Real Man's Rabble Rousers are Black Lantern Sunstorm, Slugslinger and Caliburst, Flywheels, Trigger Happy, Bluestreak, Non, Tiffany: The Bride of Chucky (w/ star sapphire ring), Pac Man, Ms. Pac Man, Baby Pac Man, Kryptonian Army Soldier #13-16, 19-20, The Anti-Monitor, Star Sapphire Wonder Woman, Red Lantern Mera, Turbo, Odd Job, Goldfnger, Darth Nihl, CIA Agent: Bryan Mills, and Vampire Count Dooku.
The Commandos are Iorek Byrninson, Lyra Belacqua w/ Pantalamion, Will Perry w/ Kirjava, Olivia Moore, Clairy Fray, Dora, Boots, Backpack, The Map, Katy Perry, Hannah Montana, The Mikaelson Family, Martian Manhunter, Faora, Ewok Child #9, Human Bomb, Dark Phoneix, Zombie Nichol Valdez, Thanos, Sin Eater, Foolkiller, Equinox, Grimlock Prime Rex (w/ the Autobot Matrix of Leadership), The 2002 Detroit Red Wings, Doozer #9, Boil-Over Becks, and The Space Jockey, all in a Cybertronian Spaceship.
Sup y'all!!!!!! How we doin?!!? This is your homeboy The Neon Master Pogo comin atcha for some Week 1 Action!! This ripped out piece of notebook paper that Joshatu the Stuffy gave me says Week 4; but that crap must be a typo. Cuz I know they didn't start the season without the Pogester taking the reins. Although it did seem like the other watchers lost my phone number or something for a while there, and my paychecks do keep bouncing... But either way let's get to some Week whatever it is SPACE ACTION!!
It always seems like so much fun to be on The Commandos. Especially at the beginning of the match. They have a nice big ship to party in. Everybody is laughing and carrying on. They are drinking egg nog even though it isn't Christmas and it looks like some people are playing yahtzee in the corner. Not the Red Wings though, ya see they have their own private rink right here on the spaceship. They run free clinics for those that want to learn, and play pick up games against all comers (all in fun of course). Sure, there are a few sticks in the mud like Thanos and Sin Eater; but for the most part it is just a bunch of fun-loving liberal minded, good-looking people, hanging out, discussing climate change, Marx, and micro-aggressions when some aggressive jerk squad always has to roll up with an actual aggression (phewy).
Luckily, Dora “No Rest for the Wicked” The Explorer and Boots are up in the cockpit doing their due diligence when they spot incoming. “BOOTS!! Go warn the others, we are on full alert. The Rabble Rousers are here”.
Boots quickly moves from one side of the ship to the other, navigating through the many corridors until he is certain that the whole team prepare for battle. Beginning with Hannah Montana and ending on the other end of the ship with Foolkiller, whom they will not let get close to Hannah for obvious reasons. Boots then doubles back to the cockpit so he and Dora can mount a counter-offensive.
The Anti-Monitor, makes his presence known while he remains stationary near The Commandos Cybertrnian Spaceship; while Vampire Count Dooku, from inside Black Lantern Sunstorm does the first strafing run and, leads the Rabble Rousers in their onslaught.
Back inside the ship Clairy Fray is rallying the forces on the ground, while Dora shifts the shielding mechanisms on the ship. The Shadowhunter Clairy redraws her runes in preparation and knows that this will be her last stand. She mostly knows this, because she has nine deaths and has been largely ignored by all the watchers for the entirety of her over two season career. I mean, let's be real here. Who is going to research every obscure character that Nick insists on off-listing every year. WELL I AM DAMMIT!! YEAH. THAT'S RIGHT. I, The Neon Master Pogo vow to not only focus on Clairy Fray today and make her a cornerstone of this story; but to also heavily research and include every young adult book character, TV show character, retired athlete, barely famous kid of actors, or reality TV star that Nick plays. Because dammit he deserves to have these characters written. So while I watch Clairy Fray rile up the troops with her young and naive yet driven personality, I am going to grab this pen and paper and sign a contract to always include the characters that Nick and others request or draft off list, because gol-darn-it those are the characters they want to read about most. OH CRAP!! MY PAPER!! A hole was blown in the side of the ship by Slugslinger and Caliburst and my pen and paper were just sucked out of the airlock..... Along with the entire Mikaelson Family, Olivia Moore, Lyra Belacqua, Will Perry, and their daemons....... IT'S CRAZY how that happens.
Prolly they will use some amazing power to save themselv..... Oh, nope they just got eaten by Pac-Man and his wife and kid. Too bad.
Anyways........
With the hull of the ship breached and the oxygen wavering all hell is breaking loose. It's pretty much like that scene from Airplane where the topless chick with the big boobs jumps on the screen for no reason, accept in this scenario the topless crazy chick is Miley Cyrus.... And it's disgusting.
So, the alien: Black Lantern Sunstorm bursts through the chest of The Space Jockey, even though he was just sitting in a really big chair minding his own business.
Slugslinger and Caliburst were just crushed together by Grimlock who said something new and original like: “Me Grimlock crush you”. Flywheels and Trigger Happy tried to avenge them; but Grimlock just got all crushy on those two too.
As you may have guessed, Human Bomb blew up, and he took Bluestreak with him.
Non and Faora started fighting like Kryptonians always do; but it wasn't as fun as usual because neither of them have a S on their chest or look like Dean Cain. They have the same exact powers; but obviously Non was winning because he's a boy and Faora is a girl (it's science). But then the scales were tipped in Faora's favor when Martian Manhunter joined the fight. Non was then killed once the two of them over-powered him with power that was over his.
Clairy Fray pulled out her white magical lightsaber thing and did some really cool kicks and such. She looked really pretty and tough and stuff too. Very feminine, yet very strong at the same time. A truly great character, who I know a ton about. Don't think I just exhausted all my knowledge on her just now. I could write so much more, it's not even funny. So she totally cut the crap out of The Bride of Chucky and then still had time to call her vampire friend who isn't her boyfriend on her cell phone and text her boyfriend, who is her brother but not really her brother.
Pac Man, Ms. Pac Man, and Baby Pac Man decided to get in a contest to see who could shove the most hot dogs in their mouths with Katy Perry and Miley Cyrus. Naturally, Katy and Miley won by a significant margin so the Pac family went in suicided themselves out of shame.
Ewok Child #9 was riding on the back of Iorek Byrninson as they valiantly attacked the entire group of Kryptonian Army Soldiers and then promptly died.
Thanos led a contingent of Dark Phoenix, Sin Eater, Martian Manhunter, and Faora out of the ship to battle The Anti-Monitor. It looked like it was gonna be pretty scary; so I stayed inside.
Star Sapphire Wonder Woman killed Zombie Nichol with death.
Red Lantern Mera stepped on Doozer #9. Boil Over Becks then got a funny feeling in his pants as soon as he saw Mera in her crustacean bikini. It was unstoppable. She asked if he wanted her to take him to the doctor; but he died of dehydration before she could.
Mera and Wonder Woman then went to watch the Red Wings practice. They went nuts waiving banners and consuming popcorn and draft beer. The Red Wings then went out with the two of them afterwards, and bought them Miller Lites on special along with shots of Fireball then took them to a cheap Motel room and cheated on their wives with them. It was fun. Then Wonder Woman and Mera killed them all, because this still is a match; but at least they have the story.
Turbo, everybody's favorite Go-Bot ran over Equinox, to prove that Go-bots were equally as cool as Transformers........ Good luck with that Turbo.
Foolkiller shot Goldfinger and then Odd Job hit Foolkiller in the neck with his hat. Clairy Fray in all her awesomeness then leapt out and stabbed Odd Job before he could catch his hat. As the hat came back, she deflected it with her light blade thing and sent it in to the head of Darth Nihl, before Bryan Mills eventually used his particular skills to send a bullet into Clairy and send the epic Commando to the graveyard once and for all.
Grimlock is taking aim at Sunstorm; but can't seem to hit him when Dora and Boots leap out from the rafters and grab onto the bottom of Sunstorm. “maybe we can draw him into Grimlock's line of fire” Dora yells.
“WE CAN DO IT DORA” Replies Boots.
“Boots, can you reach inside backpack, I have a charge in there”?? Says Dora.
Boots then holds on to the bottom of the ship with his his tail, reaches into backpack, grabs the charge, gives it to Dora, and Dora throws it into the side wing panel of Sunstorm. It throws him off course just long enough for Dora and Boots to let go and yell: “Grimlock: NOW”. Grimlock takes aim and blast him out of the sky blowing up the decepticon and forcing Dooku to eject. Dooku flips out on to the ground and lands directly in front of Dora and Boots. “Well, child. You thought you could play with the big kids, ehh”. Says Dooku as he opens his crimson lightsaber and begins slowly walking towards Dora and Boots.
Dora opens up Backpack and grabs her and Boots lightsabers out, which are then immediately ignited. Dora looks terrified as her and her monkey best friend slowly back up into a nearby corridor, matching. Dooku step for step on his approach. “Child, do you honestly think you and your monkey can match my saber techniques”?? Asks Dooku.
Dora retorts: “No sir.... I never thought that for a second...... BOOTS DUCK” As she screams this they both duck as the corridors laser defense system kicks on and blasts Dooku to pieces. Boots laughs as Dora says: “I did think I could get you to walk right into flesh-being detention block though”.
As the Kryptonians and deputy lanterns rush back out of the ship to help the Anti-Monitor, the battle still rages on outside. The Commandos have managed to keep the Kryptonians at bay; and eventually take them out one by one; but it has become apparent that The Anti-Monitor is not going to go down without something drastic happening. Especially once Thanos was blown apart by The Anti-Monitor. Martian Manhunter had devised a plan that he knew would work but with heavy casualties. The last surviving Martian flew back to the Cybertronian ship, into the cockpit and took control. He gave the order to anybody who could get out to do so; but when Grimlock and his wife Katy attempted to eject, they were destroyed by Mera and Wonder Woman right before those two were finally blasted to pieces by Faora's heat vision. Miley Cyrus would have been with them; but she heard that Republicans were for anti-biotics; so she in turn became against anti-biotics. This made her promptly die of syphilis.
Manhunter pilots the ship directly over top of The Anti-Monitor who looks up at it defiantly and without fear, which brings the Anti-Monitor and Dark Phoenix within way too close of proximity to one another. A fight nobody can walk away from, even the ones powerful enough to be in it. As the few members of the Real Men remain stuck on the ship scramble; Dora and Boots calmly set charges to overload the reactor core on the ship.
Dora says: “Pick a comfy spot to die Boots, looks like we're going down with the ship”
“Actually, I was about to fly out here, I'm not big on fire”. Says Martian Manhunter to interrupt.
Manhunter takes them under his arms and they get as far away as they can from the void as it opens and closes with the huge display of wasted cosmic power.
Monday, April 4, 2016
Beckerman's Backyardigans:Beeyatches Vs. The Moist Mafia
Beckerman's Backyardigan's: Beeyatches are General Zod, Zombie Surtur, Black Lantern Terrax, Vampire Guy Gardner, Beta Ray Bill, Black Lantern Magog, Firestorm (Jason Rusch), White Lantern/Full Spectrum Kyle Rayner, Rao, Lord Helspont, Quasar, Black Lantern Mephisto, The New gods: Uggha, Lightray, Bekka, Shadowfall, and Hyalt, and Morpheus (w/ Hal Jordan's green lantern ring).
The Moist Mafia is Doomed, White Lantern Abin Sur, The Crayola Crew: Yellow and Orange Lantern Hal Jordan, Red and Star Sapphire Guy Gardner, Indigo John Stewart, and Blue Kyle Rayner (w/ Ion's green lantern ring), Saranak Natu, Eternity, Cybertronian Guardian #9 (Cuddles), Princess Leia (w/ a blue lightsaber) in her Stealth X-Wing, Colonel Bircher (w/ red lantern ring), The Seacons, Nezzar the Calculator, Manhunter #3 (Centra), and El Gaucho.
After the self-destruction and dispersion of The Horsemen of Apokolips last season, it could be argued that no team name in all of Fantasy Fantasy strikes fear into the hearts of its foes more than Beckerman's Backyardigan's: Beeyatches. A name that technically transcends two franchises, yet has had powerhouse teams with unparalleled success in both cases. And with a three and zero start to this season the members of the newly rebranded Moist Mafia are definitely feeling the pressure (it's like feeling the Bern without having to pretend to not be a communist). Although it is The Moist Mafia who is playing with the home field advantage if you will. Not because of a large vehicle or stationary area; but because the match takes place within Eternity: as does everything. Eternity is ever-present. Both made visible on an enormous scale for the purposes of this match, but also surrounding all things both physical and non-physical. All matter, anti-matter, dark matter, doesn't matter it is all part of Eternity.
With no vehicles played by either team, and no base of operations to speak of for either the action starts rather quickly.......
Nezzar the Calculator flies over to the only member of his squad that he could even remotely consider his equal, let alone a being of power greater than his own in Eternity and speaks in a tongue so ancient that even the oldest beings born to this universe could not possibly fathom (but don't worry, I'm an all powerful Watcher, and would be happy to translate for you). Nezzar informs Eternity that after his perfect series of calculations was completed it showed virtually no chance of their squad defeating The Backyardigans. Eternity, knowing that he as a being is not long for this plain of existence comes to the conclusion that he must take matters into his own hands. Nezzar seemed certain that most of the other squad could be taken out by him with nothing more than his base Celestial abilities; but that the New gods offered the largest threat. Eternity ascertains that Nezzar is correct and takes his calculations a step further even. The being who has existed on this level since the beginning of time itself takes just slightly over an earth second to undue this very same fabric. As Eternity welcomes the attacks of the New gods and allows himself to be destroyed here in this existence to pave the way for the next one, he makes sure that Bekka, Uggha, Lightray, Shadowfall, and Hyalt all make the journey with him. Several others among The B-3 squad attempt to fight back in defense of their newly drafted teammates; but it is to no avail. Rao, Lord Helspont, and even the fiery, demonic, undead Zombie Surtur all fall to Eternity and the mighty power of the universe.
Nezzar the Calculator, feeling quite the surge of hubris after having his plan's scholarship put into action flies into the forefront to take the remainder of the Backyardigans head on. But behold....... For not even a Celestial can calculate the true arrogance of an ancient god amongst the most powerful of the insects....
Black Lantern Mephisto and General Zod form up their troops as the Backyardigans prepare for an all out offensive surge on The Moist Mafia, while conversation stirs among the cosmic empowered humans on the Mafia squad.
“What the hell is going on Hal”?? Asks Guy Gardner with his dorky artist buddy Kyle and his super solid and extra cool black friend John listening in.
