion King, but eventually suffocates due to the sand being forced down his throat by both Sandman and Imotep.
Scorponok faces Imotep, Sandman and Darth Voltress. Voltress lunges on Scorponok and begins to use her lightsaber against the various parts of the Transformer. Voltress manages to damage Scorponok. Scorponok fires upon Sandman. The lasers rip through Sandman, who reformulates his body into a solid block of sand. Using both arms, Sandman’s “sandblocks” pound on Scorponok. The Transformer takes on additional damage. Before Imotep can utilize his powers Scorponok destroys the Mummy warrior. Scorponok takes damage repeatedly by the Sith and Spidey villain. At the end of the match Scorponok is destroyed beyond recognition and Voltress is lying in the sand with a hole through the Sith’s torso.
Squad: Sandman alive.
Kennelz: All dead.
THE ANNIHILATION SQUAD IS VICTORIOUS!!!!
I look into the locker room of The Annihilation Squad and find Imotep, The Scorpion King, Sandman, Darth Voltress, Darth Ocron and Kevin (from Sin City).
Scorpion King: This match is ours!!! We ARE the desert team of the FFL!
A mute Kevin sits in the corner and smiles to himself.
I look into the locker room of Michael Vick's Bad Newz Kennelz of Lurve and see Anakin Skywalker, Fremen #1-6, (movie) Scorponok and Shao Kahn.
Skywalker: Remember, the Squad has an excellent desert team. Be ready for anything!
Fremen #2: If we can survive in the Dunes of Arrakis, we can fight in sands of the Jundlands!
I transport the teams to the battlefield. . .
As the match begins, Imotep brings forth a storm from the Jundland Waste’s sands. Imotep’s sandstorm engulfs the Kennelz team. The Kennelz are temporarily taken off guard, but not for long. Anakin Skywalker uses the Force to shield himself from the elements. Fremen #1-6 are used to the storms of Arrakis and manage to fight their way through the blinding fury of Imotep. Scorponok uses its sensors to glide through the storm. Shao Kahn himself manages to wade through the sands. The Kennelz notice that although they are squarely in the Squad’s territory, the Squad itself is not there.
Scorponok attempts to locate the squad. The Transformer is too late to warn Shao Kahn as two arrows soar through the sky and hit Shao Kahn. The Kombat Emperor screams. He notices that the Scorpion King is notching another arrow in his bow. Before Kahn is able to focus his magic on the Scorpion King, Sandman bursts from the ground and twists around Kahn. The sand around the combatants begins to swallow Sandman and Kahn. Kevin sees that Kahn is having “issues” with Sandman’s abilities and rushes at Kahn. Kevin, a knife in each hand, repeatedly stabs Kahn. The combination of Kevin’s stabbing and drowning in Sandman’s sand is too much for the warrior. Kahn eventually succumbs to his fate and dies. A mute Kevin smiles at the death of Kahn. His scary happiness does not last long as he is surrounded by Fremen #1-6. Although Kevin manages to kill Fremen #2 and 4, he is killed by the remaining Fremen.
Darth Ocron and Darth Voltress come upon the scene with ignited lightsabers. It does not take long for the Sith Lords to destroy remaining Fremen #1, 3, 5-6. After the Fremen carnage is finished they are confronted by Anakin Skywalker. The Sith utilize their strengths against the young Jedi. Skywalker is wounded in his right shoulder and left leg. Nonetheless, although wounded, Skywalker’s mid-chloridian count is much more substantial than the other two, and utilizes his Force ability, destroys the lesser Sith - Ocron. Voltress escapes in a cloud of sand.
In a weakened condition, Skywalker is met by Imotep, Sandman and the Scorpion King. Skywalker kills the Scorpion King, but eventually suffocates due to the sand being forced down his throat by both Sandman and Imotep.
