House Elves vs Epicene Miniature Homonids

The House Elves:  Gandalf the Grey (w/ Elven Ring), Thor, Set, Bizarro Superman, Godzilla, Iron Man, Black Bolt, Medusa, Karnak, Gorgon, Triton, Crystal, Lockjaw, Maximus the Mad, The Unspoken, Colosus, Luke Skywalker (in Luke's Stealth x wing), Harry Potter  (on Quiddich Broom), Sandworm #1-#5, Juggernaut, Agent Smith, T-1000, Dumbledore, Corbin Dallas, Santa and his reindeer, and Seaworm #10

Epicene Miniature Homonids: Yoda (w/a White Lantern Ring), Magneto, Mr. Mxyztplk, Larfleeze (Agent Orange), Link, Neo, Omega Supreme, He-Man and Battle Cat, Thundercracker, Skywarp, Black Lantern Batman, The Combaticons (Onslaught, Brawl, Blast-Off, Swindle, and Vortex), Han Solo (pilot), Chewbacca (co-pilot), Peppy Hare (gunner), & Slippy Toad (rear gunner) in a Y-1300 Light Freighter, Lando Calrisean (pilot), Nien Numb (co-pilot), Lobot (gunner), & Alf (rear gunner) in The Outlaw, Gamera, Mighty Mouse, Emperor Palpatine w/ Royal Guard #1-2, Air Zonk w/ Power Dump and Astra, Quasar, Dean Cain in an AT-RT, Terri Hatcher (w/ a Power Ring and Star Wand).

A Brief History of the FFL

Many years ago an argument began between two combatants. Like so many fools before them, they each thought that they were the greatest warrior in the universe. They planned a fight to determine who the best was. Word spread of the fight, and soon others wanted in. Chaos spread throughout. Many believed themselves the champion but none lived long enough to gloat.

Amongst the chaos arose a man. This man referred to himself as the “Commish”. The “Commish” had a plan to bring order to the universe. He brought all of the combatants together by forming a “league”. In this “league” there were “schedules” and “playoffs”. The dead were even paid respects in the “graveyard”. Although no one could single handedly claim victory, they could be part of something that legitimately could make that claim. For the benefit of all, he brought peace through war.

That is the official story.

While most combatants are happily fighting for their team, hoping to win the first ever universe bowl, they are unware that they have been here before.

But what does this have to do with this week’s match? The playoff planet is the key to everything. This is where the strongest engage in the biggest battles. This is for all of the glory, nothing is held back. That is the playoff planet’s purpose, although it is not its entire purpose.

Some have become aware that this is not the league’s first incarnation. The great reset, as they have been told, was for the betterment of the league. Many prominent figures had fallen and some questioned if this was still truly the “best of the best” that were fighting. In the interest of strengthening the league, all were brought back and again given fair shot of becoming champions.

The Playoff Planet’s Basement

What is not talked about is what happened before the great reset. Although it can be difficult to see a teammate parish, it is understood that the fight is for the greater good and as such there will be inevitable losses.

There began a rise in reports of ghosts of fallen comrades. These ghosts only appeared on the playoff planet and were only ever those who had moved on to the “graveyard”.

While the time of their appearance and which team they reached out to vary greatly, their message was always the same. Their souls and powers had been harvested by something from within the planet, for a much more sinister motive. They anguished over having fought their battles and pleaded with their former teammates to stop.

Players began to question the league. Some became hesitant in battle, others deserted. Many questioned the decision to continue using the playoff planet and requested a full investigation into the planet. Why must the playoff planet ALWAYS be a death match when outside of the playoffs? The league was beginning to unravel.

Obviously, this is bad for business and as a solution the league was reset.

While there are many whispers around the league of its previous incarnation, none know for certain who is behind the playoff planet or what their motives are.

“Master Yoda, the enemy is approaching.” yells Neo, breaking Yoda’s concentration. “We need to get ready, they will be here soon.”

“More time I must have.” Replies Yoda. “Uncovered something more important than this battle, I have.”

Harry Potter and Dumbledore are gallivanting around on Harry’s Quiddich broom (I assume that is what those books/movies are about) when they are knocked off from lasers blasts by Skywarp and Thundercracker. Bizarro Superman, who is flying nearby, decides that rather than saving his falling teammates he will instead fly through the transformers. He then feels shots in his back as he sees Air Zonk, Power Dump, and Astra flying towards him. He uses his flame breath to incinerate the three.

Meanwhile, Han and company fly into the desert, followed closely by Lando’s crew, along with Dean Cain in his AT-RT

“Alright Chewie, let’s do this!” Han says as they take the Millennium Falcon er, I mean Y-1300 close to ground level. The sandworms begin popping out of the sand, narrowly missing their target. Peppy and Slippy begin gunning the sandworms behind them, while Alf and Lobot shoot them from the Outlaw. One by one the Sandworms fall dead into the sand.

“Yeah, we did it!” exclaims Han as he and Chewie celebrate. Just then another Sandworm pops out and consumes the Outlaw and everyone on board, as well as Dean Cain and his AT-RT.

“Who was counting?!” screams Han as the ship turns around and guns down the remaining sandworm.

“No time to mourn, we need to meet up with the others.” As they fly off.

Gamera and Quasar head out into the ocean. Gamera dives deep comes out with a seaworm in his hands. Quasar moves in to blast apart the seaworm. Both Quasar and Gamera turn as they hear the distinctive roar of Godzilla as he emerges from the water. Before either can do anything Godzilla unleashes his atomic ray disintegrating Quasar and blowing a hole through Gamera. Godzilla lets out another roar as he moves to regroup with his team.

The House Elves regroup.

“I’ve found the bunker they are hiding in.” Says Iron Man. “Follow me.”

As the House Elves approach they see Magneto standing alone, seemingly anticipating them.

“You can stop right there.” Says Magento

Rather than have one of those conversation that happen right before all of the action happens Iron Man tries to catch him off guard by zipping in for the attack. Magneto stops him only inches away.

“Valiant effort, Iron Man.” Magneto says before redirecting him back towards his team while launching all of his weapons at them. They take out Medusa, Gorgon, and Karnak while Iron Man explodes into Godzilla. Omega Supreme moves in on the damaged Kaiju finishing him off. Magneto's teammates emerge from the bunker quickly scattering and engaging the enemy.

Another one of Iron Man’s missiles nearly hits the Y-1300. Chewie lets out a roar and Han gets excited, until they hear Luke over the intercom.

“Han, old pal. I’m glad I got to see you before you died this time.” Says Luke just a moment before his proton torpedo blows up the Y-1300 and everyone inside.

Lockjaw doesn’t see any cats around so he skips a step in the circle of life and runs after might mouse, who becomes a mighty fine meal for him.

Santa lands his sleigh on the ground near He-man and Battle Cat. Battle Cat begins mauling the reindeer while He-man swings away at Santa, cutting off limbs and fatally wounding him. He-man looks down at the dead Santa and reindeer to see it coming together and reforming into a person who looks just like He-man. Catching him off guard T-1000 sticks his replicate straight into the heart of He-man.

From within his bunker, Yoda hears faints noises of explosions and gunfire as he slips back into his meditative state.

The key is at the beginning

The originators of the FFL were not just two random fighters as many think. They were in fact very calculated in their actions. While both are very skilled they knew that they would not be able to take on the universe themselves, it is simply too big with too many powerful beings. Instead, they manufactured and instigated fights amongst the others creating the chaos. They realized that others could do all of the work for them and they wouldn’t have to lift a finger.

“Tell me who they are, you must!” pleads Yoda

Who do you think would have the most to gain? Who are the two highest ranking members of this league?

“No, true it cannot be. The owners of these two teams. Lead us to death they would not.” Says Yoda

Actually, you are right.

“What?!?!” exclaims Yoda.

Mr. Mxyztplk appears out of nowhere.

“I’ve been making this up as I go.” Replies My Mxyztplk. “You sit there with such a serious face and listen intently to everything I say. I just couldn’t help it.”

“Why me? Your own teammate you have betrayed!” asks Yoda.

“Oh believe me, I tried Luke first. He wouldn’t listen, just wanted to run off and save his friends. You know about that, don’t you?”

“Yes!” exclaims Yoda as his light saber ignites through Mr. Mxyztplk.

“Oh, now that is good!” before his limp body falls to the ground.

Yoda runs outside to meet up with his team.

He sees destruction everywhere as he scans for survivors. In the distance he sees Luke landing his x-wing. Nearby he hears the maniacal laugh of Emperor Palpatine.

“Hahahahahaha! They will soon be done!” laughs Palpatine as Luke approaches.

“Luke, surrender you must. Outmatched you are. Let you go we will.” Says Yoda.

“Master Yoda, you know better than anyone that is not my nature.” Replies Luke as he ignites his light saber.

“Be done boy!” growls Palpatine as he shoots force lightning at Luke. At first Luke is able to handle it but quickly becomes overpowered convulses as he absorbs the massive shock.

There is a loud boom and a flash. The combatants are momentarily blinded and deafened. They see a crater where Palpatine previously stood. Next to the crater stands tall muscly man brandishing the finest hammer you’ve ever seen.

“Force lightning is weak!” bellows Thor as he hurls Mjolnir towards Yoda.

 As Yoda narrowly dodges the hammer Luke picks up light saber and swings it at Yoda. Yoda anticipates this and blocks his attack. He however did not anticipate Mjolnir’s return to Thor and it passes through him.

Thor flicks back his luscious golden locks, raises his massively muscled arms in the air, admires his beautiful hammer for a moment and then takes flight back to the locker room.

The Empire Vs. John and Vader's House of Sith Aids

Week 5 Consortium
The Empire Vs. John and Vader's House of Sith Aids

The Empire is Galactus w/ Nova, Silver Surfer, Full Spectrum Kyle Raynor, Sky Lynx, Obi Wan Kenobi in his Jedi Starfighter, Surtur, The Eradicator, Ares, Mephisto, Deathstroke, Black Queen, The Incredible Hulk, White Lantern Swamp Thing, The Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles: Leonardo, Michelangelo, Donatello, and Raphael, Pinhead, Xerxes (cymek), and Thinking Machine #1-3.

The Sith Aids are Darth Vader and 501st #1 in a First Order TIE Fighter, Darth Bane (w/ a Red Lantern Ring), Savage Oppress & Feral, The Rancor, Anakin Skywalker and Ahsoka Tano in a First Order TIE Fighter, Darth Nihilus, Cad Bane and Director Krennic in a First Order TIE Fighter, White Suit Anakin Skywalker and Starkiller in a First Order TIE Fighter, Pre-Suit Darth Vader, 501st (Vader's Fist) #2-10, Storm Trooper #1-10, The Fallen, Sasuke Uchiha, Naruto Uzamachi, IG-88, The Dino-Bots: Grimlock, Slag, Sludge, Snarl, Swoop, and Dinobot, Captain Rex, Death Trooper #1-10, Podracer Anakin Skywalker and Padme Amidala in a First Order TIE Fighter, Sharkticon #1-3, Snow Trooper #1-10, Velociraptor #1-9, Utah Raptor #1 & 2, and Jedi Youngling #15.