“The ring is telling me that, Eternity made a final play to take out some of their heavy hitters and that Nezzar seems to think he has got this in the bag”. Hal responds.
“This is folly” throws in Abin Sur.
“That wall of cosmic baddies rushing in, sure doesn't look like something not to worry about”. Soranak Natu says to finish the conversation.
Nezzar holds out front at the ready, when The Backyardigans stop short of the floating battleground. The squad meticulously takes their positions and then Zod screams “NOW”!!
While I, the almighty Watcher: Joshatu the Remarkable ignore the fact that one cannot scream in space, I stand awestruck at the sheer show of force by the B-3 squad. They unleash hell on the mighty Celestial from all angles; but it is not the plethora of cosmic blasts that does him in. As every atom of the super-reinforced cosmic metal body of Nezzar fights to combat energy from every angle Zod flies in like a rocket a blasts his body straight through the neck of Nezzar severing it from the rest of his enormous body. The Backyardigans attack the open wounds of both parts in order to drain every bit of life from the Celestial and once they do they waste no time regrouping for the remainder of the fight. “Finish the rest, clean up the scraps” is the only order Zod gives to his squad as all hell breaks loose in the system.
NOW FOR THE REAL BATTLE......
Zod seems to be on a roll when it comes to wrecking big, metal, cosmic dudes as he makes short work of the enormous (though not quite Celestial-sized) Cybertronian Guardian, whom The Moist Mafia's previous owner lovingly named Cuddles. The Omega Supreme clone has his arm blow off by a healthy does of heat visions, before Zod goes in for the kill with his fists. Pounding the Transformer's circuits until his spark extinguishes.
Black Lantern Terrax floats at the ready with his black-lanternized-axe gripped tightly, when Doomed, in a super-angsty, emo-fueled, yet still powerful teenage rage leaps off an asteroid in his direction. The axe of the former Galactus herald does little more than enrage Doomed further, who then rips Terrax in half.
Princess Leia, from inside her stealth X-Wing flies in to the fray in an attempt to scout an attack pattern on Black Lantern Mephisto, who is growing in size, and seemingly power by the minute as he absorbs the cosmic energy and death all around him. She swoops in with relative grace (but let's face it, she is no Luke or Wedge Antilles). Her focus is on Mephisto as she flies in an X-pattern stealthily in her stealth X-Wing; but the true stealth comes from Vampire Guy Gardner who flies in from behind lands on the back of the ship, rips off the top hatch and then pulls Leia out. As Leia struggles to breathe in the cold of space the undead Gardner bites in to her neck and sucks out every drop of blood.
Beta Ray Bill's face may look goofy, but his actions make him look indistinguishable from the super-handsome regular Thor when easily uses his hammer to bust through the center of Centra the Manhunter.
While the Crayola crew and the rest of the Moist Mafia lanterns form up and stick together, Colonel Bircher, the wielder of a red ring leads the six Seacons in against Black-lantern Mephisto, who is surrounded Black-lantern Magog and Quasar. Col. Bircher gives the order for The Seacons to merge to form Piranhacon and they do with Nautilator taking the form of the gestalts projectile weapon. Black Lantern Magog is taken off guard as he is hit with a powerful blast from the Decepticon, who then follows up the laser blast with an enormous metal foot to the face of the black-lanternized Kingdom Come villain. Colonel Bircher tries to match the performance of her partner Piranhacon by letting her rage take control of her actions. She spews a large clump of red energy vomit at Quasar; but the wielder of the Quantum bands easily dodges the red energy, then doubles back and hits Bircher with enough of a cosmic blast to blow her apart. As the still merged Seacons fly in towards Mephisto, their attack is ceased before it begins as Mephisto blasts Piranhacon with a hellish fiery blast that destroys the gestalt's combined spark as well as their six individual ones.
Morpheus, aided by Hal Jordan's old green lantern ring flies over to El Gaucho who is little more than stationary floating in his space suit. El Gaucho attempts to mount a defensive with some sort of non-bat, yet bat-derived weapon; but Morpheus does some green aured kung fu stuff and jacks the Batman Inc. dude up pretty good. Unfortunately for Morpheus, after using the green lantern ring of Hal's, the man, though a member of the other team and the ring become aware of each other and the ring abandons Morpheus for this yellow and orange ring wielding version of him. Morpheus begins to squirm as he is left to the rigors of space unprotected when he is mercifully killed off by a rude comment from Gardner, and a energy blast from Stewart. Firestorm and Full Spectrum Kyle Rayner fly in to the mix right at each others side. I mean RIGHT next to each other. I think they are actually holding hands. I mean, I'm not saying anything about their sexuality or preference. I am just making an observation (I'm a Watcher, not a judger). Abin Sur and Soranak Natu, work rather well together for two would be enemies. They surround and flank Firestorm and use their yellow and white rings to bring new life to his fear (whatever the hell that means).... Either way Firestorm died. The Full Spectrum Kyle Rayner begins to muster what power he can and send it off into the proper directions; but he finds quickly that despite having decent control of the full spectrum ring, he still cannot control the entire spectrum as good as four well trained lanterns working together in unison. The Crayola Crew put their powers together and destroy this Rayner incarnation.
Zod gathers his forces for the final push and rallies around Black Lantern Mephisto along with Vampire Gardner, Quasar, and Beta Ray Bill. Only Doomed and the lanterns Sur, Jordan, Gardner, Stewart, Rayner, and Natu remain for the Moist Mafia. Though at the moment, Hal Jordan seems to be missing from the battle sequence and Doomed is currently throwing a fit and busting apart asteroids while making it very clear that he has no intention of being a team player. As the Backyardigans form up, Gardner flies up to Stewart and says: “I have a plan to take out Mephisto that Hal, Abin, and Kyle are not gonna like; but I know Saranak is down”. Gardner explains the plan as Mephisto continues to grow with evil energy. Guy Gardner turns and begins to blast their own teammate Doomed with enough red energy to enrage even a room full of dope smoking monks, while Sorank Natu uses his yellow ring to slam the lifeless metal body of Piranhacon into Doomed. John Stewart then uses his Indigo ring to take control of the lantern fueld clump and shoots it like a projectile through the demonic blackened heart of Mephisto. Just then, Hal Jordan comes flying in; but not by his own volition, instead he is inside of Leia's Stealth X-Wing. His stolen green ring providing it with a protective aura, his yellow ring increasing the weaponry, and his orange ring giving it even more speed.
“I thought this thing would come in handy. Now it's a long shot guys, but let's see what we can do” Hal yells as a rallying cry to the other lanterns.
Hal Jordan in his X-Wing and Zod zip around the stars in an impressive dog fight, while Gardner and Vampire Gardner ignore the fact that they have powers and begin fist brawling as if they just rolled out of the bar. White Lantern Abin Sur is able to absorb the Quantum blasts from Quasar, reprocess them, and send them back through the spectrum in order to overload the quantum bands and kill Quasar, while John, Kyle, and Saranak Natu team up to take on Beta Ray Bill. Bill fights through the cosmic blasts and sends his hammer right through the face of Kyle Rayner with a throw. He then takes what is left of Rayner's body and uses it as a weapon to Babe Ruth Saranak Natu into the next Solar System; but while Beta Ray Bill spins back from his attack still awaiting the return of his hammer, John Stewart strikes. He envelops an aura around the hammer and which when combined with the power of Thor blows Beta Ray to bits as he goes to grab it out of the anti-matter. Stewart's victory is short-lived as Zod rushes in with vengeance and double claps Stewart's head to crush his skull despite his protective aura. Regular Guy Gardner gets tired of the fight after almost getting bit by his vampire self and creates a red lantern blade construct and uses it to slice off the dome of Vamp Gardner. White Lantern Abin Sur is the next victim of Zod's as he burns through the white energy and the man himself with a potent blast of heat vision that could even melt the steel in the twin towers (which everybody knows is impossible, just ask Michael Moore). Gardner, the only other survivor flies to the wing of Jordan's X-Wing thinking that there is no possible way to beat this Kryptonian when it comes to their attention that none of the rings from the match have flown away to seek other bearers. They are all simply hovering around Hal and Guy. With that thought in mind, Guy Gardner begins blasting Zod with everything he can muster from his two rings while Hal Jordan siphons what energy he can from the surrounding rings and sets a collision course for Zod in his ship. With the X-Wing pumped full of Lantern power, Hal ejects mere seconds before it collides with Zod creating an explosion that flings the only two living characters off into the distance.
The Moist Mafia is Doomed, White Lantern Abin Sur, The Crayola Crew: Yellow and Orange Lantern Hal Jordan, Red and Star Sapphire Guy Gardner, Indigo John Stewart, and Blue Kyle Rayner (w/ Ion's green lantern ring), Saranak Natu, Eternity, Cybertronian Guardian #9 (Cuddles), Princess Leia (w/ a blue lightsaber) in her Stealth X-Wing, Colonel Bircher (w/ red lantern ring), The Seacons, Nezzar the Calculator, Manhunter #3 (Centra), and El Gaucho.
After the self-destruction and dispersion of The Horsemen of Apokolips last season, it could be argued that no team name in all of Fantasy Fantasy strikes fear into the hearts of its foes more than Beckerman's Backyardigan's: Beeyatches. A name that technically transcends two franchises, yet has had powerhouse teams with unparalleled success in both cases. And with a three and zero start to this season the members of the newly rebranded Moist Mafia are definitely feeling the pressure (it's like feeling the Bern without having to pretend to not be a communist). Although it is The Moist Mafia who is playing with the home field advantage if you will. Not because of a large vehicle or stationary area; but because the match takes place within Eternity: as does everything. Eternity is ever-present. Both made visible on an enormous scale for the purposes of this match, but also surrounding all things both physical and non-physical. All matter, anti-matter, dark matter, doesn't matter it is all part of Eternity.
With no vehicles played by either team, and no base of operations to speak of for either the action starts rather quickly.......
Nezzar the Calculator flies over to the only member of his squad that he could even remotely consider his equal, let alone a being of power greater than his own in Eternity and speaks in a tongue so ancient that even the oldest beings born to this universe could not possibly fathom (but don't worry, I'm an all powerful Watcher, and would be happy to translate for you). Nezzar informs Eternity that after his perfect series of calculations was completed it showed virtually no chance of their squad defeating The Backyardigans. Eternity, knowing that he as a being is not long for this plain of existence comes to the conclusion that he must take matters into his own hands. Nezzar seemed certain that most of the other squad could be taken out by him with nothing more than his base Celestial abilities; but that the New gods offered the largest threat. Eternity ascertains that Nezzar is correct and takes his calculations a step further even. The being who has existed on this level since the beginning of time itself takes just slightly over an earth second to undue this very same fabric. As Eternity welcomes the attacks of the New gods and allows himself to be destroyed here in this existence to pave the way for the next one, he makes sure that Bekka, Uggha, Lightray, Shadowfall, and Hyalt all make the journey with him. Several others among The B-3 squad attempt to fight back in defense of their newly drafted teammates; but it is to no avail. Rao, Lord Helspont, and even the fiery, demonic, undead Zombie Surtur all fall to Eternity and the mighty power of the universe.
Nezzar the Calculator, feeling quite the surge of hubris after having his plan's scholarship put into action flies into the forefront to take the remainder of the Backyardigans head on. But behold....... For not even a Celestial can calculate the true arrogance of an ancient god amongst the most powerful of the insects....
Black Lantern Mephisto and General Zod form up their troops as the Backyardigans prepare for an all out offensive surge on The Moist Mafia, while conversation stirs among the cosmic empowered humans on the Mafia squad.
“What the hell is going on Hal”?? Asks Guy Gardner with his dorky artist buddy Kyle and his super solid and extra cool black friend John listening in.
“The ring is telling me that, Eternity made a final play to take out some of their heavy hitters and that Nezzar seems to think he has got this in the bag”. Hal responds.
“This is folly” throws in Abin Sur.
“That wall of cosmic baddies rushing in, sure doesn't look like something not to worry about”. Soranak Natu says to finish the conversation.
Nezzar holds out front at the ready, when The Backyardigans stop short of the floating battleground. The squad meticulously takes their positions and then Zod screams “NOW”!!
While I, the almighty Watcher: Joshatu the Remarkable ignore the fact that one cannot scream in space, I stand awestruck at the sheer show of force by the B-3 squad. They unleash hell on the mighty Celestial from all angles; but it is not the plethora of cosmic blasts that does him in. As every atom of the super-reinforced cosmic metal body of Nezzar fights to combat energy from every angle Zod flies in like a rocket a blasts his body straight through the neck of Nezzar severing it from the rest of his enormous body. The Backyardigans attack the open wounds of both parts in order to drain every bit of life from the Celestial and once they do they waste no time regrouping for the remainder of the fight. “Finish the rest, clean up the scraps” is the only order Zod gives to his squad as all hell breaks loose in the system.
NOW FOR THE REAL BATTLE......
Zod seems to be on a roll when it comes to wrecking big, metal, cosmic dudes as he makes short work of the enormous (though not quite Celestial-sized) Cybertronian Guardian, whom The Moist Mafia's previous owner lovingly named Cuddles. The Omega Supreme clone has his arm blow off by a healthy does of heat visions, before Zod goes in for the kill with his fists. Pounding the Transformer's circuits until his spark extinguishes.
Black Lantern Terrax floats at the ready with his black-lanternized-axe gripped tightly, when Doomed, in a super-angsty, emo-fueled, yet still powerful teenage rage leaps off an asteroid in his direction. The axe of the former Galactus herald does little more than enrage Doomed further, who then rips Terrax in half.
Princess Leia, from inside her stealth X-Wing flies in to the fray in an attempt to scout an attack pattern on Black Lantern Mephisto, who is growing in size, and seemingly power by the minute as he absorbs the cosmic energy and death all around him. She swoops in with relative grace (but let's face it, she is no Luke or Wedge Antilles). Her focus is on Mephisto as she flies in an X-pattern stealthily in her stealth X-Wing; but the true stealth comes from Vampire Guy Gardner who flies in from behind lands on the back of the ship, rips off the top hatch and then pulls Leia out. As Leia struggles to breathe in the cold of space the undead Gardner bites in to her neck and sucks out every drop of blood.
Beta Ray Bill's face may look goofy, but his actions make him look indistinguishable from the super-handsome regular Thor when easily uses his hammer to bust through the center of Centra the Manhunter.