Scorponok faces Imotep, Sandman and Darth Voltress. Voltress lunges on Scorponok and begins to use her lightsaber against the various parts of the Transformer. Voltress manages to damage Scorponok. Scorponok fires upon Sandman. The lasers rip through Sandman, who reformulates his body into a solid block of sand. Using both arms, Sandman’s “sandblocks” pound on Scorponok. The Transformer takes on additional damage. Before Imotep can utilize his powers Scorponok destroys the Mummy warrior. Scorponok takes damage repeatedly by the Sith and Spidey villain. At the end of the match Scorponok is destroyed beyond recognition and Voltress is lying in the sand with a hole through the Sith’s torso.
Squad: Sandman alive.
Kennelz: All dead.
THE ANNIHILATION SQUAD IS VICTORIOUS!!!!
George Washington's Slaves Vs. Brock Sampson's Fighting Murderflies
The Murderflies are Sandworm #1-6.
The Slaves are Sandworm #15-20
I Dumir, Fremen of the Sietch Lagir will now tell the story that I personally witnessed from atop the rocky outcroppings of the sandy landscape that I call home. The Maker is a territorial beast; ruling miles of Dune’s landscape, is a feat accomplished even by the smaller worms, but I alone was gifted with the opportunity to witness 12 makers compete in battle as if they were mere humans. All creatures of the desert, including us Fremen do not recognize leadership without combat. Here on Dune we value real power as the means to lead, not like the water fat off-worlders that you may find in Arrakeen with their white colored eyes peddling their garbage and selling drops of water to anyone weak enough to require it. They refer to our planet as Arrakis and no nothing of our ways with their gray colored plastic stillsuits, wasting the body’s water into the air as if they can spare such a resource. It could be better utilized by a worthy sietch to grow our boys into strong men for the coming battles. Let them believe that their imperium is ruled by their puppet emperor, for my people know that no man rules over Shai Halud. As I stand on the rocks, I use no thumper to call upon Shai Halud, I was simply sitting studying my Orange Catholic Bible and thinking over the prana bindu exercises taught to me by my sietch’s Reverend mother. I watch as the 12 worms crash into the air simultaneously creating a dust storm that must have been felt by Fremen miles away. The cinnamonny smell of mélange pleases my nostrils as the orange dust fills the sky. Shai Halud was very angry indeed to call these massive beasts into such a holy melee as they use their crysnife lined mouths to attack one another for the honor of ruling the land that they all currently occupy. Even in the initial leap from underneath Dune’s surface to where I could witness the eye defying battle 7 worms (#2, 5, 6, 16, 17, 18, & 20) die leaving their massive bodies strewn across the desert for Guild ships to view from the space above and more importantly for sietchs such as mine to collect enough holy weapons known as crysknives to supply a tribe for generations to come. The worms possess such power that it is just as impressive as Usul’s ability to simply kill men and destroy objects with his voice’s killing words. Even Maud Dib himself with his prescient visions would have been shocked to see this incredible display of infighting transpire. Another Maker attacks a different Maker with its razor sharp teeth but as it does that, the original Maker is attacked as well resulting In the death of 2 more (#15 & 4). But it is the Maker I witnessed next that impressed me the most; for it was this worm that was the biggest worm I have ever witnessed in all my 97 years of life. It contained scales enough to allow entire sietch’s to ride upon its massive back and had a mouth that could fit a dozen sand crawlers along with the carrier. When this worm shot out of the Dunes to reveal its full size and potential I knew that Shai Halud would gift this mighty beast with the rule of the land below me. This gigantic worm leapt into the air with such ferocity that I nearly snapped my own neck just looking to see the mouth. The 2 worms battling below it stood no chance of survival as the other reigned down upon them killing them both (#3 & 19). After this life altering battle I quickly grabbed my Maker hooks out of my fremkit and swung myself on top of the truly mighty version of Shai Halud and road the sole survivor back to my sietch to tell the unbelievable tale that you were just privileged enough to hear.
BROCK SAMPSONS FIGHTING MURDERFLIES ARE VICTORIOUS!
