Darkseid's Horsemen of Apokolips are Dakseid, Supergirl, Apocalypse, Sarumon the White, He-Man and Battle Cat, She-Ra and Swift Wind, Granny Goodness w/ The Female Furies: Bloody Mary, Stompa, Lashina, & Mad Harriet, The Juggernaut, Air Zonk, Autobot Cassette #1-5, Diddy Kong & Dixie Kong.
The Sigmaz are The Dino-bots: Grimlock, Slag, Sludge, Snarl, & Swoop, Vorian Atreides, Suerat, & Edrik in The Dream Voyager, Manford Toronado & Anari Idaho, Jay, Silent Bob, & Suzanne (w/ an ice flower), Six Shot, Sunstorm, Triceratops #1-7, Malcom X (w/ Vibranium suit & green lightsaber) & Barack Obama in a flying saucer, Bacchus, Pan, Nick Cage, Macho Man Randy Savage, Spawn, Hellboy, & Link (w/ The Master Sword) on Pegasus.
"It is true young Kara. The Horsemen are back and are reformatted to be more powerful than ever before. This weak, and watered-down league have no chance against our might". Horsemen Leader Darkseid says to Supergirl with much of the rest of the Apokolips Squad listening in.
"I have seen the squad we face in the images of the Palantir. I know exactly what they are all about. They shall easily fall to my white power". Says Sarumon.
The Horsemen take up a position in a rocky outcropping about fifty miles outside the city of Arrakeen. Fortifying themselves outside a cave with Darkseid their ruler hovering above them in a gravity defying stasis. A calm demeanor about him, which spreads to the rest of The Horsemen Squad.
The Sigmaz having sent out Spawn and Link atop Pegasus as sentinel scouts have reported the location of The Horsemen. Only Link and his winged steed returned from this mission, as Spawn despite his stealthy ways was caught by Apocalypse sneaking about, around the perimeter and was ripped to shreds by the O.G. Mutant. Emperor X has received this information and along with his protege Barack have come up with their plan of attack. A strafing run and aerial attack will commence the battle by The Dream Voyager, Sunstorm, Six Shot, Swoop, and of course the two of them in their flying saucer, a ship so similar to the description of the ancient ships that brought the original truth, wisdom, and power down to their African Ancestors. The very people destined to rule over this planet and every planet in-between. Before their destiny was put on hold by the whites. As they take off, Obama overhears his leader whisper with confidence.... "We was Kings......:".
With trained precision, the ships take off and begin their attack run while the remaining Dino-bots and dinosaurs move in as Phase Two of the attack. The remaining Sigmaz are instructed to remain back only temporarily so they are not destroyed by the dinosaur carnage. They shall have a more direct attack so their skills may be properly utilized.
The Horsemen take cover as the initial Sigmaz air strike commences. Sun Storm, never much of a team player speeds ahead of the rest and zips past the mountain in a yellow blur, already coming back for a second run before the others have arrived. Six Shot stays back with the manned ships, while Swoop catches an errant Omega Beam from Darkseid destroying his metal wings causing him to crash down to the ground as he does at the beginning of every cartoon fight he is in. Edrik maps out the direction of the Dream Voyager with ease, his complex brain practically in a state of boredom as it is such an easy path to navigate, while Seurat simply works the controls as he commands. Vorian Atreides realized before the match, that he would not be needed to fly The Dream Voyager with a legit Guild Navigator on board and luckily jumped into the flying saucer with Malcom and Barack at the last minute considering that neither one of them have any clue how to fly a spaceship. Vorian's flight skills impressed both Emperor X and The former President, but neither of them appreciated him putting in the cassette tape of The Offspring and blaring "Pretty Fly for a White Guy" as they took flight.