While the Crayola crew and the rest of the Moist Mafia lanterns form up and stick together, Colonel Bircher, the wielder of a red ring leads the six Seacons in against Black-lantern Mephisto, who is surrounded Black-lantern Magog and Quasar. Col. Bircher gives the order for The Seacons to merge to form Piranhacon and they do with Nautilator taking the form of the gestalts projectile weapon. Black Lantern Magog is taken off guard as he is hit with a powerful blast from the Decepticon, who then follows up the laser blast with an enormous metal foot to the face of the black-lanternized Kingdom Come villain. Colonel Bircher tries to match the performance of her partner Piranhacon by letting her rage take control of her actions. She spews a large clump of red energy vomit at Quasar; but the wielder of the Quantum bands easily dodges the red energy, then doubles back and hits Bircher with enough of a cosmic blast to blow her apart. As the still merged Seacons fly in towards Mephisto, their attack is ceased before it begins as Mephisto blasts Piranhacon with a hellish fiery blast that destroys the gestalt's combined spark as well as their six individual ones.
Morpheus, aided by Hal Jordan's old green lantern ring flies over to El Gaucho who is little more than stationary floating in his space suit. El Gaucho attempts to mount a defensive with some sort of non-bat, yet bat-derived weapon; but Morpheus does some green aured kung fu stuff and jacks the Batman Inc. dude up pretty good. Unfortunately for Morpheus, after using the green lantern ring of Hal's, the man, though a member of the other team and the ring become aware of each other and the ring abandons Morpheus for this yellow and orange ring wielding version of him. Morpheus begins to squirm as he is left to the rigors of space unprotected when he is mercifully killed off by a rude comment from Gardner, and a energy blast from Stewart. Firestorm and Full Spectrum Kyle Rayner fly in to the mix right at each others side. I mean RIGHT next to each other. I think they are actually holding hands. I mean, I'm not saying anything about their sexuality or preference. I am just making an observation (I'm a Watcher, not a judger). Abin Sur and Soranak Natu, work rather well together for two would be enemies. They surround and flank Firestorm and use their yellow and white rings to bring new life to his fear (whatever the hell that means).... Either way Firestorm died. The Full Spectrum Kyle Rayner begins to muster what power he can and send it off into the proper directions; but he finds quickly that despite having decent control of the full spectrum ring, he still cannot control the entire spectrum as good as four well trained lanterns working together in unison. The Crayola Crew put their powers together and destroy this Rayner incarnation.
Zod gathers his forces for the final push and rallies around Black Lantern Mephisto along with Vampire Gardner, Quasar, and Beta Ray Bill. Only Doomed and the lanterns Sur, Jordan, Gardner, Stewart, Rayner, and Natu remain for the Moist Mafia. Though at the moment, Hal Jordan seems to be missing from the battle sequence and Doomed is currently throwing a fit and busting apart asteroids while making it very clear that he has no intention of being a team player. As the Backyardigans form up, Gardner flies up to Stewart and says: “I have a plan to take out Mephisto that Hal, Abin, and Kyle are not gonna like; but I know Saranak is down”. Gardner explains the plan as Mephisto continues to grow with evil energy. Guy Gardner turns and begins to blast their own teammate Doomed with enough red energy to enrage even a room full of dope smoking monks, while Sorank Natu uses his yellow ring to slam the lifeless metal body of Piranhacon into Doomed. John Stewart then uses his Indigo ring to take control of the lantern fueld clump and shoots it like a projectile through the demonic blackened heart of Mephisto. Just then, Hal Jordan comes flying in; but not by his own volition, instead he is inside of Leia's Stealth X-Wing. His stolen green ring providing it with a protective aura, his yellow ring increasing the weaponry, and his orange ring giving it even more speed.
“I thought this thing would come in handy. Now it's a long shot guys, but let's see what we can do” Hal yells as a rallying cry to the other lanterns.
Hal Jordan in his X-Wing and Zod zip around the stars in an impressive dog fight, while Gardner and Vampire Gardner ignore the fact that they have powers and begin fist brawling as if they just rolled out of the bar. White Lantern Abin Sur is able to absorb the Quantum blasts from Quasar, reprocess them, and send them back through the spectrum in order to overload the quantum bands and kill Quasar, while John, Kyle, and Saranak Natu team up to take on Beta Ray Bill. Bill fights through the cosmic blasts and sends his hammer right through the face of Kyle Rayner with a throw. He then takes what is left of Rayner's body and uses it as a weapon to Babe Ruth Saranak Natu into the next Solar System; but while Beta Ray Bill spins back from his attack still awaiting the return of his hammer, John Stewart strikes. He envelops an aura around the hammer and which when combined with the power of Thor blows Beta Ray to bits as he goes to grab it out of the anti-matter. Stewart's victory is short-lived as Zod rushes in with vengeance and double claps Stewart's head to crush his skull despite his protective aura. Regular Guy Gardner gets tired of the fight after almost getting bit by his vampire self and creates a red lantern blade construct and uses it to slice off the dome of Vamp Gardner. White Lantern Abin Sur is the next victim of Zod's as he burns through the white energy and the man himself with a potent blast of heat vision that could even melt the steel in the twin towers (which everybody knows is impossible, just ask Michael Moore). Gardner, the only other survivor flies to the wing of Jordan's X-Wing thinking that there is no possible way to beat this Kryptonian when it comes to their attention that none of the rings from the match have flown away to seek other bearers. They are all simply hovering around Hal and Guy. With that thought in mind, Guy Gardner begins blasting Zod with everything he can muster from his two rings while Hal Jordan siphons what energy he can from the surrounding rings and sets a collision course for Zod in his ship. With the X-Wing pumped full of Lantern power, Hal ejects mere seconds before it collides with Zod creating an explosion that flings the only two living characters off into the distance.
S9W4: John and Vader's House of Sith Aids Vs. Griswold's Nut-busters
The Nutbusters are: Galactus, Teneb Kel, Maggott, Exal Kresh, Dexter Jettster, HK-47, R-4 unit 2, Riddick, Jedi Master 1a-2a, Darkside Marauder 1-12, Droid Fighter ships 15-20,
The Sith Aids are: Movie Galvatron, Nova Prime w/ Autobot Matrix of Leadership, Dreadwing, Jhiaxus, Waspinator, Ultra Magnus, Fangry, Briscoe, King Cold, Freiza, Cooler, ROM the Space Knight, Aron the Rogue Watcher, Cybertronian Guardian#10, Kannan Jarrus, Ezra Bridger, Zeb, Sabine Wren, Hera Syndulla, Chopper (C1-1OP), Kyle Rayner- Parallax, Black Lantern Black Adam, Terminus, Vegeta, Trunks, Super Sayan#1-2, X-2, Also: Star Lord, Groot, Drax the Destroyer, Gamora, Rocket Raccoon in Star Lord’s Spaceship
On board the deck of Droid Fighter ship #17:
“CHECK THE SITE!! GO TO THE SCHEDULE!!!” Screams an angry Teneb Kel to Dexter Jetsetter as his massive alien fingers fail to properly manipulate the touchscreen on his antiquated iPhone 4S.
“I’m TRYING!!” Jetsetter says bumbling as he anxiously awaits fantasyfantasyleage.blogspot.com to load on his phone. “There is no LTE coverage out here in the Andromeda Galaxy yet! This shit takes time when you are running on EDGE.”
“Hurry up guys!” Moans Maggot, “My stomach hurts. I think I need a doctor!” [1]
“Beep Boop” says the R4 unit while the two Jedi Masters are just throwing around their lightsabers and breaking stuff.
Teneb Kel is even more enraged now. “Look at the size of the Sith Aids army! We got Galactus who is probably the only one here who could do any significant damage but he can't take the entire team. What are we going to do??”
“I don’t know!” Jetsetter pushes the conversation back defensively. “I am not a strategist. I own a crappy diner on Coruscant. My number rarely gets called. I was making Obi-wan a turkey sandwich when I got sent out here so don’t yell at me!”
“I know, I know… What can we do? We are screwed! This will be a blood bath without a full team. Me, you and Maggot have 9 deaths too! We ain’t goin out like this!”
“Hey guys…” interrupts Exal Kresh from the cockpit of Droid Fighter ship #15, “looks like they are warming up some sort of weapon on one of their ships. What’s the plan?”
“It says it is a retreat week on the site.” Says Jetsetter. “We could save ourselves but at the cost of a loss. What do you guys think?”
While all this is going on Galactus goes forward and back through time an infinite number of times and sees an infinite number of outcomes. He determines that they have a 84.982% chance of defeat and makes the decision himself to retreat before the team literally talks themselves to death.
A quick flash of light blinds the advancing Sith Aids army and with amazement look upon an empty void where the Nutbusters army once sat.
On Board the Star Lord’s ship:
“Come on! What a bunch of Chickens!” Yells Star Lord looking out over the flight deck into the vast nothingness of space.
“I saw no poultry..” commented a confused Drax the Destroyer.
“I am Groot”
Watcher footnote:
[1] I first researched this character as Maggott from the Marvel Universe instead of Maggot from the Star Wars Universe. The former was a brief member of the X-men who had stomach cancer. When I went back to correct my folly, I found the line comical even though it was out of context and decided to spare its omission.
Sunday, April 3, 2016
Season 9 Week 4: Super Kitties and Cats Vs. Charles Barkley's Turrible Decisions
The Super Kitties and Cats are: Bugs Bunny in Jedi V-Wing
Lockdown w/ his ship
Zoom
Supergirl
Powergirl
Damien Darhk
Mr. Freeze
Larfleeze
Ant Man (Hank Pym)
Starfire
Venom
Thunder
Lightning
Nightcrawler
Green Lantern Penguin
Metaknight
Thor
Bugs Bunny dressed as a girl
Zombie Mike Sroka
Dark Side Adept #14
Jedi Master #50a
Super Battle Droid #1 & 2
Vision
Hot Spot
Charles Barkley's Turrible Decisions are:
Spectre
Cyborg Superman
The Butcher + RL Jeff Houslander
Ion + Kingdom Come Jade
Bizzaro Supergirl
Captain Atom
Indigo-1 and Munk
Saint Walker
Goku
Gohan and Goten
SSJ4 Gojeta
Helios
Super Cyborg Charles Barkley
Super Cyborg Michael Jordan
Space Ghost
Jan (w/ Asohka Tano's Green Lightsaber)
Jace (w/ Blue Lightsaber)
Blip - 38
Montross - 28
Greetings, friends! This is FFL Story Critic NFG Mike here to review one of this week's matches. Now, before we begin, I must warn you that this particular tale bears a striking resemblance to a certain movie. Some of that plot may be spoiled, so if you don't care, read on! If you do care, go see said movie and I'll wait here for you. Go ahead, I have nothing better to do.
...............
Alright! You're back! (Or never left). So let's get into Turrible Decisions v. Super Kitties: Yawn of Justice.
This story has the Kitties cruising around the Andromeda Galaxy in Lockdown's ship, generally minding their own business. Unfortunately for them, some of the beings in said galaxy do not believe that a ship that big and powerful could be used for anything but evil. The powers that be decide to coerce The Turrible Decisions to do something about it. Although nonsensical, this plot line should be fairly straight forward, but, as always with Watcher NuFaGtu, it's never that easy.
For starters, there are WAY too many characters to shove into something so relatively simple, but they all have to be included so their solo plotlines may be explored in a future match. At one point, we are more or less reduced to watching Youtube videos containing each combatant just to fit them in. This is embarassingly lazy and shortsighted, and most of these characters deserve better than that. The true travesty, however, is that time is wasted on a role call, when we could have delved into something that is actually entertaining. The Vision vs. Cyborg Superman battle to see who controls Lockdown's ship's CPU, for instance, was merely glossed over, when it should have been a focal point of the match. Instead, this is overshadowed to name drop such luminaries as Dark Side Adept #14, Jedi Master #50a, and the always bumbling Jan, Jace, and Blip. What a waste.
Second, Super Cyborg Charles Barkley's dream sequences are confusing at best. They bring the match to a sudden halt, and never really explain anything, let alone make sense. The jarring transitions from dream to reality are never explained, and it is hard to tell whether they are in the past or future. Did Super Cyborg Barkley already fight Thunder and Lightning, or did he just get killed by Powergirl? There is absolutely no reason for these to exist, and they are all sloppy and rushed.
There is a lone bright spot in this fiasco, however, and it is the beautifully done battle sequence between Thor and Goku. The action was crisp, well defined, and you always knew exactly what was happening at any given time. The satisfying battle raged throughout Lockdown's ship, and there were many great moments for fans of both characters. We had Thor's warrior madness versus Goku's Kaioken technique, the sheer brutality of Norse combat against a honed martial artist, and the banter between the two was top notch. Thor's deflection of a Kamehameha blast was nothing short of astonishing, but Goku grabbing Thor's hammer out of mid air was jaw-dropping! I'm honestly not sure which moment I liked better. And kudos to the writer for recognizing Goku's worthiness, as this is usually glossed over in other matches to make yet another Dragon Ball Z joke.
Unfortunately, due to the horrible script, this awesome fight is cut short in the most ham-fisted way possible, due to the appearance of a thus far unannounced and completely unwelcomed Spectre. He wasn't mentioned once in the whole story, yet now I'm supposed to believe that he's really the focal point of the whole thing? Moreover, I'm also expected to buy the fact that this guy is bad enough to unite Thor and Goku against him? I'm also not sure why Bizarro Supergirl was crammed in the end to help them against the Spectre. Just because she has 9 deaths I'm supposed to see her as an A-lister now? Please. I guess that's kind of a nitpick, because none of this even mattered at the end of the day. The Spectre was not stopped from slaughtering every member of both teams because they had all sinned at some point. Are you serious? If that's the case, then what was the point of any of this? Why not just do that from the begining and save us all some time and anguish?
What could have been a truly entertaining match was hampered by a rushed script, too many characters, and a penultimate twist that was disappointing to say the least. I'm giving the lion's share of the blame to the so called Watcher NuFaGtu, whose inability to see quality matches has again left us wanting so much more. The sad part is that this could have been one of the all time greats if handled by a more capable Watcher. Instead, we are subjected to the utter rubbish that we have come to expect from one of the League's worst. What a shame.
Official review: 2/10 stars
Hopefully, my next review will be something worth reading instead of the drivel that I barely got through this week.
As always, keep Watching! - FFL Story Critic NFG Mike.