The Slaves are Sandworm #15-20
I Dumir, Fremen of the Sietch Lagir will now tell the story that I personally witnessed from atop the rocky outcroppings of the sandy landscape that I call home. The Maker is a territorial beast; ruling miles of Dune’s landscape, is a feat accomplished even by the smaller worms, but I alone was gifted with the opportunity to witness 12 makers compete in battle as if they were mere humans. All creatures of the desert, including us Fremen do not recognize leadership without combat. Here on Dune we value real power as the means to lead, not like the water fat off-worlders that you may find in Arrakeen with their white colored eyes peddling their garbage and selling drops of water to anyone weak enough to require it. They refer to our planet as Arrakis and no nothing of our ways with their gray colored plastic stillsuits, wasting the body’s water into the air as if they can spare such a resource. It could be better utilized by a worthy sietch to grow our boys into strong men for the coming battles. Let them believe that their imperium is ruled by their puppet emperor, for my people know that no man rules over Shai Halud. As I stand on the rocks, I use no thumper to call upon Shai Halud, I was simply sitting studying my Orange Catholic Bible and thinking over the prana bindu exercises taught to me by my sietch’s Reverend mother. I watch as the 12 worms crash into the air simultaneously creating a dust storm that must have been felt by Fremen miles away. The cinnamonny smell of mélange pleases my nostrils as the orange dust fills the sky. Shai Halud was very angry indeed to call these massive beasts into such a holy melee as they use their crysnife lined mouths to attack one another for the honor of ruling the land that they all currently occupy. Even in the initial leap from underneath Dune’s surface to where I could witness the eye defying battle 7 worms (#2, 5, 6, 16, 17, 18, & 20) die leaving their massive bodies strewn across the desert for Guild ships to view from the space above and more importantly for sietchs such as mine to collect enough holy weapons known as crysknives to supply a tribe for generations to come. The worms possess such power that it is just as impressive as Usul’s ability to simply kill men and destroy objects with his voice’s killing words. Even Maud Dib himself with his prescient visions would have been shocked to see this incredible display of infighting transpire. Another Maker attacks a different Maker with its razor sharp teeth but as it does that, the original Maker is attacked as well resulting In the death of 2 more (#15 & 4). But it is the Maker I witnessed next that impressed me the most; for it was this worm that was the biggest worm I have ever witnessed in all my 97 years of life. It contained scales enough to allow entire sietch’s to ride upon its massive back and had a mouth that could fit a dozen sand crawlers along with the carrier. When this worm shot out of the Dunes to reveal its full size and potential I knew that Shai Halud would gift this mighty beast with the rule of the land below me. This gigantic worm leapt into the air with such ferocity that I nearly snapped my own neck just looking to see the mouth. The 2 worms battling below it stood no chance of survival as the other reigned down upon them killing them both (#3 & 19). After this life altering battle I quickly grabbed my Maker hooks out of my fremkit and swung myself on top of the truly mighty version of Shai Halud and road the sole survivor back to my sietch to tell the unbelievable tale that you were just privileged enough to hear.
BROCK SAMPSONS FIGHTING MURDERFLIES ARE VICTORIOUS!
Sunday, May 17, 2009
The Horsemen of Apokolips Vs. Le' Napoleon Brigade
The Horsemen of Apokolips are Luke Skywalker Grand Jedi Master, Achilles, Supergirl, & Sandworm #14.
Le’ Napoleon Brigade is Duncan Idaho Ghola, Allia Atreides, Obi Wan Kenobi, Hecate, & Atreides Soldier #1-6.