Week 5 Democracy

TEAM Vs. Better Than All of You

TEAM is Superman, Superboy, Unicron, Primus, Dave Bowman: The Starchild, Loki (w/ Sceptre and Space Stone), The Collector (w/ Reality Stone), Beta Ray Bill, God Emperor Leto II, Optimus Prime w/ Roller, Ms. Marvel, Trygon, Joe Levine w/ Kelly and Abby, General Grevious w/ Magnaguard Droid #1 & 2, Kefka, Mike Tyson, and The Rat Pack (Frank Sinatra, Dean Martin, Sammy Davis Jr., Peter Lawford, and Joey Bishop) in a tank.

Better Than All of You is Mogo, Ego, Metroplex, Cosmic Spider-Man, Exitar the Exterminator, Trinity in a Stealth X-Wing, Morpheus, Dark Phoenix, The original X-Men: Cyclops, Jean Grey, Archangel, Ice Man, and Beast, Agamemnon and Juno (cymeks), Red Hulk, Red She-Hulk, Black Panther w/ Shiri, Okoye, Nakia, and M'Baku, Hulk Hogan, Macho Man Randy Savage (w/ a Power Ring), Predator #15 (final life), and Red Dragon #2.

Week 5

-800 Points on The Play-Off Planet
-Prizes: A Hammer Bros. Suit, A Black Lantern Ring, 327 Nubian.
-Death Match

Match-ups:
-TEAM Vs. Better Than All of You (Democracy)
-Two Hungry Dinomites with Bubble Fightin Fun Down Tight Vs. Be Gentle it's My First Time (Josh)
-The Striders of Rohan Vs. Ahsoka's Acrobatic Assassins (Josh)
-George Washington's House Elves Vs. The LGBTQ Friendly Persons of Inadequate Height (Ed)
-The Super Orange Kitty Sisters Vs. Charles Barkley's Turrible Decisions (Chris)
-The Empire Vs. John and Vader's House of Sith Aids (Consortium)

Season X, Week 4: Better Than All of You vs The Empire

Better than all of you is: Mogo, Ego, Metroplex, Cosmic Spiderman, Exitar the Exterminator, Trinity and Morpheus in a Stealth X Wing, Dark Phoenix, Archangel, Agamemnon

The Empire is: Galactus and Nova, Silver Surfer, Full Spectrum Kyle Raynor, Sky Lynx, Obi Wan Kenobi w/ Obi Wan’s Star Fighter, Surtur, The Eradicator, Mephisto, Deathstroke, Ares, Black Queen

The Silver Surfer and Kyle Raynor scan the vast cosmos of the Milky Way. Nearby, the lifeless remains of the rest of The Betters and their Empire teammates float aimlessly on a sea of nothing. Raynor, recently exhausted, is now refreshed after besting Mogo and draining the planet of its lifeforce. It wasn’t an easy task but with the assistance of Galactus and Nova, who helped before Dark Phoenix and Exitar defeated them, the job was a bit lighter.

He senses Ego, their last opponent still very much alive and in relative closeness only four light minutes away. As the Silver Surfer follows Raynor into battle, Radd has time to reflect on the monumental task still at hand and begins to doubt his abilities to help. He shakes off the feeling and returns his focus to the present.

The Surfer feels the shock wave hit him as Raynor and Ego smash into each other at velocities nearing the speed of light. Naturally, he is amped and crouches low on the deck, moves to the rail of his board and rides that gnarly wave crest before kicking out to check on his teammate. He can see that the collision has knocked them both unconscious and also has torn a hole in the fabric of space where the tiniest of black holes is starting to form. As the Surfer races closer the he can feel the pull getting stronger as the maw begins to widen, ready to devour them all. He gets to Raynor and tries his hardest to surf out but the pull begins to slow his progress until he is not only halted but starts to pull backward.

Raynor regains consciousness and immediately recognizing the predicament they find themselves in. Finding the only source of matter nearby, a recently awoken Ego who is unable to slow his descent into the black hole. Raynor aims his ring directly at Ego and with all force he can summon, directs a beam of energy that powers the two of them out of unforgiving gravitational hold while burying Ego in the bottomless void.

Be Gentle It's My First Time Vs. The Super Orange Kitty Sisters

Be Gentle it's My First Time is Black Goku, Jedi Knight #1-3 in 3 A-Wings, Plo Koon in The Scimitar, Poe Dameron & BB-8 in a Stealth X-Wing, Jedi Knight #4 & 5 in 2 B-Wings, King Ghodira, Dr. Fate, Steppenwolfe, The Terrorcons, Black Atom (w/ a Yellow Lantern Ring), The Z-Fighters led by Goku (w/ a Green Lantern Ring), The Colonial Marines, Dr. Strange (w/ a Time Stone), Wong, and Mako (w/ a Yellow Lantern Ring). The whole team is in a Guild Ship captained by Kahn.

The Super Orange Kitty Sisters are Abeloth, Supergirl, Powergirl, Polaris in a V-Wing, Scarlet Witch in a V-Wing, Hades, Blackfire, Starfire, Arsenal and The Red Hood piloting Count Dooku's Ship w/ Daisy Duck, James Vietch in an Autobot Exo-Suit, Baby Ewok #4-5, and Space Trooper #1-5, Tomar Tu, Darth Traya (w/ a Red Lantern Ring), Athena, and Shockwave.


The enormous Guild Ship hovers in the Milky Way with the entire Be Gentle Squad aboard fully prepared for battle. Though the ship is immobile without a Guild Navigator aboard to work the Holtzman Engines, the stationary ship functions as an excellent Space Fortress. The Super Kitties have no other option but to go on the offensive, despite having no idea what lies within the walls of the massive space-folding ship.

Dooku's special Genosian built solar sail ship piloted by flying ace Arsenal is at the center of the attack formation, being flanked on each side by a Kryptonian and a V-wing containing an X-Man (actually X-Woman) on each side. The rest of the team hangs slightly back following the lead of Abeloth. The Super Kitties begin to formulate a plan of attack, but before they can, Captain Kahn sends out his first wave. As both the east and west end entrances of the gigantic Guild ship open, the entire fighter ship fleet of seven led by Poe comes out the East side and King Ghodira, The Terrorcons, Mako, Steppenwolfe, Black Atom, both the Gokus, and the rest of The Z-Fighters exit on the West side in an attempt to completely surround the Super Kitties.

The carnage begins:....

Shockwave transforms into his massive cannon form and mounts himself to the side of Scarlet Witch's V-Wing. With his first mega-powered blast, Shockwave completely obliterates Tien Shinhan. But the Z-Fighters waste no time getting revenge. Piccollo and Krillin fly in fast and each punch a big hole into a thick piece of metal. In Piccollo's case it was into Scarlet Witch's V-Wing, disabling the ship (though Scarlet Witch ejected away from the site). For Krillin, his massive punch went directly into the center of Shockwave, destroying the spark of the veteran Decepticon. Gohan and the two Gokus find themselves locked in an evenly matched battle of certified Universe Destroyers as they engage with the massive, fanged Abeloth. King Ghodira clips the wing of Polaris' V-Wing causing her to eject from the exploding ship. The massive three-headed Kaiju is unharmed by the fierce outer space conditions, but he is having trouble moving himself with his wings. Though not moving quickly, that doesn't mean that the monster is easy to kill, even when double-teamed by two Greek gods. Athena and her uncle Hades leap onto the beast and begin to pound on him with a vengeance. Hades manages to rip the center head off of Ghodira, but it just enrages the rest of the monster. His right head goes in for the kill and swallows the god of the Underworld whole. Athena then uses the death of Hades as a diversion as she plunges her sword into the heart of the now two headed Monster King to finish him off. Athena, now floating freely in space, is not moving around as well as the Super Saiyans. She launches her sword with amazing strength to take out Chiaotzu from a distance, but by disarming herself she then falls victim to attacks from Yamicha and Bulma. The Terrorcons merge to form Abominus but Scarlet Witch, who is now floating by on a small asteroid with her sister Polaris uses her mystical mutant powers to pull the gestalt back apart. As the five monster Decepticons find themselves separated and confused, Polaris then puts them back together; but not neatly like they were before. The daughter of Magneto crushes the five of them together with her mastery of magnetism and then to add insult to injury includes the sparkless carcass of her teammate Shockwave to the clump as well. Sweating in her space suit and pushing her powers to the max Scarlet Witch looks over to her sister and worriedly asks what she plans to do next. “MAKE AN ENTRANCE” Polaris yells as she sends the enormous clump of Cybertronian metal into the side of the Guild ship creating a huge hole.

As the majority of the fighting begins moving towards the Guild Ship, Black Goku, Green Goku, and Gohan are still battling Abeloth. The Mother of Mortis bites the head off of Gohan and grabs a hold of Goku and Goku with her two hands. Abeloth summons all the Force power she can muster in an attempt to absorb the essence of the two powerful beings in her grip. But before she manages to finish them, the two Gokus use all of their African-American and Climate Justice powers to ensure that the Galaxy's greatest Force user joins them in death.

As some of the members of the Be Gentle squad start to worry once they see the gaping hole in the side of their Guild Ship, Kahn, confident in his team's defenses simply says: “Let them come, it is only their destruction that awaits them”.

Poe takes aim at Dooku's ship taking out their rear engine, but Arsenal manages to crash land the ship inside the Guild Ship which dwarfs the vessel in size. The Kitties squad scatter as they are instantly met by the defensive forces of the Gentles. Darth Traya and Tomar Tu swoop into the Guild Ship to lend some back-up to their fellow Kitty Sisters. The Five Space Troopers move out of the crashed ship first with excellent military precision, but they are quickly mowed down by the Colonial Marines who have them covered from an elevated position from the scaffold like girders of the Guild Ship's launching area. The Space Troopers return fire, but only manage to take out Dietrich of the Colonial Marines before the Troopers are all killed.