Lockdown w/ his ship
Zoom
Supergirl
Powergirl
Damien Darhk
Mr. Freeze
Larfleeze
Ant Man (Hank Pym)
Starfire
Venom
Thunder
Lightning
Nightcrawler
Green Lantern Penguin
Metaknight
Thor
Bugs Bunny dressed as a girl
Zombie Mike Sroka
Dark Side Adept #14
Jedi Master #50a
Super Battle Droid #1 & 2
Vision
Hot Spot
Charles Barkley's Turrible Decisions are:
Spectre
Cyborg Superman
The Butcher + RL Jeff Houslander
Ion + Kingdom Come Jade
Bizzaro Supergirl
Captain Atom
Indigo-1 and Munk
Saint Walker
Goku
Gohan and Goten
SSJ4 Gojeta
Helios
Super Cyborg Charles Barkley
Super Cyborg Michael Jordan
Space Ghost
Jan (w/ Asohka Tano's Green Lightsaber)
Jace (w/ Blue Lightsaber)
Blip - 38
Montross - 28
Greetings, friends! This is FFL Story Critic NFG Mike here to review one of this week's matches. Now, before we begin, I must warn you that this particular tale bears a striking resemblance to a certain movie. Some of that plot may be spoiled, so if you don't care, read on! If you do care, go see said movie and I'll wait here for you. Go ahead, I have nothing better to do.
...............
Alright! You're back! (Or never left). So let's get into Turrible Decisions v. Super Kitties: Yawn of Justice.
This story has the Kitties cruising around the Andromeda Galaxy in Lockdown's ship, generally minding their own business. Unfortunately for them, some of the beings in said galaxy do not believe that a ship that big and powerful could be used for anything but evil. The powers that be decide to coerce The Turrible Decisions to do something about it. Although nonsensical, this plot line should be fairly straight forward, but, as always with Watcher NuFaGtu, it's never that easy.
For starters, there are WAY too many characters to shove into something so relatively simple, but they all have to be included so their solo plotlines may be explored in a future match. At one point, we are more or less reduced to watching Youtube videos containing each combatant just to fit them in. This is embarassingly lazy and shortsighted, and most of these characters deserve better than that. The true travesty, however, is that time is wasted on a role call, when we could have delved into something that is actually entertaining. The Vision vs. Cyborg Superman battle to see who controls Lockdown's ship's CPU, for instance, was merely glossed over, when it should have been a focal point of the match. Instead, this is overshadowed to name drop such luminaries as Dark Side Adept #14, Jedi Master #50a, and the always bumbling Jan, Jace, and Blip. What a waste.
Second, Super Cyborg Charles Barkley's dream sequences are confusing at best. They bring the match to a sudden halt, and never really explain anything, let alone make sense. The jarring transitions from dream to reality are never explained, and it is hard to tell whether they are in the past or future. Did Super Cyborg Barkley already fight Thunder and Lightning, or did he just get killed by Powergirl? There is absolutely no reason for these to exist, and they are all sloppy and rushed.
There is a lone bright spot in this fiasco, however, and it is the beautifully done battle sequence between Thor and Goku. The action was crisp, well defined, and you always knew exactly what was happening at any given time. The satisfying battle raged throughout Lockdown's ship, and there were many great moments for fans of both characters. We had Thor's warrior madness versus Goku's Kaioken technique, the sheer brutality of Norse combat against a honed martial artist, and the banter between the two was top notch. Thor's deflection of a Kamehameha blast was nothing short of astonishing, but Goku grabbing Thor's hammer out of mid air was jaw-dropping! I'm honestly not sure which moment I liked better. And kudos to the writer for recognizing Goku's worthiness, as this is usually glossed over in other matches to make yet another Dragon Ball Z joke.
Unfortunately, due to the horrible script, this awesome fight is cut short in the most ham-fisted way possible, due to the appearance of a thus far unannounced and completely unwelcomed Spectre. He wasn't mentioned once in the whole story, yet now I'm supposed to believe that he's really the focal point of the whole thing? Moreover, I'm also expected to buy the fact that this guy is bad enough to unite Thor and Goku against him? I'm also not sure why Bizarro Supergirl was crammed in the end to help them against the Spectre. Just because she has 9 deaths I'm supposed to see her as an A-lister now? Please. I guess that's kind of a nitpick, because none of this even mattered at the end of the day. The Spectre was not stopped from slaughtering every member of both teams because they had all sinned at some point. Are you serious? If that's the case, then what was the point of any of this? Why not just do that from the begining and save us all some time and anguish?
What could have been a truly entertaining match was hampered by a rushed script, too many characters, and a penultimate twist that was disappointing to say the least. I'm giving the lion's share of the blame to the so called Watcher NuFaGtu, whose inability to see quality matches has again left us wanting so much more. The sad part is that this could have been one of the all time greats if handled by a more capable Watcher. Instead, we are subjected to the utter rubbish that we have come to expect from one of the League's worst. What a shame.
Official review: 2/10 stars
Hopefully, my next review will be something worth reading instead of the drivel that I barely got through this week.
As always, keep Watching! - FFL Story Critic NFG Mike.
Wednesday, March 30, 2016
Darth Shemalyah Defaces Washington Monument
All are slaves.
All will bow to her will.
All will be destroyed.
S9W3: Murderflies vs. Nut-Busters
The Murderflies are: Amatsu Mikaboshi: The Chaos King, Odin, The Vampire Lestat, Jack Reacher on a crotch rocket, Dark Claw, Aang, Appa, Katara, Toph Bei Fong, Zuko, Raiju,Scunner, Slattern, Onibaba, Draco Malfoy, Bukakke Becks, Older Man Parks, Oldest Man Parks, Old Man Becks, Marines #41-70, Mars Attacks Martians #1-10, and Clone Troopers #41-50
The Nut-Busters are: Green dragon #4-18, black dragon #3-14, White dragon #1-12, Brass dragon #1-6, Copper dragon #7 and 8, krayt dragon #1 and 2, zombie #2, Teneb Kel, Maggot, Exal Kressh, Dexter Jettster, HK-47, r-4 unit 2, r-4 unit 3, jedi master #2a, jedi master #1a, jedi knight 34b, 35b, and 36b, dark side marauders #1-12 Night Brothers #3, 9, and 10, Storm trooper # 3-5, and Ewok child # 1
On the ice planet Hoth, the Nut-Busters gathered around fired provided by Aang and Zuko. “They’ll be here any time now. We should have a plan in mind.” Bukakke Becks stood proudly and said “I’ve got one! Everybody huddle in a circle so we can share this great idea!” Toph retched slightly. “Not after last time, Bukkake Becks, yoi can’t pull the wool over my eyes twice. Chaos King grinned ghoulishly.
“We won't need a plan,
Chaos will carry us through.
Discord approaches.”
Suddenly, the ground began to shake with increasing intensity. Dark Claw slowly turned around to see a wall of white barrelling toward him with the sound of a thousand freight trains.Oldest Man Parks was frozen in horror and could barely make out what Dark Claw said.
“RUUUUNNNN!”
As Oldest Man Parks was swept under, the team bolted off with the speed of a thousand freight trains. Jack Reacher hopped on his crotch rocket, only to find that a crotch rocket is a terrible way to get around on a frozen planet. He lost control almost immediately and vanished into the rolling white cloud. As the mass began to catch up, it split in two and began to flank the escaping Murderflies. At this distance the source of the blizzard was revealed; A massive swarm of dragons beat their wings, kicking up thick plumes of ice and snow. From the split where their flight separated, the land-borne Nut-Busters made first contact. “Taunt: Get lost in the snow, Murderflies?” said HK-47. A droid without honor, he fired off a blaster shot that exploded all over Bukkake Becks’ face. The Clone Troopers fired a retaliatory barrage that clipped down Zombie #2 and Dexter Jettster. “Warning: Don't get cocky,” said HK-47, “You're surrounded by 47 dragons, and we’ve got two more to take care of you right here.” HK-47, Teneb Kel, Exal Kressh, and Maggot faded back into the snowy haze while the Nut-Busters’ mighty wall of Commons closed in on their enemy. Breath weapons of all kinds rained down over the group, deflected primarily by the Benders of Avatar. Krayt dragons stomped through the crowd, trampling lesser combatants underfoot and even managing to swallow up the resilient Old Man Becks. Old Man Parks, meanwhile, was demonstrating that he was a scrappy young lad back in his day by beating the crap out of a defenseless Ewok child. Odin was single-handedly picking off crowds of Jedi and Sith as Chaos King transformed to immense size, erupting into a writing form of spined tentacles, and shouted out:
“Hide behind commons?
Dragons are mere distractions.
KILL THEM, MY KAIJU.”
His oily black tendrils slammed the frozen ground, and sigils of summoning burned red hot in the snow. A portal opened, releasing Scunner Slattern, Raiju, and Onibaba. Chaos kind resumed skewering dragons mid-flight with his spiked appendages as his summoned allies began to chew into the masses of dragons. Krayt Dragon #1 ate Appa and stomped Toph before she could see it coming, but fell to the combined efforts of Dark Claw and Katara. #2 had gone a bit more wild, stomping all over Lestat and more than a few remaining clome troopers, plus cracking Onibaba open before Raiju was able to take it down. Joining back in on the battle against the weakening Murderflies, Teneb Kel and Maggot made a sneak attack and cleared out Aang’s companions. In response the Avatar froze Maggot solid before shattering him with stone. His bald head popped like a grape as a sniper shot from HK-47 flew to his skull from afar. Exal Kressh was dismbering Scunner with surgical precision as Chaos King and Slattern both struggled to swat her off, while Teneb Kel opted for telekinesis to help Dark Claw dismember himself. Odin, however, was quick to take this opening and plant Gungnir into Kel’s ribs as Chaos King finally managed to flatten Kressh. A heartbeat’s worth of silence passed before Odin’s attention perked up. With a reflexive sidestep, another blaster shot whizzed by his face, revealing HK’s location. Chaos King teleported to the droid and stared down at him. HK, startled, shouted “Exclamation: Impossible! You were outnumbered, outclassed!”
Chaos King raised a heavy tentacle.
“What’s impossible?
Oh, HK-47
Statement: You have failed.”
Tuesday, March 29, 2016
Wednesdays Are For Jerks!
H'yall:
Just wanted 'ta say that I just don't like this Wednesday stuff none. Tuesdays should be the day rosters are put in. Wednesdays just don't give the Watchers the time they need to do a really good match. I think about the time my Papaw and Mamaw brought me to Star Wars Celebration VII. All I did was ask Clive Revel to sign in a particular sharpie in a particular place and gave him twenty two things to sign. That Revel gave me attitude. He told me he knew how to sign his name. He is a JERK! And speakin' of jerks, I don't like these people who push this Wednesday turn in thing because of a holiday we all don't celebrate. Heck, on Easter I asked my good buddy Bryan to get me a few things signed. I said I would pay him back after he got the thirteen autographs for me. Just sayin'.
-Bama
Just wanted 'ta say that I just don't like this Wednesday stuff none. Tuesdays should be the day rosters are put in. Wednesdays just don't give the Watchers the time they need to do a really good match. I think about the time my Papaw and Mamaw brought me to Star Wars Celebration VII. All I did was ask Clive Revel to sign in a particular sharpie in a particular place and gave him twenty two things to sign. That Revel gave me attitude. He told me he knew how to sign his name. He is a JERK! And speakin' of jerks, I don't like these people who push this Wednesday turn in thing because of a holiday we all don't celebrate. Heck, on Easter I asked my good buddy Bryan to get me a few things signed. I said I would pay him back after he got the thirteen autographs for me. Just sayin'.
-Bama
The Empire Vs. Hannah Montana and Barack Obama's Best of Both Worlds Touring Battalion of Commandos
The Empire is: Colossus, Lara Croft (w/ a purple lightsaber), Sabertooth, , Black Zero, Steel Superman, Lady Deadpool, Kidpool, Headpool, Dogpool, Kid Deadpool (w/ a Sith Lavarouk), Kaja Sinis, Black Lantern Abin Sur, Vladimir Putin (w/ yellow lantern ring), Hannibal King, Kim Jong Un, Mewtoo (w/ a red lightsaber), Superman Becks, Gorax, The Revanchist (w/ a blue lightsaber), Kyle Rayner, Daredevil (w/ a mithril vest and a green lightsaber), Jedi Master #40, Nightbrother #7-8, Acklay #3, Force Adept #6, Krayt Dragon #4, Neo Cymek #19, Brass Dragon #10, Copper Dragon #1-6, Rohirim #2-6, Dementor #6 & 9, Terminator #38, Decepticon Decoy #1-5, Watchdog #2, 5-10.
The Commandos are: Iorek Byrninson, Lyra Belacqua w/ Pantalamion, Will Perry w/ Kirjava, Olivia Moore, Clairy Fraye, Dora, Boots, Backpack, The Map, The Mikaelson Family, Hannah Montana, Ewok Child #9, Human Bomb, Dark Phoenix, Zombie Nichol Valdez, Thanos, Sin Eater, Foolkiller, Equnox, Grimlock Rex Prime, Gungan #49-50, The 2002 Detroit Red Wings, Boil Over Becks, Doozer #9, Queen Xenomorph #9-10, Wookie Soldier #26-30, Atreides Soldier #19-20, Minotaur #6-10, Dilaphosaur #26-30, Allosaurus #26-30, Samurai #36-40.
A LONG TIME AGO IN A GALAXY FAR FAR AWAY....
It is a dark time for The Commandos. Although Putin was defeated, The Premier's Imperial Troops have driven The Commandos forces from their hidden base and pursued them across the Galaxy.
Evading the dreaded Imperial Starfleet, a group of freedom fighters led by Dora the Explorer has established a new secret base on the remote ice world of Hoth.
The evil Lord Putin, obsessed with finding young Dora, has dispatched thousands of remote probe droids into the far reaches of space..........
ON THE SURFACE OF HOTH
“Echo three to Echo seven, Lidstrom old buddy, you read me”??
“Loud and clear Chelios. I see no signs of anything. I was about to head back to base”
“There was a meteor that hit ground back here, I was going to go check it out”.
“Chris, there isn't enough life on this planet to fill Joe Louis Arena”.
“Ha, I hear ya Nick. I'll be back to base soon”.
ON THE OFFWORLD BASE OF THE EMPIRE
“Premier Putin, what an honor to be in your presence, sir”
“Dispense with the pleasantries Private Superman Becks. Now tell me, what are your findings”??
“Very little to report I'm afraid sir. One of our probe droids was hit by a hockey stick down on Hoth; but I am sure it is nothing”.
“THAT IS THEM Superman Becks, NOW ready the fleet”.
“But Premier Putin. It could be anything. It could be Canadians, or Swedes, or even friends of Ninja Turtles”??
“You are wrong private. It is them, and Dora is with them. GENERAL KIM JONG”!!
“Yes Premier”.
“Ready your troops. And make way for the Hoth system”.
THE COMMANDO HOTH OUTPOST
“Echo three, this is Echo Base.... Repeat..... Echo three, this is Commander Hannah Montana, from Echo Base. Do you read me. Lt. Chelios, DO YOU READ ME”??