Luke looks to his teammates Supergirl and Achilles and tells them: “Hold Back. We need to be patient and let this battle play out. I used to live here you know”. “A lot of people are going to die here you know, it’s convenient”. Achilles replies. For Allia, it feels good to walk thru the arid desert air, but it is Obi Wan who leads the team, considering the fact that he is the only person who has set foot on this particular planet, even if it was only briefly when he was a padawan. Obi Wan says: “I’ve got a bad feeling about this” as his force powers tremble with an unknown feeling of uneasiness. Just then Sandworm #14 blasts out of the Jundland’s wastes, and comes back down onto the ground consuming Atreides Soldiers #1, 2, 5, & 6, as well as Jedi Master Kenobi. Achilles goes against Master Skywalker’s plan and engages Allia Atreides and her husband Duncan Idaho in a fierce melee battle despite the destruction that is going on around them. Hecate does not particularly like the tone of this match, but when she sees that this battle cannot possibly be won without heavy causalities she takes a chance and blasts the area that Achilles has attacked with some massive firepower. Hecate hopes to destroy all 3 humanoid members of the Horsemen with her attack, even if it causes deaths on her own team, but Luke and Supergirl are able to use their superhuman gifts of speed to barely evade the attack. Hecate destroys what was destined to be an amazing sword battle by killing not only Achilles, but her own teammates Duncan and Allia as well. Sandworm #14 jumps out of the sand once again, but this time Supergirl uses the training she has received as a Horsemen of Apokolips to her advantage. Supergirl grabs a hold of the Sandworm’s open casing while it is in mid-air and launches the enormous beast toward Hecate. The huge Sandworm hits the original Titan Cymek head on causing a massive explosion, that takes out both team’s heaviest hitter. In the meantime, Luke uses his lightsaber skills to take out Atreides Soldier #3 & 4.
THE HORSEMEN OF APOKOLIPS ARE VICTORIOUS!
Le’ Napoleon Brigade is Duncan Idaho Ghola, Allia Atreides, Obi Wan Kenobi, Hecate, & Atreides Soldier #1-6.
Luke looks to his teammates Supergirl and Achilles and tells them: “Hold Back. We need to be patient and let this battle play out. I used to live here you know”. “A lot of people are going to die here you know, it’s convenient”. Achilles replies. For Allia, it feels good to walk thru the arid desert air, but it is Obi Wan who leads the team, considering the fact that he is the only person who has set foot on this particular planet, even if it was only briefly when he was a padawan. Obi Wan says: “I’ve got a bad feeling about this” as his force powers tremble with an unknown feeling of uneasiness. Just then Sandworm #14 blasts out of the Jundland’s wastes, and comes back down onto the ground consuming Atreides Soldiers #1, 2, 5, & 6, as well as Jedi Master Kenobi. Achilles goes against Master Skywalker’s plan and engages Allia Atreides and her husband Duncan Idaho in a fierce melee battle despite the destruction that is going on around them. Hecate does not particularly like the tone of this match, but when she sees that this battle cannot possibly be won without heavy causalities she takes a chance and blasts the area that Achilles has attacked with some massive firepower. Hecate hopes to destroy all 3 humanoid members of the Horsemen with her attack, even if it causes deaths on her own team, but Luke and Supergirl are able to use their superhuman gifts of speed to barely evade the attack. Hecate destroys what was destined to be an amazing sword battle by killing not only Achilles, but her own teammates Duncan and Allia as well. Sandworm #14 jumps out of the sand once again, but this time Supergirl uses the training she has received as a Horsemen of Apokolips to her advantage. Supergirl grabs a hold of the Sandworm’s open casing while it is in mid-air and launches the enormous beast toward Hecate. The huge Sandworm hits the original Titan Cymek head on causing a massive explosion, that takes out both team’s heaviest hitter. In the meantime, Luke uses his lightsaber skills to take out Atreides Soldier #3 & 4.
THE HORSEMEN OF APOKOLIPS ARE VICTORIOUS!
Trade Deadline
-The trade deadline is Monday May 18th at 11:59 PM.
-The waiver wires will also be closed at this time.
-If you are already eliminated from the play-offs, this does not apply to you.
-Waiver wires will re-open for all teams once the play-offs begin.
-The waiver wires will also be closed at this time.
-If you are already eliminated from the play-offs, this does not apply to you.
-Waiver wires will re-open for all teams once the play-offs begin.
Saturday, May 16, 2009
The Untouchables Vs. The Abomitrons
The Untouchables are Onslaught, Fremen #31-36, & Pounce & Wingspan.