Poe gets on the com telling his squadron to “lock S-Foils in attack position”. He plans to lead his crew back towards the Guild Ship to lend a hand to his teammates; but doesn't realize that The Kitties still have quite a bit of firepower on the outside of the ship too. Polaris and Scarlet Witch float over on Asteroid P and do a little sister teamwork on the pilots. Scarlet Witch dizzies the minds of a few of the Jedi, while Polaris causes one of the B-Wings to crash into one of the A-Wings. This worked almost too well, but before they could duplicate the attack, Plo Koon takes the Scimitar out of Cloak and blasts Asteroid P with an Advanced Concussion Missile incinerating the two X-Men. The remaining members of the Z-Fighters fly in fast to join the fight; but they are cut off at the pass by Blackfire and Starfire. Even more Sister team up love takes place as the two expert space fighting Tamaranians take out Piccollo, Yamcha, Yajirobe, and Bulma with a flurry of laser eye blasts and building leveling punches. They save Krillin for last so they can make several midget jokes before they crack his neck. Starfire and her sister Blackfire, move their attention towards the ships who set their sheilds to the front and lock onto the two Tamaranian targets. But that isn't the girl power duo they should have been most worried about as both Supergirl and Powergirl fly in from behind at speeds that even these stunt fighters can't attain. The Kryptonians take out the two remaining A-Wings and last B-Wing with concentrated heat vision blasts and each deliver a punch to Plo Koon's Scimitar to send it out of control. Poe target locks Starfire with a proton torpedo and perfectly makes the shot; but Blackfire, Supergirl, and Powergirl converge on the Stealth X-Wing and rip it to pieces before rushing back to the Guild Ship to help out their fellow Kitty Sisters..... Unless of course it is already too late.....

Tomar Tu gave everything he could in his one on one fight against Dr. Fate, but even after he completely drained the power of his green lantern ring, it wasn't enough to win the fight. Dr. Fate held off the lantern and then easily finished him with a mystical blast to the head once his green energy aura had diminished. Mako takes aim at The Red Hood with his Yellow Lantern Ring, but Daisy Duck screams “NOOOOOOO” as she jumps in front of him and takes the blast for her buddy Jason Todd. The angered Red Hood avenges his Duck friend as he pumps Mako full of lead from his high-powered pistols. James Vietch is transformed into car form in his Exo-Suit with two crazy Baby Ewoks riding on him. He goes crashing into the Colonial Marines. The Marines open fire, but the Autobot weapons systems take out several of space force. Private Hudson takes out Vietch with a machine gun blast; but the explosion not only kills the comedian and his ewok friends, but several of the Marines as well. Only Hicks, Hudson, Apone, and Vasquez remain.

Both teams converge near the engine room of the Guild Ship as the final remaining powerhouses square off. Dr. Strange and Wong surround Darth Traya. But the Sith Lord uses the Force to send two purple lightsabers into the chest of Wong. Strange opens up the Eye of Agamatto on Lord Traya and manages to overpower her despite her intense mastery of The Force. Traya goes down, but her red lantern ring channels her Sith Rage and spews red vomit energy all over Dr. Strange to leave this fight survivorless.

Sgt. Apone sets up a great defensive posture, but Arsenal and The Red Hood have studied military positioning far too well in their years under Batman and Green Arrow. The two former sidekicks, take out the last four Colonial Marines with ease. Kahn uses the diversion of the Marines and his post-human superior speed to sneak up behind the Red Hood; but Arsenal turns at the last second and puts an arrow through Kahn's eye socket.

Supergirl and Steppenwolfe are hitting each other with wall-busting punches, while Black Atom is getting double-teamed by Blackfire and Powergirl. Red Hood and Arsenal are leaping around wildly with amazing melee moves, but are finding themselves outmatched by Dr. Fate.

Black Atom perfectly combines his mystical powers with yellow energy powers to completely blast Blackfire into mere molecules.

Arsenal and The Red Hood send every bullet and arrow they have at Dr. Fate; but he blocks them all and crushes the two humans with two enormous crates from the Guild ship.

Supergirl blocks every punch that Steppenwolfe sends her way and brings a closed double fist down on the head of Darkseid's soldier, snapping his powerful neck.

Powergirl witnessed the enormous display of power from Dr. Fate and flies in fast to avenge Red Hood and Arsenal. She tackles Dr. Fate and takes flight with him in her arms. They fight wildly as they both fly into the Holtzman engine blowing the Guild Ship to bits and killing both of them in the massive nuclear explosion of the engine and ship.

Destroyed debris and two combatants float around the area, when the final two make eye contact. Nothing but space garbage is in sight for thousands of miles when Black Atom and Supergirl lock eyes. Black Atom hits Supergirl with a punch that would make a skyscraper fall, but the Kryptonian comes right back at him. Black Atom charges up his yellow lantern ring for a blast, but Supergirl hits the ring with a potent shot of heat vision to destroy it. Black Atom and Supergirl both fly at each other with every bit of power they can muster and each deliver their most powerful possible punch to the face of their opponent.

Supergirl is bruised and battered floating in space unconscious for hours, when she wakes up next to the body of Black Atom and comes to realize that......

TEAM Vs. John and Vader's House of Sith Aids

TEAM is Superman, Superboy, Unicron, Primus, Dave Bowman: The Starchild, Loki (w/ scepter & Space Stone), Beta Ray Bill, The Collector (w/ The Reality Stone), Titan #1-2, Ms. Marvel, Sith Acolyte John Zacharski, Dr. Robotnik, Robot Sonic, and Autobot #1-4.

John and Vader's House of Sith Aids is The Fallen, Grimlock, Slag, Swoop, Sludge, Snarl, The Predicons, The Pretender Monsters, Darth Bane (w/ a Red Lantern Ring) in the Darth Vader Transformer, Darth Vader in his TIE Advanced, Anakin Skywalker in a TIE Interceptor, Ahsoka Tano in a TIE Interceptor, Pre-Suit Darth Vader in a TIE Interceptor, Darth Nihilus in a TIE Interceptor, 4-Lom in a TIE Interceptor, Chop Shop, Venom, Ransack, Barrage, and Sharkticon #1-2.


Unicron and Primus each position themselves on the two far ends of the Milky Way. The two brothers haven't spoken in many million years, but after being put on this team and both started together, they have decided that they would not battle each other, but instead let the lesser beings competing against them choose which side of the Solar System they would die on.

Lord Vader, the prize pilot of The Empire leads his entire squad as one uniform squadron. Ahsoka comes over the com, stating that she heard they have enormous robots on TEAM that crush and devour planets. Vader retorts: “The ability to destroy a planet is insignificant next to the power of The Force”.

Vader continues: “Stay with me and we will destroy them ship to ship”.

Vader and his crew begin a massive strafing run on Primus, when some of TEAM's counter-measure forces emerge from the massive Planet-Transformer. The two Titan Cymeks in full space-battle mode blast Barrage and Ransack with massive lasgun blasts melting them into scrap, but the other two Deluxe Insecticons double back to seek revenge for their partners. The two large Insecticons land on the ancient robots with human brains and eat away the metal until the brains are exposed and killed, though Titan #2 was able to trigger a nuclear self-destruct counter-measure, which ended the two Insecticons as well.

The Starchild comes into the scene, seemingly out of nothingness. He appears directly in front of the Black V-Wing containing the original Dark Lord of the Sith and creator of the rule of two Darth Bane. Bane ejects from the ship and takes flight with his red lantern powers, while his V-Wing transforms into a massive robot version of Darth Vader. Ms. Marvel shows up to even the odds and help out Dave Bowman, but she isn't as useful as Ed hoped she would be when he thought he was picking Captain Marvel in the draft. She uses her over-sized fist to put a good sized dent in the side of Trans-Vader (Ya know, Vader when he self-identifies as a Decepticon (don't judge)). But Trans-Vader sends his massive lightsaber missile through Ms. Marvel to make short work of her. Bowman uses his cosmic abilities to negate The Force power of Lord Bane and revert both of them back to human vulnerability. They stand as equals, but Bane's Red Lantern ring kicks in as a last line of defense and coats the former astronaut with red energy. Darth Bane begins to regain his bearings, but in his weakened state is no match against a Hammer to the face from Beta Ray Bill.

The Dinobots have landed on the surface of Primus, who has decided to continue to lay dormant against a threat he views as insignificant at best. The five Dinobots led by Grimlock begin to focus on one small area of the massive Transformer. While they bite, stomp, and attack the apathetic Transformer God, Loki takes control of the feeble minds of the two Sharkticons and laughs mischievously while he forces them to eat each other. He then attempts to make The Pretender Monsters do the same, but before he can, The Predicons merge to form Prediking and destroy the Asgardian with their massive sword. The Pretender Monsters then merge to form Monstructor and the two gestalts team up to easily wipe out all four Autobots as well as The Collector, Dr. Robotnik and his henchman the Sonic Robot. The two gestalts, though absolutely enormous on earth are then brought in by a huge claw extractment on the side of Primus that pulls them inside and sends them to an incinerator within the depths of the metal monstrosity.

Beta Ray Bill clips the TIE Interceptor of Darth Nihilus, causing him to crash land on the surface of Primus. Lord Nihilus escapes the Imperial ship and finds himself face to face with the young Sith Acolyte John Zacharski. The two of them both ignite their crimson lightsabers but before they duel, John speaks: “Lord Nihilus, I have studied your art well. Let us drop our allegiance from these two teams. If we were two join forces, you as Master and me as your apprentice we could rule not just TEAM and The Sith Aids but the entire league”.

Nihilus contemplates, but says: “You are not worthy. I will prove my loyalty to The Sith Aids by making an example of you here and now”.

Nihilus then begins the process of his soul-sucking insta-kill which has never been evaded by any opponent, and moves towards Zacharski. Lord Nihilus moves with amazing speed and accomplishes his kill on Zacharski, but shockingly looks down to see that John was able to use The Force to actually see the attack before it happened and deliver his own lightsaber into the chest of Darth Nihilus. Forcing the man who could have been his master to die as well.

Superboy lands on the ship of 4-LOM and punches a hole into the cockpit. Superboy, then effortlessly grabs 4-LOM out and rips him in half. The Fallen flies in in Jet Form and begins to blast Superboy, but Superboy is able to take flight and avoid the shots. The jet then turns into robot form and grabs a hold of the young Superman clone. The Fallen applies several million pounds of pressure on the body of Superboy to crush the life out of him, but almost as if he was squeezing it out of him, Superboy uses the last of his power to slice The Fallen in two with a beam of heat vision to extinguish his spark.

Unicron, from the other side of the Solar System begins to realize that the threat of The Sith Aids was far more than he had thought and starts to make his way over to the other side of The Milky Way........

Superman, who had originally been stationed over with Unicron arrives on the scene well before Unicron does. He sees Vader, leading Anakin, Anakin/Vader, and Ahsoka in a standard two by two formation and flies in to break it up. The Skywalker offshoots all scatter, but Ahsoka and her ship are blasted to pieces by Superman. The Darth Vader Transformer comes back into play and grabs a hold of his massive missile like a lightsaber. He swings the house-sized saber at Supes, but the Kryptonian dodges the attack, doubles back around the Transformer and then blasts through the chest of the robot leaving a lifeless chunk of metal in his wake.

“ME GRIMLOCK STILL HUNGRY” The Dinobot leader exclaims to his friends, despite making a hole in the side of Primus the size of a semi-truck. The Dinobots continue their chaotic attack, when Primus finally decides that he has had enough. Primus is considering transforming into robot form for the first time in several million years, but he instead diverts thruster power into laser force field projection and melts Grimlock, Slag, Sludge, Swoop, and Snarl where they stand.