“I read ya now Echo Base. All I did was hit that probe droid with my hockey stick and it blew up. It must have been some sissie droid from Colorado”.
“Well, Grimlock and Martian Manhunter are interpretting the signal as an Imperial one. You better get back to base”.
THE COMLINK IS INTERUPTED
“Echo Base, this is General Bowman. We should begin full evacuation”.
“I agree, General Bowman. It's a good bet The Empire knows we're here. Montana out”.
THE EMPIRE LANDS JUST OUTSIDE ECHO BASE.
“KYLE RAYNER, The Commandos already seem to be evacuating”.
“Well, yes Premier Putin, they are”.
“Superman Becks came out of lightspeed too close to the settlement”.
“Well, Premier, he thought surprise was......... (trailing off).....
“Superman Becks is as clumsy as he is stupid” says Putin. “BRING HIM TO ME”.
SUPERMAN BECKS IS SEEN BEING DRAGGED OUT OF THE ROOM BY KIDPOOL AND KID DEADPOOL.
“Apology accepted Superman Becks” says Putin.
ON THE GROUND, HALF A MILE FROM ECHO BASE.
“Colonel Saybatooth, this es General Kim Jong. Remember that I row your thoughts. I row what your” heart intends, I row whether you right raliantly. For I am your Supreme Leader. Now take all expendable troops and bring them to battle first. Attack Recho Rase for the grory of the combined Empire Of Russia and Unified Korea”.
ECHO BASE.
“Capt. Lidstrom, this is General Bowman. Get what troops you can together and prepare for a ground assault”.
“Three lines against an army, Capt. Lidstrom?? That's impossible”. Says Sgt. Draper, speaking for the whole team.
The brave Capt. Lidstrom replies: “Grimlock Prime and Thanos will fire several shots to back us up. , We need to make sure that all of the television and young adult book stars that are bogging down are team can get to safety. We have a job to do Red Wings, now let's get to it”.
“Look it's THE EMPIRE”!! Shouts Capt. Obvious, I mean Corporal Robataille.
THE BATTLE BEGINS...
General Jong Un remains at the rear while Sabertooth leads the ragtag group of battle-hardened Imperials towards Echo Base.
Sabertooth, the Deadpool Corps, Hannibal King, who looks like he should be in the Deadpool Corps; but is not, the Dementors, terminators Decepticon decoys, and several others (but not the warm blooded Krayt Dragon, who of course died the second it got off the ship on Hoth) mow through the once strong Red Wing defense, their extra gungans Queen Xenomorphs, Wookies, soldiers, dinosaurs, samurai, and several other key players such as Doozer #9, his boyfriend Boil Over Becks, Foolkiller, Equinox, Sin Eater, Boil Over Becks ex-boyfriend: Ewok Child #9, and the two zombies Nichol and Olivia Moore, who are having a totally normal CW-like love affair even though they have both always been straight before today.
As The Empire enters the base, The Commandos scramble to attempt to get to safety; but they do valiantly fight back. The Empire also finds that the defenses of the base are significantly more advanced than they realized and casualties are high on their side as well. In fact, the entire advance squad, that General Jong Un sent in has been killed, making the elite rear guard of The Imperial forces join the ground assault.
Dora and Boots come rushing down into the control room, when.......
“IMPERIAL TROOPS HAVE ENTERED THE BASE. IMPERIAL TROOPS HAVE ENTERED THE BASE” Starts booming through the loudspeakers of the control station.
“Commander Montana, we need to get you to your ship”. Yells Dora.
Hannah retorts: “I'll be fine Dora, you got your clearance to leave”.
“We'll leave, but you're the namesake of this team, and first I'm going to get you out of here”
“I'll be fine. Besides, Obama's term is almost up. And then your as good as gone anyway”. Just get out of here”. Says Montana.
“This is about the way you feel about me isn't Miley”?? Says Dora.
Hannah gets sheepish and says: “Well, I mean yes. Of course. You're a natural leader. We need you”
“We need, more like you need”.....
Hannah moves towards Dora, when they are interrupted by the comlink and forced back into a mode of all business.....
“Commander Montana, Commander Montana, anybody, ANYBODY. If anybody can hear this.... This is Katy Grimlock-Perry. I'm on the back of my husband and things are getting really bad. The battle is lost, repeat the battle is lost”.
“Hold tight Katy, we're coming with reinforcements”. Yells Dora.
Katy comes back over the crackling and failing communicator: “NO, DON”T. The battle is lost. You can't help us. We took out Steel Superman and Colossus,Daredevil, Black Zero, Kaja Sinis, Kyle Rayner, even General Jong Un himself; but we lost Thanos, Manhunter, Human Bomb, and we just lost Dark Phoenix!! She went nuts and it blew the reactor core when she did!! The whole Mikaelson family and Clairy are trapped inside. WE'RE DONE, GAME OVER GIRLS.... GET OUT OF HERE IF YOU STILL CAAAAHHH......
THE COMLINK GOES DEAD.......
“Boots, this is Dora. Ready the ship for takeoff. Hannah and I are coming to you”.
“Dora, don't come..... its.... a...... trap...... ship... is... down..... I've been shot.... Backpack, Map.... all gone. Dora........ It.... was... Putin..........”............
“BOOTS”!!!! Screams Dora.
THE COMLINK GOES DEAD AGAIN....
Miley is shaking when she says: “Dora, don't let them take us. I know too much. If I crack under torture, Putin will know all our secrets. I can't let them take me no matter what”.
Dora and Miley run as fast as they can away from the base when they find themselves by a iced over cliff outside the base. With no place to go, Putin, aided by his yellow ring flies in.
“Dora, we need to talk. I know that when we worked together before that your loyalty to Obama has waivered. I know it wasn't all a sham”
Miley looks at Dora, like it can't possibly be true, while Putin continues.
“Join me Dora. You can be my right hand. We could rule the league. I won't hurt Hannah Montana. We just need her information. And we need you. The battle is won for our side. There is nothing you can do. I'm sorry about Boots. My men were just defending themselves. But we don't need further loss of life. Now, Dora........ Come with me.... It is the only way”.......
Putin puts out his hand to help Dora and Hannah down from the cliff, certain that she will come. Even Hannah understands that surrender is the only logical way out. Hannah takes a step in Putin's direction, when Dora grabs her hand.
Hannah turns to Dora and says: “I love you”.....
But Dora pulls out her pistol and says: “I know”.
Putin puts up a yellow aura to protect himself from potential bullets, when Dora points the gun at Hannah's head, pulls the trigger, and then defiantly looks over at Putin as she throws herself off the cliff.
The Commandos are: Iorek Byrninson, Lyra Belacqua w/ Pantalamion, Will Perry w/ Kirjava, Olivia Moore, Clairy Fraye, Dora, Boots, Backpack, The Map, The Mikaelson Family, Hannah Montana, Ewok Child #9, Human Bomb, Dark Phoenix, Zombie Nichol Valdez, Thanos, Sin Eater, Foolkiller, Equnox, Grimlock Rex Prime, Gungan #49-50, The 2002 Detroit Red Wings, Boil Over Becks, Doozer #9, Queen Xenomorph #9-10, Wookie Soldier #26-30, Atreides Soldier #19-20, Minotaur #6-10, Dilaphosaur #26-30, Allosaurus #26-30, Samurai #36-40.
A LONG TIME AGO IN A GALAXY FAR FAR AWAY....
It is a dark time for The Commandos. Although Putin was defeated, The Premier's Imperial Troops have driven The Commandos forces from their hidden base and pursued them across the Galaxy.
Evading the dreaded Imperial Starfleet, a group of freedom fighters led by Dora the Explorer has established a new secret base on the remote ice world of Hoth.
The evil Lord Putin, obsessed with finding young Dora, has dispatched thousands of remote probe droids into the far reaches of space..........
ON THE SURFACE OF HOTH
“Echo three to Echo seven, Lidstrom old buddy, you read me”??
“Loud and clear Chelios. I see no signs of anything. I was about to head back to base”
“There was a meteor that hit ground back here, I was going to go check it out”.
“Chris, there isn't enough life on this planet to fill Joe Louis Arena”.
“Ha, I hear ya Nick. I'll be back to base soon”.
ON THE OFFWORLD BASE OF THE EMPIRE
“Premier Putin, what an honor to be in your presence, sir”
“Dispense with the pleasantries Private Superman Becks. Now tell me, what are your findings”??
“Very little to report I'm afraid sir. One of our probe droids was hit by a hockey stick down on Hoth; but I am sure it is nothing”.
“THAT IS THEM Superman Becks, NOW ready the fleet”.
“But Premier Putin. It could be anything. It could be Canadians, or Swedes, or even friends of Ninja Turtles”??
“You are wrong private. It is them, and Dora is with them. GENERAL KIM JONG”!!
“Yes Premier”.
“Ready your troops. And make way for the Hoth system”.
THE COMMANDO HOTH OUTPOST
“Echo three, this is Echo Base.... Repeat..... Echo three, this is Commander Hannah Montana, from Echo Base. Do you read me. Lt. Chelios, DO YOU READ ME”??
“I read ya now Echo Base. All I did was hit that probe droid with my hockey stick and it blew up. It must have been some sissie droid from Colorado”.
“Well, Grimlock and Martian Manhunter are interpretting the signal as an Imperial one. You better get back to base”.
THE COMLINK IS INTERUPTED
“Echo Base, this is General Bowman. We should begin full evacuation”.
“I agree, General Bowman. It's a good bet The Empire knows we're here. Montana out”.
THE EMPIRE LANDS JUST OUTSIDE ECHO BASE.
“KYLE RAYNER, The Commandos already seem to be evacuating”.
“Well, yes Premier Putin, they are”.
“Superman Becks came out of lightspeed too close to the settlement”.
“Well, Premier, he thought surprise was......... (trailing off).....
“Superman Becks is as clumsy as he is stupid” says Putin. “BRING HIM TO ME”.
SUPERMAN BECKS IS SEEN BEING DRAGGED OUT OF THE ROOM BY KIDPOOL AND KID DEADPOOL.
“Apology accepted Superman Becks” says Putin.
ON THE GROUND, HALF A MILE FROM ECHO BASE.
“Colonel Saybatooth, this es General Kim Jong. Remember that I row your thoughts. I row what your” heart intends, I row whether you right raliantly. For I am your Supreme Leader. Now take all expendable troops and bring them to battle first. Attack Recho Rase for the grory of the combined Empire Of Russia and Unified Korea”.
ECHO BASE.
“Capt. Lidstrom, this is General Bowman. Get what troops you can together and prepare for a ground assault”.
“Three lines against an army, Capt. Lidstrom?? That's impossible”. Says Sgt. Draper, speaking for the whole team.
The brave Capt. Lidstrom replies: “Grimlock Prime and Thanos will fire several shots to back us up. , We need to make sure that all of the television and young adult book stars that are bogging down are team can get to safety. We have a job to do Red Wings, now let's get to it”.
“Look it's THE EMPIRE”!! Shouts Capt. Obvious, I mean Corporal Robataille.
THE BATTLE BEGINS...
General Jong Un remains at the rear while Sabertooth leads the ragtag group of battle-hardened Imperials towards Echo Base.
Sabertooth, the Deadpool Corps, Hannibal King, who looks like he should be in the Deadpool Corps; but is not, the Dementors, terminators Decepticon decoys, and several others (but not the warm blooded Krayt Dragon, who of course died the second it got off the ship on Hoth) mow through the once strong Red Wing defense, their extra gungans Queen Xenomorphs, Wookies, soldiers, dinosaurs, samurai, and several other key players such as Doozer #9, his boyfriend Boil Over Becks, Foolkiller, Equinox, Sin Eater, Boil Over Becks ex-boyfriend: Ewok Child #9, and the two zombies Nichol and Olivia Moore, who are having a totally normal CW-like love affair even though they have both always been straight before today.
As The Empire enters the base, The Commandos scramble to attempt to get to safety; but they do valiantly fight back. The Empire also finds that the defenses of the base are significantly more advanced than they realized and casualties are high on their side as well. In fact, the entire advance squad, that General Jong Un sent in has been killed, making the elite rear guard of The Imperial forces join the ground assault.
Dora and Boots come rushing down into the control room, when.......
“IMPERIAL TROOPS HAVE ENTERED THE BASE. IMPERIAL TROOPS HAVE ENTERED THE BASE” Starts booming through the loudspeakers of the control station.
“Commander Montana, we need to get you to your ship”. Yells Dora.
Hannah retorts: “I'll be fine Dora, you got your clearance to leave”.
“We'll leave, but you're the namesake of this team, and first I'm going to get you out of here”
“I'll be fine. Besides, Obama's term is almost up. And then your as good as gone anyway”. Just get out of here”. Says Montana.
“This is about the way you feel about me isn't Miley”?? Says Dora.
Hannah gets sheepish and says: “Well, I mean yes. Of course. You're a natural leader. We need you”
“We need, more like you need”.....
Hannah moves towards Dora, when they are interrupted by the comlink and forced back into a mode of all business.....
“Commander Montana, Commander Montana, anybody, ANYBODY. If anybody can hear this.... This is Katy Grimlock-Perry. I'm on the back of my husband and things are getting really bad. The battle is lost, repeat the battle is lost”.
“Hold tight Katy, we're coming with reinforcements”. Yells Dora.
Katy comes back over the crackling and failing communicator: “NO, DON”T. The battle is lost. You can't help us. We took out Steel Superman and Colossus,Daredevil, Black Zero, Kaja Sinis, Kyle Rayner, even General Jong Un himself; but we lost Thanos, Manhunter, Human Bomb, and we just lost Dark Phoenix!! She went nuts and it blew the reactor core when she did!! The whole Mikaelson family and Clairy are trapped inside. WE'RE DONE, GAME OVER GIRLS.... GET OUT OF HERE IF YOU STILL CAAAAHHH......
THE COMLINK GOES DEAD.......
“Boots, this is Dora. Ready the ship for takeoff. Hannah and I are coming to you”.
“Dora, don't come..... its.... a...... trap...... ship... is... down..... I've been shot.... Backpack, Map.... all gone. Dora........ It.... was... Putin..........”............
“BOOTS”!!!! Screams Dora.
THE COMLINK GOES DEAD AGAIN....
Miley is shaking when she says: “Dora, don't let them take us. I know too much. If I crack under torture, Putin will know all our secrets. I can't let them take me no matter what”.
Dora and Miley run as fast as they can away from the base when they find themselves by a iced over cliff outside the base. With no place to go, Putin, aided by his yellow ring flies in.
“Dora, we need to talk. I know that when we worked together before that your loyalty to Obama has waivered. I know it wasn't all a sham”
Miley looks at Dora, like it can't possibly be true, while Putin continues.