The Horsemen, briefly caught unawares at the initial aerial attack, quickly discover that this was but a diversion as the massive Dino-Bots, followed by seven actual triceratops were the true attack. The entire Horsemen team rushes out to do battle with The Dino-Bots when Darkseid realizes that this Sigmaz crew has much more to offer than they had perhaps initially thought. Darkseid, who had at first planned to simply be a spectator in this battle orders Supergirl and Apocalypse to stay with him to combat the Dino-Bots, and has Granny Goodness lead the rest of the team against the stragglers. He-Man and his sister She-Ra atop their respective steeds Battle Cat and Swiftwind rush in; swords drawn, they make fairly short work of the seven triceratops who are supposedly the real versions of these creatures; but "Lez-Be-Honest" He-Man says to his sister, these triceratops are just as much silly science fiction as the robot ones on the other side of the battle field. Darkseid, Supergirl, and Apocalypse may be outsized by the Dino-Bots; but their power scale is every bit on their level. Still, a brutal and pitched mountain leveling battle that we will have to revisit shortly commences between the three of them and the four Dinobots led by Grimlock himself. The famous battle cry of "ME GRIMLOCK KING" echos through the stale air of Arrakis making Malcom X very proud to have selected the Dino-Bots to be members of his team and part of his jihad.
Air Zonk takes flight and is able to fly in fast behind The Dream Voyager, blowing the transport ship to pieces with his lasers; but the robot Seurat is quickly avenged by his buddy Vorian Atreides who targets the futuristic Bonk and takes him out, all while Barack and Malcom casually shoot dice in the back of the saucer.
Silent Bob's eyes get huge as he grabs Suzanne's hand and begins running while Jay screams: "IT'S THE JUGGERNAUT B*&(&(*H"!! The massive unstoppable mutant then tramples the trio and makes short work of the stoners and their ex-girlfriend who died in a car explosions monkey.
Nick Cage is absolutely butthoused, just like that scene in that Vegas movie from when he was like fifteen years old or whatever; because he has been hanging out with Bacchus and Pan all morning. The three of them stumble through the desert, out of booze, drinking what is basically 40 proof urine out of their stillsuit catch pockets when they run up on Diddy and Dixie Kong and remember that they are supposed to be there to fight The Horsemen. The two gods and Francis Ford Coppola's drunken nephew are about to throw down with the two monkeys when Diddy pulls out a cooler and offers them a cold one. "You know, speaking of uncles who are better at stuff than we are..... Donkey is Japanese for crazy, IF U KNO WHAT I'M SAYIN". Says Kong. Bacchus and Pan have to say yes, especially since they had such a wide variety of beers in the cooler and they are really getting sick of Colt 45, since it is the only beer Malcom X will allow in the locker room. The five of them then sit down on the sweltering hot sands and start drinking until they die of dehydration and alcohol poisoning.
In a bit of a strange alliance, The five Autobot Cassettes who are not quite as powerful as their potential without a Cassette Deck Master are following the lead of Sarumon the White. They move in on Hellboy and The Macho Man and things start to get rowdy. Randy Savage leaps off of a boulder and delivers a flying elbow to Cassette #3, breaking him in half. "OOOOOOWOO YEAH, SNAP IT TO AN AUTOBOT"!! The WWF Alum screams, even as he is overtaken by the other four cassettes. Cassette #2 doesn't make it out of the scuffle either. Hellboy, though representative of the power of Satan fails to defeat Sarumon who is representative of the false light of Lucifer. Hellboy is cast into the shadow from whence he came.
Manford Torando, riding on the back of Anari Idaho are significantly outnumbered by The Female Furies; but the scales are slightly tipped back when Link and Pegasus show up from the air. Anari, moves swiftly as she uses her broad sword with perfect precision making Bloody Mary really bloody Mary. This make Mad Harriet mad and causes Lashina to lash out; but in the end it is Stompa, who stomps the Ginaz Swordmaster and her half man-Ford riding on her back. While the females were dealing with their fury, Link leapt from the back of Pegasus, who swooped down and bit the throat of Mad Harriet with his big horse teeth and ripped out her jugular. Lashina then eviscerated the flying horse for revenge. Link and Granny Goodness had been separated from the rest of the fighters and were caught in a well-balanced melee battle. Granny Goodness was able to match most of Link's moves with her hand to hand combat skills; but eventually she met her demise as she was relieved of her head by The Master Sword.