Although, Primus and his TEAMmates, have no idea that the Dinobots attack was not simply a chaotic last ditch effort against the massive Transformer Planet, but a well thought out military plan from Lord Vader himself. Primus thinks himself very invincible as Vader, Anakin, and Anakin/Vader set up their next attack run.

But just when you think one enormous transforming robot is too much to handle, a second one always seems to show up. Unicron, in full robot mode shows up and sends an enormous blast towards the three ships attacking his brother. The two shieldless TIE Interceptors are destroyed, but Vader in his TIE Advanced is able to take evasive action and avoid the attacks of Unicron. Vader flies around the side of Primus, disables his targeting computer and places a perfectly aimed proton torpedo into the hole in Primus, that he had instructed the Dinobots to create.

The blast cause a huge chain reaction inside the large sphere....

Primus explodes in a massive fireball.

The blast disables Vader's TIE, forcing him to eject and land on the back of Unicron, where he is met by Superman.

“An impressive light show you brought us today”. Superman says as he slowly approaches Vader.

Vader chooses to not retort, as he force pushes Superman back about ten feet. Superman is shocked, but bounces right back. Vader knows that this is a long shot, because after he kills Superman he will still have to deal with Unicron and any other stragglers; so he wastes no time moving in for the attack. Superman backtracks in flight and hits Vader with some heat vision, but Vader blocks it with his freshly ignited lightsaber. He then force leaps at the Kryptonian, but his control in space is nothing compared to Superman's flght abilities. Superman is able to move out of the way of his attack and deliver one solid punch to destroy the integrity of Vader's suit and end the fight.

Week 4: The Striders of Rohan vs. The Politically Correct Cult of Shrinky Dinks

The Striders of Rohan are: Kylo Ren in a TIE Silencer, John Stewart, Captain Marvel, Odin w/ White Lantern Ring, Wolverine w/ Red Lantern Ring, Adam Warlock, The Guardians of the Galaxy (Star Lord, Gamora, Drax the Destroyer, Rocket Raccoon, Groot, Nebula, Mantis, Yondu, and Kraglin) in Star Lord’s ship, Red Lanterns #1-2, Cyborg Superman, Hancock, Jedi Master #1 in Anakin’s Starfighter, T-2 and T-3 in First Order Command Shuttle, Admiral William Kelly in a Stealth X-Wing, Supreme Leader Snoke with Xenomorph Aliens #1-15 and Jedi Masters #2-8 in The Executrix, Circuit Breaker, and Goblins #1-3.

The Gender Neutral Group of Misunderstood Little People are: Magneto, Mr. Mxyzptlk, Larfleeze, Omega Supreme, Sinestro, Han Solo with Chewbacca, Peppy Hare, and Ewok #9 in The Millenium Falcon, Starscream, Ganthet, Sayd, White Lantern Batman, Lando Calrissian with Nien Numb, Lobot, and Ewok #10 in The Outrider, Star Fox in an Arwing, Star Wolf in an Arwing, Air Zonk w/ Power Dump and Astra, and Mighty Mouse.

The Milky Way: Home to such celebrities as Bruce Willis and Bill Nye. Such beautiful locations as the Grand Canyon, The Moon, and the grave of Hitler’s racehorse in Louisiana. But what IS the Milky Way? Believe it or not, very little of it is made of milk at all! It’s a galaxy, our galaxy in fact, and it gets its name from the bands of milky white stars visible from afar on the earth’s surface. Up close, however, it just looks like tons and tons of black space with shiny polka dots. Tonight, the usually peaceful glimmer of stars is replaced with distant explosions and streaks of multicolored light tearing across the night sky, leading many on our humble planet to round up their guns and get into the makeshift bunkers full of canned asparagus. It wasn’t a sign of the end times, but rather a fierce battle raging between our two teams of formidable space fighters.

The two fleets approached each other at the Mars-Jupiter borderline. The Striders were undeniably the more imposing force, with almost twice as many ships and a strong handful of supporting forces to boot. Despite the diminutive size of The Little People, they brought a lot of strength in a small package.  Floating on an asteroid a good distance from the frontlines, Mr. Mxyzptlk was trying to teach Ganthet and Sayd to play a game he brought. “So basically, we all pick where the ships move at the same time, then after they move we have a battle phase”, he explained. His opponents, Ganthet and Sayd, were visibly frustrated. “Okay, but I don’t understand all these little pieces and symbols. What am I supposed to do with the dial again?” Mxyzptlk shook his head and chuckled. “I’ll give you guys a hand since you’re beginners. See the choice with the arrow going straight and the number 5? That’s gonna move you toward your enemy the fastest.” They each chose this option and set down their dials, as Mr. M put down a pair of dials with curving arrows. As the dials hit the table, The Guardians of the Galaxy in the Milano began to fly rapidly toward the enemy lines, along with the T-2 and T-3 in the Command Shuttle. As they charged, the Millenium Falcon and The Outrider came around from flanks in a pincer attack, and together they blew through both Striders ships before either could launch an attack of their own. Sayd sighed, “Mxyzptlk, you’re not such a great teacher. That was a cheap trick.” The Interdimensional Imp laughed, “Well, I guess it’s a good thing I gave you the enemy ships, then!” Suddenly, Cyborg Superman burst through the asteroid, flinging the broken Guardians of the Universe into space. “Mxyzptlk, of course. Sorry to crash your little game night.” Mxyzpytlk scoffed. “Oh, do your worst, you’re not even the real Superman.” CyberSupes firmly clamped his hand around the Imp’s throat, and he slapped Superman’s metal shell with a feeble swipe. Mxyzptlk’s lifeless body was thrown to the ground, but the point of his final slap had begun to rust, and crumble, and spread across Cyborg Superman’s body until he fell apart into a pile of rusted scraps and decaying meat.

Back at the main scene, the bewildered crews of the Millenium Falcon and Outrider wondered how their vehicles took off on their own and executed such a well coordinated attack. They didn’t stop to wonder long, though, as the entire Striders fleet rushed out toward them The Executrix was quick to blow Lando and his Outrider apart, but the Millenium Falcon was evading Kylo’s TIE Silencer and Jedi Master #1 in Anakin’s Starfighter. From behind them, Fox McCloud and Wolf O'Donnell rolled up in their Arwings and shot down Jedi Master #1. They had their sights on Kylo’s TIE, but a Stealth X-Wing came from nowhere and took them both out first. “Surprise, fagknuckles!” cheered Admiral William Kelly from the cockpit. As the remaining Striders chased down the elusive Falcon, the shipless masses of the battle were still locked in battle. Air Zonk, Power Dump, and Astra had blasted away the Goblins on the Striders side, and Red Lantern Wolverine wasn’t pleased with that. “HEY BUB, YOU SUPPOSED TO BE SOME KNOCKOFF MEGAMAN?” Air Zonk began to reply, but Logan simply screamed a blast of burning red bile onto the trio, dissolving them instantly. High above, the Millenium Falcon had managed some rather impressive maneuvers and taken down the Executrix. Captain Marvel, Odin, and John Stewart joined together and rushed the ship, busting through the final spacecraft threatening their team. Meanwhile, the final two spacecrafts on the Striders side were circling around in search of easy prey to pick off. They found their prey in Omega Supreme, but Starscream reacted quickly and retaliated against William Kelly’s Stealth X-Wing.

Kylo Ren skirted the edge of the battlefield. The remaining forces of each team began to group up, two distinct clusters of immense power waiting to clash. As they rushed to the fight, Kylo made a charge to strike his foes from behind. He landed a killing blow on Mighty Mouse, but the moment he fired, he turned the head of Magneto, who crumpled the Silencer to an unrecognizable mass and chucked it to drift through space. Larfleeze and Magneto stood side by side, lobbing suppressing fire at the enemy ring-bearers. Circuit Breaker crept up behind Starscream and broke his circuits with great aptitude, before White Lantern Batman batted her out of the playing field. He then returned his focus to his teammates. Wolverine had grown tired of hiding back from the barrage of light projections, and he charged their lines. Chunks blew off of him enraging him further, until he pounced on Larfleeze in a flurry of blades and teeth. By the time Magneto twisted Logan’s bones and peeled him from Larfleeze, there was little left to recognize of Agent Orange.

Magneto, Sinestro, and White Lantern Batman stood alone for The Little People. Adam Warlock, Hancock, John Stewart, Captain Marvel, and Odin had them surrounded. “Damn it all!” Sinestro snarled. “We were the superior force! The sheer incompetence is disgusting.” With a grimace, Magneto said, “It does appear we’re outnumbered.” White Lantern Batman, solemn and dignified, spoke up. “Life has a funny way of surprising you. Life gives, and life takes. Let me give you a little life while I’ve got some left.” He cast a bright white bubble around his teammates, shiny and hard as a pearl. He faced the remaining Striders of Rohan and charged his ring, glowing brighter and brighter, until it cracked and shattered from his hand. His body burst apart, erupting into a gigantic swarm of searing white bats, rolling over the Striders and burning them out of existence.

Week 4 Consortium

Ahsoka's Acrobatic Assassins Vs. George Washington's House Elves

The Assassins are Hera Syndulla, Kanan Jarrus, and Zeb in The Ghost, Sabine Wren, Ezra Bridger, and Chopper in The Phantom, Poggle the Lesser in a Genosian Starfighter, Sun Fac in a Genosian Starfighter, Genosian Spy in a Genosian Starfighter, Genosian Soldier and Genosian Drone in a Genosian Starfighter, Salak, Revan in a Jedi Starfighter, Ahsoka Tano (Fulcrum) & R2-D2 in a Jedi Starfighter, Aayla Secura in a Jedi Starfighter, White Lantern Zachary Houslander, Red Lantern Jeff Houslander, Vision, Indigo Lantern #1 & 2, Negative Man, Major Hawk Masterson in a Stealth X-Wing, Ethan Hunt (w/ Indigo Lantern Ring), Son of Mortis in Jedi Starfighter, Nite Owl, Havoc, and The Terminator in Blackbird 1, Chimaera Star Destroyer w/ a crew of Brainiac, Captain Rex, Zillllaaaa, Dark Nitties, Darth Duck, Jim Carey, Bugs Bunny, and Orc #49-50.

The House Elves are Thor, Set, Bizarro Superman, Iron Man, The Inhumans: Black Bolt, Medusa, Karnak, Gorgon, Triton, Crystal, Lockjaw, Maximus the Mad, and The Unspoken, Colossus, Luke Skywalker in Luke's X-Wing, Harry Potter, Dumbledore, The Juggernaut, Mangy Mouse, Shao Kahn, and Vampire #1-4.