“Join me Dora. You can be my right hand. We could rule the league. I won't hurt Hannah Montana. We just need her information. And we need you. The battle is won for our side. There is nothing you can do. I'm sorry about Boots. My men were just defending themselves. But we don't need further loss of life. Now, Dora........ Come with me.... It is the only way”.......
Putin puts out his hand to help Dora and Hannah down from the cliff, certain that she will come. Even Hannah understands that surrender is the only logical way out. Hannah takes a step in Putin's direction, when Dora grabs her hand.
Hannah turns to Dora and says: “I love you”.....
But Dora pulls out her pistol and says: “I know”.
Putin puts up a yellow aura to protect himself from potential bullets, when Dora points the gun at Hannah's head, pulls the trigger, and then defiantly looks over at Putin as she throws herself off the cliff.
The Royal Highness Vs. Layanderletson's Super Orange Kitties and Cats Living Together to Make a New Family
Layanderletson's Super Orange Kitties and Cats Living Together to Make a New Family are: Zoom, Vandal Savage, (Kingdom Come) Red Robin, Damien Darhk, (Kingdom Come) Green Lantern, Deathstroke, Robin (Damien Wayne), Vision, Thor, Green Goblin (Norman Osborne), Green Goblin (Harry Osborne), Patrick Starr, Toto, Stass Allie, Nightcrawler, Abomination, Venom, Jedi Knight #1B (Gary), Strom Trooper #49, Aerial Clone Trooper Captain, Aerial Clone Trooper #1-6, Ewok #52-57, Jedi Master #50A, Nexu #3, Super Battle Droid #1-2, Pony #3, Griffin #23, Treasure Troll #17, Ice Bros. #8-10, Magwai #2, Smurf #7, Little Goomba #64, N.S.-5 #35, a black dragon, a purple dragon, a bronze dragon, a sliver dragon, a copper dragon, Decepticon #3 & 6, and Uruk Hai #1-8.
The Royal Highness is: Emperor Palpatine, Kylo Ren, Jadis the White Witch, The Pretender Monsters: Birdbrain, Bristleback, Icepick, Scowl, Slag, and Wildfly, Obliterator, Silver Racer (w/ a green lantern ring), Suprema (w/ a blue lantern ring), Ursa, Broly, Metron, Old Man Logan, Avalanche, Sonny, Agent Smith, Hugh Glass, an Imperial Shuttle, Uruk Hai #57, Jessica Rabbit, White Dragon #9, Sith Lord #8, Ancient Sith Lord #2-3, 7-8, Wookie Soldier #2-4, 8-25, Queen Xenomorph #1-3, 7-8, Signalmen #1-4, Looney Tunes Gremlins #1-4, Upgraded Matrix Agent #1-5, and Minotaur #1-5.
The planet once known as Hoth, a desolate frozen place that at one point did not hold enough lifeforms to fill a space cruiser is not the same as it once was. Not since The Royal Highness took it over with their armies, colonized it, and renamed it Cannabis Prime. Now it is overtaken by a strange system of Feudalism. Its regional chieftans, though by no means driven by intentions of good, have done well to establish a semi-peaceful balance of power over the once intelligently uninhabited ball of ice. But once the super kitties became aware of this enemy outpost, they began formulating a plan of attack for the complete takeover and overhaul of the system.
The true Emperor of this place is Palpatine, who along with his Sith Lords reside in the long parked, and questionably functional Imperial shuttle turned palace in the center of the roughly inhabited Hoth. Jadis the White Witch, along with the lone Uruk Hai, and her pets the Pretender Monsters and the Queen Xenomorphs reside in a cave nearby, while other commons and loners have formed small groups that occupy barely livable areas near the Palace Shuttle.
The Super Kitties, the sworn enemy of The Highness, has no choice but to fight their way into these areas or die in the harsh wasteland. Palpatine, who once lived amongst and fought alongside the Super Kitties is anxious to destroy this team once and for all; but he bides his time, in hopes that his lesser Vassals can do his dirty work for him. His lesser followers and users of the Dark Side, do not quite have his mastery of patience.
“At last we will reveal ourselves to the Super Kitties; at last we will have our revenge”, says an ever-emo looking Kylo Ren to his grandfather's old master Sidious,
Due to the landscape and increased number of targets, the Super Kitties are unable to mount a full scale ground assault against their enemies; but small strike forces begin mounting assaults all over the occupied areas of the planet.
Vandal Savage leads, Damien Darhk, Deathstroke, both the Green Goblins, Zoom, the Uruk Hai, and a group of empathically controlled dragons into the cave of Jadis, despite it being a highly defensible position. The casualties for the dragons and the Uruk Hai are high, as the extra large Xenomorphs seem to come out of the very walls of the cave to attack them. The battling is fierce and Norman and Harry are able to destroy the last two Alien queens, after the rest of both sides monsters destroy each other. Elsewhere in the cave, Savage, Deathstroke and Darhk are able to use brains over brawn to defeat the Pretender Monsters, who they lure into a area too small for them to form Monstructor, and barely large enough for them to move at all. The three of them, coordinate their attacks and are able to one by one destroy all six members of the Decepticon group. The two green goblins, have learned to fight quite well alongside each other; but their pumpkin bombs come up short against the White Witch, who uses her frost magic to bombard the two millionaires right off of their gliders. Her next opponent, is one whom she may match on the power scale, but whom she never even sees coming. Zoom, simply rushes in to her back area of the cave, and runs around her with such velocity and creating such friction, that The White Witch actually catches fire and burns to death at the proverbial stake. The DC Villains set up shop in the cave and begin to formulate their next plan of attack.
Abomination, meets up with Broly and the two of them manage to heat up a good half mile of frigid landscape with their knock-down-drag-out brawl. The constant hot air being poured out of Broly helps as well. Their is a whole lot of talk about how he is the most powerful fighter in the universe, and unbeatable, and super sayan this and super sayan that; but at the end of the day, Abomination's base strength level is higher than that of the Hulk and that is what he uses to grind Broly into the ground and then crush him into nothingness. Metron makes short work of Jedi Master #50A, as well as the ever evasive Nightcrawler; but their teammate Alan Scott is able to use his built up reserve power to overtake Metron, with a huge magic-infused bit of green will power to knock him from the Mobius Chair and destroy him.
Thor, Vision, Venom, the two Robins, and their guide: Penguin Suit Mario form an incarnation of The Avengers whose comic I would absolutely love to read. They form the crux of the attack, while they coordinate the airstrike Gary, the former padawan of Kit Fisto, who is smoking death sticks, while riding with Toto and Patrick Star in the cockpit of Decepticon #3 (if you remember Gary as a padawan from the early seasons of Fantasy Fantasy, than you are truly a lifelong devotee to this league; shout out to Nick for creating him). The Aerial Clone Trooper Captain rides inside Decepticon #6 realying the orders to the Aerial Clone Troopers zipping in behind them with their jetpacks. The non-Sith powerhouses of the Highness, hold up in an old smuggler base is their target. Despite their fighting prowess, the two Robins rather quickly fall to the Upgraded Matrix Agents, while their boss Agent Smith fights fellow computer program Mario, first making him lose his suit, then making him get smaller, and then finally ending him. Suprema and Ursa take to the air to combat the two Decepticon ships, while Obliterator has little difficulty obliterating the aerial clone troopers, before catching an Asgardian hammer with his face. Gary leaps out of the cockpit of his Decepticon carrier, with his lightsaber ignited; but is no match for Ursa who smacks him to the ground hard before she uses her heat vision to melt Decepticon #3 almost entirely before it hits the ground. The blue-aura glowing Suprema blasts through Decepticon #6, to destroy its spark as well as the clone inside it, as the Kryptonian and the fake Kryptonian join with each other in order to double-back and aid The Silver Racer and the Agents in their battle against the Marvel dudes. As the battle heats up, both sides call in reinforcements; but the back up for both crews meet up with each other on a sloped landscape below, before they can actually rendezvous with the squads that called them in. Attrition is high, as The Wookie Soldiers numbers are decreased by two thirds, while the Looney Tunes Gremlins, the white dragon, and the Minotaurs all die in the skirmish; but not before The Ice Bros. become deiced, Griffin #23 becomes declawed, Treasure Troll #17 gets decuted, N.S-5 #35 becomes deactivated, and Goomba #6 gets decompressed. The pony riding Magwai and Smurf yell something unintelligible as they mount a last ditch charge against the wookies but that too is in vain. The Signalmen are not present, because as it turns out they have already mounted a failed attempt to take back the cave of the White Witch from Savage and his cohorts where they lost their lives. What is left of the wookies begin to regroup when they hear a deafening horn call to action. The ewoks pop up from the snowbanks above the valley; and along with the two super battle droids mow down the rest of the wookies with a combination of arrows and laser blasts.
Back in the battle-proper, the death toll continues to rise. Jedi Master Stass Allie matches Sonny the robot's jumping skill and cuts him in half at the torso with her lightsaber, while Avalanche shoots a healthy dose of seismic blast at Venom. Venom dodges the attack, which causes a literal avalanche behind the symbiote-suited villain turned sometime hero. Venom then knocks Avalanche to ground, wrapping his tongue around the neck of the mutant before crushing his skull barehanded. Venom is then met with a cosmic blast from the Silver Racer that blasts him and the symbiote apart at a molecular level. The Amalgam character then gets his head knocked off as he is caught by a uppercut from Thor's hammer with Thor still attached (ouch). Agent Smith matches the jedi moves of Stass with ease, before he knocks the lightsaber from her hands and puts a .50 caliber bullet between her eyes. Smith and his Agents then leap into battle with Thor and Vision but are taken off guard. Vision is able to disrupt their digital mainframe, while Thor brings down a blast of lightning from the heavens that transcends the very simulation that gives the Agents life. It wipes them from existence completely; but Thor would have no way of knowing that with this move, the same fate would befall his friend Vision. Suprema and Ursa do a clean-sweep-flyby to take out the super battle droids, Storm Trooper #49, the ewoks, and their pet Nexu, accidentally killing their teammate Jessica Rabbit, whom the ewoks had taken as a queen as well. All that is left in the open battle is Thor and Abomination, who square off in a pitched battle (my first Becks shout out of the season) with Ursa and Suprema. This powerhouse brawl involves punches that could knock down a sky-scraper like an errant finger knocks down a house of cards. At first all four are fighting together; but eventually Thor breaks off with Ursa and Abomination with Suprema. Abomination and Suprema level each other with a double punch that causes them to join each other in death in classic Superman/Doomsday fashion, while Ursa is able to overtake Thor, who is simply not able to muster enough Asgardian energy after so much was expelled to take out Agent Smith and the Agents. It is a mixture of brute strength and heat vision that puts Ursa into a state of complete exhaustion and Thor to his grave.
Six days pass after this long battle, before Savage and his allies come to realize that the Sith Lords, who, like them were more than willing to let their teammates die to gain what seemed to be for both sides an upper hand in the overall battle have come to realize that they mysterious dark side users will ot come to their cave. Instead Savage will have to attack the Imperial Shuttle Palace head on. And attack it they do.....
Swiftly and stealthily, Savage, Darhk, Deathstroke, and Zoom sneak in through the hatch of a jettisoned escape pod and move towards the cockpit turned throne room. Kylo Ren and the Sith Lord square off against Deathstroke, while the four Ancient Sith Lords split off into groups of two to take on Savage and Darhk. Zoom is preparing to quickly make his move on Palpatine, but the dark lord can already sense his presence. Deathstroke moves against the unnamed Sith first and slices off his head before allowing his blade to find the chest of Kylo Ren who was crying about something or other. But Deathstroke is then swarmed by the two remaining Ancient Sith, one left, who dispatched Darhk and the one who escaped Vandal Savage. Deathstroke takes out another one with an emptied magazine into his fast moving body; but is then hit with a deadly amount of Sith lightning. Vandal Savage stabs the remaining ancient Sith in the back and then coordinates with Zoom to move in on Palpatine...
Unfortunately for them they never received advice from Yoda.
And even though they would not have thought they were, they certainly underestimated the power of the Emperor. Palpatine, freezes Zoom in place with the force and unleashes a barrage of Sith Lightning that sends Zooms lifeless corpse back into the speed force. Savage then makes his move; but Palpatine spins backwards, igniting his crimson lightsaber and then leaping back towards his enemy and plunging it in to the chest of Vandal Savage.......
As Palpatine sits in his throne, plotting and meditating as to where to find his next apprentice and Ursa recovers in the cold from her injuries, there is a conversation taking place in a long jettisonedescape pod, by two men huddled close inside it for safety. Hugh Glass passes a canteen to Logan and says: “Well, shall we join this fight”?? Logan takes a long swig of the whiskey, passes it back to Hugh and says..... “Ehh, maybe the next one”.
The Royal Highness is: Emperor Palpatine, Kylo Ren, Jadis the White Witch, The Pretender Monsters: Birdbrain, Bristleback, Icepick, Scowl, Slag, and Wildfly, Obliterator, Silver Racer (w/ a green lantern ring), Suprema (w/ a blue lantern ring), Ursa, Broly, Metron, Old Man Logan, Avalanche, Sonny, Agent Smith, Hugh Glass, an Imperial Shuttle, Uruk Hai #57, Jessica Rabbit, White Dragon #9, Sith Lord #8, Ancient Sith Lord #2-3, 7-8, Wookie Soldier #2-4, 8-25, Queen Xenomorph #1-3, 7-8, Signalmen #1-4, Looney Tunes Gremlins #1-4, Upgraded Matrix Agent #1-5, and Minotaur #1-5.
The planet once known as Hoth, a desolate frozen place that at one point did not hold enough lifeforms to fill a space cruiser is not the same as it once was. Not since The Royal Highness took it over with their armies, colonized it, and renamed it Cannabis Prime. Now it is overtaken by a strange system of Feudalism. Its regional chieftans, though by no means driven by intentions of good, have done well to establish a semi-peaceful balance of power over the once intelligently uninhabited ball of ice. But once the super kitties became aware of this enemy outpost, they began formulating a plan of attack for the complete takeover and overhaul of the system.
The true Emperor of this place is Palpatine, who along with his Sith Lords reside in the long parked, and questionably functional Imperial shuttle turned palace in the center of the roughly inhabited Hoth. Jadis the White Witch, along with the lone Uruk Hai, and her pets the Pretender Monsters and the Queen Xenomorphs reside in a cave nearby, while other commons and loners have formed small groups that occupy barely livable areas near the Palace Shuttle.
The Super Kitties, the sworn enemy of The Highness, has no choice but to fight their way into these areas or die in the harsh wasteland. Palpatine, who once lived amongst and fought alongside the Super Kitties is anxious to destroy this team once and for all; but he bides his time, in hopes that his lesser Vassals can do his dirty work for him. His lesser followers and users of the Dark Side, do not quite have his mastery of patience.