The Abomitrons are Hancock, Abon Sur, Blade, Starfire, Mario, Kyle Houslander, & Zachary Houslander.
The Fremen quickly and easily disappear into the sand as if they had the power of invisibility while The Decepticon Clones Pounce and Wingspan attack to one side while Onslaught stands firm, waiting for The Abomitrons to come to him. Abomitron Head Coach Alfred Pennyworth has done his homework on his old friend Untouchable Head Coach Commissioner Gordon, which is why his team knows that Onslaught must be taken out if they have any chance against this A.L. powerhouse that has torn up the Ryan Poteracki division with many impressive wins this season. Hancock, Abon Sur, & Starfire all rush in to take on Onslaught while Blade draws out his sword and pistol to search out the hidden Fremen while Kyle backs him up. Zack follows Mario as the Hammer Suit clad hero prepares for battle with the 2 Decepticon clones. Hancock and his Abomitron trio fight hard in a battle that totally wastes the Jundland area (as if it wasn’t already). Mario opts to stay in his Hammer Bros. suit, so he gives Zack a tanooki suit and Kyle a flower which give Zack the ability to fly (and turn to stone briefly) and Kyle the ability to shoot fire balls. Zack takes flight in his tanooki suit and lures Wingspan in, in his Hawk form back down to the sandy ground. Once Wingspan is within range Mario leaps into the air and plants a perfectly aimed hammer into the eye of Wingspan which ricochets down thru the Decepticon and kills him. Pounce sees the death of his partner and goes crazy (even crazier than normal that is). Pounce transforms into his Puma form and well……… Pounces on Mario to kill everybody’s favorite NES character. The 6 Fremen pop out of nowhere and surround both Blade and Fire Kyle. The Fremen attack in unison with their crysknives drawn and converge mostly on Blade. To begin the fight Kyle uses his pitching arm to launch a perfectly placed fireball straight into the grill of Fremen #35. Blade moves with amazing speed and grace to take out Fremen #31 & 34, but the Fremen are simply too good in this desert atmosphere, even though it is not their home planet of Arrakis and have a fighting skill that is unparalleled in the universe. The remaining 3 Fremen take down Blade with a quick sweep from Fremen #33, the other 2 Fremen than stick their crysknives into Blade’s neck and chest while Fremen #33 cuts Blade’s arm before he resheaths his Blade, just so the sacred weapon doesn’t have the opportunity to taste the blood of a water fat off-worlder. Abon Sur and Starfire blast Onslaught with a combination of star bolts and green energy but Onslaught still manages to fight thru the attacks. Pounce comes to the aid of his team captain Onslaught, but he doesn’t really know where to jump in. Onslaught telepathically works thru the defenses of Abon Sur’s ring to totally mind wipe the green lantern, but when Starfire and Hancock see this they both rush in and start whaling on the mutant. The 2 super-powered beings put such a fierce beating down on Onslaught that even a character of his level of power is unable to withstand it. The once powerful Onslaught is actually leveled by the sheer physical strength of the Hancock/Starfire combo. Hancock turns to Starfire as if to say something clever, but before he can Pounce flies up behind him to attempt a sneak attack. Pounce nearly succeeds in his stealth attack but before he can Starfire shoots about a dozen star bolts over Hancock’s shoulder’s to blow the Decepticon away. Hancock and Starfire think that this battle must be close to over when Kyle and Zachary come racing up to them, to tell them that Blade and Mario are dead, the Fremen have disappeared back into the sand, and that they need their help to find them. Just then the 3 Fremen pop directly out of the sand and attack. Fremen #32 & 33 land several hits from their crysknives in the arms and body of Hancock, but they are not enough to do any permanent damage against the super-powered being. Hancock eventually is able to get a hold of both of the fierce fighters and crush their heads together, while Starfire subdues Fremen #36 with some star bolts from her eyes, before she cracks his neck.