Week 3 Standings

-TEAM 3-0
-Dinomites 2-1
-Striders 2-1
-Assassins 1-2
-Gentle 1-2
-Betters 1-2


-Barkley's 3-0
-Little People 2-1
-House Elves 1-2
-Kitties 1-2
-Sith Aids 1-2
-Empire 0-3

Week 4 Democracy Match in Space

Two Hungry Dinomites with Bubble Fighting Fun down Tight Vs. Charles Barkley's Turrible Decisions

Dinomites are Darkseid, General Zod, Ursa, Non, Ranx the Sentient City, Superman Prime (w/ a Red Lantern Ring), Ronan the Accuser (w/a red lantern rings), Wedge Antilles in an X-Wing, Biggs Darklighter in an X-Wing, Jango Fett in an X-Wing, Cassian, K-2SO, and Rebel Soldier #1 in Cassian's U-Wing, Bossk in Hound's Tooth, Ramjet, Flute Cop, Uni-Baby, Rebel Soldier #2-4, & Jar Jar Binks. The whole team is in Sanctuary 2 where necessary.

The Turrible Decisions are Space Ghost and Blip in the Phantom Cruiser, Jan and Jace in their shuttle, Blue Beetle, T-X Terminator, Pan, Artemis, Zufa Cenva, Norma Cenva, Dr. McCoy, Uhura, Data, Scotty, Odo, Nog, Blanka, Resplendent Man, Al Capone (w/ a Power Ring), Jill Stein, Shinobi and his Dog, Jack, Sonja Blade, Kami, Belle and the Beast, Hannukah Harry, Stryke, Haskeer, Coila, Jup, Alfray, and Mani-orc #1-10, Dhalsim, Donkey Kong, The Vampire Lestat, Shrek and Donkey, Dio, Oingo, Boingo, Pet Shop, & Hol Horse, Jotaro Kujo, Joseph Joestar, Mohammed Avdol, Jean-Pierre Polnareff, Noriyoki Kakyoin, and Iggy the Fool.

Season X, Week 3 - Dinomites vs Sith Aids

The Hungry Dinomites That Have Bubble Fighting Fun Down Tight are: Aqauman, Kit Fisto, Nahdar Vebb, Captain Tarpals, Jar Jar Binks, Ewok Scout w/ Frog Suit, Quintessa, Ronan The Acussar w/Red Lantern Ring, General Zod, Ursa, Non, Flute Cop, Uni-Baby, BatWartHogMan, Rebel Soldier, Scattershot, Strafe, Lightspeed, Afterburner, Nosecone

The John and Vader’s House of Sith Aids are: Sharkticons #1-10, The Fallen, Gnaw, Grimlock, Slag, Snarl, Sludge, Swoop, Razorclaw, Divebomb, Headstrong, Rampage, Tantrum, Jet Jaguar, Ultra Man, Dinobot, Birdbrain, Bristleback, Icepick, Scowl, Slog, Wildfly, Darth Bane equipped with Red Lantern Ring, White Suit Anakin Skywalker, Navy Seal #1-20


It’s robot bashing mania here in the Naboo Planet Core. The Dinobots and Pretender Monsters from the Sith Aids have faced off against Quintessa and the Technobots for the Dinomites. The Sith Aids are able to win the battle of the bots but General Zod, Ursa and Non are able to easily clean up the rest of the remaining Dinobots before moving on to fight more worthy adversaries.

Darth Bane and Ronan the Accuser are doing their red lantern thing with their rings. You all can imagine. But White Suit Anakin helps tip the scales by turning his suit red with Ronan’s blood. Anakin, Bane, Jet Jaguar and Ultra Man then lead an attack against Kit Fisto, Nahdar Vebb and BatWartHogMan. Kit Fisto is able to best Bane and Jet Jaguar while Vebb and BWHM double team Ultra Man to death but not before Anakin is able to kill all three of them.

Flute Cop swims through some Dinobot oil and becomes Dinosaur Soldier. While riding on his back, Uni-baby rubs his magic horn and wishes for one of those sweet water guns from the Aquaman movie. He tosses it to Flute Cop who uses it to take out five of the Navy Seals. The rest of the Seals and the Sharkticons are able to kill Axe Cop’s brother and the son of Uni-man along with Rebel soldier and Ewok Scout who was trying his hardest to evade death this week by just swimming circles around everyone in his sweet mario frog suit.

Anakin leads the last of the Sharkticons and Navy Seals in a final battle against Zod, Ursa and Non. The Seals and Sharkticons all perish in the skirmish as Anakin drives his lightsaber through the chest of Non. He stares down Zod and Ursa trying to plan the best attack when he looks left and sees Aquaman riding on the back of Jar Jar Binks, using his ears to steer the Gungan senator toward the fight.

Anakin stands no chance as Aquaman restrains him with a vortex of water before driving his trident through his chest.

Aquaman dismounts Jar Jar who turns to Captain Tarpals and says “Weesa goin’ home!”

Week 4

600 points in The Milkey Way
Prizes: A Vampire Bite, A Tanooki Suit, and A Sith Fighter.

Match-ups:
-TEAM Vs. John and Vader's House of Sith Aids (Josh)
-Two Hungry Dino-Mites with Bubble Fightin Fun Down Tight Vs. Charles Barkley's Turrible Decisions (Democracy)
-The Striders of Rohan Vs. The Short Tards (Dave)
-Ahsoka's Acrobatic Assassins Vs. George Washington's House Elves (Consortium)
-Be Gentle it's My First Time Vs. The Super Orange Kitty Sisters (Josh)
-Better Than All of You Vs. The Empire (Fizz)

The Striders of Rohan Vs. Charles Barkley's Turrible Decisions

The Striders of Rohan are Seaworm #1-9, Alan Trammell, Tim Cheveldae, Paul Coffey, Steve Yzerman, Bryan Murray, Barry Sanders, Gollum, Meriadoc Brandybuck, Peregrin Took, Wormtongue, Duncan Idaho Ghola #4, Eowyn, John Stewart, Blue Lantern #1-2, Hancock (in a frog suit), The Incredibles, Bill the Pony, Odin (w/ a White Lantern Ring), Capt. Marvel, Cyborg Suerman, Fremen #1-20, Goblins #1-13.

Charles Barkley's Turrible Decisions are The Seacons, Black Manta, Killer Kroc, Batman, Robin, Alfred (w/ a green lightsaber), Hal Jordan, White Lantern Kyle Raynor, The Q Continuum: Q, Q2, Lady Q, q, Colonel Q, and Quinn, Kitana (in a Frog Suit), Yaddle, and Jedi Padawan #1 (in a Penguin Suit).


YOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO HOMIES!! It's the Neonizzle Mizzle POH-Gizzle here to drown your mind with some aquatic madness. I mean, Ima be straight with you and say that some of the deets might not be that accurate considering where I'll be watching from, cuz I don't swim; so needless to say: I keep my Neon butt out the lake.

Alan Trammell takes a leadership role for The Striders as they are all dropped in to the Planet Core, and by leadership role, I mostly mean that he is drowning better than most of his teammates who, like him cannot breathe underwater. Luckily for The Striders, they have a veteran green lantern on their squad who can work an OA Ring like he was ringing a bell. John Stewart creates an energy coated water-free oxygen bubble and grabs several of the Rohan Striders before they drown. Namely Tramm, Tim, Paul, Steve, The Bry, Merry, Pippin, Wormtongue, Duncan Idaho, The Incredibles and Eowyn. A few of the Goblins made it into the bubble too, but nine of the thirteen drowned. The poor Fremen on the other hand drowned, well, actually most of them either suicided themselves or died of shock when they saw that much water. Growing up on a Desert Planet, nearly devoid of water they recognized themselves to be the worst possible play for this setting (too bad their owner didn't). Yaddle from the Barkley's squad drowned as well, but at least before hand she got to give some great words of wisdom to her Padawan Learner Jimmy (Padawan #1) who is protected by a Penguin Suit.

John Stewart first assigns the task of maintaining the oxygen bubble to Blue Lantern #1, while Blue Lantern #2 sticks close to Stewart to keep his green ring charged to 200%. Stewart then asks Hancock if he wants in on his energy oxygen bubble but; Hancock instead retorts colorfully: “DO I LOOK LIKE I NEED A GOD D*(&*( OXYGEN BUBBLE”?!!? Naw man, I'm tight on yo oxygen bubble, because the owner of our team put me in a *(_&*)^&(^&(* *)(*)(&^%^((*&*ing MARIO BROTHAS FROG SUIT!! I got powers on par with Superman, I went Round 1 in Season 2 the first time around, I got zero deaths, and my whole Mutha *&*(^$^%$%&* Fantasy Fantasy Career ahead of me and now I got to spend the entire thing within the confines of a Frog Suit. I'll be flying around the city IN A FROG SUIT, rockin the arctic IN A FROG SUIT. Forest Week, LEMME GRAB MY FROG SUIT. Time for the Play-Offs: IN AN EFFIN FROG SUIT. So, naw man, I'm good. I don't need no oxygen bubbles. I got a frog suit. I can hold my breath for like a year by the way; but I don't need to worry about that today. Cuz I gots a FROG SUIT”.

John Stewart begins to answer, but is once again interupted by Hancock......

“That poor pony over there sure coulda used a Frog Suit”. Hancock says angrily as he points to the carcass of Sam's pet pony Bill floating back up to the surface.

Tramm knew from the onset, that if his squad was going to have any chance that they were going to have to take out the big guns on The Turrible Decisions. The big guns meaning the Seacons, who have already merged to form Pirrahnacon, with Nautilator operating as their primary weapon. For this reason, The Striders have made sure that the sights of the mighty Seaworms were set directly on the Decepticon Water Gestatlt.

Odin, with his new White Lantern Ring is quite the force to be reckoned with. An amazing weapon assignment which almost makes up for Frog Suit Hancock. The god King of Asgard convenes with The Q Continuum over a few pints of ale in an attempt to end the match without so much bloodshed. The group realizes that the fight must continue; but Odin agrees to rack up a death and disappear under the powers of The Q Continuum as long as he can take a few others with him. Odin disappears into the great beyond with Quinn, who wishes for nothing more than to experience a mortal death, White Lantern Kyle Raynor, and Hal Jordan (but not before old Hal drops a big green energy bomb in the shape of “#metoo” on Capt. Marvel to take her out like it ain't no thang.

Batman, Robin, and Alfred are moving about the water in a roughly constructed bat-submarine. Bruce wishes he could have brought more vehicle to work with, but at least he was able to put something together with such short notice. Cyborg Superman rushes at the makeshift water vehicle, but Batman is able to blast the Kryptonian with an injector filled with his personal piece of Kryptonite befoe Hank is able to completely destroy their submersible. “Holy broken fish tank Batman”!! Robin yells as they realize that the vehicle is taking in water. Batman at that point makes the only move he can to keep his crew alive. He drives headlong into the oxygen bubble, breaking through the field and destroying his own ship. But now inside the Rohan oxygen bubble, a melee fight commences between Batman, Robin, and a lightsaber wielding Alfred vs. all of the other inhabitants of the bubble.

Outside the bubble, fights rage on as well. Kitana and Padawan Jimmy move against John Stewart and his Blue Lantern buddy, while Froggy Hancock battles with Killer Kroc. Black Manta joins Piranhacon in his battle against the seven of the original nine Seaworms who are still fiercely attacking.