“At last we will reveal ourselves to the Super Kitties; at last we will have our revenge”, says an ever-emo looking Kylo Ren to his grandfather's old master Sidious,
Due to the landscape and increased number of targets, the Super Kitties are unable to mount a full scale ground assault against their enemies; but small strike forces begin mounting assaults all over the occupied areas of the planet.
Vandal Savage leads, Damien Darhk, Deathstroke, both the Green Goblins, Zoom, the Uruk Hai, and a group of empathically controlled dragons into the cave of Jadis, despite it being a highly defensible position. The casualties for the dragons and the Uruk Hai are high, as the extra large Xenomorphs seem to come out of the very walls of the cave to attack them. The battling is fierce and Norman and Harry are able to destroy the last two Alien queens, after the rest of both sides monsters destroy each other. Elsewhere in the cave, Savage, Deathstroke and Darhk are able to use brains over brawn to defeat the Pretender Monsters, who they lure into a area too small for them to form Monstructor, and barely large enough for them to move at all. The three of them, coordinate their attacks and are able to one by one destroy all six members of the Decepticon group. The two green goblins, have learned to fight quite well alongside each other; but their pumpkin bombs come up short against the White Witch, who uses her frost magic to bombard the two millionaires right off of their gliders. Her next opponent, is one whom she may match on the power scale, but whom she never even sees coming. Zoom, simply rushes in to her back area of the cave, and runs around her with such velocity and creating such friction, that The White Witch actually catches fire and burns to death at the proverbial stake. The DC Villains set up shop in the cave and begin to formulate their next plan of attack.
Abomination, meets up with Broly and the two of them manage to heat up a good half mile of frigid landscape with their knock-down-drag-out brawl. The constant hot air being poured out of Broly helps as well. Their is a whole lot of talk about how he is the most powerful fighter in the universe, and unbeatable, and super sayan this and super sayan that; but at the end of the day, Abomination's base strength level is higher than that of the Hulk and that is what he uses to grind Broly into the ground and then crush him into nothingness. Metron makes short work of Jedi Master #50A, as well as the ever evasive Nightcrawler; but their teammate Alan Scott is able to use his built up reserve power to overtake Metron, with a huge magic-infused bit of green will power to knock him from the Mobius Chair and destroy him.
Thor, Vision, Venom, the two Robins, and their guide: Penguin Suit Mario form an incarnation of The Avengers whose comic I would absolutely love to read. They form the crux of the attack, while they coordinate the airstrike Gary, the former padawan of Kit Fisto, who is smoking death sticks, while riding with Toto and Patrick Star in the cockpit of Decepticon #3 (if you remember Gary as a padawan from the early seasons of Fantasy Fantasy, than you are truly a lifelong devotee to this league; shout out to Nick for creating him). The Aerial Clone Trooper Captain rides inside Decepticon #6 realying the orders to the Aerial Clone Troopers zipping in behind them with their jetpacks. The non-Sith powerhouses of the Highness, hold up in an old smuggler base is their target. Despite their fighting prowess, the two Robins rather quickly fall to the Upgraded Matrix Agents, while their boss Agent Smith fights fellow computer program Mario, first making him lose his suit, then making him get smaller, and then finally ending him. Suprema and Ursa take to the air to combat the two Decepticon ships, while Obliterator has little difficulty obliterating the aerial clone troopers, before catching an Asgardian hammer with his face. Gary leaps out of the cockpit of his Decepticon carrier, with his lightsaber ignited; but is no match for Ursa who smacks him to the ground hard before she uses her heat vision to melt Decepticon #3 almost entirely before it hits the ground. The blue-aura glowing Suprema blasts through Decepticon #6, to destroy its spark as well as the clone inside it, as the Kryptonian and the fake Kryptonian join with each other in order to double-back and aid The Silver Racer and the Agents in their battle against the Marvel dudes. As the battle heats up, both sides call in reinforcements; but the back up for both crews meet up with each other on a sloped landscape below, before they can actually rendezvous with the squads that called them in. Attrition is high, as The Wookie Soldiers numbers are decreased by two thirds, while the Looney Tunes Gremlins, the white dragon, and the Minotaurs all die in the skirmish; but not before The Ice Bros. become deiced, Griffin #23 becomes declawed, Treasure Troll #17 gets decuted, N.S-5 #35 becomes deactivated, and Goomba #6 gets decompressed. The pony riding Magwai and Smurf yell something unintelligible as they mount a last ditch charge against the wookies but that too is in vain. The Signalmen are not present, because as it turns out they have already mounted a failed attempt to take back the cave of the White Witch from Savage and his cohorts where they lost their lives. What is left of the wookies begin to regroup when they hear a deafening horn call to action. The ewoks pop up from the snowbanks above the valley; and along with the two super battle droids mow down the rest of the wookies with a combination of arrows and laser blasts.
Back in the battle-proper, the death toll continues to rise. Jedi Master Stass Allie matches Sonny the robot's jumping skill and cuts him in half at the torso with her lightsaber, while Avalanche shoots a healthy dose of seismic blast at Venom. Venom dodges the attack, which causes a literal avalanche behind the symbiote-suited villain turned sometime hero. Venom then knocks Avalanche to ground, wrapping his tongue around the neck of the mutant before crushing his skull barehanded. Venom is then met with a cosmic blast from the Silver Racer that blasts him and the symbiote apart at a molecular level. The Amalgam character then gets his head knocked off as he is caught by a uppercut from Thor's hammer with Thor still attached (ouch). Agent Smith matches the jedi moves of Stass with ease, before he knocks the lightsaber from her hands and puts a .50 caliber bullet between her eyes. Smith and his Agents then leap into battle with Thor and Vision but are taken off guard. Vision is able to disrupt their digital mainframe, while Thor brings down a blast of lightning from the heavens that transcends the very simulation that gives the Agents life. It wipes them from existence completely; but Thor would have no way of knowing that with this move, the same fate would befall his friend Vision. Suprema and Ursa do a clean-sweep-flyby to take out the super battle droids, Storm Trooper #49, the ewoks, and their pet Nexu, accidentally killing their teammate Jessica Rabbit, whom the ewoks had taken as a queen as well. All that is left in the open battle is Thor and Abomination, who square off in a pitched battle (my first Becks shout out of the season) with Ursa and Suprema. This powerhouse brawl involves punches that could knock down a sky-scraper like an errant finger knocks down a house of cards. At first all four are fighting together; but eventually Thor breaks off with Ursa and Abomination with Suprema. Abomination and Suprema level each other with a double punch that causes them to join each other in death in classic Superman/Doomsday fashion, while Ursa is able to overtake Thor, who is simply not able to muster enough Asgardian energy after so much was expelled to take out Agent Smith and the Agents. It is a mixture of brute strength and heat vision that puts Ursa into a state of complete exhaustion and Thor to his grave.
Six days pass after this long battle, before Savage and his allies come to realize that the Sith Lords, who, like them were more than willing to let their teammates die to gain what seemed to be for both sides an upper hand in the overall battle have come to realize that they mysterious dark side users will ot come to their cave. Instead Savage will have to attack the Imperial Shuttle Palace head on. And attack it they do.....
Swiftly and stealthily, Savage, Darhk, Deathstroke, and Zoom sneak in through the hatch of a jettisoned escape pod and move towards the cockpit turned throne room. Kylo Ren and the Sith Lord square off against Deathstroke, while the four Ancient Sith Lords split off into groups of two to take on Savage and Darhk. Zoom is preparing to quickly make his move on Palpatine, but the dark lord can already sense his presence. Deathstroke moves against the unnamed Sith first and slices off his head before allowing his blade to find the chest of Kylo Ren who was crying about something or other. But Deathstroke is then swarmed by the two remaining Ancient Sith, one left, who dispatched Darhk and the one who escaped Vandal Savage. Deathstroke takes out another one with an emptied magazine into his fast moving body; but is then hit with a deadly amount of Sith lightning. Vandal Savage stabs the remaining ancient Sith in the back and then coordinates with Zoom to move in on Palpatine...
Unfortunately for them they never received advice from Yoda.
And even though they would not have thought they were, they certainly underestimated the power of the Emperor. Palpatine, freezes Zoom in place with the force and unleashes a barrage of Sith Lightning that sends Zooms lifeless corpse back into the speed force. Savage then makes his move; but Palpatine spins backwards, igniting his crimson lightsaber and then leaping back towards his enemy and plunging it in to the chest of Vandal Savage.......
As Palpatine sits in his throne, plotting and meditating as to where to find his next apprentice and Ursa recovers in the cold from her injuries, there is a conversation taking place in a long jettisonedescape pod, by two men huddled close inside it for safety. Hugh Glass passes a canteen to Logan and says: “Well, shall we join this fight”?? Logan takes a long swig of the whiskey, passes it back to Hugh and says..... “Ehh, maybe the next one”.
Monday, March 28, 2016
Season 9: Week 3: Traveling Sisterhood of Evil Midgets -vs- Beckerman’s Backyardigan Beeyaatches
Traveling Sisterhood of Evil Midgets are: Ariella Kent,
Luminara Unduli w/White Lantern Ring, Magneto w/Bell X-2, (Original) Duncan
Idaho w/Orange Lightsaber, Allia Atreides/St. Allia of the Knife (w/Ventress 2
Red Lightsabers), He-Man, Murbella, The Tardis with Thurfir Hawat, Princess
Irulan & Hiih Resser inside, Soundwave w/Rumble, Frenzy, Ravage, Laserbeak,
Buzzsaw, Ratbat, Overkill, Slugfest, Squawktalk, Beastbox, Enemy, Wingthing,
Flip sides, Sundor, Garboid, Howlback, Glit, Decepticon Cassette #1-3, Ravage
Clone #1-3, Decibel, Legout, Nightstalker, Playback, Rosanna, Stripes,
Autoscout #1 & 2, Autobot Cassette #1-3 and Decepticon #7, Castor &
Pollex (both w/Blue Lightsaber pikes), Bizarro Mr. Mxytplk (w/Indigo Lantern
Ring), Impossible Man, Mighty Mousette (w/Star Sapphire Lantern Ring), Troll
#1, Griffin #11, Dragon #1, Pony #1 & 2, Samurai #20, Ice Bros. #2-6, Jedi
Guardian #4, Jedi Master #33A-35A & 17B-20B, Nightsister #2 & 7, Dark
side Adept #1-3, Ewok #41-45, Hammer Bros. #41-45, Hammer Bros. #11-16 &
Gold Dragon #3-7.
Beckerman’s Backyardigan Beeyaatches are: Black Lantern
Magog, White Lantern Kyle Raynor w/full spectrum, Beta Ray Bill, Grey Hulk,
Black Lantern Mephisto, Black Lantern Terrax, Zombie Surtur, Malhedron, Uggha,
Lightray, Shadowfall, Bekka, Hyalt, Terminator #1-25 & Predators #19-44.
“I don’t like ice. It’s coarse and rough and irritating and
it gets everywhere. Then it turns to water and gets everything soggy. Look
Master, it’s like I wet myself.”
-Anakin Skywalker, on his first trip to Hoth.
The Tardis appeared in a remote area of the ice planet Hoth,
only to be blown up by all six New Gods on the Backyardigans. Lightray looked
over at Hyalt and said, “Like I said, tricky contraptions those boxes are.
Future and past always appear to be the same thing.” The New Gods then
disappear together, leaving nothing but silence and bitter cold.
The normally harsh yet quiet terrain of Hoth was thick with
noise on this day; the final day of this regions stability. Unlike most
planets, the first destructive force came in the form of robots, though their
destruction of each other was minimal compared to the damage they did to the
landscape. What were once hilly, ice covered glaciers, were now nothing more
then cratered chunks of ice floating on a less then frozen ocean. The
Terminators and Predators battled with Soundwave and his numerous tapes, a
battle that took its immediate toll, leaving only a wingless Laserbeak left as
the sole survivor. Lazerbeak attempted to crawl to safety but in his very short
travels, he fell into the freezing Hoth waters, ending his cowardly life for
good.
BL Mephisto: Everyone always assumes hell will be hot, for
today at least, the Midgets will freeze.
Impossible Man: They sure will.
BL Mephisto: You do know you are not on my team?
Impossible Man: I’m not an idiot Mephisto. Though, you are.
Impossible Man then grows ten times his size and stomps on
BL Mephisto, laughing at his own triumph. As Impy laughs and moves his foot
around, he feels warmth underneath his foot, warmth that quickly turns into a
burn.
Impossible Man: Athlete’s foot again, Tinactin is tough
acting my foot. Like my literal foot, cause it’s burning right now.
Before Impy is able to move his foot, it is blown clear off
by the Black Lantern ring attached to Mephisto’s right hand. The several
hundred foot tall Impossible Man is unable to shrink his size before he loses
his balance, sending him crashing down into the frozen Hoth earth. Ice and snow
chunks fly up in the air, covering everything within a half mile radius,
killing many in the process. Ewoks, pony’s, samurai, four gold dragons and a
troll are all killed in the avalanche. Impossible Man is finally able to shrink
back down to size but not before Mephisto puts him out of his misery.
BL Mephisto: Like I said, a cold day in hell.
Impossible Man is blown clear out of this existence, among
many others. BL Mephisto then took off in the air to join the rest of his team.
A half mile away, Castor was fighting back to back with
Pollex, trying their best to fight off the Black Lantern Duo of Magog and
Terrax. The Dioskouri, though noble in their efforts, were no match to the
power of the darkness that surrounded their opponents. BL Terrax blew a hole
right in the middle of Castor’s chest and Magog stabbed Pollux through the eye
with his staff.
Both Black Lanterns stood in triumph over their over-matched
opponents, bragging to each other about their greatness. BL Mephisto saw his
teammates victory from up above but was not quick enough to save them from the
blindness their braggadocious nature shielded them from seeing. Magneto,
accompanied with the power of Luminara Unduli’s White Lantern Ring, sent the
Bell X-2 jet right through the chests of both Terrax and Magog. Both Black
Lantern wearing Backyardigan members were torn right in half.
Suddenly, the ground began to shake with increasing
intensity. Luminara Unduli slowly turned around to see a wall of white
barreling toward him with the sound of a thousand freight trains. Magneto was
frozen in horror and he could barely make out what Unduli said.
Luminara Unduli: RUNNNNNNN!!!!!
Magneto and Unduli quickly began running on the frozen
tundra as the Grey Hulk came barreling toward them with both Shadowfall and
Bekka directly behind them. Unduli them grabbed Magneto and shielded them both
in a glow of white light, blinding the three oncoming Backyardigans members.