Apocalypse had grown to his largest possible size and was able to muster enough strength to punch Slag's dinosaur head clean off; but was then unable to free himself from the jaws of Grimlock who bit through the mutant while his lava laser blasts melted him. Darkseid and Supergirl, who were each able to take out Sludge and Snarl with the combination of their brute strength and the help of their omega beams and heat vision. But it was still an intense battle when they turned to team up on The Dino-Bot leader Grimlock. The two DC Powerhouses were eventually able to take out the Cybertronian T-Rex, crushing in his head as they each pushed with all of their might from opposite sides.
Brutal sand storms rip through the terrain of Arrakis, making it very difficult to fly but Vorian is still managing. Six Shot and Sunstorm both transform into robot form and move towards He-Man and She-Ra, as all of the match action begins to center around a low altitude area just East of the rock outcropping. Vorian struggles to keep the saucer in the air as he does one more lasgun strafing run over the Horsemen and takes out the remaining three Autobot Cassettes, before Juggernaut hits the ship with a perfectly aimed boulder making it no longer air worthy. Vorian is able to crash land the saucer as he and their leaders Malcom and Barack rush out of the wreckage to join the ground battle. Off to the side, Sarumon and Link are battling in a fantastic one on one match up that I will certainly bring up on a Friday night very soon so I can hear Alex and Kyle spend the three hours arguing over who would win. Vorian begins running behind Malcom and Barack, but despite his years of life lengthening medical treatments to keep him in excellent shape he still can't seem to keep pace with the African-Americans. Juggernaut sees Vorian and is still pissed that he survived such an amazing boulder throw that he grabs him and rips the hero of The Butlerian Jihad in half. Malcom with his lightsaber ignited and backed by Barack, leaps into action with the aid of his Vibranium Suit. The two Warriors (of Social Justice) are able to dispatch both Stompa and Lashina with their quick moves and cunning ideologies.
The smell of smoldering cat and horse hair fill the warm air as both He-Man and She-Ra have been blasted off of their steeds by Six Shot and Sunstorm; but they continue to do battle on foot. She-Ra is taken off guard as Six Shot who was doing battle in his winged wolf form flips backwards and transforms into gun mode blasting She-Ra to oblivion. He-Man is helpless to save his own sister as he has his hands tied with Sunstorm who is conjuring up a huge blast of solar energy that he directs toward He-Man. Sunstorm thinking he will surely destroy this shirtless meat bag with the blast is shocked as He-Man is able to block the blast with the Sword of Power and redirect it back at Sunstorm to destroy him.
Sarumon and Link after what seemed like the longest fight of their lives decide to both throw caution and defense aside and to focus every bit of power they can muster from their own bodies and their magical staff and sword. An enormous flash of light can be seen from every corner of the planet that its own inhabitants call Dune as The White Wizard and the hero of Hyrule join each other in death.
Malcom and Barack form up with the massive Six Shot and move against He-Man and Juggernaut, who have just been joined by the exhausted yet ready Darkseid and Supergirl as both teams prepare to make their last stand. Malcom and Barack keep He-Man busy as they attack the ugly, hideous, and disgusting blue eyed, blond man from both sides. Six Shot in his tank form nearly drains every bit of energon from his body and spark as he hits The Juggernaut in mid run and puts a stop to his reign of terror. He-Man swings his sword mightily blasting Malcom X aside and slicing Barack in two, while the worn out Darkseid and Supergirl are able to overcome the energon depleted Six Shot to end a battle that has brought new meaning to the word fatigue to both of these squads.
EPILOGUE:
The injured Malcom X, was thought to be dead after being hit by the mighty sword of Power; but survived with the aid of his protective vibranium suit and Kingly resolve. He realized this battle, but not the war was lost and managed to escape to a Sietch of Fremen whom he radicalized to his cause as they nursed him back to health and who helped him gain passage off Arrakis with Spice Smugglers in order to retreat back to his team and begin again.
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