Black Manta blasts Seaworm #1 in its underbelly to take it out; but it takes nearly all of his firepower to do it. Seaworm #5 then swallows the Aquaman villain whole; but Black manta makes sure to trigger a self-destruct before he dies and takes one more spice melange filled worm with him.

Back in the bubble: Robin analyzes Wormtongue as the biggest threat in the bubble and puts down a neck-shattering roundhouse kick to the psuedo-wizard before the battle really even begins. Alfred throws down some sick fencing moves and puts Merry and Pippin down pretty quick with his trusty lightsaber perfectly colored in British Racing Green. The old butler then meets his match though as he is beheaded by the blade and superior sword skills of Duncan Idaho. Batman drops his fight against the myriad number of Detroit athletes he is facing (The Bry, Paul, and Barry Sanders are already down for the count). Batman then engages with Idaho in a well-matched fight that ends with Batman gaining the upper hand and finishing the Ginaz Swordmaster off with a choke hold that he cannot escape. All this, while Robin delivers a birdarang to the eye of Gollum and then breaks the stick of Steve Yzerman in one fluid motion. Robin picks up the two ends of the broken stick and shoves them into the hearts of both Tim and Steve. The Incredibles are formulating a plan to take out the Caped Crusaders while Eowyn begins battling Batman, with Tramm attempting to attack Robin; but at this point, the Q Continuum sees the futility of this whole Bubble Exercise and they simply use their minds to break the ring of Blue Lantern #1 causing the water to kill the lantern as well as those residing in the bubble.

John Stewart blasts Frog Suit Kitana, cuz we're just kinda doin a Green Lantern > Girls thing today; but before Stewart can take out his wrath on Jimmy the Padawan, the Young Q Member known as q, gets a little upitty and decides that he wants to test his powers against a green and blue lantern. Kid q, swims in and goes all cosmic explosion on John Stewart and Blue Lantern #2 as they all join each other in death. Speaking of joining in death, the battle between Hancock and Killer Kroc has been a brawl for the ages. Hancock is moving good with his Frog Suit and is stronger than his opponent; but Kroc is pretty strong himself and still has the edge in this setting. Kroc bites down on the Froggy throat of Hancock just as Hancock pounds his mighty fists into the side of Kroc's neck. Both of their necks break as they move towards the lifeless bottom of the Planet Core.

The Nubian Planet Core is filled with blood, death, and destruction. Enough so, that the remaining members of the Q Continuum decide that this has reached a level of too much carnage and that they must intervene and truly end this match. They deliberate over it for a few hours and decide that the lives of the Seaworms must be extinguished. They begin to move in that direction and when they arrive, they get there just in time to see the battered , dented, but very much still functioning Piranhacon finish off the very last of the Seaworms. Even without their cosmic interference.

Better Than All of You Vs. The Super Orange Kitty Sisters

Better Than All of You is Dark Phoenix, Cosmic Spider-Man, Namor: The Sub-Mariner, The Sando Aqua Monster, Agamemnon & Juno, The Creature from the Black Lagoon, Shipwreck, Sonny, TheN Shark (from Jaws 4), Duff McKagen in a Penguin Suit, Predator #1-15, Slimer, Red She-Hulk, Eeore, and Red Dragon #5.

The Super Orange Kitty Sisters are Abeloth, Ocean Master, Aqualad, Shockwave, Phibian #1-20, Aphrodite, Tomar Tu, The Protectobots, Queen Alien, Bubba Duck, Daisy Duck, Daffy Duck, Ttanus, Squirtle, Blastois, Agent #1 and Agent #2.


I, Joshatu The Incredible, even with my amazing intellect and superior story telling skills must admit that water matches, though integral in the functionality of The Fantasy Fantasy League, tend to be a bit boring. I never have, in my infinite wisdom ever figured out how to make one of these aquatic adventures into an exciting masterpiece. So, I will simply say from the onset before we (pardon the pun) dive into this match that both of these teams are excellent Hydro-Forces and their owners deserve praise for assembling them.

Betters Team Captain Namor, decided to euthanize Red Dragon #5 before the match started. In this bit of mercy, he thought it better to let the majestic creature die peacefully than drown in the bone-crushing depths of Naboo. Namor offered this same bit of mercy to Eeore, but the donkey simply replied: “It doesn't matter” and was thrust into the water with the rest of his squad.

Namor leads the charge for the Betters, while Ocean Master takes point for The Kitties. Dark Phoenix is using Cosmic Spider-Man as her own personal power vessel as she begins to unleash her power in the form of an eight-legged bird of prey; but she is cornered by the intense Force power of Abeloth. The cosmic Universe Destroyers (Shout out Old Man Parks and Conner) engulf each other and are blasted into infinity to continue their battle for all eternity.

Red She-Hulk took a deep breath right before the team was dropped into the Planet Core. She can hold her breath for a ridiculous amount of time, but she soon became winded after repeated blows to the mid-section by The Two Agents of the Matrix. The last thing She-Rulk saw was the apathetic body of Eeore being ripped apart in the massive undertow. The Agents seem fine in the water, as they are not at all human as they appear to be, but simply computer programs. They may be unaffected by the water, but they do not fare as well against the laser blast from the water-adapted lasgun cannons of the Cymek Titans Agamemnon and Juno.

Shipwreck is rocking an antiquated, but kinda nifty old diving suit from his ship and has teamed up with Slimer and Duff McKagen who is ecstatic to not only be in his new Penguin Suit, but to know that because of that suit, he has basically been solidified as a staple for The Better Than All of You Water Squad (job security for the win). Shipwreck, Duff, and their ghostly friend make short work of Daisy and Daffy Duck but have a little more trouble with Bubba and his wooden club. Squirtle and Blastois come in for some revenge and take out Shipwreck and Slimer with some serious water movement. Duff is able to escape their attacks for now.

Ocean Master and Aqualad join forces and engage in a pitched battle with Namor and The Creature From the Black Lagoon that would make Becks proud. They move through the rough waters with ease and grace. This battle is just beginning, so we will return to it later.

The Phibians surround Jaws, while a battle of mechanical menaces commences about one hundred yards away. Shockwave, Ttanus, and the Protectobots who have merged to form Defensor are squaring off against Agamemnon, Juno, and Sonny from I-Robot. The Queen Alien has no trouble moving about in the water, and her mortal enemies the Predators are doing well too, with their water suits specifically developed for hunting aquatic creatures. Aphrodite, is joined by Squirtle and his evolved form version Blastois as they take on perhaps the toughest combatant of all, the Sando Aqua Monster: who is sporting not only size, strength, and speed; but also home field advantage. The Sando Aqua Monster grabs the Pokemon, one in each fist and is at first repelled by the Mt. Olympus derived powers of Aphrodite's love. The enormous fish, winces in pain at first; but then bites the goddess in half while crushing the life out of Squirtle and Blastois. Fifteen Phibians and 4 Predators die in their battles against Jaws and The Queen Alien; but eventually the shark and the xenomorph are destoryed by sheer numbers. The survivors of the two skirmishes shift their attention to each other and seven more Predators go down before they manage to finish off the remaining five Phibians. Shockwave is the second casualty in the battle of robots, as he blasted apart by Cymek lasguns right after he crushes the artificial life out of Sonny despite his thicker than usual casing. Defensor manages to destory the casing which holds the human brain of Juno before a tactical nuke from Agamemnon extinguishes the spark of the Autobot Gestalt. Agamemnon does not have enough firepower to finish the fight though, as Ttanus puts his metallic dinosaur snout through the center of Agamemnon to expose his ancient human brain and finish him off. The Sando Aqua Monster rushes in dwarfing Ttanus in his weakened state to finish him off, while Tomar Tu rushes in to aid Ocean Master and Aqualad in their battle. Tomar Tu blasts The Creature From The Black Lagoon to pieces, while Namor gets Ocean Master in a headlock eventually snapping the neck of Aquaman's brother. Tomar Tu is then surrounded by the last four Predators (#1,3,7, & 9) and takes out #3 & 7 before he is skewered by the energy harpoons of the remaining two Alien Hunters. Aqualad blind sides Namor with a massive right hook in a rage after seeing his psuedo-uncle killed. Namor goes down hard, and Aqualad swims in fast to finish the job. Predator #9 gets in his way, but Aqualad dispatches him quickly and easily. Aqualad grabs a algae-coated boulder to crush Namor with, but before he can accomplish the task the angered Sando Aqua Monster swoops in and snatches Aqualad out of the water with his powerful jaws. The Sando Aqua Monster swallows Aqualad whole and then swims in an attacking motion towards his own teammate Namor. The massive monster stops his snout directly in the lap of Namor, who pets the top his head saying: “That's a good boy”.........

Be Gentle it's My First Time vs. George Washington's House Elves

BGMFT: Mako w/ Yellow Lantern Ring, Walro, Dolph, Octavia, Lorca, Bronc, Angel, Gupp, Steppenwolf, Zilla, Gooberfish #1, Namorita, Kratos, Hun-Gurr, Rippersnapper, Blot, Sinnertwin, Cutthroat, Cindersaur, Beerus God of Destruction, Carnage, Granny Goodness, Bernadeth, Stompa, Gillotina, Mad Harriet, Lashina, Chuck Norris w/ Penguin Suit, Halo Ring

GWHE: Qui-Gon Jinn w/ Frog Suit, Seaworm #1, Black Bolt, Medusa, Karnak, Gorgon, Triton, Crystal, Lockjaw, Maximus the Mad, The Unspoken, Bizarro Superman, Godzilla, Iron Man, Ajax, Orion, Mangy Mouse, Donald Duck, Scrooge McDuck, Huey, Luey, Duey, Lion-o

Let’s take a dip in the water where we see…TWO Godzillas?? Oh, I see, looks like on legal technicalities they’re different (they’re the exact same). Either way, they start a huge battle where they just attack forever neither gaining an advantage for they’re equally matched. Due to they’re destruction; Donald Duck, Scrooge McDuck, Huey, Luey, Duey, Cindersaur, Cutthroat, Sinnertwin, Bronc, and Gupp all get vaporized by an atomic ray.

Meanwhile, Namorita uses her ability to go invisible underwater to sneak behind enemy lines. She then secretes acid on Iron Man and Ajax, instantly destroying their robotic suits.  House Elves quickly realizing that they’ve been flanked turn to see what’s happening. This distracts them long enough for Gooberfish #1 to attack at the front, but just as it is about to eat Qui-Gon Jinn, Seaworm #1 eats the Gooberfish easily. Sorry bud, there’s always a bigger fish. Namorita sneaks away to murky shadows.