Though the Hulk and two new gods were unable to make any headway towards their
opponents, the white lantern shield quickly dissipated and soon enough, Magneto
& Unduli were once again open to attack.
Unduli looked down at her White Lantern ring, a ring once
full of life, now just an empty ring on her finger.
Full Spectrum Kyle Raynor: Thanks for the power Luminara. Now
Hulk, Smash.
Grey Hulk picked both Magneto and Unduli up and began
beating their heads together until the ground underneath him was a bloody,
brain soaked mess. Hulk stood over the dead bodies, proud of the death he was
at fault for. The New Gods stood around him in protection, awaiting another
battle. Black Lantern Mephisto caught up to Kyle Raynor who was floating above
the Hulk, watching as the remaining hoard of commons were heading straight
towards them. One by one, Hammer brothers, Ice Brothers, Griffin’s, and Dragons
came their way, only to be destroyed each and every time.
Next came the force sensitive common members. Though the
fight was more difficult, the outcome was the exact same. One by one again, all
the Jedi Masters, Night Sisters and Dark Side Adepts fell at the hands and
energy blasts of the Backyardigans.
Allia Atreides was standing on a hill side nearby with the
remaining members of her team, knowing that her team was no match for the
remaining Backyardigan members that she faced. Not one to give up though, she asked
every single member of her team to enter the Tardis, telling them to leave this
place until one week’s time had passed. She met resistance from many of her
teammates, especially Ariella Kent who insisted on staying behind to help.
Allia understood where the young Kryptonian was coming from but explained to
her that she was going to be needed when they came back. In the end, they
understood her plan and followed her orders. The Tardis then disappeared,
leaving everyone but her behind.
Allia then used every ounce of her powers, infecting Kyle
Raynor, Black Lantern Mephisto and Beta Ray Bill, convincing them all to attack
their own teammates. Mephisto and Beta Ray Bill immediately attacked Grey Hulk
and Zombie Surtur. Mephisto sent a blast of black energy into Hulk,
disintegrating him before he realized what even occurred. At the same time,
Beta Ray Bill used Stormbreaker as a means to relieve Surtur of his head, Barry
Bonds style.
After realizing what had occurred, Kyle Raynor screamed at
Bekka and Shadowfall to leave this place at once and join their breathern,
before doing what he knew he had to do in order to stop the Abomination of
Allia Atreides. Once the New Gods had left this plain of existence, Kyle Raynor
unleashed the full power of the color spectrum, leveling the entire planet of
Hoth to nothing but a thin layer of freshly fallen snow. The planet wide blast,
destroyed everything form of life on the planet, leaving it once more a
peaceful bitterly cold world.
One Week Later…
The still frozen world lay in silence as the New Gods once
more appeared, awaiting the arrival of the Tardis. After several hours of
nothing, Hyalt turned to Lightray in confusion and said, “Do you think they are
lost?” Lightray laughed and replied, “Tricky contraptions those boxes are.
Future and past always appear to be the same thing.”
Hyalt looked back at Lightray wondering what was meant by
the comment but before figuring it out, Lightray responded again with, “Follow
my lead, I suspect I know where they went.”
S9W3 - Team Sleeping Pussy vs Charles Barkley's Turrible Decisions
Team Sleeping Pussy is:
Bizzaro Superman, Toro, Devil Dinosaur, Nightshade, Sunfire, Dave Bowman: The Starchild, Smokescreen, Movie Rachet, Scourge, Faker (Masters of the Universe), Wild C.A.T.S: Void, Jonah Hex (w/YL Ring), Captain Boomerang (9 death), Captain Guts, Expendables: The Lone Wolf, Duncan McLeod (w/ Green Lightsaber), Shi'ar Warrior #1-10, Droid Fighter Ship #13-14, War Skrull #5, Skrull #s 28-36, Xenomorph #s 11-25 & 35-47
Charles Barkley's Turrible Decisions are:
The Fear Itself team:
(Ulik, Serpent, Skadi: Herald of the Serpent merged with Shao Khan, Kuurth: Breaker of Stone merged with Gimli, Nul:Breaker of Worlds merged with Beast Wars Megatron, Skirn: Breaker of Men merged with Princess Leia, Mokk: Breaker of Faith merged with Blanka, Angir: Breaker of Souls merged with Beast Man)
Franklin Richards, Gatecrasher, Cannonball, Nightsister Sith Witch #3-18, Droideka #1-5, Jedi Masters #1D-10D, Dark Jedi Masters #25A-37A, Blue Dragon #1-6, Treasure Troll #20
“Oh dammit! I got so busy this week quitting a job and crap that I forgot to unleash this week’s combatants into the arena” Fizzatu thought to himself. He hurridly flips the switch on his old Tandy desktop 486SX2 to view the scene on Hoth and start the match. But his eyes grow impatient as the modem dials into the BBS servers in London.
BALEEEE-EEEE-OHHHH-OHHHHH-OHHHHH-BREE-OOO-BREEE-OOOO says the modem.
“Why does Josh insist on us using this old ass technology to do our watching? I could go my whole life without hearing a modem again…. FINALLY…”
The screen refreshes and Fizzatu is horrified at the carnage on the screen. “What the hell happenend? I didn’t start the match yet! They can’t start the match without me?!?”
The landscape of the frozen Star Wars planet has been blanketed in a sea of red. Dismembered bodies are everywhere as Franklin Richards is locked in a heated arm wrestling match with Dave Bowman.
“What did I miss?” Asks fizzatu
“Aww, not much.” Says the Starchild laughing. “You missed it when I tricked Franky boy here into killing half his own squad! What a dope!”
“I...Hate...You….” says Richards struggling for breath as he desperately tries to move Bowman’s arm.
“Well, what else happened?” Fizzatu asks.
“HA! Oh yeah, Hey Frank… Remember when Bizarro Supes smashed Ulik and Kuurth’s heads in at the same time. Two whiny girls with one blow! Ha!” Mocks Dave.
“Stop… Calling… Me… Frank…” Franklin Richards says with increasing resentment.
“So that’s it? Just the two of you are left?” Asks Fizzatu
“Naw.” Bowman answers, “ I got Supes on mind control over on that glacier behind us cutting the limbs off all the corpses with his heat vision. Ya know, for fun. Work on his long range target practice.”
At this point, Franklin Richards is using both hands to try and budge the arm of the Starchild. He finally grows frustrated and hits Bowman with left hook catching him off guard and breaking his mental grip on his teammate. The two of them wrestle around on the ice exchanging blows until they suddenly break through surface whose integrity has been compromised by Superman’s excessive heat vision attacks.
Supes flies down to help but the hole they broke through was small and already starting to freeze over again. He uses his freeze breath to blow the snow off the surface of the ice. After a short walk, he finds the lifeless eyes of both Richards and Bowman peering back at him through 6 inches of frozen water where, just minutes ago, their last desperate attempts to find oxygen finally failed.
A lonely Bizarro Superman sauntered back to the locker room.
The Moist Mafia Vs. The Abomitrons
The Moist Mafia is: Jedi Consular #1-4, Jedi Temple Guard #1-4, First Order Storm, Flame, and Snow Troopers 1-5, 1-5, & 1-5, Golden Army #40, 42-44, Triceraton #1-5, Warwolf #6-10, Air Centurion #5-10, Xebel Soldier #4-7, The Royal Flush Gang, Nezzar the Calculator, Gammenon the Gatherer, Maliketh the Accursed, Curse, Saint of All Killers, Doomed, The JLA Dark: John Constantine, Zatanna, Black Orchid, Madame Xanadu, and Nightmare Nurse, and Mace Windu.
The Abomitrons are Iron Legion #1-5, Asgardian #6-10, Dementor #11-20, Amazon #1-24, Army Ranger #2-6, Cyclops, Jean Grey, Beast, Angel, Iceman, War, Death, Penstilence, Famine, Ozymandias, Jemiah the Analyzer, Jass, Springer, Dia Atlas, Desaad, Brother Hymn, Supreme Leader Snoke, and T-Rex #1
There are very few beings in any universe that are powerful enough to create cosmic metal poop strong enough to destroy a whole world. And three of them are in this match. And then they decided to have a competition to see who could make the biggest one and hoth was there victim. And two teams were preparing for a battle because they knew something was coming. And little did they know that it was going to turn into diarrhea and start killing people. And that's when Gammenon The Gatherer took the first metal dump and it dropped on hoth. And killed warwolf #6-10 the second it hit them and they didn't die because the dump was big and crushed them they died because of how bad it smelled. And now Nezzar The Calculator is up to poop. And while T- Rex#1 is growling at supreme leader snoke because he is afraid of being crushed by huge celestial metal poop they get crushed by Nezzer The Calculator's poop. Then is Jemiah the Analyzer. Some of the metal came off of some of his poop and went straight into the saint of all killers eye while the rest of the poop killed Desaad because she was to busy making snow angels. Next to poop is Gammenon the Gatherer And his poop went straight down to mace windu but he sensed it and sliced it in half and half of it flew into Jedi Consular's #1-4 and the other half of the poop crashed into Asgardian's #1-6. Next one up is Nezzer The Calculator. It came down on Amazon 1-24, First order Flame Trooper #1-5,First Order Snow Trooper#1-5,And First Order Storm Trooper #1-5 Because they were getting ready to battle when they didn't know that there was going to be giant celestial poop falling from the sky. Now Jemiah the Analyzer is up. He pooped on Jazz, Springer, And Dia Atlas But instead of being crushed by the poop it totally made them fall apart and turn to rust the second they saw it. Next up is Gammenon The Gatherer. The poop crushed Jedi Temple Guard#1-4 and Golden Army #40,42-44 Even though they saw the metal poop they just stood there because they knew they were going to die eventually anyway. Next is Nezzer the calculator he pooped on Cyclops,Jean Gray,Beast,Angel, And Iceman Because they were texting and drinking coffee not paying attention to anything happening around them. Next is Jemiah The Analyzer. John Constantine, Zatanna,Black Orchid, And Madame Xanadu because they wanted to know what being crushed by giant celestial poop felt like. Next is Gammenon the Gatherer. His poop Killed War,Death ,Penstilence,Famine,And Ozymandias got crushed because they were talking about how people are dieing by giant celestial poop and there not going to do anything about it and just sit there and do nothing. Next is Nezzer The Calculator. His poop killed the Centurion's#5-10, Xebel Soldier's #4-7, And killed the whole Royal Flush Gang Ace,King,And Queen. Again not because it crushed them it was because of how bad it smelled. Next is Jemiah The Analyzer. His poop killed Meliketh The Accursed,Curse,Doomed,And nightmare nurse because they were watching Brother Hymn kill himself because he just felt like killing his self. The last poop. Gammenon the Gatherer. His killed Dementor's #11-20 Because they were celebrating that them and mace windu were the only people that survived. And finally the winner of the competition is...Gammenon The Gatherer. And since Nezzer the Calculator and Jemiah The Analyzer lost the competition they got upset and killed themselves . THE END
The Abomitrons are Iron Legion #1-5, Asgardian #6-10, Dementor #11-20, Amazon #1-24, Army Ranger #2-6, Cyclops, Jean Grey, Beast, Angel, Iceman, War, Death, Penstilence, Famine, Ozymandias, Jemiah the Analyzer, Jass, Springer, Dia Atlas, Desaad, Brother Hymn, Supreme Leader Snoke, and T-Rex #1
There are very few beings in any universe that are powerful enough to create cosmic metal poop strong enough to destroy a whole world. And three of them are in this match. And then they decided to have a competition to see who could make the biggest one and hoth was there victim. And two teams were preparing for a battle because they knew something was coming. And little did they know that it was going to turn into diarrhea and start killing people. And that's when Gammenon The Gatherer took the first metal dump and it dropped on hoth. And killed warwolf #6-10 the second it hit them and they didn't die because the dump was big and crushed them they died because of how bad it smelled. And now Nezzar The Calculator is up to poop. And while T- Rex#1 is growling at supreme leader snoke because he is afraid of being crushed by huge celestial metal poop they get crushed by Nezzer The Calculator's poop. Then is Jemiah the Analyzer. Some of the metal came off of some of his poop and went straight into the saint of all killers eye while the rest of the poop killed Desaad because she was to busy making snow angels. Next to poop is Gammenon the Gatherer And his poop went straight down to mace windu but he sensed it and sliced it in half and half of it flew into Jedi Consular's #1-4 and the other half of the poop crashed into Asgardian's #1-6. Next one up is Nezzer The Calculator. It came down on Amazon 1-24, First order Flame Trooper #1-5,First Order Snow Trooper#1-5,And First Order Storm Trooper #1-5 Because they were getting ready to battle when they didn't know that there was going to be giant celestial poop falling from the sky. Now Jemiah the Analyzer is up. He pooped on Jazz, Springer, And Dia Atlas But instead of being crushed by the poop it totally made them fall apart and turn to rust the second they saw it. Next up is Gammenon The Gatherer. The poop crushed Jedi Temple Guard#1-4 and Golden Army #40,42-44 Even though they saw the metal poop they just stood there because they knew they were going to die eventually anyway. Next is Nezzer the calculator he pooped on Cyclops,Jean Gray,Beast,Angel, And Iceman Because they were texting and drinking coffee not paying attention to anything happening around them. Next is Jemiah The Analyzer. John Constantine, Zatanna,Black Orchid, And Madame Xanadu because they wanted to know what being crushed by giant celestial poop felt like. Next is Gammenon the Gatherer. His poop Killed War,Death ,Penstilence,Famine,And Ozymandias got crushed because they were talking about how people are dieing by giant celestial poop and there not going to do anything about it and just sit there and do nothing. Next is Nezzer The Calculator. His poop killed the Centurion's#5-10, Xebel Soldier's #4-7, And killed the whole Royal Flush Gang Ace,King,And Queen. Again not because it crushed them it was because of how bad it smelled. Next is Jemiah The Analyzer. His poop killed Meliketh The Accursed,Curse,Doomed,And nightmare nurse because they were watching Brother Hymn kill himself because he just felt like killing his self. The last poop. Gammenon the Gatherer. His killed Dementor's #11-20 Because they were celebrating that them and mace windu were the only people that survived. And finally the winner of the competition is...Gammenon The Gatherer. And since Nezzer the Calculator and Jemiah The Analyzer lost the competition they got upset and killed themselves . THE END
Sunday, March 27, 2016
Happy Easter!!
The Lord is risen!! Let us rejoice and be glad. And let us also use this an excuse to delay all things Fantasy Fantasy for twenty-four hours. Matches will be up by Tuesday morning. Teams due by Wednesday at noon. Have a great holiday everybody!!
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