THE ABOMITRONS ARE VICTORIOUS!
The Abomitrons are Hancock, Abon Sur, Blade, Starfire, Mario, Kyle Houslander, & Zachary Houslander.
The Fremen quickly and easily disappear into the sand as if they had the power of invisibility while The Decepticon Clones Pounce and Wingspan attack to one side while Onslaught stands firm, waiting for The Abomitrons to come to him. Abomitron Head Coach Alfred Pennyworth has done his homework on his old friend Untouchable Head Coach Commissioner Gordon, which is why his team knows that Onslaught must be taken out if they have any chance against this A.L. powerhouse that has torn up the Ryan Poteracki division with many impressive wins this season. Hancock, Abon Sur, & Starfire all rush in to take on Onslaught while Blade draws out his sword and pistol to search out the hidden Fremen while Kyle backs him up. Zack follows Mario as the Hammer Suit clad hero prepares for battle with the 2 Decepticon clones. Hancock and his Abomitron trio fight hard in a battle that totally wastes the Jundland area (as if it wasn’t already). Mario opts to stay in his Hammer Bros. suit, so he gives Zack a tanooki suit and Kyle a flower which give Zack the ability to fly (and turn to stone briefly) and Kyle the ability to shoot fire balls. Zack takes flight in his tanooki suit and lures Wingspan in, in his Hawk form back down to the sandy ground. Once Wingspan is within range Mario leaps into the air and plants a perfectly aimed hammer into the eye of Wingspan which ricochets down thru the Decepticon and kills him. Pounce sees the death of his partner and goes crazy (even crazier than normal that is). Pounce transforms into his Puma form and well……… Pounces on Mario to kill everybody’s favorite NES character. The 6 Fremen pop out of nowhere and surround both Blade and Fire Kyle. The Fremen attack in unison with their crysknives drawn and converge mostly on Blade. To begin the fight Kyle uses his pitching arm to launch a perfectly placed fireball straight into the grill of Fremen #35. Blade moves with amazing speed and grace to take out Fremen #31 & 34, but the Fremen are simply too good in this desert atmosphere, even though it is not their home planet of Arrakis and have a fighting skill that is unparalleled in the universe. The remaining 3 Fremen take down Blade with a quick sweep from Fremen #33, the other 2 Fremen than stick their crysknives into Blade’s neck and chest while Fremen #33 cuts Blade’s arm before he resheaths his Blade, just so the sacred weapon doesn’t have the opportunity to taste the blood of a water fat off-worlder. Abon Sur and Starfire blast Onslaught with a combination of star bolts and green energy but Onslaught still manages to fight thru the attacks. Pounce comes to the aid of his team captain Onslaught, but he doesn’t really know where to jump in. Onslaught telepathically works thru the defenses of Abon Sur’s ring to totally mind wipe the green lantern, but when Starfire and Hancock see this they both rush in and start whaling on the mutant. The 2 super-powered beings put such a fierce beating down on Onslaught that even a character of his level of power is unable to withstand it. The once powerful Onslaught is actually leveled by the sheer physical strength of the Hancock/Starfire combo. Hancock turns to Starfire as if to say something clever, but before he can Pounce flies up behind him to attempt a sneak attack. Pounce nearly succeeds in his stealth attack but before he can Starfire shoots about a dozen star bolts over Hancock’s shoulder’s to blow the Decepticon away. Hancock and Starfire think that this battle must be close to over when Kyle and Zachary come racing up to them, to tell them that Blade and Mario are dead, the Fremen have disappeared back into the sand, and that they need their help to find them. Just then the 3 Fremen pop directly out of the sand and attack. Fremen #32 & 33 land several hits from their crysknives in the arms and body of Hancock, but they are not enough to do any permanent damage against the super-powered being. Hancock eventually is able to get a hold of both of the fierce fighters and crush their heads together, while Starfire subdues Fremen #36 with some star bolts from her eyes, before she cracks his neck.
THE ABOMITRONS ARE VICTORIOUS!
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)
Posts