Black Bolt, even though he rarely speaks, lets out the loudest screech he’s ever spoke which instantly tears apart the Female Furies but at the same time deafening everyone for a short period. Chuck Norris quickly recovers due to his powers of...being Chuck Norris, and maneuvers his way through the water with the help of his penguin suit towards Black Bolt. Before he can yell out again, Chuck Norris snaps Black Bolt’s neck. The rest of the inhumans are outraged, seeing their leader fall, and attack Chuck Norris but not before the surviving Tiger Sharks come to his aid. Crystal, in the background, able to control water and air removes all oxygen from Chuck Norris’ surroundings making him suffocate. The Tiger Sharks with the help of Steppenwolf make quick work of the Inhumans brutally killing all of them.

Bizarro Superman, watching his teammates getting slaughtered, heat visions Steppenwolf and one punches him into space unintentionally right through the Halo Ring causing catastrophic damage and the end of Steppenwolf. Then another Atomic Ray goes off right through the Halo Ring which puts an end to the useless ship in space for a battle happening underwater. Bizarro Superman then goes back to finish off the Tiger Sharks, but realizes they mean nothing to him and that he needs to take care of Beerus who has been carefully watching the whole battle. They stare each other down from afar, neither making the first move, so they just stand there for a long time as destruction happens around them.

Granny Goodness has been making good use of her time since her warriors are dead, she is able to convince the remaining Terrorcons, Tiger Sharks, and Carnage to fight for her through her use of persuasion. Seeing her master’s son on the opposing team, Orion, she knows his every weakness. Sending her new minions after him, they attempt to take him down but the Tiger Sharks except for Mako and his Yellow Lantern Ring are overwhelmed and easily destroyed by his brute force strength. Mangy Mouse, a super mouse?, soon comes to help Orion. They’re combined powers is too much for the 3 Terrorcons and get ripped to spare parts. Granny Goodness enraged at the failure of her new minions decides to take care of Orion herself, as Namorita comes back out of the shadows and steps on Mangy Mouse crushing the powerful little creature. Namorita soon paralyzes Orion with her toxin allowing Granny Goodness to go crazy on the unmoving god. distracted by beating the pulp out of Orion, she doesn’t realize Qui-Gon Jinn Come behind her and with one swipe, slices her in two.

Now Carnage, who didn’t attack on Goodness’ earlier command, attaches to Qui-Gon Jinn taking him as a host body and taking complete control over his actions. Carnage now with a lightsaber, sees the large Seaworm coming right at him and makes a skillful step to the side, barely missing getting eaten. As the Seaworm passes, Carnage drags his new saber through the whole side of the body of the beast. While this is occuring, Kratos, God of War, notices Lion-o and attacks violently towards him with haste. Before kratos reaches Lion-o, they both stop and realize Beerus and Bizarro Superman are making steps towards each other. They watch together in awe of what may happen. Beerus, God of Destruction, slowly walks up to his foe eye to eye, only a couple feet from each other. Beerus makes a swift punch that Bizarro Superman makes no move to stop, thinking it cannot harm his invulnerable kryptonian body, what a mistake. Beerus decided to go with his max strength on this punch which was so powerful it instantly vaporized the entire planet and surrounding solar system, killing all located in it.

Looking at the few remain of his destruction, Beerus notices another alive. It seems Mako used his Yellow Lantern Ring to create a bubble around him, and it held due to him having such an immense fear of Beerus’ power. Beerus then noticed a partial piece of an S from Bizarro Superman’s suit, of course somehow a piece of the suit survives.

Week 3 Consortium: TEAM Vs. The Empire

TEAM is Loki, Beta Ray Bill, The Collector, Ms. Marvel, Emerald Weapon, Mario, Luigie, Sharkticon #1-10, Tripticon, Scorpononk, Jack Lalane, Cy-Kill, Crasher, Cop-Tor, & George Lucas.

The Empire is Galactus, Nova, Full Spectrum Kyle Raynor, Hulk, Sky Lynx, Krang, Shredder, Mole Man, Goliath, Knuckles, Deathstroke, Sardakaur #1-2, and Water.

Week 3 Democracy Match: The Genderless Shorties Vs. Ahsoka's Acrobatic Assassins

The Shorties are Abe Sapien, Seaspray, White Lantern Batman, Gamera, Larfleeze, Meggan, Mimic, Toad, Blue Toad, Yellow Toad, Joan Jett (in a Frog Suit), Don Rickles (in a Penguin Suit), Indigo One & Monk, Queen Agapo, Nien Numb, Sinestro (w/ Yellow and Green Lantern Rings), Ch' P & Dr. Ub' X (w/ a Blue Lantern Ring), Richie Rich w/ Dollar Bill, and Ewok #2-3.

Ahsoka's Acrobatic Assassins are Martian Manhunter, Miss Martian, Poseidon, Jaws (the Shark), Beast Boy, Vision, White Lantern Zachary Houslander, and Salack.


VOTE AWAY!!

Season X Week 2 - Ahsoka’s Acrobatic Assassin's vs Charles Barkley’s Turrible Decisions

Ahsoka’s Acrobatic Assassin's are: Dr Manhattan, 12 Guardian Knights together as Dragonstorm, Ethan Hunt w/ Indigo Lantern Ring, Havok, Zombies #1-15


Charles Barkley’s Turrible Decisions are: Boba Fett (Gunner), Mace Windu (Pilot), Ki Adi Mundi (Co-Pilot), Jedi Padawans #1-2 (passengers) in the Slave-1.
Nick Fury w/ Red Lantern Ring and SHIELD Agents #1-3 in a Military Humvee
Shield Agents #4-5, The Spectre, Al Capone w/ Power Ring, Griffins #1-3.


“Good Morning, Agent Hunt. Your mission, should you choose to accept it, to protect the White House from a military invasion. Our deep intelligence operatives inform us to expect an attack from both land and sky. We have assembled a task force to help you with this operation and they are currently en route to the rondevoux. Inclosed in the package containing this transmission you will find one Indigo Lantern ring. Expect the unexpected, Agent Hunt. This message will self destruct in ten seconds.”

BUM BUM BUMBUM BUM BUM BUMBUM BUM BUM BUMBUM BUM BUM BUMBUM DOODOODOOOOOOOOO…. DOODOODOOOOOOO….. DOODOODOOOOOOOO….. DOODOO BUM BUM BUMBUM BUM BUM BUMBUM.

Ethan Hunt then recklessly drives a motorcycle to the nearest airport and hitches a ride to DC by hanging on the wing of a plane. When the plane nears his destination he skydives in, landing on the roof of the White House where his team has assembled waiting and watching for where the first attack will come from.

AT THE FRONT GATE
“Good Morning, Sir!” a cheerful Nick Fury says to the security guard while flashing his SHIELD badge. “Nick Fury, Shield, Here to see the President.”

“Sure thing, Mr. Fury, I have your passes right here.” says the security guard. He then proceeds to toss a block of C4 into the open window of the HumVee. A surprised Nick Fury looks at the security guard holding the detonator. The security guard then pulls off his face mask revealing that he WAS ETHAN HUNT THE WHOLE TIME!! OH MAN! PLOT TWIST!! Nick reaches for the handle and starts to open the door just as Ethan flips the switch on the detonator. The car explodes in a beautiful, majestic fireball. Hunt, on a dead sprint joins the fight starting on the front lawn as the agents inside the vehicle are consumed by the blaze.

IN THE SKY
Dragonstorm circles the sky above and sets its sights on the incoming Slave 1 and Griffins #1-3. Boba Fett wastes no time firing half a dozen missiles followed by a volley of shots from its ion cannons toward the Guardian Knights. Dragonstorm evades narrowly and takes out the three Griffins while trying to gain the advantage on Slave 1. Mace Windu’s pilot skills outmaneuver the three headed robot beast and a second wave of missiles tears into Dragonstorm’s chest. This enrages the beast and his last breath is a torrent of fire that engulfs the ship, disabling its engines, sending it spiraling to the ground. Boba Fett, using his jetpack and his indifference for saving his Jedi scum teammates, is the only survivor from the duel as he flies away to the battle on the ground.

FRONT LAWN
Al Capone, wielding a power ring and a Tommy Gun, mows down the wave of Zombies headed their way but not before they are able to kill Shield Agents 4 and 5. Havok returns the favor with an energy blast to the chest of Scarface. Boba Fett flies in to assist and shoots his guns at Havok distracting him long enough…

A FEW MINUTES AGO, BACK AT THE FRONT GATE.
Dazed and slightly confused, Nick Fury looks at the fiery wreckage of his humvee through the protective red bubble of energy he constructed with his red lantern ring. His head still ringing, he forces himself to his feet and limps toward the fight on the front lawn.

IN ANOTHER PLANE OF EXISTENCE
The Spectre and Dr. Manhattan use their god like abilities that I cannot even begin to describe or do justice. Folding space and time, casting each other to other dimensions and killing each other and becoming reborn an infinite number of times in the blink of an eye. The battle of wills is beyond my comprehension so in a last ditch effort for your forgiveness in this poorly written match, I use my powers as a watcher to retreat both of these superhuman heroes back to your respective locker rooms, unharmed to fight again another day.

AT THE FRONT LAWN AGAIN
Havok shoots blasts of energy at a circling Boba Fett when suddenly nothing happens. Nick Fury is behind him, doing his best to restrain him for the short time he can with his ring. This gives Boba Fett a clear shot to take the head off Havok with a well placed rocket shot.

“Thanks for the help, Mace. I thought you died in the crash. Where did you get that eye patch?” grumbled Boba Fett to Nick Fury. Then, a confused Boba fett looks and sees a second Nick Fury approaching. The two get into a classic roll on the ground fight. Boba Fett sets his sights but doesn’t know which one to shoot. One is his teammate. But then he remembers he doesn’t care about teammates and shoots them both dead. As he approaches the two fallen Fury’s he sees that one was wearing a mask. That Fury was also significantly shorter than the other and had a pamphlet praising of the wonders of scientology.

Week 3

475 Points in the Naboo Planet Core (water)
Prizes: Green Lantern Ring, a Racoon leaf, and an Ornithopter

Match-upset:
-TEAM Vs. The Empire (consortium)
-Two Dino-Mites with Bubble Fighting Fun down Tight Vs. John and Vader's House of Sith Aids (Fizz)
-The Striders of Rohan Vs. Charles Barkley's Turrible Decisions (Josh)
-Ahsoka's Acrobatic Assassins Vs. The Gender Neutral Shorties (Democracy)
-Be Gentle It's My First Time Vs. George Washington's House Elves (Zack)
-Better Than All of You Vs. The Super Orange Kitty Sisters (Josh)

Better Than All of You Vs. George Washington's House Elves

Marty Mcfly and Doc Brown in the Delorean Time Machine, Tigger, Eeore, Rabbit, Piglet, Hulk Hogan, Macho Man Randy Savage, John Rambo, Rocky Balboa, Serpentor, Globulous, The Original X-Men: Cyclops, Jean Grey, Iceman, Archangel, and Beast, Sailor Moon, and Predator #1-12.

George Washington's House Elves are Thor, Iron Man, Agent Smith, Soundwave w/ Rumble, Frenzy, Ravage, Laserbeak, Buzzsaw, Ratbat, Wingthing, Squawktalk, Beastbox, Glit, Enemy, Howlback, Garboil, Overkill, Slugfest, & Autoscout #1 & 2, George Washington, Thomas Jefferson, Benjamin Franklin, and Winston Churchill.


I Joshatu the Great and Powerful, contrary to popular belief am not fully omnipotent. Some beings of my ilk make such a claim, but how can one truly be omnipotent when everything happens simultaneously; but it isn't always happening the same way. We greater beings frown upon you lesser beings who insist on attempting to manipulate the continuum with time travel; but there are some who even I must admit are exceptionally good at it even with the most archaic of resources at their disposal. Doc Brown of earth as he is known is one such being.

This match begins and ends at many separate points, so I make no claim of showing the actual beginning or actual end. I simply will walk you through several series of events in an attempt to show what basic minds would refer to as a, What is the word I am looking for.....??.... Oh, yes: a story.

Let us begin:........

A wingless Archangel and battered Cyclops lay on the ground with the smell of death in the air while Jean Grey's last bit of Phoenix Force is extinguished by a killing blow from the Hammer of the Mighty Thor, but meanwhile within the confines of a Delorean DMC 12 driving on DuPont Circle: “DOC, IT HAPPENED AGAIN!! The X-Men are dead, we need to go back, WE NEED TO GO BACK” Yells Marty Mcfly from the passenger seat of the Delorean with a petrified Piglet sitting on his lap whilst time Doc Brown activates the Flux Capasitor, shifts into fourth gear, travels to 88 MPH and disappears.

Doc and Marty head back to 1955 and grab a Pepsi (but they have to pay for it). They then head back to the perceived beginning of the battle, which is already raging. Rocky Balboa just knocked Churchill out cold, while Rambo machine gunned Howlback to pieces before he was stomped on from above by Slugfest. Washington put a saber through Tigger, while Jefferson and Franklin fumbled around with Eeore and Rabbit. Agent Smith pounded Beast into submission while taking out a few Predators. Iron Man took out the rest of the Alien Hunters with his advanced weaponry. Beastbox and Squawktalk have merged to form Squawkbox and with the aid of Wingthing is ripping Globulous to pieces. Serpentor was just blasted apart by Enemy. Iceman froze and destroyed both the Autoscouts and Sailor Moon was surrounded by Laserbeak and Buzzsaw from the air and then taken down. And once again how it always seems to happen Thor became locked in a vicious battle with Jean Grey and Cyclops.

“It's too similar Doc!! We didn't go back far enough”. Yells Marty.

“We should try something new.” Says Piglet.

“GREAT SCOTT Marty, I don't know what to do. Maybe we'll have better luck in the 80s”.

“But Doc, the match is here and now. The match is whenever we say it is Marty. WE HAVE A TIME MACHINE”!!

Doc guns it once again and they reappear in 1985. Doc, Marty, and Piglet think they are safe as they get out of the Delorean and begin walking the grounds around The White House. I mean, what is there to not feel safe about. This is a great time. Ronald Reagan is President after just winning in a landslide, 9-11 hasn't happened, so when people say conspiracy they think you must still be talking about JFK, morons aren't bumping into you because they are too busy looking at their phones, the only President to be impeached was Andrew Johnson, The Clintons are still in Arkansas, Donald Trump doesn't have a TV show and is still friends with Oprah, MTV is still showing music videos, everybody still thinks the war on drugs is a good idea, and Alexandria Occassia Cortez isn't even born yet. Doc Brown and Marty are starting to get used to it, but Piglet is shocked to find himself in a new time. The little Pig reaches into his coat pocket and pulls out a Winston Light to calm the nerves and asks a passer-by: “Am I allowed to smoke this here”?? The guy struts by in his denim jacket and gives him a strange look as says “Of course you can... It's a free country ain't it”. Piglet sparks it and takes a smooth drag off his smoke which reminds him that he needs to grab a carton while he is here because they won't have that stupid paper that makes the cigarettes taste like dumpster food and go out if you don't puff on them for three seconds. But just then, as the time-roaming Betters crew thinks they are out of harm's way they see that not even time can keep them away from The Fantasy Fantasy League.

“WHAT ARE YOU DOIN IN 1985 BROTHER”?!!? Yells Hulk Hogan to his teammate Doc.

“Ooooooooooh Yeeeeahh, It's The Macho Man Randy Savage here with the Hulkster lookin for some pain to inflict on some House Elves”. Says Hogan's Mega Powers partner dramatically.

Hogan grabs the mic back: “THAT'S RIGHT BOTHER. IT'S 1985, AND The WWF hasn't been ruined by Vince destroying our competition and by the World Wildlife Foundation becoming randomly butthurt after years of sharing the same name. So here's the question BROTHER. WHATCHA GONNA DO, WHEN HULKSTER RUNS WILD ON YOU”.

Marty Mcfly can barely contain his excitement. His voice cracks as he says: “I'm so excited to see you and the Macho Man back together. You guys need to get back the titles and break all the records”.....

His sentence trails off as they hear a “BOOM”!! Soundwave comes crashing through The White House's East Wing and steps over the massive fence as if it were a turnbuckle. He speaks in his monotone, electronic voice: Records, Records are out of date in this time. Cassettes are KING”. With those words, Soundwave ejects Rumble, Frenzy, and Ravage from his chest.

Rumble screeches: “If you want the tag title you're gonna need to take out the best duo in the business. And that's me and Frenzy. The four combatants then begin to brawl fiercely. Hogan gets knocked off to the side and by Frenzy and is laying on the ground nearly unconscious. Rumble and Frenzy then begin double-teaming Macho Man with measured hits to the head and mid-section.

“WHERE'S THE REF!??! THAT'S TWO ON ON”!! Marty screams from the Washington D.C. cheap seats where us rabble who don't want Socialism sit.

Macho Man is down for the count, and Rumble climbs up on a fence to deliver a flying elbow to Savage, just to taunt him with his own move. BUT HERE COMES HOGAN!!!!! Hogan knocks Rumble off of the fence and begins pumping his arms and shaking his head wildly as bystanders go crazy. Frenzy comes to lend a hand to his partner; but gets a big boot to the face, putting him down on the mat, errrr I mean ground. Rumble gets back up and delivers a fierce punch to the face of Hogan, but Hogan stays on his feet and simply turns his head looking Rumble right back in the optics. Rumble delivers another punch, then another punch. But Hogan is still standing. Rumble can't believe what he is seeing. The stunned Decepticon hits The Hulkster with another punch but this time Hogan waves his finger back and forth in the face of The Transformer and hits him back. Hogan hits him with a clothesline, turns it into a bodyslam, runs away, runs back, and HITS RUMBLE WITH THE LEG DROP!! While Hogan is helping Randy Savage to his feat, Soundwave hits play on his chest. The music starts pumping from his enormous speaker, as the patriotic people of 1980s Washington D.C. start to well up with tears of joy:

“I am a real American, fight for what's right for every man. I AM A REAL AMERICAN FIGHT FOR WHAT'S RIGHT. FIGHT FOR YOUR LIFE”.......

Then Soundwave stomps on both Hogan and Macho Man and Ravage bites Doc Brown in half.

“Holy S*(*^ Piglet!! We gotta go”!! Yells Marty as he and Piglet get back in the Delorean and kick it up to 88......

**Meanwhile in a totally different timeline**

George Washington sits at the Resolute Desk of the Oval Office, while Thomas Jefferson, Ben Franklin, and Winston Churchill stand around him consulting with their leader.

Jefferson speaks: “It has become apparent, that our opponents possess a time machine. I believe we must shift our attention away from winning this match. It is no longer the most important goal. If we can get a hold of that machine, we could go back in American History and keep our descendants from ruining this nation and going against The Constitution and system we gave them”.

Franklin, ever the trendy member of society has taken to the modern trends of the era very quickly, much like he did in France and other European nations where he visited and resided. Wearing skinny jeans and tight t-shirt he says: “Yo G-Dub, T-Jeff's words is legit AF”. This nation is hit Son, and we gots to fix it”.

“I would appreciate it if you addressed me as Mr. President Dr. Franklin”. Washington replies.

“Hey, my bizzle Mr. Presidizzle. Safe. Safe. I aint't bein a hater, I'm a participator. I just wanna be straight with the American people. I say we go back throughout history and tell em like it be. We just need to be like: Yo Dogg, heard ya like laws; so we wrote some laws against your laws so you can be legal while you legal. Know what I'm sayin”??

“This is ridiculous”!! says Churchill. He finishes: “We have a battle to win. I don't care about your personal desires. We need to win this thing like we were commissioned to do”.

“Sorry guys, I agree with the Brit”. Says Washington as a loud crash is hard outside as The Delorean reappears with a streak of fire once again.......

**Somewhere and some time else**

Marty and Piglet leap out of the Delorean and run through the carnage towards the X-Men leader and Betters Field Captain: Cyclops, who is in the middle of roasting Garboil with his optic lasers. “Scott, we need some of you X-Men to come back with us to 1985!! Some of the House Elves are there and they killed Doc Brown!! We have to stop it from happening”!!

“Are you kidding me Kid”?? Cyclops asks. In case you haven't noticed, there is one hell of a battle going on right now”. Cyclops is then hit by a series of missiles from Iron Man blasting him to pieces.

“Holy Crap”!! Marty screams. “Let's get back to the Delorean Piglet”!!

Piglet makes it very clear as they engage the Flux Capisitor and begin to travel through time that he doesn't care where they go as long as they have cigarettes. “Cuz this pig is out and I am fiending”!! Says Piglet.

**The Timeline to end this Timeline**

As Marty, Doc Brown, and Piglet speed away on Dupont Circle, Marty looks in the rear view mirror and sees a familiar scene. Iron Man lay dead on the ground, while Thor delivers a punch to the face of Cyclops that sends him to the ground hemorrhaging. Thor then rips the wings from Archangel's back and turns to face Jean Grey who taps into her deepest inner power and unleashes the yet undeveloped Phoenix Force to level nearly everything in the district as Thor delivers his mighty hammer into her face...

Piglet screams “LOOK OUT”!! As the scene changes slightly, with Overkill jumping into the road and sinking his metal teeth into tire of the Delorean. Doc Brown watches in seeming slow motion as the speedometer goes from 75 to 78.... 82.... 85..... 87...... And the car spins off the road, flipping uncontrollably.......

**Back in the Oval Office**

The surviving Frenzy helps the now one-legged Overkill into the office of General Washington and says: “I'm sorry General, we lost every troop we had. We had a great team and a great plan; but their time traveling made our casualties catastrophic. Should we attempt to rework their time machine and save our soldiers”??

General Washington gives out a heavy sigh and says: “Let's honor our troops and their sacrifice. Bust out the Ale and Hemp Flower my good man. A win is a win”.....